Hello, hello! It's been a hot minute, hasn't it?
I decided to go in a slightly different direction with this one. As iconic as those four single word pages are in New Moon, I'd already had the idea for this chapter (which I'm calling an interlude just so I can keep my numbering consistent with the book, even though it's as long as any of the other chapters) and felt like it fit the flow of this story a bit better. I did consider making it a stand-alone, but I like it better in here. Let me know what you think!
Glitterb x
Interlude: Helpless
Beau
"Any luck?" Dad asked as I lowered my phone from my ear.
I shook my head, unable to tear my eyes away from the screen and the ten calls I'd made to Edythe in the last hour, none of which had been answered. Which wasn't just unusual – it was unheard of. My sister's name was scattered through the list; I'd lost count of how many times I had tried to reach her since I'd got home a few hours ago, and still nothing. The radio silence from both of them had long since passed perplexing and was now solidly in the realm of downright concerning.
"Nothing on their main phone either," Charlie grumbled. "I'm going to try the hospital. You said she went for a walk?"
I nodded. "That's what her text said. It looked like she got in and went straight out, she left her bag by the door."
My father hummed and glanced out of the window at the darkening sky, then clearly made a decision. "See if any of your other friends have heard from her."
I nodded and moved into the living room so I could focus on my calls without the distraction of half-listening to my dad. I started with Angela, who said she hadn't spoken to Bella since school, but sounded just as worried as I felt when she heard my sister was missing and made me promise to call her back if we heard anything. I was just about to dial McKayla when Charlie's voice in the kitchen suddenly kicked up in volume.
"What do you mean, they're gone? Where did they go?" He listened for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice had turned to steel. "No, no, I understand. Thank you for your help… yes, please, that would be great. Bye."
He practically slammed the phone back into the cradle as I moved from the sofa to the kitchen doorway. "What happened?"
Dad was rubbing his temples like he was trying to stave off a headache. "Well, she's not at the hospital, so that's… something, I guess. But when I asked to speak to Carine, they said she's not there either. Apparently, she had a call out of the blue from a hospital down in California that wanted to recruit her, and I guess they threw a lot of money at her because she said yes. Her last shift was yesterday."
A deep frown creased my forehead. "So she's moved to California, just like that?"
"That's what the duty nurse just told me." Charlie's forehead was creased in a deep frown now. "Did Edythe or Edward say anything about a move?"
"No, nothing."
There was a sinking sensation rapidly building in the pit of my stomach. Because no one had said anything about it recently, but there had been a conversation, a long, long time ago now, about what the family usually did when someone got too close to the secret. What they were supposed to do if there was even a hint that a human knew what they really were. I could hear the echo of Edythe's voice in my head as I remembered.
"Sometimes there is time to give our excuses – an emergency with a distant relative, a problem with our home, a new job offering somewhere far away. Other times, we simply disappear. We've done it before, and I have no doubt we shall be forced to do it again."
After everything that had happened in the last few years, I had all but banished the thought of an actual sudden exodus from my mind, convinced that I was different, that Bella was too, that we would be the exception to all the rules. That if there ever were another emergency escape, we would be part of it.
Instead, it seemed we'd been left behind.
Charlie sighed heavily. "Keep trying your friends, kiddo. We need to cover all our bases." He turned back to the kitchen phone, pulling his battered old contact book out of the cabinet.
"Who are you calling?" I asked as I scrolled through my phone towards McKayla's number and resisted the urge to try my sister or my girlfriend again.
"Buddy of mine at the park ranger's office, then anybody and everybody I can get to come out at this time of night." My dad's face was grim in a way I had never seen before. "All we know is she went for a walk, and if she's gone wandering into the woods, God only knows where she could have ended up. If she's lost, or if something happened, we need to get out there and find her before it gets too dark."
I could see Chief Swan taking control, getting things organised, but I knew my dad too well to not also recognise the signs of rising fatherly panic. I knew exactly how he was feeling; having a plan, something concrete to focus on, was the only thing keeping me from completely getting lost in frantic worry about what could possibly have happened to my sister.
Over the next hour, the two of us made phone call after phone call. Each time I established that one of my friends hadn't seen or heard from Bella, I asked them to send anyone willing to come help look for her over to our house as soon as possible. Dad spent a good chunk of time coordinating with various friends and colleagues, and somewhere along the way we must have activated some kind of unspoken phone tree because we had barely scratched the surface of our respective contact lists when people started showing up at our door, many of whom we hadn't spoken to yet. Most were Dad's fishing and hunting friends, but Tyler and Jeremy both showed up with their fathers in tow. The girls didn't appear, but Pastor Webber and Mr Yorkie did, followed closely by Logan's dad, who apologised profusely for not having shown up sooner and grumbled about Logan not telling him anything and having to find out about it from someone else. He only looked more annoyed when I told him I'd spoken to Logan not half an hour earlier. If I hadn't been so consumed with worry, I would have been boiling mad; I knew Logan didn't like Bella, but the fact that he couldn't even bring himself to help look for her when she was missing was a new low. We would definitely be having words when I saw him at school on Monday.
Within forty-five minutes of the first helpers arriving, we had what felt like half the adult male population of the town milling around the house and over fifteen cars parked on the street. Charlie started to get people organised into search groups, fanning out in different directions along the nearby trails and out into the woods behind the house. Another group would drive around town just in case Bella had found her way back to a street somewhere. The handful of women who had showed up mostly agreed to stay at the house and help coordinate everything, although Charlie's one female deputy insisted on joining a search group. So did I, much to my dad's frustration.
"I'm not having both of you lost in those woods!" he thundered when I made it clear what I was planning to do.
"I won't get lost, I'll be with Jer and Ty and their dads. I promise I won't leave their sight." I was fidgeting from foot to foot, eager to get going; it had only gotten darker in the time it had taken for everyone to arrive, and there were ominous clouds gathering, threatening rain any minute.
"We'll keep a close watch on him, Charlie," Mr Stanley insisted, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "It's perfectly natural for the kid to want to get out there and look for his sister."
I resisted the urge to remind him that I was technically an adult now, and focused on convincing Charlie. "I'm sorry, Dad, but I can't just sit here and wait. I need to help, I need to be doing something. Please."
We were out on the porch at this point, the sound of the crowd of people serving as background noise. Suddenly, a horn honked behind me, and I whirled to see Edythe's car practically screeching to a stop in the small open section of kerb still left at the end of the driveway. She climbed out almost before turning the engine off, hurrying towards me just a bit too fast to be safe. Hopefully, everyone was too busy to notice.
My father forgotten, I moved to meet her as quickly as I could, desperation making me snap at her in a way I never had before. "Where have you been? I've been trying to call you for hours."
Thankfully, my tone didn't seem to bother her; there was a blazing anger in her eyes that eclipsed all other emotions. "I'm sorry, I've been out of cell service, trying to track down my blithering idiot of a brother. I don't know how he managed it, but he convinced the whole family it was time to move already."
"What?" Even having already suspected they were moving on, having it confirmed still sent a chill down my spine. And to hear that it had been Edward's idea… Something nasty was coming together, a realisation just out of reach and not at all pleasant.
"They're gone, Beau." The rage faded just slightly, a hint of sadness and worry creeping in as her voice shook like she was about to cry. "I've been so busy trying to keep an eye on you and Bella… so preoccupied worrying about Edward… I didn't even realise they were packing. Carine called me while you were at work to ask when I was meeting them, and I had no idea what she was talking about. Apparently, Edward told her he'd passed on the message and I was finding the right time to say goodbye to you." She shook her head, looking disgusted now. "I swear, the minute I get my hands on him, he'll wish that flu had got him after all."
Abruptly, everything clicked into place in my head, that horrible realisation hitting me like a mack truck and leaving me feeling sick to my stomach.
Edythe was looking around now, a confused frown on her face that gradually melted into horror as she clearly began reading the people around us. "What's going… oh no."
"Bella's missing," I said, my voice flat as I repeated the words I'd spent half the afternoon saying. "I left her at school so she could talk to Edward in private… she texted me saying they were going for a walk, and no one's seen or heard from her since. We're getting ready to go out and start looking for her."
Edythe quickly pulled me into a tight hug. "Oh, Beau, I'm so sorry. I really didn't think… I was sure he was going to fix everything."
"What did he do?" I mumbled into her hair, feeling the hints of anger bubbling again.
"I don't know," she admitted, sounding as upset as I felt. "I never caught up with him, and I came straight over here when I saw all your calls." She pulled back, determination in her eyes. "One thing I know for sure, Edward would never hurt Bella."
"Maybe not physically," I allowed. "But we both know that isn't the only way to cause pain." I looked up to where my dad and the group I was planning to go out with were hovering. "Look, I need to go help find my sister. Can you stay here and keep an eye on Charlie? I know you'd probably have an easier time than us tracking through the woods, but…"
"He needs me more," she agreed. "Of course, anything I can do to help." She pulled me in for a short but fierce kiss. "Be careful, okay?"
"Always," I promised.
I didn't hang around to hear what she said to my dad, instead letting her distract him while I set out with the rest of the search group.
The woods felt empty and full at the same time. Everywhere were people calling my sister's name, climbing over fallen tree trunks and pulling aside foliage as if she was just hiding behind a shrub, about to jump out and shout 'boo' at any second. For well over two hours, we moved through the forest, fanned out wide to cover as much ground as possible, yelling at the tops of our voices, finding nothing. I saw the sideways looks my friends began giving me as I struggled to focus on the search and keep the steadily rising panic at bay. Eventually, the rain I'd been afraid of arrived, making the night close in even faster, and Jeremy's dad insisted on heading back to the house to regroup and see if anyone else had had any luck. By the time we made it home, fat drops of water were splashing from the tree branches above us. The lights were all on, every window a beacon in the darkness, but I found no comfort in the sight. Especially when Charlie appeared in the doorway, and I could immediately tell from the look on his face that Bella hadn't been found yet. He didn't say a word as I tromped up the steps, just pulled me into a hug.
While the adults poured over maps at the kitchen table, trying to work out which way would be best to try next, I could only sit numbly on the sofa, staring into the cup of hot cocoa that someone had put into my hands but which I couldn't stomach drinking. I was shaken out of my abstraction by the only thing that could break through to me in that kind of mood – Edythe's gentle hand coming to rest on my shoulder as she settled into the seat beside me.
"We'll find her," she murmured softly. "I'll get out with the next group so I can pick up her trail."
My head slowly turned back and forth, almost without my permission, and my voice came out completely dead. "It's raining. Her scent will be washed away soon."
"I have other ways of finding people." She spoke gently, keeping the volume as low as possible, and I knew anyone listening in would hear only the soothing tone, without a hope of picking up any of the words. "I can cover the forest far faster than anyone else, and if I'm careful, no one should notice I'm gone."
Before she could go on, a loud knock at the door intruded on the tense atmosphere and hushed conversations that filled the house. A rush of irrational hope welled up in me and I hurried towards the hallway, only for my heart to sink as Dad opened the door. Not only was it not Bella – and really, what could have possibly made me think she would just suddenly turn up after all this time? – it was very close to the last people I wanted here right now.
A trio of young Quileute men stood on our porch, looking impossibly large as they more than filled the doorway. I recognised them straight away – Sam Uley and his little gang. They were all a few years older than me and I didn't know them well, but I'd been on enough trips to the reservation in the last few years to realise that they fell into the small portion of the tribe's youth who actually believed all the old stories. Why and how they had been convinced, I had no clue; I only knew that every time I had run into them, even in passing, some comment had been made about the Cullens that was laced with the same disdain Bonnie held for them. Hell, it had been Sam himself who'd tipped Bella off all those months ago with his ridiculously dramatic 'the Cullens don't come here' line. We were never outwardly hostile to each other, and I had never said anything to confirm or deny their beliefs, but there was always a moment of acknowledgment that passed between us – a look that said as clear as any words, 'I know you know'.
I felt Edythe come up behind me and instinctually moved to block their line of sight to her, unable to help taking up a defensive stance even though I knew it was unnecessary.
"Can I help you, boys?" Charlie asked, just a hint of a pause before 'boys' as if he were deciding whether it was the right word. I couldn't blame him; they weren't much older than me, but they looked more like grown men than teenagers or even young adults.
"Bonnie asked us to come over," Sam replied. "We know the woods around here pretty well, so she thought we might be able to help with the search."
Part of me wanted very much to tell them all to butt out and go home; at the same time, I knew it wouldn't serve anyone for me to make that kind of scene here and now. I settled for silently willing Charlie to tell them we had enough help and they weren't needed. But of course, he didn't.
"Well, we certainly won't say to no to a few more bodies out there, especially ones that know where they're going," Dad said, holding out his hand for Sam to shake. "Sam, isn't it? Allison Uley's boy?"
"That's right, sir. This is Jared and Paul." Sam gestured to the two men behind him, who both nodded once but didn't speak. "Please, let us know where we can be useful."
"We're just getting ready to head back out now that the rain's eased up some," one of Charlie's deputies piped up from outside. "You fellas are welcome to join my group."
A sigh of relief escaped me without permission as they all turned away and disappeared.
"We'd better get going too," Edythe murmured; when I looked back at her, she was outwardly calm but had just the slightest tension around her eyes that told me she wasn't happy about the Quileutes being here either.
"Right." I led the way towards the door, taking her hand firmly in mine.
Charlie looked disapproving again, especially when he saw that Edythe was clearly planning to go with me, but thankfully he didn't try to argue with either of us. "You be careful out there, alright?"
"We will," I promised.
Edythe reached out and squeezed his arm gently as we passed. "Don't worry, Charlie, I won't let him out of my sight." She gave him her best disarming smile, and by the time he'd recovered, we were out of the door and halfway across the lawn.
Unfortunately, our path to rejoin Tyler, Jeremy, and the rest of our group took us right past the one that Sam and his lackeys were now part of. I did my best to ignore them, but I couldn't miss the very obvious sneer that Paul directed at Edythe as we passed. For her part, she did an admirable job of acting as if he didn't exist.
Oddly, though, he didn't seem to be the only one paying more attention to Edythe than usual; quite a few pairs of eyes followed us as we crossed the lawn, and Jeremy was completely failing to hide his eager curiosity as we approached.
"It seems news of my family's departure has got around," Edythe said, quiet enough that only I could hear. "As has the rumour that my brother had some part in Bella's disappearance."
"How bad is it?" I whispered back.
"Nothing too terrible. A lot of speculation, none of it very imaginative. But I have a feeling you both are going to be fielding quite the round of questions at school come Monday morning."
I squashed the little voice in the back of my head that wanted to say, "Assuming we even find Bella before Monday," and focused on resuming the search.
At first, it was more of the same. We marched through the trees, shouting and searching, keeping within calling distance of the others in our group. The storm had indeed eased, but the rain was still falling and the water constantly dripping from the leaves and branches above us only made it seem heavier. On top of that, it was now fully nighttime, and the woods took on a new level of foreboding in the dark. Shadowed figures crunched through the undergrowth, the wide beams of torches flashing like lighthouses across a rolling ocean. I was glad that Edythe kept her word to my dad and stayed glued to my side; her soft voice keeping up a running commentary of everything going on around us was the only thing that prevented me from turning into a nervous wreck. As we'd been afraid of, there was no trace of Bella's scent for her to follow, but I knew she was keeping her nose to the air trying to catch any whiff of it on the wind, and her keen eyes would be analysing every bent branch and broken leaf for signs that she had passed this way, unhindered by the dark the way that mine were.
After about half an hour, we ran into a few other groups that had convened in a clearing a mile or so from our house. I fidgeted anxiously as everyone debated over which way to go next and how much further Bella might have gone. Edythe ran a soothing hand up and down my arm and I was so focused on that movement that I didn't notice at first when her mood shifted. In fact, it was the sudden stop of her hand and the rush of breath escaping her lungs that clued me in.
"Thank goodness," she sighed softly, turning to face the wall of trees to one side of the clearing.
Before I could ask her what was going on, the figure that she had obviously heard coming emerged.
"I found her!" Sam's voice rang out, making everyone go quiet for one blessed moment before the crowd started chattering again, surging towards him and the limp form in his arms. People were immediately asking him questions, but I couldn't focus on them or his answers, caught up in the sheer relief of seeing my sister.
Edythe gave me a swift but tight hug. "I'll run back to the house and let Charlie know. Go."
Her push on my lower back was gentle, yet I stumbled slightly as I stepped forward, regaining my balance as quickly as I could and worming my way quickly through the swarm of people as she vanished into the trees behind me.
"She just keeps saying 'He's gone.'" Sam was saying as I reached them.
"Oh thank god, Bella!" I burst out, finally able to see her clearly. I scanned over her as best I could; there didn't appear to be any injuries, at least none I could see while she was cradled in Sam's arms. Her eyes were squeezed shut, but when she heard my voice, they fluttered open and started rolling as if she were searching for something.
"Beau?" Her voice sounded weak and a little scared, like a small child suddenly waking up to find herself in a strange new place with no idea how she had got there.
"I'm here, sis," I said in the most soothing tone I could manage. "You're safe. Let me take her, Sam." I had a sudden urge to get her away from him that I couldn't fully explain.
Sam gave me an arch look. "You sure you can manage?"
"I'll be fine," I insisted, holding my arms out.
I had to admit she was a little heavier than I had expected; Sam's enormous chest had made her look deceptively tiny. Not to mention her clothes were heavy with rainwater, her rain jacket apparently not having protected her very well against the deluge. But eventually I had a good hold on her and started slowly moving back towards the house, the group around us making a sort of tunnel to light our way. Bella closed her eyes again, turning her face slightly into my chest.
"Nearly home now, Bell," I assured her. "We'll get you warm and dry. God, you're soaked!"
"Sorry," she muttered, her tiny voice muffled in my shirt.
I hugged her closer to me. "That's okay. I'm just glad you're safe."
"Where did Edythe go?" I heard Tyler ask Jeremy after a few minutes.
"I think I saw her going back to the house," Jer murmured back. "I'm sure she's fine."
"Yeah… I'm not sure she had a torch, though. It would suck to find Bella only for Edythe to get lost straight away."
I didn't bother telling them that Edythe could find her way anywhere in these woods better than anyone else alive, even in the dark. Mainly because my focus was on keeping Bella balanced in my arms.
It felt like it took a lot longer to get back to the house than it had to get out, but eventually I could see the lights from our windows again. I made a beeline for the front door, ignoring all the people milling about and staring, not to mention Sam still hovering within arm's reach. I saw a curtain move in one of the front windows, and the next second Dad was opening the door, a look on his face that was relieved, though still edged with anxiety.
"You found her?" he hollered when we were still a few yards away.
"Sam did," I called back. Bella seemed to be completely out of it, but shifted slightly as I spoke to her in a low voice. "Here we are, sis, safe and sound."
Getting through the door was interesting to say the least, but I made it to the living room without dropping her and her eyes were finally open again, which felt like a win. Edythe was watching anxiously from the edge of the room and I could see out of the corner of my eye that my dad was on the verge of tears.
"I'm all wet," Bella protested weakly as I set her down on the couch; she was still so far from her usual self, but just hearing her speak felt like a miracle.
Charlie clearly felt the same way. "Doesn't matter, it's just a bit of water." He turned slightly, addressing the room at large. "Blankets are in the cupboard at the top of the stairs."
No one moved at first – despite the clear instruction in his words, it hadn't been clear who they were directed at – until Edythe, hovering with an air of atypical nervousness just to the side of the doorway, murmured a soft, "I'll get it," and vanished into the hallway. Meanwhile, Dr Gerandy, the aging general practitioner whose office I had spent many uncomfortable hours in as a child, moved forward and began looking Bella over. From my angle, hovering awkwardly between my dad and my friends, I couldn't see his face well enough to gauge whether his assessment of her temperature and pulse was good or bad. But even I knew it was taking her a worryingly long time to recognise him, to answer his questions about whether she had been hurt. For her part, Bella looked at him with a strange blankness. No, not quite blankness, I realised quickly – distraction. It was as if something else were competing for her attention, making it harder for her to process what was being said to her in the here and now. But she wasn't completely absent; she tensed as he asked her what had happened, and when that question went unanswered and he prompted her by asking if she'd gotten lost, her eyes danced around the room, taking in our friends, the three Quileutes in the corner, Dad and me watching her carefully. There was just the tiniest flicker of familiar self-consciousness as she registered the way everyone was looking at her. When Dad stepped closer, listening intently to hear how she would answer the doctor, I shifted with him and laid a hand on his shoulder, both to reassure and to warn him not to crowd her too much.
Finally, she gave a slow nod and whispered, "Yes, I got lost."
I felt my father's shoulders tense up, and I was right there with him. Now that Bella was home and safe, now that my panic had subsided to a more manageable level, there was room for the other emotions that it had been keeping at bay. Namely, anger. Because that walk in the woods was almost certainly not Bella's idea. Because whatever else he had done or not done today, Edward Cullen had taken my sister out into the forest, which had led to her getting lost and half freezing to death in a rainstorm. And enough things had fallen together to make me absolutely sure their talk had not been the cathartic resolution we had all been hoping it would be.
Before I could step in and ask her any questions of my own, Edythe came back, weaving through the rest of us and completely ignoring the way Paul glared daggers at her on her way to the couch. His bad attitude was barely a blip on my radar, though, compared to the expression on my sister's face as she saw my girlfriend. I had seen Bella look at Edythe many ways in the last six months – from awestruck, curious and keenly analytical to bashful, amused and affectionate – but this was something else entirely. This was pained, panicked…
This was scared.
As she unfolded the blanket and laid it over Bella, Edythe spoke to her softly, like she was trying to calm a wounded animal. "There you are, Bella. That should warm you up."
To my intense surprise, Bella's breath caught in her throat and she cringed away from Edythe, as if she didn't want to make contact with her; she twisted her neck so her face was buried in the cushion below her head. Edythe gave no outward sign that this bothered her, but I could feel a new tension in the way she held herself as she came to stand beside me, and her hand in mine was just a little too tight for comfort.
"Do you feel tired?" Dr Gerandy asked solicitously as he gently pressed the skin under Bella's chin.
Bella, who had emerged just slightly but was still keeping a wary eye on Edythe, nodded and closed her eyes again.
The doctor heaved himself upright and came over to us, speaking quietly in a vain attempt to not be overheard by prying ears. "She's exhausted, but I don't believe there's anything else the matter. Just let her sleep it off, call me if anything new develops, and I'll be back to check on her tomorrow. Or…" He gave a light laugh that felt wholly out of place as he checked his watch. "Later today, I suppose."
Charlie looked like he was ready to punch something. "I can't believe they really just up and left like that. Was there no warning at all?"
Dr Gerandy had the decency to look sheepish. "Carine asked us not to say anything. The offer was very sudden, she had to make a decision quickly. I think she wanted to avoid a lot of fuss over her leaving."
"I didn't even know about it until a few hours ago," Edythe piped up. "I suppose they assumed it wouldn't matter to me, since I'm essentially out of the house already."
I was abruptly furious again. I hadn't had the chance to get the full story from Edythe, but I knew there had to be more than what she had so hurriedly told me all those hours ago. Edward had left one hell of a mess behind him – uprooted his family, clearly annoyed his sister and by the looks of things completely destroyed mine. And yet, even after all that, Edythe was still forced to cover for him, to toe the party line lest any suspicion fall on the rest of the family.
"Well, that's a load of crap," I spat. Edythe gave me a sharp look, but I couldn't take it back, nor did I want to. "Sorry, but it is. I get not wanting to make a production out of it, but you'd think we deserve a bit of warning."
Charlie made a disgruntled sound and nodded, his eyes steely; Dr Gerandy looked uncomfortable and just hummed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella pull the quilt over her head, disappearing into a bundle of fabric on the sofa.
"Let me help you get some of these people out of here," the doctor said softly. "Then I'll be on my way."
"Thank you for your help," Charlie replied gruffly. "I know it was a bind coming out so late."
"Not a problem, I'm happy to help."
Dr Gerandy wasn't the only person expressing the same sentiment as we gradually hustled people out of the house. Most left quickly, obviously eager to be getting back to their beds. I gave the bare minimum contribution to thanking people and promising to keep them updated, then retreated to sit on the living room floor beside my sister. I was loath to be too far away from her, not only because of everything that had happened, but because I wanted to be the first person she saw when she woke up, the first one to ask her exactly what had gone down out in those woods. I hoped Charlie would go to bed so I could be sure of getting honest answers, but unfortunately, that didn't seem to be happening. Even after he had seen out the last of the helpers – Sam, Paul and Jared, who seemed particularly reluctant to leave when it was clear that Edythe would be staying – Dad barely had time to fetch another blanket from the linen closet between constantly rushing to answer the phone before it disturbed Bella. It seemed like everyone we had called earlier was now calling back for an update; first it was groups that had still been out searching and hadn't heard the news yet, then it was families who hadn't been able to send anyone out and people who had helped but not got their chance to see if Bella was alright. The monotonous repetition turned into background noise after a while. I knew I should take some of the calls, but I couldn't bring myself to leave Bella's side; instead, I gently reached under the blankets to hold her hand, doing my best not to wake her.
Sometime around two in the morning, Edythe's phone started buzzing in her pocket, and she quietly excused herself to take the call in my room. She was gone for a solid half an hour, and came out frowning deeply. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but Charlie was clomping his way back from his most recent phone call and I couldn't risk him hearing anything he shouldn't.
"You should go to bed, my love," Edythe whispered, looking concerned. "You need to sleep."
"I'm good here," I assured her, well aware that I was being needlessly obstinate.
Her expression said she'd been expecting that answer, and her sigh was one of frustrated resignation; on any other day, I would have felt guilty about being the cause of it. "Can I at least get you a pillow and a blanket?"
"Alright," I allowed, knowing that giving in a little now would serve me better in the long run. Then, because Dad was now in the room and it was the expected thing to say, I added, "You go ahead and take my bed, you must be tired too."
Charlie settled into his recliner, closing his eyes and looking ready to pass out, only for the phone to start ringing yet again. Past the noise and his groan of frustration, I was sure I heard a sharp intake of breath and a whimper from under the blankets.
"Let me get it, Charlie, you sleep. I'll tell whoever it is you're resting and take a message if it's important," Edythe said, moving towards the door, but Dad was already out of his seat.
"Hush now, I've got it," he mumbled drowsily as he stumbled back into the kitchen.
Under the blankets, Bella shifted as if trying to get further into the couch, and even through all the fabric I could hear that she was gasping for breath in a way that was getting increasingly alarming. Concern overtaking the desire not to bother her, I pulled back the covers just a little to get a look at her. As soon as I saw her wide-eyed, pained expression and the way her chest was practically convulsing with shallow breaths, I yanked the blankets off her and took hold of her arms, getting her sat up as gently as I could with my own panic running riot.
"Breathe, Bella," I begged her, hearing how scared I sounded. "You're alright, just breathe."
Partly to calm her and partly to settle myself, I put my forehead against hers and started taking deep, slow breaths, hoping the physical touch would ground both of us and keep us from spiralling completely out of control. It halfway worked; I felt calmer, and Bella's breathing gradually slowed, though it was never deep enough for my liking.
Still, I did my best to give her a reassuring smile as I brushed loose bits of hair back from her face. "There you go. All good."
She didn't say anything but I could tell she was very far from all good.
"Want to tell me what happened?" I coaxed as gently as I could. "Your text said you were going for a walk, but I figured you'd still be home before me. When Dad got home and you still weren't here…" I focused on trying to read her face to keep from getting lost in memories of those frantic hours of phone calls.
Bella still didn't speak.
I gave it another try. "We tried to call you, but I guess you were out of cell service or something. Then we started trying the Cullens, and no one was answering."
Still nothing, though her breathing shook slightly as I said 'Cullens', making me all the more certain that my anger toward one Cullen in particular was not in the least bit misplaced.
Bella seemed distracted now, her eyes turning to the hallway; in the kitchen, Charlie was redialling the phone, apparently finished with whoever had called, then greeting Bonnie of all people and saying something about bonfires.
I couldn't process what that could mean right now, and I needed Bella's focus on me, so I was harsher than I needed to be as I spoke again. "Bell, I need to know what happened to you. Dr Gerandy told Charlie that Carine got a surprise job offer and they moved to Los Angeles, but that can't be right, can it? Did Edward-"
"Beau, please, don't," she finally burst out, agony in her eyes.
"Bella…" I hoped she could hear the warning in my tone.
She spoke in a rush, as if trying to get all the words out before something could stop her. "He didn't tell me anything. He just said… goodbye."
The look on her face confirmed what I had already worked out – that this hadn't been the sort of goodbye she would have gotten before the party. He wouldn't have been apologetic or gentle. There wouldn't have been a promise to come back and visit, or an assurance that she could join him at some undefined future date. No, this goodbye had been final, I was sure of it. So sure that I didn't need to ask for confirmation. "He broke up with you."
Bella's eyes squeezed tight and her shoulders hunched in, whether because of the reminder or the fury bubbling in my tone, I couldn't quite tell.
I was seething more with every word. "He broke your heart and left you in the middle of those woods, in the dark and the rain-"
"No!" she half-yelled, cutting me off again. "He left me… right by the house. I could have got back easily, but I tried to follow him. I got myself lost. It was my fau-"
I had to interrupt her, rage boiling over. "Don't you dare! Don't you even think about trying to take responsibility for this, Bella! None of this should have ever happened." I had no idea what my face was doing, but I knew it wouldn't be pretty. My next words came out in a growl as Bella sat quietly, her eyes beginning to drift into the middle distance again. "I'm going to kill him. I don't know how, or when, but I will."
"I'll help," Edythe chimed in suddenly; I'd almost forgotten she was there, but sure enough, she was still standing in the corner of the room, pure murder in her eyes.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Bella blurted out, standing abruptly and pushing me away. Her eyes had that frightened look in them again, and she seemed to avoid looking at Edythe altogether. "I'm going to my room."
I tried to stop her, if only because the way she was wobbling made me exceedingly nervous, but she dashed away before I could stop her.
"Bella!" I called, scrambling to my feet.
Edythe was beside me in a flash, laying a hand on my arm. "Let her go. She needs some time alone right now."
"Hey, Bells!" I heard Charlie shout, but from the pounding of feet on the stairs and the slam of a door above us, I knew he had been as soundly ignored as me. He came into the living room, looking as perplexed as I felt. "What was that about?"
I was beginning to feel an odd sense of guilt. "I think… I think that was my fault. I was asking her what happened… I think it made her think about things she didn't want to remember."
Edythe rubbed my arm soothingly and guided me gently to sit down on the sofa. "Hey now, none of that. No one is at fault here. We're all tired and speaking without thinking."
Charlie sat in his recliner again, but leaned forward, clasping his hands between his knees. "Did she at least tell you anything else?"
I glanced at Edythe, who nodded encouragingly, and gave him what I could of the truth. "Edward broke up with her. She said he left her in sight of the house, but I guess he must have gone off into the woods before he looped round to get his car, because apparently she tried to follow him and that's how she got lost."
My dad was seething now, the same anger I had been feeling plain as day on his face. "Of all the bone-headed, irresponsible, idiotic-" He stopped abruptly, clearing his throat in embarrassment. "Sorry, Edythe."
"Not at all, Charlie," she said in a clipped tone, her own anger rising to the surface again. "I'm right there with you. He has made a monumental blunder as far as I'm concerned, and he'll be getting a piece of my mind next time I see him. After all this, you have every right to feel and say whatever you like about him."
"Still, it can't be nice to hear someone talk about your brother like that. I apologise." He sighed heavily and changed the subject. "So, what do we do next?"
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "Maybe… maybe with some time, things will get better."
Even saying the words felt oddly like a betrayal. For all the distance that had been between us our whole lives, I'd always felt I knew my sister well enough to be sure of a few things about her character, and one was that she was the sort of person who loved deeply but exclusively. Since we were old enough to be interested in dating, I had been sure that Bella would effectively by the antithesis of our mother – that it would take her a long time to fall in love, but once she fell, that would be it. I'd had no doubt that her first partner would be her last, and watching her and Edward over the last few months had only made me more sure of that. Any chance of her getting over him was incredibly slim, and it certainly wouldn't be coming anytime soon.
"Right now, we all need sleep," Edythe insisted, ever the voice of reason. "We can only hope some solution will present itself when we're a little more clearheaded."
"Can't argue with that," Charlie said gruffly, getting to his feet and stretching. "I'm going to go take that phone off the hook so we can all get a few hours of shuteye."
The mention of the phone reminded me of the half-overheard call from before. "What were you talking to Bonnie about?"
"Oh, just some reservation kids being rowdy." He looked uncomfortable, glancing at Edythe out of the corner of his eye. "Lauren Stanley said she could see some bonfires up on the cliffs from her upstairs window, so I wanted to check in and make sure everything was alright." His look turned steely. "Bonnie said they were celebrating the news."
I didn't have the energy to process that, let alone work out what to say. Instead, I started gathering up the blankets Bella had thrown aside, checking the fabric and the sofa cushions to see how badly the water from her clothes had soaked into them.
Edythe chuckled in a way that made a good show of being bashful. "Oh dear. They really don't like us down at La Push, do they?"
Charlie shook his head. "Still don't understand all that. Don't you let it bother you, sweetheart." He yawned widely. "Well, I'm hitting the hay. Sleep well, kiddos."
"You too, Charlie." Edythe kept the smile on her face until my dad was out of the room, then it dropped immediately into a frown.
"At least someone's having a good night," I commented dully, my pitiful attempt at humour falling predictably flat.
Edythe hummed, the frown never wavering. "Right now, the Quileutes are the least of my concerns."
"What's the greatest of them?"
She regarded me for a moment before her expression smoothed out in a way that was deliberate and clearly fabricated. When she spoke, her tone made a good show of being breezy and teasing. "Getting you to bed, of course. You look dead on your feet, my love."
I closed the space between us and took her hands. "Hey now, don't do that. Don't hide things from me."
The forced calm melted away in an instant; now she looked tired and more than a bit guilty. "I'm sorry. All the uncertainty is getting to me." She sighed heavily, stepping in close to press her forehead against my chest. "I just don't know where we go from here."
I put my arms around her, laying my cheek on the top of her head. "I know the feeling. We'll just have to go one step at a time. That's all we can do."
She nodded, her hair tickling my skin. "You're right. And the first step…" She pulled back, a more genuine smile on her face. "Is sleep, at least for the human."
"Alright," I agreed easily, then remembered her phone call from earlier. "Are you joining me, or is there somewhere else you need to be?"
"Nowhere I can get to and back from before your father wakes up. Just don't be insulted if I move to the couch when he comes down."
"Want to actually come in through the door, or do you prefer the window?" I was teasing her, of course; not well, it had to be said, but she smiled anyway.
"The door will do just fine, thank you." She pulled away and led me by the hand into my room, which felt almost illegal given the time of day. Edythe spent a lot more time in my room than my dad was ever aware of, but there was typically a lot of sneaking around involved. To be able to walk through the door with her and close it behind me was a novel experience.
I didn't make too much fuss over getting ready for bed, just took off the jacket and boots I'd never got around to removing and changed my jeans for sweatpants. It wasn't the first time I had changed clothes in front of Edythe, though it was admittedly rare; as usual, she subtly turned her back, busying herself with turning down the bedcovers. Then she stood facing the window, her head tilted up toward my sister's room.
"Hear anything?" I asked. Normally I wouldn't try to use Edythe's supernaturally sensitive hearing to spy on Bella like that, but after tonight, I felt justified bending our rules a little.
"She's still up there," Edythe murmured, turning around as both of us moved to the bed. "But as far as I can tell, she hasn't moved since she went in. Hopefully that means she's getting some rest."
"Hopefully," I agreed, pulling my comforter up. Edythe waited until I was securely tucked in before climbing onto the bed, curling into my side on top of the covers so the chill of her skin wouldn't bother me. After two and a half years together, we had the position perfected; I kept my arms free so I could wrap them around her, and her head settled without effort into her favourite spot against my neck, where she could hear my pulse pounding right in her ear. I closed my eyes, knowing sleep wouldn't be far away. Yet there was something in the way Edythe lay just a fraction too stiff and too still beside me that caught my attention enough to keep me awake. I never would have noticed it had I not known her so well, but the subtle tension was like a screaming alarm in my brain.
"What's wrong?" I murmured, opening my eyes to see that indeed, the worried frown was back.
She sighed. "Bella…" She felt me start to sit up and patted my chest reassuringly. "She's fine, still hasn't moved. It's just… The way she looked at me earlier…" Her face held such ancient sadness and hurt, I ached with the need to take it all on for her, just so she wouldn't have to suffer.
"I saw," I said, smoothing back her hair gently. "She looked so scared."
"She was terrified, Beau." Even though I knew she couldn't cry, I could have sworn her eyes were glistening with gathering tears. "She's never looked at me that way. Nor the others, either. Even after everything she's seen, everything with James, even Jasper the other night… she's never been afraid of us. Until now."
"I know." I pressed a kiss to her forehead and put my hand on the back of her head, pulling her into me again. "But I don't think it's really you she's scared of, Edythe. It's what you remind her of."
"Edward…" she breathed, as if she was afraid of the name, too. "I just wish I knew what he said to her, then perhaps I could help."
I could feel anger bubbling again at the mention of her brother and what he had done. "Well, he didn't let her down easy, that's for sure. I've never seen her like this before, and…" I had to stop and swallow around the lump suddenly rising in my throat. "Edythe, I've got this sinking feeling we've barely seen half of how bad it's going to get."
She hummed in agreement. "I know. But there isn't anything we can do about it right now. Get some sleep, and hopefully, things will look a little clearer in the morning."
She started singing softly, the way she always did when I was having trouble sleeping. I closed my eyes and let myself be surrounded by her angelic voice until it did finally lull me into unconsciousness. If I was holding her a little tighter than usual, she didn't comment on it; if anything, I felt her arms curled more securely around me in response.
I woke up to empty arms and daylight trying vainly to break through my curtains. I was sure I hadn't slept for long, but I could hear the dull hum of voices through my bedroom door, and as the events of the previous night flooded back to me, I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. Checking the time, I saw I was technically still on time for work, but that definitely wasn't happening today; someone, probably Edythe, had had the good sense to put my phone on charge, so I was able to make a quick call to Mrs Carter, the librarian, and make my apologies. Thankfully, she'd already heard about what happened through the reliable grapevine of the Forks gossip mill, and was very sympathetic and understanding.
When I finally emerged from my room, having done the absolute bare minimum to tidy myself up and resolved to a day spent hanging around the house, I found Dr Gerandy and my father deep in conversation in the living room. The looks on their faces told me immediately that all was not well. There was no sign of Edythe; the blankets were folded neatly over the arm of the sofa, as if they had been tidied away to give people space to sit down, but were still planned to be used.
"Morning, kiddo," Charlie greeted me, sounding just as tired as he had last night.
I cut right to the chase. "How's Bella?"
The doctor sighed heavily. "Physically, she seems perfectly healthy, though still rather tired. It's the lack of responsiveness that's really worrying me."
I frowned. "What do you mean, 'lack of responsiveness'? What's wrong with her?"
"She won't talk to us, Beau," Charlie explained. "We both tried, and neither of us could get a word out of her. And she won't come down for breakfast. She won't even move."
Panic was rising in my throat. Without even thinking about what I was doing, I started heading for the hallway.
"Son," Dad said, taking hold of my wrist gently as I passed him. "I'm not sure you're going to have any more luck than we did."
"Can't hurt to try, though, can it?" I replied, hating how desperate I sounded. "I have to try, Dad."
Charlie must have seen my resolve solidifying with each passing second, because he let go of me and sat back in his recliner, looking like he was simply too exhausted to fight with me about it. I strode determinedly into the kitchen and quickly fixed two bowls of cereal. Glancing out of the window, I saw the Impala still parked against the curb, and began to wonder exactly what had become of my girlfriend. I could imagine her excusing herself from the living room so as not to intrude on Dad and the doctor's conversation, but if that were the case, then the natural place to go was the kitchen; there weren't many other options, especially if you discounted the bedrooms. I supposed she might have gone outside and resolved to hunt her down after I had attempted to get some food into my sister.
In the end, though, a hunt wasn't needed. I found Edythe standing statue still at the top of the stairs, staring into Bella's room with an expression of complete agony on her face. My heart sank immediately into the pit of my stomach.
"What happened?" I asked her anxiously. "Is she alright? Are you alright?"
Edythe unfroze as she turned to me, and looking at her straight on, I could more clearly see the guilt that underpinned her sadness and pain. "I'm sorry. I just tried to talk to her. I thought perhaps she would have more reaction to me."
"And?" I pressed.
"I was right, just not in the way I wanted to be." She nodded towards the bedroom door, standing slightly ajar. "See for yourself."
Slowly, trepidation coursing through me, I shouldered the door further open.
Bella was sitting on her bed, curled up in a ball with her face buried in her knees and her arms clamped tightly over her head, as if trying to protect herself from something about to fall on her. She wasn't making any noise, but she rocked just slightly back and forth, teetering worryingly on the edge of the mattress.
"It was like last night," Edythe whispered softly from behind me, her voice barely more than a breath. "She looked utterly terrified, and then she snapped into a ball and wouldn't move, except to pull back when I tried to touch her. I didn't dare force it for fear she would hurt herself. I thought it best to get out of her space, but I was honestly afraid to leave her alone in such a state."
It was concerning, for sure, but not precisely surprising; of course, I hadn't expected Bella's strange new aversion to Edythe to go away overnight. It certainly put a kink in any nebulous plans I might have been developing about dealing with this whole situation. There was no way I could face this – whatever it was – without Edythe's help, but if Bella couldn't even stand to have her near…
One step at a time, I reminded myself. Start with breakfast. Work up to emotional healing.
"Shut the door behind me," I murmured. "And if Charlie or Dr Gerandy come up, tell them to give me five minutes."
I didn't turn around to see if she agreed with me as I moved forward, but I heard the door click shut when I was about halfway across the room. I settled myself on the floor within arm's reach of Bella, putting the cereal bowls on either side of me and laying my hands in my lap in a way that I hoped was unthreatening. The rocking had stopped, which felt like progress, but now that I was closer, I could see her knuckles were white from the force she was using to cling to her shoulders.
"Hey sis," I said as softly as I could. "It's okay. It's just us now. She's gone."
For a moment, I thought she hadn't heard me, because she didn't relax from her tight little ball. Now that she'd stopped rocking, she was almost as still as Edythe had been. Then, slowly, her arms loosened and her head tilted up just enough for her to peer at me through the fall of her hair. Her eyes darted around the room, taking in the closed door and checking that we really were alone. Once she seemed convinced that nobody was going to jump out of the corner at her, she finally unfurled, her movements stiff and strained.
When I could see her face clearly, it became obvious what was concerning the adults downstairs. I had been expecting fear, perhaps wariness, possibly exhaustion, depending on how much sleep she had managed to get. I had been prepared for her to be sad or withdrawn, pensive or tearful. Maybe even that particular brand of stubborn she got when she didn't want to talk about something that was bothering her.
But there was none of that. Instead, her expression was completely blank. Though she looked at me, it was as if she were staring right through me, as if I just happened to be in her line of sight and she didn't have the energy or inclination to look away.
Muscling down my growing sense of unease, I gave her the best smile I could manage. "There she is. I was starting to think some weird turtle thing had replaced my little sister."
It was a terrible joke, one that should have got me an eye roll or a punch. At the very least, there should have been a "Two minutes," delivered with exasperation or irritation, depending on what mood she was in. But still, Bella just sat and stared straight ahead, as if I hadn't spoken – as if I wasn't even there.
If there was one thing I could always match her for, though, it was sheer dogged determination. So, I picked up one of the bowls beside me and held it out to her. "I know you didn't want to come down to eat, so I brought you some food. After last night, it feels like a breakfast in bed kind of day, anyway. You hungry?"
No response.
"Okay then," I said, doing my best to sound upbeat as I set the bowl on her nightstand. "I'll just leave this here for whenever you're ready. Mind if I eat mine?"
Still nothing.
I started to eat, though it was hard to swallow around the lump building in my throat. There was no sound but the clink of my spoon against the bowl and the crunch of cereal between my teeth. Part of me wanted to fill the silence with chatter, but I couldn't think of anything mundane or inconsequential enough to fit the calm, carefree mood I was trying to convey. I finished my food, and Bella still hadn't moved; her cereal was a soggy mess that I knew she wouldn't want to even try eating on a normal day.
"Blech," I teased as I stood and picked the bowl up. "This looks like it's seen better days. I'll get this out of the way for you, sorry about that. Let me know if you want anything else."
Bella's fixed gaze still had not moved. It was as if she simply wasn't hearing me anymore, as if I didn't exist. If I'd had any doubt that this would not be a typical break-up, it was gone now.
I leaned over to press a kiss on the top of her head, closing my eyes tight to keep the tears from squeezing out as my jovial facade shattered. "Please, Bella. I know it's rough right now…" Beau Swan, king of the understatement. "… but I'm here. I want to help, just… please, let me in."
Desperation took over, and I tucked my hand under her chin as I pulled away, gently turning her face up so she was looking at me. She didn't fight against me, but nothing changed in her face; she stared unseeingly in whatever direction she was pointed, and once I let go, her head drifted back down again until she was looking straight ahead again.
Defeated for now, I retreated to the door. Turning to look back at her one more time – and finding no change – I noticed something I hadn't seen until now.
The window was open.
With the climate we had in Forks, there was very little reason to ever have windows open. There was far too much chance of ending up with flooded floors, not to mention the cold. In fact, I was fairly sure there were only two people in town who habitually left their windows open, no matter the weather, and that was me and my sister. We'd never exactly discussed it, but every time I had been in her room since March, the window had been open, and I knew it was for the same reason mine was almost always open – because it was someone's way into the room, available to them whenever they wanted. I couldn't decide what the window meant; was it open because she hadn't given up hope that her night-time visitor would return, because she hadn't accepted he was really gone, or because she was simply too lost to even get up and close it?
I shut the door behind me gently and stood for a moment, staring down at the slowly concealing mass of uneaten cereal in the untouched bowl. Edythe had vanished again, but I could hear Charlie seeing the doctor off at the door.
"Keep me in the loop," Dr Gerandy was saying. "Keep talking to her, keep trying with food and get her out of her room if you can. And… well, at the risk of jumping to more extreme conclusions…"
"Spit it out, Harv," Charlie said tersely when the other man had paused for longer than he liked
"Just that… you might want to take the lock off her door."
A shudder ran through me at those words and everything they implied.
The rest of the day, and in fact the entire weekend, was more of the same. Dad and I took turns taking Bella's food up to her, trying to engage her in conversation, but nothing changed; she just stared ahead and acted as if we weren't there. When I went up on Sunday morning and found her in exactly the same position I'd left her in on Saturday night, still wearing Friday's clothes and with bags under her eyes that would give a vampire a run for their money, I realised she hadn't slept either. Edythe hovered around the house, pretending to sleep on the couch, cleaning things up and even doing the laundry, shushing Charlie's protests and insisting that she would do anything she could to help.
Monday dawned, and it quickly became obvious that there was no way we would get Bella to school. Dad debated calling in to work and claiming a personal day to keep an eye on her – he wouldn't hear of me cutting school to do the same – until Edythe piped up and said she would do it.
"I have some vacation days saved up," she insisted when my dad pointed out that she had a job to get back to as well. "I'll tell them I have a family emergency. It's basically true."
Charlie didn't look completely convinced, but the argument fizzled out in the wake of Edythe's patented confident certainty and the pressure of needing to leave before we were late.
School was torture. I couldn't focus at all, not on class or the conversations of my friends. I didn't even have the energy to be mad at Logan anymore, though I avoided sitting by him at lunch. It felt like there was a distance between me and my other friends; I was caught in an intense sensation of being alone, one that felt completely alien and wrong to me. When school had started this year and there had been no Edythe by my side for the first time since freshman year, I'd at least still had Bella, Alice and Edward. They were no substitute, but they had soothed the sting. Now there was no one with me that fully understood what was happening in my life, no one shooting me knowing looks across the lunch table, no one I could catch in a free moment between classes to confide in. No one who could see through my facades either; everyone believed me when I told them Bella was just sick and she would be fine soon. I practically ran to the truck at the end of the day, eager to get home. The cab seemed to echo with emptiness and I couldn't even enjoy the new stereo without Bella there to comment on the expense of it or my choice of music. I turned it off and drove in silence.
When I got home, Edythe was waiting for me at the door. She didn't have to say a word; her face and the shake of her head were enough to tell me there had been no change. Her arms were open, and I stepped into the hug gratefully. Nothing could completely chase the clouds away right now, but she certainly helped lighten them a bit.
The rest of the week was the same. Charlie and I returned to our usual routine, but Bella remained in the same state of abstraction. She continued ignoring whatever food we brought to her and remained frozen in place on her bed, not speaking, not sleeping, not reacting to anything at all. Except that whenever Edythe got too close to her, she snapped into a tight little ball and wouldn't emerge until she was convinced that Edythe was gone. Oddly, that gave me a bit of hope; she hadn't completely shut down, and she was at least somewhat aware of her surroundings.
Dad called the doctor on Wednesday and made me go in my room and do my homework while they had an intense conversation in the kitchen. Of course, he hadn't counted on Edythe sitting next to me and giving me a play-by-play. It wasn't a pleasant talk, even heard second hand. Dr Gerandy threw around words like 'depression' and 'catatonic' and suggested Bella might need to be hospitalised if things kept going the way they were for much longer. It took nearly five minutes for Edythe to bring me down from the panic attack that the suggestion sent me into. Dinner that night was quiet, like it had been every night, but with a crackling tension that hadn't been there until now. I couldn't escape the feeling that my dad was planning something, something I was not going to like in the slightest.
When I got home from work on Friday afternoon, there was an unfamiliar car parked across the driveway; as I walked past it up the drive, I saw a rental company sticker in the windshield.
"Dad?" I called as I shut the door behind me.
"In the kitchen, kiddo!"
I dropped my bag by the door and made my way to the kitchen. My confused frown vanished as soon as I got to the entryway, replaced by what I was sure was a comically startled look as I saw who our visitor was.
"Mom!"
My mother smiled and stood up from one of the kitchen chairs to come and give me a hug. "Hi, baby. It's good to see you. Happy late birthday!" Her tone was chipper and cheerful, but I could hear the strain in it, and as I pulled back from her hug, I could see the redness around her eyes that told me she'd been crying.
"It's good to see you, too." I knew my expression wouldn't match my words as the shock wore off and the frown came back. "But… look, Mom, don't take this the wrong way… why are you here, exactly?"
"I called her." My dad's face was grim. "She's taking Bella to Florida."
"What?" I felt like I'd been unexpectedly slapped in the face. "Why would you do that?"
Charlie crossed his arms, a look on his face that told me he'd been expecting resistance. "You two may be technically adults, but we're still your parents, and we have to act in your best interests. Your sister is not well, Beau, and I don't think being here is helping. If she keeps going like this, not eating, not sleeping…" Pain flashed across his face, but he pressed on. "She's only a few more days away from needing a hospital."
"We can take care of her," I insisted.
"Sweetheart," Renée put her hand on my arm, no longer hiding the worry in her eyes. "I know you love Bella and you want to help her, but I went up to see her when I got here." She shook her head sadly. "Baby, your dad is right. I'm not sure there are many more options before we have to look at getting her professional help. Hopefully, a change of scenery, being with me and Phil, it will help her clear her head."
I looked back and forth at both my parents, seeing the decisive looks on both their faces, and knew there was nothing I could say to change their minds. For all the issues they might have, parenting decisions had never been a point of contention between them; a rule at one house was a rule at both, and all major decisions about us were made together, regardless of whether it impacted the other parent. As Mom was fond of saying, their marriage had ended, but our family had not.
"Fine," I said finally. "Clearly you've made up your minds. But I still think you're making a mistake."
"I'm sorry you feel that way, son." Dad's face was grim, resigned and disappointed at once.
Renée tried a more gentle tactic. "Will you help us get her packed up? You might know where all her things are better than us."
A petulant, childish part of me wanted to say no, to refuse to have anything to do with their plan. But I also knew it wouldn't make any difference besides upsetting my mother more than was needed right now.
"Alright," I relented.
Mom smiled hugely and gave me another hug, then took my hand and started leading me upstairs, Charlie trailing behind us.
Bella's door had been left open, and I could see she was sitting in exactly the same spot on the bed, her expression blank and her eyes fixed on nothing, as usual. Renée went straight in and crouched in front of her, taking her limp hands and talking to her softly.
"Where does she keep that duffle bag?" Charlie asked me gruffly.
"Under the bed, I think. Most of her clothes are in the dresser." I folded my arms and leaned against the wall by the door, making no move to help with the packing; telling them where to find stuff was one thing, but physically helping put clothes in bags felt like the ultimate betrayal of my sister's trust.
A cold hand touched my elbow as Charlie went to get Bella's bag – carefully going around behind her so she wouldn't see him, I noticed – and put it on the end of her bed while Renée moved to the dresser and started levering out a pile of t-shirts.
I looked down at Edythe, one eyebrow raised. "What do you think of this plan?"
"I don't know." Her face was completely open and honest, as usual. "It might be good for her, it might be more of the same. I don't believe it can possibly be any worse, and this way she'll be away from me for a while."
My forehead creased in a frown, but before I could ask her what she meant by that, Bella abruptly turned her head towards where our parents were now loading armfuls of her clothes into the bag. Edythe's hand tightened on my arm, and I was right there with her; this was the first voluntary movement Bella had made in nearly a week, besides her snapping into a ball routine.
"What are you doing?" she asked, her voice scratchy and small from lack of use.
The entire room froze for two full seconds, all of us staring at Bella like she'd just announced she was planning to join the circus.
As if speaking wasn't startling enough, she stood up, her legs a little shaky but stable once she got her balance, and repeated her question, more power to the words this time. "What. Are. You. Doing?"
Renée was the first to recover. "Sweetie, you're coming to live with me, okay? Come on, help us get you packed up." She held out her hand invitingly, forcing a smile onto her face through her total astonishment.
Bella frowned and shook her head slowly. "No. No, I live here. I want to stay here."
"Baby…" Mom started to say, but Bella was on a roll now.
"I'm not going anywhere!" she yelled, her voice cracking twice, and dived forward to grab the pair of jeans on top of the duffle bag, flinging them across the room so they hit the wardrobe with a heavy thunk. Charlie and Renée backed up, seemingly on instinct, as Bella went back into the bag and continued flinging handful after handful of her clothes around the room. There was no rhyme or reason, nothing in the movement but blind rage and the need to have them out of the bag; she didn't care where they landed, and the room was quickly covered in fabric. The entire time, she was shouting, screaming really, the volume and pitch becoming almost painful. "I'm not leaving! You can't make me leave! You can't make me!"
When the bag was finally empty, she stood panting, her hands in fists at her sides, staring us all down as if daring anyone to argue with her. But as her eyes passed over Edythe, her militant expression crumbled and her lip began to quiver.
"Beau," she croaked, looking at me pleadingly. "I can't leave. I can't…"
"I know," I assured her, moving forward carefully until I was standing right in front of her. "I know, Bell."
Tears welled up in her eyes and spilled over as the first heavy sob shook her body. It felt like my own heart was breaking, watching her suffer this way, and I grabbed her into a hug as she began to cry in earnest. Her whole tiny body shook from the force of her misery; my shirt was quickly soaked and her cries built into hysterics within seconds. Seriously afraid that she was going to fall at any second, I carefully guided her to sit on the bed, keeping her wrapped tightly in my arms. I heard Edythe's voice, and though Bella drowned out her exact words, I looked up to see her gently herding our parents out of the room; Renée had tears of her own slowly leaking down her face, and Charlie's expression was a complicated mix of shock, sadness, and guilt.
For a long time, I simply sat and held my sister as she cried. I knew she wouldn't have heard anything I had to say, even if I could have thought of something that could actually help. As it was, I had nothing to offer, no comfort to provide but the strength of my arms around her as she finally gave in to her pain. Even as it felt like each sob was a dagger stabbing me in the heart, I knew she needed me to be the calm, collected one right now, to give her this space to fall apart in the safety of an embrace from someone she trusted.
It had to have been at least an hour after the tears began when they finally dried up. Bella's breathing gradually slowed, though it continued to hitch and shudder with sporadic sobs as she slumped limply against me. I pulled back carefully to get a look at her face; her eyes were closed, and though she was far from peaceful, she had fallen asleep at last. Gently, I laid her down on her pillow, sweeping aside a few random bits of clothing that had ended up on the comforter. I sat and watched for a few moments, just in case she was still awake, but she didn't stir. Satisfied that she was getting something resembling rest for the moment, I retreated from her room as quietly as I could, closing the door softly behind me.
I had to take a moment to compose myself before I could go downstairs. My head was a swirl of conflicting emotions – relief that Bella had finally snapped out of that lifeless staring, worry that it was only temporary, fear of the intensity of her reaction to the packing, hope that it would mean our mother agreeing to leave her here, anger at the one who had caused all of it. It felt like all the feelings would be impossible to reconcile. In the end, I knew I had to focus on one thing at a time, or I would go insane.
First goal: keep my sister here, where I could watch out for her and do what I could to help.
When I got downstairs, I found the others had ended up in the living room. Mom sat on the couch, no longer crying, but her eyes were red and her expression was miserable. Edythe was beside her, a comforting hand on her back, while Dad was in his recliner, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees again, a deep frown on his face.
"She's sleeping," I announced as I entered. "Don't know how long it'll last, but…"
"It's something," Charlie finished for me, taking a deep breath and letting it out in a huff. "Might even give us time to get packed while she's out."
Renée looked at him like he'd suggested something truly heinous, like amputating a limb or getting a lobotomy. "You can't honestly still be planning to send her away after all of that? Charlie, I don't think we'd be able to get her on a plane."
"You'll be lucky to get her out of the house," I quipped, sharper than I intended in my frustration.
Charlie was on his feet in seconds. "Well, she needs to be out of it," he thundered. "Clearly, being here isn't doing her any favours. Somewhere else, somewhere with no memories… surely that's got to be better for her."
Under the anger, I could see his desperation; he was lost, trying to find a solution when he didn't have a hope of understanding the depths of the problem.
I did my best to speak more calmly. "Dad, I get what you're trying to do, and your heart's in the right place, but we both know Bella too well to believe we can get her to do something she doesn't want to. Not when she really digs her heels in. Honestly, have you ever seen her throw a fit like that?"
"She got pretty heated when she didn't want to come here for summers anymore," Mom murmured, looking down as if afraid to admit to it. "But even then, it wasn't this bad."
The room fell silent, each of us lost in our own thoughts for a moment. Edythe was that slightly unnatural degree of still that she got when she was particularly stressed, but thankfully my parents seemed too distracted to notice.
I took the plunge and broke the silence. "One thing I'm sure we can all agree on, Bella isn't going anywhere right now." I looked at Renée. "I'm sorry you had to come all this way for nothing, Mom."
She stood up and came over to give me a hug. "Oh, sweetie, it's okay. We couldn't have known how she would react, and besides, I'm glad to have got to see you both, even under the… less than ideal circumstances."
I hugged her back, then turned to Charlie. "Maybe we can revisit this in a month or two, when things aren't as fresh. Bella's all emotion right now – perhaps with time she'll be able to see the logic in your argument, but she just can't process it yet."
I felt like utter crap, knowing I was most likely lying to him. But there was just the tiniest spark of hope even in me, not to mention a vindictive little voice that wanted all this pain she was feeling to turn into rage, directed squarely at the true source of her heartbreak.
The rest of the evening was relatively uneventful. I robotically went through the motions of preparing dinner, while Charlie put the TV on, seemingly just to fill the silence. We didn't talk much as we ate – or pretended to, in Edythe's case – and then Renée had to get back to her hotel.
"Early flight in the morning," she remarked, her chipper tone very much forced, as she gathered up her small handbag and put her shoes on.
Charlie rubbed the back of his neck, looking guilty and uncomfortable. "I can send you something for the cost once I get paid. Must have been pricey this last minute."
She waved him off. "Oh, don't worry about it, Charlie. You know I don't mind spending a bit of money when it comes to the kids."
"It has been really good to see you, Mom," I said, perhaps laying it on a bit thick; after all, she'd only been here a few hours, and we hadn't really done anything.
Nevertheless, she beamed and gave me a fierce hug. "You too, baby. And it was nice to see you again too, Edythe." She pulled back and took my girlfriend's hands, giving them a little squeeze.
Edythe returned her smile with one that was beautiful but not as wide as usual (although I was pretty sure only I would notice that part). "Yes, it was lovely catching up. Do let me know when you plan on coming back into town, I would love to spend some more time together."
The artificiality of the whole conversation was beginning to leave a sour taste in my mouth. It seemed somewhere between impossible and ridiculous that we could exchange pleasantries like this, as if my sister's entire world hadn't just fallen apart. As of this was some casual social call and not an attempted intervention. But I also realised this was what was needed; Mom wanted a little normal, and Edythe, ever the people-pleaser, was giving it to her.
The packing debacle had made dinner a bit later than usual, late enough that Charlie didn't argue when I suggested we all head to bed. He still had a deep frown on his face as he trudged upstairs, and I heard the soft creak and click of Bella's bedroom door opening and closing as he checked on her.
Edythe laid the blankets out on the couch but made no pretence of sleeping in them, giving me just enough time alone in my room to change before she joined me. There were no words tonight; she just lay down beside me, half sat up against the pillow, and pulled me into her arms, my head rested on her chest. I kept it together until she softly kissed my hair and whispered that she loved me. Then the floodgates opened, and it was my turn to cry until I fell asleep. Edythe held me tight and murmured soft reassuring words that I didn't really hear, but which helped lull me into unconsciousness.
When I woke up, it was with the muddled, hazy feel of having been forced awake before I was ready. At first I was too disorientated to take in much, let alone work out what had woken me. Edythe seemed to be gone until I felt the mattress shift and realised she was just getting out of the bed. There was a deep frown on her face and she looked like she was heading for the door. Before I could ask her what was wrong, I heard a sound that both answered the question and jolted me into full consciousness, like a bucket of ice water had been dumped on my head.
A loud, shrill scream, coming from upstairs.
I scrambled out of bed, shared one panicked look with Edythe, and then both of us were moving towards the source of the sound. I didn't care about how much noise I was making as I barrelled up the stairs, but it didn't matter; by the time I got to Bella's room, Charlie was already there, flinging the door open as she continued to shriek like someone was twisting a knife in her gut. I half expected to see someone actually in her room attacking her. Yet she was completely alone, writhing in her bed sheets with a face twisted in agony, but no obvious source of pain.
Charlie hurried forward and shook her shoulder, clearly struggling to be gentle in his panic. "Bella, wake up, honey. Wake up, Bells."
To my intense relief, Bella did wake up almost instantly, jerking under Charlie's hand and cutting her last scream short with a little choking sound. Like me, she seemed disoriented at first, her eyes wheeling around the room before settling back on our dad.
"You okay?" he asked softly, running a soothing hand down her arm. "Does something hurt?"
Bella blinked a few times, like she was processing the question and deciding how to answer, then shook her head. "Bad dream. That's all."
Her voice was barely more than a breath, but she was still talking and that felt like a minor miracle. My joy was tempered by the way she curled into herself and wouldn't quite meet anyone's eye.
Dad didn't sound too convinced either, but did his best at comforting. "That's right, just a dream. Nothing to hurt you here."
Bella just pulled her covers more tightly around her chin.
"Want me to stay until you fall asleep again?" he offered.
She shook her head.
"What about Beau or Edythe? They're here too."
Just the mention of Edythe's name made the shaking more fervent and the fear flash across her face.
Dad saw it too. "Okay, okay. We'll let you sleep." He gave her a soft kiss on the forehead and retreated to the door where I was still hovering.
Once the door was shut, Charlie sagged against the wall, suddenly looking ten years older.
"Well," he sighed heavily. "I think we can say for sure she's not catatonic anymore."
"I don't think this is better," I said grimly.
His response was wry, but the expression that came with it was more of a grimace than a smile. "Right you are, son. Not sure how we deal with this either, if I'm being honest."
I rubbed my tired eyes. "I think we just have to get as much rest as we can in case it happens again. We're no good to her half-dead ourselves."
Charlie mumbled something that sounded like an agreement and slumped back to his room, looking defeated. I probably looked much the same as I trudged back downstairs, only Edythe's gentle guiding hand keeping me moving. Back in the relative privacy of my room, we immediately curled back onto the bed together.
"I'm not sure how many more times I can convince him everything will be alright," I mumbled into her hair, burying my nose in the soft tresses. "Although it would probably help if I believed it myself."
Edythe sighed. "I know the feeling. This is an entirely unprecedented situation."
"Plenty of people have broken up before," I argued, but it was weak and I knew exactly what she would say next.
"But Bella and Edward have never broken up before. I'm not sure any vampire has deliberately tried to leave their mate. Those of us that lose them are pretty much just consumed with a drive to avenge their death, and, assuming we survive that, sink into what amounts to a deep depression."
"You really think she's his mate?" I asked. I'd heard the word bandied about before, usually describing the romantic bonds between vampires who weren't the Cullens; the family favoured human terms like husband or girlfriend.
Edythe shrugged nonchalantly. "You are mine. Why should she not be his? We have both always been oddities among the odd, our diet and our talents making us stand apart from so many of our kind. Perhaps we are both equally inclined toward strange romantic interests, ones those others would find utterly incomprehensible."
"But you're still here," I pointed out. "And he isn't. If Bella is really so important to him, how could he even think about going?"
"Because he is Edward," she replied, her tone betraying deep frustration. "He is a vile and monstrous creature, undeserving of any glimmer of joy – or so he feels. He has a truly remarkable ability to make every disaster into his own responsibility, and he can be rash in his responses." She sighed, sounding as tired as I felt, even though I knew exhaustion was next to impossible for her. "I do believe that he is trying to do what is best for Bella. That he is protecting her, in the only way his twisted, insecure mind can conceive of. I cannot be certain, but I have hope that if he were made aware of exactly what chaos and misery his departure has wrought in her, it might just sway him enough to get him back here."
I made a face. "You think that's a good idea?"
She arched one perfect eyebrow. "Can you think of anything else?"
"I don't like it," I grumbled. "He's messed up way too much, as far as I'm concerned. Besides, if he shows his face around here again, Charlie might actually try to shoot him, and God only knows what that would do." And he would handle the fallout all by himself, if I had any say in the matter.
Edythe smoothed my hair and kissed my forehead, a wisp of an amused smile on her lips. "Your righteous indignation on your sister's behalf is quite adorable, my love."
"I was kind of going for intimidating," I quipped. "But I guess it's hard to intimidate a guy who can dead-lift a mid-sized sedan. It's all a bit of a moot point right now, though. He's not going to find out, so he won't be coming back."
She was always very good at controlling her expression, but there was suddenly something in Edythe's eyes that made my heart drop into the pit of my stomach faster than an elevator in free fall.
I sat up so I could see her more clearly. "Please don't tell me you're planning what I think you're planning."
Her face became both guilty and pleading in equal measure. "I have to try, Beau. If what Carine told me on the phone is to be believed, he is suffering nearly as much as Bella. If I can only shake some sense into him…" She let the idea hang, then shook her head as if even she wasn't sure it would work. "Regardless, I still have to leave. Edward may have royally screwed the pooch, but he was right to get everyone else to leave along with him." Now her eyes were full of deep sadness. "She's afraid of me, Beau. My presence here is hurting her, and I don't think that's going to change anytime soon. If she is to truly heal, if I cannot get my brother to change his famously unchangeable kind, then she must adapt to life without him, which she cannot do when I am reminding her of him every day. Each time she sees me, she is put right back in that moment he left her, and I simply cannot bear to be a cause of that much pain."
"You aren't the cause," I argued. "A trigger, maybe, but you didn't do this to her, Edythe."
"That is as may be, but I cannot fix it either. Not here, not like this." She took my face in her hands and stared deep into my eyes, the golden depths of hers magnetic in their intensity. "Let me be abundantly clear, my love. I am not leaving you. If I had my way, we would never be parted from one another, not for a second. Yet just as I must go away for hours or days to hunt, just as we had to be parted for your protection from James, so I must go for this. I would not do it if I did not have some hope it could help."
I leaned in and pressed my forehead hard to hers, my voice unashamedly desperate. "I don't know how I'm going to face this without you."
"I will return as soon as I can." Her tone held the unmistakable ring of a promise. "I will call you with every spare moment I have. You will not be without me a second longer than necessary, I swear it."
She pulled me forward into a deep, desperate kiss that I returned with as much fervour as I could. I knew my scent was not as intense for her as Bella's had always been for Edward, but the closeness of these intimate moments still meant Edythe could find them difficult. Usually, I was attentive to her struggles, and did my best not to push her control too far – as much as I could, given the thought-stealing quality of her kisses. Now, though, I just didn't have it in me to hold back. Edythe seemed to be in much the same mood; her lips were less gentle, less cautious than usual. Her hand slid into my hair and gripped the strands, and I was certain I heard a small mewling sound escape her as my arms wrapped around her and pulled her tight to my chest. Despite the cold of her skin, it felt like I was burning everywhere she touched me, and I couldn't hold back the gasps escaping each time there was the slightest gap between my mouth and hers (which wasn't often). It was like I couldn't have her close enough, like I wouldn't be satisfied until we were melded together, until it was impossible to tell where she ended and I began. The way she moulded herself to me made me think she felt the same.
Somewhere along the way, my hands had wandered to her sides and begun caressing the curves of her waist, up and down, up and down, a little higher and a little lower each time, until I was very much crossing into dangerous territory. She didn't stop me at first, and I got bolder; perhaps this would be the time when it would be safe, when the desperation of impending departure would make her brave. But when I went as far as gripping her hips and gently trying to coax them closer to mine, she finally broke away from the kiss with a gasp.
"Beau… no…" she panted, sounding breathless despite her lack of need for oxygen.
I was instantly cowed and began pulling back. "Sorry, sorry. I know, I should know better."
Edythe gently cupped my face again, her thumbs caressing my cheeks. "There is that, of course. But I also don't want us to do anything rash simply out of fear. Believe me, I feel much the way you do." Her eyes were burning again, like pools of molten gold that I would happily drown in, excruciating pain be damned. "Were there no other considerations… But we must choose the right time, the right reasons. That step is one we must not take lightly."
"I know," I sighed again. "I really am sorry."
She shook her head, the smallest indulgent smile creeping onto her face. "It takes two to tango, as they say. I am not without fault. But, since I know you won't stop apologising until you hear it, you are forgiven."
She leaned in and kissed me once more, long and lingering but no longer without restraint; I made sure to keep my wits about me and, more importantly, keep my hands still. One of us (I honestly wasn't sure if it was her or me) had the presence of mind to pull away before things got too heated again, but we didn't go far. We stayed entwined, barely a fraction of an inch between us, for the rest of the night.
I fell asleep at some point, and there were no more screams to startle me awake. Saturday morning dawned just as grey and cloudy as ever, with that fine misting rain which clung to everything and seemed not so much to fall as simply exist, hanging in the air to be walked through and leaving the tiniest speckles on my windshield as I drove to work. There had been no sign of Bella yet when I got up, but by the time I pulled the truck into the library's parking lot, I had a text from Charlie letting me know she had woken up and eaten half a bowl of cereal. While it was only a minor comfort, it was something. Perhaps even a step in the right direction. It certainly balanced out some of the malaise I felt seeing another text from Edythe.
Sorting out some things at my house, probably won't see you until later. E x
I was distracted all shift, my brain bouncing madly from Bella to Edward to Edythe, and I made so many shelving mistakes I was likely more hindrance than help to sweet old Mrs Faulkner, the librarian. When I got home, I went straight to my room, barely waving to Charlie as he headed out for his own weekend shift at the station. I was intent on getting my head back on straight by putting a dent in my homework, but I got interrupted after about half an hour, while I was struggling to make Calculus make sense through the lingering fog in my brain.
"Beau?"
I looked up to see Bella hovering in my bedroom doorway, her arms curled around a pile of something held to her chest.
"Hey, sis," I said, giving her a smile that I hoped looked natural and unconcerned. "What's up?"
Her eyes danced around my room as if searching for something. "Is… Edythe here?"
"No, not right now. Did you need her for something?" Could she be getting over this weird aversion to my girlfriend? Would Edythe be able to stay after all? Not likely, I told myself firmly. Don't get your hopes up.
Sure enough, she quickly shook her head, the subtlest hint of relief on her blank face. "No. I just wanted… could you pass these on to her?"
She held out her pile, and now I could see more clearly what it was. A white paper box, a CD case, folded fabric, green with a black velvet floral pattern – it was her birthday presents from the Cullens.
I frowned. "Bell, I don't think she'll take them. I mean, they're yours. They were gifts."
"I know, but… I can't… I just can't…" Her breath was hitching alarmingly and I could see her hands starting to shake. "I need them gone."
"Okay, okay." I hurried over to her and took hold of her upper arms, hoping I could keep her grounded. "How about this? I'll keep them in here, nice and hidden so you don't know where they are, but if you ever want them back for whatever reason, you just have to ask. That sound good?"
She seemed uncertain, looking from me to the pile in her hands several times, but at last she slowly nodded. She held the stack of stuff out again, and I took it from her carefully.
"Thank you," she murmured softly, the subtle hints of emotion already faded from her face and indifferent blankness returning.
"No problem," I replied, moving to put the stuff on my desk for now. When I looked up, she was already retreating. "Hey, Bell?"
Bella paused and turned halfway around, not like she really cared what I had to say, just that she was expected to answer to her name. "Yes?"
"I just want you to know… I love you, and I'm here for you." Please, let her believe me. Please, let her let me in.
But no such luck. She was still for about half a second longer, then mumbled, "Love you too," and walked away.
If my heart was in my stomach before, it hit my shoes now.
Moving almost robotically, I put Bella's gifts in an old backpack so they would be a little more discrete stashed in the bottom of my dresser – not that she or anyone else would be likely to go digging around my room for no reason. It was as I unfolded the dress to pack it more efficiently that I discovered I hadn't just been entrusted with the Cullens' presents; she'd tucked her journal into the folds of the skirt, and it dropped to the floor with a thunk as I shook out the fabric.
I frowned as I bent to pick it up. Why on earth would she give me this? The rest I could understand (the CD especially, which had to be her gift from Edward and Alice) but the journal had come from Mom. I tried to hold myself back, to firmly tell myself no, even attempted distraction by focusing all my attention on refolding the dress, putting it carefully in the bag, finding the perfect spot for everything in the bottom drawer. But after that was all done, the temptation was simply too much. I wouldn't read it, I told myself, just have a glance.
A glance was all I really needed. Bella's signature chicken scratch filled the first few lined pages, and facing each one was a collage of photos and sketches showing every aspect of her life. There was the truck and the house, our friends, the two of us with Charlie. Exchanging presents at the party, our vampires watching on with gentle smiles.
There was an entire page dedicated solely to Edward.
Of course, she would be just as eager to have this away from her as everything else. It was full of memories, full of him, and if Edythe was right, that's what Bella was trying to get away from. Still, I couldn't bring myself to put the journal in the bag with everything else. It was like a little piece of my sister, a snapshot of who she had been before she was broken, and that should never be hidden. So I found an inconspicuous corner of my desk and left it there; she was certain to see it quickly if she ever came in here, but to anyone else it would blend in with all the other clutter. I really hoped it wouldn't be there long.
A familiar horn honked outside, and I hurried through the house to find Edythe just reaching our front door, her car parked across the driveway. She stepped into my arms and kissed me just like always, but didn't follow when I tried to lead her into the house.
"I can't stay," she murmured. "I have a ferry to catch to get to-"
I cut her off. "No. Don't tell me where you're going. I'll be too tempted to follow you."
"Oh, Beau," she sighed, drawing me back into a tight embrace. I held on desperately, as if I had any hope of keeping her from leaving. I wasn't afraid for her to see how much I wanted her to stay; even without her gift, she knew, had always known, that I was hopeless when it came to her.
"It isn't forever," Edythe whispered softly in my ear, running her fingers tenderly through the hair on the back of my head. "I will be back."
"I know," I mumbled into her neck. "But that doesn't make it any easier."
"For me either." She pulled back a little, laying one soft white hand on my chest. "Keep my heart safe for me?"
I put my hand over hers. "Always."
Her smile was small, but radiant. "I love you, Beau Swan."
I put my hand on the back of her head and pressed my forehead to hers. "I love you, Edythe Cullen. Forever."
"Forever," she agreed in a breath of a whisper.
We shared one last soft, lingering kiss, and then she was gone. I watched her car until it was out of sight, trying to resist the urge to break down and cry. My logical brain knew this was what was best for my sister, but logic meant very little when the love of my life was choosing to leave me for an indefinite amount of time. I had a new level of empathy for my sister; it was very tempting to just shut down and block out the world completely.
But this was not the same, I reminded myself. Bella had been dropped like an unwanted toy, hurt and abandoned by someone she had loved and trusted. I was now simply living what I had been telling everyone for the last month; my girlfriend was far away and only able to visit occasionally, but she was still mine. I knew she would be back whenever she could. Bella had no such assurance.
Eventually, I dragged myself back inside and contemplated getting back to my work, but one glance at the numbers swirling together on the page told me that was hopeless now. Instead, I put on the Muse CD Phil had sent me last Christmas and lay back on my bed, letting the beat, the voices and the screaming guitars engulf all my attention. Each time the album ran its course, I started it over, and soon my only vague familiarity with the lyrics turned into singing along with every song. I got so engrossed that I completely forgot about making dinner; when I finally realised the time and rushed out to throw together something quick, I found Bella already in the kitchen, most of the way through the preparation for steak and potatoes. I didn't comment, afraid to shatter this tiny step back towards normalcy, and started to set the table. Charlie got home just as everything was ready; he looked pleased to see Bella cooking, and his smile only widened when she sat down at the table and started eating with us. It wasn't perfect – she didn't eat very much, leaving half her food sitting on the plate – but it felt like an improvement.
As we were finishing, Charlie seemed to suddenly realise we were short one person. "Where's Edythe disappeared to?"
Bella stiffened, her fork clanking on her plate.
I carefully kept my eyes on my food as I answered. "She had to head back to Seattle. I guess she used up all her grace at work having to stay this long."
Play the game, cover the truth – that was how you had to live when you were Cullen-adjacent. I accepted it, but it still put a nasty taste in my mouth and made me anxious; with my luck, it would be far too easy to see through my lies.
Fortunately, I had built up enough trust with my dad that he rarely doubted me. Now he sighed disappointedly. "That's a shame, I was kind of getting used to having her around again. Ah well, I'm sure she'll be back soon."
"Maybe," I said with a shrug, hoping he would interpret my malaise as typical teenage moping as I had to face not having immediate access to my girlfriend all the time.
My sister, for her part, had relaxed somewhat and was toying with her dinner again. She picked up a half-forkful of potato, chewed thoroughly and swallowed, and my black mood lifted just a little.
We had turned a corner, and now a new normal gradually developed.
Four months went by. Edythe called or texted almost every day with updates, though I wouldn't let her tell me much. I didn't want to hear where they had really gone or how everyone was settling in. I didn't want to know how sorry they were for leaving or how much they missed us. I certainly didn't want to hear Edward's actual reasons for leaving or how he was suffering just as much as Bella was. Though the details slipped through, I refused to think about them. She forced me to listen when she told me he was leaving the rest of the family, mainly because she was going with him and might be out of communication for longer. Of course, this only made me more resentful. But for the most part, I tried to stay positive during our brief interactions. They were all I had of her right now, and they had to be treasured, especially because I couldn't afford to fall apart while my sister still needed me.
Bella was there in body. She went to school and work. She cooked and cleaned when it was her turn, drove to school every other day, and got all her homework done. She answered questions that were addressed to her and sat watching TV with me in the living room if I asked her to. She would even come along on outings with our friends, though most of them found it difficult to know how to act around her; Jeremy and McKayla in particular seemed to resent her presence, and even Angela stopped calling to ask how she was doing. I did my best to keep them from giving up hope in her, aware that I was probably fighting a losing battle.
But no matter what I tried, it was clear that something was fundamentally wrong with her. She refused to have the stereo on in the truck, and she threw out a bunch of her CDs. Her appetite shrank; she seemed to force her food down at every meal and visibly lost weight, which she didn't have a lot of to begin with. Every night, we would hear her screaming as night terrors woke her. It took only a few weeks for Charlie and I to stop checking on her every time, and I was ashamed to find that after a while, I could almost sleep through her episodes. The bags under her eyes got more and more pronounced as the repeated disturbed sleep left her tired and operating on the bare minimum of energy. She barely acknowledged that Christmas even happened and didn't touch her presents; they stayed in the living room, still in the paper, until Charlie finally unwrapped them and moved them to her room. Her birthday presents stayed in my dresser drawer and her journal gradually gathered dust on my desk, untouched and unfilled.
Most concerning of all, I was certain that I hadn't seen her smile once since September. It was as if her spirit, her very soul, had deserted her, leaving only the shell of a person behind.
My sister was slipping away, and I had no idea how to save her.
