Hi there – a few notes before the story:
I'm new to the Batman realm. My main exposure is the Animated Series back in the 90's as an awkward pre-teen – and recently, lots of research on Batman Wiki pages.
Not surprisingly, this story isn't action-based. It's a slow burn of Batman, Robin, and Catwoman forming a cohesive life together. Lots of character development and very relationship-based.
I've tried to keep the backstory baggage to a minimum. Fewer character deaths, maiming, and other past tragedies. It simplifies things since there are so many versions of what happened to whom out there.
I've mostly followed canon, but tweaked a few minor details for fun.
I'll be adding chapters once or twice a week.
Enjoy!
Chapter 1 – Formal Attire Required
Damn, those stage lights were blinding! They were like a dozen white-hot suns searing Bruce's eyes as he stepped out from backstage, squinting to find the announcer. I shouldn't be here, he thought bitterly. His eyes should be scanning Gotham's cool shadows right now, not burning to a crisp at this ridiculous event.
"And here he is ladies, the one you've all been waiting for – we've saved the best for last: Mr. Bruce Wayne!"
Screams – shrill, wild sounds more chilling than any villain – erupted from the crowd, sending a shiver down his spine. The announcer laughed, eyes wide as she gestured toward Bruce.
"Oh my! It sounds as if we've forgotten to act like this is a hundred-dollar-a-plate fundraiser," Maria chuckled. "And now is your final chance to benefit charity tonight. I'm sure no one needs reminding, but the highest bidder will get an exclusive date with Br–"
"Five hundred dollars!"
"One thousand dollars!"
"Two thousand!"
"Four thousand!"
"TEN thousand!"
The cacophony grew; the announcer stared, almost as paralyzed as Bruce, unable to separate the overlapping voices. Civility went out the window as women thrust their bidding paddles over the edge of the stage, practically trampling each other to get closer.
"My goodness… we haven't had this sort of response all evening…" Maria said breathlessly into the microphone, dazed. "Ah, ladies, if you could kindly take turns speaking up, then we could… that would be…"
Closing his eyes, Bruce escaped the vicious scene by retreating into his memory. The best his brain could do at the moment was his conversation with Alfred earlier that afternoon:
"Master Wayne! What are you doing? It's an hour 'til the dinner, and you're lounging around in a t-shirt and underwear?"
Scowling slightly, Bruce glanced up from his tablet. "You honestly thought I'd be going tonight?"
"Yes! It's been publicized for months, and you know full well that without you, they'll only make a fraction of donations."
"They'll do fine."
"I wholeheartedly disagree."
Bruce tried to ignore Alfred's stern gaze but realized it was futile. "Let me guess, if I don't go, I'll be eating frozen dinners the rest of the week?"
Alfred smirked. "I'll be far too despondent to cook properly."
Bruce's stomach churned just thinking about microwaved… anything. "Fine. Have it your way. Where's my tux?"
"Right here," Alfred presented a garment bag from behind his back. "I'll expect you downstairs in fifteen minutes."
Sighing, Bruce flung his tablet across the sofa, smacking the bag where it was draped over the armrest. "Stupid thing," he muttered, pouting like a child as he pulled the clothes out. "Stupid, ridiculous waste of time…"
"ONE. MILLION. DOLLARS."
Bruce's eyes snapped open. Turning to Maria, they both stared dumbfounded at each other. Somehow, in just thirty seconds or so, things had escalated considerably. The hurricane in that auditorium had quieted so much that you could hear a hundred women sighing mournfully in defeat.
"D-did I hear that correctly, ma'am? One million dollars?" Maria regained her composure.
"Yes," came an assertive voice. Bruce instinctively squared his shoulders at the tone.
"One million dollars, going once, going twice…"
Several women snatched their handbags and stormed out, huffing in rage.
"…SOLD! One date with billionaire Bruce Wayne, sold to the woman holding paddle number nine!"
There was half-hearted applause as Maria guided the winner up on stage. "I believe this sets a new record for the Gotham Charity Date Auction, miss–?"
"Kyle," the slender woman answered. "Selina Kyle."
"Well Miss Kyle, I think I speak for Bruce and myself when I say we are absolutely stunned by your generous donation!" Maria smiled at Bruce, raising her eyebrows to encourage him to speak. "I'm sure your return on investment will be just dazzling, won't it, Mr. Wayne?"
Bruce blinked. None of his muscles seemed willing to respond, not even those in his face. A strange sound started emanating from his vocal chords, a cross between a low chuckle and the word "Hi."
"I think our Mr. Wayne has a bit of stage fright! You must have made quite the impression on him, Ms. Kyle," joked Maria. "That's all right, Bruce told me the details for the date he'll be taking you on: a five-course dinner at Gotham's most premier restaurant, Le Carnard Qui Rit, followed by opera in a private viewing box. All chauffeured by a stretch limo, of course, with gifts of fine jewelry."
"That sounds divine," Selina purred with approval. "I'll have to be on my best behavior that night."
Maria smiled awkwardly. "Sounds like a plan. I'll leave you two to discuss the day and time," she motioned for them to exit stage right.
Away from the spotlight's glare at last, Bruce felt one type of anxiety subside – with another immediately taking its place.
"So, how does next Friday look?" Selina began.
"F… Fr… Fri…" Bruce stuttered, his throat parched.
Her eyes glinted with amusement. "Come on Bruce, what's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"
Coughing a few times, he shook his head in apology.
"I've got to be honest, this isn't quite what I expected from the billionaire playboy who's on the cover of pretty much everything," Selina teased. "You hide your stage fright pretty well most of the time."
"It – it's not stage fright," he wheezed out. "Just… getting over bronchitis."
"Mm, I've heard that cough can linger for weeks."
"Look, about next Friday… ah-heghm… you'll have to talk to my secretary. She has my schedule."
"All right. What's her number?"
Looking down at her phone, Selina entered the digits as Bruce recited them, but when she glanced up to bid him goodnight – she found he'd vanished from the hallway.
This chapter was inspired by the very first Batman Animated Series episode "The Cat and the Claw," where Selina wins Bruce at a date auction. The amount she paid was based Harley Quinn's Valentine's Day Special #1, where she pays $1 million for a date with him too. It seemed like a dramatic amount befitting his status.
