A/N: Figured I would try something different with this one. Enjoy!
Neurotoxin
Ben x Rey
How could he have been so stupid? He knew there were dangers all across this wretched planet, yet he still managed to find himself in a predicament that could very well cost him his life. He panted as he walked through the jungle terrain. He was starting to sweat as he felt the poison starting to take over him. Of all the ways to go out, it had to be from a freaking bite from some sort of snake. Just perfect. Had she not been such a pain in his side, he wouldn't have tracked her here. Had he not tracked her here, he wouldn't have gotten bitten. Had he not gotten bitten...
Well, that didn't matter now. He groaned as he leaned against a tree, hissing in pain as the venom coursed through his veins. He felt his leg to weak and he willed it to keep up with him. He had to find shelter. At the very least, he needed to hide until the effects wore off. However long that would be. He wrenched himself off of the tree and hobbled over towards a cave in the distance. He heard running water, alerting him to the existence of some sort of stream or waterfall. That was good. He would need water. As for food, he'd have to just go without for now. He would eat when this venom was gone.
He heard light footsteps trudging through the forest, and he quickly ducked inside the cave, grunting as his leg slapped against a rock protrusion he wasn't aware of, or he didn't register. He couldn't determine which of the two had happened. It wasn't there when he looked. Or maybe it was. He couldn't really comprehend anything at the moment. All he knew was that he would probably be safe in the cave. He slid down the wall of the cave, glaring down at his leg as it throbbed under his sight, as if maddeningly taunting him that it wouldn't do much more for him.
He sighed heavily as he leaned his head back against the wall, glaring at the ceiling. What a fine mess he was in. The hunter turned into the hunted. But would she really have the guts to end his life? Was she as callous as he was? He supposed time would tell if she were able to find him. He allowed his eyes to close, wincing at the effort that took. He felt the stinging, burning sensation rising up his leg, knowing that if he didn't slow his heart rate, he would definitely be in for it. He forced himself to calm his breathing, feeling the acid in his veins slow as his heart rate slowed as well. He was grateful that he was attuned to his own body, but it was torturous sometimes. It wasn't that he could feel the literal poison in his veins; just that he imagined he could.
What was he even thinking? He was bordering the line of hysteria and ignorance. His own thoughts betrayed him as he forced his eyes open, surveying the ceiling as if it would suddenly start leaking the cure for his neurotoxicity. Wouldn't that be something? He allowed fatigue to overtake him as he closed his eyes one last time, sleep claiming him in an instant.
X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X
Hours must have passed as he woke with a start, gasping for air, laying there helplessly on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He tried to calm himself, feeling that it was far too difficult to move now. The venom had spread, that was for sure. He now could no longer use either of his legs. He looked down at his fingers to see if he could will them to move. When his left hand wouldn't move, he silently cursed in his head. This stuff worked far too fast. He used his other, more mobile hand, to hoist himself back up to a sitting position, groaning with the strain. He looked down at his leg and saw that it was oozing congealed blood. Great. Because that was what he needed right now.
He leaned his head back against the cave in silence, glaring at the ceiling. It was hopeless. He would die alone just as he'd lived alone. He blinked through the blurry vision and groaned when he saw a figure leaning down to help him. He swore he felt a hand on his face, much cooler than his own skin. Had he been found? Was this it? All it would take was a swift stab in the heart and he'd be done for. And yet, that wasn't an unwelcome outcome, he decided. The life he'd lived and the choices he'd made in his life forced him to realize that he was one piece of work that was as deserving of death as any common criminal. He huffed with a melancholic grin before allowing his eyes to focus on the figure in front of him.
A beautiful woman with fiery green eyes. Freckles across her nose, like sprinkled flecks of sand meant to be discovered by that one person fortunate enough to study her face long enough. The three ridiculous buns at the back of her head, holding her short hair in place, bouncing and bobbing as she moved or walked. Her toned, yet delicate arms that held their own in battle against him. Her sweet, yet gratingly annoying voice that barged into his thoughts at any turn of the go when he least expected. Oh, how he wished he had made better choices in life. He gazed upon the concerned face of the woman staring down at him, her much smaller hand cupping his cheek and wiping the sweat from his masculine face.
How he wished this was real, he thought as he allowed unconsciousness to claim him once more.
X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X
His eyes fluttered open when a cool cloth was set on his forehead. He struggled to focus on what was going on around him. Where was he? What was going on? Why did he feel hot, yet cold all at the same time? Why did he feel that there was another presence in this place with him? Had he fallen? Had he been captured? All he knew was that his head was pounding something fierce. He tried to concentrate on his breathing, but even that felt difficult to do. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will the pounding to stop as the cold rag fell from his creased forehead.
He barely made out a sigh and mumbling. He heard talking, but he couldn't really understand what the person was saying. He wearily blinked his eyes several times, trying to focus on the blurry figure in front of him. Another hallucination... Rey wasn't really here. No one would be here for him. He was a wretch. He was a terrible person that deserved to die. Now his mind was conjuring up these wildly inappropriate images of Rey coming to his rescue when he knew he didn't deserve that kindness he knew she had in her. It was partly what drove him to her. That indiscriminate kindness. That compassion. That fiery determination. He allowed himself a wistful grin as he felt another cold rag being pressed to his forehead, his eyes finally focusing on the face he longed to see one last time. His lips moved of their own accord as he breathed a weak, "I'm sorry," and allowed himself to drift out once more.
X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X
His body was moving on its own. His head flopped around unceremoniously, swishing and knocking against a hard surface behind him. He would have groaned if he had control over his vocal cords. Sadly, the venom had worked its way all the way up to his throat. He could no longer use his arm that he had control over before. All he could do was wearily blink his eyes, trying to gain control over his vision. He saw the figure again. Rey. This detestable, yet lovable scavenger that he'd developed a fondness for, against his conscious mind's permission.
All he'd wanted to do was apologize to her and confess his sins to her. All he wanted to do was allow himself to be saved by her. But that would never happen. It was far too late now. He'd never get the chance to see her again. He'd never get the chance to apologize and ask if they could start over. He'd never get the chance to atone for everything he'd done to her and his mother and the Rebellion. All because he had to chase her here to this god-forsaken planet and get bitten by that infernal serpent-like creature.
He barely felt something dragging down his cheek as his eyes shut. A single tear of regret. He felt something being pushed to his lips and he tried to will his sight to focus again at the figure in front of him. "Drink this," she said gently. It was such a simple command. But he couldn't understand her. Drink what? Wasn't this all a hallucination brought on by the neurotoxin? What would he be drinking; air? His own saliva? He blinked weakly, willing himself to focus on her face. That same determined look on her feminine features that he loved so much. He wanted to hold her face in his hand. He wanted to wipe the unfallen tears from her eyes as she all but begged him to take whatever she was offering him. But he couldn't. He felt his jaw being pried open uncomfortably before the liquid was sloshing around in his mouth. It tasted like grass.
His face weakly scrunched up in discomfort. Was this all real? It was thick and sludgy and grassy. What had really gotten into his mouth? He looked at her again as the liquid slid down his throat, causing him to cough violently, the liquid gushing from his mouth as he struggled to breathe. He thought he heard a frustrated and concerned sigh then as his jaw was held tightly and more liquid was forced into his mouth. He felt his throat being massaged and the liquid sliding down as if he swallowed it. The hand on his throat was gone in a moment, a soft sigh reaching his ears. What was going on?
He didn't have time to figure it out. Darkness claimed him again.
X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X
He awoke with a silent gasp when he heard birds chirping and leaves rustling. His eyes darted around the cave nervously. Was last night a hallucination? He blinked several times and then he felt a pressure on his thigh. His brow twitched, his eyes darting down, but head unmoving, to a sleeping figure curled up against him. His eyes widened at the sight of Rey sleeping against him, curled up inside his cloak next to him with her head on his shoulder. So... that hallucination he thought he was having last night was real? She was really there? She really fed him something grassy?
His eyes darted to the outside of the cave. It was moist, as if it had been raining all night. He didn't remember rain in his dream. He glanced over in front of him to see a smoldering fire. Or a fire. He felt her shift next to him, a breathy sound coming close to his ear, making his heart pump faster than he thought it would. She then sat up and stretched, glancing around to get her surroundings about her. Then, as if she remembered he was there, she turned to him to see him staring at her. What a curious creature she was. He'd been hunting her, yet she was snuggled up against him as if they were lovers. What on earth happened?
She blushed and gently reached out to touch his forehead. He felt the cold of her hand against his warm forehead and closed his eyes with a soft exhale. "Not as warm as last night, thankfully..." she said softly. His eyes opened to look at her then, wondering what had transpired. He tried to wiggle his fingers, but no luck. The venom was still working on him, from what it looked like. "Can you see me?" she asked, waving a hand in front of his face. He only managed to give her a flat look, blinking slowly as if to say 'really?' She gave him a small smile. "I'll take that as a yes. You weren't doing too good last night... I don't even think you knew I was here," she laughed. Well, he didn't, truthfully. "I saw you were bit by something... I'm assuming whatever it was had some sort of neurotoxin in it." Duh... "So I whipped up an antidote based on what I found... Hopefully I got the right mix of herbs and roots..."
His eyes widened at her appalling statement. What the hell? She hoped she got it right!? Was he some sort of stupid lab rat to her!? She then laughed softly at the look from him. "I'm just kidding, Ben," she said warmly. His face relaxed a hair, but he still eyed her warily. "Can you move anything?" He flicked his eyes to the side, releasing a quick breath. "Can you speak?" His eyes flicked back at her and gave her another flat look. If he could speak, did she really think he wouldn't be voicing his protest? She gave him a small sad smile. "I can't even hear your thoughts either..." she said sadly with a small sigh.
His brow twitched curiously. She couldn't access their link? Was this neurotoxin affecting his force connection? Curious... He gazed upon her face silently, wondering what ideas she would have now that he was awake and coherent. She looked genuinely sad as she curled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, resting her cheek against her knee to stare at him. "Last night was... difficult..." she started carefully. She flicked her eyes away from him, but he analyzed her face. She looked pained just thinking about it. Had he hurt her? How could he when he was paralyzed? "I thought you were going to die..." she whispered, curling tighter around herself as a snake would for comfort.
He blinked a few times, processing what she'd just said. She was concerned he was going to die? But wouldn't that have made it easier for her? He wouldn't be hunting her anymore. He wouldn't be causing her such distress. She would be free to live on her life wherever she wanted without having to guard herself so carefully. He'd have been gone and she'd have been free of him. Why was she so upset that he could have died? It just didn't make sense. "I couldn't sense you anymore, Ben. You were there, panicking, and then there was nothing. I thought you'd..." She stopped herself as her voice cracked. She looked back at him, her eyes teary as she silently relived last night alone. All he could do was stare at her. Was he really hearing this right now? Was this another hallucination?
She abruptly sniffled and laughed softly at herself. "Anyway... I'm glad that wasn't the case. Uhm... let's get your leg cleaned up again," she said as she reached for his leg. Mildly curious, he looked down at the bite and saw that it was a deep purple surrounding the mark. He watched as she unraveled the bandage that applied pressure, seeing the purple, mixed with red leak out. He would have flinched if he could move. That was some nasty stuff. She flicked her eyes up at him, and he looked at her as well. She gave him a brief smile. "It looks a lot better. Most of the venom is out... Just have to work past the toxin now." He gave her a slow blink of understanding, flicking his eyes away to look outside with a soft sigh.
He felt her eyes on him, but he paid her no mind. He was having a hard time distinguishing what was real and what was a hallucination. Had he apologized to her or was that the vision of her? Had he really shed a tear in front of her, or was that his vision of her? He had no idea what he'd done, or what he said. Everything seemed like a drug trip or something. He'd definitely have some sorting out to do later. He flicked his eyes back over to her and saw her gently wrapping his leg again with another part of her outfit. He took note of the care she'd put into it, as if she were trying not to hurt him. It was irrelevant really since he couldn't feel anything anyway. But the care she took... it was almost... loving. He quickly put that thought out of his head, not wanting to delve too far into that thought.
When she was done, she sighed happily and gave him her famous grin. That grin could melt his frozen heart a thousand times over. She hesitantly took a spot next to him again, looking down at his limp hand on the cave floor. She shifted just a bit, looking at his eyes and seeing him study her. She reached out and laced their fingers. He felt a pressure on his hand, but it only felt like his hand had fallen asleep and wouldn't wake up again. "Can you... feel that?" she asked, nervousness evident in the blush on her cheeks. She looked up at him and saw him look away with a small sigh. He wanted to tell her he couldn't, but to keep holding his hand anyway. He heard a small sad hum next to him, bringing his sight back to her face. "I'm not going to leave you until you're better, Ben," she said softly as she hesitantly and cautiously let her head lay on his shoulder.
He watched her idly play with his numb fingers and he felt his heart skip a beat. He felt his cheeks warm up before he flicked his eyes away, ultimately closing them in lieu of staring at her like a weirdo.
X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X
"Ben?" her voice called into his subconscious. His eyes fluttered open and saw her sitting in front of him with a small smile. "Here, drink this," she said as she raised the bowl to his lips. He gave her a hard look for a moment and she blushed. "I-I know what to do now!" she said, clearly embarrassed at what had happened earlier. He allowed the liquid to flow into his mouth and she massaged his throat to help him swallow. It slid down quickly and he pinched his eyes shut at the vile taste. "Yeah... the roots aren't that great... Sorry," she said softly.
His eyes flicked over the cave entrance and saw that it was about midday. He looked back over to her, watching as she peeled a fruit she'd gotten from somewhere. It looked like a mango in color, but the inside was the color of a watermelon. He flicked his eyes to her face. Why had she decided to stay? He wanted to try to speak, but he didn't know if he could. He didn't know how long this venom would last. Would it even wear off? Was he going to be stuck like this forever? If that was the case, she needed to just kill him now because he refused to live his life like a vegetable. His mind was sharp as ever, but his body was paralyzed and he would not allow himself to be stuck in this weird mix of catatonia and mental overstimulation.
He looked around at his surroundings and sighed when he found his saber. He tried to summon the force, but he felt a pressure in his head every time he tried. He struggled against the paralysis, only to give up with an annoyed huff. "Are you in pain?" she asked, her attention instantly upon him at the slightest noise he made.
His dark eyes landed on her bright greens, slowly blinking and averting his glance. "No," he mouthed, but all that came out was air. He began to grow even more frustrated with himself for not even being able to communicate.
Her brows pulled together as she began to pick up on his frustration. "Ben... it's ok. Don't rush yourself. The venom will wear off and you'll be back to normal soon." He sent a hard look over at her, as if to ask her when, but he knew she didn't have any answers for him. All she did was smile softly at him and gently hold his hand. How he wished he could feel that. All he felt was a dull pressure on his hand. He closed his eyes and imagined he was holding her hand anyway, eliciting a gasp from Rey. His eyes shot open to examine her face. "Your fingers moved! Try again, try again!" she said happily, looking down at their hands. His sight followed and he concentrated just enough to see his fingers twitch.
She looked up at him excitedly. "It shouldn't be much longer if you can already flex your fingers."
Right... and then they would go back to how they were before. Playing this ridiculous cat and mouse game, but never being true to themselves about their feelings or what they wanted in life, in each other. He couldn't wait to go back to that... She saw the sadness in his face and she gently caressed his cheek. "Ben... it's all right. You'll be all right," she said affectionately.
How did she know he'd be fine? His eyes flashed for a moment as he angrily looked away. She had no right to tell him he'd be fine. No right at all. Truth was, he was tired of being nothing to her. He was tired of chasing her around the galaxy. He was tired of fighting on opposite sides. And he was tired of keeping his mouth shut. As soon as he got his voice back, he would tell her what he'd been wanting to tell her since Ahch-To. That he was hopelessly in love with her. That he loved her so much that it didn't make sense to him. And that nothing ever would if she wasn't involved. He was willing to lay it all bare for her. He wanted nothing more than to just scream it in her face that he cared so much for her that it hurt him.
But he wasn't able to keep up his thoughts because he felt her lips on his cheek. It was just a pressure, but it was there. His sight darted to her face to see it red as the fruit in her hand. All he could think of was one word: why? It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense to him once he landed on this planet. Nothing at all. The vile serpent, the neurotoxin, the hallucinations, Rey's strange behavior. Nothing made any sense to him.
But did he want it to?
His sight scanned her face, searching for any answer she could give him, desperately trying to coax her to tell him anything that would make sense to him. But all she did was smile shyly and rest her head on his shoulder. This woman was pure torture... He didn't have the slightest idea why she'd up and kissed him like that, but he didn't totally hate the action, if he had to be honest with himself. It was an odd sensation, to be sure, but it wasn't unwanted. He felt her idly playing with his fingers, as if trying to tease them back to life again, his eyes landing on their entangled fingers. How would she act once he was back to normal, he wondered? Would she run and hide again? Would she stick to her guns and stand her ground when he questioned her?
Would he question her? That was a thought. He could very well act as if none of this even happened. He was hallucinating earlier, so he could pass it off as a hallucination. Neither of them had to acknowledge whatever happened or would happen between them. The possibilities were quite literally endless on how they could handle this situation.
But the more she curled against him, stroking his hand and breathing content little sighs against him, the more he decided that maybe this was something to pursue. Every little movement she made against him made him wonder what had made this change in her. What flipped the switch? Was his near-death state really so terrifying to her to force her to develop affections for him? Or had those affections always been there? Had his affections always been this strong towards her? When was the shift?
"Ben?" she asked softly, her voice hesitant but kind. He only huffed in response to her, letting her know that he was listening. Technically, it was all he could do in his current state, but who was keeping track? He felt the pressure on his hand increase slightly. He could tell she was nervous, but he didn't know why. It wasn't like he could choke her or anything. He couldn't even access their link right now. "I'm glad you're alive," she whispered against him. His eyes softened as he looked down at her as best he could. He was, too. She shifted against him to see the kindness and gentleness in his eyes, which made her own eyes widen a fraction. Before long, a soft smile curled her lips. "Maybe we should bottle up some of that toxin for later," she teased.
He gave her a hard look, his brow twitching as he struggled to look angry. She couldn't help but laugh as she shook her head. "I'm kidding," she breathed. He huffed softly and flicked his eyes away from her. "I truly am glad nothing happened to you though." His eyes warily found their way back to hers to see the most sincere smile on her face he'd ever seen. If he could move right now, he'd probably have kissed her silly. Alas... numbness. "I know we don't see eye to eye... and we're on opposite sides... but I don't know what I'd do if..." She swallowed hard. "If you weren't around anymore."
His eyes widened a little at her confession. Had she always felt this way about him? What made her want to speak this way to him? To treat him so sincerely? To act as if she loved him... His heart squeezed in his chest as he looked down at her process the thought of him leaving this world, and her. She looked genuinely lost. Was that how she felt? Did she feel as if she couldn't live without him? Was he only deluding himself? He felt the corners of his mouth twitch briefly, earning a wide smile from her. Her hand went to his face, gently caressing where his dimple would be. "Not much longer." His eyes searched her, silently begging her to tell him what was next for them once he was back to normal. However, the more he searched, the less he found. She didn't have the answers either.
"Please consider a different course, Ben." He stared at her curiously. "Leia wants you to come back. It's what Han would have wanted. It's..." She pressed her lips together then, as if struggling for her next words. "It's what I want..." He only stared at her. He wished he could say something; anything. He wished he could only will his voice to work or the voice in his head to reach her mind's ears. He wished he could do anything but sit here and stare at her without any response except his eyes, which were already emotionless as could be. He wasn't very good at giving off visual cues, he knew, so relying on his eyes to speak for him was a big mistake. She then scoffed and rolled her eyes with an embarrassed smile. "I keep hoping for a response from you, but I know you can't give one yet. I just hope you'll consider what I say while we're here."
He slowly blinked at her, as if to tell her he was patiently listening and considering her words carefully. At least he hoped he relayed that. He must have relayed something because she gave him a small smile. "Try to drink some more antidote," she said as she held the bowl to his lips. She gently parted his mouth, sliding the liquid in and massaging his throat so it slid down and didn't choke him. When she was satisfied, she set the bowl aside with a small sigh. "I read in one of Luke's books that there were some cures to neurotoxins. I found what I could remember, but I wished I remembered more. Maybe if I included more, it would be more affective... but I didn't want to do more harm than good," she admitted shyly.
This woman was amazing. She'd memorized roots for different ailments and managed to find some here on this planet. A planet she'd probably never been to before, might he add. And she was sitting here thinking she hadn't done enough? How insane was she? She held up the fruit to his lips and smiled. "Blink once if you want some. Twice if you don't." Ben stared at her for a moment, rolled his eyes and blinked once. She laughed softly and eased some juice into his mouth, allowing it to slide down his throat and not suffocate him. It was a moment later that he felt a cough rack through his body, his head jerking forward as he tried to expel whatever had triggered that.
Rey was instantly worrying over him, rubbing his back as he coughed. His body wouldn't move, but apparently his body was trying to come back alive and there was something in that fruit that triggered it. Or he was going to die a slow, suffocating death if he happened to have an allergy to this thing. Eh, couldn't be much worse than being catatonic. He wheezed softly when the coughing stopped, his forehead resting on Rey's shoulder, slumped over her as he tried to get his breath. She gently hushed him, rubbing his back consolingly. "I'm sorry..." she whispered to him. His head lulled to the side, his temple resting against her shoulder as he sighed softly and closed his eyes. Her hand paused on his back, realizing that it wasn't her that moved him. "Ben? Try rolling your head to the other side..."
Ben lazily rolled his head to the side, his warm breath fanning out over her neck as he huffed softly from the effort. "I think... that fruit helped dispel some of the toxin. Do you want to try another sip of the juice?" she asked softly. She gently sat him up, looking into his eyes as he stared down at her quietly. Maybe that fruit had done something after all. If it had, hopefully he wouldn't have to be drinking her root tea that tasted how he imagined bantha tasted. When she was happy how he was sitting against the cave wall, she slowly eased more of the juice into his mouth, this time, Ben swallowing without help. She pulled away and Ben closed his eyes with a raspy sigh. He winced and lifted his head, turning his head to get the kink out of his neck. She smiled wide. "I guess this fruit cancels out the toxin... Can you speak?"
He looked at her for a moment, moving his tongue around in his mouth as if it were a foreign sensation. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out but air. He sighed in frustration, thunking his head against the cave wall as his brows pulled down in irritation. At least he was able to move his head and face again. He could at least relay more to her now than just staring at her like a weirdo. "It's ok. It was worth a shot." He glanced over at her and huffed under his breath. "Don't get impatient." He rolled his eyes at her and looked away. Their time together was counting down. Especially if she gave him more of that fruit. If it even worked that way. Was there a limit to this stuff? Like how effective it was in a given time period? Knowing how things worked out for him, he was sure it worked that way.
"Now that you can communicate better... can we talk?" she asked, settling in beside him. She sat close enough to him that he felt the warmth off of her body. He lifted his head weakly and nodded sloppily at her, causing her to chuckle briefly. "Are you in any pain?" Ben thought for a moment and shook his head. It brought a small smile to her lips as she nodded at him. "Can you feel this?" she asked as she gently touched his knee. His face scrunched a little, but he didn't know how to properly relay it to her. "Um... does it feel normal? Or is it more like a pressure?" He gave her a flat look. How did she think he was going to answer both? "Right... um... pressure?" Ben nodded. "Normal?" Ben shook his head.
Rey sighed softly and continued to ask him, touching various parts of his body from his ankles to his chest. When she got to his neck, she gently caressed his strong throat. "This?" Ben felt the heat rush to his cheeks and he nodded before averting his sight. She only smirked at him in return. Why was he feeling so unhinged right now? Was this an effect of the toxin? Had sense and sensibility left him? Was he delirious?! "Ben... I know I may not get another chance to tell you this after today..." she started, earning his gaze again. He stared at her face, noticing how uncomfortable and squirmy she'd become. Was she about to make a fool out of herself? Out of him? Was she getting ready to say or do something she'd regret? "This is completely unreasonable, but I wanted you to know that I really care for you."
His eyes widened at her sudden confession. "Perhaps more than I should, but I do. Our connection is special. I know it's not very common, and I enjoy having someone to talk to, even if we're trying to kill each other sometimes." He slowly shook his head to refute that, but remembered his voice didn't work so he kept it short. "When I tried to reach out to you... and you were gone... I felt like a part of he had been ripped out. I couldn't breathe. I thought you were..." She couldn't bring herself to say it, her fist tightening against his chest. When she'd come to grip his shirt, he had no idea. He was still trying to catch up to her saying she cared for him. His mind wasn't working properly. No, this had to be another hallucination. This couldn't be real. "I know you think I'm ridiculous-" Ben shook his head. "-but I just felt like I should tell you the truth."
Her eyes met his, and he felt his mind go blank. He tried ever so desperately to get his fingers to move, to get his toe to move, to get his vocal cords to wake up, but he just couldn't. His body was still paralyzed enough by the toxin to still be rendered useless. Whatever backwards way this toxin worked was ridiculous in his opinion. At the very least, he wished he had control over one arm. Just one. Everything else could wait, but dang it, he needed an arm. He didn't have much time to contemplate his current state because in a moment, her lips were upon his. He realized that she'd taken a chance. She'd risked her whole self by kissing him. And while he couldn't hold her against him as he wanted to, he still closed his eyes and tilted his head into the kiss once the initial shock wore off.
He supposed she found more courage in his actions because her hand wound around his neck and curled into the back of his neck, holding the hairs she found at his nape. He sighed softly into the kiss, then winced when he felt his mind jolt awake. The thrumming of their connection returned and he felt a surge of emotions cloud his mind, intensifying the kiss exponentially. He felt all of her uneasiness slowly drift away as confidence slowly took over. He felt the affection she held for him, on a much grander scale than he thought would ever be possible. He felt the insecurities of what would happen next. He felt the worry that started to seep into her consciousness about what he'd do once he was able to move again. He couldn't help but snicker softly against her lips.
Unfortunately, that made her pull away, face riddled with embarrassment. She whispered a soft apology, avoiding his eyes, but making no move to pull completely away from him. She leaned her forehead against his and he hesitantly leaned into it as well, wondering if it was really all right to accept her feelings and return them. He felt the blush of her face heating his and he couldn't help but smirk at her. It was lopsided, but it was the best he could do in his current state. "I wish you could say something..." she breathed softly, sadness lacing in her voice because of her eagerness to learn how he felt, too.
He looked up at her through his lashes and nudged her forehead gently, making her look at him. She took the sign as him wanting her to pull away so she hesitantly detangled her fingers from his hair and nervously folded her hands in her lap. He let out a huff of annoyance and rolled his eyes. "I didn't tell you to pull away, stupid," he said in his mind, a brow quirked impatiently at her.
Her eyes widened at hearing his voice in her head, her face darkening to a whole other shade of red he'd never seen before. "Ben, you-... how did you-... when did you-"
"Apparently just now."
"But you can't... speak still?" Ben shook his head. She raised her hand to her head in disbelief as she shook her head. "Uh... s-sorry." Ben only gave her a confused look. "I should go," she said as she went to stand.
He sighed heavily and thunked his head against the wall in annoyance, glaring up at her. "Where did all that courage go? Just because I can communicate again doesn't change anything, Rey." She hesitated as she looked down at him. He rolled his eyes and nodded his head to motion her to sit next to him, his eyes widening briefly for emphasis, slightly showing irritation and impatience at her cluelessness.
Rey hesitantly sat next to him again, her knees pulled tightly to her chest and arms wound tightly around her knees like a shy schoolgirl. It was cute, but slightly annoying when she retreated like that. "I suppose I wasn't ready for you to talk again."
He rolled his eyes once more before leaning over and gently kissing her temple. She gave a small smile and leaned against him, head on his shoulder as he let his own head rest on hers. "Why did it take this for you to open up to me?"
Rey flinched. After a few seconds, she let out a soft sigh. "You're not exactly easy to talk to, Ben... Especially not when feelings are involved." He had to give her that. He didn't know what he was doing, so he when he crossed uncharted waters, he grew frustrated due to lack of confidence. "And besides... I was scared I wouldn't get another chance. I didn't know if you'd make it through the night, let alone if we'd ever have a chance in the future to work things out."
Ben nodded quietly. "Thank you for not giving up on me."
She blushed and risked a glance up at him to see him staring down at her affectionately. His eyes held an intensity she could easily get lost in if she stared long enough. His dark eyes, usually full of melancholy and hesitation, were so sure and full of affection now as he looked at her. She could feel the sincerity in his gaze and she kind of liked it. Rey gave him a small affectionate smile in return. "You're a good man, Ben. You've made some mistakes... but you're a good person."
His eyes searched hers for half a beat. "Only when I'm with you."
Her eyes widened a hair as she nervously looked away and laughed uneasily. "I think the neurotoxin has gone to your head."
"Why? Because I'm being honest with you?" She grimaced at his words, but kept her eyes off of him still. "Rey, this whole experience has made me realize how much you mean to me. I'm sick of fighting with you or chasing you down on different planets or on opposite sides of the galaxy. I'm tired of all the conversations that feel forced because of what side we're fighting for. And I'm sick of not telling you how I feel."
She hesitantly raised her eyes to look at him, nervousness twisting their connection like a snake trying to escape capture. But he held his side of the line firmly, showing her just how much he meant what he was about to say. "Ben, you don't have to-"
"You had your chance to speak. It's my turn now." She quickly shut her mouth with a soft uneasy sigh. "I don't care about the First Order and I don't care about the Rebellion. I couldn't care less if mom wants me to come back or what dad would want, or what anyone else wants. The only one I care about is you." Tears came to her eyes as she stared into his dark eyes that seemed to engulf her entirety as the darkness did during the night. "Wherever we land, I want you to be there with me. I don't care what I need to give up; I'll gladly do it, as long as you'll stay by my side."
She gave him a wide, teary smile. "Do you really mean that?" she asked softly, hope ringing in her voice.
His face softened as he looked at her. "More than you know." Tears finally streamed down her cheeks as her heart squeezed in her chest at the deep affection she held for him in that moment. His only regret was that he couldn't wipe her tears away at the moment. He felt his finger twitch as he tried to will it to move. With a small smirk, he decided he'd try to use the force. He flicked his fingers, forcing her forward again and their lips touching once more. He smirked triumphantly into the kiss, making Rey laugh softly and playfully punch his shoulder. Her hands held his face lovingly as their lips moved lovingly against the other's.
After a few moments, Rey pulled away breathlessly and laid her forehead against his once more. "Ben, I love you," she whispered, her green eyes locking with his dark ones.
He grinned and opened his mouth, deciding to give it a shot again. "I love you, too," he said slowly, his voice deep and slightly raspy as his vocal cords struggled against the unfamiliar action. Rey laughed softly and kissed him once more, but only briefly. "We'll figure this out. Being together, I mean."
Rey nodded with a small smile. "Together."
"Of course." The toxin just had to completely wear off first...
