Chapter Eleven: Not-Lying

Rose couldn't move. Or breathe, really.

When she found herself slowly sliding off his lap, stepping away from him, it was an out-of-body feeling, like her subconscious had taken over because her mind had gone blank and there was a buzzing in her ears. She found herself undoing the top of her own blouse, fingers trembling, only breaking her gaze from Scorpius as she checked for a tattoo on her chest.

As she suspected, it wasn't there.

Scorpius was just as shaky. "Rose, I know this looks bad."

"That wasn't there before," she whispered, pointing at his tattoo. "That night…"

"I know." He stood up from the desk, buttoning his shirt back up. She took a step back. "I use a concealment charm. But it wears off."

"What—is that real?"

"Yeah." He took another step forward, and she stepped back again. "It's real."

Rose had so many questions, she didn't know which ones to ask. Or if she wanted answers to any of them. Her mind was spinning.

His voice was so quiet, so anxious. "Can I just explain?"

"I don't know." Her arms were around her middle, gripping herself tightly. "Nothing makes sense."

"I know, I just—"

"And you lied to me."

That was the core source of his guilt, she could tell that instantly. He stepped back, probably sensing that it already was a losing battle. "I know. I had to."

"You had to," she repeated back. It felt strange on her lips.

"Yes."

Rose was at a loss. She didn't know how to explain how she was feeling—she didn't know what she was feeling, for starters. Events between them were flipping through her mind, but one in particular—her, literally crying in his arms, telling him how guilty she felt, and he didn't just tell her—came back, again and again.

When she found her voice, she said, "You let me believe that we weren't soulmates? How could you do that?"

"Because it doesn't matter. SoulMates and all those tests, it doesn't matter."

Her words came out broken, cracked. "But it matters to me."

"I know," Scorpius said bitterly, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I know, and that's why I didn't tell you."

"I don't understand."

"Because if you only wanted to be with me because we're soulmates—" Scorpius gestured with an outstretched arm, vaguely towards what she assumed were the SoulMate offices, "—and it's only because of them, then none of it was real."

"But it was real," she said angrily, turning away so he wouldn't see her eyes welling up. "Maybe you would've seen that, if you didn't have this whole soulmate hang-up."

"If it was real, it was only because you didn't know we were soulmates."

"But—"

"And it's not a hang-up." His arms were crossed, now. "If I have a hang-up, then what do you call whatever's going on with you?"

"Soulmates are normal, you know that, right?" she shot back, sharply turning back to him. "Practically everyone's done the test. And besides all that, you don't care about how I feel about soulmates. You slept with me, knowing that I wanted to be with my soulmate, knowing how guilty I felt about it."

"Right," he retorted, hurt intertwined between his words, "and you slept with me, knowing you were going to leave."

Unfortunately, she couldn't deny that. But she hadn't known he'd expected her to stay.

A silence fell between them.

Scorpius sighed and ran a hand through his hair before he spoke again, making the blond strands stick up. "This wasn't how this was supposed to go."

This inflamed Rose immediately. "How were things supposed to go?"

He didn't reply.

"You think you know better than the SoulMate program," she said, "who has brought so many people together, so many happy lifelong relationships, with a ninety-nine percent success rate—"

"You sound like the fucking brochure—"

"What do you know?" she demanded. "How do you know what things are supposed to be like better than anyone else?"

This seemed to have rendered him momentarily speechless.

"You don't," she reiterated needlessly, but she felt compelled to do so.

"If you had known we were soulmates," he said quietly, as though he were trying to convince both of them, "then it would've been different. You would've been swept up in all the soulmate bullshit. You wouldn't have gotten to know me in the same way."

"Yes, well," she said, swiping at her very wet cheeks, "I didn't know. And I still don't know you."

Rose had a lot more to say to him, at least a hundred questions on the tip of her tongue, but she wasn't sure she could voice them without exploding. She also knew leaving was probably the worst thing she could do, because for whatever reason, Scorpius seemed to fixate on it.

But she left anyway, before he could lie to her again.

Rose should've been happy they were soulmates. She knew that.

For some reason, she felt the same way she did when she wanted to leave Quidditch (admittedly, long before her accident). That things were fine, that she was being silly with her doubts, that she should be grateful that things worked out the way they did. After all, Quidditch had been everything she wanted.

And now, Scorpius was everything she wanted.

So why couldn't she just be happy?

Rose was still considering this when Albus came back to the flat from work. He'd only just closed the door behind him when he froze, seeing her curled up on the couch, tear tracks still stained on her cheeks, shoving a samosa in her mouth.

Immediately, he dropped his bag and engulfed her in a hug. "Oh, Rose. You found out, didn't you?"

As soon as he let her go, she threw her half-eaten samosa at him. "You knew?"

"No!" he protested as potatoes and peas fell onto the floor behind him. "Well, yes, I knew, but I didn't know he was going to hide it from you for this long."

"How could you not tell me?" Rose felt like crying all over again.

"I know, I know," he said, sitting back on the couch cushion. Albus looked very guilty, as if he'd been holding it in for a long time. "We're family. But it wasn't my secret to tell, and I tried getting Scorp to tell you himself, I really did."

"That didn't work," Rose mumbled, helping herself to the pakoras she'd also ordered. "He only told me because I saw the SoulMate tattoo."

Albus nodded. "Yup, that would do it."

"Why didn't he just tell me?"

"Because he's Scorpius," he said, rolling his eyes. "Always thinks he knows what's best for him, but he doesn't. If he'd just told you when he figured out you fancied him, it would've been fine, right?"

She considered this. "I mean, I'd like to think so." If he'd ever figured it out, that was.

"But instead, he created this whole mess," he said, burying his face in his hands. "Scorp made us swear not to tell you."

"Us?"

"Orion and I," he explained, sighing before grabbing a samosa. "Remember, we were all there when we got pissed that night three years ago. We were so drunk I don't even remember how we got to the SoulMate offices."

"Wait—you did the spell while drunk?" Rose asked, sitting up straight. "But that's illegal."

"It wasn't the only illegal thing we did." Albus swallowed and dipped the tip of his samosa in chutney. "We didn't do the regulated SoulMates spell. Like the one we do for everyone, the one where you need to meet your soulmate and both be in the program, yada, yada, yada."

"You did the original spell?" Her mind was really spinning now. "That is highly illegal, Al—what were you guys thinking? What if someone found out?"

"We weren't thinking, that was the whole problem."

"But Orion already got it done when he came of age, didn't he?" she asked. "Wasn't he sort of pressured to, since he's part of the SoulMates family business?"

He nodded. "Yeah, he did the regulated spell a long time ago. And I would've done it legally too, but I dared Scorpius to do SoulMates too, and he went mad. I mean, of course he did, after what happened with his parents."

"Right," she recounted sadly.

"Scorp insisted he wasn't going to do it unless he knew who his soulmate was right away," Albus continued. "I mean, looking back, I think he was hoping I'd call the whole thing off. But we got in a huge row, I called his bluff, and next thing I know, we're doing the illegal spell. And once you've done it, there's no reversing it."

So she'd found out the hard way.

"What happened after?" she asked.

"Orion freaked out because we're soulmates, of course," he said, waving a hand as if to say, but you've heard all that. "But Scorp, he just went sort of quiet. Think he regretted it right away. That law about being sober to do SoulMates is spot-on, I don't think Scorpius has ever gotten that drunk again."

A lump formed in her throat. "I guess he was disappointed. That it was me."

"No, it wasn't that." Albus finished his samosa, taking a minute before he spoke again. "I mean, think about it. It was three years ago, you hardly knew each other. Everyone knew you were dating Pratt at the time. You were halfway around the world competing in the big leagues. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't do anything about it."

Rose put the rest of her pakora down and wiped her fingers with a napkin, no longer hungry.

"You have to admit it would've been strange, if he'd just turned up out of nowhere," he said gently.

"Yeah. It would've been."

"I wondered if he avoided you, actually." Albus ran a hand through his hair, thinking. "Did you ever see him, really? Before you started at Quidditch World?"

"Not really, no."

"That would be just like him," he said, sounding apologetic. "Avoiding you just to prove SoulMates wrong. But obviously, you two are perfect for each other, so that was stupid."

Intrigue struck her. "You really think that?"

"Of course," he said matter-of-factly. "You work well together—and not just at work. He's more outgoing, you're on the shyer side. He's a bloody pessimist, you're not. You're both logical, but when it comes to this soulmate stuff, you've got your head in the clouds."

"Those are all opposites, Al," Rose pointed out, but her face was feeling hot.

He laughed. "That's how it works. But you've got plenty in common, don't you? Always planning everything out to death. You're both soppy romantics, though in very different ways—don't know how that happened." He shook his head. "And you both read. For fun."

She couldn't help but let out a chuckle, even if it was a little watery. "I still can't believe you never told me."

Albus was quiet for a moment. "I think what you have to understand is… Orion and I, even if we don't work out romantically, we're still Scorp's family. More than his actual family. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but we wouldn't ever tell his secrets, not if he'd made us swear not to."

Rose remembered what Scorpius said about everyone leaving. "I think the fighting between you and Orion has been tough for him."

"Yeah. Not that he'd ever admit that."

But Scorpius had admitted it to her, hadn't he?

"I really thought he wanted to try with you," Albus confessed. "He just makes it confusing, and then he was spending so many nights away—I thought he was with you, at first, but then you did the SoulMates test, so I guess he was somewhere else. He doesn't want to talk about you with me."

"Maybe he thought it would be awkward," she said, remembering how he never talked to her about their picture in The Daily Prophet.

"Maybe." He grinned at her. "He fancies the hell out of you, though. I catch him staring off all the time, just smiling. I swear he's never done that in his life."

She groaned and brought her knees up, sticking her very red face in between them.

"Scorpius lied to me," she reminded him, "but before I found out about the soulmate thing… he thought—well, I don't know what he thought exactly, it was all very confusing—but he didn't realize I liked him at all, let alone been in love with him for the past year."

Rose squinted at Albus, who held up his hands. "I didn't tell him."

"Good," she said, making him laugh. "I tried to tell him, but… I didn't really get the message across. I'm not really sure how."

"Oh, come on," he said, poking her knee. "You write all those lovey-dovey stories—"

"I never should've let you read them—"

"—you know exactly how to tell him." He poked her again. "You're just scared."

She emerged from her knees. "Of course I'm scared! I didn't know he was my soulmate until two hours ago."

"You know now, and you're still scared."

"I was starting to not be scared," she corrected, "and then the whole soulmate thing came out, and now I don't really trust him anymore."

Albus put an arm around her. "I don't think that's entirely true. Yes, he made a mistake. But you know he's an honest person, right? He wasn't going to hide it from you forever."

"I don't know that," she said, but the words felt like a lie. She knew Scorpius, she'd read everything he'd ever published. The man was highly moralistic, even if his morals differed than hers. She knew how terrible he felt for spying, how he'd apologized to her more than once.

"Come on, Rose," he urged encouragingly. "Talk to him. Be brave."

"I dunno." That word pierced through her, and she felt her eyes filling up with tears all over again. "Sometimes I feel like everyone wants me to be someone I'm not."

"That's not true."

"I try to be brave, I do." She sniffed, but it didn't stop the tears from spilling out. "You think my injury isn't real."

"I wish it wasn't real. But I do think it's real." He frowned. "You really think I don't believe you?"

"You ask about it like it could be healed with a trip to St. Mungo's." Rose used the back of her hands to wipe her cheeks, which were feeling quite raw by this point. "Scorpius wishes I was someone who didn't believe in soulmates. Everyone else wishes I was Quidditch Rose, loud, competitive and brave."

Albus tightened his arm around her and brought her face into his shoulder. "Where is this coming from?"

Rose couldn't fully answer this. Somewhere in there were Emily and James, but there was a small voice tugging at the back of her mind, wondering if it was her who couldn't let go of her former self.

"I had everything I wanted," she mumbled into the soft cotton of his t-shirt. "Why did I have to lose my passion for Quidditch? Why couldn't everything have stayed the same? I was supposed to be happy. Scorpius is my soulmate. I'm supposed to be happy."

"Because you changed," he said gently. "Shit happened, you grew up. You're still a team player, I've heard that much from Scorp, at least. You're still kind and hard-working."

It felt good to hear those things, even if it was difficult to believe.

"And," he added, "you would've been ecstatic that Scorp was your soulmate if he hadn't kept it from you in this weird, convoluted way."

Rose leaned back on the couch. "He could've just asked me out."

"Could his life have been easier if he'd just gone about this normally? Probably. Was he going to be able to? No." He heaved a sigh. "Trust me, I warned him it would come to this, and I told him I would have to kick his arse."

"Are you really going to?"

"Metaphorically, yes."

This made her chuckle.

"You've had him up on a pedestal for a long time," he pointed out. "He's not perfect, even if he is your soulmate."

"I guess that's true." She was reminded of Laila's grievances with her soulmate. Or even Orion; Albus wouldn't have him on a pedestal, considering what they'd been through. "Have you spoken to Orion?"

"Since I moved out this morning? No," he said, chuckling. "We've been fighting less, though. I think some space was good for us. It always is, when it comes to soulmate shit. Things get too intense with the implication of forever."

It didn't seem to bother Rose at all. Which was strange, if she thought about it. "So you're moving on, then? Completely?"

Albus shrugged. "Listen, I don't know if I'm in love with Ethan. I still think I'm half in love with Orion because I still want to be around him all the time. But with Ethan it's fun, more fun than I've had in years, and I just want to keep that going for as long as I can."

Albus did seem happy. Or at least basking in his honeymoon phase.

"I'm happy for you," she told him meaningfully, making him smile. "Really."

"Thanks." He patted her on the back as she sniffed, finally out of tears. "You two will work things out. He's just scared, the same as you."

"Except I am without parental baggage."

"You have a different kind of baggage."

"True. Also," Rose remembered suddenly, turning towards him, "can you explain to me how I don't have a SoulMate tattoo? I thought you said the spell isn't reversible."

Albus suddenly stood up. "It's not."

"Then?"

"Didn't I also mention Scorpius made us swear that you wouldn't be able to take the test?" he said sheepishly, inching backwards and away from the living room, hands held up. "I may have just showered you with some sparks instead of doing the actual spell."

"Albus Severus Potter," she thundered. "You're fucking joking, right?"

"Umm…"

"Come back here!"

"I'm going to unpack some more!" he yelled as he ran into his bedroom and shut the door.

Despite herself, Rose was giggling for a while. In a strange way, she was relieved she hadn't done the spell, even if her results actually did indicate Scorpius was her soulmate, as she suspected. She'd spent too long in the other scenario, cursing SoulMates to death.

When she'd washed her face, used a lot of moisturizer to make up for the crying and made it into her bedroom, she was restless. It was far too quiet, and without realizing, Rose found herself sitting down at her desk. Her leather journal and quill were sitting there, looking awfully lonely, as it had for many months now.

She could read a book, try to get her mind off of everything, but that wasn't what she needed. Not at that moment. Reading novels could only get her so far, and she really did have to sort out her thoughts. Properly.

And maybe she would finally know what to do.

Rose picked up her quill and began to write.

A/N: Hi hi! I hope this begins to answer the questions you might've had about them being soulmates. Would love to hear whether you think Scorpius was justified in keeping the secret from Rose or not :)

Thanks for reading!