The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I am here to bring you another great and hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Halloween Havoc VI is still going strong and it's time to talk about John Carpenter once again. Time to look over John Carpenter's 1995 remake Village of the Damned. A film that made us want to beware the children, yet it failed to do so as it was panned by critics, yet Sean finds the film to be an underrated remake. Will this movie make Sean be afraid of children. Sit back, relax and grab something cold to drink. This is the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy,
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights and references belong to their respective sources. Village of the Damned is owned by Universal Pictures and Alphaville Films.
Halloween Havoc VI Part III: Village of the Damned
(The Halloween Havoc VI intro is shown. This time, the opening consists of clips of the 1960 film Village of the Damned)
Sean Stack: (V/O) December 7th, 1960: MGM releases a new science fiction horror film from Wolf Rilla called Village of the Damned, which was adapted from the novel The Midwich Cuckoos by John Wyndham and the lead role being played by the voice of Shere Khan from Disney's The Jungle Book (A picture of George Sanders is shown). The movie was a hit with critics and it terrified people. It also made us afraid of children.
(Cut to footage of the 1995 remake)
Sean Stack: (V/O) In 1995: Director John Carpenter was hired to direct the remake of the film. After the movie's release, critics panned the film and it was a box-office failure. Well, at least In the Mouth of Madness was a better film than this turkey. (The poster for In the Mouth of Madness is shown) Was this one of John Carpenter's worst films? Was the girl who played (image of actress Lindsey Haun is shown) Mara part of Disney Channel's Movie Surfers?
(Cut to Sean Stack standing in the middle of Fountain Square)
"Yeah, you didn't know that one, did you? Both her and Margie from Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century were part of Movie Surfers. Check out the old episodes on YouTube. I'm Sean Stack, and welcome to Halloween Havoc." Sean said.
(This time, the words that slide down the purple bars are follows: "Mayhem Critic", "Silver-Haired Children", "John Carpenter", "Midwich", "John Carpenter Regulars", "Aliens", "Mysterious Pregnancies", "Psychic Abilities", "Emotions", "Kirstie Alley Smoking". The "reviewed" clips shown are from Christine, Halloween '78, Halloween II and Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Then, we see our favorite residential movie critic Sean J. Archer a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic in his regular room as usual, wearing his Halloween Havoc outfit)
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said. "Hey kids, do you know what time it is? It's John Carpenter time!"
(The title "John Carpenter Time!" appears, which means Sean is reviewing another film from one of his favorite directors of all time, John Carpenter. Then we cut to a montage of different John Carpenter movies, several including Christine, Halloween, The Thing, Escape from New York, Big Trouble in Little China, Prince of Darkness, They Live, Vampires, Ghosts of Mars, Memoirs of an Invisible Man, Body Bags and In the Mouth of Madness are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Ah, John Carpenter. You bring so much joy into our lives. Not only some of his films are memorable, but he is one of the greatest masters of horror. Sometimes some of his works tend to be really good and some tend to be questionable. And there are more John Carpenter movies than they're probably are. Yeah, there are some films from him that tend to be bad, but I can't tell you how many times that some of his later films tend to have a cult following. I can tell you that there are a few films from Mr. Carpenter that they have seen which had them hyped up for the next film from him that would excite or terrify us.
(Posters of the following John Carpenter movies are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Halloween, The Fog, The Thing, Christine, Halloween...
(Posters for Halloween, Halloween Kills and Halloween Ends are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) ...again. Since he was big in the '70s and '80s with his films, the films that he's done in the late '80s, early '90s and in the '00s tend to be the ones that don't do well. Some tend to have a cult following like Prince of Darkness, They Live, In the Mouth of Madness and Vampires, while some tend to be the worst like Memoirs of an Invisible Man and Ghosts of Mars.
"But then you have a movie that has both the good and the bad that John Carpenter has to offer. And that movie is Village of the Damned." Sean said.
(The title screen for John Carpenter's "Village of the Damned" is shown, followed by clips from the movie when the end title theme by John Carpenter and Dave Davies plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Released in theaters on April 28th, 1995, John Carpenter's remake of the 1960 movie, and just like his films in the 90s, with the exception of In the Mouth of Madness and Vampires, which I enjoy by the way and...
(The poster for Escape for L.A. is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) ...yeah, we'll cross that hill of beans later on. This film did not do well in theaters and was panned by critics, but years later, it became an underappreciated gem. Yes, this is one John Carpenter movie that I really enjoyed because it's got a lot of that Carpenter flair that you would expect in his movies. Plus, you have some of the John Carpenter regular that appear in the movie like George "Buck" Flower and his go-to guy Peter Jason. Even though you don't have his go-to cinematographer Dean Cundey, you have the late Gary B. Kibbe who became his go-to cinematographer for some of his films in the late '80s and 90s like Prince of Darkness, They Live, In the Mouth of Madness and much more. It has that John Carpenter feel to it. Aside from directing the movie, Carpenter also co-wrote the script with screenwriter David Himmelstein. But hey, at least it's not as bad as... (The posters for Ghosts of Mars and The Ward are shown) ...yeah, these two. But in my opinion, this movie is one of Carpenter's best works. So you're probably wondering, does this film need some more love? Does it deserve to have a cult following like In the Mouth of Madness?
(The poster for In the Mouth of Madness is shown)
"But then again, this is John Carpenter we're talking about here. There will be some questionable yet silly moments in this movie. And boy, will there be some to make fun of. This is John Carpenter's attempt at making children scary, this is..." Sean said.
Suddenly, the young critic stops talking and sees a group of children, five boys and five girls with pale skin, white-blonde hair and cobalt eyes standing in his living room. The group is led by a little girl named Mara, played by Taylor. Sean immediately smiles at the children.
"Well, hi there." Sean said, smiling.
"Why do you smile? You're trying to hide your thoughts from us." Mara said.
"Are you trying to get in my mind? Just how deeply do you see?" Sean asked.
"Everything active in your mind." Mara said.
"Oh, really. Can you see some of my personal and private thoughts?" Sean asked.
"Your private thoughts are sickening." Mara said.
"Oh, Christ. These are thoughts that you children should never see. That's why you should stay out of my head." Sean said.
"Why do you think of such thoughs?" Mara asked.
"Uh, can I work on this review, please?" Sean asked.
"You're not supposed to..." Mara said.
"We'll talk about you later. Let's start this review. This is Village of the Damned." Sean said.
(The movie opens in the town of Midwich, a mysterious presence floating towards the town)
Sean: (Narrating) The movie begins as we see an ominous presence floating towards the small coastal town of Midwich. In the original, the movie took place in the British village of Midwich. In this one, it takes place in California's Marin County, a place that John Carpenter is familiar with. This strange, mysterious dark cloud passes through the town and we see the town docter Alan Chaffee, played by Christopher Reeve in his last film before his tragic accident that left him paralyzed, is awoken by the sound and he tells his wife Barbara, played by Karen Kahn, about the noise.
Dr. Alan Chaffee (Played by Christopher Reeve): Honey, do you hear that?
Barbara Chaffee (Played by Karen Kahn): What?
(Alan gets out of bed to check it out while a sound clip from the Ricola commercial plays)
Guy on Mountain: (Off-Screen) RI-CO-LA!
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Hey, Barbara.
Guy on Mountain: (Off-Screen): RI-CO-LA!
(Barbara enters the room while she puts on her robe)
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Didn't- Didn't you hear that? Could have sworn I heard whispering.
Barbara Chaffee: You were reading my mind, that's all. My thoughts sound like whispers.
(Alan smiles at Barbara and wraps his arms around her, holding her close)
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Oh yeah? What were you thinking?
"I bet you she was thinking that you were more powerful than a locomotive in the bedroom." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We're introduced to the town's school principal Jill McGowan, played by Linda Kozlowski, and her mechanic husband Frank played by Michael Pare, as we see that they're on their way to the town fair as they discuss having a baby.
Jill McGowan (Played by Linda Kozlowski): (Sees Frank about to smoke a cigarette) Honey, don't smoke.
Frank McGowan (Played by Michael Pare): Hey, come on, come on! You're gonna make me crash. Look, I'll quit smoking when you decide to get pregnant, all right?
"Oh, yeah. When's that, until you die a horrific car crash?" Sean asked, imitating Jill.
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to the town fair where we're introduced to a few other characters. You have the town minister Reverend George, played by none other that Mark Hamill. Which is weird to see him in a non-Star Wars/non-Batman: The Animated Series/non-Spider-Man role (Pictures of Luke Skywalker, The Joker and The Hobgoblin are shown). You have the school janitor who's a drunk named Carlton, played by George "Buck" Flower...
(A clip from Back to the Future Part II is shown)
Marty McFly (Played by Michael J. Fox): Red.
Sean: (Narrating) Yep, that's the same guy who played Red the Bum from Back to the Future and he's another one of John Carpenter's regulars in which he appeared in The Fog, Escape from New York, Starman and They Live.
(A clip from They Live is shown)
Drifter (Played by George "Buck" Flower): Blow it out your ass.
Sean: (Narrating) As you can see, things are pretty normal in Midwich. It's just what you would expect in a small costal town where everybody knows one another. Aside from that, you get a little cameo from John Carpenter at a pay phone. (The camera zooms in on John Carpenter at a pay phone) Yeah, who would have noticed that? Hell, I didn't even notice him when I watched this movie again. I guess he's trying to act like Stephen King appearing in some of his movies.
Frank McGowan: Hey, Doc. How the hell are you?
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Good.
Frank McGowan: Heading over to the school fair?
Dr. Alan Chaffee: No, I gotta go to Butler County today. Make my rounds at the hospital.
Frank McGowan: Come on, you gotta try out this muscle machine I made. Show everybody how strong you are.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: I don't know. I should probably just sit down in the shade and watch you young guys do it. (Chuckles)
"In other words, he's done with playing Superman." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Things seem to be alright, until the whole town passes out at the same time and anyone who enters the town suffers the same fate. Hell, it even affects the animals as well. Frank drives back into Midwich and ends up passing out, leading to his unfortunate death.
(Frank passes out behind the wheel crashes into another truck as we see it exploding)
"His only regret was starring in in the movie Bad Moon." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) With the fear of chemical weapons striking the town, the cops show up and we see that some of them are knocked out after they enter the town and we see a scientist from the government named Dr. Susan Verner, played by the late Kirstie Alley, investigates the scene. What I have to say about Kirstie Alley is that she plays this character really well. Plus, when I watched this movie, this was my first time seeing her in a horror movie. (Clips from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Runaway, Look Who's Talking, Cheers, It Takes Two, North and South and Toothless are shown, followed by clips of her character in Village of the Damned) I've seen her in sci-fi movies like Star Trek II and Runaway, drama like North and South and mostly comedies like Look Who's Talking, Cheers, Toothless and It Takes Two. This is another one of my favorite roles from her. Anyway, Alan returns and sees what's going on as the cops send one of their men in. Only this time, the poor officer is wearing a gas mask.
(The officer steps into the town, but then he passes out)
"Oh, man! Not poor... whoever that guy's name is. What the hell is his name? Who is he? Why did you send that man in?" Sean asked.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Some kind of chemical? Gas?
Dr. Susan Verner (Played by Kirstie Alley): No, it can't be. The edges of the affected area are well-defined. Stationary.
The Sheriff (Played by Squire Fridell): Doc, this is Susan...
Dr. Susan Verner: Verner. Like Turner, with a "V". Epidemiologist National Science Foundation.
"Yeah, like the singer Tina Verner, and Ted Verner the founder of VNT, VBS, VCM and the creator of Captain Planet and the Planeteers. He's also the founder of Verner Broadcasting Systems. Heck, there's also a cool teacher named Jonathan Verner in Boy Meets World. Yeah, try replacing someone's last name "Turner" with "Verner" at home. I would love to see what you would come up with." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) They see that the officers start to wake up as well as the animals too. As for the people in Midwich, they begin to wake up after their little "blackout". Also, I chuckled a bit after seeing Carlton taking a drink after he wakes up. Also, we get another unfortunate death.
(Callie, played by Constance Forslund, starts screaming as she sees Oliver's charred body on the grill)
"That's what I love about going to barbecues, the smell of roasted meat and friends." Sean said.
"Why do you make fun of the pain of others? Does death make you laugh?" Mara asked.
"Oh, come on. You couldn't help but make fun of this part. So, I had to. It's not my fault that I have a dark sense of humor." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Aside from the deaths that happened in the wrong place at the wrong time and of course the government arriving in town, things start to get to normal until things start to get bizarre when the women in the town become pregnant. And one of the women named Melanie Roberts, played by Meredith Salenger in a brief, yet memorable role, speaks with Reverend George, because of the news of her finding out that she's pregnant.
Reverend George (Played by Mark Hamill): Melanie, what's the matter? Maybe I can help.
Melanie Roberts (Played by Meredith Salenger): (Crying) No, you can't.
"Hey, if I had a town minister who's voice sounds like The Joker, I would confess my sins to him." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) As for the men in the town, some of them aren't taking the news of their wives' pregancies very well, or surprised, as we see Callie's husband Ben, played by John Carptenter's go-to guy Peter Jason, isn't taking the news of his wife's pregnancy very well and leaves. Mostly because he's needed on the set of Mortal Kombat. As for Alan, Barbara reveals to him that she's pregnant. Also, Jill is pregnant as well. The townspeople then have a meeting and they start to freak out about it.
Woman: They are all gonna be deformed!
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Wait a minute. That's not true. That's not- Excuse me! That's not true. There's no reason to believe that. Now, look, Barbara and I are pregnant, okay? We know how you feel. We know what a lot of you are thinking. So let me say right now the same thing I've told a lot of you individually. The standard tests have not revealed one abnormality. Anywhere. Not one, all right?
"Besides, they're not going to become freaks that would try to kill us, right?" Sean asked, imitating Dr. Chaffee.
Sean: (Narrating) Dr. Verner arrives in Midwich to offer quite a lot of money per family for the people who decide to go with it, if they allow their child to be examined and tested.
Mr. Roberts (Played by Robert Lewis Bush): Is that $3,000 a family? What if your wife and your daughter both have kids?
Dr. Susan Verner: Then you would receive $6,000.
(Mr. Roberts smirks before sitting down)
(A clip from Fast Times At Ridgemont High is shown)
Jeff Spicolli (Played by Sean Penn): Righteous bucks!
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, the townspeople have a choice. Either A.: go through the whole thing and get the righteous bucks. Or B.: not go through the whole thing and terminate the pregnancy. Which Ben's wife Callie, played by Constance Forslund, tells Jill that she can't keep the baby because it's not Ben's.
Callie Blum (Played by Constance Forslund): I just don't understand.
Jill McGowan: Something very strange is happening to all of us, Callie. You know, they say the Roberts girl is a virgin.
Callie Blum: What are you going to do?
Jill McGowan: I don't know. I don't know.
"A virgin girl mysteriously pregnant. Are you sure that George Lucas didn't rip this movie off or Jesus' life?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) The women have a bizarre dream about their pregnancies and being happy about it as they decide to keep their babies and live their lives as the pregnant women of Midwich. Then, comes the big night as all of the women start giving birth and the children are born on the same night in a barn. Also, Ben comes back to see his child. Well, at least he changed his mind. Yeah, things are going great, except for Melanie, who ends up losing her baby. So, Dr. Verner starts acting shady and walks off with the stillborn baby.
Reverend George: Where did you take the baby? I saw you take Melanie's baby outside there.
Dr. Susan Verner: Yes, I took the baby for an autopsy. I didn't want the other mothers to see.
"Riiiiiiight. Maybe you want to keep the baby for scientific purposes, lady." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that the children are intelligent, like Jill's infant son David, as we see that he knows how to spell his name with building blocks. But, there's something not right with them as we cut to the Chaffee residence as Barbara is busy cooking a pot of soup and their daughter Mara, experiences some pain from the soup being too hot.
(Mara's eyes start glowing as she stares at Barbara. She uses her powers to make her mother feel pain by putting her arm in the pot of boiling hot soup. Barbara sticks her arm in the pot and screams in pain)
Jill McGowan: Barbara?
(Jill walks in and sees Barbara hurting herself. She sits David down on the floor and heads into the kitchen)
Jill McGowan: Barbara! Oh, God.
(Jill pulls Barbara's arm out of the pot as Mara's eyes stop glowing. Then, Barbara sticks her arm in the pot again)
Jill McGowan: Oh, no, Barbara! Barbara!
"Okay, why the hell would she stick her arm in the pot of boiling hot soup? After sticking it back in? It's like sitting in the bathtub that's filled with scalding hot water and then you get out and you sit back down in it." Sean said.
(We cut to the aftermath, as we see Alan and Mara visiting Barbara, who's lying in bed with her left arm bandaged)
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Barbara. Honey, can't you tell me what happened?
(Barbara turns her head and sees Mara)
Sean: (V/O as Mara) You tell anybody and I'll kill you.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Barbara decides to step out for some fresh air to get away from that little monster, I mean adorable little baby as Alan feels that there's something wrong. But then Mara uses her powers on her mother once more and forces her to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: (Sees that Barbara isn't near the cliff) Barbara? (Runs out of the house) Barbara! Barbara! No! No! God, no! Barbara!
(We get a transparent shot of Mara closing her eyes and going back to sleep while "Ave Satani" plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Dr. Verner gives an update on what's going on in Midwich and the children interacting more with the general community and that there's been a few casualties involving the children. Also, we learn that Alan has left the program after the death of his wife.
Dr. Susan Verner: Let's cut to the chase here. It is now of interest to national security that we continue to carefully monitor their developing powers. I ask for another year's grant.
"Man, have you noticed how much Kirstie Alley smokes in that movie?" Sean asked.
(Cut to a montage of Dr. Verner smoking)
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, you can see how much her character smokes. Yeah, so much for Rebecca Howe to quit smoking. The last time she stopped smoking, she ended up burning down the bar. (Cut to the scene with her meeting with the other government officials) Look at this, you have her sitting with a bunch of government officials in a dark room while she's smoking a cigarette. It's a good thing that it's not smoky in the room. I mean, imagine being one of the government officials in the room and she starts smoking.
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
(We see Sean and Brian playing government officials as we see them sitting at a table and they're surrounded by cigarette smoke)
Government Official: (Off-Screen) His daughter's the leader, isn't she? He's probably got his hands full.
Dr. Susan Verner: (Off-screen) Personal considerations aren't important, are they?
(Sean starts coughing)
Sean: (as Government Man #1) Man, does she have to start smoking in front of us?
Brian: (as Government Man #2) Great. Now, my hair is going to smell like cigarette smoke. My wife Ashley hates that. (Coughs)
Sean: Don't worry, I got some spray that would hide that odor.
Taylor: (V/O as Dr. Verner) Is there a problem, gentlemen?
Brian: No, ma'am.
Sean: No problem at all. Just continue smoking, I mean, talking. You were saying something about the children?
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Sean: (Narrating) We now see that the children are grown and they've formed their little posse with Mara, played by Lindsey Haun, as the leader.
"Now, let me talk about this character. I can say that she's easily one of my favorite characters of the movie." Sean said.
"What are you thinking right now? What are you trying to hide?" Mara asked.
"Will you just let me talk, you little shi..." Sean said, but shrieks after he sees Mara's eyes glowing. "Sorry. I didn't mean to talk bad about you. Let's talk about Mara."
(A montage of Mara is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) She's easily the best part of the movie and I love the fact that they make her seem so innocent and yet she's sinister. She's like the female version of Damien Thorne... (A picture of Delia from Omen IV: The Awakening is shown) GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BITCH! Now, as child actors are in movies and people tend to make fun of them, this one is a pretty decent performance and Lindsey Haun did a pretty good job at playing the role. (Pictures of Mara's portrayer Lindsey Haun is shown in a montage, then we cut to a poster of the Disney Channel movie The Color of Friendship and Disney Channel's Movie Surfers and as the character Hadley Hale in HBO's True Blood) Yeah, can you believe that this is the same actress who would go on to playing in the Disney Channel original movie The Color of Friendship, one of my favorite DCOMs of all time, she was even one of the Movie Surfers alongside Lauren Maltby, who also starred in the Zenon movies with a pre-General Hospital Kirsten Storms, and she would go on to play Hadley Hale in HBO's True Blood. For a child actor in a horror movie, she does pretty well, even though if you try to take her and the other children seriously in those wigs. Hell, I can't even take them seriously, they just look hilarious.
Dr. Susan Verner: (While Mara smiles at her) Mara, why do you smile?
Mara Chaffee (Played by Lindsey Haun): You're trying to hide your thoughts from us.
Dr. Susan Verner: Oh. Well, just how deeply do you see?
Mara Chaffee: Everything active in your mind. But the process that leads to spoken words eludes us. Why do you speak some thoughts and not others?
Dr. Susan Verner: (Smirks) Wouldn't it be a noisy world if we said everything we thought?
(Dr. Verner walks away as the children just stare at her)
Sean: (V/O as Dr. Verner) God, I can't take you kids seriously in those ridiculous wigs.
Sean: (Narrating) One of the children is getting their eyes examined by the eye doctor and she accidentaly puts some red cap eye drops in her eye, which hurts her and the children sense one of their own is getting hurt, resulting in Mara in making the eye doctor put acid eye drops in her eye to make her feel the pain. This doesn't bode well with Reverend George and I love this one moment where Hamill goes into his Joker voice. It's when he's talking to Dr. Verner and says the words "It was the children".
Reverend George: How did it happen?
Dr. Susan Verner: Doesn't remember much. It'll be listed as an asccident.
Reverend George: It was the children. ("It was the children" is replayed 3 times)
"I don't know why, I thought it was pretty cool just to hear him pull off the Joker voice." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Alan goes to pick up his daughter, but Jill tells him that the children don't belong in regular classes because it's getting too dangerous and the other children can't learn, so she thinks that he could teach them because they respect him.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Respect? No. They don't even know the meaning of that word. Why bother? It doesn't make any difference what we do.
"Just take a look at Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. I stopped playing the Man of Steel after that disaster." Sean said, imitating Alan.
Jill McGowan: Alan, we need you.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: What am I possibly going to teach them?
Jill McGowan: Humanity.
(Alan walks away)
Jill McGowan: Humanity.
"That's right. Humanity. Our last hope." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Were introduced to Jill's son David, played by Thomas Dekker, (posters for An American Tail: The Treasure of Manhattan Island, An American Tail: The Mystery of the Night Monster, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: The Series, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and A Nightmare on Elm Street, the 2010 remake are shown) who would also go on to have a pretty extensive career. David is much different than Mara and the others. You might think that he's going to be evil like the others, but he's not. He has the ability to show human compassion.
David McGowan (Played by Thomas Dekker): Why should I be experiencing emotion at this moment? What is that word you're thinking? What is empathy? So if I have felt pain, I should be able to identify with others who feel pain.
Jill McGowan: Yeah. Yes.
"Yeah, like me. I'm experiencing emotion right now because Paramount Plus canceled the iCarly reboot. Oh, you sons of bitches. Why?" Sean cried.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, David strays away from the group and heads down to the cemetary to look for the Roberts' baby, but he only finds Melanie just sitting in the cemetary while getting drunk.
Melanie Roberts: What's the matter?
(David stays silent)
Melanie Roberts: (Offers David some whiskey) You want some?... I'm sorry. I just can't hack it.
(Melanie gets up and leaves while David just looks at her. We then see David's vision of Melanie, as we see an image of Patton Oswalt, Meredith Salenger's husband, then the vision ends)
Sean: (V/O as David) Wait, you married Spence from The King of Queens? (V/O as Melanie) Yeah, so what? Don't judge me, you little twerp.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, we learn that Melanie killed herself after the loss of her baby when they showed her funeral the next day. After the funeral, Alan finds David at the cemetary as he looks for the dead baby that was supposed to be his mate and we get this little moment between Alan and David.
David McGowan: You've lost someone too.
(David walks over to Alan and they stand in front of Barbara's grave. They have a moment of silence and David holds Alan's hand)
"Oh, great. First, the news of iCarly's cancellation and now you're going to make me have an emotion. Thanks a lot, movie." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Alan talks to Jill that he thinks he can teach them, so he becomes their teacher and tries to teach them some things about humanity.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Does anybody here know how the eye works?
Robert (Played by Cody Dorkin): Do you mean how we see or...
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Well, what else can the eye do?
Robert: They eyes are...
Mara Chaffee: The eyes are the windows of the soul.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Yes. That's right, Mara. I see that you've been reading Proverbs. I was speaking to Robert.
"Yeah, you creepy little bitch. Is your name Robert?" Sean asked.
Suddenly, Mara's eyes start glowing as Sean sees this happening. She then uses her powers to make Sean grab his pistol to make him shoot himself. Sean tries to control himself by trying not to shoot himself.
"Okay, about what I said. I'm sorry. Look, there's no need for violence here. So just don't make me shoot myself. I've got like two movies left in Halloween Havoc and I do not want to die from not doing two movies." Sean said.
Mara's eyes stop glowing, freeing Sean from her grasp as the young critic sighs in relief.
"Thank God. Let's move on." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Alan leaves the classroom for a bit after Jill calls him into the office, leaving the children alone with Carlton, who's drunken ass decides to fuck with the children.
Carlton (Played by George "Buck" Flower): I know your game. I know what you're up to. Ever since you got here, I been watching. Watching people leave this town. Watching things die. You ain't right. None of you.
"Okay, I think this guy had a little too much to drink. Can somebody take the whiskey away from him?" Sean asked.
Carlton: One of these days, somebody's gonna do something about it. (Turns his attention to Robert) I don't like the way you're looking at me, boy. (Threatens Robert with his broom and chuckles) I got a gun too. And I ain't the only one. One day, somebody's gonna get up on a rooftop, and they're start picking you little bastards off one by one by one.
(Carlton hits Robert by the side of his head, provoking him and the others)
"Oh, you drunk asshole. Why would you provoke them like that?! Now, you're a dead man." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, fucking with children with psychic powers isn't a good idea as they use their powers on Carlton to make him pull a Mortal Kombat-style fatality on himself with a broom. Ouch. Sensing there's something wrong with the children, Alan speaks with Dr. Verner and demands answers from her.
Dr. Susan Verner: I'd orignally thought they were some form of mutation, some abrupt evolutionary jump. It was their communal consciousness. But it couldn't explain the blackout or the mass pregnancies. Midwich isn't the only colony of such children. In a township in Northern Australia, 30 infants were born in a single day. They all died within 10 hours of birth. In an Inuit community outside of Anchorage, a group of 10 children were born. There were 20 births in a small village near the Turkish-Iranian border. Each location was remote, isolated. And each had a blackout, the same as Midwich.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: And how long have you known about this?
Dr. Susan Verner: The way I see it, there's three possibilities. Number one, parthenogenesis- the development of a fetus without fertilization. I know, I don't buy that either. Number two, we do know the CIA slipped large doses of LSD to men without them knowing it in order to study the effects of psychotropes on gene structure. So maybe the government engineered the blackout, and then they artificially inseminated your women with super-sperm. First, they knocked them out. Then, they knocked them up.
"Uhhhh... okay. So, maybe the CIA had something to do with. I mean, there's no third possibility that I would think is insane." Sean said.
Dr. Susan Verner: Xenogenesis. Implantation. The production of an offspring unlike that of the parent. Or should I say host?
(A clip from Die Hard is shown)
Hans Gruber (Played by Alan Rickman): I must have missed 60 Minutes. What are you saying?
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, I didn't care for that explaination. I mean, aliens, really? I mean, couldn't you just leave it alone altogether. I mean, they could be demon seeds, alien vistors or alien mistakes. Come on, have a little mystery to it. Anyway, Dr. Verner takes Alan down to the basement to show him alien corpse of the dead Roberts baby and she wants him to come back to the project and he's not taking that reveal pretty well.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Why didn't you tell us? I mean, why didn't you warn us?
Dr. Susan Verner: Because I couldn't.
(Alan walks off)
Dr. Susan Verner: Well, I couldn't Alan. If anybody else knew, the children would know. Look, I have spent years of my life building a wall around this, hiding it, so they couldn't read what was in my mind. But as their powers grow stronger, they just keep looking deeper and deeper. I need your help. Alan, would you please just... come back to the project?
(Alan gets in his car and drives off)
(A clip from Look Who's Talking is shown)
Mollie Jensen (Played by Kirstie Alley): Asshole!
Sean: (Narrating) With things becoming too dangerous for them and having a bad reputation, the children decide to move into the abandoned barn. This doesn't bode well with Ben as he tries to bring his daughter home.
Dorothy (Played by Jessye Quarry): Julie doesn't want to come with you.
Ben Blum: Well, damn it, I don't care what Julie wants. Her mother's frantic. I'm bringing her home.
(As Ben gets ready to get into his truck, he bumps into Mara and another girl as they use their powers on him. He enters his truck and he starts to drive off and crashes into a giant fuel tank, killing him as it explodes)
"Goddamn it! You little monsters killed the go-to guy for Mr. Carpenter's movies. What did he ever do to you?" Sean asked.
"We didn't care for him because he was Peter Jason." Mara said.
"Watch it now. Peter Jason is our lord and savior." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) As Alan heads to the barn, Dr. Verner tells him that she's been informed that the towns with the blackout children have been destroyed and that Midwich is next, which is why she's packing up her things and getting the hell out of this crazy town. But before he does that, he has to go speak with Mara and the children and we get some amazing acting from Christopher Reeve here.
Mara Chaffee: Why do you think your own survival depends upon emotion from us? Should we pity your? Empathize with your plight?
Dr. Alan Chaffee: You should feel! You should feel something! Without feelings, you're nothing.
"And you talk like a robot with no emotion." Sean said, imitating Alan.
Sean: (Narrating) Alan figures he could block his thoughts from them and he uses this to hatch a plan as the evil little bastards decide to leave Midwich.
Mara Chaffee: You're suddenly thinking of an ocean.
(Alan continues to think of an ocean by blocking his thoughts)
Mara Chaffee: You're blocking your thoughts rather effectively with this image.
(As Alan continues to block his thoughts, we cut to a scene from the 1982 suspense-comedy Deathtrap is shown, where we see Sydney Bruhl, played by Michael Caine, and Clifford Anderson, played by Christopher Reeve, sharing a kiss)
Mara Chaffee: We must leave here. Spread out, disperse. Soon, we will have reached a stage from where we can form new colonies.
Sean: (Narrating) Mara gives her father her best Damien Thorne smile before he leaves to get everything ready for them. After Alan leaves, David and Mata talk about the baby who was supposed to be David's mate and since he doesn't have a mate, he's less important to them and she finds his development of emotions very disturbing. While they're busy talking, Reverend George gets ready to shoot Mara like he's playing Sniper Elite 5.
(We see Reverend George getting ready to shoot Mara)
"Holy crap. Luke Skywalker is about to kill a child. He's living up to the Skywalker name." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But the Reverend Jedi Knight senses something powerful in the dark side as the children stop him from assassinating Mara.
(The children use their powers on Reverend George, forcing him to shoot himself. Afterwards, the scene cuts to black and we cut to a clip from Batman: Arkham Knight)
Joker (Voiced by Mark Hamill): (Sighs) Well, that's what I get for betting it all on black.
Sean: (Narrating) While Dr. Verner and her team get ready to leave, we see that an angry mob has gathered in town to kill the children.
Sarah (Played by Pippa Pearthree): Then will I also acknowledge to you that your own right hand can give you victory!
"We will not stand for Sutter Cane novels in our town!" Sean exclaimed, imitating Sarah.
(As Dr. Verner gets ready to leave the building, she bumps into the children)
Dr. Susan Verner: (Gasps) Oh, I'm glad you're here. I- I wanted to talk to you. I really think that I could help you.
(Mara's eyes start to glow as she uses her powers on Dr. Verner)
(A clip from Shameless is shown)
Micky Milkovich (Played by Noel Fisher): Aw, fuck! She's dead.
Sean: (Narrating) All hell breaks loose when the children start using their powers on Sarah to turn her into the human torch while Mara and the other children force Dr. Verner to show them the dead alien baby from the X-Files intro and they give her the most slow and painful death ever that's hard for me to watch.
(The children force Dr. Verner to lay on the examination table and cut herself open with a scalpel)
"Oh, Jesus! Why did you have to give Kirstie Alley the most painful death ever?" Sean asked.
"Because she was a Trump supporter." Mara said.
"I know she was, but there's no need to make her kill herself." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Alan finds some supplies to stop the children and he meets up with Jill at the school as she tells him that the state police and the military are on their way to the barn to kill them, but Alan has another way that they could stop them, which is to block them from reading their thoughts.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: I was able to block Mara from reading my thoughts.
Jill McGowan: How?
"Oh, he suddenly thought of kissing Michael Caine." Sean said.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Now, I know I can do that again. I can build a wall. I can build a wall and I can deceive them.
(Alan kisses Jill)
Jill McGowan: What are you gonna do?
Dr. Alan Chaffee: The only thing that we can do.
(After he leaves the classroom and locks the door, leaving Jill inside)
"Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. Locking women in the classroom just so he can kill some children." Sean said.
(Cut to Mara and the other children at the barn as Mara gets up from out of her seat after she hears police sirens)
Sean: (V/O as Mara) Are they filming an episode of Cops outside?
Sean: (Narrating) The cops show up to kill the children, but instead they use their powers on them to make them shoot each other as well as the military.
(The military and the cops are shooting at each other all from the children using their powers on them)
Sean: (V/O as Solider #1) Radomski, stop shooting at our men!
Brian: (V/O as Soldier #2) I can't, Dini! The children are making us shoot each other! We can't block our thoughts.
Sean: (Narrating) Alan arrives just to see the aftermath of the bloodbath. And he enters the barn with a little surprise inside his briefcase.
Mara Chaffee: Tell us what arrangements you have made for us.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Well, I haven't had much time.
(Alan looks at the clock)
Mara Chaffee: It is 11:22. What are you anxious about?
"Well, there's an episode of Cheers that I want to watch at 11:30. Can we hurry this along before I miss it?" Sean asked, imitating Alan.
Sean: (Narrating) Mara and the children suspect that Alan is hiding something from them, so he blocks his thoughts so they won't find out. This gives Jill ample time to grab David, but she ends up getting caught Mara and the others use their powers on Jill.
David McGowan: Stop it. Leave her alone!
(David pushes Mara)
"Dude, he just pushed the leader. Now, shit just got real!" Sean exclaimed.
Dr. Alan Chaffee: Jill, take him! Take him! Go, now! Go!
(Jill grabs David and they run out of the barn while Mara and the children try to break through Alan's defenses)
Sean: (Narrating) We get a pretty tense scene where the children try to break through Alan's defenses to see what he's hiding and I love the fact when Mara uses her powers, we see her true face. Yeah, aliens. They manage to break through his thoughs and they see that he's hiding a bomb, which kills him and the children. And Jill and David leave Midwich to start a new life.
Jill McGowan: Don't worry, David. We'll go someplace where nobody knows who we are.
"And they both moved to New York, where Jill becomes a writer for a newpaper and she fell in love with Crocodile Dundee and they lived happily ever after in Australia. The end. Okay, I'm kidding. But you wished that happened." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) And that was Village of the Damed, it's a criminally underrated movie. I mean, it's an alright movie. It's not as good as any of some of Carpenter's movies, but it's along the levels of Prince of Darkness and They Live. Christopher Reeve did an excellent job in this movie and so did Kirstie Alley. The reveal of the children being aliens was a bit dumb. I mean, that's something that could've been left alone. For an R-rated film, the death scenes in the movie aren't that brutal or bloody. The movie felt like it should've been rated PG-13 with some off-screen deaths that happened. Village of the Damned is a good movie that needs some more love. If you haven't seen it, then go watch it on Peacock. You'll definitely enjoy it. Village of the Damned comes in at 4 glowy-eyed children out of 5.
"Is that all that you're going to say about the review?" Mara asked.
"Uh, yeah. Those were my thoughts about the movie." Sean said.
"How come you feel that way about a movie you just reviewed after you made fun of it?" Mara asked.
"Because of enjoyment. I want to make people laugh with my reviews. And since this review is over, it's time for you all to get..." Sean said, but is interrupted when Mara and the other children start beaming out of his house. The young critic was speechless from what he just saw before he turned his attention to the camera. "Really? Aliens? God, that is so dumb! I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and I'll see you guys next time."
Mayhem Critic Tagline- It was the children.
And that is all for the newest chapter of The Mayhem Critic. So, what did you think of the review of Village of the Damned? I hope that you enjoyed it. Yeah, those were my thoughts about the movie. I thought it was criminally underrated and I think it's a pretty good John Carpenter movie, in my opinion. I would like to know if you enjoyed the movie as well. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, Halloween Havoc VI continues as Sean returns to the Scream franchise when he finally reviews Scream IV while dealing with a familiar enemy. *Cough, cough* Ghostface! *Cough, cough*. Then after the Scream IV review, it's the movie Renfield. Man, I am almost finished with Halloween Havoc VI and I just started it back in September with the review of Return of the Living Dead Part II and last week I've finished the review of Child's Play 2. Don't forget to review the new chapter, add this story to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also, if you want to do a co-review with me on either Scream IV or Renfield, feel free to PM me. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.