Total Drama Homespun

by NondescriptNorbert

New Season, Old faces! A certain mildly-psychotic host has returned to the game after a season's absence. How does he plan to celebrate you ask? Simple! Gather Twenty-Three contestants from across reality and throw the greatest house party known to man. Spinoff of Total Drama Endless, new reader friendly.

10. FanCampstic Voyage

Homespun Episode Five: FanCampstic Voyage

...

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Welcome back everyone! Let's get right into it today shall we?

1602jaw:

Always of course glad you enjoyed the chapter. As previously established The Rodney House can make most anything, but every intelligent being you meet inside it is a machine. Alucard was definitely lying pretty low last chapter, but trust me, that's about to change.

G-Man 2.0:

Olivia is of course, very excited her friend Entrapta's become an intern, almost suspiciously so... but that's all I'll chance to say for now.

That Guy:

Despite the fact they've been constantly winning, the Ordinals really are made of that sort of plucky underdog energy. Lot of really fun characters in that team and writing them as a group is a blast. They might have to learn to adapt though it they want to make this last in the long run, especially with a new captain amongst the Supertasks.

MemeKing the Third:

Very glad you approved of Mothman, may or may not have given him a big role with you in mind. Since he's normally such an ominous figure I figure they're some untapped comedic potential in subverting that. Researching the other cryptids was a lot of fun to. Doing my research on She-Ra made me see why people like Entrapta so much, to the extent that I didn't want Total Drama to ruin her wide-eyed innocence. Making her an intern was the compromise.

Happiness Studios:

I'm happy you enjoyed last episode so much. Understandable to complain that Vultureman and Alucard weren't helping enough. It's of course always difficult writing very powerful characters. My rationality was they only really care to pitch in when asked. Entrapta as an Intern is going to open up a lot of very fun interactions with the staff. Also she and Rodney get to bond more, which is always a plus.

DrunkenDonuts:

Much obliged for the very flattering review Donuts! Steve is absolutely thinking of Sheriff Hopper by putting as much trust as he does in Tenpenny. Bruce is beginning to shed some layers to us the audience at least. His arc will be a big display of dramatic irony (Not the only one in the season might I add) Just because we know exactly what he's hiding doesn't mean the others do, or that he'll be more likely to share. Bruce is an emotionally closed-off man, dependent on his public persona, seeing him trapped in it though is a unique angle on Wayne that really drew me into the idea of taking a crack at writing this iconic character.

Plot points are starting to build upon each other, and yet there's a lot more to come.

...

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...

"Last time on Total Drama Homespun," Chris begins. "Our twenty remaining contestants took a gamble on an odd job, heisting some hard-to-find goods. Delving into the most exotic of wild animal trades and infiltrating the private cryptid zoo of the Rodney House's greatest crook, Mr. Crypt. Who as it turned out, actually wasn't Chef in disguise. Could have fooled me.

After letting him mope for an episode over his eliminated girlfriend, the Ordinals captain Fry put on his A-game. The Supertasks meanwhile, still operating without leadership decided to place their faith in Bruce Wayne, which turned out almost suspiciously poorly. Almost like the guy's holding out on them or something. Fortunately for him Entrapta made an even bigger mess of things and put a target on herself, fortunately for her Conner's repugnant blob slave had the leave the show, and Entrapta gets to fill his place as Homespun's newest intern.

Finally, on the topic of vacancy, the title of Supertask team captain is no longer empty, as at last elimination Officer Tenpenny suggested they vote in a new one. The winner? Himself of course.

Can he do a better job at it than Leela? You're about to find out.

…

Evening is an arbitrary thing in the Rodney House. With every room its own environment conventional timekeeping can feel rather irrelevant.

Yet all the same, by the loose definition of the clock on the wall of the cafeteria, the Ordinals are up late.

The team is gathered around Zelda, currently holding their cabin customization tablet. The Princess seems a natural with the touch screen. Most of her teammates were greatly surprised to hear that her seemingly myth-shrouded Kingdom of Hyrule had adopted that level of technology long ago.

"That's everything." She declares, holding down a thumb onto the confirm button. "All that's left is to see what it looks like in person."

They open the door to their cabin and lapse into a chorus of ohs and ahs. Three straight victories had given them a bounty of house points, and they'd been doing wonders for the Ordinals' living space.

It still resembled a cabin, but over the course of the last two days, the room had expanded to be about twice the size and had grown a second level. They had two bathrooms, his and hers, both of which were the nicest parts of the space. The bunk beds were still modest but were improving, with more quilts and pillows and little notes here or there of personality for each of them. There were also only five bunk beds now, down from six. Alucard and Vultureman had been given their own unique sleeping arrangements. The vampire a crude wooden casket and Vultureman a large hammock hung from the ceiling for him to roost in.

On the half level above them, there was a growing lounge, with wood tables and chairs, beat-up sofas and an old Vacuum tube TV with one of the older model video game systems from Miko's company, Hinobi. A large window lights the entire space, showing a view of a tranquil mountain lake.

Fry whistles.

"Not bad. No disrespect to Bender's closet, but this is officially nicer than my apartment back in New New York."

"It's nicer than my room," Meg says.

"The base structure of the room is progressing well. We should have nearly all of the essentials by now." Zelda says checking the tablet. "Very soon we'll be able to move on to adding more personal additions."

"…Like some books?" Jack suggests. Zelda's eyes shine with delight.

"Yes! That'd be excellent!"

"Or… even better a bigger TV," Fry says.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Miko agrees.

"Don't let the luxuries go to your head," Guzma warns. "We need to stay focused on winning tournaments."

"Just so long as McLean doesn't decide to take away our half-decent space again it'll be fine," Shego says flopping down on her bunk and closing her eyes. "If things stay like this the whole game, I'm happy."

"Really Shego? I didn't think you felt happiness?" Katara teases. Shego opens her eyes and glares at the girl.

"Maybe we should give some extra blankets to the other guys?" Fry says thoughtfully. Shego's ire turns his way.

"What? No!"

"They're the competition!" Guzma says sharply.

"They were Leela's team though," Fry says.

"CAW! No minions of the GREAT AND MIGHTY VULTUREMAN shall take pity on those weaker than them!" Squawks the great bird from his perch.

"Quiet down, all of you," Katara says. "Fry's right, maybe we should do the right thing and help them out. The Supertasks have been stuck in their awful cabin all game. I'm sure they could use a break."

"They outplay us tomorrow because they were well rested, I know who I'm blaming," Guzma warns. Katara shrugs indifferently.

"I can live with that risk."

She, Fry, Zelda, Jack and Meg gather some extra linens and cross back into the cafeteria.

"Is it emptier in here than usual?" Meg asks.

The room seems to be down several lunch tables. As if to confirm their suspicions, several members of the Supertasks emerge from their cabin and begin dragging off another table.

"What are you guys doing?" Fry asks.

"Moving the tables into our cabin what else?" Herlock insists.

"Oh uh okay?" Fry says confused. "Do you guys need blankets?"

"Sure. That's very kind of you." Bruce huffs, hoisting the heavy piece of furniture.

"Are you stealing the mess hall stuff for your cabin?" Katara asks.

"…and the pool deck stuff from that resort yesterday," Max adds helpfully.

"You're not concerned what our host will think?" Zelda asks.

"It's fine," Olivia insists. "Rodney has infinitely more furniture, I'm sure he won't mind."

"Besides…" Steve says. "Captain says we got to start taking initiative about our shit cabin."

Fry blinks.

"Wait? Captain? Leela's not back, is she?"

"Nah Leela's a thing of the past.

Tenpenny emerges from the Supertasks cabin, smirking down at the Ordinals.

"We got a new captain," He says thrusting two thumbs at his chest. "This fine as ****** right here."

"So you're the new Leela then?"

"Negatory. I'm the better Leela."

Fry almost looks offended then seems to mellow.

"Sir. That's impossible. Leela's already the better Leela and the best Leela. But if you're the one taking over her team, then I have to respect that."

He offers Tenpenny a hand.

"Congratulations… and good luck."

Tenpenny raises both eyebrows then accepts Fry's handshake.

"Very sporting of you Fry. I appreciate it. I just hope you stay this understanding when us Supertasks start beating your ass."

That remark gets a chorus of defensive jeers from the Ordinals in the room. Fry grins.

"We'll believe when we see it."

"You got to lose sometime man!" Steve counters.

Tenpenny folds his arms.

"The Harrington makes a good point Fry. Sooner or later your group's going to find out what losing's like. Seeing your teammates go home, one after the other."

He locks eyes with the other captain.

"We lost Entrapta couple hours ago. Sweet kid, now we'll never see her again."

"Hello!"

A familiar lilac haired bounds up from behind the cafeteria counter. Several contestants yelp with fright. Tenpenny's normally unshakable confidence is momentarily shattered and he's left stammering.

"En-Entrapta!?"

"Hi!"

"Girl, the fuck you doing back here!?"

"Oh, I work here now," Entrapta says causally.

"What?" Cry several contestants. Entrapta beams.

"Rodney was so reluctant to see me go, and with Jeremy leaving they were going to be short a staff member, so we agreed to a solution that made everyone happy!"

"'Trapta that's fantastic news. I'm so happy to hear that," Olivia says emphatically.

"My training with the other Princesses begins tomorrow," Entrapta says happily. "In the meantime, Chef sent me down here to close up the kitchen. Oh! And gently ask my old team to stop stealing his things please?"

"The resort fair game?" Tenpenny asks. Entrapta shrugs. Tenpenny sighs, then nods to his team. They drop the table.

"So be it," He says. "We'll just have to be triple sure we win tomorrow."

"We're going to!"

"Damn right, we will Steve!"

"Try as hard as you want. Our team doesn't plan on losing any time soon." Katara promises.

"Yeah! What she said!" Fry says.

Tenpenny smirks, his confident back.

"May the best team win Fry."

…

There's no pool to land in the next morning. Rather the contestants' abrupt awakening comes in the form of the shrill call of a bugle. Both teams emerge onto their steps.

Their surroundings this is a large cave coated in brilliant lilac-coloured crystals as if the two camp cabins had been placed into a giant geode.

The staff, now sans Jermey and including Entrapta, are waiting for them. At odds with the current industrial landscape are Chris, Chef, Daisy and Peach, all dressed as US National Park rangers. Daisy looks rather winded, having just lowered the bugle from her lips.

"Morning campers!" Chris cries chipperly.

"Don't you mean houseguest?" Jack asks.

"Nope!" Their host says merrily. "Not today. Today will be all about returning to Total Drama's roots. You're all going for a nice team bonding camping trip in an American National Park."

"How tame," Olivia says.

"Yeah… too tame," Steve says squinting. "I'm onto you McLean. What's the weird thing?"

"What weird thing?"

"Dude, there's always a weird thing about the challenges around here."

"Oh, that weird thing." Chris laughs. "Yeah… Come see for yourselves, it's a good one."

"Called it," Steve says quietly.

Chris leads them out of the fluorescent maze and through a flowery meadow before an out-of-place wooden doorframe leads them into a large gondola. The scenery surrounding them semi-arid.

"Welcome cow folk to West Texas!" Chris says. "Or at least the House's interpretation of it."

"Is this the park?" Jack asks.

"Not much in regards to landscaping," Elizabeth comments.

"This isn't the park," Chris informs them. "Look down, you'll see it in a sec."

The gondola sputters to life, descending into a vast crater, the contestants peer into it, several of them cry out and recoil from the windows.

There, spanning the bottom of the massive crater is a vast red mass of organic tissue. At its centre is an opening someone's built an elevator shaft into.

"What is that thing?" Katara asks a gasp.

"That," Chris says gleefully. "Is the Permian Basin Superorganism. The National Park you'll be camping in is inside it!"

Several contestants look deeply disturbed.

"Called it!" Steve cries.

…

It's a twenty-minute elevator ride into the superorganism. Most of the cast spend it in stunned silence. Only Chris speaks.

"Scenic Mystery Flesh Pit National Park is depending on your universe a former United States federally designated national park that operated between 1980 and 2007 or a Horror worldbuilding project developed in 2019 by artist Trevor Roberts."

"I don't like how casually you dropped the word horror into that," Wallace notes with a terse sip of his cosmopolitan

"So this place really existed somewhere?" Meg asks torn between curiosity and disgust. Rodney chortles.

"Well, everything exists somewhere in the multiverse my dear, my own wonders are no exception. But in this case, Christopher asked me to purposely recreate a pre-existing concept, and in my humble opinion I think the House Algorithm has done so expertly. Recreating the defunct park down to the smallest detail."

An automatic voice message plays welcoming them to something called the "Lower Visitor's Center" as the elevator doors open.

They've entered into a vast circular building of glass and steel. Windows on the slanted ceiling show the walls of flesh beyond, illuminated by floodlights. The entry building seems suspended in the pit, though walkways lead to flat 'ground'.

"I might regret asking but how far down does the pit go?" Bruce says.

"No one knows," Chris says. "Also, despite the name, it's not a pit, it's a mouth."

Again, half the contestants recoil. Miko though looks strangely relieved.

"Oooooooh. Okay cool. It's a mouth. I thought it was something different."

Several people glance at her.

"Miko, you seriously thought we were going to make you camp in a monster's anus?" Conner asks scandalized.

"Sorta."

"That's barbaric! Even by Chris's standards."

"We're not going to be digested though, right?" Fry asks. Chris shrugs.

"I mean you never know. It's a possibility. Might make this challenge interesting."

"Oh, Chris do stop," Peach says before giving the contestants a kind look. "I'm sure he's only teasing."

"No, I'm being totally for real about that dude," Chris assures everything. "But seriously, you'll be fine if you stay on the trails… probably."

He tosses Fry and Tenpenny each a map of the park.

"Other than that, rules are very simple. This is basically a repeat of the camping challenge in season one. Each team is going to hike out to their camping spot, spend the night then report back here at the visitor centre at 6 am tomorrow morning. First team back wins immunity."

"Already looking forward to it." Tenpenny smiles.

"Supertasks since you've been losing so badly Conner suggested we give you a potential for a break today," Chris says. "So while the Ordinals will be hoofing it on foot, you guys will be getting your own private transport!"

The Ordinals groan while their opponents look cautiously optimistic.

"What kind of transport?" Asks Tenpenny."

"Over in the real version of the pit they invented a special kind of vehicle called a Venterial Environment Excursion Vehicle or VEEV to get around this place with ease."

"Yeah?" Steve asks.

"Yeah," Chris says. "You're not getting one of those, in fact, if you see any in the park, they're off-limits. Instead, we're giving you that beauty! Perfect for a family vacation!"

He gestures outside to where a mid-70s wood-trimmed station wagon laden with a top rack of suitcases is awaiting them.

"Uh Chris, that doesn't exactly look like the type of vehicle that'd do well down here?" Tenpenny says.

"It isn't!" Chris laughs. "Oh, and it doesn't have air conditioning either."

"Why's that matter?" Penny asks.

"Because the average temperature down here is 98.6°F with 100% humidity," Conner tells them.

Most of the cast groans in dismay. Wallace sips his cosmopolitan blithely.

"That's 37 degrees Celsius for all us civilized folk." Chris clarified.

Wallace nearly chokes on his drink.

"Holy hell that's hot."

Chris chuckles then tosses him his pack. Chef gives his to the Supertasks.

"Everything you need to survive is in here. Again, you should be fine, just don't feed the wildlife."

"What do you mean wildlife?" Steve says suddenly. "There's not other things in here with us are there?"

Chris has already turned to leave.

"Happy trails campers!"

He and the other staff retreat back to the elevator. The doors close on the contestants watching them with that same mix of emotions most challenges begin with, excitement, apprehension, mild confusion, and a growing disdain for their primary host.

"You don't need to tease them so much." Peach scolds gently. "It can be scary being dropped into a new world like that."

"They'll be fine." Chris insists. "Rodney's rules are nothing overtly dangerous in his house."

"Quite right Christopher." Rodney concurs. Then he pauses. "Though I should clarify-"

"Yeah, yeah. We'll talk about it later. You guys are going to show Entrapta around right."

"Oh, I'd love that!" Entrapta squeals.

"Yes, you're right Chris, we should be off," Peach agrees, taking off her ranger hat. "Come now Entrapta, just wait for me and Daisy to change and then the three of us, Rosie and Rodney will all go on a little adventure of our own."

"Can it be a science adventure?" Entrapta asks.

"I'd be insulted if it wasn't." Rodney chortles.

Entrapta giggles like a schoolgirl.

…

Two things become very clear once the Supertasks hopped in their Station Wagon and embarked.

Firstly, Chris's sense of humour was worse than they had thought.

Secondly, the trails and pathways of the Mystery Flesh Pit National Park truly weren't made for the average family vehicle.

The passages are narrow and winding, clearly artificially cut through the beast. Its red flesh pulses against metal frames in the near darkness. Everything down here is in twilight, scarcely lit but little human bulbs and the car's headlamps. Even by the standards of the rest of the house, It's an alien environment. Divorced from normal reality. Yet all the same they pass cheerful signage, garbage cans, and discarded water bottles, reminders that even this place had been encroached on by the modern world.

Or at least, the real version had. Here in the Rodney House, all this was just set dressing. In truth, they were like in the case of every challenge, standing someone had ever been and hadn't so much as existed yesterday.

The Station Wagon has two seats up front and three benches in a U shape in the back. It's not ideal but they've managed to fit all nine of them in the car. Though doing so is an unpleasant reminder of how much their teams already shrunk.

"How ya'll doing back there?" Tenpenny asks from the driver's seat, raising his voice to call over the radio playing classic road trip songs.

"Sort of cramped and a smidge on the warm side," Penny reports.

"Still beats walking," Steve says.

"God damn right it does Steve." Tenpenny agrees firmly. "God damn right it does."

"I don't think this car is going to last another twenty-four hours thought," Bruce notes.

"So what if it doesn't?" Tenpenny asks. "Shit? It doesn't matter. We're still saving energy using it. We get to our camp spot and rest up, we'll be fully able to beat those fucking Ordinals tomorrow."

"Nice to hear you've been putting some thought into this," Olivia notes. Tenpenny scoffs, sounding almost offended.

"Course I have! Part of being captain. From now on we always going to have a plan, and we're never gonna lose mother fucker!"

"I hope you're right," Bruce says uncertainly.

"I'd bet my life on it Wayne," Tenpenny insists. "Honest to god, I'm so confident we going to win today you can vote me out if we don't. Shit, I almost want you to do it."

"Alright, but I'll hold you do that," Max promised.

"Seems a little premature little buddy," Sam says.

"Whaaaat? Can a lagomorph take advantage of a little guilt-free elimination of the competition?"

"I'm surprised you of all people feel guilt about the eliminations going on around here."

"I mean I haven't yet but I might one day."

…

"…Did you know…" Jack reads, shuffling through an armful of fliers. "…that the discovery of the Permian Basin Superorganism in 1973 led to the invention of several new fields of science including geobiology and venteriobiology?"

"Wow, did you know that really isn't interesting?" blurts out Shego. "Do you people have to read out loud?"

"The girls asked if I could," Jack says.

"Your worlds seem to have a different writing script than Hylian, and though it pains to admit it I find myself struggling to adapt," Zelda says.

"You guys write differently than they do in my world too," Katara says. "Although I showed some characters to Jack and Miko and apparently they are used where you're all from… I think Miko called it Chinese? Whatever that is?"

"I've got a Chinese friend back home, Amy Wong," Fry says. "Her family owns half of Mars."

"That's nice Fry," Katara says. "I don't know what Mars is either."

"It's the fourth planet in our Solar system," Says Jack helpfully. Katara smiles at him.

"Thank you, Jack. See Shego? He's being a helpful ambassador to your culture, unlike some people."

"What would have been helpful is if you people hadn't wasted all that time in the gift shop," Guzma grumbles.

"Gift shop was great, there was a bunch of cool crap and everything was free!" Meg says. Miko eyes her.

"Yo! Megabyte! Whatcha got? Show me the haul."

Meg's arms are full of white soda cans with pink labelling. "Coke Heartthrob," She says merrily. "They're really good. Want one?"

"Toss one to me!"

Meg throws her one, and Miko catches it and inspects the can.

"Meg this has…. Amniotic ballast in it? The heck is that?"

"Apparently they harvest it from the monster," Meg says cheerfully.

Miko throws away her can at once, some of the others give a strange look.

"Whoa, hang on. She's drinking something that's made from the monster?" Shego says.

Fry shrugs.

"Yeah. So what?"

"I don't know? It's disgusting!?"

"Slurm's made from the juices of a giant monster, and it's the biggest soda around in the 31st century."

Shego stares at him for a second then folds her arms.

"Wow. I didn't think I could hate you people more than I already did."

"Come on, don't be like that Shego," Fry insists. "You know what'd cheer you up?"

"Dare I ask?" Shego snarks. A moment later there's a felt puppet of a miner with a comically big nose peeking up at her from around her shoulder.

"Hi there Shego!" Mimes Fry. "My name's Caver Coop! Did you know the Mystery Flesh Pit's largest critter in Texas?"

"Get that thing off my arm before I make you lose yours," Shego snarls through gritted teeth. Fry draws back fearfully.

"She really is like all the worse parts of the worse people I know got together and had a baby," Wallace observes.

"No kidding. What does it say when the actual monsters aren't the worst people on the team," Katara says, grinning apologetically behind her. "No offense Vultureman, or you Alucard."

Vultureman bristles slightly. Alucard however seems not to be paying attention to the others.

"Is everything all right?" Zelda asks.

"I don't like this place." The vampire says, his usual indifference replaced by a troubled expression. "This monster, it's an abomination. A disgusting perversion of the natural order determined by God."

"Chill dude, it's just part of the House." Miko insists.

Now that they're still, some of the intra-pit wildlife has emerged. Everything in here strangely adapted to their sightless environment, like sea creatures dwelling on the abyssal plains of the ocean floor.

Bioluminescent Macrobacteria, glowing germs the size of large dogs crawl across the mucus-coated fissures, tendrils probing for eatable debris. Exotic fungi proliferate from the walls.

Occasionally something more elusive slithers or flies past their lights, strange worms and misshaped organisms far removed from normal biology.

"In a nightmary sort of way it's kind of pretty," Katara admits, watching one of the Marcobacteria lumber past. "I can almost see why people would be crazy enough to vacation in a giant monster." She pauses. "Almost."

"You really think this garbage is beautiful?" Alucard asks. "You really think there's anything in this abomination that's of value?"

"So uh… You sure you're good dude?" Miko asks tentatively. "Going down at all? No chance of like, eating your team in our sleep right?"

"I'm not used to letting something this disgusting survive, and the blood running through the walls. It reminds me painfully of the fact I hadn't been able to feed since I arrived."

"O-Okay cool. Just so long as you're not thinking about feeding on us."

Miko laughs then pauses.

"…You're not thinking about that right."

Alucard turns to face her. His expression as always looks deeply predatory, never in a human way mind you. Alucard's gaze seemed more the way a wolf would regard a lamb.

"Fortunately for you, I promised my master, Sir Integra I'd be on my best behaviour while I was away. But if I hadn't then I doubt I'd bother with the likes of this so-called team of children and cowards. You'd all die too quickly to make it an interesting hunt. Besides…"

An Inhuman shriek echoes off from the distance. Alucard jerks his head towards it and grins.

"Sounds like they're far more interesting things to hunt here anyway."

The others eye him uneasily.

"Can you manage to hold yourself together until the challenge is done?" Jack asks nervously.

Alucard grins most unpleasantly.

"As usual I suppose I'll merely have to contain myself."

"Uh, okay good, keep us posted how that goes," Fry says.

"I mean worst-case scenario we could feed him the kid," Shego says with a dark smile at Jack. Katara glares at her.

"Not funny Shego!"

Guzma grumbles.

"This is going to be a long trip."

They keep moving, as they do, something scuttles past in the darkness of the trail, Alcuard's eyes following it as it does.

The vampire grins hungrily.
…

Entrapta and Rosalina have returned to the staff quarters, the same needlessly opulent mansion/resort the contestant had been allowed to stay in the first night. Peach and Daisy return from a changing room, back in their usual gowns. Rodney notably absent.

"Kindly Mister Rodney will be joining us later," Peach dutifully informs them. "He says he has some experiments to attend to, but that he's terribly sorry to be missing part of your tour."

"That's alright!" Entrapta insists cheerfully. "Tell me, do a lot of experiments happen here? Can we do our own?"

"The entirety of this space is Rodney's experiment," Rosalina says. "However, our duties aren't to serve the house, it's quite self-sufficient. We are here to help with the contest."

"But Rodney said that if you do an extra good job, he may want you to help with his research," Peach says with a wink.

Entrapta squeaks and claps her hands.

"In the meantime, though, you have to hang out with us Princesses," Daisy tells her.

"Oh, I'm used to that," Entrapta says. "I was part of the Princess Alliance back home as well."

"You sure you're a princess?" Daisy asks skeptically.

"Daisy!" Peach scolds.

"What? She doesn't look like a princess! No gown or crown or anything."

"I'm not really a hat person," Entrapta says.

"You got any of the other stuff you're supposed to? Like a kingdom and a castle and subjects stuff?" Daisy asks.

"I've got those!" Entrapta says. "The Kingdom of Dryl, lovely place, I've got a great lab in the castle, almost as good as Hordak's. I… Wow."

Entrapta's stops suddenly. They've passed a vast window, beyond what could only be described as every vacationer's dream. Sprawling resorts stretch off towards a sun-kissed white sand beach in the distance. Off to the left of them, a snowy mountain bears an opulent ski resort. There's spas and country clubs and yachts in crystal clear

Daisy folds her arms. "Pretty great huh? This is all part of the staff area."

A sliding door leads them to a balcony that flies away as soon as they're on it, carrying them down to the resorts. Entrapta bouncing around from railing to railing, wishing she had more than two eyes to see everything.

"That place over there!" She shouts pointing off to a tall fairy-tale castle with blue tiles on the roofs of its pointed towers. "Is that a replica of your Kingdom?"

Daisy laughs. "What? That over there? No that's one of Chris's things, it's I think a theme park where he's from. Diddy World or something like that was the name of it. Chris said it's been his dream since he was little to have that place all to himself and keep everyone else out."

"Fascinating!"

"Kind of is huh? Most of this stuff was Chris's idea. I appreciate that guy's hustle. He's got the chance to dream up anything he could ever want and by golly, he's gonna live that out to the fullest."

"Conner was complaining about that before some of you arose," Rosalina notes. "He accused Christopher of taking the richness of Kindly Mr Rodney's project and reducing it to… South Florida. Whatever that may be?"

"Conner and Chris, They seem nice so far. How are they as masters?" Entrapta asks.

"Tons of fun," Daisy says.

"They may seem, a bit overwhelming, but they're very good people at heart," Peach says.

"I reserve judgment on them until I can better understand the nature of what lays at their hearts," Says Rosalina. "Rodney I'm already very fond of. I see a great deal of myself in him."

Daisy laughs.

"No kidding Rosie, you're like the Rodney of our world with that Observatory setup."

Entrapta gasps.

"Are you another of Rodney's kindred spirits?"

Rosalina regards the princess, then a shy, yet very sincere smile breaks through her normally stoic expression.

"I suppose I might be… yes."

They're balcony lands in the middle of a square between two massive resorts. Peach leads them forward, her hands clasped behind her, posed with graceful discipline.

"Our purpose as interns is very simple, we are to be ready to help keep contestants happy and healthy and the games running smoothly, so that this will be a delightfully fun adventure for everyone! That means always being ready for whatever the games require from us."

"So far that's mostly been me and Peachy here dressing up in cute costumes," Daisy says.

"That's nice, but playing dress up isn't really my thing."

"That's okay, Rosie hasn't been doing it either, even though she always says she will."

Rosalina blushes slightly. "I've been summoning my celestial courage…"

"We do more than just dress up, as fun as it is," Peach explains. "We also help plan challenges and keep a watch over them as they happen. Anything truly that our hosts may need from us. Entrapta, I'm sure there'll be plenty of opportunities to put your computer skills into use."

"That'd be great! Also, I know the house doesn't need maintenance. But if there's anything at all I could give a tune-up too."

Peach giggles.

"That's alright Entrapta, we have plenty of volunteers for that sort of thing."

She opens a door to one of the vast hotels. Instead of a lobby, they've entered a vast barracks. Hundreds of multilevel bunk beds tower above them. Up and around them scurry Toads in their hundreds. The entirety of Peach's subjects are running about, busying themselves with one thing or another.

"My beloved little toads have been very helpful so far," Peach says. "Anything we need many little hands with they're always happy as ever to volunteer."

Several toads run up to their princess yiping and cheering like a pack of golden retrievers greeting their master. Peach laughs joylessly.

"Oh, I'm so happy to have them all here with me! We miss one another so dearly when we're apart."

A toad with red spots on his cap and a blue vest comes running. He stops short of Peach and salutes.

"Everyone happy and accounted for Princess!"

"Oh, that's wonderful."

She turns to Entrapta.

"This is my loyal assistant, Toad."

Entrapta makes a puzzled expression and scratches her head with her pigtail.

"Ah… I see… No, wait. No I don't. Is the species called toad, or is it just this one called toad, or are all of them toads, but also named Toad?"

"You got it!" Toad says.

"Oh goodie, I'm terrible with people names, this will make things much easier. So Toad, why do you get to be the special assistant?"

"Communication skills," Toad says honestly.

A little flash of pink emerges from the crowd next to Toad.

"Entrapta I believe you met Toadette yesterday?" Peach asks.

"Hi there." The little female toad says, much more bashful today than she was earlier.

"Sorry about going so hard on you during the challenge, I take games very seriously."

"That's okay, we had fun." Entrapta insists cheerfully. Toadette visibly brightens.

Amongst the crowd of toads, a parade of five in khaki adventurer uniforms goes marching past.

"Bravery is a very hard time for my dear little toads. Yet all of them are always trying their best. None more so than Captain Toad and his Toad Brigade. Rosalina could tell you all about their adventures out amongst the stars."

The Toad Brigade marches past a group of toads carrying spears. They salute each other. The spear carriers do so with slight dejection.

"…No one takes my absences as hard as my poor little Royal Guard. Dear things, I've tried to tell them that none of my kidnappings have been their fault. Unfortunately, I don't think they've taken it to heart yet. I find though, my baking can usually lift their spirits for a while."

Besides the little guards, a yellow-capped toad and a blue-capped toad seem to be in the midst of a spirited conversation held entirely in their own limited dialect.

"Blue and Yellow Toad are dear friends of mine. They've gone with the Mario brothers to rescue me on more than one occasion."

"So many toads…" Entrapta marvels. "I don't have nearly this many subjects."

"Ah, good show! Is that the new Princess I hear?"

There comes an old posh accent from behind them. Entrapta for a moment thinks Rodney's finally joined them. However, when she looks, she sees not the squirrel but another toad. This one the most distinct by far. His cap is cream-coloured with brown spots, round spectacles and a handlebar moustache white with age adorns his face, he's also more poshly dressed than the other toads, wearing a three-piece vest of blue and gold.

"By Jove so it is. How nice to meet you, my dear,"

"Hello new friend," Entrapta says. Extending a pigtail for him to sake. "Who are you?"

"This Entrapta, Is Toadworth," Peach explains. "He's someone very near and dear to me."

The toad beams up at her proudly.

"You flatter me, my dear. I have been the Princess's caretaker for over a quarter century now. It's been my solemn duty to look after her on behalf of the Mushroom Royal Family since the storks first delivered her to us all those years ago. While I can't take credit for most of it I am extraordinarily proud of the young woman she's become."

Peach's cheeks flush red and she casts her eyes down humbly.

Toadsworth casts his old eyes to Daisy. "This boisterous young spirit I've known nearly as long."

Daisy laughs.

"I used to drive him nuts as a kid. Said I used to corrupt Peachy."

Toadsworth's mustache twitches.

"Well, I… I don't believe I was ever quite so blunt on the matter."

"Yeah, you were! That time I stayed over at the castle for a week when we were kids and we got into the kitchen? Man! I thought you were going to set me to Game Over Toady." Daisy grins. "You remember don't you Peach?"

"Um yes of course…" Peach says evasively. "Anyways Entrapta as I was saying-"

"Do the interiors around here change a lot?" Entrapta suddenly wonders aloud.

"Basically," Daisy says.

"Good to know. I'll have to be careful where I live thinks. Maybe keep the most important stuff on me."

"Allow me to help with that." Peach quickly says, dragging Entrapta away.

Daisy and Toadsworth exchange a look.

…

Back in the flesh pit, the Ordinals have been taken the scenic route through the superorganism, much to some of the team's chagrin.

"It wasn't bad enough to go through the gift shop, but to we have to stop at every dumb touristy attraction on the way!?" Shego demands.

Her team's stop at what looks like (But clearly can't be) a thermal hot spring. Warm fluid bubbles in a large bath within a fleshy pod the size of a cathedral. There're pool towels and bathmats and all the trappings of a normal spa or pool, lying about as well as a couple of private booths whose purpose seems opaque. The air in here is warmer even than the rest of the creature, with a strange perfume-smelling scene lingering heavy in the air.

"What even is this anyway."

"The Amniotic Thermal Springs," Miko informs her.

"The flyers said it's a must-see," Fry says.

"SQUAWK! VULTUREMAN NEVER EXPECTED TO SEE A HOT SPRING IN THE BELLY OF A GIANT! ELDRICH! HORROR!" Philosophizes their avian ally.

"This game really does introduce you to a lot of new experiences," Katara says.

"What's in the baths?" Wallace asks.

"Amniotic Ballast." Jack reads from his brochure.

"Oh, so the same disgusting monster juice Meg keeps drinking?" Shego asks. "Yeah, great. Because this didn't already seem gross enough."

"More loathsome bile in the belly of an abomination," Alucard says, eyes fixed on the pools.

"If people bathe in it, then it must be safe to drink," Meg says.

"People bathe in the ocean too, that doesn't make seawater palatable." Guzma grunts, He, like Shego, seems deeply put off by the team's behaviour today.

Jack continues reading.

"People say the ballast has healing and medicinal properties. According to this. 'The unique chemical properties of the liquid have been shown in clinical studies to mildly reverse cell degradation due to factors such as cancer or aging. Many park visitors report additional benefits of bathing such as decreased joint pain, healthier skin, weight loss and vision improvement.'"

"See!? It's totally good for you!" She gasps. "Guys! Let's go for a swim!"

"We didn't bring swimsuits," Miko says. Meg giggles.

"Who cares!? Why don't we just skinny dip?"

She starts to lift up her shirt. Katara eases it back down.

"Maybe not the best idea Meg."

Wallace nods to Alucard.

"If it was just me and this guy, then I'd be willing. But all of you? Especially the kid?" He sips his cocktail. "Hard pass."

"Fine, if you don't want any miracle juice I'll keep enjoying my feel-good cola."

"Okay. How many of those have you had?" Shego demands.

"Five…" Meg says dreamily. "Eight, ten… A dozen! Doesn't matter! Everyone just makes the world feel that much better!"

She cracks another can. Shego tried to grab it from her.

"Yeah… you've had enough of that for today."

"Bitch! Let go of my happy juice!" Meg cries.

"Make me!" Shego says. "Hand it over!"

"No!"

"Let go!"

"It's mine!"

With surprising force, Meg sends a foot into Shego's shin, the villainess yelps and hops on foot. Before Meg slugs her in the gut, sending Shego backwards into the pool.

"Jack?" Zelda says suddenly, having gone over to another part of the deck. "There seems to be a warning sight here. Are you certain all the ballast's effects are positive?"

"Let me see…" Jack squints at the brochure. "' A secondary and infamous property of Amniotic Spring Fluid are the psychoactive and aph…' Huh?"

"What huh?" Fry asks.

"I don't know that word," Jack says.

"Let me see that!" Guzma says, snatching the pamphlet from the boy. He inspects it for a second, seems to realize something then hands it back.

"Maybe someone else should read."

"You can't understand their alphabet either huh Guzma?" Katara asks.

"So what if I can't?" Guzma grumbles. "It's just… very different from what we use in the Alola Region."

"Don't worry, the Captain will solve this." Fry proclaims.

He begins to read, then squints, then his eyes grow wide with alarm.

"What it say?" Jack asks.

Fry, already sweating because of the heat suddenly looks even more flushed.

"It's uh… I'll tell you when you're older?"

"Why? What's wrong?" Katara asks.

Fry beacons her, Zelda and Miko over and whispers something in their ears. They all withdraw blushing.

"…Is that so?" Zelda asks taken aback. "Then Meg is…"

Meg waves at them dreamily.

"Oh, I'd definitely take a solo swim with the vampire in that case," Wallace says. "But being Meg all…" He locks eyes with Jack, then clears his throat. "…In the mood, we'll call it, is something that's probably going to be a pain to deal with."

"Okay! Wait! She might be alright!" Fry says. "Most springs including the ones that are mined for retail purposes are heavily diluted. So she's not getting the full effects. They've got a scale here. The Main Bath is the weakest and the Libido bath is the most potent," He looks around. "Which bath is this one?"

"LIBIDO BATH!" Squawks Vultureman.

"That would explain the speakers playing Barry White," Wallace says.

"I see," Fry says solemnly. He turns back to the brochure. "They've got this yellow line here that says 'Visitors are encouraged to consult a religious, mystic or uh… Cuddling we'll say wellness counsellor before entering baths below the yellow line.' And the Libido Bath's right at the bottom. There's all these warnings about overwhelming emotional bonds and dubious consent."

"Fry, I think we've had our fill of sightseeing," Katara says uncertainly. "Maybe we should get a move on for the campsite?"

"Good idea."

They turn and begin making their way up the path that led them here.

"They should have been way more clear on the signs, that bath's definitely not the place for a team camping trip. Maybe if me and Leela come back though…"

"I don't think we need to know what you and your girlfriend would do in there," Guzma says firmly.

"Right," Fry says a little sheepishly. "Point is, we dodged a bu-"

He freezes, someone's massaging his shoulders.

Fry turns and finds himself face to face with Shego, soaking wet hair hanging in dark sheets over most of her face.

"Oh Shego, it's you."

She pulls her hair out of her eyes.

"Hi Fry…"

"Uh hi."

He turns to keep walking. She resumes running her fingers over his arms. He gives her a look.

"Hey, uh… Everything okay with you?"

"Fantastic…" The villainess purrs. She's eyeing him with a fondness that's extremely out of character for her.

"Have I ever said how brave of a captain you are?"

"Not really?" Fry says. "I thought you said I stink as a captain?"

"Oh, I was just teasing."

She runs her hands down his chest.

"You're brave… and strong… and so much more handsome than my last boss."

"Uh? You sure you're feeling alright?"

"She's probably feeling a lot looser and more agreeable since I pushed her in the bath," Meg says.

"You WHAT!?" Yelps Fry. Shego giggles flirtatiously.

"What do you say we slip away for a while and…"

She whispers something in his ear. Fry blinks.

"Wow… Leela'd never let me do that." He shakes his head. "Wait? What am I saying I can't do anything with you! You're evil! Which kind of makes you even more hot! But still! My heart belongs to Leela!"

"Ah, forget about your little girlfriend for a while." Shego coos. "Let's have some fun!"

Fry pushes her away.

"No thanks!"

"Come on Fry, loosen up a little." Meg insists.

"You're bad too!" He shouts, shoving her away as well.

"Crap! Ah CRAP! What do I do about this!? I can't have you two like this all day! There's a kid here! It's actually, really, really messed up!"

Shego grabs him from behind. "I'm not talking about the stupid kid Fry… I'm talking about you." She nibbles his ear. Fry cries out like he's been burned by a stovetop.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I don't want anything to do with your beautiful sexy body!"

Shego half snorts, half laughs.

"You don't mean that…"

"It's weird but I do though! Even though part of me really doesn't want to mean it."

He groans.

"Dammit! I need someone to watch over you! Someone I know for sure won't be interested but also isn't a minor!"

"Are you guys coming or what?"

Wallace Wells has just wandered over to them. Fry stares at him. His teammate raises an eyebrow.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

He glances past his captain to Shego.

"Why is she looking at me like that?

…

Some time later the Ordinals march along the trail. At the front of the pack is Jack and Zelda. Jack's been subjected to Fry's 'childproofing' the boy's entire head wrapped in bandages like a mummy, his red-rimmed glasses placed over them like he's Claude Rains playing the Invisible Man.

At the very back of the pack a very bitter Wallace is dragging his feet, Shego clinging to him playfully.

"I want you to know how much I hate this." He tells Fry.

"Just make sure she keeps her clothes on until this wears off," Fry says.

Shego laughs girlishly.

"Hey Wallace? You know what's a fun game to play without clothes on?"

She whispers something to him. He looks disgusted.

"How would that even be aloud to air!?"

…

In Rodney's study Chris sits in a chair facing us, the audience of Total Drama.

"In light of today's episode we here at Total Drama would like to remind our viewers that the impaired opinions of our contestants do not always reflect those of those who work on the show.

Total Drama officially has not condoned or tolerated relationships or pairings formed without or under dubious consent since 2010… or maybe it was 2013? Whenever it was we stopped answering Sierra's calls

Point stands, we're not about that. Remember kids, everything you see here happened to multiversal weirdos in a controlled environment, If YOU happen to be in a giant monster and someone falls in its monster goo and starts talking to you in a way that makes you uncomfortable. Just! Say! No!"

Conner leans into the shot.

"Also, FYI, we're recording this after the episode wrapped. Jack's fine if you're worried about that, Fry seems to have preserved his innocence. We asked him tonight, he's got zero clue what went down with Shego, Meg, or even any of the Alucard stuff."

"Actually at the point where we're going to splice this in they won't know about the Alucard stuff yet."

"Oh… well… consider this foreshadowing."

…

The old family Supertask station wagon is still trucking along. The car's radio which they've found impossible to turn off has been stuck playing the same song for most of the trip. Closer to Fine by Indigo Girls.

And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(The less I seek my source)
Closer I am to fine, yeah

Herlock lip sings along in silent passion, most of the others are quiet. Max finishes a game of tic-tac-toe he was playing on the fogged-up window with Penny then surveys the room.

"Man, am I bored? We there yet?"

"Not yet," Tenpenny tells him.

A minute goes by quietly.

"Are we there yet now?"

"No," Elizabeth says.

Maybe half a minute lapses.

"How 'bout now?"

The car gives a lurch then sputters out, the radio dies with it.

"Ah, perfect we are there! Here I was just trying to be annoying," Max says brightly.

"I think that was our engine giving out little buddy," Sam comments.

"It was," Tenpenny says.

He hops out of the car, the others promptly follow. Sure enough, once Tenpenny pops the hood a billow of smoke rises out. Some of the others crowd around to get an eyeful.

"Fella's what's the prognosis? Is our wagon cooked?" Sam asks.

"Seems like it," Bruce says. "Unless Penny can draw us a new radiator."

Penny shrugs helplessly.

"Sorry, but in this heat, all my drawings are likely to melt love."

"Well folks, we knew it was gonna happen sooner or later, no use crying about it," Tenpenny says resolvedly. "Campsite's not fair, let's get a move on."

"Still, would have been pretty friggin nice to keep the car," Steve says.

Olivia's gaze suddenly comes to life with interest.

"What if we made some adjustments to guarantee that?"

She gestures to a corner where there's parked a large white vehicle, Two large screws positioned under it in the place of wheels. The words AMBULATOUR INTRAPIT SAFARI are written on the side in large red text.

"Well, would you look at that?" Sam marvels. "It's one of those Veev thingamajigs we're not supposed to touch."

"Chris didn't say we couldn't touch it, he just said we couldn't take it," Tenpenny says, quickly catching on to Olivia's plan. "As in take the whole damn thing for a spin, he didn't say nothing about borrowing a piece here or there to patch up the wagon."

Olivia grins. "My thoughts exactly. Are you handy with a wrench Officer?"

"As a matter of fact, I am. Anyone else?"

"I have a little experience," Bruce says.

"Same," Says Steve.

"Alright! About time we play fast and loose with rules! I was starting to think you guys were no fun," Max says gleefully.

"New plan!" Tenpenny announces. He gestures to himself, Steve, Bruce and Olivia. "Four of us will stay here a couple of hours and work on the car. Camp spot's not far, rest of you get settled in. We'll join you when we're done. Then tomorrow, we cruise our pampered asses back to camp in style, and we fucking win! And we don't send any more fucking people home! And most importantly we get to sleep in real fucking beds!"

Most of the team cheers loudly. Even Elizabeth gives them a posh little clap.

"Herlock, I'm trusting you to lead everyone not working to camp."

"Yes sir! My esteemed captain!" Herlock says with relish. "Allow me to grab us our headlamps! Penny, would you be a dear?"

"Don't have much of a reason not to, don't I?" The school girl says.

She accompanies him to the back of the car. Soon as they're out of earshot Herlock seizes her by the shoulder.

"AHA! It's all coming together!"

"Oy!" She yelps. "What's come over you then!?"

"It's brilliant my dear!" The detective continues, excited as a schoolboy on the first day of holiday. "Absolutely devilishly brilliant!"

"What is?"

"These machinations I've been following my dear! From the very moment, I received an invitation for these games I knew then and there there'd be more to my arrival than just some light merry-makings to my attendance!"

"You don't say?" Penny muses, utterly confused.

"I've been lying in wait, patient as an African panther for a case necessitating my brilliant mind, and now! Now, my dear girl, I've already begun narrowing down the culprits before the crime's even been committed."

"Hang on, you think someone's up to something?"

"Yes my dear, and with a heavy heart I must inform you that it will be one of our own compatriots."

"No!"

"Yes! I thought for sure it'd be one of those dastardly Ordinals. Alas, my detective skills never lie."

"Who do you think the culprit is then?"

"I first dear girl I thought it may be the fair Miss Bennet. But it just couldn't be her, not one of the Empire's most beloved literary figures I say! Besides, in unfamiliar territory, we English must stick together!"

"Too right you are there," Penny agrees. "You think it's one of the Yanks then Dennis? I mean Detective?"

"Quite right! There's a good girl! Sharp as a fiddle you are!"

"Thank you," Penny says modestly.

Herlock throws an arm around her and gestures conspiratorially to their teammates standing around the VEEV.

"I've got it down to one or more of the following four, our culprit is some combination of Doctor Octavius, Master Wayne, the rural youth Steven Harrington, and the purported officer of the law Frank Tenpenny."

"The Captain!?" Penny cries surprised. "Come off it! You sure you're not suspicious of him just because he got the job instead of you?"

Herlock looks deeply scandalized.

"I take utmost offence at the very notion! I assure you Miss Crayon no thought ever crossed my mind!"

"Just saying, Tenpenny's been a smashing bit of help around here. Even fixed us those temporary beds made out of pool furniture yesterday, mind you they weren't that great. But they were much better than what we've had."

"Were they? I didn't notice," Herlock says airily. "I've procured my own secluded sleeping spot, which I've found has been giving me a reliably good night's sleep in seclusion."

"Really? Where then?"

"I shan't say!"

"Is it in the loo?"

"No use trying to worm it out of me, my lips are sealed!" Herlock declares.

"Right, well anyways, we'll see about the others but you're going to need serious proof before you accuse Tenpenny of anything before I believe it."

"I assure you, my dear, when the time's right I'll find my evidence. You'll see soon enough! Sooner or later Herlock Sholmes always gets his man! HA! HA!"

With that, he begins dancing in place. Penny stands there, watching him bewildered.

"I am the only normal person here?"

…

"Glove on or off Entrapta?"

The three princesses, Rosalina, Toad, and Toadsworth are sitting in what looks to be a very cozily decorated café, a table filled with tea and pastries before them. Peach has just brought out a cream-coloured jewellery box. Inside sits a silver bangle on a red cushion.

"Does it matter?" Entrapta wonders. Peach smiles.

"Not necessarily. Some people just don't find wearing bracelets over your gloves fashionable. May I see one of your hands?"

Entrapta sticks her right arm out. Peach gently places the bangle over the girl's heavy work glove. As soon as it's on Entrapta holds it up to her face inquisitively.

"What exactly is the purpose of-Ooooooooooh Woooow!"

She's pressed the sides of the bracelet, and a holography display has appeared from it, showcasing a list of items.

"This is another invention of Rodney's one that helped us ever so dearly during my season," Peach says.

"It's called Hammerspace," Rosalina explains. "It operates the same way the House does, giving you unlimited personal storage space."

"Basically, it lets you haul around as many items as you want," Daisy says. "You can put whatever you want in it, not everyone uses it as literally as Peach."

Entrapta scrolls through her options, looking ready to overflow with excitement.

"This is an incredible piece of technology! Now I won't need to waste time grabbing things during lab work!"

"It is meant to help with your work here as an intern," Rosalina smiles. "But Rodney has said we are welcome to take them home afterward. Peach still has the same one she wore during Endless."

Peach extends a hand, Entrapta gives it an odd look, then whispers to Daisy who's sitting next to her.

"Why does have two?"

Daisy shrugs.

"Don't know. She likes the change the topic when I bring it up. Maybe it's Bowser related."

"What's Bowser?" Entrapta asks innocently.

Rosalina gives Daisy a look.

"It's alright Rosie." Peach insists, placing a hand on her Goddess friend's arm. "It was bound to come up, at some point."

She looks to Entrapta.

"Bowser is the King of another kingdom back home. One that has given me and my pour toads some trouble."

"Invasions?" Entrapta asks. The others nod. "I thought so," She says. "When went through a phase of those lately back on Etheria."

"That mean old Koopa's kidnaped The Princess twelve times!" Toad cries.

"Well, that just seems obsessive." Entrapta muses.

"Yeah, because Bowser's completely obsessed with Peach!"

"I'm afraid Bowser has decided some time ago I'd be his perfect bride, and he's not very interested in what I have to say on the matter. Luckily my dear friend Mario's been so kind as to fend him off, but we'll be more prepared next time. So I'm very happy to declare those days spent in the Koopa castle's dungeon are behind me, and we can look back and have ourselves a little laugh about it."

"You make it sound so silly in hindsight," Toad says.

"But that's all it ever was, silly."

She giggles sweetly and pours herself some more tea, The Princess looking like she's sincerely amused herself.

"I mean Bowser, so cruel and angry in his big dark castle,"

She raises her cup to her lips.

"Can you imagine falling in love with someone like that?"

"How come you never gave him a chance?" Entrapta asks.

Peach inhales the dainty little china cup she was drinking from. She shoots backwards out of her chair, choking violently. Daisy leaps up and gives her the Heimlich, Peach making guttural noises until at last the cup sails out of her mouth, landing on a tray of cookies on the table.

She wipes her mouth at stares at Entrapta mortified.

"A chance!?"

"Maybe he's really nice deep down."

"Bowser!?" Peach shouts hoarsely. "Nice!?"

"Miss Entrapta, The Koopa King is a vile and evil spirit that's been a persistent threat to our sacred peace and stability," Toadsworth says severely.

"Well that's what everyone said about Hordak too, but I think he's a very sweet guy, and even though I wasn't really looking for a boyfriend, the two of us are very happy together." Entrapta pleads. "Maybe if you just got to know Bowser-"

"I don't want to get to know him!" Peach snarls. "I don't ever want to see him again! He's a horrible, disgusting, barbarian! I don't care how many times he kidnaps me, I will never! NEVER LOVE THAT BRUTE! How dare he think I'd ever so much as like him after what he's done to our Kingdom! He's the second worst creature I've EVER-"

"Second worst?" Entrapta asks innocently. "Who's the first then?"

Peach freezes for a moment, something resembling fear in her expression. She shuts her eyes, and lets out a long-drawn-out breath, her posture relaxes.

"It doesn't matter. It's in the past." She says in a much calmer voice. "I'm sorry for yelling Entrapta. You're new, you didn't mean any harm."

"Oh that's alright, people used to yell at me all the time back in the Fright Zone," Entrapta says cheerfully.

A hologram appears in the centre of the table.

It's Rodney.

"Good Evening ladies, I hope I'm not interrupting anything?"

"Not at all." Insists Peach. The house's master smiles warmly.

"Splendid. I hope you don't mind if I steal Entrapta from you then?"

"Yes, Rodney, that's more than alright. It's getting late anyway. I'll have to start putting the toads to bed."

"Bed? It's not that late though?" Entrapta laughs.

Daisy gives her a wry look.

"You got any idea how long it takes to kiss a thousand toads goodnight?"

…

"There!"

Fry throws down the Ordinals' gear then collapses next to them. They've finally reached their camp spot in the Southern Bronchial Forest, one of the great lungs of the beast they reside in. The air in here is slightly cooler and much fresher than the rest of the flesh pit, giving the exhausted contestants some slight relief. By now it's 8 pm (According to the watch they'd been given at least) and the team's been walking most of the day.

"Dude! There's no way we're beating the other guys if we're that slow on the way back!" Miko says concerned.

"We won't be," Katara assures her. "We won't do any sightseeing tomorrow, and hopefully by then we'll have a solution for these two."

She frowns at Shego and Meg.

"What did we do?" Meg asks blissfully.

"You two have been worse than my brother Sokka, back in Si Wong desert when he thought it was a good idea to try drinking cactus juice."

"Was it?"

"No. Meg. And you shouldn't've had all those sodas."

"I don't know why you're being so weird about it?" Meg asks. "Everyone in my house is casual about sex."

"Not to sound rude, but the way you speak of them no one in your household sound like very good role models," Zelda says.

"Also keep the intimate talk away from the child," Guzma warns.

"It's fine, I think my child proofing's working, right Jack?" Fry says.

Jack, sitting a little ways away, mumbles something from under his bandages that sounds vaguely like "I can't hear you."

"Maybe we can get Vultureman to carry those two back?" Miko suggests. The bird scowls at her.

"The Great and Mighty Vultureman will not be responsible for the team's floozies."

"Well someone else has to babysit them…" Wallace says marching over to them stormily. "Because I don't think I can take much more of this."

Clinging to his back, Shego laughs deliriously.

"You're a funny man Mr. Wells! Maybe later we should get to know each other better."

"Ma'am I am very gay!" Wallace says firmly.

"Ah… You don't know that for sure!"

"I have never been so sure of that as I am tonight!"

Shego runs her tongue over her lips. "How can you know you don't like girls until you've tried one?"

Wallace locks eyes with Fry.

"Help. Me." He says through gritted teeth.

"You're doing a great job, just watch over her until the challenge is done."

Wallace gives him a look of grave offence and gestures to Shego. "I am not comfortable going to sleep around this thing!"

"Neither would I honestly," Zelda admits.

"What do want me to do about her?" Fry demands.

"We could Tie her in up with rope until she's calmed down to keep her from getting handsy," Miko suggests.

"I'm very on board with that idea," Katara says.

"I second that," Wallace says.

"Third." Zelda agrees.

"Getting tied up sounds fun." Shego snickers.

"Alright! If everyone's in agreement we'll do it." Fry relents. "As for Meg, you seem less weird than Shego."

"Oh, I'm definitely not where she is." Meg clarified.

"Can you function?"

"I guess, just hard to think straight."

"Is this something you could… I don't know… solve alone?"

She grins awkwardly and blushes.

"Alright…" Fry draws himself to "Meg go… do what you need to do."

"Is that an order?"

"That's Captain's orders! Go make God cry! Just do it far enough that we can't hear you!"

"Ay-Ay Captian!"

Salutes him, then scampers off.

Guzma looks up to the ceiling in disgust.

"This team's a disgrace."

"This team is not a disgrace," Insists Katara. "We're just having an off day. Now come help with these tents."

She begins fishing through their equipment. Both teams have been given what seemed to be the standard equipment for camping in this strange place. Their interventerial tents (There were two of them) are dodecahedron-shaped to brace against the shifting geobiology of the park and in lieu of a firepit they've been given a support pack, with built-in floodlights, a generator and a propane stove.

"There's some rope in here if you want to deal with Shego first."

"Alright Shego, don't read into this," Fry says, grabbing the rope.

"Shego?"

He looks around.

"Where'd she go?"

"Maybe she's taking a page from Meg and is 'Making God cry' as you put it," Wallace says dryly.

"Ewww," Fry says. Then pauses. "Actually wait," He pauses. "No, my mistake, I'm on board with that visual. Let me double-check to be sure."

His eyes drift into the middle distance as if he were watching something in his mind's eye.

"Gosh, she's hot."

Wallace gives a reproachful look.

"Is there a word that means the opposite of bonding? Because we're doing a lot of that right now."

"I mean Wallace, I know you're gay but you gotta admit she-OW!"

Fry yelps, Katara's just smacked him across the back of the head with a water whip.

"Stop talking about Shego!" She snaps. "I don't care where she is or what she's doing, so long as she's not getting into any more trouble it's fine!"

Three sounds follow each other in rapid succession. A loud laugh from Shego, a scream of horror from Meg, and the shriek of something that sounds very large, and decided inhuman.

"You were saying?" Guzma asks.

Katara buries her face in her hands.

With extreme reluctance, the Ordinals go running off into the dark.

"Shego! Meg! We're coming!" Fry cries.

As they found when they arrived The Bronchial Forest is extremely difficult to navigate, and being inside it is less like the woods and more what it would be like a vast pink sponge. The Permian Basin Superorganism's lungs are near an endless maze of interconnected tubes and crevasses, or mucosal folds, as park signage pleasantly put them. The team weaves in up and around the vertical mucus-coated. Meg and Shego's voices oscillating between sounding closer and farther away.

When they finally find them, the two women are in a pit several metres below the ledge they've emerged onto two. Meg frozen in fear, Shego waves to them dimly, the stronger hit of aphrodisiacs she took keeping her carefree.

"Oh! Hey… It's you guys, come join the party! We made some friends."

"Meg! Are you okay?" Katara shouts down.

Meg shakes her head and points to the darkness. Her teammates shine their flashlights to where she's pointed and instantly regret it.

The light illuminated A pale two-limbed arthropod, clicking its mandibles agitatedly and waving four fern-like antennae. It looks like a shrimp or a zooplankton, the sort of tiny creatures you'd expect to see at the bottom of an oceanic food chain.

Only the creature next to Meg isn't tiny, not in the slightest.

It's about the size of a bus.

"Abyssal Copepod." Zelda recites in a fearful whisper. "Jack said they were mentioned in the Wildlife Safety guide. Deeply aggressive, highly dangerous predators best to be avoided at all costs."

Fry moves his flashlight around, each time he does he finds another one of the creatures, surrounding the girls. There's nearly a dozen of them. Zelda lets out a tiny moan of panic.

"It appears Meg and Shego have disrupted a nest of them."

"That's less than great news," Miko says.

"I've got worse," Guzma says in a low tone.

They turn a copepod has appeared behind them on their ledge, clicking dangerous,

"Fry now'd be a great time for a plan," Katara says.

Fry merely whimpers in fright.

They hear another strange noise, then Alucard is there next to them, quite literally rising out of the ground, where he had been and when he had gotten separated from others no one knew.

"Allow me to attend to this." He says, voice like silk. "I've been hungry for an opportunity like this all week."

He grins down the creature and draws his massive sidearm.

"Show me your worst you dog."

He fires, and strikes the copepod, it howls in hate and agony and charges the vampire.

Alucard fires several more times, blowing chucks of flesh off the creature, but it's not enough to slow it down. The 8-metre beast sinks its mandibles into his chest. The others gasp in horror as it thrashes him about and flings Alucard backwards. Their strongest teammate reduced to a mangled body in seconds.

A moment of stunted stunned silence before Wallace groans loudly.

"Goddammit! Now what am I supposed to use for eye candy!?"

There comes a loud chuckle, echoing more than the soft walls should allow. Something's happens to Alucard's body, his corpse dissolves into black shadow. Red eyes pierce the dark form and it rises back up. The vampire's body flowing back together again, red overcoat and dark suit mending themselves.

Alucard looks back at his team over his shoulder then sneers at the giant arthropod.

"Not bad, but let me show you what real power looks like!"

Then moving faster than anyone can keep track he charges the creature, single hand outstretched, it plunges seamlessly into the copepod's chitinous exoskeleton and Alucard tears it in half.

His team watches on with the same stunted expressions they wore yesterday when Miko had wiped their memories. Alucard hunches over the dead monster, doubled over with laughter.

"Finally! The rich sent of Death! It's been so damn boring these past five days! At last, I have monsters I can enjoy sending back to hell!"

The other copepods below begin chittering, and Meg screams again. Alucard's head jerks up, His blood-red eyes flood with elation.

"This worthless piece of shit died faster than I'd liked it to, let's see if it's friends last any longer!"

He sweeps past the other Ordinals and leaps into battle. The team turn and watch, still rooted to their spot.

"Man… Bro's been really holding out on us until now, hasn't he?" Miko asks.

The others nod stiffly.

…

It takes a while for Entrapta to find Rodney. She has to pass through at least two dozen doors. Each one in a different serene environment, mossy forests, and snowy moors. Quiet Art galleries and still public squares.

When she does finally make it to the squirrel she finds him in a dark carpeted room, lit by the blue light of several giant aquarium tanks much like the ones she'd seen filled with lake monsters during last challenge. Here in these tanks, there swims large elegant creatures, vaguely resembling jellyfish. Rodney stands before them, illuminated by the tank, his form flowing slowly in some sort of dance. His expression brightens when he sees her.

"Ah, Dear Entrapta, how kind of you to join me."

"Took a little bit of work but I managed to get here," She says. "What are you up to?"

"I've been trying my hand at some Tai Chi lately," Rodney tells her. "Supposed to be good for circulation you know?"

He waves forward with both arms, his body following the motion, then pulls back in like he was an ocean tide.

"You're familiar with Katara from the Ordinals?"

"Vaguely. Why?"

"Her waterbending form reminds me greatly of Tai Chi, It's what reminded me I'd like to try it. Perhaps there's some connection there, or perhaps it's merely a consequence. The Multiverse is full of them, one of the quirks of probability when dealing with infinite variables."

He finishes his martial arts then beckons for her to follow. He leads her throw a door and into a field of puffy clouds, kissed by the glowing hues of a sunset, far above them a glowing cityscape of skyscrapers hangs upside down.

"I apologize for being so aloof today. I had a long-running project that needed checking it. I hope you had a nice day with Peach and her friends then."

Entrapta nods.

"I get along with other princesses pretty easily, and Peach seems nice."

"I'm glad."

An archway in the clouds leads them into another room, ending up in a small artist's cabin in the woods. Canvases and oil paints dot the softly lit room.

"She was here some months ago with Conner as part of his season. I'm quite happy still looks back on her time here positively enough that she wanted to return. I always try and ensure my guests leave this house of mine on a happy note. Even though McLean is making that somewhat harder than usual."

"The girls were saying Chris is dumbing down the house or something?"

Rodney chuckles.

"Well… I wouldn't use such scathing language but he has a different approach to my work."

He takes one of the paintings off its easel and inspects it.

"It's a rather odd experiment I must say, after to introspect so long on your work to suddenly have new people come in and reinterpret it. When it comes to all things not counting his personal luxuries Chris McLean I'm quickly discovering is a very practical man. He appreciates my house algorithm as a tool for his contest, something which I have no problem with. I wouldn't have invited you all otherwise. Yet I didn't merely create my home purely as a tool.

There is beauty here that exists for its own sake."

Rodney turns to the window and opens it. Outside is a starry night unearthly in its beauty. Swirling clouds of distant nebulas, fields of stars shimmer brighter than any sky either of them had ever seen, like something out of Van Gogh's tormented mind.

"Wow…" Gushes Entrapta quietly. Rodney chuckles.

"I always appreciate a good starfield. I'm not sure if you've noticed yet but here in my universe, we don't normally have them."

"We didn't have them on Etheria for a long time either."

"Is that true?"

"We were cast into a pocket reality by an old She-Ra thousands of years ago. Hordak and I got us back into baseline reality but let me tell you, it was a pain."

Rodney regards her deeply impressed.

"I say. You managed to pluck your entire planet out of one universe and into another? Remarkable."

She looks down humbly. "I mean it was sort of a rush job, lots of complications that sort of bogged the whole process down, and almost destroyed the localized fabric of space-time. Actually, by the end, I'd decided it was too risky to turn out but I got overruled by Catra, and well. What do you know? She was right. We survived. But looking back it was definitely one of the messier projects I've worked real beginners stuff, I wouldn't exactly put on my resume."

Again that gets a slight chuckle out of the squirrel.

"I disagree. If anything, that you recognize the danger in tampering with reality I think shows experience. It's a risky venture Entrapta, toying with the code of a universe, playing in the domain of gods, it's always going to be an inherently dangerous discipline. Civilizations have burned in pursuit of its mastery.

That's why I have my house."

He leads her into another space, this one the interior cockpit of a very steampunk-eaque airship.

"…You know Entrapta, There is a great benefit when studying the multiverse to have a controllable slice of infinity."

"How do you control what's in each room?" She asks.

"Normally I prefer not to. If I want something in particular you have to be very specific with my algorithm, otherwise I tend to let it create for me, with a little soft suggestion here or there.

He walks up to an unopened door.

"Most often what appears in a room is determined my subconsciously by the user. The main algorithm responds strongly to emotions, memory and unconscious desires."

He holds out his staff, with its set of controls embedded on the handle.

"Would you by any chance care to try?"

"Yes!" She cries.

He types something into his cane then hands it to her.

"Concentrate on somewhere you like to be, be specific in your thoughts, focus entirety on that place, not just the broad look, but the details. Reflect upon the emotional state you associate with it. Then open the door."

Entrapta exhales.

"Thinking… Thinking… About the feeling of my lab."

She opens the door, A dark metallic room filled with screens greets them.

"It worked!" She cries, quickly surveying the space. "It mostly worked! Some of this is Dryl, but there's definitely some Fright Zone influence and that!"

She gesticulates wildly at a corner of the room taken up by a glowing bio-organic mass.

"Oh, that whole thing is just all Beast Island, hundred percent. Guess I'm going to need more practice focusing."

"Yes, but for a first time that was extraordinarily good," Rodney says encouragingly. "You're a natural at this Princess."

Entrapta beams at him.

Just then Rodney's cane begins making noises, grabbing both of their attentions. A hologram of Conner emerges from it.

"Hey, Rodney! Rodster, The squirrel with the world, My sort of nutty kind of buddy! Uh… hope I'm not interrupting anything but we might need some assistance."

…

Rodney and Entrapta return to Rodney's study when Chris and Conner are currently watching Alucard tear hell through the Mystery Flesh Pit's biosphere. The vampire less something tangible in his carnage and more a force of nature. His body contouring in an amorphic mass of red eyes and canid fangs as he devours copepod after copepod.

"I don't know Rod, you want to ask Chris about it?" Conner says, looking smug. "I'm sure he'd love to example how five challenges into a season somethings gone horribly wrong with four of them now."

"Dude, I didn't think the monsters were gonna be this violent!"

"Which ones? The hellbeasts living in the flesh pit you stuck the contestants In or good old No Life King you tossed into the game as one of their teammates."

"Normally I have a decent track record with subjecting my casts to dangerous wildlife and psychotic cast members without getting too bloody, But I mean look at this!"

Chris points to the field of red on the screen.

"Even the walls are bleeding dude! The censors are gonna flip!"

"Chris enlighten me," Conner asks. "What was it about the giant eldritch monster park that attracted you to do an episode of your somehow still concerned family-friendly show inside it? Was it the fact it woke up and digested everyone in its home reality that drew you in, or was it the fact that the main draw while it was active was the pits filled with sex juice that really grabbed you?"

Chris side-eyes him. "It's other people's jobs to do the research, besides! This isn't even the real park! It's supposed to be a dumbed-down recreation of part of it."

"Yes, Christopher. About that…" Rodney injects somewhat awkwardly. "I seem to recall you being insistent on us being as faithful in our adaptation as possible earlier, with palpable danger being a particularly strong emphasis."

Chris gives him a look.

"Wait? Rodney? Did you build the entire monster!?"

"I did find it odd you wanted all 30 kilometres of the beast since the park only occupied a tiny portion of it, but you were quite insistent last night on the full package as it were."

Chris turns to the screen at a loss.

As usual this season, Conner looks torn between exasperation and amusement. He laughs silently for a moment before recomposing himself.

"I'm so happy I get to watch this season crash in burn live."

"Zip it O'Gleeson!" Chris says. "Homespun's going great at you know it!"

"Sure it is. Anyway Chris, since you're the expert why don't you make the call? You wanna wrap this up early or do you wanna keep watching Count Dracula feast on Kaiju blood, and just cross our little fingers that nothing bad comes of that?"

…

None of the other Ordinals have yet to find an appropriate response to Alucard's rampage. Wildly different emotions colour their faces as they all stand huddled together and silent like a mob of meerkats facing down a cobra. The Vampire continues his rampage uninterrupted. More copepods attracted by the sound and scent of death continue arrival and are quickly feasted on by Alucard, his violence tearing chunks of meat from the walls of the flesh pit itself, those too he quickly devours.

A four-tone note draws their attention. They look around, the voice of Chris begins booming from the heavens.

"Alright Campers… Seems you some of you broke my rule about standing on the paths, not cool dudes.

Because of this mistake that was definitely a hundred percent your fault and I am in no way to blame for, the calls been made to close the park, meaning we'll be wrapping up this challenge a little early."

"Surely he's joking," Zelda says.

"Race starts now campers! First one back to the Visitors Center wins immunity."

"Now!?" Fry cries up to the voice. "We're not ready!"

The four-note plays again, ending the message.

"It's cool we got this," Miko says.

"How?" Wallace asks. "We've got an incredibly hot vampire on a rampage, and an incredibly horny bitch that won't listen to save her life!"

Shego pounces on him.

"There you are! Are you up for some fun yet?"

"I only! Have sex! With men!" Wallace shouts shoving her off him.

"Alucard! Time to go!" Katara shouts. The vampire cackles.

"You're joking right!? This is the only fun I've had all season!"

"I'd be interested in fun!" Shego says, making to start undressing herself, Zelda and Guzma wrestle her hands away from the top button of her jumpsuit.

"Shego! Alucard! No joking around, it's time to move!" Katara says again.

"I really hope the other guys are having this much trouble." Fry moans.

They hear the roar of an engine, just then a vehicle comes roaring past them, It's the Supertasks in their Station Wagon, now heavily modified from parts off the VEEV. It rolls past, now perfect at home in this fleshy environment, the Supertasks grin at them out the windows.

"Hi, guys!" Penny calls. "Bye, guys!"

Her voice fades as the other team speeds away.

"Cheaters!" Guzma snarls after them.

Fry lets out a noise of deep distress and grips his head.

"We are so screwed!"

"Dude! Don't sweat it! There's still time!" Miko insists. "This is what happened yesterday! Right about now someone's going to wipe some crazy kick-butt last-minute plan to take us to the top of the scoreboard, and everything's gonna work out great-"

…

Two Hours later. The Supertasks are in a fit of elation. Their faithful station wagon parked in the garage of the Lower Visitor Center. The entire team celebrates before Chris, most of them cheering in delight. Even the stoics joining in, Bruce clapping their victorious captain on the back heartily, and the usually quiet Elizabeth laughing and clapping with the rest of them.

The Ordinals stand behind them, looking extremely sour.

"This isn't fair! They cheated!" Guzma roars.

"Chris never said we couldn't modify the wagon." Olivia insists innocently.

"That I did not." Chris agrees. "Besides And so we have a shake-up in order! Supertasks! Major Congratulations on your first victory of the season, and your first set of House Points for your cabin!"

A renewed wave of cheering runs its way through the team at the thought of finally getting real beds.

"Hope you don't feel too left out Ordinals," Chris says, turning to them. "Because there's an exciting new experience in store for you too, you're first elimination as a team! Doesn't that sound fun!?"

Fry groans.

Tenpenny laughs.

"Like I said this morning Philip. May the best team win."

…

Once they've returned to their cabin, Shego's locked in the bathroom by Miko and Vultureman and forced to dunk her head in a bath full of cold water. Thirty minutes of being waterboarded by a hyper Japanese gamer and a shrieking bird demon seems to work the lust out of Shego, and she falls back into her usual surly mood, made worse than usual by a pounding headache.

The rest of her team is hardly in better spirits. Most of them, sitting on their beds, unmotivated to do anything besides joylessly wait to be called to the night's elimination ceremony.

"This is all my fault." Fry mopes. "I'm a terrible leader."

"Correct." Guzma says.

"Fry, of all the people to blame for today you're hardly one of them," Katara says in a consolatory tone.

Shego gives the girl a look, picking up on the other implications hidden in her inflection.

"If you don't blame the idiot from tomorrow over there, you do you blame huh Katara? Because It sounds like you blame someone."

"Oh, I'm sorry! Did I make it sound that way?" Katara asks fluttering her eyelashes in mock innocents. "Must have lost control of my impulse there for sec."

"Meg basically drugs me and I'm the one people are pointing fingers at?" Shego growls.

"Maybe If you were a team player like Meg people we'd be a little more understanding."

"I'm sorry? Meg's more of a team player than me!? Name me one thing she did this week that wasn't sit there and be useless?"

Katara's voice begins to rise. "Meg's not useless!"

"Yes, she is," Guzma says Katara's head swerves to him, eyes full of offence.

"You're taking Shego's side!?"

"I am, and she's right. Victory's gotten you people lazy! This team's full of freeloaders, like Griffin!"

"They're probably right…" Meg says dejected. Katara's shouting on her feet now.

"No! They're not! We're not getting rid of you! You're out friend!"

"Get real!" Guzma snaps. "This is a competition! Friendships don't matter! Looking out for the team and making smart decisions is what matters, something none of you have proved to me you can do yet!"

"What do you call the last couple challenges then man!?" Miko counters.

"You think those were victories to be proud of!? That was all dumb luck. The other team was dealing with internal problems and it dragged them down, Now they've pulled themselves together. Where does that leave us? I'll tell you. Staring down a competent foe without a drop of training."

He folds his arms and sneers at the other.

"There move with the car today, that's a real strategy, that's what we should have been doing the whole time! It's what we'd be doing if I was working with my gang back on Team Skull. That's a real team!" He turns to glare at Alucard. "Instead I'm stuck on this deadbeat team with freaks like this!"

"Am I not proving to be a valuable ally?" He asks in a mocking tone. "How tragic! I'll try not to lose sleep over it."

"Save your breath!" Guzma says, undaunted by the vampire's piercing glare. "You're just as bad as Griffin is! Five days of sitting there worthless, then the moment you decide to do something you go on a rampage! At least our other monster helps out once and a while!"

Vultureman squawks with indignation. Alucard tilts his head back and laughs before grinning dangerously.

"I'm not to blame if the miserable dogs running the game are afraid of my power! You don't like it, maybe you're the one we should consider getting rid of."

"Meg first then Drac!" Shego insists.

"You're not the one deciding votes," Zelda says. Shego throws up her hands sarcastically.

"Oh, that's right! I forgot it's the "Let's all gang up on Big Bad Shego hour!" Even though she's the only competent person on the team!"

She rubs her temple and glares at Wallace.

"Give me a break! I already had to put up with this creep putting the moves on me all day."

"I was putting the moves on you!?" Wallace asks appalled.

"You've been nothing but horrible all season!" Katara shouts.

"Wow! Have I?! Thanks for noticing!" Shego snarls. "I'm a supervillain's henchwoman sweetie! What's your excuse?"

Guzma's attention is still on Alucard.

"What are you smiling at creep?"

"The thought of crushing your miserable skull between my hands."

"Is that a threat!?"

"Was that not clear? You must be more of an idiot than that avian abomination everyone pretends is their equal."

"SCRAWK! THE GREAT AND MIGHTY VULTUREMAN'S HONOUR WILL NOT BE CHALLENGED SO LIGHTLY!"

They continue, the duelling arguments pulling others until most of the team's shouting at one other.

"Guys stop!" Fry cries. Everyone goes quiet and looks at him.

"This can't happen! We can't fight like this!"

"Did you hear what Shego-" Wallace begins, Fry cuts him off.

"It doesn't matter what anyone said! We're a team! We're supposed to work together! I know losing hurts, but maybe if we stop fighting for a moment we can remember that we're all teammates, and we like each other."

Fry's brief speech is followed by about ten seconds of silence, before the Ordinals resume arguing, this time far louder.

Elsewhere in the house in front of the screens at Rodney's study, the staff look on, Chris McLean munching on a large tub of popcorn.

"I don't know about you people, but I'm super glad they lost."

…

A little while later the eleven Ordinals file into the Elimination room bitterly. None of them had been to the cozy elimination since their first day here. It was still as they remembered it, save for the three Supertask portraits now dark. Their own paintings hung beside them, all still lit, for the moment, though that was about to change.

"Ordinals…" Chris begins, sounding obnoxiously happy about all this. "That was quite the show today. I'd ask where it went wrong, but I think the real question is where did it go right?"

He laughs heartily at his own joke.

"After today, you guys are gonna need some serious counselling. Fortunately today you all get the opportunity to peg the blame on somebody, so try and enjoy yourself, because sooner or later you'll be back here. After all, at only two of you will be left by the finale. Or one of you, or none." He shrugs. "Maybe you'll all be pathetically obliterated by mid-game and we'll have an all Supertasks semi-finales. I'm open to anything really. So long as your mental breakdowns are entertaining feel free to have them however you want!"

He chuckles to himself. Peach gives him a dark look.

"Only joking people." He insists. "Or at least, I am as far as you know. Now enough beating around the bush! Let's start narrowing the roster shall we?"

Entrapta, Daisy and Peach begin making the rounds, passing out chocolate chip cookies and in Peach's case, words of encouragement.

"Fry,

Jack,

Katara,

Miko,

Wallace,

Vultureman,

And Zelda! You should all be holding a cookie right now." Chris informs them. "None of received any votes, so you're all safe."

He turns to the remaining four.

"Alucard, Shego, Meg and Guzma. Seems like you guys all made enemies today. One of you's going home but it won't be…"

The Princesses hand him their remaining cookies and he tosses two out.

"Alucard! Or Meg! You're both safe!"

"What?" Guzma barks. "Way am I in the bottom two?! I've been a model player! I just finished giving us the advice you all needed to hear!"

"Yeah… but you were kind of a major jerk about it bro," Miko says. Guzma gives her a look of disbelief.

"You people voted for me because I hurt your feelings?"

Miko makes an indecisive noise.

"Guzma! Shego!" Chris announced.

"One of you's about to go home, and that person is…

…

…

…

…

…To be determined." Chris cries. "It's a tie vote! Probably because Jack summited a blank vote."

Guzma and Shego turn to glare at the boy.

"I didn't see what happened today, It didn't seem fair," He insists.

"Well, now what happens?" Guzma asks.

"While I'd love to make you do some giant dangerous tie-breaker challenge, having a tie this early kind of sort of threw me for a loop, and I couldn't think of one in time," Chris says. "So instead, heaven help us, we're going to borrow the tie-breaker from Endless."

"What's that?"

"You start by picking a number," Conner says.

"Four Thousand," Guzma says.

"Negative Eight," Shego says.

Conner turns. "Chris, what number we're you thinking of?"

"Seventy-Nine,"

"Wonderful. Shego's closest, Guzma's out," Conner says.

Shego smirks, Guzma looks disgusted, almost as much as Wallace and Katara do. The Pokémon Trainer rises to his feet.

"Unbelievable…"

"Guzma, you're exit awaits," Chris says pleasantly.

"I'm aware, thanks. I'm sure my real team's missing me back in Alola,"

He slinks over to the door and opens it. Before he walks through he turns and gives his team a final judging glare.

"So this is how this team's going to be going forward huh? Pathetic! You people keep making decisions based on your emotions like this, you're doomed. You understand? This team's going to crumble like a house of cards! Enjoy your precious friendships while you can… it's going to cost you the game."

He turns and walks out. Slamming the door behind him. The light on his portrait goes out.

…

The Supertasks click on the door to their new cabin and gaze inside, with audible gasps of excitement.

It's objectively not anything special, their interior now resembling a worn down model with stiff dusty beds and dated décor.

"Well they don't look like good mattresses but at least they're something," Tenpenny says.

Herlock squints into the room skeptically.

"All the same Captain, I believe I'll stick to my personal lodgings."

"Do whatever you want Sholmes." Their captain says with a shrug. "Anybody else got any problem?"

"It's perfect," Elizabeth says gratefully. "You did excellently today Captain Tenpenny."

"Much obliged." He says with a smile.

As his team streams happily into their warm beds, Tenpenny pauses a stares into the dark cavern their cabins had been in since the morning. He sees the Ordinals returning from elimination, all miserable.

Shego discretely looks up at him.

She nods.

He nods back.

…

Half an hour later when everyone's in bed, the two of them met behind the Supertask's cabin. Assured in the fact that the interiors had thus far been soundproofed to any outside reality.

"What seems to be the problem stranger?" Tenpenny asks coyly.

"The problem is I'm getting sick of waiting." Shego growls in a low voice. "First night here, you quote on quote saved me from getting kicked, and said you'd want to talk in a couple days. Any of that ring a bell?"

"I might remember that yeah…" Says Tenpenny, folding his arms and leaning against the cabin boredly. "You gettin' impatient?"

"Skip the gloating because I don't have time for it," She snaps. "Whatever sort of secret alliance, master and henchwoman thing, situation, whatever you want to call it. I'm in okay? I'll do whatever you want, just start making it happen and fast."

Tenpenny's eyes flash sinisterly.

"Alright then… here's the plan, we team up and take turns running the votes, tomorrow you sabotage your team and pin the blame on somebody I want gone, get them kicked off early, next day, I do the same and you tell me which Supertask you'd like to throw under the bus, day after that we switch back to the Ordinals.

We keep doing that 'til they dissolve the teams, then we pick off anyone left. Won't even matter if we're fond out doing it, we'll be too powerful to stop by then."

Shego thinks it over, smiling of her own accord for the first time all day.

"Yeah… Yeah. That could actually work. You know I'm used to my usual boss coming up with schemes that blow up in his face but you…"

She trails off, Tenpenny's laughing at her.

"Motherfucker, how dumb do you think I am?"

She gives him a blank look.

"So… we're not using that plan?"

He sneers at her. "You think that stupid ass plan's a good idea!? Think the best option is to walk around here with a giant fucking target on our back? Seems like you've already got one over on the Ordinals! How's that working for you? Feel in control Shego?"

"It's not my fault I keep getting targeted!"

"Isn't it? Maybe it'd stop happening if you were such a bitch all the time?"

Shego seizes him by the collar and pins him to the wall of the cabin.

"You promised me an alliance!"

"I told you, you owed me a conversation." Tenpenny clarifies, undaunted by her physicality. "I considered offering an alliance but so far, you haven't exactly convinced me it'd be worth my time."

"Give me a break! It's only been five days!"

"And what've you been doing all that time? Nothing. You're in the same spot you were day one. You want to know what I got done since we started? I got the captain kicked out, then sat by like a fucking boy scout being all nice and goddamn helpful while the chaos sorted itself out. By the time I suggested we get a new captain, they voted me in without me having to say a single fucking word about it.

We've been here just under a week and already I'm the motherfucking king. I own my team Shego! Yours is looking for excuses to kick you out, and you're giving them plenty."

"They're a bunch of insufferably goody two-shoes! What do you want me to do!? Pretend to be their friend and start kissing up to them. Not my style!"

"Well, you better find something that works soon, or else you'll be gone and I won't save your sorry ass. Not until you've proved you can be useful to me."

Shego seems to weigh her options unhappy.

"Ugh. Fine. I'll figure out a way to stay in the game," She insists. "I'm just not kissing anyone's butt to do it."

"Look I'll tell you what? I see you make it to the merge, I'll consider you having proved your worth, and I'll let you into my little kingdom I got."

"That's a promise?"

"Sure, why the hell not? You got my guarantee."

He offers her a hand, she takes it hesitantly. Then turns to leave.

"See you at the merge."

"We'll see about that," Tenpenny says.

"It'll happen!"

"For you're sake I hope it does, and Shego!"

He calls after her as she leaves.

"I enjoyed our little chat, sociable son of a bitch I am, I say we should do it again sometime. You ever need advice on those fuckin' Ordinals don't be a stranger."

"Won't your team get suspicious?"

Tenpenny scoffs.

"Of what? Talking to the competition? Shit… Since when's that been a problem?

Besides I got alibis, whole fucking team trusts my every goddamn word. Wouldn't exactly be rational to be pointing fingers at me now would it?"

With that, they disperse, their quiet deal made in presumed confidentiality.

Tenpenny's right of course. One would have to be a certain level of irrational to scheme against him.

The same level of irrationality perhaps that would cause a man to decide the best place to find a quiet place to sleep in his cabin was on its roof.

Sure enough, high above the two conspirators, Herlock Sholmes grins broadly to himself.

His crime and his culprits had at last fallen into his lap.

…

Back in Rodney's study surveys the scene.

"Well, that was certainly unexpected!"

Chris clasps his hands together happily.

"On that note, we wrap another very memorable episode-"

…

At some point later in Rodney's study. Conner watches the scene unfold on the display before him. He presses mute and turns to the audience.

"Aha! Almost thought I was going to let him get away with it didn't you? Well, you thought wrong, I was merely toying with your emotions before plunging you into the depths of chaos and deception, just like today's episode."

He pauses.

"That analogue might be stretched a little thin but it's what I'm going with.

What a show we had today folks. As always Chris inferior host he is can never seem to grasp what he's working with here in the Rodney House, that's a sample of this season I'm truly never going to get tired of. Everything else, however, well that was a little topsy-turvy. The Supertasks have gotten their act together and Ordinals it seems can no longer hope to get by on good vibes and a can-do attitude. Some strategy is in order for the Ordinals and it seems like Shego's the one taking initiative which could be bad for the others. Can the others catch up, and can Tenpenny keep his secret dealings under wraps now that the most famous detective in fiction is on to him?

I'd love to tell you truthfully, but thing is that's all in the future, and even I don't know what happens over there.

Looks like we'll just have to find out together, next time, on Total Drama Homespun!"

...

---

Current Rankings:

23rd - Raggedy Ann

22nd - Turanga Leela

21st - Gary Smith

20th - Entrapta

19th - Guzma

---

Five down, eighteen to go.

Guzma was a character I know some of you were pretty excited about, and I know there're going to be people sad to see him leaving so soon. But I'll be honest in a cast as good as the one you guys gave me, it's basically going to be all tough cuts. Besides not every elimination can be as feel-good as Entrapta's.

What did feel good was getting a chance to try and write the Mystery Flesh Pit. Trevor Robert's worldbuilding is an excellent read and one I highly recommend, going through it with a fine comb made me nostalgic for all the worlds I had to research for Endless. Hopefully, you guys enjoyed this one as much as I did.

Next time on Homespun, Chris having begun to understand the levels of madness he's working with here does his best to push the House to its extreme. The results are naturally disastrous, though this time it's all according to plan.