#Ashlander
Everyone noticed a difference that Monday morning when Ashley returned from the Las Vegas pharmaceutical expo. A-Train thought she'd gotten hold of some really choice drugs, the Deep thought she'd gotten some rest, Starlight and Black Noir didn't express an opinion, and Queen Maeve opined that she must have gotten laid in fine style. "No way is she going to look that relaxed and happy unless she just finished having a solid weekend of orgasms."
"She's not really interested in sex," the Deep told her.
Maeve snorted at him. "Just because she wouldn't let you stick it in doesn't mean she doesn't like having it stuck in."
"I agree with Maeve," A-Train said. "She said something to me once about what she did while she was in Europe, and…I just agree with her."
Starlight spoke up. "Where's Homelander? If you want to know for sure, have him go ask her. He can tell if she's lying to him."
Everyone else, except Black Noir, looked at her as if she were crazy. "There's no way we're bothering Homelander about something as insignificant as this."
"It's not that insignificant if we're talking about it, is it? Besides, do we even know if he's in the Tower? I haven't seen him all weekend."
"Thank God for small favors," said Maeve. "He's probably out at his cabin. Let's hope he stays there."
"But how often does it happen that he makes himself scarce for this long? No, something's going on." Starlight stood up from the sofa. "I'm going to go find out what it is."
"Good luck to you," said Maeve, not taking her eyes off the television screen. A-Train was gone suddenly, and the Deep just gave her a worried look as he left for his apartment. Black Noir, as usual, said nothing.
"You'll thank me when I can tell you what's going on," she said. Maeve didn't bother responding, so Starlight headed for Ashley's office. Her motives were twofold; Ashley might know where Homelander was, if she'd sent him somewhere to handle crime, and if Starlight saw the CEO in person, she might have a clue as to why she seemed different.
Really, why was she even interested? She didn't give a shit about Ashley or Homelander, except for how they could hurt Hughie, hurt Butcher and the cause, but there hadn't been much in the way of street crime to fight and she thought she might just be bored. Either way, it was something to focus on other than the television.
Starlight knocked on Ashley's office door and was rewarded with Homelander yelling, "Get the hell out of here!" A blast of adrenalin shot through her veins. What if he was hurting her? What if he'd killed her? It might be just the thing that Butcher could use against him to destroy him. Then she and Hughie would be free. If Butcher lets either of you go, a cold, intelligent little voice in the back of her mind told her. She ignored it, the way she always did—she had never liked that voice.
With very little exertion of her strength, Starlight wrenched the door open and stepped inside the office. Her mouth dropped open at what she saw.
Ashley was bent forward over her desk on her stomach, her cheek pressed against the desktop, the skirt of her suit hiked up around her waist, and Homelander stood between her spread legs, still in costume, frozen in mid-thrust as he looked up, eyes glowing red to assess the situation. "Get out of here or I'll cut you in two!" he shouted.
The sight of Homelander inside Ashley turned her cold. He was raping her, he had to be raping her because no way would she let him fuck her, they hated each other, and her own eyes began glowing in preparation for an attack. She would do for the CEO what no one had done for her.
Ashley's head came up, her red hair falling away from her face, and she looked panicked. "No! No, Starlight, it's fine! Homelander, it's okay!" She extended her hand behind her to touch him, and it landed on his stomach and applied a few pats. "Everyone, everything is fine!"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Starlight stayed ready for Homelander's attack. Could she move fast enough to try to knock him off Ashley so she could run? Could she survive a full-strength attack from Homelander?
"Just what I said," Ashley gasped. Homelander's hands gripped her hips, and he still glared at Starlight with his burning eyes. "I'm okay. Everything's all right."
"The hell you are!" Starlight could do her share of shouting too. "He's in the middle of raping you!" Belatedly she wondered if this wasn't Ashley trying to save her, an act of kindness to get her out of the room before Homelander could hurt her or kill her.
He was so surprised the laser vision died away. "I am not raping Ashley. I would never do that to her."
"Then what—"
Ashley cut both of them off. "Okay, Starlight, I need you to get out of here now. Go to your apartment and—" Homelander must have made some movement as her eyes clamped shut and she let out a groan of pure sexual pleasure that Starlight would have bet money that she wouldn't be able to make. "Stop that! I'm trying to talk!"
"Talk fast," he told her. "I'm almost done with waiting."
"Starlight, just get out of here for now and I'll explain everything in a little while. Trust me, please?" Her face and voice pleaded for compliance.
The blonde let out a sigh of irritation. "Fine, Ashley. I'll go wait for you in the television room. But you need to have an explanation for this."
"She does," said Homelander before Starlight closed the door behind her, but not quickly enough to avoid hearing him let out his own groan of pleasure. For a few seconds she hovered outside the office, unsure whether she should do what she'd been asked, but eventually decided it was the best thing to do.
Queen Maeve glanced up from the television when Starlight returned and noticed something off. "Did you talk to Ashley?"
"Uh—yes. Yes, I did. While she was getting fucked by Homelander on top of her desk."
Black Noir's head perked up, and she thought she'd managed to surprise him. Maeve's eyes widened. "Did you say he was fucking Ashley?" Starlight nodded. "Ashley Barrett, the CEO of Vought?"
"Yes, not Also Ashley."
"That would shock me less." Maeve got off the couch and looked toward the door. "Was she…all right?"
A sigh escaped her as she sank down onto the couch. "I don't know. She didn't seem hurt. She said everything was okay and to wait for her and she'd explain everything."
"Can't wait to hear what she has to say," said Maeve.
"Same here," said A-Train. Both women glanced up, startled. They hadn't noticed him entering the room.
After that there was nothing to do but wait. Starlight chewed her fingernails and Maeve stared at the television with unseeing eyes. A-Train sat in an armchair with his legs stretched out, watching the door. Black Noir sat in another armchair, motionless and silent. It took another half-hour for Ashley to appear in the doorway, looking nervous. Homelander was right behind her. He looked watchful, with an undertone of irritation.
"Oh, Starlight." Ashley put a hand to her blouse, straightened it. "I didn't think anyone else would be here."
"Are you hurt?" asked Maeve.
"I—"
"Yeah, she told us what she saw. Did you hurt her, Homelander? Even for you, this is low."
"I did nothing she didn't want me to do, Maeve. Just because you don't like the deep-dicking anymore doesn't mean—"
"Relax, please. Everyone, please!" Ashley's voice shook a little. "If everybody can just quiet down, I'll explain what's going on."
"We'd appreciate that," A-Train told her. He was the only one who seemed calm, except for Black Noir.
She ran her tongue over her lips. "Well, we—Homelander and I—we…sort of got married in Las Vegas this weekend?"
"Was that a question? Because I don't know," said Maeve. "Did you get married in Las Vegas this weekend?"
"And there's no such thing as 'sort of' married," Starlight added. Then what she'd said sank in. "Wait a minute, you two are married now?"
"That's what I just told you." Ashley started to look irritated. "We did get married this weekend, so we…just got a little carried away in my office. I'm sorry we worried you, Starlight."
"How drunk were you?" Maeve asked. "I mean you, Ashley, because we all know both of you couldn't have been drunk since Homelander here is a teetotaler."
"Are you saying she'd have to be drunk to marry me?" Homelander looked irritated, but not as much as Starlight had come to expect from him.
She laughed. "Any woman would have to be."
"Then we should have been married a thousand times with how much liquor you suck down. But I never asked you, did I?"
"Everybody? Everybody? Let's all try to keep things civil here. I wasn't drunk. It's just that—"
"Where's your ring?" The sound of A-Train's voice startled them. "You aren't wearing any ring. Didn't he give you one?"
"Oh! Oh, yes." She took hold of a thin gold chain around her neck and pulled it out of her blouse. A carved gold band and a ring with a large diamond solitaire were strung on it. "We didn't plan on making an announcement this soon, and I wanted to keep them near me, so…" Her voice trailed off.
"That's all spilled milk," Starlight said. "Everybody in Las Vegas who saw you must know that you and Homelander were in Las Vegas together and got married."
"No, that's the beauty part of it! There was a comic-book convention in town at the same time as the expo, and everyone just thought he was cosplaying Homelander. Nobody knew."
"That one shit said my eyes were too close together." Homelander's jaw clenched. "I wish I'd lasered him in two."
"He was an asshole. Don't worry about it anymore." She stroked his arm and he calmed down a little. Everybody stared.
A-Train cleared his throat. "So, why did you guys decide to get married? If Ashley wasn't drunk, that is."
"I wanted to," said Homelander. They waited for him to continue but nothing else came out.
Ashley took up the story. "Well, I don't think any of you noticed, but we—Homelander and I—had been having…well, sort of an affair…for quite a while. A year?"
"Sixteen months," he told her.
"Right. We were off-and-on for a few months. Just a booty call thing, I thought, but I figured it was more than I had any right to expect. Then things started getting…more intense." She shot a look in his direction and he gave her a smile that excluded everyone else in the room and raised the temperature several degrees. She swallowed and said, "Yes, more intense. Both of us were tired of sneaking around—it gets boring after a while, no matter how exciting it is at first. We had some things to work out—"
"Our hashtag," said Homelander.
"Excuse me. Your what?" asked Starlight. Was she dreaming? Had she gone insane?
"We don't have a good couple hashtag," Ashley explained. "I mean, you had #homelight. Maeve had #homaeve. Homelander and I don't have a lot of options."
"I wanted to be listed first," he said.
"What a surprise," Maeve replied. "I wanted to use #queenlander, but he wouldn't hear of it."
"Stan Edgar didn't like it either. It wasn't all me."
"Everybody?" Ashley said.
"So…" Maeve's voice took on a gloating edge. "#homeley?" Then she started laughing.
Homelander looked annoyed, which just made her laugh more. "Yes, we know. That's why we'll have to use #ashlander."
"Isn't that a tribe in Elder Scrolls?" Starlight asked.
Ashley nodded. "But, like Homelander said, we don't have much of a choice in the matter. #homeley's the worst option, but #homerett and #barrlander are no better."
"That's what held up your wedding? Your couple portmanteau?" A-Train looked astonished.
"Not just that. I wasn't sure if I wanted to commit. I've had a problem with that in the past. I broke up with Adam Bourke when he wanted to get serious, and…well, that doesn't matter now. Homelander convinced me that we could make it work."
"We can do an interview on Seven at Seven now, tell Cameron Coleman about our joyful union and how unbelievably happy we are." Homelander's eyes gleamed with malice.
A laugh forced its way out of Ashley. "It's fine. If you feel like we need to do that—"
"I do."
"—then we can do that. I wanted to do some groundwork first, but now that all of you know, there's not really any point."
"So Homelander was the one pushing for marriage?" Maeve asked. "Not you?"
Ashley looked disturbed. Homelander answered for her. "Yes, I was. Because she's mine. She's always been mine and the world will fucking burn before anyone takes her away from me."
An uncomfortable silence fell before Starlight asked, "Anyone got any champagne so we can drink to the newlyweds?"
"Newlyweds." Ashley said the word as though she'd never heard it before. "We're married."
"Yes, we are." He smiled at her again and the realization struck Starlight: Homelander loved Ashley. Actually loved her. It wasn't part of a plot, not some misdirection or trick. Her lack of beauty didn't matter, her unease around him—had that been the trick? Had the two of them played the entire team for over a year?
Maeve broke her train of thought as she popped open a bottle of some champagne with an unpronounceable French name. "If somebody will get me some glasses, we can drink to the happy couple."
A-Train had several glasses in his hands before she finished speaking. After everyone had taken one, Maeve filled their glasses, sloshing some champagne in the process. Then she raised her glass high. "Here's to #ashlander!"
"#ashlander!" Everyone repeated the toast and took the celebratory drink.
"So, do you have any pictures of the wedding?" A-Train asked.
"Yeah, sure." Ashley pulled out her phone, unlocked it, and scrolled. "Right here."
Maeve took a look. "That's an Elvis impersonator. You got married by an Elvis impersonator!"
"Well, they said the other minister was busy, and we didn't want to wait. So what? A lot of people in Las Vegas get married by Elvis impersonators!"
Starlight managed to distract Ashley from her growing irritation by saying, "Is anybody going to get the Deep in here? If everybody else knows, he should too."
"I'll get him," said Homelander, and returned with the fishman in short order.
He looked confused. "What's going on?"
Maeve interrupted Starlight's explanation by saying, "The church website says you have to pay extra for an Elvis impersonator. So you paid for the privilege. I don't believe the Elvis impersonator was an accident."
The Deep looked even more confused. "Huh?"
A-Train said, "Homelander and Ashley got married in Las Vegas this weekend. They would have done it before but they hadn't found a hashtag they liked yet."
The Deep looked around, sighed, and said, "Well, that makes as much sense as anything else."