Chapter 3: unfair

"Focusing on how your own chi moves through your body can help you understand the flow of someone else's chi."

The girls sat around me in a circle of quiet, well almost quiet, meditation. I half expected Katara to attend today's lesson, but she hadn't shown up. If she wasn't training with Aang, and she wasn't attending a healing lesson, then what was she doing? The list of activities in the North Pole that didn't overlap with chores was pretty slim, especially during the winter. Compared to the places the Avatar had been, my home was probably the most boring. My meditation focus slipped as once again, I wondered how the perfume at the abbey smelled and what a warm breeze in the Fire Nation felt like.

Come on Kailani, I chided myself. You're supposed to be teaching about meditation and focusing chi. So focus.

Some of the girls were whispering to each other, punctuated by the occasional giggle.

"If any of you want to step foot in the infirmary for healing practicals next week, you all better stay quiet during meditation," I peeked through one eye and scanned the room. Miraculously, they had returned to proper lotus form. It was now so silent, you could hear water dripping from the ceiling.

Of course, until someone shuffled loudly by the door.

"Mara, I swear to La-"

"Kailani!"

Yugoda's urgent voice had all of us leaping up from the floor and whipping around to face her. She leaned against the wall to catch her breath before continuing.

"You've got to come to the palace courtyard. It's Katara. She's challenged Master Pakku."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. What was Katara thinking, challenging a waterbending master when she was a novice herself?

"Class dismissed!" I shouted as I ran out of the building, following Yugoda who, surprisingly, could still jog at a good pace in her old age. My students would most likely be following us, but as of right now, they weren't my responsibility.

Shouting voices, one that I recognized as Katara's, could be heard before either she or Pakku came into sight.

"Someone needs to slap some sense into that guy! So, you decided to show up?" We rounded the corner in time to see Pakku walk past Katara without so much as glancing her way. "Aren't you going to fight?"

"Go back to the healing huts with the other women where you belong," he smirked. Ugh! He was so infuriating! I wanted to slap him upside the head just as much as Katara, but she beat me to it. A perfect water whip arced through the air and landed a hit on the back of his balding head. He turned around and addressed her properly this time. "Fine. You want to learn to fight so bad? Watch closely!"

Pakku started on the offensive, sending two combined streams straight at Katara, who was running at him. Somehow, she managed to land on her feet. But before she could stand, Pakku had already encircled them in water, slowly decreasing the area. I could hardly breathe as the circle got smaller and smaller. Katara needed to act, and fast. In an impressive display, she sent the water away from her, but closer to all of us. I stepped back, my arms out to make sure the girls that had joined us wouldn't get hit. Luckily, Sokka received the brunt of the impact.

I looked back in time to see Katara sailing over Pakku's head and landing on a pillar. Once again, he sent a large stream with the intention to knock her over. She anchored her feet in the ice and split the water in two, effectively deflecting.

"You can't knock me down!"

"Woo!" I heard myself shout before realizing that might not be a good idea, considering Chief Arnook was only feet away and could hear me. But I wasn't the only one showing my support. The girls were yelling as well, along with Aang. Katara might not be winning, but she was definitely holding her own. One of the sharp ice discs nearly took off his nose. Even Pakku knew he was facing a formidable opponent, if his face was any indication.

The back and forth continued, with Katara landing hits here and there. Unfortunately, it ended with her trapped in a prison of ice shards.

"This fight is over," Pakku declared, though Katara was still struggling to continue. I turned to my students, and told them they had better get home before their parents saw them spectating a fight. Katara may have lost, but I could hardly believe how well she had done. She could almost have her own students.

She could teach me. The thought hit me like an avalanche. Katara could teach me waterbending! If, of course, I didn't live here.

But you could travel with them, I reasoned with myself. You escape an arranged marriage while getting to learn how to fight and seeing the world. What could possibly go wrong?


The next two weeks, I was the perfect daughter. Helping to cook every meal, offering to babysit my niece so Miki could have a break, and not even daring to practice waterbending. My sister had a point the other night: if I wanted to attract a suitor, I needed to get my attitude in check. I think I was doing a pretty good job of it too.

Until the news started to spread. Apparently, Master Pakku had began training Avatar Aang as well as Katara, on account of her relation to an old friend of his. I was beside myself for an entire healing lesson, biting the heads off of a couple students that weren't focusing like I thought they should.

It's fine, I reminded myself afterwards. Just keep this up a little longer and it'll pay off.

My plan, which I made up on a daily basis, was slowly reaching a stand still. Now that they were both training, Aang and Katara were pretty difficult to get a conversation with. Unless, of course, they were invited to a party. My party. My engagement party. I could make it that far in the process. Then, once I could talk to one of them alone, I'd ask the question that the rest of my destiny depended on.

Can I join your group to travel the world and learn waterbending?


The fabric of my dress was exceptionally itchy compared to any of the other dresses I'd ever worn. Ever. Though I supposed that had more to do with my state of mind and the fact that I would have rather thrown myself from the top of the royal palace than attend my third meeting with Toahk. Toahk was the number one suitor. Assuming that things continued, our engagement would be announced on the night of my birthday. Hopefully by then, I would have a more solid plan in mind for how I could avoid the actual marriage.

Mom and Dad seem pleased and thoroughly convinced that I had come around to the idea of getting married and living that rest of my life as an obedient housewife and healer. Mikki, however, was still skeptical about my true intentions.

"You seem to have had a complete change of heart," she mentioned one night when we had all gotten together for dinner. I was rolling a ball on the ground with Rivka.

"I just thought it was time to grow up," I replied simply. Miki liked to fish for reactions and information. She wouldn't be catching this sucker anytime soon.

"Hm, that's rather mature of you. Did you hear about that girl from our sister tribe? Master Pakku has decided to train her along with the Avatar. What do you make of that?"

She was good, I'll give her that. But I was just as determined.

"Master Pakku has every right to teach whomever he chooses. I've heard things as well, such as how she's progressing. Better than some of his advanced students, if I recall correctly."

The conversation turned to other things, like the war and the how well the fishermen were faring lately. Truthfully, I did feel jealous of Katara getting to train. But at least someone was learning how to properly waterbend. And if my plan worked, then she would be an even better teacher to study with. Miki wouldn't be convinced until the day of my wedding, I'm sure. But hopefully, I didn't have to pretend for long.

"Kailani, how nice it is to see you again. I presume you've been well since I saw you last?"

Toahk's mother smiled gently from across the table, her eyes reflecting the moonlight streaming from the open ceiling. I tried to compose myself and act as if I hadn't been spacing out for the past thirty minutes.

"Yes, thank you Lady Rowa. And yourself?"

Polite conversation wasn't my most refined talent, but I could manage. It mostly consisted of useless pleasantries. Why yes, I did hear about your cousin's engagement. Pass on my congratulations, would you?

The food distracted me from most of the night, though it wasn't nearly as tasty as the food at Yue's birthday dinner. Our fathers spoke of politics and war details, something far more interesting than day to day life at the moment. Toahk listened with rapt attention, interjecting every once and a while. My mother fed me topics we practiced the night before, like how pleased we were to have the Avatar stay for such a long time. How hopeful we were that the war should end soon, as to not spoil our engagement. I just hoped everything sounded the way it did in my head: polite and ladylike.

After dinner, while sipping tea and delving into more gossip, Toahk stood and asked to excuse us both for a walk. My father nodded happily, as his own clapped him on the back heartily.

"Miss Kailani?" his proffered hand hung between us, waiting for me to take it. And so I did.

It wasn't quite a full moon, but close. I could feel an excess of energy tingle in my hands, my chest. We walked slowly along the empty streets. Most people were settled into there homes with their families, probably chatting about their days. Here I was, walking with who would most likely be my fiance. I couldn't fake a smile right now. Not after all the energy I'd spent towards keeping up a good facade the last few weeks.

"The moonlight is beautiful, don't you think?" It was so quiet among the snow and ice, I nearly jumped.

"Oh, yes, very beautiful," I agreed. We stopped in the middle of a bridge spanning the canal. All the gondolas were docked for the night.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah I guess."

"Do you actually want to marry me?"

It got even quieter, if that were possible. So quiet, I bet you could hear snowflakes hit the ground. Wind chilled my cheeks as I tried to form a response quickly. How was I supposed to make this sound the least bit convincing?

"It's okay, you know. I kind of figured," Toahk shrugged, turning out to face the city wall. "After you attacked me and all."

I'm sorry, what?

"Pardon?" I whispered. What on earth was he talking about? I hadn't attacked anyone since...

"You don't remember? I had to go to the healing hut for days to get my nose fixed. Got quite the right hook, if you don't mind me saying."

Oh, I thought slowly. Now I remember.

"You were one of those boys that teased me a few years ago. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I was grounded for like a month. Possibly longer," I tried not to recall all of the details of that day, or the period following it.

"I should be apologizing. We shouldn't have been making fun of you so much. You just wanted to learn how to waterbend. What I wouldn't give to be able to do that."

"Yeah, you and me both," I sighed leaning against the railing. We stood like that for a while, just listening to the far sound of waves beating against the ice walls bordering our home. He knew I didn't really want to marry him. I guess it doesn't matter how good of a daughter you are. You can't fake love.

"So what's your plan?"

Once again, I was caught off guard by his question.

"What do you mean?" I bluffed. That only earned me a laugh and an eye roll.

"Oh come on, Kailani," he shot me some side eye and began to explain. "There's no way the girl that broke my nose for teasing her is going to give up without a fight. Are you really going to marry me?"

Perhaps he was fishing for information like Miki did earlier. Or maybe he genuinely had known from the very beginning that I had no intention of seeing this engagement to the end. Either way, it didn't really matter. He already knew my feelings weren't true. Might as well humor him.

"You're right," I sighed. "I don't want to marry you. No offense. I don't want to marry anybody right now. Am I'm a little sour about the whole 'women can't waterbend to fight' thing." Katara and Master Pakku popped into my mind again, making me even more bitter.

"So where do I fit into all of this?"

"Well, you see, I had this idea," just thinking of it made me start to laugh. "I know it sounds crazy, but I thought if I could play along with this engagement long enough, I could ask the Avatar if he would let me travel with them. And maybe learn waterbending on the way. Stupid, I know."

Once again, silence stretched between us until I started to worry about the safety of confiding in Toahk. He was in this for selfish reasons too. If he knew I might renege in the long run, he could drop out of the courtship process entirely. And then I'd be back at square one.

Just as I was about to take it all back, say I was merely joking and that of course I wanted to marry him, he spoke.

"Okay then, I'll do it."

"Do what?"

"Propose to you."

Before I could half register what he said, Toahk reached into an inner pocket of his parka and produced a necklace bearing a carved pendant. In the moonlight, it almost glowed a blue-white. I could tell he had spent a lot of time on it, the way the etched lines smoothly cut through the stone. I couldn't help but feel sad that it had been created for someone who didn't want it.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked breathlessly as Toahk stepped behind me to fasten the necklace. It made no sense. He should be saving this moment for someone else entirely. His hand slightly brushed the skin on my neck, causing goosebumps to spring over my arms.

"I have this delusion about marrying for love, not political gain or to make our parents happy. If you want to marry me, it should be your choice."

I'd thought for the longest time that no one else felt that way except me. And yet, here Toahk stood, agreeing to help me with my half thought out plan. My fingers twitched with nervous energy, multiplied by the night.

"Thank you," I smiled. This time, I really meant it.

"Don't thank me until after we get you traveling with the Avatar. Speaking of which, how exactly are you going to make that happen?"

That was the one flaw I hadn't figured out. How was I supposed to get close enough to any of them again to ask? My family wouldn't dare allow me anywhere near the training grounds. And Sokka was nowhere to be found most days.

"I don't know," I sighed, feeling my adrenaline start to ebb. Perhaps this would all be in vain.

"Then leave that to me. I'll think of something."

And with that, we headed back to the dining hall, hand in hand.