Chapter 20
Lisa
The bathroom door closes, and I'm still standing there, looking at the white paint until my vision goes blurry. After I reassured her everything will be okay, she smiled and said she was going to take a shower. But I can't move. Hell, I can hardly breathe.
Jennie is pregnant with my baby.
I'm trying to let it sink in, but my defenses are up and I can't think past the fact she's been feeling sick and it's partly my fault. Or all my fault? I know it took both of us to create the baby, and it's not like Jennie wasn't willing. But…fuck. How could I let this happen?
I'm a doctor. I know how the body works. And yet I had sex three times with Jennie within twenty-four hours and only used a condom once. Though it's not like I brought any with me Friday night. I didn't expect to hook up with anyone, and when it finally happened with Jennie, I wasn't thinking straight.
Rufus tips his head, listening to Mr. And Mrs. Kim move around the kitchen. Knowing it's time for breakfast, he lazily pads out of Jennie's room. Suddenly, sweat breaks out along my forehead and my heart starts to race.
Jennie is pregnant.
I'm going to be a father.
And then it hits me all at once, so hard I have to sink down on Jennie's bed behind me. We're not married. We're not even a couple. Jennie made it pretty clear she doesn't want to be with me just because we're having a baby.
But it's not like I can just stop by after work and help her with the baby. And I don't want to not be with my own child. I want to be involved. I want to be there for everything. I want to feel the baby kicking. I want to set up the nursery. Cut the cord. Read to the kid as soon as he or she is born. Hold her. Cuddle her. Help Jennie with everything after birth and not have her worry because I'm there for her and for our baby.
I want us to be a family.
But Jennie is right, and we can't jump into a relationship just because she's pregnant. I've seen that happen with friends and it doesn't always pan out, and the last thing I want is resentment to grow between us.
I need to be practical and stop thinking about myself. Jennie is pregnant and suffering from symptoms already. Is it going to interfere with her work? And when the baby is born?
My head spins. I shift my eyes to the bathroom door. We have nine months to figure it out. Is that enough time to make Jennie fall in love with me? To be with me because it feels as good for her as it does for me?
It's not just us at stake now, and the bottom line is doing what's best for our child. No matter what.
"You're a quiet bunch," Mr. Kim comments. Jennie, Jinwoo, and I are sitting at the island counter eating breakfast. Jennie is picking at eggs and bacon, and I hope she's able to keep it down. "Suffering from too much fun last night?"
Jennie flicks her eyes to me and picks up a piece of bacon. "Something like that."
"What's the plan today, kids?" Mr. Kim pours another cup of coffee and sits at the table. "I take it you're joining us for church?"
"Probably not today," Jinwoo mumbles.
"If you want Father Daniels to marry you, you and Kara should start going to church," Mr. Kim tells Jinwoo, who nods in agreement.
"We'll start going next week."
"You said that over a month ago too."
"Fine. I'll text Kara. But she had friends over last night and is probably hung over." He picks up his phone and sends Kara a text. A few seconds later, he swears.
"I take it Kara's up and ready for church?" I ask with a laugh.
"Yes," he sighs. "I guess I better get ready."
"What about you, sweetheart?" Mr. Kim asks Jennie.
"Would you be upset if I stayed home? I don't feel all that well and want to go back to bed before hitting the road."
"You don't feel well?"
Jennie presses a smile. "I think stress from work is catching up with me."
Mr. Kim nods and tells Jennie to rest. He invites me to church as well, but won't pressure me to join. My family's not religious, and the Kims have never pressed. Like Jennie, I make up an excuse, and half an hour later, the house is empty.
Jennie went back to her room and closed the door. I pause outside of it and listen, not wanting to wake her up if she really did go back to sleep. Right as I'm about to knock, the door flies open. Jennie jumps back, startled.
"I was just going to find you."
"You found me," I say with a small smile. "We should talk."
"Yeah. We have a lot to talk about."
She's still in her pajamas and her eyes are red as if she's been crying. We move onto her bed.
"You're not going to be alone in this," I tell her, taking her hand in mine. "I want to be there for you. For our baby."
Jennie nods, biting her lip as she tries not to cry. A moment passes before she's able to talk. "I know, and I believe you, Lisa. But…how?"
"What do you mean?"
"We're hours apart. You work a lot, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it makes it harder to see each other because of the whole we live hours apart thing."
"I know," I say, tightening my hold on her hand. "Trust me, I've thought about it. I'm in the last year of my residency and will be getting a new job soon. There are lots of hospitals around Chicago."
"You'd move to Chicago for me?"
"Yes," I say with no hesitation. "Jennie, I mean it when I say I want to be involved. I've always wanted to get married and have kids. It's happening out of order and sooner than I thought, but this kid is mine too, and I want to be there."
Tears roll down Jennie's cheeks. "Sorry," she says, wiping them away. "I don't usually cry like this."
"It's understandable. Plus, hormones make you emotional."
"That's only one thing they make me." She raises her eyebrows and smiles. "At least I know why I've had the sex drive of a teenage boy lately. Is that too much information to tell you? Are we past that now?"
"I think so. And if you need help with your overactive sex drive, I'm more than willing to pitch in."
Jennie gives me a half smile. "Thanks. I'm already pregnant so…" Her eyes fall shut and she rests her hand on her stomach. "I'm going to have to tell my family. Eventually."
Tension builds between my shoulders. "I know. We'll tell them together."
"I want to get an ultrasound and stuff first. Just to be extra sure."
She's putting it off, but I'm okay with that. "Good idea."
"I'll call my OB tomorrow. I'm due for an annual anyway."
"I can come with you to your appointments," I say, and Jennie just nods. We both know that's not possible. I can't take an hour off work to meet her at the doctor's office. I'm too far away.
"What do we do now?" she asks, pulling her hand out of mine. She starts to braid her hair.
"I don't know," I admit. "What do you want to do?"
"I don't know either." She leans back on the pillows, dropping her braid over her shoulder. "I'm hungry again. And kind of nauseated at the same time. This is weird."
"Want me to bring you something?"
"I don't know what I want. I'll go look. You can…do whatever you want."
I want to help her. I want to be with her. And I don't know what else to do to make her believe me.
"Well," Jennie says, shifting her weight. She holds her hand up to her face to block the sun and steals a look at the house behind her. It's a little after noon and I need to leave to make it home on time. I'm on call again tonight and need to try and get some sleep just in case I'm called in. "I'll let you know when I get an appointment."
"Okay." I swallow hard, fighting the urge to grab her and kiss her. I want so fucking badly to tell her I love her, that I've loved her for years, and even though having a baby right now wasn't planned, it'll be okay because in the end, we were meant to be together.
But if I say all that now, she'll think I'm only saying it to make her feel better. She'll think I'm making it up or overexaggerating how I feel in an attempt to show her I really do want this baby.
So I'll wait.
We have nine months.
"And if you need anything, call me. I'm here, Jennie. Even when I'm not."
Her eyes well with tears and she shakes her head, annoyed with herself for getting emotional.
"I know," she says softly and puts her hand over her stomach. "It's still weird to think about."
"Yeah, it is." I step closer and put my hand on top of hers. "We're going to be okay. All three of us."
Her lips curve into a small smile. "Better hope it's not four."
I laugh. "Or—nope. Not even going to say it." She flips her hand over and I lace my fingers through hers. We're in the driveway, right outside the garage, and out of direct line of sight from the house. She puts one hand on my shoulder, fingers pressing into my skin. Her jaw is tight, and she looks right into my eyes. I bend my head down to kiss her, and she looks away.
"Lisa," she says softly. "You don't have to pretend to want me."
Her words spur something inside of me, and no amount of self-control can hold me back. I pull my hand from hers, move in, and grab her by the waist. Dipping her back, I kiss her as hard as I did the first time.
"I'm not pretending," I growl, saying each word slowly and deliberately. "I don't pretend, Jennie."
She clings to me, eyes wide and lips parted. "Kiss me again."
I hold her tight and push my tongue into her mouth, knowing this is a dangerous line to cross. Once I get started, it's going to be hard to stop.
"Lisa," she moans, running her hand over my shoulder. I gather my strength and stop kissing her. "This is not helping my issue."
"What issue?"
"You know, the one I told you about."
"Oh, right. Sex drive."
"Yeah." She licks her lips and puts her other hand on my hip, slowly looping her fingers around my belt. "I am so horny," she grumbles, looking at me like she wants to devour me. If only she knew how I felt.
"Do you want me to have sex with you?"
"Seriously? Where is the romance?" She shakes her head but hasn't let go of me yet.
"Well, do you?"
"No," she says, pushing away. "I don't." She crosses her arms and looks me up and down. "Wait, yes, I do. No. No, I don't."
I give her a cheeky grin and I'm pretty sure she wants to slap it off my face. And then maybe slap my ass.
"Is that your final answer?"
She bites her lip then lets out a breath. "Maybe."
"Do you need me to remind you how good we are at sex?"
"I remember. That's part of what's making this so hard for me."
"It's hard for me too," I tease, and Jennie's gaze goes right to my cock. I move away from my Jeep and grab Jennie around the middle, picking her up and pinning her between the driver's side door and my body. Her arms fasten around my neck and lust surges through me.
She tips her head up and kisses me first, arching her back and pushing her hips into mine. I take my mouth off hers and kiss her neck, trailing my way down over her collarbone. I slip my hand under her t-shirt.
"I wish you didn't have to leave," she moans.
"I can spare thirty minutes."
"Okay." She takes my hand to lead me back in. "Wait. This is my parents' house."
"Shit. Right. Do you think we can sneak in unnoticed?"
"Have you met the dogs?"
I run my hands down her arms and interlock my fingers with hers. "Are you above having sex in the barn?" Her blank stare tells me she is.
She lets out a ragged breath. "What are we doing, Lisa?"
"Acting like horny teenagers. That's how you described your sex drive, isn't it?"
Pursing her lips, she rolls her eyes. "Yes, those were my words. Thank you for reminding me how ridiculous I'm being."
"It's not ridiculous, Jennie," I say softly. "You can't deny we're good in bed together."
"Being good in bed together is the whole problem," she replies, making things tense again. "And we…we have bigger things to worry about." She rests her head against my chest, and being able to hold her and comfort her is almost better than making love to her. Almost.
My heart lurches in my chest, and I hold Jennie tight against me. Of all the things we talked about earlier, all the life-altering changes coming our way, none of it made me as nervous as I feel now. I inhale, ready to just spit it all out and tell her I think we should really give us a shot.
And then the garage door opens, and Jennie and I jump apart. Jennie crosses her arms, angling her body away from mine.
Mrs. Kim has all four dogs on leashes and struggles to hold them back when they try to go to Jennie. She hurries over, taking Rufus from her mom, saying something to her that I can't hear over the panting of the dogs.
My heart is in my throat. I don't want to leave without giving Jennie a kiss goodbye, but I don't see what other choice I have. Mr. Kim comes out of the house and takes Rufus from Jennie.
"Drive safe, Lisa," he says and heads down the driveway. Mrs. Kim and the other three dogs follow, leaving Jennie and I alone. I wait until they're down by the street to turn back to Jennie, cocky grin on my face.
"So, you want to have sex now?"
Jennie's nostrils flare and she crosses her arms, eyes drilling into mine. Then she slowly looks me up and down.
"Meet me upstairs."
She doesn't have to tell me twice.
