Chapter 4: patriarchy
We couldn't announce the engagement until my birthday, when I would officially be of marrying age. But it was pretty much a done deal. My mother had practically swooned when she saw the necklace Toahk carved.
"How impressive!" my father congratulated him. "Much better than what I made," he whispered once my mother was out of earshot. News spread quickly about the unofficial engagement between the councilmen and their wives. I had people congratulating me anytime I walked about the city. I smiled and laughed and agreed that yes, what a wonderful time it was, that the Avatar was here and might be able to attend the wedding.
Yugoda's well wishes were the only ones I really appreciated because I knew they were the most sincere. She had wrapped me in a surprisingly strong hug and told me how proud she was of the woman I was becoming, and that I could continue teaching classes as long as I liked. I almost blabbed to her. If everything went the way Toahk and I were planning, I wouldn't be teaching classes anymore, not at all. I wouldn't even be seeing Yugoda for who knows how long. The tears in my eyes as I left the hut were the most bittersweet I think I had ever cried.
"How're things on the home front?"
Toahk gently placed my hand at the crook of his arm as we left my house one mid-morning. The sun was making its way towards the middle of the sky and everything glittered under its rays. Sometimes, it was almost blinding. Today was my long dreaded birthday. However, it wasn't as bad as I had originally thought it would be.
"They're alright; Miki still thinks I've gone crazy, but she's manageable. What about you?"
We leaned our heads together, trying to look like two love-birds. I had never been so close to a guy. The proximity made my stomach uneasy and my face feel hot.
A few of the older kids, some of which were in my healing classes, waved to us on our way through town. It looked like they were taking advantage of my temporary leave.
"It's all good. My family can't get over the fact that I'm getting married...well, sort of," he half grinned as we continued. A gondola without passengers slowly meandered down the waterway. Every once in a while, I felt extremely guilty about taking advantage of Toahk. Now was one of those times.
"I'm sorry about all this. You should be taking a walk with your future wife, not some fake fiancée."
Toahk pulled me to a stop near the Palace.
"You think I chose this?"
The sudden seriousness in his voice startled me. I hadn't meant to upset him, but the humorous expression he usually carried disappeared completely.
"I don't understand."
"I didn't choose you."
Oh. Ouch.
"No offense, I just don't really know you. Aside from the fact that you can punch pretty well when you need to," he snorted, which made me feel a little better. "Contrary to what you might think, my parents have just as much of an influence on who I marry as yours do. 'She's a councilman's daughter' my father must have said that a million times. It drives me crazy."
I guess I had never really thought about it that way. In my mind, men in my tribe got to do whatever they wanted for the most part. At least, that's how it always seemed.
"Well, I still hate that you've been stuck with me. Hopefully, I won't be your problem much longer."
Toahk chortled as we began walking down the snow lined street again.
"Oh please, don't tell me I hurt your feelings. It's nothing personal. In fact, it's the exact opposite. I can't marry someone I hardly know. It's not like I think your an ugly sea slug. I really don't know you," he pleaded.
He had a point.
"You can blame our tribe's stupid traditions for all of that," I muttered. He was right, we both were getting the short end of the stick. But at least I had a plan to get out of all of this. He would be stuck here, on the search for another bride when I left. I kept mulling this over as we walked around a large fountain. It had been selfish of me to think that only women were suffering from our sexist customs. I'm sure not every man wanted to be responsible for hunting and fighting to provide for and defend their people.
We were nearing the training grounds, a place I hadn't been in what felt like forever. After badgering anyone and everyone to teach me from the time I was six and onward, I'd practically been banned.
"What are we doing here?" I finally asked as we sat on an ice slab to watch the students spar together.
"Getting you passage out of here."
We sat in silence as the sun reached its peak. Katara had bested everyone of her opponents, with only the Avatar left for her to face. Toahk seemed just as enamored with the fancy moves as I did. A small twinge in my heart reminded me that he must want to waterbend as bad as I did, possibly more. Some part of me wished I liked him. Well, like-liked him. He was a lot different than I had expected when we first met to begin the courting process. I had imagined an arrogant, brown-nosing snot, with ambitions of marrying me for the benefits my father could offer. But we were in the same canoe. And he wasn't too bad looking either. My parents wouldn't have stood for an unsightly son-in-law.
Toahk reached to brush off a fresh snowflake that had fallen on my nose. It was a sweet, almost intimate gesture. I felt my cheeks heat up in a blush. His face, however, twisted in confusion.
"What the..." the melting flake stained his gloves a gray-black color. All around us, more dark specks began to fall, littering the ground. Everyone had their faces lifted to the sky with the same look of confusion I felt.
"We've gotta go."
I hadn't anytime to protest or ask questions because Toahk had grabbed my hand and begun dragging me back the way we came, towards the palace. Cold air made my lungs ache as I tried to keep up with his longer strides. And it wasn't just us. Warriors scurried to the safety that the palace provided, hoping to receive orders or at the very least, information.
The room, though large enough to accommodate meetings and gatherings of all sorts, began to fill with more and more people. We sat close to the middle, among a row of families. I realized my hand was still grasped firmly in Toahk's and that it should probably stay that way. Before I could think too much about it, Chief Arnook emerged and addressed the crowd.
"The day we have feared for so long has arrived. The Fire Nation is on our doorstep."
Several whispers broke out around us, but they quickly silenced as he continued. I don't know why I thought the Fire Nation couldn't reach us here, this far north. But here they were.
"I call my family before me, knowing well that some of these faces are about to vanish from our tribe, but they will never vanish from our hearts. Now, as we approach the battle for our existence, I call upon the great spirits. Spirit of the Ocean! Spirit of the Moon; be with us! I'm going to need volunteers for a dangerous mission."
The hair all over my body stood on end as a chill passed down my spine. Something about calling on the spirits shifted the energy in the room. In my trance, I barely registered Toahk beginning to stand from his spot beside me to offer his service. I clutched his hand tighter in mine and yanked him back down.
"What are you doing?" I hissed through clenched teeth, hoping no one noticed, but knowing someone did. Toahk blinked at me like I had bit him.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm volunteering for the mission!"
It didn't matter that we weren't getting married for real or that we had only known each other for a few weeks. I couldn't let him do this.
"Didn't you hear what Chief Arnook said? It's a dangerous mission. Who knows what could happen to you? Fake or not, I'm still your fiancée, and I'm asking you not to do this."
"You know, it actually sounds like you care about me. That's nice and all, but you don't make my decisions."
And with that, he wriggled his hand out from mine, pressed a chaste kiss to my frozen lips, and walked toward the front of the room where the other men were gathered. I opened my mouth to call after him, but couldn't make a sound. I knew my cheeks were pink from the unexpected display of affection. Too much was happening at once. The Avatar was merely feet away. Toahk had kissed me. We were going to war.
As everyone rose from their spots on the floor, I remained, wondering what to do next.
"You shouldn't be putting yourself in danger like this."
"It's my job." It was me versus my family. Well, my mother, with Miki at her side and Rivka trying to find anything in my room to play with. I had chosen to gather a backpack and camp out at the infirmary to prepare for the injured soldiers that would soon be pouring in. Apparently, they had an issue with that.
"Yugoda and the rest of the healers can manage just fine. You've never even assisted with victims of an attack. What would Toahk think?"
They were pulling out every excuse they had, every reason that I should stay home and hunker down with the rest. But I wasn't hearing it.
"First of all, Toahk thinks that what I'm doing is a great idea. Second and third, we've never endured an attack like this, and Yugoda isn't exactly the spry young arctic hen you imagine her as. That is exactly why I'm needed. I'm probably the most experienced underage healer we have at the moment, and I will not sit by when the people of my tribe need me."
Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, it occurred to me that I was no longer an underage healer, as of today. But the thoughts pressing into the front of my mind were more important. I had to be ready to keep a calm demeanor in the face of fatal injuries. My stomach flopped at the thought, and possibly, at the lingering feeling of Toahk's lips against my skin.
I wasn't lost on the hypocrisy of this situation compared to the one I'd had with Toahk at the earlier meeting. Rivka let out a peal of laughter while looking at herself in the mirror, one of my whalebone necklaces draped around her neck. My mother looked at me like I had grown two heads. My sister looked at me like she wanted to rip both of those heads off. I had lived my whole life abiding by their rules, but I drew the line at not getting to heal. I wasn't backing down from this, no matter what they said. I grabbed a few items that might come in handy over the next 48 hours: some seal jerky for energy, a whalebone knife for protection, my warmest parka, and thickest gloves for when I wasn't having to heal anyone. Rivka began tugging on the hem of my dress, wanting me to pick her up. As I reached down, Miki snatched her up and passed her to our mother.I used that moment to push past them.
"The last thing my daughter needs is someone influencing her with ridiculous notions about being a waterbender. This family can't handle any more embarrassment."
"Don't worry, I'll be sure to remember that the next time you're bleeding out during labor."
I didn't see the slap coming from my mother, but I sure felt it. Blood pooled in my cheek almost instantly. All three of us stared at each other for a second to register what had just been said and done. I couldn't return to this house. I wouldn't. With the turn of my heel, I walked out and headed to the healing tent.
