Tragically Cruel Shinobi World
Chapter 1 - Catastrophic Failure
Iruka Umino believed himself to be an extraordinary teacher. Out of all the classes in the shinobi academy he got the most difficult and rowdy of the bunch. Even still he was lucky for most of the class consisted of clan heirs to some of the largest shinobi clans in Konoha. Nine teams graduating was a stellar run even if six of them most likely wouldn't make the cut.
"Alright settle down class," Iruka called out over the murmured conversations between friends, "Now I've got a list of teams here made up by the Hokage as well as a jonin who will become your team's sensei so listen up!"
After going through the first six teams which were entirely made up from children who came from civilian backgrounds Iruka announced the first team with a clan heir on it, "Team 7 will consist of Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Naruto Uzumaki. Your Jonin sensei will be Kakashi Hatake."
Sakura let out a triumphant shout upon hearing her name alongside her beloved Sasuke and then a groan as she heard the dobe deadlast's name alongside hers. Sasuke huffed dramatically at his subpar teammates and leaned onto his hand to stare out the window and brood. Everyone was expecting Naruto to shout out in happiness about being placed on a team with his crush Sakura but what they got instead was entirely different from what they were expecting.
"Iruka sensei, did you say I am to be placed on a team with Sasuke and Sakura with Kakashi as my sensei?" Naruto asked calmly while crossing his arms and staring at the ceiling.
Iruka crossed his own arms irritatedly and said with slight annoyance at the interruption, "Yes Naruto we always place the rookie of the year, which is Sasuke, with the top kunoichi, which is Sakura, on a team with the dead last, which is you."
Naruto stood up calmly and took off his hitai-ate, folded the band neatly and placed it on Iruka's desk before stating, "I'll try again next year sensei. I refused to be placed on a team with those people."
Just as Naruto reached for the door handle to the classroom door a very shocked Iruka blurted, "Why?"
Naruto paused for a second and turned around with what could only be described as a defeated look and replied monotonously, "I love the old man like a grandfather but that team is doomed to fail. That's probably one of the worst decisions he's ever made."
Iruka, who was now more curious than shocked, couldn't help but ask, "Why's that?"
"Kakashi Hatake is damaged. He suffers from chronic PTSD and doesn't want to get help. He bottles up his emotions and tries to cope and releases all his anger on high ranking suicide missions. He has a superiority complex the size of the Hokage monument. He is perverted and lazy with a passion for adequacy. He has the potential to be a kage level ninja and surpasse all those who came before him and yet remains a high A rank threat in the bingo book.
Sasuke Uchiha is damaged with severe psychological issues. He has both a superiority and inferiority complex with an ego to match. Despite his malfunctions he remains a solid chunin level ninja in stealth, taijutsu, ninjutsu, shurikenjutsu, and probably kenjutsu. Once he unlocks his sharingan he will practically be a mid level chunin capable of getting the drop on low jonin level ninja.
Sakura Haruno suffers from a severe case of fangirlism and is sexually obsessed with Sasuke to an unhealthy degree. She will never be a capable kunoichi. She will most likely be the first of this class to die in battle or worse be kidnapped and raped. She has the control to develop medical techniques with an eidetic memory to match. Because of this eidetic memory she will never be good at genjutsu which requires creativity and outside the box thinking. She has no other extraordinary capabilities befitting a genin level kunoichi.
You've probably noticed I've listed everyone's faults but my own. I was born and orphaned an hour later. I was kicked out of the orphanage when I was five. I then lived on the streets for two years eating out of the garbage until Old Man Ichiraku caught me eating out of his dumpster and called the Hokage. I've been beaten, I've been stabbed, I've been burned alive, I've been skinned alive, I've been tortured. The only person in the whole world who is supposed to love me unconditionally is a coward who can't even stand to look at me. I spend the entirety of my birthday every year running for my life from the people of this village.
Even after I put up with all of this shit you still don't seem to understand. I'm the son of two Kage level ninja and a jinchuriki to boot. You'd have to be a pretty piss poor shinobi to look at me and not see them. I look like him and I act like her and somehow nobody knows who I am. I've failed this academy course twice now because the teachers actively sabotage me and I'm not going to suffer being a part of a team that is destined for catastrophic failure because the old man has something as foolish as hope. We live in a horribly cruel shinobi world and the sooner people realise that the better," Naruto stated irritably before walking out and slamming the door shut behind him.
As the class burst into whispers and murmurs Naruto headed outside the academy grounds and made his way to his apartment. Meanwhile in the Hokage's office the group of prospective jonin sensei's sat gathered around the Hokage's crystal ball which he uses to peep on women… err watch over his villagers. They heard Naruto's calm rant about this year's reincarnation of team 7 and couldn't help but think he was right.
"You know Dad he's not wrong," A tall and muscular jonin that highly resembled the Hokage said as he lit a cigarette.
A female jonin with a long mane of silky black hair with crimson coloured eyes plucked the cigarette out of the other jonin's mouth and stomped on it before saying, "Asuma's right Lord Third. That was the best psychological profiling I've ever seen from a genin."
"I know Kurenai. I have half a mind to give him to Ibiki and Anko as an apprentice," The elderly Hokage sighed as he packed his pipe full of tobacco with a defeated look on his face.
The third jonin in the room had a stoic air about him with gravity defying silver hair with a face mask to hide his emotions. He tucked away his perverted novel and hung his head in shame. He looked down at the crystal ball which now showed Naruto laying down on his couch in his apartment throwing a rubber ball up and down at the ceiling.
Kakashi Hatake looked away from his sensei's son and spoke aloud for the first time since the beginning of the meeting, "I really have failed everyone in my life haven't I?"
To be Continued…
Author's Notes: I felt like writing this as a spur of the moment kind of thing. If you want to see more of this, drop me a review and let me know. Also would you like longer chapters like 8k words once a week or smaller 1-2k word chapters once every other day? Another thing I would like to know is if you'd like me to use Japanese idioms like -chan, -kun, jiji etc.