The trip home from the lake had been a blur, and it had been a whole ordeal to get Bella to leave his house once they got there. It had taken at least an hour to convince her it was all just an unfortunate accident, and his werewolf healing abilities had him back in tip top shape already.
The second she closed the door behind her, Jacob could finally collapse on his bed and let himself go. He didn't really want to die, but maybe it was the only solution. Jacob needed to make Edward happy. Would he be happy if Jacob was gone? He had saved him… so maybe he did want him to be fine… no, he was just too nice to let anything happen.
Jacob felt heavy on the bed, and his body was slightly shaking. Was he crying? He didn't even know. It was quiet and dark, but out of nowhere Jacob could sense a presence in the room. Instantly he could smell who it was, and his body tensed.
"What's wrong with you?!" Edward uttered from the window, his voice was in a low whisper, but his tone was sharp.
Jacob didn't really know what to answer. Was there really anything to say? There was no excuse, he hadn' been thinking. But he didn't feel like himself anymore, and he was tired of being a shell of a human. Tired of his mind fixating on something that could never be. What's even the fucking point of living like that?
"Shut up," Edward hissed, suddenly appearing right in front of where Jacob had sat up on the bed.
"You don't have to worry about it, it's not your problem," Jacob murmured, trying not to focus on how close Edward's body was to his. Even in a time like this he couldn't ignore it. He was so fucked up.
"I didn't mean…" Edward said, sounding drained, "What I said, I shouldn't have."
Jacob felt confused. Edward had made it pretty clear that he didn't want to see him–
"I talked to Bella," Edward responded. Oh… About… Shit, Jacob had really screwed up. He didn't want to cause any problems that would make Edward sad. Bella would be mad at him. Edward was probably fuming. Was that why he was there?
"Jacob," The hairs stood up in Jacob's neck at his name coming out of Edward's mouth. "I heard what she said… she doesn't know what she wants, and I respect that. Understand it even…"
Jacob was frozen. "I really didn't mean to fuck things up, I just can't control where my mind goes sometimes."
"When I heard what she said I felt a little relieved," Edward paused, and let his eyes wander across Jacob's face, sending shivers down Jacob's spine, "-and I think she was relieved too once I told her she didn't have to be with me…" Edward let his words hang in the air.
Relieved? Had they broken up? Jacob felt his heart aching, he just kept fucking up Edward's life more and more.
Edward stared down at Jacob sitting on the bed. The look in his eyes was unreadable. "I was petrified, you know, when I thought something might happen to you because of what I said… how I made you feel…"
Edward stood as still as a statue for a second, before he hesitantly reached his hand forward and tilted Jacob's chin up in a gentle swoop. Jacob's body tensed. Was Edward toying with him?
"I'm not… toying with you," Edward said under his breath, "I'm just…" His voice sounded almost as pained as his expression, he seemed conflicted. "I've always thought of these kinds of emotions as… defective…" Edward's gentle hand caressed Jacob's cheek, and Jacob closed his eyes for a second. "If it wasn't for this imprint you wouldn't have to be this way…"
"I… want to be this way-" Jacob reached up and grabbed Edward's hand on his face, "If I could have you."
Edward scoffed as Jacob stood up. Their faces were mere inches apart, and Jacob felt like invisible strings were pulling him in closer. It was like Edward had a gravitational pull on him.
Edward groaned. "I've never heard anyone who thinks like you do… even since we first met…" he said, "It's never been this hard to resist…"
Since they met?
"Then why resist?" Jacob felt a sudden pang of boldness come over him and he placed his hand on Edward's hip, pulling his body closer in a gentle movement. Edward hesitantly let him.
"I…" Edward sighed, seemingly uncertain of what to do next. It was unusual to see Edward with his guard down, but it made Jacob feel even more brazen, "You don't have to resist…" he whispered, sending hot air flowing across Edward's lips, "And you still owe me from the motorcy–"
Then Edward's lips clashed with his own, and Jacob's mind went blank. The kiss was hard and urgent, and unlike anything Jacob had ever felt before. His body was set ablaze, and his senses were in overdrive. How had the situation turned around so fast?
Edward's lips were moving together with his own like they were made for each other. The coolness gracing his face sent chills down Jacob's spine, and even though Edward was fumbling and unsure, the touch of his frigid hands making their way across Jacob's back had him splitting at the seams. Had he actually died?
Edward's hand shyly steadied at the small of Jacob's back, and the kiss deepened. Edward ran his tongue along Jacob's lips, and Jacob opened his mouth in response. Edward slid his tongue inside, brushing gently against Jacob's own until Jacob was nearly out of breath.
Then they abruptly broke apart. There was a sound. A howl. Jacob's body instantly turned to ice, and Edward's hands fell to his sides. Not now! This couldn't be happening.
Edward glanced over at Jacob, a look of panic on his face. In a split second he was gone, but it was probably too late. Jacob could hear his pack talking in the distance.
