Muse

by crushed2

Brittany Pierce left everything behind in Ohio in hopes of finding a new beginning in New York City, and by everything she meant her trust in people and her passion for performing. A chance encounter with a beautiful model may just change all of that.

22. Chapter 22

It was after their third round of lovemaking that Brittany came clean. Santana was all soft and glowing. Tired, that good kind of tired, and she was just about ready to relax, to finally relax. She was home, with Brittany, if even for a short time.

Then Brittany spoke. She took her finger and wiped the sweat from Santana's brow and tasted the after effects of their lovemaking efforts. Santana smiled into those eyes, those eyes, those beautiful blue eyes. She smiled softly at Brittany and Brittany just blurted it out.

Stan was visiting soon, as soon as he could coordinate a visit with Melissa. They would come together. She wanted to see them both, and Stan needed a break from Gail. She was wearing him down, and he was getting so tired. Brittany could hear it in his voice. He needed a break.

Her aunt, the one person who had tried to be true with her when she was first old enough to understand, was coming as well. They hadn't even spoken. Brittany has been avoiding it...she doesn't know why. She just gave the go ahead to Stan. Just tell her she's welcome to come to New York with them.

Santana was hit with a ton of emotions. Guilt, for not being there. Sadness, because Brittany and Stan were going through so much. Anger, from being excluded. Apparently everyone knew. Well her family, not her friends. Her mother knew. Her abuela and aunt Gladys knew. Fucking Nani and Lexi knew. Nani and Lexi, she may have been angriest at them, Nani especially. She and Nani didn't have these kinds of secrets. They put each other first, and Lexi...Lexi is her best friend. The elders, yeah, they worry and try and protect and are borderline irrational with the overprotectiveness sometimes, Nani too. But Lexi? Lexi has always kept it real with her. Nani and Lexi? She was torn between feeling hurt and angry.

She chose angry.

Nani could have said something at any time. They talk often. She chose to hide it from her, and Santana chooses to be mad. Nani is her safe space to be angry. They can do that with one another, vent, and the other meets them where they're at, and they argue and threaten each other and then talk it out. But they're both getting too old, too tired, too challenged by real life to maybe do that anymore. Since the Lexi thing they don't interact that way anymore. Something has changed. Something has changed in both of them, as if they're still afraid they'll break. Time will fix it. They both need time, for different reasons. They just started feeling like themselves around one another again. They can't challenge this yet, or maybe they can.

Or maybe this is a case for Sexy Lexi. Maybe she has to speak to Lexi, because for the first time there are significant others included and she doesn't want to make anyone start to treat Brittany differently because she's turning into a nut. So she will go to the person she used to talk things out with when her family and her friends at the club wouldn't do. She'll go to the person who used to know how to keep it real with her, but Lexi and Santana haven't really enjoyed their friendship in that intimate way since she's been with Nani, and by intimate she means the ability to speak deeply and not the ability to move together naked. There may actually really be only one person on the outside of all of this that she can safely speak to, and she feels insane for even considering it.

On another note, Santana has the solution to their problems, but Brittany might not like it. Hell, even the label might not like it. Still, she was going to run it by them. She's been thinking a lot and she's got it all figured out, but it will come at a cost. People, well some people, they're vultures, and vultures need something to feed off of or they die, and Santana decided that it won't be her. She's tired of being paranoid, and she realizes that she's always known that exposure would be the inevitable if she ever made it.

Her paranoia is mostly because of Brittany potentially being exposed.

People in the public eye have been paying people to go away for years. They have been paying for silence for years. For peace. To hide their flaws, or their felonies. It all seems so seedy, and yet sometimes it's just expected. Throw something out there, anything, and maybe somebody famous will write you a check so it doesn't impact their career. Santana wants the world to know from the start that she won't be one of those people.

Brittany chose never to dance again, to hide her passion, her talent, so that by chance her star wouldn't rise and in turn bring her secrets to light. Then the universe in all of its irony brought Santana to her, and those secrets will likely come to light anyway, maybe on a far greater scale than they would have if she had chosen to become a professional dancer.

What is done in the dark always comes to light, at least that's what her elders say.

"Brittany, you should have called me, you should have told me what was going on," Santana sighed.

"You were working, working on your dreams, and there was nothing you could do about this. You left me in great hands. I appreciate them all, Santana, including our therapist. Aren't you about to go overseas to promote the song since the movie is about to be released over there?"

"That's a couple of weeks away, we could have scheduled the visit while I was here."

"I have to work around Melissa and my aunt. Stan is the only one who isn't working."

"Britt, I have to be here. I have to."

"No you don't Santana, I will be okay."

Santana sighed. "This isn't right. I don't want this if I can't be there for the people I love."

"You want this Santana. You want this more than anything."

"Not more than you."

"I'm not asking you to choose, Santana. I'm telling you that you can have both and neither has to suffer right now."

"You'll suffer."

"I won't, because your family promised to be there for me."

"My family doesn't know the whole story."

"I know," Brittany sighed.

"Britt, I know you're strong, and if you had to do this alone you would. You survived before you ever met me, and you would survive this no matter what. I know you have my family, but only Nani knows about the pictures, and I doubt that she even told Lexi because Nani would guard this the way I would guard it, and it has nothing to do with trust. Lexi wouldn't give a shit, wouldn't judge, but she knows to betray you is to betray me and she wouldn't do that for anyone."

"I know Santana, although I also know some people tell their significant others everything and so I'm not sure if I would have seen it as a betrayal. I never directly told her not to tell anyone. I just trusted that she knew how to handle delicate matters."

"She does," Santana sighed and then went quiet and thoughtful.

"What is it honey?"

"I've been thinking, and maybe we can discuss this when we do our couples session with the therapist, but Brittany, I know what I want to do. I know what I would do if there were only me to consider."

"What's that honey?

Santana sighed. "I want to tell my story my way. I don't want to be forced to tell it. I don't want to be threatened with it or have Sue threatening people to keep it secret. It's my truth, and it will come out. Let it come out my way. Let it come out our way, Brittany."

Brittany remained silent but Santana could see see the fear in her eyes, could feel the tension in her body. Santana gently rubbed Brittany's body to calm her as she continued to state her case.

"I want to tell my story, I'm not sure I even have to tell yours but it will come out, Britt, and just like when I posed at the art institute it was me making a statement to the world and reclaiming myself this is very much the same thing. I'm going to do it and I know exactly how I'm going to do it. I want to release "Don't leave your girl around me". That's my song, my interviews for my projects will follow that. It's not connected to Camille in any way. It exposes my past life. I had a lot of fun with a lot of women and an open attitude about sex. It's all coming out anyway. It's who I was, a gay woman who had a lot of fun but was straight forward with the women I had that fun with. After I drop the single I immediately want to tell my story, like a week or two after it drops so we see what it does on it's own. While telling my story I want to announce a foundation I'm creating. A foundation called 'Stronger Than Shame'. A foundation for people who have been sexually exploited on the internet. Revenge Porn, stolen sex tapes, photos stolen on the internet...anything where someone has been sexually violated or exposed on the internet against their will. A victim rising like a phoenix from the ashes. A story of overcoming and conquering. Sure, some people will still call us sluts but they would call us that with our clothes on sometimes too. People are judgmental assholes. But we can control the narrative, Britt. We can become the heroes instead of the villains in the story, and people love a good origin story. They'll support me, Britt, they'll support us, because we're marketing our pain in the right way, not the way the tabloids would market it. If anybody is going to benefit from our pain it's us, and people who suffered like us. Not the fucking bloggers and rags, Britt. I didn't go through all of that for them. I didn't almost die for them. I always needed to make it mean something and I found ways to do that, but nothing would make it all mean something more than this would."

Brittany looked at Santana as Santana pulled her closer, kissing her forehead. "I can do this without outing your situation Brittany, or we can go through it together at the same time and my sex tape will be a shield for you, because that's far worse than a few naughty pictures. I'm going to do this, for me, one way or another. But I also need to know that it won't cause you harm. I will take whatever precautions I can, but I need to do this. This is my final step in my healing. From betrayal and exposure to eating disorder and near death. From music and healing and personal recovery to nude model. From nude model to pianist and guitarist. From club entertainer to professional singer. From feeling unlovable to feeling so completely loved by someone. This is me, Santana Lopez, finally whole."

Brittany smiled into the most perfect brown eyes, looking hopefully at her for approval. "It's a great idea honey. It's genius, actually. I mean it's so brilliant."

"But you're afraid."

"I am," Brittany admitted.

"Me too, Britt, me too. But this is not going to happen in a day, or even a month. We have time, but not a lot if I have my way. I need to talk to my team, and then the label, and then find out what it takes to start a foundation and get it support and start it. I want to write a statement, tell my story, and launch the foundation all from my own social media. I want it slick and clean and I want Lance to handle the website. I want to tell him everything I'm telling you now that you know, I want to tell him my vision so that when I present it to the label the site is there for them to see in a timely manner. I want to already have the statement written when I present it to them, at least the foundation of the statement. I want this, and I want it my way."

"That's wonderful honey, but why now?"

"I'm tired of being paranoid. I got my first endorsement offer, from a really popular motorcycle apparel company. If I go into business with anyone I insist that they know so there's no fallout later, but I'm not telling another soul. Hell, they may already know but unless they say that they do I'm not assuming, and so I told my team to try and hold off the offer, to ask them to shelve it for six months and I promised not to sign with another apparel company in that time. Told them the timing was wrong, but if this goes right, Britt, it could actually make them offer me more money, and the money they're offering is already really good, but not nearly good enough for how big I intend to become after I start working on my own. I'm going to show them some edge with "Girl" and I'm going to want to get paid my true worth, even though the offer is a generous one, it's just not a Santana Lopez offer. I want that to be a standard. I want people to know that when they make me an offer they're making Santana Lopez an offer and she's worth it, so make the offer a good one. I want to truly get my career started with a new freedom, and that starts by removing my mask and exposing myself to the world again, on my own terms."

Brittany thought for a moment. "You're right, honey. If this is what you really want, do this. Do it for you."

Santana let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you for supporting me honey, and I want you to think about what I said. If you think your mother is up to something tell your story. My grandmother used to say 'tell the truth and shame the devil'. If you tell your truth, all of it, your mother becomes the villain she has always been in your story, and she's at your mercy of how much of her villainous ways you'll expose. How she tried to out you to your new girlfriend, how she made you feel unloved because of it, how it made you stop dancing. you can tell, or the threat of your ability to tell may be enough to scare her into submission. Shame the devil, Britt. Tell your truth, and use my truth to lessen the glare on it. What do you think the public will be more interested in seeing...naked photos of a beautiful blonde touching herself or Santana Lopez eating pussy and working a strap? This is not a flex because personally I'd choose your hot photos but they're going to be focused on that video, Brittany, and by the time that focus lessens your pictures will be mild in comparison. Just think about it, doll, don't decide without careful thought and speaking to our therapist. If you do this though you never have to worry about it coming out again. We deal with this for the last time, and we will be stronger than our shame when we do."

Brittany smiled nervously but Santana made some very convincing points and she knew it. They both knew deep inside that Brittany would come around, but that there would also be a lot of changing her mind before she was solid in her decision. Santana just hopes that they do it at the same time, because she wants to shield her from the worst of the storm.

Santana wasn't happy to learn all that transpired while she was away that Brittany didn't share with her. She was even less happy to learn that her family knew and didn't share it either. She needed someone to be angry with, and Nani was always the easiest person. They would fight, and they'd get it out, and Santana didn't leave a lot of scorched earth behind her. She had no true reason to be angry with Nani, no true reason to be angry with Lexi or anyone else. They all looked out for her girl while she was away. They looked out for her. She just needed to breathe before she made it hard for anyone to want to look out for Brittany for fear of upsetting her. There was only one person aside from her therapist that she could speak to about this, she decided, and she couldn't believe that she was about to make this phone call.

"Hello?"

"Hola Wolf. Que pasa?

"Hey chiquita. Holy shit, you finally realized that you can actually talk to your papi on that ringy thing in your pocket?"

"You have a ringy thing too, you know."

"You're a busy woman. Plus, I always get your machine. which is always full."

"Yeah, I'm getting a new phone. I can't let go of this number because people have it who I actually might not mind hearing from but a lot of chicks have this number too, and every one of them has been trying to reach me the past couple of months."

Wolf laughed. "You been looking mighty fine to them on that tv set, Snixx. You should hear the shit I hear when we meet up with some of those clubs. They can't wait for you to show up on another ride so that you can give them another ride."

"Not gonna happen."

"I tried telling them but they don't listen. You ever try telling a woman no?"

"All of the time."

"Yeah, I'm learning too nena. I'm getting pussy thrown at me like confetti now, and I was getting more than my fair share before. Thankfully I'm partaking in very little these days. Just my old faithfuls."

"The drought is over, huh?"

"Was never a drought kiddo, jut a short break, and then I just slowed the pussy stream down to a trickle. I don't need to bang a dozen chicks a week anymore."

"Just half a dozen, huh?"

"Give or take," Wolf laughed. "Listen, baby steps Snixx. We can't all pick up a main squeeze at the drop of a dime like you. "

"Wolf, what made you settle down with mami? Could you not tell her no?" Santana dared to ask. It's not the reason she called, but she could never get an answer out of her mother and so she always wanted to go to the source. She guesses that today is that day.

"Your mami was the love of my life. Just because I couldn't keep it in my pants doesn't make it less so. She didn't want to marry me. Let's just say that you inherited your charms from me. You know how it is. There's a lot of beautiful women out there, and the more off limits you are the more they want you and the more they'll chase you. If you don't know that yet, you will soon."

"I know it Wolf, I just won't fall for it."

"Of course your mami is beautiful, and when I met her I had the same thought that I had with all of them...maybe we'll have a little fun, make a little noise in the bedroom, go back to our lives. Your mami wasn't a have a little fun kind of woman. She made me work, and a part of me liked that. She knew I was dating other women, we were not exclusive. She said that was what dating was for, to weed out what you want and what you don't want, and so she didn't demand that I be exclusive with her in the beginning. I liked that. I liked the freedom of that. I maybe misinterpreted what that meant or made it fit what I wanted it to mean. Who knows? All I heard was that I could date other women and still see her. That was before we slept together."

Santana remained silent and let him speak. This is the history she wondered about. How did her family end up this way? How did she end up like Wolf of all people?

"Your mom, she's just the best woman I've ever had, and the only woman I've ever made love to. You're an adult and you've had enough pussy to last you a lifetime so I'm going to talk to you like an adult. She is hands down the only woman I ever loved. Wasn't even sure I knew how to love anyone until I loved her...and you."

"You didn't know how to love anyone. Maybe you're starting to learn now."

"Touche Snixx. You're right, I didn't know how to do it but I knew how to feel it, and those feelings at first made me want to do everything right in the world and when I couldn't they scared the shit out of me. Fatherhood scared the shit out of me once I had a daughter. I'm glad I did. If I had a son he may have been exactly like me, because my words wouldn't have matched my actions. He wouldn't have seen me living the way I would have tried to teach him to live. You came close to becoming a mini me, and that was scary enough. I wanted more for you. I wanted you to be able to maintain a relationship. I'm glad you got that part from your mami."

"Man, I'm not so sure, Wolf. I thought I knew how to do this, and I can, but that selfish, self preservation thing always gets in the way with us fucking Lopezes."

"What the hell are you talking about, Snixx? Did you fuck around on Brittany?"

"Never gonna happen, Wolf," Santana said sternly. "My lady is going through some shit, though. I knew it was there when I left, knew I would try and do my best to be there but deep down knew that I wouldn't be able to pull it off. I left everybody looking after her, and they did it so well nobody bothered to even tell me when the shit started to hit the fan for her."

"So wait a minute, you're comparing work and achieving your dream to abandoning your woman?"

"Both things can be true. It's an age old story, Wolf."

"Snixx, you're talking crazy, and honestly you sound like I did when I started fucking up with your mami. I loved her so much, loved you so much, and I had this grand idea in my head of what I had to be for her, for you both. When I couldn't live up to it I just decided to fuck it all up. I was fucking up anyway in my mind. It was too late when I realized what you mami really needed from me. Now I'm too fucking angry I messed up with you two to ever want to give it to anybody else. Brittany doesn't want you to be anything but human and honest, and the expectations you're placing on yourself are beyond human capacity."

Santana remained quiet.

"It's bullshit Snixx. I thought I had to be the breadwinner, let my lady stay at home and raise the rugrat." Santana laughed at the term. "Thought I had to stop driving trucks and stay closer to home, protect my family. I gave up the road, kept my bike, though. Your mami told me I didn't have to, but I wanted to be close, because that's what a man's supposed to do. I couldn't be driving long haul and stopping by a few days a month and being a husband and father. Couldn't be sure that if I was away for so long that I would be able to keep my dick to myself without being caught. But I missed it, Snixx. It was a mistake. I'm made for the road."

Santana shook her head in understanding, and even though he couldn't see her he knew that she understood.

"Then I saw Marcel being everything for Nani and Gladys and I wasn't fucking pulling it off. I couldn't plant my feet firmly enough to do what I had to do. First I started working as a mechanic, working on bikes and cars, but it only reminded me of not being on the road. So I started working construction and that shit wasn't for me, but the money was good and so I stuck to it, and I resented it, and I resented how I got there. I never resented you, though, not your mami either, really, just resented what I thought I needed to become knowing I was failing miserably."

Santana shook her head in understanding once again.

"And I resented not being who I knew I was, and not being free. You're a singer, Snixx, and music is in you...more than it was in your mami, more than it was in your Aunt Gladys. It's in you like the road is in me, and if you try and be anything different you'll resent it, because this is your dream. You may accept it, you may even fall more naturally into something new more than I ever could, but deep down inside you'll know what you missed out on, and it will haunt you, even more now that you've touched the dream."

Santana couldn't believe this was coming from Wolf, and she was understanding it all on his level. She and Wolf had never talked like this, had never talked this much. This was strange...beautifully strange.

"Nena, Brittany wants you to dream. I don't know a lot about her but she seems like the type that has no problem trying to figure her shit out for herself. She doesn't need you to try and be her everything. Your mami didn't need that from me, either. No real woman does. When she needs you, trust her to reach out to you, and let her know that you'll be there when she does."

"I always will, Wolf."

"I know Snixx." Wolf paused and Santana waited for him to speak again. "Snixx, I'm really sorry you know."

Santana knew what he was apologizing for, he was apologizing for all of those years he missed, all of the times he let her down.

"I turned out okay, Wolf," Santana said. She couldn't absolve him, but she was getting less angry by the day.

"I should have taught you this, been an example while you were growing up. You're trying to overcompensate for what I didn't give you and your mami. Just give her your best, your very best, not the half hearted shit I gave your mami when I decided to run back to my old life. Protect her, but don't think that she always needs your protection, and trust the people who love you to love her too. I haven't checked in because I know that you and I are on shaky ground, but if you want me to help her with anything you let me know and I'll do it. I've got your back, Snixx. I've finally got your back."

"And I'm finally starting to believe you, Wolf."

"And she's gotta protect you too, Snixx. It goes both ways, and that's what she's doing...protecting you. She's leaning on the protection that you left her...your support system, and she is leaving room for you to work towards your dreams. She knows you're there Snixx, and because she knows it she'll be okay wherever you are."

"You don't know what's going on with her, Wolf. This is huge. It's a combination of huge things."

"And you have a combination of huge things going on as well. You're just getting started Snixx. You've made some noise in the industry, and right now they're watching you closely to see if you're a fluke or if you can live up to all of that noise. You've done something, and at the same time you've done nothing, that's the way they see it. Lightening is always going to strike somewhere, but if it strikes in the same place twice they know they've got something worth investing in. Worry about your career right now Snixx. Light their asses up! Your lady will be okay. We've got her, and if you need to trust me and tell me what she has going on and what she needs, I'll do what needs to be done for her, and for you."

Santana was quiet for a while. She doesn't think she's ever talked with Wolf like this, and she had no idea until that moment what she had been missing. This shit was real, and sometimes the best advice comes from people who had it all and lost it.

"Let me talk to her," Santana replied.

"And that ringy thing in your pocket, use it to call me when you need me nena, and even when you don't. I'll always answer now, I promise."

"That ringy thing works both ways, Wolf," Santana smiled, before hanging up the phone.

The conversation with Wolf had calmed Santana. She wasn't angry, and she didn't want to scare people off from building their own relationships with Brittany, and so she had to stand down. She had to. She couldn't have people thinking that being there for Brittany compromised their relationships with her. She had to grow up and just do whatever she could do.

And so she sat down, and began working on a new song...a song that was critical to freeing herself, and maybe Brittany too.

Then Santana set up a therapy session for her and Brittany. She couldn't wait two more weeks. She had a mission inside of her, and she felt like she was racing the clock, racing Brittany's mom, and the internet, and Dani, and the world. She had to present her ideas, and hear what Brittany was feeling, and open the door for the two of them to talk, because Santana was going to do what she had to do for herself, no matter how much she loved Brittany. But she knows that she matters too. You don't stop mattering just because you fall in love. She knows that she's worthy of peace, and it took her a long time to find it. Not having it almost killed her. She can't let fear take her back there...not her own fear, and not Brittany's fear either.

So Santana and Brittany went to see the therapist, and they both opened up about their fears and what they discussed and Santana's insistence that she had to do this now. By the time the session was over Brittany felt more comfortable about Santana outing herself, but she still was on the fence about whether she would do the same. It was okay. All Santana needed from her right then was to know that she had her support and that it wouldn't cause any resentments between them. Brittany gave her blessing, and Santana went back to work.

She wrote that song...that powerful song, and it all spilled out of her so quickly. She let the deepest emotions set in, the hardest memories, and she wrote from the depths of her soul, from the pits of her own hell. Her song. Her story. Her truth.

And then the strangest thing happened, when she felt she had it all on paper she couldn't put the pad down because her whole truth was spilling from her soul that day, and so she sat at the piano and finished Brittany's song. Maybe being all vulnerable and raw opened everything up because it didn't feel so hard to express everything. That song held love and gratitude and hope. All of the good things she didn't think she'd ever have after that tape. She had written about the valleys in her life, and then she wrote about the peaks.

After the support she had just gotten, and the personal therapy session she had as she purged her soul by setting it to music, she was ready.

Her team was not.

Sue thought the idea was horrible. She thought it best that she just blackmail and attack all in her wake to keep Santana safe. Santana had to laugh at the seriousness in her tone, and at how Sue thought her plan would never fail because she would annihilate anything in her path to protect those in her charge. Santana told her that sounds exhausting, and that she was going to do it her way, and nobody was going to stop her.

It was Will who had to step in and try and play mediator, even though he wasn't so sure about Santana's plan either. He thought that it was too early in her career, but Santana said it's her life, and if her opportunities dry up before she makes her first million dollars she'll live with that. She reminded them that she has people to pay and not a lot of money to keep them fed yet, and if she has to start spending money on damage control and lawsuits there will be even less, and she's not doing this to feed everybody and not be able to feed her own family. She's not going to keep turning down lucrative endorsements out of fear that she'll be sued for non disclosure once the tape comes out. She's doing this, and in the end there will be more to go around for everybody.

Suddenly Santana's idea didn't seem so bad to them at all.

And so Santana went to Cal, and she asked for a meeting with everyone. She went herself, because she doesn't like hiding behind Sue and Will. She went to Cal first, because she almost felt like the man was becoming a friend. At the very least she knew he was protective of her career and that was enough for now. She had friends, and it would take her time to trust new ones now. She needed him to agree to this from a business standpoint.

He didn't agree.

"Cal, this will work and I need to present this to them. You wanted to listen to a song? They want a ballad? Well I have both. I have the most powerful, soul stirring ballad for this moment in my life, and I can play it for you right now."

Now she was speaking Cal's language. Cal smiled at how good Santana was becoming at speaking his language.

"How good is this ballad, Santana?"

"I'll let you decide. You'll be the first to hear it."

"So I'm guessing it's not your girlfriend's song?"

"It's not. We already laid out our terms for that song, and after you hear this one you won't need it, because this has to be released after 'Girl'. I'm setting the stage. I'm creating my own image, my own narrative, one I can be comfortable with. I don't want to be something the music industry created, or the public created. I was created by Olivia and Mateo Lopez. I'm their creation, and I tweaked her to perfection, at least perfection for myself. Support me on this Cal, and I'll give you that gold record I promise. I promise, Cal."

Cal sighed, "A lot of people have made those kinds of promises, Santana."

"But my promises are as good as gold, Cal," Santana winked. "I know what you did for me, and I won't mess it up. I know you took a chance, stuck your neck out for me, and I'm singing my ass off to prove you right, Cal. I'm not only driven for myself and my family and my music. I'm driven so that I can prove you right and them wrong. I'm committed to that, Cal. I love to prove people wrong," Santana smiled charmingly.

"You're going to do this with or without my blessing, aren't you, Santana?"

"Your opinion means the world to me, Cal. I consider you a mentor. I don't want to cross you, I want you to see my vision. I'm not going rogue on you. Let me play the song for you. Think about it for a day or two. Let me know how you feel. I respect you and appreciate you too much to cross you, Cal. I can only do this if you stand by me."

Cal shook his head in understanding. Santana seemed sincere. He also knew that she was shrewd. He didn't know what to believe, but he had a feeling she would do this with or without his blessing eventually. He mind as well hear the song and sit with it to see if he could give her that blessing.

"Play it for me, Santana."

Santana played around on her phone and pulled up the song. She pressed play and the man's office filled with the most beautiful opening notes to a song. It felt promising.

And then her voice broke through, vulnerable, soft, sad, haunting. there was even this beautiful crack in one of her notes that felt real and raw before the song turned from despair to triumph.

And Santana fucking sang. She belted out the end of that song like she's won, like she's won every race ever ran, every lottery ever played, every game the universe put in her path. She's won it, and people may love her or hate her for it but she's okay. She's stronger now.

Santana's eyes never left his face, and he didn't want to look at her because if he did she'd know...she'd know that she was winning again. She had him on the ropes, and by that ending he looked into her eyes and he saw a vulnerability he'd never seen before. When the song finished she didn't give him a chance to answer. By the look in his eyes she knew that she had him on the ropes, and if she sang it live she would knock his ass right out.

"Cal, you think there's a space open with a piano. Take me to the studio right now, and I will sing that song for you better than I sang it there. Then you have that meeting and you have it somewhere that there's a piano, and I will sell that song for you. I will sell it to the suits I promise. This is what they wanted. They want 'Deeper' 2.0 out of me, and this is it."

Cal didn't want to speak, he didn't want his thoughts to betray him. Cal still loved music, loved it like the first day he ever truly felt it, and he loved this song.

Cal picked up his phone and called to find an available space with a piano where Santana could sing the song privately for him.

"Follow me," Cal said, and Santana did as she was asked.

They rode the elevator up to the top floor, where there was a huge event space where they held office parties. The space resembled a traditional ballroom, and near the corner of the room there was a grand piano.

"There you go," Cal said and Santana sat at the piano and tinkered on the keys for a moment. Cal took his phone out.

"Mind if I record?"

"Just for you, right? If you agree to this thing I want to play this for them and the effect won't be the same if they already know of the song. Can you just keep this all to yourself so that I can do this my way if you decide to get on board?"

"Sure Santana. You and your visions," he smiled, pulling out his phone.

"I'm an artist, that's what I do, I visualize things before they materialize," Santana smiled.

"Trust me Santana, all of this will be top secret until we decide if a meeting needs to take place, and then I'll let you do it as you laid it out to me."

"I appreciate you, Cal."

"And I respect you, Santana. Play your song for me."

And Santana did. She sat at the piano and played those haunting, solemn, opening notes, and when she sang her soul spilled out in every note. She didn't try to sing quietly. She didn't hold back. This song...this song that flowed from her soul so quickly and whose lyrics were no trouble to memorize because they were the essence of her...this song made Cal feel everything this poor girl had been through, and he realized more than ever that it was far more than he ever imagined, and by the time she got to that magnificent ending he knew she had him. She had his blessing.

When Santana finished she just sat at the piano, looking down at the keys. Something happens to her every time she performs this song...something healing. She hopes it can help to heal others as well. She hopes most of all that it can help to heal Brittany.

Cal just recorded her for a minute longer. She was an artist. She has the soul of an artist, and he just wanted that image...the image of this tiny girl playing this big piano and singing like no one would ever imagine she could and afterwards, looking down at the keys with gratitude...gratitude that it was the music that saved her. It was the music that set her free.

Cal finally stopped recording. "Santana?"

"Yes?" Santana asked, finally breaking free from her thoughts and looking up at the man.

"I'll set that meeting up for you as soon as possible."

Santana smiled softly at the man. "Thank you, Cal."

Cal smiled, "You knew I would."

Santana chuckled. "Yeah Cal, I knew that you would."

Cal just smiled and chuckled in return.

"Cal?"

"Yes?"

"You think that maybe you can get them to have the meeting when this week's numbers for 'Deeper' come in?"

"You feeling confident?" Cal smirked.

"Song's doing well Cal, don't think it'll fall this week."

"I don't think so either. Been rising steadily on the charts each week. You think this week will be the week?"

"Don't want to think that far ahead," Santana said, shaking her head.

"But you already are, or you wouldn't be asking me to schedule the meeting after the numbers come in."

"You know me too well, Cal," Santana smiled and Cal laughed.

"It's not a bad idea actually. I'll try and make it happen."

"Timing is everything, Cal. It's a gamble, but I appreciate you giving it a shot."

"Let's make it happen, Santana," Cal said, a playful smile crossing his face.

Santana spent the rest of the week trying to finish working on two more tracks. She was in the studio when Cal walked in and listened for a moment. When the music stopped Santana hung up her headset and stepped outside of the booth.

"Hey Cal."

"Hey Santana. Sounds good."

"Thanks. Pushing hard just like you guys asked me too."

"I knew that you would. Tomorrow afternoon Santana, 4:00, bring your 'A' game."

"The only game I know how to play," Santana answered seriously with a smile.

"Are you nervous?"

"No. I'm too focused to be nervous."

"Glad to hear it. Will Sue be there?"

"She will, but I need to speak for myself. This is my story to tell. I hope I can be convincing enough on my own."

"Good luck Santana. I think you're going to need it."

"We all need good luck in this life, Cal. No matter what happens I'll be alright."

"That's the spirit."

"Thanks for the support Cal."

"You're welcome, Santana."

Santana went back into the booth and went back to work. After these tracks she would have 11 tracks completed. She'd record about 16 tracks, and then the process of deciding which tracks make the album would begin. It wouldn't be easy. Santana has come to love each of the tracks, but mainly she wants the ones that she wrote to make it. They're all her babies, but those are her favorite children so to speak. She also gets both writing and production credits on those songs, so that means something to her, too. She's hoping the label agrees to put her own voice on her project. She doesn't want to push her luck by advocating vigorously for herself time and time again. There's a thin line between love and hate, and she needs them to love her until she becomes too lucrative to them for them to ever hate her.

Still, if she had to she would do so, and the good and bad thing is that the people around her are beginning to know it.

In Santana's mind, if she's going to lose it all she's not going to sell out and in the end lose everything anyway. There is more to lose than her career. She knows that, because she has lost and rebuilt so much in her life before. So no, she would not have any more reasons to log onto the computer and feel humiliated. No more reasons to log on and feel ashamed. If all she had was one album, one album she was proud of, and maybe a few bucks and knowledge she could parlay into another type of career in the music business, then she would be alright. It's all going to work out as it should, and more importantly she's never going to feel like she felt that moment she first saw herself with a woman online again.

She had never recounted the horror of it all but she was ready to now, with Brittany, in their next couple's session. She wants her to know she understands how she feels right now, the fear of the memories of that moment...that moment when your dignity crumbles and falls into a million tiny shards of glass, and life begins to drag your dying spirit across that glass, cutting and bruising it in ways that you think will never heal.

But they do heal, for those who like Santana, discover that they're stronger than their shame. She knows it, and soon, with all she has in her, she will stand by Brittany as Brittany discovers that as well. She's going to finish this album, but not in a rushed way. It will be done right. She's motivated by the label, sure, but more than anything she's motivated because she needs time to be by Brittany's side and the more she has done, the more likely they will be to give her a few days to do that. She's tired, and even worse...she's not eating right.

It's not like before, not some attempt to punish herself. Not some indecisive measure as she ponders whether she should live or die. It's fatigue and stress, and nobody sees it yet. Still, she's lost 4 pounds, which isn't a lot, but it will be unless she pulls herself together. She's glad that meeting is coming, and she needs it to go well. She needs it, because her health depends on it. Her mental health, and apparently her physical health as well.

That night she went home to Brittany tired, so tired, and her body ached. She wondered why. She tried to hide, she had been hiding for a while now, but Brittany has also known for a while that Santana was overworking herself. She made Santana her tea and as she sat on the couch, quiet, Brittany made herself a cup of hot chocolate and joined her.

"Are you okay, honey?" Brittany asked.

"Just tired baby."

"You're overworking yourself, you can't finish an album in a week."

"I'm sure someone has," Santana said, "but I'm not trying to do that. I want to put out quality work."

"I understand, but you need rest to do that."

"I know doll. Trust me, I'm resting."

"You're trying to finish to get back to me, and I promise you I'm not going anywhere."

"I'd just like a little time with my lady. I'd like to have the energy to make love to you the way that I know you love me to. Quickies are nice, but taking my time with you is even nicer."

"I have no complaints regarding our love life, Santana. Not one."

"Must have been a lot of fun for you last night when you went down on me and 5 minutes after I came I was passed out like a drunk in a winery."

"Actually, it was a whole lot of fun," Brittany smiled. "And an ego boost as you like to say."

Santana chuckled, "but that did nothing for you."

"Now Santana, as a woman who has loved women for far longer than I have you know that's not true."

Santana smiled, "you have a point."

"I had a wonderful time last night. It relaxed me to be able to help you relax. It makes me happy to take care of you, Santana."

"It makes me happy to take care of you too, Britt. Just don't feel like I'm doing the best job at it lately. I know that's my thing to get over, and I will, but I just really want to be there for you when your family comes. This is a big moment in your life. I shouldn't be missing moments like these where you may need me. I know you can do it without me, but you shouldn't have to."

"I'm not, Santana. I have Nani, and your mom, and your abuela and your aunt and your friends. They're all you. There all there for me because of you. You gave that to me. And I have you Santana, in my heart, knowing that you'd scorch the Earth for me. Knowing that you'd spend your first 10 million dollars to burn my mother's life to the ground and pay people to piss on the ashes...your words not mine."

Santana laughed. "Lucky for her with all of the people that need to get paid when you're an artist it's going to take me a little while to get that 10 million."

"Not with the way you're working. Not with the music you're making."

"I got offered my first endorsement deal."

"Santana, that's amazing!"

"Got the offer more than a week ago."

"So why didn't you mention it before?"

"Because I'm not taking it, not right now. It's for a motorcycle apparel company and I do like their stuff, I'd make that shit look good, but I'll consider it after I make my pitch to the execs about 'Stronger than Shame'. Plus, everything is about me now, and after what you told me about your family I just wanted to focus on you for a while. I don't feel right with so much of the focus being on me."

"It's not, Santana, it's just that what you have going on is big and exciting and the culmination of dreams coming true. It's very exciting to watch someone's dreams come true. Everybody is so happy and proud and excited Santana, everybody except you right now it seems, because you're busy worrying about me when I don't need to be worried about."

"It's not just you doll, I mean, I've come to terms with things, but I really want the label's support in launching 'Stronger than Shame', and I'm not so sure they'll do this for an unestablished artist that they never wanted to take a chance on in the first place. I'm banking a lot on the success of 'Deeper'. The song is continuing to make a lot of noise. It's charting well. It broke the top 3 last week on the pop charts, it's almost guaranteed to hit number one overseas. If it hits number one here my stock goes up with the label. The numbers come out tomorrow, and I hope by tomorrow morning Camille and I have the number one song in the country, because if we do I walk into that meeting tomorrow with an ace up my sleeve."

"You have a meeting tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Santana sighed. "I'm pitching 'Stronger than Pride'. I even wrote a song to go with it. Played it for Cal. Want to hear it?"

"Of course I do," Brittany said excitedly.

Santana got up and went to the piano. She could have just played it on her phone for her, but she didn't want her to hear it that way the first time that she heard it. This song was her story, and she wanted to tell it to her on a personal level.

"Come sit with me, doll," Santana said, patting the bench and making room for her.

Brittany came and sat next to her. As usual Santana's hands danced across the keys mindlessly. It always calmed her. She knew that Brittany loved listening to her play, loved hearing her new music, but Santana always kept her music close to her until it was perfect, and then she loved the look in Brittany's eyes when she would listen to her play. Her eyes danced. This woman was born to dance, and Santana always played hoping that she would. She hasn't, not yet, but her eyes...they dance.

Santana smiled softly at her before playing the opening notes to the song. She didn't dare look into the blonde's eyes, not then. Surely she would burst into tears if she did. This song, this song is her soul, battered and bruised and laid out for the world to see. This song, only a few people have seen her this way. Nani, for sure. Everyone else has gotten only tiny glimpses, and it scarred them forever. Quinn maybe most of all out of all of her friends. Now Brittany will see it, see it all. She'll hear it, in her own words and she'll know that Santana is speaking for both of them, because this is Brittany's story too. This is the story of thousands of people...people of all ages and genders.

When Santana began to sing, Brittany listened closely...she listened so closely to the words, the pain, the hopelessness and brokenness. She heard it all in the way she sang the words. Santana was telling her story in a way Brittany had never heard it, and she couldn't help but let the tears fall for the woman she loved...and for herself.

Santana sang her haunting and heartbreaking song, and when her voice went silent the music sounded so powerful, even if it was just a girl and her piano, her music, the thing that helped to save her life. When Santana found her voice again, after that beautiful piano solo, it was powerful and strong. It sounded like Brittany imagined hope and strength would sound like, and Santana sang that song like she was singing for an audience of thousands, telling the world that they can't break her again, because she's stronger than her shame now. She felt how Santana must have felt when her power was returning, and Brittany could feel how powerful that moment had felt to Santana. She could feel how Santana was singing to everyone who had lived through a difficult time to rise above it, to rise above the shame. To feel their own power.

When the song ended Santana had tears in her eyes, but she had the brightest smile on her face when her fingers stopped dancing across the keys and her eyes landed on Brittany. She felt like she had finally told Brittany her story...her whole story...and it gave her such a sense of peace that she was filled with happiness.

Brittany's blue eyes were filled with tears.

"I love you, Santana."

"I love you too, Brittany," Santana smiled.

Brittany leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Santana's lips.

"You're beautiful, and that song is the most amazing thing I've ever heard. I can't believe how beautiful the music you make is."

"Thank you Brittany. That means more to me than anything anyone could have said to me."

"We'll do it together, Santana."

"What?" Santana asked, hoping beyond hope that she understood.

"We'll tell our story together. We went through it alone the first time. We never have to go through it alone again. I'm here for you and you're here for me."

"You don't have to."

"I want to, Santana. You and I, we're telling our story on our own terms, and we're never doing it alone again."

"Okay doll, if you're sure."

"You just do what you need to do at that meeting, and I'll be beside you for this journey."

"And each journey that follows, I hope."

"And each journey that follows, Santana."

Brittany and Santana held one another close that night. It was all of the intimacy that they needed. Santana was home, and happy and felt more ready than ever to do what she needed to do.

The next afternoon she felt nervous going into the meeting, but having Sue and Cal there really helped a lot. What helped even more was that Santana woke up that morning and 'Deeper' had moved into the number two slot on the pop charts. Yeah, that was awesome...it was more than awesome. Surprisingly Santana hadn't been obsessively monitoring the charts. Truth be told she still had a hard time embracing this thing called celebrity. Anyone can be a celebrity these days. Some idiot with a million followers because they go to the mall and do dumb shit to strangers is a celebrity these days. They walk red carpets and attend movie premiers. So Santana didn't care as the lightbulbs flashed when she attended Camille's album release party, Brittany still hiding in the shadows then and so unwilling to make an appearance at her side. Santana didn't mind. She was there because she was expected to be there because of their work together. She was out there to fill whatever website or magazine with pictures of who attended what event when she wasn't even a who's who yet. Not in her eyes. She hadn't earned it, but she would. She would by the time her project was finished. So yeah, she's becoming a celebrity, but she knows that one day she will be a star. Now she has to sell that potential to a group of executives who never wanted to give her a chance in the first place and convince them to let her reveal the thing that almost kept them from signing her.

How did she get herself into this mess? These people are going to think she's insane for suggesting such a thing. This may be the first time she won't be able to sway them to a happy middle ground.

Still, she was going to try. She had to. It was a solid idea, a great idea, and she needed to make them see that.

Santana and Sue walked into the room with an air of confidence. They were equal minded in that way...show no weakness. Cal was already there when they were escorted in and greeted the women with a soft smile. Santana was happy to see an ally. As soon as she was seated he took the opportunity to speak.

"Congratulations Santana. 'Deeper' is one step closer to number one."

"Thank you Cal," Santana smiled. She knew he was breaking the ice, reminding the men that she is an important asset in the making to them. She looked at the faces in the room as they smiled brightly and began to clap for her accomplishment.

"Ready to take it overseas?" Gerald, one of the execs in the room, asked.

"Yes, I'm quite excited," Santana acknowledged. "I'm more excited, however, about what I asked you all here for today."

"We're here because Cal said you had that amazing ballad we required for you to release 'Don't leave your girl around me'. Are you saying there's another reason that we're here?" Seth, another exec asked.

"Yes. I have your song, and I think you'll love it, but that song, it's not a love song. Not a traditional one at least. It's a love letter to myself. It tells my story, and what I've overcome, and I'm hoping that it can tell the story of thousands of women, thousands of people, who have overcome and persevered. It's a ballad. It tells my truth in my own words."

"Which truth is that?" Seth asked.

"About what I endured, what I survived, after my sex tape. I never spoke to you guys about it again after the night you offered me the contract. You all knew so much, but you couldn't possibly know it all. I'd like to tell you in my own words, and then sing you my song, and after that I'd like to tell you my ideas on how to truly move past it all. We all know that the tape may never resurface again, but in this day and age it exists somewhere still, threatening me every day, and it's very likely that one day we won't be able to keep it out of the public eye without a legal and public fight. I want to take my power back. I need to, and I need your help to do it."

"And how do we do that?" Larry, another exec asked.

"I have this vision, and it may sound insane to you right now, but please hear me out. You guys know the basics. I was with a girl who was in a band whoa sked me to make a tape with her, for her own personal viewing pleasure I thought. I reluctantly gave her what she asked me for even if my mind was screaming for me not to do it. I was young and in love, and she took that tape and posted it online because she thought it would bring more recognition to her band, maybe even to my career. She didn't do it with malicious intent, but it was also not done with my consent."

Santana paused and took a deep breath before continuing.

"When I first learned that the tape was online I was horrified, and then I spiraled. I couldn't sing for a while, because I felt like everyone who saw me knew, and had seen me in a way I never wanted to be seen outside of the bedroom with the person I loved. I was slut shamed, body shamed, gay bashed, sexualized, told by men what they would do to me to make me a real woman, the comments ran the gamut. I developed an eating disorder. I almost died. I decided to live, but more for the people who loved me than for myself. I had to learn how to piece my self esteem back together. I had to learn how to piece my life back together. I had to learn how to be stronger than my shame.

I took back ownership of my body, learned to love how I looked again, learned to appreciate myself and understand that some people just get off on the power that breaking someone down gives them. I was asked to model at the art institute and that was my final love and acceptance of myself, to be able to show my body in a way I didn't mind it being seen, and to feel beautiful and powerful and in control of my image, my narrative, my story. I want to be in control of my story again."

"And how do you want to do that?" Seth asked.

"I want to be my authentic self. I don't want to be threatened by people ready to out me to tell my story. I want the power to tell it without being forced to. Dani has already emerged, and my friend Lance works endlessly to beat back any mentions he finds of the video, but the bigger I get, the bigger the story gets. Let me get in front of it. I decided long ago I'd never pay anyone for their silence, and I would go after anyone legally who posted the video, but that's not enough. I want to start a foundation. I don't know how to do that but I know what I want it to be and how I want to launch it. I know what this needs to look like."

Santana paused and looked at Cal, who shook his head encouragingly.

"I want to drop "Don't leave your girl around me." It plays on my past, plays on things some may say about me about who I was before I settled down. I had more than my fair share of women, but I always respected them, and the lyrics in the song just embodied where I was in my life back then. It's a joke, but also rooted in a bit of reality. I'm an open lesbian who had a good time with the ladies. Plain and simple. Everybody was on the same page. It's unapologetic, which is who I want to be in my music. It's who I want to be in my life."

"I'm still not sure about releasing that song as a single, especially so soon," Gerald said. "It can ruin awards season for you, especially the Oscars, if you disclose the information about the tape."

"I have to agree about that last part," Larry interjected.

"By the time the Oscars roll around I'll make sure that I have a strong base who loves me. Hear me out. I want to start a foundation called 'Stronger than Shame'. It will provide support for people who have been through what I've been through, been through what my girlfriend has been through. The internet has become a place where people have been sexually exploited. Revenge porn, stolen private images, even things like deep fakes that have been used to humiliate innocent people, there are thousands upon thousands of us who have been sexually exploited on the internet due to no faults of our own, even very famous people. It changes you, it threatens to destroy you, and for some people it does. Some people develop eating disorders or become suicidal. Some people just run away from everything they know and throw away all of their dreams in an effort to evade the pain, the humiliation, the shame," Santana said, thinking of her Brittany. "But what if we gave them a place to talk, to heal, to rejoice, to become stronger than their shame? What if I became one of the faces of overcoming that sort of adversity? What if I showed them what it looks like when a phoenix rises from the ashes? Internet trauma is real. It doesn't stay inside the screens when we turn our computers off. It ruins lives, and music can heal, art can heal, community can heal. I want to give them a voice and a community. A place where they can stand strong and people can stand with them. I want to release 'Girl', and then I want to release a song I wrote called 'Stronger than Shame'. It's the follow up to 'Deeper' that you wanted. It's powerful and real and raw and it's about overcoming."

Santana paused, and she saw that she had their attention.

"So we're going to hear this song today?" Larry asked.

"That's why I asked for us to have this meeting up here," Cal interjected. "Santana sang it for me here and it was magnificent. I hope you'll allow her to sing it for you."

"Of course we will," Gerald interjected.

Santana didn't waste any time making her way to the piano. She gave Sue a look and Sue greeted her with an encouraging nod as she saw Cal take out his phone to record once again. Santana sat at the keyboard and took a deep breath before she began playing.

By the time Santana reached the middle of the song she had half of the room willing to entertain her idea. She had a third of the room sold on it.

Then she did what she did best, she sang...sang her heart out, and this time she let herself be both vulnerable and powerful. Tears streamed down her face as she sang and she had every eye in that room glued to her. She knew that this was the way she had to sing it. This was the way she had to sell it, and by the end of the song she knew that she had done what she had to do. She had changed some minds.

When Santana finished singing none of the executives spoke. They just sat there in thought and watched as Santana decompressed. She had left everything there on the table. Finally, Larry spoke.

"Santana, not only is the song magnificent, but so was that performance. I don't know, we're going to have to think about this for a while, but I understand your vision."

"Thank you," Santana said. This was a big decision, and while she wanted an answer now she knew that it would be best not to push for one. Still, she wanted to make sure that they saw her vision before they made their decision. "There are many things stronger than shame. Love is stronger than shame, redemption is stronger than shame, forgiveness is stronger than shame, peace is stronger than shame and I am stronger than shame. That is what our foundation would be about and that's our motto... I am stronger than shame, and I weave that message throughout the song. I can drop the upbeat, fun track and then I announce the foundation and drop 'Stronger' the same day. I do that all right from my official website. You don't need to buy magazines to hear my sordid truth because I'm telling it to you for free, right there on my site. Don't give those places your money that will sell you lies or stories from people who want to try and make up things that will get them a paycheck. I want them to ask me. I'll have absolutely nothing left to hide, and instead they can donate the money they would have spent on one of those rags to a worthy charity.. even if it's not 'Stronger than Shame', there are many, many organizations that help people who have been sexually violated in some way, shape or form. I am a survivor. I am Santana Lopez, and I am stronger than shame. I want the world to know that."

Cal smiled at Santana, and Sue wore a proud look on her face.

"Santana will become a hero, a beacon of hope, if you let her do it her way. If...when the tape resurfaces and she simply sat around hoping to beat the rumors back for as long as she could she looks like someone with something she was trying to hide and it becomes more scandalous. The number of hits her website will receive when she breaks the news there will be a massive amount of free publicity. The new people who will hear her music because they're curious about her past. the good outweighs the bad. By the time awards season comes around she will have told her story, released her song, and given thousands of people a voice. She's more valuable to you telling her own story than allowing someone else to tell it. And that song is an anthem, and anthem for survivors. Survivors of all sorts of things, not just the things that Santana mentioned. You heard that song. That's the music Santana gives you when she's passionate. That's the kind of music that going to make everyone in this room richer. Trust her. That music will sell, but if you trust her you're on your way to witnessing an icon being born, and icons are not one hit wonders. She doesn't want to play it safe, and yet what she's doing is the safest thing to control her situation. You have not only an artist but a business woman in your midst and you know it. This could be a long, lucrative relationship for all parties if we all work together," Sue added.

"We'll let you know," Larry said.

"Just imagine her at the Oscars next year, then the Grammy's. Award season loves a good heroine. The MTV awards loves an edgy, relatable artist. Santana is playing things safe, too safe in my opinion. She was offered an endorsement deal with a motorcycle apparel line. She asked them to table it for now and she doesn't know it but they upped the offer by 100k simply because they think she's playing hardball when really she is waiting to deal with this tape. They more she's out there that's advertisement for her music, advertisement the label doesn't have to pay for. She is the one with the most to lose here. I love money as much as anyone here and if I thought it was a bad idea I would tell her. I did think it was a bad idea, but now she's convinced me that she's absolutely right, and I think you all know that she is as well. Let her get in the studio and record 'Stronger than Shame'. Drop 'Girl', let's see what it does for a month or so and by then we can have the beginnings of a foundation set up and even if it's not ready we can let them know it's coming soon. You want her project ready early? Do things her way and people will be hungry for her music by the time it drops. She's ready. Don't hold her back," Sue added.

"You all have a lot to consider so thank you for your time," Santana said. She didn't want to push too hard and they had said all that could be said in the moment.

"Santana," Larry said.

"Yes?"

"Either way I think you should get in the studio and lay that track down."

"Okay," Santana said. "It'll be done by the end of the week."

"Excellent," Larry said as Santana stood. "Looking forward to hearing it."

"I'll walk you out, Santana," Cal said.

As the meeting broke up and hands were shook Santana and Sue exited with Cal following behind.

"How do you think it went?" Santana asked.

"What do you think?" Cal asked, smiling.

"I think they realize that song comes with a confession. It's very telling. People will know it comes with a story attached, and it will make them more curious to learn what that story is if I don't tell it."

"Correct," Cal smiled. "They're salivating over that song, Santana. No way they will resist wanting it out there and if they do resist I'll play the recording of that performance I just made for them again and again until they change their minds. When you record it Santana, sing it like you sang it for me the first time, like you sang it today. The emotion, the crack in your voice, let me send you the videos. Listen to it and give it to the world that way, and you will find your audience and they will love you for telling their story."

"Ok Cal."

"As soon as it's finished they'll want to hear it, and I can guarantee you that 'Girl' will drop within a week of their decision. I've heard 'Girl", it turned out amazing, and they'll be asking to hear it today. Don't worry. I think you'll get an answer by morning, two days at most. They just can't keep giving into you or you'll think you own them," Cal laughed and Santana smiled.

"No, but I will think that we have a mutually beneficial arrangement and I bring more to the table than a good voice and a pretty face," Santana smiled.

"You bring so much more than that Santana, and everyone already knows," Cal confirmed with pride. "Get some rest, I'll set up the studio time. You sing your song for the world tomorrow."

"I already have six hours booked for tomorrow."

"I'll make sure you have eight, and I'll make sure your producers know what they'll be working on. I'll come in and we'll sit down and play it for them. I want to see how you all approach it. I want it to stay as pure as it is now, and I know you do to. We'll make sure it does."

"Thank you, Cal."

"Santana, at this point I'm just here to gloat. I want them to remember that at one point they were hesitant to sign you," Cal smiled.

"And I'll always remember that you fought for me," Santana smiled.

"Still fighting for you, Santana, but you're making this fun," Cal smiled. "Get some rest, you have a hit to make tomorrow."

Santana chatted with Sue for a while before heading home to Brittany. It had been a long day, and she just wanted to get home and see her, get home to tell her how things went. It was rare that she made it home before Brittany but she had her art class that night and so Santana thought it would be nice to start dinner for her. Brittany was always cooking for her, and she just wanted to return the favor.

She decided that she had enough time to make arroz con pollo and a salad. She quickly stopped at the market and then raced home so that dinner would almost be ready by the time Brittany came home. Santana was getting used to this, to Brittany spending the night at her house when she was in town but that would be ending soon. She had to record 'Stronger' and then finish another track before heading overseas for 12 days. She had invited Brittany, but Brittany said it wasn't a good time. Santana hoped that once everything was out that maybe Brittany would travel with her more. She wants her close, where she knows she's safe and cared for, and she wants to see the world with her, experience new places with her. She wants to share it all with her. Still, she understands Brittany wanting her own identity. She understands her wanting to work and pay her bills and exert her independence. Sure, Santana is only a few years older than her but when you're young those few years are a lot. Brittany is just starting to get comfortable living, and she doesn't want to let all of that go.

Still, Santana takes comfort in the fact that they both got their passports together, that the label put a rush on them and paid for them to get them in a timely matter. That Brittany seemed excited at the idea of exploring the world with her. Brittany says she just wants to give her the space to get started on her own without any distractions and that would be such a noble gesture if Santana didn't think that some of it was based in utter bullshit. She thinks that Brittany is trying to keep her family drama away from her, and she isn't wrong.

When Brittany walked through the door she had a huge smile on her face. The place smelled amazing. Santana rarely cooks dinner for them, she has little time. She may whip up a quick breakfast or lunch or an after party snack but to have the house smelling like her abuela's recipes was something new. She still hadn't made the time to share all of her grandmother's recipes with her, all the culture those two women had taught her, but Brittany was okay with that. She knew that they had time.

Brittany came in carrying a huge bouquet of roses. Santana didn't hear her...music blaring as she sang along to Pat Benatar's "Love is a battlefield". When Brittany entered the kitchen she stood in the doorway smiling as Santana rocked out at the stove, unaware of her lover's presence.

We are strong

No one can tell us we're wrong

Searching our hearts for so long

Both of us knowing

Love is a battlefield

Brittany watched and loved this moment. Santana looked free. She was always so strong, or so troubled, or so snarky, or so many things other than free. Her hair down, tight blue jeans and crisp white sneakers, her favorite Harley tank top on. This is her Santana. This is the Santana she hopes always finds a place to exist, because she knows that Santana is so troubled these days, so stressed, and she loves to see her happy.

Brittany watched with a soft smile until Santana turned her way and greeted her at first with a look of surprise and then a bright smile, the not quite dimples of her perfect cheekbones showing, and Santana put down the spoon she had been cooking with and went to meet her lover half way.

"How long have you been standing there?" Santana asked with a smile, pulling Brittany in for a soft kiss.

"Not long enough. Wish I had seen the entire performance."

"What are the flowers for?"

"What flowers?" Brittany asked, a cheeky smile on her face.

"The flowers that are covering half of my beautiful girlfriend's face," Santana responded.

"Oh those flowers. Right. I brought them for the girl who sings the best parts on the number 2 song in the country."

"I get flowers for being number two?" Santana smiled.

"Wait until you see what you get when you're number one," Brittany said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Dios Mio," Santana sighed and Brittany smiled. "Thank you, baby," Santana said, giving Brittany another kiss.

"Smells so good in here, what are you making?"

"Arroz con pollo. I finally get to cook you a real meal."

"You've cooked for me before."

"I need to cook for you more, the way that I was taught."

"Looking forward to it. So I'm guessing by your mood the meeting went well?"

"I didn't get an answer, but I was asked to record 'Stronger' which I'll do tomorrow. I'm pretty sure that is a good sign."

"I love that song. Can't wait to hear it on the radio."

"If this goes well you'll hear it in a couple of months. Listen doll, what's going on with your family coming to visit? When is this happening?"

"Still no date, Santana."

"What's going on with your mom?"

"Nothing that I know about."

"That's a good thing."

"Maybe, maybe not."

"Don't worry Britt, this year is going to be our year."

"It's certainly going to be yours."

"What happens for me happens for you. I know we haven't been together long, but I just want you to know that I do this for me, I do this for my family, and I do this for you. I do this for us, Britt. I really want us to make it for a long time...for all time."

Brittany smiled at the sincerity in Santana's eyes.

"Sometimes it's hard to dream..." Brittany started and then stopped.

"Hard to dream of what, doll?"

"Hard to dream of someone awesome like you loving me after those pictures. You're never ashamed of me."

"I banged my ex on the internet, Brittany. I never thought anyone would love me either, but for the record, even if I hadn't, I would still love you openly, and so would thousands of other people if they were lucky enough to meet you and you gave them a chance to know you."

"That song, Santana, that song is going to save lives. That's powerful. Some girl who is letting suicide cross her mind is going to remember your story and listen to your song and it's going to make her fight through one more day." Brittany took Santana's hand and kissed it.

"She's going to have a place to call or chat on the internet where she can talk to someone who understands her, that's my dream," Santana smiled.

"You have such noble dreams, Santana. You want this foundation, you want to advocate for free therapy at the record labels. Your heart is bigger than the ocean. I love you. It's been the best months of my life."

"I love you too, Brittany, and it's been the best moths of my life also." Santana leaned in for a kiss.

"Great, now let me put these flowers in a vase for you and not distract you from your cooking. That smells amazing and I'm totally hungry. I was going to take you to Emilio's so you could get your breadsticks or order some soul food if that's what you wanted but this is such a real treat. Thank you, Santana."

"Thank me when I reach number one."

"You're already number one to me, honey, Always have been."

Santana enjoyed her dinner that night, but Brittany noticed, had been noticing, that her portion sizes were getting smaller and smaller. She doesn't want to accuse her of anything, doesn't want to become one of the people in her life that watch every spoonful of food she takes, but she's not eating like she normally does. Not even when Brittany makes her favorites, but Brittany does notice that when she cooks for her she tries harder to eat more. It's why Brittany was going to order one of her favorites tonight, because she notices. She notices, but she doesn't know what to say or do about it. She doesn't want to offend her but she will watch and make sure it doesn't get out of hand.

The problem is, for two weeks she can't watch, because Santana will be overseas. Overseas with touchy feely confused Camille while she's trying to deal with her own shit, and Brittany didn't realize at the time that things were only going to get crazier.

The label agreed to back her launching "Stronger than Shame", and Sue began to work on things to help Santana set up her foundation. Santana told Sue to utilize Lance since he is now on her payroll, and she also trusts him to do things right. She wrote down what she wanted her vision to be, and she would be as hands on as her schedule allowed. For now the foundation wouldn't be much. Just a website, and an online forum that would be heavily moderated to prevent trolling. To offer a space for people to begin to connect and talk to one another about their experiences. She'd hire a few therapists to moderate and to look for people in trouble. To offer support and words of encouragement. Not free therapy, she doesn't even want it announced that professionals will be looking for people in danger of harming themselves, it might keep people away. She just wants them to have support, and to be talked to when they need it most, to always have someone to answer a cry no matter what time of day or night it is. Soon, very soon, there would be a live chat for people who need to talk. It would eventually be more, so much more, but Lance and Sue decided that the forum would be the quickest, easiest, and cheapest option for now.

So what that meant was that the moment Santana was back on U.S. soil "Girl" was dropping. That also meant that Santana's solo career was officially beginning. She would no longer only be linked to Camille's projects.

Camille would begin touring soon, the opening act for a more well established diva than herself, working her way up the ladder. Santana was already asked to drop in for a few key dates so that she could join Camille in singing "Deeper" but she doesn't know how well that will work now. The idea of being a surprise guest on a tour date was exciting at first. It would let her know how it felt to perform in front of a crowd that size, but Santana doesn't know if she can do all of the dates that they initially wanted her to. One of Camille's background singers would sing her part, as the video played in the background of Camille and Santana singing the song. The label wanted to gauge the crowd's reaction when Santana came out, to see the reception she received. It was basically cross promotion, but Santana was already worried about time, and tired from the constant hustle. Still, she would never admit that. She would suck it up, because this is the life she wanted, and she will get used to it with time.

So Santana recorded "Stronger", and she didn't even need the entire eight hours, and so she put the finishing touches on another song with the extra time. The producers, which she was one of, allowed her to run with it, because they too knew how much the label wanted her project completed, and they loved what they were working with so far. Santana had managed to get production credits on all of her original tracks, and Sue promises her in time that this will all end up meaning big money for her. Santana knew this already, but she was more interested in the credentials at this point...in the advantages it would give her in the business. The money would come. She would make sure of it by spreading her wings far beyond singing and even writing. She had so many songs she had written or began to write even before anyone knew she could play an instrument. Poems that needed music or music that needed lyrics. Now many of them are becoming songs, and hopefully songs the world will one day pay to hear. The money would come, even if she wasn't the one singing the songs, but instead allowing others to sing them while she collects a pay check. Yes indeed, she'd be sure to make that first 10 million dollars, and hopefully millions beyond that. That's the future. For now she wants to sing, to give the world a chance to hear her voice. For now she wants to be an artist.

Santana had sat and heard "Stronger" when it was finished, and it was even more powerful than she had ever heard it. She even managed to get the perfect take, just as Cal wanted it, and she was so excited that she text him when it was finished, and he came downstairs to have a listen.

"It's perfect, Santana. It's better than perfect."

"Thank you Cal," Santana said sincerely.

Cal was proud of her, more proud than he imagined he'd be. She was exceeding everyone's expectations. Who knew that this girl who covered songs in a small nightclub had all of this artistry in her? Not even the people who worked with her every night knew. Now the world will know.

And then she was off, first to the UK and then to Paris, all without Brittany. It was by the time she reached Amsterdam that she sensed that something was off at home.

She doesn't know how she knew, she just knew. Brittany sounded off. Nani sounded off. Something just felt...off.

And so by the time she reached her final stop in Germany she was edgy and ready to go home. She needed to know how her family was doing.

When Santana opened the door at 4am and entered her apartment her blonde wasn't there. She had made it home four hours early, having opted to catch the earliest flights out when afforded the opportunity, and she was surprised to see that Brittany hadn't spent the night. She decided to shower and change into her night clothes but she was worried...worried because she could feel that something stressful was going on in her world but she didn't know what.

Santana was sound asleep, despite her restlessness, when Brittany stepped into the apartment at 7:30 in the morning. She was dressed for work, but she also wanted to greet Santana when she made it home. She wanted to make sure she had a welcome home breakfast for her, and so she had brought a plate from home, and she loves the way that Santana smiles when she sees her in her space when she gets home, and so she wanted...she needed to see that smile.

She was shocked to see that Santana had beat her home. Her suitcase sat unpacked in the living room, neatly tucked into a corner as if she were just too tired to carry it any further. Brittany set the plate on the dining room table and started the coffeemaker. Then she quietly walked to the bedroom.

There she was, curled up all tiny and cute like a kitten, tightly holding a pillow that should be her. Brittany watched her for a moment before walking over and leaning in to kiss her forehead softly. Santana stirred, and then opened her eyes and smiled instantly.

Her blonde was home.

"Welcome home, sleepy head."

"Missed you," Santana said, her eyes dancing with happiness, but still worried deep inside.

"Sorry, stayed home last night. Wanted to spend some time with Lady Tubbington. How was your trip?"

Santana sat up in bed and patted the area next to her so that Brittany could sit down. Brittany allowed her eyes to sweep over Santana's body, not simply with lust but also with concern. Santana seemed a little thinner, but she hopes that it's all in her mind.

"Loved seeing all of the new places, despite the fact that I only saw such a small portion of it. Can't wait to see it all with you."

"I can't wait either, honey."

"How have you been, baby?"

"Stan and Melissa are here. My aunt will be here this weekend."

"Brittany..."

"I know. I didn't want to worry you."

"Did my family know that they were here?"

"No, I spoke to them while you were away, but didn't mention this because I didn't want them keeping secrets from you. They've only been here four days now."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Santana. Waiting to see if Melissa fangirls when she meets you. She hasn't said anything other than she loves your voice but she sings 'Deeper' constantly. It's her favorite song right now. It's so weird."

Santana laughed, "I doubt that she'll fangirl, that song plays a hundred times a day on the radio, poor woman has an earworm."

"Well because it's your song I'll allow it," Brittany smiled.

"So they're staying at your place?"

"Yes. Stan is on the sofa bed and Melissa and I are sharing my bed."

"Don't care if she's your sister, another woman in your bed is not something I want to think about."

Brittany laughed, "By the way how the fuck is Camille," Brittany rolled her eyes.

"If you're cussing you must be prepared to be late for work." Santana licked her lips. "Anyway, Camille is a girl, and why would I want a girl when I have a full grown woman at home?"

"She's legal now I hear. Weren't we invited to some big birthday party?"

"You mean the party that I'm really not trying to go to because I have songs to complete?"

"Yes that one."

Santana sighed, "Please don't bring that up. I'm expected to be there, but I really hope you can be there as well if I have to go. Even if I do attend I'm going to need to just show my face and get out of there as soon as possible. I need you to be my excuse. I know you'll be so hot nobody will blame me for leaving to get home and get me some of that. 'Girl' will have dropped by then. They'll expect me to be a horny dog."

Brittany laughed. "I can't wait to hear it. I'm really surprised you let me hear 'Stronger'."

"'Stronger' is different. It's special. It's my story, but it's yours too, and I wanted your opinion on it before I released it, because I wanted it to mean as much to your healing as it means to mine. You are one of the people that 'Stronger than Shame' represents, and I needed to know that I did a good job of giving us all a voice, not just myself."

"You did, Santana. You did an amazing job."

"And right now I just enjoy when you hear my songs on the radio the first time, the look on your face, so I selfishly avoid letting you hear it ahead of time. It won't always be that way. This is my first project, and I'm just really enjoying experiencing these things along with everyone else for the first time together. I want you to listen to my cd for the first time track by track and get your honest opinion just like anyone else who purchases music. That anticipation when you play a new cd, that was one of my favorite feelings growing up. I get your genuine reactions this way, not you all loving it just because it's me. After this project you'll get all of the previews."

"I kind of like the wait. I love your process. I hear little snippets here and there when you're working, and then to hear them become this wonderful thing in the end is just the best."

"Glad you don't mind."

"Of course not. Listen honey, do you think you have some time to come by my place tonight?"

"Of course I do."

"I took next week off so if you need to rest there will be plenty of time to meet up with my family."

"Brittany, I will be wherever you want me to be, and your family is also welcome to come here as well. Whatever is best for you."

"Thank you honey. Well, I brought you breakfast, and I'll see you after work."

"What if I come by and take you to lunch?"

"I would love that."

"Great, and then you can tell me everything that I missed. Have you heard any noise from your mom?"

"Not really?"

"What does that mean?" Santana asked concerned.

"Not personally. Santana, if my dad is not my dad that's what she's going to use to torture me. I don't think she'll bother you. Sue paid her a visit in Ohio while you were away..."

"Sue did what?" Santana asked, annoyed.

"She just reiterated what would be at stake for her if she bothered us."

"Why the hell would she do that? Brittany, what aren't you telling me?"

"Lance got their IP address from Stan. She does a lot of searching on you, and on my pictures to see if they're still out there. He found nothing of her searching for your tape. I don't think she knows about it yet. Lance told Sue, and Sue said she'd speak to you about it when you returned home. Just focus on your work, honey. Let the people you pay do their jobs."

"I don't like not knowing things. She can do her job, so can Lance, but I need to know."

"You need to know when it's an issue. If it's not an issue you don't need to know right away."

"I need to know before it's an issue, so that it doesn't become one."

"Santana, you have to let some things go. You can't do everything and be everywhere. You need to learn to balance and to trust the people around you. You're home now, and don't you think that I don't notice that you look tired, and thinner. Eat your breakfast, Santana. What's going on with you?"

"It's not that I'm starving myself again, Brittany. Just too busy, too tired, too homesick, too stressed. I eat well when I'm home. I eat okay on the road. I'm okay Brittany."

"Lunch Santana, pick something you love. You're days away from releasing your first single, weeks away from telling your truth and dropping your second single. You have Camille's party and promo for your own music. You'll be revisiting the endorsement deal. When you tell your truth the entire world will be watching your weight. Eat Santana. Slow down long enough to nourish yourself."

"I will baby, I promise."

"And maybe before you get back to work we can squeeze out a couple of hours to go for a ride. I know it's cold, but it's also about time you took me to the Cloisters as promised."

"Stan and Melissa..."

"Will be okay. Can explore New York a bit on their own. Will be there when we return. Santana, we're going for a ride even if the Cloisters have to wait. We're going for a ride. You need to relax and so you need to ride. We'll take Stan and Melissa to Holly's. We can stop by the clubhouse and hang out with the Tainted Angels. You need familiar places right now. I need you strong Santana. Let's invite Nani and Lexi out. I know you rarely get to speak to them now."

"I still speak to Nani a lot, Lexi not as much. Just too busy, but we say hello when she's with Nani..."

"And when was the last time that happened?"

"Is something going on with Nani and Lexi?"

"I really don't know. I don't know if it's about Lexi or what, but Nani seems a little down."

"I don't think it's about Lexi. I think it's about her dad. I know they spoke, but she told me she would tell me all about it when I got home. I think she told him about Lexi. Not sure how Marcel handled that."

"I thought you said he was supportive of you when you came out."

"I'm not his kid."

"Oh Santana..."

"That may not be the case. Let's do it, Britt. Let's have a night with Nani and Lexi. We'll go to a club. 'Girl' drops next week. I want to see you guys dance to it. I want to see a club full of hot women grinding to my song."

Brittany laughed, "That's a good idea."

"Good. Now go to work. I promise I'll eat my breakfast. I'll see you around noon."

"Deal."

"Deal, doll," Santana smiled as Brittany leaned in to give her a kiss.

Santana ate her breakfast but she struggled. She just wasn't hungry, but her lady had made it for her, had loved her enough to notice that she was struggling, and so she ate her food with gratitude in her heart.

Later that day the two met for lunch and were able to catch up with one another. After work Santana jumped on her bike and picked up Brittany. It felt good, really good, to ride again, even for a short distance. Brittany was right, she had to make time for a ride, and she also promised Wolf that they'd go out on a ride. Once 'Girl' drops she'll make sure that happens.

When they reached Brittany's apartment Brittany felt a level of excitement. Her girlfriend was home, and she was eager to show her off, show off to Melissa that someone could love her so strongly. Stan already saw it, and she had no issues with Melissa and so she wondered why she was feeling this way. She knows it goes back to her mother, to her comparisons, to her negative words, to the belief that she had tried to instill in her that she was worthless, that no one would love her, that loving her was impossible. She found love, real love, and she proved her mother wrong. She didn't care if Melissa ever believed those words or not, it just felt good that Santana was living proof that her mother was wrong.

Brittany unlocked the door and Santana held it open as Brittany stepped into the apartment. Instantly she saw Stan and Melissa sitting on the sofa watching tv. Stan greeted Santana with a wide smile.

"Santana, so good to see you."

"How's it goin' Stan?" Santana smiled.

"It's going great sweetheart. Welcome home. I'm sure you're exhausted but congratulations are in order. Love the song, Santana."

"Thank you Stan."

"Santana, this is my daughter Melissa, Melissa, this is Santana."

Santana walked towards the sofa and shook the woman's hand. Then she shared a hug with Stan.

"Nice to meet you, Melissa."

"Nice to meet you too, Santana. I've heard so much about you. Congratulations. I love 'Deeper than I love yous'. I sing it way more than I should and will have to stop now because I can't carry a tune and I'm not embarrassing myself in front of one of the actual singers of the song."

Santana chuckled. "That's not what music is about to me. If you feel it, sing it. There's no better compliment in my opinion."

Melissa smiled, "Thanks. I doubt if I'll be able to stop anyway. I'd for sure have to avoid the shower."

Santana chuckled. "No need to do that."

Lady Tubbington came and made her way through Santana's legs.

"Hey Lady T. Did you come to push me back out the door so that I don't steal your mommy away again?"

"No Santana I think she's actually starting to like you. She sits and watches the screen with me when you're on tv wondering how you got in there."

"She's probably plotting on how she can keep me in there forever," Santana laughed.

"Seems like she knows your fur baby well, Brittany."

Santana relaxed as Brittany went to freshen up.

"How has she been while I was away?" Santana asked.

"She's been good."

"Any problems from her mom?"

"I think Gail enjoys the mental torture of everyone waiting to see what she will do. I don't think she has a game plan yet. That's why we're here, to make sure we're prepared when she does strike."

"Whatever she needs, whatever any of you need, just let me know."

"I know your manager went to see her. That woman is scary."

Santana chuckled, "It's why I have her on my team."

"Brittany told us how lonely New York was before she met you," Melissa started. "I'm happy she has you and your family and friends. They really do check in on her a lot, especially your cousin."

"Yeah, she and Nani hit it off really quickly which is amazing because Nani is super protective of me and Brittany was very guarded. Still, those two got along really well right out the gate."

"Brittany has this thing that draws people to her. I can't imagine that she was able to suppress it very well," Stan smiled.

"I must say she tried very hard."

"Well she said you were very disarming," Melissa smiled. She was a pretty girl. Light brown hair, gray eyes, slender and about Santana's height. She was a little older than Brittany, but she admits that she looked up to her in some ways. Brittany was beautiful and naturally bubbly and an amazing dancer, and Melissa went through a range of emotions having Brittany in her life when she was a child. She went from being jealous that she got to live with her dad to being happy to have a little sister, to being proud that her little sister was so great at dance to having Gail begin to build a wedge between them. She pitted them against one another, even though Stan tried his hardest to give as little access to Melissa as he could to Gail without him being present. Still, she managed to plant in Melissa's head that Brittany wanted her father's attention all to herself, and soon they drifted apart, before they ever had a chance to build anything solid together.

As Melissa became a woman she came to understand that Brittany wasn't in competition with her for her father's love, but by that time both women had their own lives, and found it easier to just barely communicate with one another. Still, they held no ill will towards one another. They just simply had no connection.

But here they were, trying, coming together with a common goal, to help the father they both love, and to maybe in the process discover one another and build a sisterhood.

Santana liked the young woman, she seemed a bit quiet, cautious, but Santana could understand. Brittany had similar qualities. Santana guessed that a lifetime of exposure to Gail could do that to a person.

Santana enjoyed dinner with the trio, a dinner that Brittany had prepared the evening before knowing that it was one of Santana's favorites. Afterwards Brittany really wanted to leave with Santana, but she thought it would be rude to leave her guests behind. It was Stan who insisted that she leave. The two hadn't seen one another in two weeks, and Brittany only mildly protested.

Santana and Brittany went back to Santana's place and wasted no time. They made love, slow, meticulous, cherishing every inch of one another. Afterwards, all relaxed and glowing, Santana asked how Brittany felt about having everyone stay at her place. She had much more room, and she didn't like the idea that she would be giving her bed to Melissa and her aunt and making a bed for herself on the floor. Brittany didn't want to impose, but Santana insisted. Still, privacy was becoming increasingly rare for Santana, and that was still a sacred space for her. Family or not, she just didn't want to invite people into Santana's space, especially an aunt she barely knows and a sister she is just getting to know. Santana conceded, she didn't want to waste the night debating with Brittany. Instead, first thing in the morning she would call a small furniture store and have them deliver two rollaway beds to Brittany's place. Her bedroom wasn't the biggest but her living room was rather large, and so Santana thought it would be great if they could give Stan the bedroom and set up the rollaway beds in the living room. Her aunt could use the sofa bed because it was larger and the sisters could sleep on the rollaway beds. It seemed like a solution that Brittany could live with.

Santana felt like she was running into that situation again, not knowing which lines she could and could not cross. She had invited them to stay with her but the idea made Brittany uncomfortable for reasons that didn't make sense to Santana. She didn't want to seem as if she were being flashy but she had offered to pay for a couple of hotel rooms. Brittany said that they had all discussed that before and decided that they wanted to stay with Brittany so that they could truly use the time to catch up and bond. Brittany could cook for Stan, Brittany could continue to work until she had some time off, they could stick to routines. Santana had offered to rent a place with a kitchen and again the idea was shot down. It was only when Santana said that she simply refused to have her girlfriend sleeping on the floor with the cat that Brittany accepted the offer for the rollaway beds.

It all makes her wonder, if once the fruits of her labors start to roll in will Brittany allow her to care for her. She wants to. She views the blonde as a part of her. She wants to spoil her, to rain down blessing upon her for all that she's given her, but she's not sure if Brittany will understand just how much caring for her means to her, and if she will reject her just as she was rejecting her now. She hopes not, because the only thing that makes being away from her tolerable is knowing that she can provide and care for her because of it.

That weekend Brittany's aunt Gwen arrived and that Sunday Santana got Brittany to agree to inviting them all over for lunch at her place. Santana cooked and afterwards she invited them to Holly's that upcoming Friday to meet Brittany's new support system... Santana's friends and family... and to celebrate the release of 'Girl'.

Brittany got to finally sit and speak to her aunt in peace that week, and confirmed that her mother has always been a manipulative monster. Gwen didn't know who else Brittany's father might be, but she did confirm that she had stayed in touch with the man who has always claimed her as his own, and he still wants to meet her. He wants the chance to speak to her and tell his side of the story. He wants her to meet his family.

And secretly, deep inside, he wants a paternity test now that Brittany knows the truth of the matter.

Not that it will change how he feels about the girl. In his heart he's felt broken, the thought that his first child grew up without him. The fact that he should have fought harder but he didn't, scared off by the nasty rumors his ex wife were spreading and what they would mean to his reputation as a teacher. Abuse allegations against anyone who works with children can be particularly catastrophic. He chose his reputation over his child, and even if she's not his he will always feel like a coward because of that.

Not that Brittany minds. She's wanted a paternity test since the moment Stan told her what was going on. Still, she believes in her heart that he's her father.

He has to be...because she doesn't know how she'll take not knowing who she came from. She doesn't know how she'll take her mother having a new power over her just as she's losing the old power she once held.

Since Brittany was busy with her family Santana used the week to work on two very important things. She met with Lance to work on the website for the foundation launch. She had written a rough draft of her story to go on the site during the announcement, and she struggled with whether she should reach out to Dani and let her know that she'd be telling her story. She hadn't come to a decision on that yet, but she would speak to Brittany about it before she decides, and perhaps a couple of other people as well. Maybe not Nani, though. She already knows what she will say...

"Fuck that bitch."

Yeah, Santana may let Nani sit this one out.

The second thing Santana did was make the time to record Brittany's song. She would have loved to do it in the studio, but she didn't want anyone to hear it before Brittany. So she recorded it like she recorded everything before she had access to a studio. She recorded it at home. She made a video of herself singing it so that the quality of the audio wouldn't matter as much. She dressed up in a little black dress, curled her hair to perfection, set a picture of Brittany on her piano, and she sang her heart out right in her living room. Valentine's day was only a couple of weeks away, and Santana wanted to make it a special one. What could be more special then giving your whole heart to the woman you love?

The ladies didn't get their moment alone. So much was happening, and Friday came so quickly. Everyone met at Holly's early for the release of Santana's first solo single. While the first time they'd done this had been emotional, this time it felt more like a family reunion. She hadn't spent time with anyone but Brittany in quite a while, and even though she would be taking Brittany's family to Holly's later that night to see everyone perform she had time to chat with her friends that morning. It made her feel so good to be back home again.

The DJ announced that a new single by Santana Lopez would be coming up after the break. Everyone waited in anticipation for the commercials to end. As soon as they did Santana heard the opening notes to her song and a wide smile spread across her face. It was one of those songs that instantly makes you want to move, to sweat, to dance your ass off. The beat just hits you in the chest and makes your feet move. When Santana s voice came through all sexy and smooth everyone in the room smiled with joy.

They don't want to want me,

they just usually do

so do you really think,

that I can't make her want to leave you?

If she's on the fence

soon it'll be clear that you're through

but if you want her back

act right ... I'll send her home to you

Lexi looked at Santana and they both smiled widely. She knew exactly where that song came from, and she knew that she couldn't wait to dance her ass off to this.

Everybody loved it, and when the song ended everyone in the room started clapping and cheering.

"That was 'Don't leave your girl around me' by Santana Lopez. That's one for the clubs. She's got herself a banger right there." the DJ said before announcing the next song.

Everybody instantly looked for their moment to talk to Santana. They offered their congratulations, and Santana spent the morning with her family and friends. As things settled down Santana rounded up her mother and aunt and their spouses. Brittany, Nani and Lexi, Wolf and her abuela were pulled aside as well, and she grabbed a private room where she could speak to them alone. Everyone was still in high spirits when they entered the room.

"So you're rapping now, mamacita?" Lexi smiled.

"It was a little inside joke for my Britts. She likes it when I show her my flow," Santana laughed and winked at Brittany.

"I have a feeling I already know the night you started writing that song," Lexi said laughing. "It's perfect for the club because it was born in the club."

"Yes it was. It was supposed to be our theme song before we went and got all domesticated."

"We'll leave that for the young girls. We still need to hit the club as soon as possible so we can dance to it. Can't wait to see the club go crazy when that comes on."

"I don't know about all of that."

"Please, the girls are gonna go crazy. Asses will shake and we can't even look anymore."

Santana laughed, "You were only ever looking at Nani's ass when you had the chance anyway."

"True," Lexi smiled.

"You two good?"

"We're okay. I'm learning a lot about your cousin."

"She can be complicated."

"She can be. She doesn't reveal her feelings too easily. I understand, but I want her to know she can trust her heart with me."

"I don't think she's used to her partner really wanting to know her deepest feelings. It will take some time before she easily reveals them."

"I know," Lexi said. "I've waited this long, I can wait a while longer."

"Glad to hear it, Lex."

After a few moments of chatting Santana quieted the room where everyone was still excitedly chatting.

"Hey, I wanted a minute to talk to you all about something important."

Everyone quickly grew quiet, anxious to hear what Santana had to say.

"I didn't know whether to invite some of my friends in as well, but they're all family out there and I didn't want to start picking and choosing people to tell, and so I thought maybe it's best I just tell you guys and maybe fill them in later."

"What is it, Santana?" Liv asked concerned.

Santana took a deep breath. "I'm starting a foundation, a foundation for people who have gone through things like I've gone through. A foundation for people who are victims of things like revenge porn or sexual traumas via the internet. People who have had their image shared without their permission."

"That's amazing Santana," Liv said. Others in the room added their support as well.

"That's not all. A month from now I'll be telling the world my story. When the website for the foundation launches it will include a statement and a video from me telling my story. I'm not going to wait to be exposed. I'm going to tell my story on my own terms. I'm tired of wondering when it will come out. I'm going to let it out. I wrote a song to go along with my story. The foundation is named after the song. It's called 'Stronger than Shame'. I want to play it for you now if you all want to hear it. I just finished laying it down, so this is the finished product. Tell me your honest opinions, please."

Of course they all wanted to hear it. Santana pulled up the song on her phone and began to play it. She slowly scanned the faces in the room, people who all knew her journey, reliving it once again through song. She saw tears falling and she remembered how each of these people helped pull her from the darkness, even Wolf, although his support came way later when she didn't even know that she still needed it. The tears fell freely, and she remembered how she needed what each of these people gave her. She decided that she would play this for her friends that night after the club closed, because they deserved this moment as well, this moment of thanks, this moment of healing. For now, she would give this to those who loved her first.

When the song ended Liv stood and went to hold her daughter.

"That was beautiful Santana, maybe the most powerful thing I've ever heard in my life."

"Thank you mommy," Santana said.

Santana accepted hugs and love from everyone in the room. Meanwhile, Brittany was struggling with something.

"Can I say something?" Brittany said to the room.

"Of course, honey," Santana responded. Everyone quieted down.

"It's not just Santana," Brittany said softly and Santana took her hand, knowing what she was about to bravely do. "In college my boyfriend asked me for nudes and so I finally sent them. They were stolen from his phone by his roommate. They ended up on the internet. It's why I left Ohio. When Santana launches her website I'm going to tell my story there soon after. I'll let her have her moment, but then I'll tell my truth as well, and we'll face it all together."

Liv stood and hugged Brittany tightly. Everyone offered her love and support. Tears fell from her eyes. It didn't feel as scary anymore.

"We love you Brittany. I'm so sorry that happened to you." Liv said, holding her close.

"I used to be sorry but I can't be anymore," Brittany spoke into Liv's ear." It brought me Santana. I brought me to all of you, and that makes this journey worth it all," she cried softly in Liv's arms, cried openly for herself for the first time ever in the safety of a loving mom's arms.