"Are you sure your family are happy for Freddie and I to join you tomorrow?" Josh asked as the two of us stood in the office of the bakery the following day.
"I've told you; they would love to have you. And I really want you there. This time last year, we had just started going out, and I want our first proper Christmas to be together, all of us." I said as I put my arms around his waist.
"Freddie and I never really did Christmas as kids, it was a couple of presents and that was about it." He said.
"Well, prepared to be fully immersed in the Christmas chaos that is our household. Steve will probably come round, see Rosie and Raffy with Tracy and Amy and Si will be there too and we'll all do presents and bacon sarnies for breakfast. Last year was a bit different, we had to do all the presents and lunch before we opened the pub, so it will be nice for this year to be a bit more chilled." I told him.
"Freddie and I will probably come round a bit later then, in time for bacon sarnies." He said.
"No, hey, I want you there, in the morning. I want you to see Amie open her presents, Josh, please can you both stay over?" I asked him.
"I'll ask Freddie. He'll be home late from the bistro. Maybe I'll stay, he can come over a bit later. He's never been much of a morning person." He said, causing both of us to laugh. The bakery had closed for Christmas after a busy morning this morning, so the building was quiet. Amelie was asleep in her pushchair in the doorway of my office. I looked down at her sleeping, while resting my head on Josh's chest.
"You alright?" I asked him, after he took a deep breath.
"Yeah." He said quietly. I lifted my head from his chest and looked up at him. His eyes were fixed on Amelie.
"Really?" I questioned.
"I don't know really. Just what you were saying about Ella and Nick and your Mum, just had me thinking." He said.
"About what?" I asked.
"About if we were to ever have a baby?" he said.
"Woah, what? We're not there yet, are we?" I said, quite alarmed at the fact he was even mentioning it. I loved Amelie, and I knew that in the future I wanted to have more children, but not yet, not now.
"No, I don't mean let's have a baby. I mean, it's just made me think what would happen if we did, and if we had a baby and then we broke up. I wouldn't want to be the absent father who only saw my kids every other weekend and once over Christmas. I'd want to be there for everything, the first steps, the first days at school, when they lose a tooth or, I don't know, I just wouldn't want to miss anything." he said.
"Hey, I would never ever let that happen Josh." I said, leaning my head back against his chest and I pulled my arms a little tighter around him. "I know it's not the same as my Mum and Ella and Nick, but both of us, know how it feels to grow up without a Dad, and I don't want that for my children." I told him.
"But Amelie, she doesn't-" he stopped, not wanting to upset me, I think.
"She has Peter, and even Simon sometimes. She has male role models all around her. She has you, and I couldn't ask for anyone better than that." I replied. "Trust me, I wouldn't be stood her now, if I didn't want you to be a part of her life forever. And I wouldn't be stood here if I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with you." Josh stroked my hair, and I lifted my head to look at him as he smiled brightly.
"You know earlier, when I said about a baby, you definitely did mean just not yet?" he asked.
"Yeah, you know I want to have more kids. Just not yet, I feel like I've just got out of Amelie being a baby and I want to enjoy that for a little bit before you and I have a baby together. We're young Josh, we've got lots of time." I told him and he smiled again.
The following day was Christmas Day. Mum and Nick had decided the day before that Ella would spend the morning with us and then Nick would collect her for lunch and she'd spend the afternoon with him, before he brought her home in the evening. The flat where he and Leanne lived wasn't big enough for all of them, so much so that even Simon had moved into the spare room downstairs instead of staying with Leanne and Nick.
The kids were all up early. Rosie and Raffy opened their stockings with Michelle. Isla, Ella and Tally opened theirs with Mum and Peter, while Josh and I had a peaceful time opening ours with Amelie. We got dressed and all piled downstairs to the living room, where there were lots more presents to open. Steve, Tracy and Amy arrived as well as Freddie, who joined Josh and Peter in the kitchen making bacon sandwiches for everyone. We all ate and chatted, and the kids got excited about their presents while we all ate Christmas chocolate. It was amazing to see the kids so happy with their presents, while Amelie dived into the pile of used wrapping paper. It meant it was even sadder when just after 1pm, while Michelle and Mum cooked in the kitchen, with some of Josh's help, Nick knocked on the door to collect Ella.
"Ella belle, put your shoes on, Nick's here." Mum called as she went into the hallway to answer the door. Ella didn't answer, but instead carried on playing with Isla and Rosie. Peter sat on the sofa beside them, looking at the instructions for the new laptop Mum had bought him. He nudged her, telling her the same thing, and I watched, from the other sofa with Tally and Amelie either side of me, as she seemed to just ignore him. "Ella, are you ready to go?" Mum said, walking around from the front door a couple of minutes later. Ella ignored her again, even letting Isla tap her on the arm without even batting an eyelid. "Ella, come on, Nick's waiting." Mum said. Ella looked up from the toys on the floor and over to me and then to Mum. She launched herself to stand up and ran into Mum's arms, looking as if she almost knocked her over.
"I don't want to go Mumma. I know I said I did, but I don't want to. I want to stay here with you." She said, as Nick appeared from the hallway behind Mum. He didn't look very happy; he must have heard what Ella had said.
"It's ok Bells, I'm not gonna make you go." Mum said, not realising Nick was stood behind her.
"I could have known that you had something to do with this." Nick said. Mum turned around, still holding Ella close to her. Their conversation had caught the attention of the whole room now. Michelle, Josh and Freddie stood in the kitchen. Tracy and Steve on the floor with Raffy. Amy and Simon on the sofa beside Peter. All of us watching to see how this would unfold.
"Nick, I didn't, I don't, she wanted to come." Mum said.
"No, no, you've planned this all along. You never wanted me to come anywhere near her, you've always been selfish like that Carla. I bet you knew from the start, but you wanted that pathetic waste of space to be her Dad, so you told everyone she was his." Nick said, raising his voice. Peter stood up from the sofa and stood beside Mum.
"Nick, you know that isn't true. I didn't know that she wasn't yours. It was only when she was ill that I found out." Mum told him.
"Oh, sure you did. You thought your daughter was dying so finally the truth had to come out and you had tell your secret. You knew it all along." Nick said.
"Isla, Posie, take Raffy and Tal upstairs please." I said quietly as the two of them sat on the floor in front of me.
"But-" Isla argued.
"Now." I said sternly. Isla and Rosie got up and took the other two upstairs.
"Nick, I swear to you, on my daughter's life I didn't know that Ella was yours until we did the second DNA test. I would never have denied her a father, just like I'm not doing now." Mum said to him. I could tell this was upsetting Ella as well, so I shifted Amelie beside me on the sofa and whispered Ella's name, before putting out my arms. She turned and walked towards me, and I held her on my lap.
"I don't know what I ever saw in you, you're a liar and a cheat and I can't believe I ever thought that we would have a future. All you ever do is lie, until one of your own is on their death bed and then your secret has to be revealed." He continued, I held Ella close to my chest and covered her ears as best I could. "And of course, I bet she knew, didn't she?" he said pointing at me, "And that one as well." He pointed to Michelle before looking back at Mum. "Poor little Carla, all on her own with two little children all on her own in Devon, lying to the father of her child so I can't get anywhere close to her. And I bet the whole time, they both knew, both keeping your little secret, weren't they? Cos that's what liars do isn't it, they lie for each other. And I'm telling you now, I will never let my daughter be a part of your sadistic society of witches."
"I think that's enough now mate, don't you?" Peter said, moving towards him.
"Oh, finally your knight in shining armour pipes up. It must take a bit longer for his brain to engage after all that booze over the years." Nick said.
"Alright Nick, time to go now." Steve said, standing up from where he'd been sat beside the Christmas tree.
"Oh, another adulterer in the family, don't worry Carla, it isn't just you, you've almost got a five a side football team in this room alone. I pity those kids, what excellent role models you all are." He continued. Josh and Freddie came behind him from the kitchen.
"I think it's time you were off, don't you mate?" Josh said, before the two of them each took one of Nick's arms and practically dragged him out of the house. He carried on shouting as they did. But by that time, we didn't care. He had gone, and that was the main thing. Ella leapt back into Mum's arms and Peter pulled them both into him. Josh and Freddie returned, and Josh wrapped his arms around me and checked I was alright.
More than anything, I was upset for Mum, and for Ella, that she'd just had to witness that. I knew that that was not something she was going to forget in a hurry and Nick may have just ruined any chance of a relationship with his daughter. No one could come into our house like that and insult our family and then be forgiven. My biggest fear was that this wasn't going to be the end. Would this be it, for the rest of Ella's life, Mum and Nick going back and forth arguing over her and all the mistakes that they'd both made in the past. I hoped Ella wouldn't have to grow up like that, especially after everything she had already been through in her little life. I knew that if Ben were still here then that may have been the course of Amelie's life, her parents constantly arguing over what was best for her.