8

Dressed in Edward's U-Dub t-shirt and my sleep pants, I drive to CVS in a daze. I'm not sure how I manage to get there, but when I do, I grab four different tests.

The cashier glances at me, quickly scanning me from head to toe, before pointing to the refrigerated beverage case. "Do you want some water to go with these?"

With the tests and an extra large bottle of water in hand, I practically run back to my car. The drive home seems to take twice as long, each red light longer than the last. When I finally reach our building, nervous excitement and dread churn in my belly.

This could change … everything.

I drop my keys twice before I manage to get the front door unlocked. When I finally stumble inside, I toss my purse and keys to the floor and rush to the bathroom, the crinkly plastic bag in hand.

The instructions, thankfully, are clear, even if my head isn't. And when I've peed on a stick from each box, I line them all on the vanity and wait.

Perched on the edge of the tub, I allow myself to imagine how different this would be if I weren't sitting here alone. How Edward would be holding my hand, how excited he would be. How he'd already have names picked out and three Zillow listings for me to look at.

It would have been perfect.

Only the frenzied flap of a bird's wings at the window snap me from my daydream.

I check the clock. Three minutes have never felt so long. When the chime of my phone's timer finally rings, I steel my resolve and lean forward, looking at the tiny window on each stick.

Positive.

Positive.

Positive.

Positive.

Tears of despair and joy stream down my cheeks. While I have no idea how I'm going to do this on my own, knowing I carry a little piece of my husband with me is enough to make my heart swell with happiness.

We spent months talking about starting a family. And when his promotion was all but promised, we decided to let fate decide.

"It looks like fate stepped in," I whisper, smiling through the bittersweet.

But this fate seems twisted. Almost cruel. First, she took him from me, and now she's given me a piece of him to hold onto.

It's not fair. None of this is. I should be sharing this moment with him. He should be beside me, holding my hand and kissing me stupid. Instead, I'm alone, nothing but my quiet agony to keep me company.

In a moment of weakness, I unlock my phone, my finger hovering over his name.

Countless texts remain unanswered, all of them sent in a desperate attempt to contact him … wherever he is. But this time I press call, waiting to hear his voice.

"You've reached Edward Masen. Leave a message."

"We … I'm …" A cleansing breath. "I miss you." Hand on belly. "We miss you."