Johnny followed Joanne into the house and closed the door behind him. What had sounded like such a great idea out on the porch suddenly seemed like a terrible idea now.

What the hell had he been thinking?

He knew that his concern about Joanne being alone was only part of it. No, Joanne had been on his mind all night, from the moment he had come to pick her up. He didn't know what he'd been expecting when she opened the door.

It wasn't as if Johnny had never seen her dressed up before. There had been plenty of department functions over the years that had required it, but Johnny had never much paid attention. There had been no reason to.

Tonight, it was as if Johnny were really seeing her for the first time, and she had taken his breath away. He had done his best to catch himself before he blurted out something stupid. No sense making things more strange and awkward than they already were.

"Johnny?" Joanne's voice broke into his thoughts.

"Huh?"

Joanne smiled ever so slightly and let out a short laugh. "I said make yourself at home. I'll be back in a minute."

"Oh, yeah." Johnny nodded. "Sure."

Joanne disappeared down the hallway, and that anxious feeling started creeping up on Johnny again as he took off his jacket and tie, unbuttoning his shirt cuffs and rolling them up past his elbows.

From there he wasn't sure what to do. This wasn't a normal date. Hell, it wasn't a date at all. Johnny was just doing his best to give Joanne something like a normal night out, something both of them had needed.

Now that night was going in an entirely different direction, and Johnny found himself unsure how to handle it.

Everything up until now had felt so right, even though it shouldn't have. Johnny couldn't help the little twinge of guilt he felt as he had pulled her in so close out on the dance floor, the feeling that if he had been just a split second quicker, they wouldn't be here.

And he wouldn't be here now, wondering just what the hell was taking Joanne so long to return.

He shouldn't be here at all. He should just beg off, give Joanne some explanation for why he suddenly needed to leave.

No, he couldn't do that to her. She wanted him here, for whatever reason. He owed it to her to stick around. It wasn't as if he didn't enjoy Joanne's company. Besides, home was too quiet these days. He had too much time to think, too much time to wonder what he could have done differently.

There wasn't enough pot in the world to shut that line of thought down.

The sound of Joanne's footsteps returning drew Johnny out of his thoughts. She looked more relaxed now, dressed in a robe tied at her waist, her hair down around her shoulders, her feet bare.

She greeted him with a slight smile. "You can sit, you know."

"Sure, sure." Johnny tried to sound casual, following Joanne to the couch and taking a seat at one end. Soon enough Joanne took the other end, tucking her feet under her and regarding Johnny curiously.

This seemed a little ridiculous, both of them at opposite ends of the couch, considering how close they had been most of the night. Johnny shifted a little, propping his feet up on the coffee table and shooting Joanne what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Go ahead and stretch out. Plenty of room."

Joanne unfolded herself with a sigh and rested her feet on Johnny's lap. Johnny noticed the indents from the straps of Joanne's shoes, tracing one finger along an indent. "Don't know why you women do this to yourselves."

"What's that?" Joanne asked sleepily.

"Wear these shoes that wreck your feet." Johnny answered, absently pressing his thumb into the ball of Joanne's foot.

Joanne let out a soft laugh. "Because men like how we look in them."

Johnny scoffed at that. "Personally, I don't care."

"Johnny Gage, that's a lie and you know it." Joanne scolded him. "There's not a man alive that doesn't like the way a woman looks in a pair of high heeled shoes, and that includes you."

Johnny paused, feeling himself heat up. He had to admit to catching a glance as Joanne had climbed up into the Rover earlier in the evening. Again, the shape of Joanne's legs was something he had never considered before. There had never been a reason.

He heard Joanne laugh again, felt her foot flex under his hand. "Your face says it all." She told him. "It always gives you away."

"Can't help it." Johnny murmured, sliding his hand along her foot and pressing his thumb into the arch.

"I know." Joanne replied quietly before letting out a little sigh.

Johnny felt a brief flash of panic. Something about all of this felt so intimate, so comfortable. Perhaps a little too comfortable. They had been spending an awful lot of time together in the wake of Roy's death. Johnny supposed it was only natural that he and Joanne would become closer over that time.

But not like this. This had never been his intention.

"You're awfully quiet over there." Joanne's voice broke into Johnny's thoughts again.

"Just thinking. You know." Johnny replied, continuing to massage Joanne's foot. It gave him something to concentrate on, something other than the jumbled thoughts that cluttered up his mind.

"Hmm." Joanne answered absently. "Anything in particular?"

Johnny nearly froze at that. There was so much that he wanted to say, so much he wanted to explain. He just had no idea where to start. And honestly, if he started, he might not stop.

"Johnny?" Joanne's voice was gentle.

Johnny didn't answer for a long moment, trying his damnedest to collect his thoughts before he just blurted them out. "I don't know what I'm doing here, Jo."

Joanne looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

Johnny huffed in frustration. "All of this. Trying to be here for you and the kids. Trying to make things better. And I wouldn't have to do this if I'd been just half a second quicker to grab Roy before he went through that damn floor."

Joanne suddenly moved so that she was right next to him, reaching for his hand. "Johnny, surely you're not blaming yourself."

"He was right behind me, Jo." The words started pouring out of him. "He was right behind me when I heard the ceiling start to go. I turned around and…Jo, he was gone. He was just…gone. I don't remember whether I tried to grab him, and I missed, or if I never grabbed him at all. Guess it doesn't matter. I still failed."

"Johnny…"

"No, Jo." Johnny cut her off. "I always did my best to make sure Roy came home to you and the kids. I failed, that's all there is to it."

He could hear his own voice start to crack as everything he'd been keeping from Joanne all this time started to come out of him.

"You didn't fail." Joanne told him quietly. "And I will never believe that this was your fault."

"Jo—"

"No, Johnny, you listen to me." Joanne's voice was firm now, her hand on his cheek, her face impossibly close to his. "We knew the risks when Roy started working for the fire department. It was always a possibility. Always. This was not your fault."

"You don't really believe that." Johnny responded fiercely.

"I do believe that." Joanne replied with equal fierceness. "More importantly, I know that. You and Roy always looked out for each other. This time was no different."

"Except that Roy didn't come home this time." Johnny answered quietly.

"And that's still not your fault." Joanne told him. "I could never blame you, and I would never hold it against you. And I hope that in time you'll stop blaming yourself, too."

Johnny knew that Joanne was trying to make him feel better, but it wasn't helping much. It sure as hell wasn't doing much to ease that guilty feeling that was all mixed in with this odd feeling of attraction that he knew he shouldn't feel for her.

He took in a deep breath and exhaled, covering Joanne's hand on his cheek with his own, trying to take the comfort Joanne was attempting to offer. Not that he deserved it, but he didn't have it in him to turn it away.

Was he taking advantage of Joanne's kindness? Johnny had no idea. Those mixed emotions still churned through him, and he was reluctant to take things further. Even if Joanne seemed to want that, it still felt wrong.

"Johnny?" Joanne's voice broke through again.

Johnny shifted so that he faced her, wrapping an arm around her to pull her in close and kiss her cheek. "Ah hell, Jo. I didn't mean to dump all of this on you."

"It's all right." Joanne replied softly. "I don't mind."

"Not gonna make a habit of it." Johnny told her.

Joanne pulled back slightly and brushed back a stray lock of Johnny's hair. "I don't expect you to. But I don't want you to keep it all to yourself, either. Okay?"

"Okay." Johnny nodded in agreement, though he thought it was unlikely he was going to unload on Joanne in that way again. She had enough to deal with without having to somehow prop him up, too.

"I mean it." Joanne insisted. "Losing Roy's been hard for you, too."

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore, Jo." Johnny told her, his voice sounding surprisingly rough to his own ears.

"We don't have to." Joanne assured him, laying a hand on his chest.

Johnny's breath caught a little at Joanne's touch, and he felt his heart rate speed up, that anxious feeling rising up again, all his conflicted feelings and desires coursing through him.

If they somehow crossed that line, there would be no going back, he knew that.

But there was something in Joanne's expression that kept him right there on that couch, drawing him in closer to her. There was no reason for either of them to be alone, he supposed.

One of them had to make that move. It might as well be him.

He leaned in before he could change his mind, bringing a hand to rest on the back of Joanne's neck and touching his lips to hers.

It took Johnny a moment to realize that not only was Joanne not pulling away, she was kissing him back. The kiss lingered and deepened, and whatever doubts Johnny had going into this seemed to disappear in the moment.

When they finally pulled apart, all those conflicted feelings came rushing back in. This was foolish. It was too soon. Johnny was only supposed to be an uncle, a friend of the family. He wasn't supposed to try to take Roy's place. There was no way he possibly could.

"Jo, I'm sorry." Johnny blurted out. "I didn't mean to, you know, take advantage of you."

Joanne took Johnny's hand in hers. "You didn't."

"I did." Johnny insisted, pulling away and rising from the couch. "Think maybe I should go."

"Johnny, wait." Joanne's voice stopped him as he was starting to take his jacket off the hook where it hung.

He paused as Joanne made her way over to where he stood, taking his hand in both of hers. She took a deep breath and let it out, closing her eyes briefly before opening them again.

"You didn't take advantage of me." Joanne told him quietly. "I wanted this as much as you did."

"That doesn't make it right, Jo." Johnny argued. "I mean, Roy's only been gone for a month. Don't get me wrong. You're beautiful. You really are. When you opened that door…you took my breath away. You really did. And I know it's hard right now without him. God, I know. It hurts. And I'd do damn near anything to make that hurt go away. I just can't. I can't even to do that for myself."

Johnny was so rattled that he wasn't sure what he was trying to say. Suddenly he felt Joanne's arms around him, her head on his chest. The only thing he could do was respond in kind, pulling her in close and kissing the top of her head.

"I don't know what to do, Jo." He finally admitted quietly.

"Just be here." Joanne answered. "That's enough."

Johnny felt slightly less rattled now, and maybe felt a little less like he needed to leave. "I can still stay if you want."

"I'd like that." Joanne replied. "I'll make up the couch for you."

"Just like old times." Johnny tried to sound casual.

Joanne let out a soft laugh as she stepped back. "I won't be but a minute."

Johnny sighed in relief as Joanne once again disappeared down the hallway. Everything was fine. Things hadn't gotten too out of hand, and he and Joanne would still be as close as family.

Joanne soon returned with bedding for the couch, arranging it as she had so many times when Johnny had stayed here after some injury. It occurred to him just how much he had come to rely on them over the years.

Now it was Joanne's turn to rely on him, and he was going to do his damnedest to ensure that he would continue to be up to the task.

"I think that's everything." Joanne told him. "You know where the extra blankets are if you need one, right?"

"Right." Johnny nodded. "And thanks."

Joanne smiled ever so slightly. "No, I should be thanking you. I suppose I lost my head a bit."

"Think both of us did." Johnny answered.

Joanne paused for a long moment. "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"You are a good kisser." Joanne told him. "In case you were wondering."

Johnny couldn't help laughing at that. "So are you."

Joanne smiled a little more widely before shaking her head. "Good night, Johnny."

"G'night, Jo."

Joanne left Johnny on the couch, and he turned out the light before settling in and closing his eyes. As he drifted off, he couldn't help wondering what it would have been like if they had allowed things to continue.

But there was no point thinking about that. No, surely they would never do anything so foolish again.