The only time I've ever seen Eric Coulter nervous was when we are waiting to be led into the visitation room to meet with Tobias. There was a small part of me that didn't want to show him affection in front of Tobias, but that thought was fleeting as soon as I realized just how vulnerable Eric was in this moment. His hand was sweating in mine, and he kept nervously looking towards the room as we followed the orderly tech.
Once the door is closed behind us, Tobias stands, frowning slightly as he glances down to where my hand is joined with Eric's, and I watch as he takes a measured breath before extending his hand to Eric to shake.
"I'm Four."
Eric looks down, his left hand still trembling in mine, and he shakes the proffered hand before finally meeting Four's eyes, "They call me Paul. I'm going to assume you know that's not who I am."
"You assume correctly." Tobias replies as he drops Eric's hand.
He watches as Eric drops my hand long enough to pull a chair out for me, and he doesn't take a seat until I am settled in. Tobias studies Eric, looking at him much like I'm sure I did before, and Eric wipes his palms on his scrub pants when he finally sits next to me. His hand searches for mine, and I realize today I am going to have to be the strong one.
I can do this.
"What do you know about his memory wipe?" I ask, deciding to immediately rip the band-aid off and force Tobias to answer questions I know Eric has.
"I need you both to understand that my memories were also manipulated, and there are some things I did during those times that I am not proud of." Tobias answers and I narrow my eyes at him.
"Like what?" I ask.
"I was there when Eric was wiped," He replies, and Eric takes in a deep breath. Tobias turns towards him, and continues, "I'd already been wiped and had coercion memories implanted. I now know that you had serious misgivings about what Jeanine and Max were doing, but back then I was led to believe that Jeanine was wiping your memory to have someone to place the blame on if anything were to go wrong with her plans." He explains.
"So, you were working with the people who caused the war?" Eric asks.
"Not willingly." Tobias retorts.
"You were influenced by the serum?" I ask and Tobias's brown eyes meet mine as he nods slowly.
"I know neither of you have any reason to trust me-"
"I don't even fucking know you, much less trust you. I know she thought you were dead, and when she found out you were alive it took you weeks to even visit her." Eric growls.
"And I've explained to her why that is. She needed time to heal, and I was fighting my own memory serum. It wasn't a good idea for me to see her."
"Yet here you are." Eric sneered and for a moment it's as if nothing has changed between them.
"If you two are as close as you appear then you already know what I told her. I've kept my distance to protect her, and to get my own shit straightened out where it comes to my mother. She's going to start another war, and this time she's got the people and tools to be successful. People are going to die due to the plans Jeanine helped put into place. There's only one living person who was in Jeanine's inner circle, and that's you."
"And why does that matter to you?" Eric asks with a trace of venom in his voice.
"Because I think that you can help me end this." Tobias replies.
"Why do you assume I would want to help you end this? I don't remember shit about what you want me to end!" Eric shouts.
"Are you sure you don't remember anything, Eric? Because you sure as fuck sound like the person I used to know."
"She needed you." Eric says in a low voice, and he squeezes my hand, "She thought you were dead. She lost her entire family, and you, and had to shoot one of her best friends to save her own life. I sure as fuck would have done everything in my power to get back to her as soon as I could."
"We don't have a lot of time-" Tobias begins.
"Do you even feel bad about it?" I ask, finding my voice for the first time during this tense exchange.
Angry brown eyes meet mine, but suddenly they soften, and I can see the sheen of unshed tears, "Of course I do. We may not have been together anymore, but I cared about you. I still do. I had no idea what kind of shape you were in, I only knew you were alive. You had Tori, Zeke, Lynn, hell even Shauna. I thought they'd take care of you until I could figure things out with Evelyn. You were always so strong, Tris, I just thought you'd be okay."
"I wasn't." I shudder, and Eric removes his hand from mine and puts his arm around me instead.
"I'm sorry, Tris. I know my coming here seems to only be for selfish reasons, but I do feel incredibly bad for hurting you. I don't want to hurt you anymore, and if you never wanted to see me again, I'd walk out that door and respect your wishes. Neither of you owe me a damn thing, but I do hope that you'd be willing to help me put an end to the atrocities in our city." Tobias says.
"If we do this reversal what happens? I don't feel safe in here." Eric says.
"I'll sign you out and take full responsibility for you."
"And if I don't want to help you once I have my memory back?" Eric presses.
Tobias glances at me, and I can see his eyes watching Eric's hand trace patterns on my shoulder, "I don't think you actually wanted to help Jeanine, but even if I did, I now think you have a reason to do the right thing."
"You're asking me to forget her, though." Eric retorts, "Not only that, you're asking me to leave her in here."
"Eric, she tried to kill herself, she needs treatment." Tobias argues.
He's not wrong, and I can tell Eric is torn.
"How much time do you have? Can Evelyn be distracted? Is there any way you can put her off?" I ask and Tobias's sad brown eyes meet mine.
"No. I wouldn't be here if I thought I had any other option. Evelyn is tired of not being recognized, she's power hungry, and she'll stop at nothing to take back what she believes is hers."
"How can she possibly think that Chicago is hers?" Eric asks.
"Because her people outnumber Dauntless, and at this point with the uncertainty left behind from the war, she is more organized and cohesive than we ever were. She's ready to strike." Tobias replies.
"Why should I care? We are in a whole different city here. We're safe." Eric scoffs.
"You think that you're safe? Evelyn knows exactly where the two of you are, she had me send Tris here myself, and she suspects that you're here too. If she gets a hold of either of you, it's done. She'll make sure to implant whatever memories in you that she wants," He pauses, turning to me, "and your divergence still poses a problem to her plans of full control. She'll eliminate you just like Jeanine had planned on doing."
"I'm not leaving her here."
Tobias scrubbed a hand across his face, then tugged at his short hair, a nervous tic I was familiar with when it came to him, "She needs the help-"
"I tried to kill myself because I blamed myself for everything!" I say without thinking, "You were going to choose Amity, we'd decided that together because you always told me you would never fit in with Dauntless. I watched them kill you in front of me, it was MY FAULT! I killed Will, and Christina hated me. My parents died because they were trying to protect ME! My brother died because he was trying to keep Jeanine from finding out what I am. I thought Uriah was going to die. When I came back to Dauntless, NO ONE talked to me, but they damn sure ALL talked about ME! They hated me, for living when everyone else died, and I hated me too." I sob.
"Tris…" Tobias trails off and moves towards me, and I scramble away from both and pace in the room.
"No, you don't get to touch me. I was raped and I disgusted you-"
"You never disgusted me. I hated what happened to you, hated that I couldn't have stopped it. You and I were so broken already, and then that happened, and my God Tris all I wanted to do was help you, but I was so messed up in what my mother had planned. I'm sorry, fuck I am fucking so sorry." Tobias pleads.
"Did I kill Al?" Eric asks suddenly, and I watch as Tobias's eyes widen and his jaw go slack.
"You remember?" He asks.
"I've already told you I can't remember shit. I had a dream in here, and somehow you were in it without me having met you. The dream still doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but it could be a memory of when you all wiped me. She needs to know if I killed him or not." Eric gestures at me.
"Eric, please-"
"You threw him into the chasm. I erased the footage myself." Tobias replies, cutting me off.
My stomach lurches, and I swallow thickly. It's what I have often suspected, and I wondered why Eric would have even cared. Just like I don't understand why he seemed to help cover my divergence.
"Why?" I ask and Tobias meets my eyes.
"That's something he'll need to answer when he has his memories back." He replies.
"You must have an opinion on the matter." Eric presses, surprising both of us.
"I'm not in any position to even pretend to know what goes on in your head. However, you were always interested in her, in what capacity I'm unsure." Tobias admits.
Eric seems to accept this answer, "If I agree to this Tris comes with me."
"You're not going to remember any of this once they reverse that serum. Eric, if she comes with us, she could end up getting hurt." Tobias replies.
"Four, this is the last time I am going to say any of this – if I take the serum and go back to Chicago, she comes with me. I will NOT leave her here when I know there is still a target on her back. This place doesn't have trained soldiers, Chicago does. Don't come back here until you've figured out how to make it happen." Eric says firmly.
This is the Eric I remember from Dauntless, the stubborn, bull-headed leader who barks orders and doesn't leave any room for argument. I watch as the two just stare at each other, another thing I remember from them in training. Only this time, Tobias has the upper hand.
"You're exceeding your rank." Tobias says evenly and I can feel the tension in Eric's body.
"In this situation, does rank even matter? You need me, whatever you think I have left in here," Eric gestures towards his head, "you think it's important enough to risk giving me my memories back when everyone else in this city was perfectly okay with leaving me here with nothing. The way I look at things, I don't need to do shit. You've shown your hand, we know there's a target on both of our backs, and I can get the fuck out of here and take her someplace that no one will ever fucking find us. Chicago doesn't give a fuck about her or me, and I don't know that you do either, so if you want me to trust you and do what you're ordering me to do, you damn sure better show me that you're in it for the right reasons. She comes with me, end of it."
"Has anyone thought to ask me what I want? I don't need either of you making decisions for me." Both men look at me, and neither seem to have expected me to speak, "I acknowledge what sent me here, and I'm dealing with my demons. Only I can decide if I'm ready to leave here, and Tobias is right, when you get your memories back you aren't going to remember any of this." I squeeze his hand.
"I'm keeping the journal for this very reason. I don't want you in here without protection, when they figure out I'm back in Chicago all hell is going to break loose."
"He's right about that." Tobias replies.
"I can't do this with you in here, Tris. I need you."
The beeping of the badge scanner lets us know that our visit is over, and Tobias looks at us wearily, "I'll be back."
"You know my terms." Eric replies as he and I leave the room.
