What is this feeling?
What the hell is this feeling?
Its been weeks since they came back from the vacation and the damn man wouldn't leave her mind even for a second. Even when he was working at the hospital and she was stuck in a meeting.
Yet her poor heart wouldn't stop pounding. The image of Ash closing his eyes under her touch as she ran her fingers through his hair wouldn't leave her mind. The image of the way he opened his eyes slightly, giving her small smirk as he pressed his face into her stomach was making it hard for her to focus on what was happening in front of her. Goddamn. She had a company to run and needed to focus.
So she crossed her legs and kept her elbow on the table, trying to get that tempting image out of her mind. She didn't even do anything so why was her whole body craving so much for his touch?
The phone buzzed and she groggily looked at the lit up screen and immediately regretted it.
Ash: I wanna see you.
Her heart did a somersault. See her? What the fuck was with the horrific timing? What does he mean by that? See her how? See her soon? See her now? Was he missing her the way she was missing him? No. That can't be possible. The way she wss missing him can't be summed up without using lust and longing.
Dawn: So what are you going to do about it?
Putting the phone down, she did her best to keep the loud thumping of her heart under check. Turns out that it was impossible because Ash was always on her mind.
The phone buzzed again and she opened the text, totally taken aback by the confident and straight-forward reply.
Ash: I am picking you up in 15 mins.
.
"I wasn't actually expecting you to come." Dawn said as she got into the cab and sat beside him. He held her hand and scooted a little closer. It was unexpected but not unwanted and she really wanted to kiss him.
"You were going to kiss me when I was leaving for work, weren't you?" His question hit her like a truck.
The way his chocolatey brown eyes were fixated on her made her even more excited for some reason. "Yes."
"Then why didn't you?"
"Can't we talk about this once we reach the apartment?" She said, desperately trying to change the topic. "I don't want to give the driver any weird ideas." Although the ideas were weird. Honest and raw but not something she wanted others to know about.
The rest of the drive was a blur. All she remembered was him paying and then them walking towards the door, a little quicker than usual. And the next thing she remembered was him asking,"Why didn't you kiss me?"
She gulped a little, excited and nervous at the same time. "Because you ran off in the middle of our breakfast date."
He ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated,"It was an emergency."
"I know." She put the purse down on the table and sat down on the couch, patting the seat next to her. Taking the hint, he came over and sat down infront of her on the floor, instead of the couch. She was not going to lie, the view of him looking up at her with those fierce eyes was was too tempting.
"So-"
"I understand it was an emergency but that doesn't mean I am not allowed to be mad about it." She bit her lower lip and ran her thumb over his chin. Those lips were way too distracting. "Why are you back so soon?"
"Was done with the emergency case. Rushed back as soon as I could." He held her thumb then gripped her hand. "I am sorry I had to leave like that. For today, I'm all yours. Well technically I am all yours all the time, but my patients do need me."
"Then make it up to me," she stared back into his eyes, matching his fire. If his eyes could drown her, then so be it. The wait, the implications, the cat and mouse game was getting way too stressful.
He placed his hand on her waist, his chin on her lap. Those eyes would be the death of her. "How?"
"The way we used to make up before."
She was sure he understood. There's no way he would ever forget the kisses and flattering they used to do to make up when they fought as teenagers.
"The before leaving for Slateport way or the after leaving for Slateport way?"
She could feel my heart about to jump out of my chest. Oh god. Was he.. "Both." She didn't know where this baseless confidence is coming from but she sure as hell didn't have the liberty or the time to be proper.
The smirk on his face grew wider as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed slight kisses on her lap. The butterflies in her stomach wouldn't stop even though he was kissing her over the skirt. His hand slipped from his waist as he got up, hovering over her and pressed another kiss on her neck and she instinctively arched her neck, wrapping her arms around him. His arms slightly pulled her up and there she was pressed between the couch and him. And she didn't wanna be anywhere else.
His lips on her neck and his hands roaming on her back were sending electricity up her spine and she could feel the whole world spinning around her. He gently bit her neck and she tugged his hair, begging,"Don't leave a mark."
He hummd a little in reply and began kissing her collarbone as his hands went up the shirt and rested on my bra.
Before she could even process anything, he had already unhooked it and pulled her even closer, pressing her against him completely. His breath was so hot on her ears as he whispered, "I can't leave a mark?"
She had to calm her breathing as she almost melted on hearing that voice. "No." She had to attend meeting with delegates. Professionals can't show up with hickeys all over them.
"Even if its on a place no one can see?"
She freed myself a little and stared at him, her mind running blank. Oh my God. She hadn't seen him like this... In years. His eyes made it difficult to deny any requests. Consequences be damned, he was hers to keep. Anything else could wait.
"I guess that's acceptable."
"Dawn," Ash said as he pulled up his boxers and joined her on the bed, wrapping his arms around her. "Yes?" She pulled up the sheets upto her neck, covering them. She could already feel her legs aching. She needed to sleep. They needed to sleep.
"You remember that lighthouse and ship pendant?" Ash pressed a kiss on her temple,"I want to propose you in a lighthouse."
She sat up straight, the covers falling off and he had to tear his eyes away from the majestic view to her face, which looked like deer in headlights.
"What?!"
"Before you freak out," He pulled her back into his embrace, with her facing him. She never looked so ethereal before. "I know you're not okay with public proposals. So was just asking if you'll be okay?"
She couldn't form words. She tried to break away from him, almost Iike a lunatic and he could swear he messed up badly. "Dawn.."
"No no," She pressed a kiss on his cheek,"Give me a minute." She rolled over and hastily put his tshirt over her naked body and then began to rummage through the drawers. Ash followed her every step and slowly got out of the bed, making his way over to her.
"Are you looking for a gun?" He raised his eyebrows and she shot him a glare.
"Shut up Ash," she went back to the scavenger hunt and her shoulders relaxed when she pulled out a diary.
"Now," She got up and waved the little brown diary. "Remember this?"
The brown diary had Dawn written on it in cursive. His gift to her to celebrate her getting into college. "Still have it I see."
She laughed,"Obviously. These contain a lot of stuff that I wrote down. A lot of unsent letters to you when we were apart. Maybe one day I'll let you read this but this has a section I want to share with you now."
"Okay?" He looked so confused.
"There," She flipped open a page,"Read this one."
He sat down on the bed and she curled up beside him, holding the diary.
"Its been two weeks since we have broken up, it feels weird to address him as my ex. An ex with a hell lot of memories. How did it go from us planning to spending our whole life together to me staring at the phone to see if he called? Pathetic, am I not? Here I was wondering how I would propose him once I was out of college and all seems a fever dream now. Maybe if we stayed, I would love to take him out on a ship to a lighthouse. Propose to him there with sloppy written notes that how like a ship, I found my way back to him. How he saved me so many times. How do I tear down all the dreams we had built together? All I can-" She pulled the book out of his hands,"Now that's enough. See, when you told me about the lighthouse I was instantly teleported to that night and I was like, whaaaaat?" "Can't I read the whole thing?"
She didn't know what to say,"I don't know love. These diary entries are unsent letters. My darkest thoughts at one of the darkest points in my life. I don't want you to read these and think damn she was crazy and-"
He pressed a kiss on her forehead,"You're my crazy. I don't want to pressure you to share these. Its alright. If someday you can, we can go through this together. I promise not to judge you."
A heavy feeling enveloped her and she put the diary away, and wrapped her arms around his body, inhaling his scent. "What I wanted to say is yes, I would say yes to you no matter where you propose to me. Or where we end up getting married. You want to do a small wedding, no problem. You want to do a big one. No problem. You just want to get married legally. No problem. I don't care because its you. If I can spend my life with you, I don't care what we went through or what happened or what might happen."
Ash laughed,"Come on, hush, no need to be so sappy."
"You can't blame me." She hit his chest,"I just want my family and friends to be there when we get married. Anything else doesn't matter."
"And your Dad?" He asked and could feel her stiffen in his arms. Shit. What a way to destroy a moment.
"No, maybe."
"So, you really don't want to invite your Dad to this?"
"Why would you even think I would invite...him and his mistress?!"
Ash let out a sigh. "Babe. Come on. He is your Dad and that woman is his wife now. It is okay."
"No," Dawn groaned,"I don't want to see his face on my wedding day. No. No. No."
"And what about Hannah? Won't she feel bad if you exclude her parents?"
Dawn thought about it. Yes. He did have a point. And a good one too. She loved her little sister and didn't want to hurt her either. But...was it really worth it? Would she be able to handle him for hours? She didn't know. She picked up the diary and kept it away, holding the dresser to calm herself down. How could he bring him up at a moment like this?
"I don't know if I will be okay with him being there.." Dawn trailed off,"Like, you know, seeing him always makes me so mad and frustrated. I don't want to be frustrated and grumpy when I'm going to walk into the new phrase of my life."
"Yeah," Ash walked over to where she was and wrapped his arms around her, hiding his face in the crook of her neck. "But he is trying to mend this relationship, right? You have to meet him halfway Babe."
Dawn wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest, humming. He was right. But….
"And Dawn, see," Ash broke the hug and cupped her face,"I am going to be there. Your mom would be there. Our friends would be there. If you feel sad or irritated or angry or you know, anything, we will support you all the way through."
For a moment, Dawn forgot how to breathe. Him, staring at her and only her, making her believe that she is the only thing that mattered to him at this moment and he would do his best to make sure she was comfortable and happy, made her heart ache with so much adoration and joy that she couldn't put it into words. "You're stuck with a high maintenance girl, aren't you?"
"I am not complaining."
"Idiot," She laughed a little and pinched his nose. Yes, this was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
"And I get it. You really don't want to invite your Dad to this. And I respect it. Its just, you know, even after everything he is family. You will forever be tied to him no matter what you do."
Dawn paused, thinking hard for a while. On one hand, she wanted to let go of all the things which had been holding her back but on the other hand, she didn't want to give her father the satisfaction of knowing that she was finally over it. She couldn't forget the strain he had put on her during her childhood days but yeah, she did forgive him for those. She nodded and broke the hug, sitting down on the couch, deep in thought. Ash brushed a loose strand of hair which was on her face and kissed the top of her forehead before sitting on the seat opposite to her.
"I don't think I can ever meet him halfway," Dawn bit her lips as she said that. Ash nodded, understanding it to the fullest. "But yeah, you're right. He is trying. He is trying his best to make it up and even though I don't want him to wiggle his way back into my life, I am a little happy that he trying to patch up the relationship we shared."
Ash nodded. Dawn let out a small sigh and then smiled at him. "Ash.."
"Hmm?"
"I understand your point of view but you know.."
Ash let out a chuckle,"Yes. I know. And it's okay."
"I mean, I don't want to exclude Hannah from myself and me acting hostile towards Dad won't help either. It's a nightmare."
"We have time. We will figure this out."
Dawn smiled. Whenever he used the word 'we' while referring to the problems she was facing, her heart would just go into overdrive. Long gone was the stubbornness he had when he was a teen. Now all she could she was the man who was willing to talk things out calmly and make amends.
He was definitely the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Maybe if they had talked and sorted out things like this before, the gruesome heartbreak wouldn't have happened.
But he was with her, even after all they had been through and she really couldn't ask for more. This was enough.
Yeah, coming to this point took a lot of going round and round in circles and she was lost on the way too. The years she had spent yearning for him while tracing the steps to find out where she went wrong helped her reach here today and she is grateful. Yeah, she can never forget about what her Dad did but you can forgive yet still not forget about things. And that's totally okay.
"Screw that. We will invite him."
Ash raised an eyebrow, making her laugh at his face. The poor guy looked so clueless.
"Ash, it's fine." Dawn got up and walked over to him, sitting in front of him on the floor as she wrapped her fingers around his. "You are right. The wedding is going to be one of the most important days of our lives and I don't want to look back at this day and think about how petty I was."
"Are you sure?"
"Oh hell yeah! Definitely." She pressed a kiss on the back of his hand, smiling.
No matter how much she looked at him, it would never be enough. How could someone be so immature yet mature, so childish yet grown-up at the same time? He was acting like a goof just a minute ago and now he was so calm, collected and patient. "Look at us," She tried to ease him,"We haven't even proposed to each other yet we are already planning our wedding."
"I mean," He laughed and pinched her nose,"I do have a ring selected. Didn't know why but I blurted out I wanted to marry you without even having the ring to go down on one knee. Been thinking about this since we were at Mt. Silver."
"Its alright." She pulled him up and gave him a long kiss on his lips,"We should sleep. I am so tired and I know you are too."
"What?" He moaned into her lips,"No almost proposed so we need to have sex?"
She smacked his chest,"Maybe. But I am sore from doing on the couch and a bed sounds tempting."
"Noted." He picked her up which left her giggling and put her on the bed. She saw him hovering over her and pulled him close, laughing,"Can't wait to marry you one day."
"Me too."
Definitely didn't wanna rush this story. Nope. Nadda. The lighthouse scene was supposed to more elaborate. The marriage talk too but this had been in my drafts for so long that I forgot what I was going to write.
Sorry about that. This year has been a rollercoaster. I got a job, which I had been working so hard for so that's a new chapter in my life. Personal life took a big blow and I guess I needed to vent somewhere. I mentioned something called "Unsent Letters" in this story. I might write a one shot about what that was about but it all depends on how much I can handle without shutting down lol. Sorry if you expected more bang and boom from this. Atleast some ending is better than no ending. Sorry for dragging this so much. Fanfiction has been giving me sheet, couldn't upload this document and I have been trying for an hour ... the audacity. I mean I know I've been away for years but this was torture to upload ~ DarkestLightOfHope