AN: A small canon rewrite in the Longest Night of Rain 21x12. Olivia invites Ed back to her place after their scene along the river.

"I remember this", Ed observed fondly spying the picture as he moved into the entryway. "I took it."

Moving further into her apartment, Olivia watched him as his eyes lingered on the frame. She knew the image well, it was one of her favorites. In it, she was sitting at an outdoor cafe in sunny Paris, dressed in a white sundress and a camel flat brim hat. A toddler Noah giggling in her lap while her smiling face nudged his cheek.

"You did", she confirmed, her smile creeping into the edges of her voice. When he managed to tear his eyes away from the photo, she gestured for him to make himself at home. "I have a whole bunch of them from that trip around here somewhere."

Olivia was having a hard time parting ways from Ed after the walk on the pier so she had invited him back to her apartment to warm up. He had just come back into her life and with the limited time he had left, she wasn't ready to lose him again. At least not yet.

"Can I get you something to drink? I got bourbon, beer?"

Digging a little white roll out of the pocket of his jacket, he held it up sheepishly. "I started down the more, uh, herbal route. You mind?" He asked, tilting his head towards the window.

"Better than cigarettes", she teased playfully. "You know the drill. I'm just gonna change real quick."

When she re-emerged from the back hallway, shoebox in hand, she spotted him on the fire escape through the cracked open window and made her way over to him. She pushed the window open all the way and sat in the windowsill, handing him a water bottle where he was seated on an up turned flower pot on the metal grate. "Cotton mouth right?" She nodded at the joint.

"Like a motherfucker." Ed chuckled, the weed already visibly making him a little lighter.

The shock was evident on his face when she grabbed the joint from him, her fingers brushing his in the process. "Bold, Captain." He rumbled, amusement dancing in his tone.

"We both know they're more lenient on the CO's with the random drug tests. It's not right but it's true." She said as she brought it to her lips and took a generous pull and then a baby one after that. "I'll just be careful the next couple of weeks." She shrugged, holding the earthy smoke in her lungs.

Once she felt a rush to her head, she exhaled the light smoke and watched as it dispersed into the night sky. She felt his gaze on her and turned to find his heavy lidded eyes taking her in. "What?" She half coughed, half laugh as she handed him back the joint.

The way she was balancing in the window frame, short cotton shorts hidden by an old oversized NYPD crewneck sweatshirt, reminded him of all those times years ago. Him smoking on the fire escape, Her keeping him company while he smoked, giving him a hard time about the habit all the while. It was one of the little moments he missed after they parted ways.

"Just memories." He hummed with a lazy smile. She held his eyes for a moment before a shiver ran through her.

"One more", she wiggled her fingers back at him as he handed her the roll. "Then we gotta get back inside. It's cold."

When they were back inside and he settled into the couch, she grabbed a topless shoebox from the kitchen island before joining him. "Speaking of memories", she nodded to the box as she handed it to him.

Taking the stack of photographs out of the box, he looked over at her with a soft reverence in his glassy eyes. The box held all of the photos from their Paris vacation and he had to take a deep, steadying breath before gathering the courage to flip through them.

There was a time when he wanted to forget that season of his life but he's glad that these were memories his disease didn't touch. But seeing these images, the ones that have just floated around his head for years, in screaming color made his chest clutch tight.

Sighing affectionately, he slowly flipped through the images slowly as the memories flooded back. He took his time with each one, soaking in every pixel. One in particular caught his eye, made him linger a second longer.

One hand covered his heart lovingly as he flashed her the photo. It was of Ed and Noah from when they had visited Disney Paris. Ed held the toddler easily in one arm while Noah's tiny one clutched the man's neck. They were both looking at something out of frame, pointing at it with their free hands and a look of wonder on their faces.

The candid shot captured a moment in time he felt like a father. He had thrived then, loving Noah and Olivia was the first thing that gave him a sense of purpose outside the NYPD. And it came so goddamn naturally.

"I love that one." Olivia smiled brightly and he nodded.

If she wasn't mistaken, she swore she saw his blue eyes glisten in the low light. "It's a good one", he cleared his thickening throat, taking one last look before flipping to the next one.

He was almost at the end of the stack when another made him linger a little longer. It was one of the few images that held all three of them. They were standing in front of the Eiffel Tower. Olivia tucked under one of his arms while the other held a toddler Noah high. Olivia was tickling her sons belly, trying to get him to smile for the camera while Tucker chuckled at her goofy attempts.

It wasn't the polished portrait most people strived for but it was a perfect candid moment of happiness captured on glossy paper. "We look like a family here." He croaked, his lips upturning in a small smile.

The emotion in his voice made the corner of her eyes tingle and her throat squeeze. "We were a family." She confirmed, leaning closer and squeezing his bicep. "In our own little way." His eyes met hers again and they were filled with fondness and nostalgia. A fondness she didn't feel she deserved, she tore that family apart and he still looks at her like she hung all the stars.

Swiping a hand over his mouth, his tried to clear the emotion from his throat. "Last year I'd gotten a new phone. There was a glitch when I tried to back it up and I lost all my pictures. So this means a lot." He covered the hand that was on his arm and squeezed it. "It's like rewatching a half forgotten dream."

Turning over her hand under his, she focused on where her thumb ran over his rough knuckles. "Over the last couple of days, the thought of you forgetting me, forgetting us, has been eating away at me." Her voice was quiet and her eyes avoided his.

When his hand squeezed hers firmly, she meet his gaze. "I remember everything." He said, each word as deliberate as the sincerity in his eyes.

Her head spun and a warmth spread throughout her whole body. The former could be blamed on the joint but the latter, that was all Ed. The pure care radiating from his eyes coupled with his intense gaze was something so distinctly him. She mentally added those to the list of things she would miss about Ed Tucker. And the list was never ending.

Trying to blink away the burgeoning emotion in her eyes, she gave him her best challenging smirk. "Everything huh?" He nodded in response. "So you remember when Rollins busted us at the museum?"

"Sure do", he chuckled with a nod. It was the first time she had seen him smile, really smile, in years. The way his eyes shone and the lines that formed at the corner of them were so endearing her heart felt like it might burst. Another thing to add to that list.

"That time Noah and I got the stomach bug?" His eyes softened, remembering the significance of that night.

"Of course."

Looking down to their still joined hands, she suddenly became hyper aware of his rough palm under hers. It was hard not to remember how they felt all over her body. She cleared the thickness in her throat. "Our last night in Paris?"

The quality in her voice had changed as had the air in the room. Deep down, she knew what she was doing in bringing up the most loving, earth-shattering, all-consuming night of sex they'd shared. That she ever shared with anyone.

"All of it." He confirmed in a rough voice. When she looked back up at him, the shift in the room became impossible to ignore. His eyes dropped to her lips for a beat and she wondered if he clocked the hitch of her breathing. Knowing how well he had always read her body, he probably did.

When his hand cradled her cheek, she had to make a conscious effort to fight the flutter of her eyelids. She did not want to miss a millisecond of him. "You are unforgettable, Olivia Margaret Benson.

Tears prickled at the corners of her eyes as he swiped his thumb along the dip under her quivering lower lip. There was something calming about being held by him again, like she could finally let her guard down. They fell back into such into each other with such ease, it was like muscle memory. He was part of a small club that got to see Olivia Benson in her most pure state.

Inhaling a shaky breath, she nuzzled her cheek into his welcoming hand as she tried to mentally catalogue this moment. His fingertips grazing behind her ear, his familiar smell wafting from his wrist, the ripples of his forearm under her fingers.

Taking his hand between both of hers, she pressed her mouth against his knuckles and let her plump lips trail across his rough skin. His mouth was dry and that couldn't be completely blamed on the weed. She had slowly moved to face him on the couch, sitting back on her heels.

"I, uh, mean no disrespect to your wife", her voice was small and her eyes were focused on where her hands played with his. "But I think you were the love of my life." When she braved a look back up at him, she gave him a sad smile. "I guess I always kind of hoped we would find each other again."

Ed's heart jumped and he wondered if she felt it where her fingers danced along his pulse point. He licked his lips, buying himself time, if even for a second. "I love Patty but I was never gonna love anyone the way I loved you." He admitted as he looked down at their intertwined hands. "If I knew we were gonna crossed paths again, I would've waited for you."

A tidal wave of overwhelming love and regret washed over her and she looked towards the ceilings as her face crumbled, tears squeezing out onto her high cheeks. It was everything she had wanted to hear for years but it came just a bit too late. Their time was running out.

Olivia took a deep breath and swiped one hand underneath her eyes while the other held onto his tight. "Can I…", she sniffled, her voice watery. "Is it okay if I hug you?"

Before she had gotten the words out, his hand had already left hers to tangle in the material of her oversized sweatshirt. "Come here." He didn't know what he was expecting but her straddling and dropping herself onto his lap wasn't it.

It took his foggy mind a moment to register that this wasn't a dream. That her breath on his neck, her fingers scraping against the back of his head, her weight on his lap was, in fact, real.

It took him a minute but when his arms circled her body, he hauled her up against him and held on tight. His chest deflated when he let out a pent up breath and that's all it took for her to melt into him.

Hours could've passed them by but they stayed just like that. Holding each other, breathing into each other. How he could simultaneously be on the verge of falling sleep and hyper aware of her every movement was a mystery to him. His hands soothed over the worn cotton that covered her back while hers scratched through the short silver hair at the back of his head. Both soothing gestures they learned the other liked during their time together.

He could've sworn he had drifted asleep when he felt her lips brush against the side of her neck. The jolt straight to his groin at the peak of her tongue the only indication he was conscious.

The hitch is his breath was barely audible but the way his hands twisted in her sweatshirt was a gauge. He was thankful that none of his health issues were cardiac related because she was making his heart run wild.

Her hands were everywhere, torturously slow moving. Roaming his back, clutching his biceps, pulling the collar of his shirt aside to expose more skin to her exploring lips. It was grating on his withering self control.

For over a decade, Olivia had been in love with her married partner and she prided herself on maintaining a level of restraint. But somehow, this was different. There was something about knowing how he tasted, knowing the things he whispered in her when he was buried deep inside her. She knew it wasn't right but something deep down in her rationalized that it didn't matter who he was with now, he was hers first.

"It's been years, how does it still feel like you're still mine?" She realized her dialogue was no longer internal when her rough voice met her ears.

When his body stilled under her, she worried she had popped their bubble so she buried her face deeper in his neck. The breath she didn't realize she had been holding rushed from her lungs as his hands slipped under her crewneck. They grasped the side of her waist and pulled away slightly so he could look her in the eye.

"I've always been yours, I never stopped. I just…", he looked away, vulnerability teetering on the edge of his voice. "… didn't want to die alone." Even though she has spent the better part of the last week coming to terms Ed's fate, hearing him say the words overwhelmed her. The emotions swelling and bursting in her chest.

Taking his head between her hands, she pressed her lips to his without hesitation. His fingers trailed up the soft skin of her back, following the path they've taken dozens of times. Apologies whispered between heated kisses. "I should've been there."

Shaking his head, he reassured. "You're here now, that's all that matters." He ran his hands up her bare thighs, clocking just how high her shorts rode up on her ass.

There was a war raging inside of Ed as turbulent as the lust barreling through his veins. One side of him was the Irish Taurus, eternally loyal and riddled with guilt when not. The other was the dying man who had found himself with the one that got away dropped right his his lap.

Even though he knew his legal devotion was to Patty, the simmering loyalty in his gut was reserved for Olivia. It had been for years. And soon there would be no him, no Olivia, no Patty. There would just be eternity in whatever heaven ended up being, if anything. But what was heaven without Olivia Benson?

When she slid off of his lap, he felt the loss instantly but he took the opportunity to let his eyes feast on her. Her long toned legs, still the slightest bit golden despite it being the middle of the winter. The way her sweatshirt made her taller than average form somehow seem more petite. The light pink flush that crawled up her neck and tinted her gorgeous face. His eyes met her smiling ones but he felt no shame in being caught ogling her. He wanted to savor every glimpse.

Standing in front of him, Olivia reached out a hand in invitation and he accepted it without hesitation. As he rose from the couch, the box of photos fell to the ground and when he bent to pick it up, one photo in particular caught his eye. He stood back up and Olivia's body heat radiated against him as she leaned in to also look at the picture he held.

The memory crashed over him and his blood turned into magma flowing through his veins. It had been there last night in Paris when she walked out of the bathroom in a lingerie set that knocked the air from his lungs and paralyzed his tongue. He'd taken the picture from his spot on the bed, afraid that her sexiness would melt his brain and he wouldn't have time to process the image in front of him.

She was a foot or two away from him on his side of the bed, her closer arm reaching down so her nails raked along his boxer brief clad thigh. Her positioning causing one of her hips to pop enticingly as her other hand teased her hair where it was pulled up into a loose twist.

The black lace hugged every one of her curves like it was tailor made and the short, satin robe hung off her shoulder from her crooked elbow. Her deep brown eyes had flickered up to the camera just in time for him to snap the picture.

"Liv", he breathed, his eyes never leaving the glossy paper.

One of her hands slid up his chest while the other slipped her fingers between his as she breathed into her neck. "C'mere. I wanna show you something."

The last thing he wanted to do was tear his eyes away from the photograph but her body pressed up against him reminded him he had the real thing. He allowed her to lead him down the hallway to her bedroom.

When door shut behind him, he let himself to bask in the familiar scent that washed over him. It was purely Olivia Benson and it simultaneously calmed his nerves and sent a jolt of excitement through him.

There was comfort in the familiarity between the two of them and yet, the sensuality that crackled between them set his skin aflame. He hadn't moved from his spot by the door until she grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into the room.

Not much had changed, he noticed. It was like stepping out of a time machine. Back to a time when there was no cancer, no wife. To a time they were still together.

Pushing him down lightly so he was sitting on the edge of the bed, she moved to stand between his bent legs and took his face between her hands. They stared at each other for a beat. A silent understanding between them. That this was a safe space, that whatever happened between them stayed within these four walls. They knew no one else would understand.

One hand slipped to the back of his neck as she pulled him into her stomach, his face burying into the soft, worn cotton of her crewneck. He took deep, steady breaths, reveling in her scent as his large hands ran up and down the back of her bare thighs.

Time stood still. The dread he'd been feeling for weeks had evaporated the second he walked through the threshold of her apartment. He didn't care if his time was limited as long as he got to spend it here, with her.

His hands twisted in the hem of her sweatshirt as he slowly pushed it up her torso, so slowly that she didn't even realize it was happening until his lips were against the skin of her stomach. She choked on a gasp as his hot tongue peeked out swipe along her soft skin.

A flush overtook her entire body and she suddenly felt overwhelmingly warm. Without hesitation, she pulled her sweatshirt off and goosebumps erupted across her skin as it was exposed.

If she wasn't so wired with the lust barreling through her, she definitely would've laughed at the look on Ed's face. Her bare breasts hung heavy in front of him and he had to swallow against the flood that invaded him mouth.

Just as he leaned forward to take her in his mouth, she caught him by the chin and made him look at her. "Wait, I still wanna show you something."

"Your fault", he retorted with a teasing tilt, his eyes flickering to her chest quickly before returning.

A slight chuckle bubbled up her throat as she reached for the top drawer of her nightstand. She pulled out a copy of the photo he picked up off the floor in the living room. The one from Paris, the one of her in that lingerie. He watched her face as she looked at the photo, her plump bottom lip tucked between her teeth and her brown eyes alight.

"I'll look at this sometimes when I make myself cum." She confessed and he thought he was going to swallow his tongue. "And I know that sounds weird but it's… it's because this is through your eyes. This is how you see me. And I've never felt sexier." His head spun and his cock jumped in his already tight pants.

A strangled groan escaped his throat as his hands roughly groped her ass. "Olivia", he croaked before taking her tightened nipple in his mouth.

Letting her head fall back against her shoulders, a loud moan tore from her as her hand roughly grabbed at his short silver hair. With a rough suck, he let go of her tit and moved to lay hot open mouthed kissed down her soft stomach.

Using his foot to nudge her legs further apart, he peeled her tight shorts over her thick ass and down her legs. When the scent of her arousal invaded his senses, something primal came over him and he surged forward and pressed his face into her crotch.

She let out a breathy gasp as her hands clutched at his neck and shoulders. The urgency of her hands just spurred him on as his tongue licked at her center, dipping into the pool of arousal just below the surface.

"You need to take this off." She demanded, frantically pulling his shirt up until it caught right under his armpits.

As much as it pained him, he listened and tore himself from her. He reached behind his back, grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head. She couldn't contain her giggle as the winter static made his hair stand on end. He blinked up at her and his glistening lips stretching into a small smile.

Dipping her head down, she tasted herself on his lips before ordering, "Sit back on the bed."

"Yes, Captain." He smirked before shaking his head slightly in wonder. "A goddamn Captain, I knew it." He muttered under his breath and she smirked.

Ever since she had met him in the bar five years earlier, no one had been a bigger supporter of her career than him. It had actually taken her some time to get used to having someone so encouraging around. He believed in her even when she didn't.

She loved that about him.

Ed had managed to shed his pants before settling back against the headboard. Seeing him sitting on her bed, naked and ready, filled her with an overwhelming sense of erotic nostalgia.

Straddling his hips, she grasped at his freckled shoulders as she balanced up on her knees. "FYI, I've only been with one guy since you. He wasn't nearly as big and it was a while ago." She explained hotly against his mouth.

"Such a fucking shame." He practically growled, the tip of his thick cock brushing against the weeping seam between her legs. "God, I would've fucked you every single night."

She moaned and clenched around nothing.

Five years ago, she never would've believed it. The strong, silent IAB Captain, the man of notoriously few words, was a master at dirty talk. He could make her leak onto her thighs with just his words. It made her want to match his energy, the verbal filth just spilling from her mouth.

Holding his chin in her hand, she rubbed her thumb across his parted lips. "All those times you were inside me and I barely got used to your fat cock. You stretched me out every single time."

Catching her lips with his, he swallowed her dirty words before slipping his tongue into her hot mouth. When he pressed the head of his cock inside of her, he felt her legs begin to tremble and grasped her hips to hold her up. Her breathing came in gasping pants, increasing with every inch of him she took, he could feel the urgency in her fingertips along his shoulders.

"Easy, sweetheart." He rasped between wet kisses. "That's it, you take me so well." The encouragement sent a jolt straight to her clit and she sunk down the rest of the way until her ass was flush against his lap.

Since finding out about her praise kink a couple months into their relationship, he played into it often and he was good at it. In almost every other aspect of her life she was a boss ass bitch, but in these moments she was his good girl. She loved being his good girl.

They stayed motionless for a minute, allowing her body to become accustomed to his size again. The way their bellies shuddered against each other with every breath was so intimate, she wanted to stay in this moment forever.

"You fit me so perfectly, you were made for me." That caused his hips to jerk involuntarily and he choked on a growl.

Tangling his hand in her hair, he gave a firm tug and she practically yelped as he went in on her exposed throat. That made her start to move, the rhythmic rocking of her hips setting a delicious building pace.

"Look at me", he demanded softly.

The clarity in his crystal blue eyes made her already ragged breathing catch in her throat. Their mouths were pressed together, not quite kissing but they were breathing into one another like they were each others lifelines.

Her steady cadence of deep thrusts faltered when a wave of emotion clutched her chest. "How am I…", she muttered against his skin. "How am I supposed to live in this world without you?"

The end of her question was cut off by a choked sob. He moved to grab her face between his hands as she slowed down in his lap. "You've done it masterfully these past few years." He tried to keep his tone light as he peppered her face with kisses.

"But I always knew you were out there." She practically pouted, clenching her internal muscles around his thickness which caused him to groan. "And I don't mean for this to sound any type of way but I knew if I called you, you would come running."

A bright smile spread across his face. "You're right I would've."

That made her start moving again and the kiss she planted against his lips could only be described as dirty. It felt like his hands were everywhere, touching every spot she ached for him. He could read her like his favorite book.

"I'll love you for the rest of my life." She declared breathlessly. Her words caused a surge of lust fueled adrenaline to rush through him.

With one arm fastened around her waist, he smoothly rolled them so he was now on top of her. "I love you, I love you", he panted into her neck as he began moving frantically between her legs.

The sound of their bodies meeting in a frenzy filled the room accompanied by hushed words of their loving admissions. He could tell she was close from the way she fluttered around him and the increasing desperation in her voice. And he wasn't far behind.

As if reading his mind, she begged hotly in his ear, "Come inside me."

That sent a shock up his spine but hesitation creeped in from the deep recesses of his mind. "I want to. God I want to", he explained, his hips bucking at the thought. "I just… don't want to leave anything behind."

The look of sadness in his eyes was enough to shatter her already broken heart. When they were together that was still a concern, getting pregnant. She had entered a new chapter in life since their breakup, one where that was no longer a concern.

As much as she understood where he was coming from, she couldn't help feel her heart ache at the impossibility of having a living, breathing piece of him after he was gone.

Forcing a small smile, she pulled his face down to hers. "That's not an issue anymore. Come in me, please."

That's all it took for him to fuck her into the mattress, desperately as if her sweet pussy could save him from his impending fate. He could feel that she was building right there with him.

Normally, Olivia was loud in these moments but this time her mouth dropped open in a silent moan as her limbs began to tremble on their own accord. As her orgasm seized her body, Ed fought to keep his eyes opened as she clenched around him. He knew this would be the last time he saw her in this intimate state and he didn't want to miss a second.

It was the feeling of her nails digging into the muscle of his lower back that sent him over the edge. The final nail in his coffin… so to speak.

A deep groan tore from his throat as he emptied himself inside of her in a series of several spurts. The way her fluttering walls milked him for everything he was worth only extended his mind numbing orgasm.

When he was spent, he fell on top of her and buried his face in her dewey neck as he struggled to catch his breath. A shiver rippled through his whole body at the featherlight touch of her nails along his back and the aftershocks of his orgasm.

With a kiss against the hair matted to her forehead, he finally managed to roll off of her. She laid there, her chest heaving with every breath, looking over at him like he may just disappear.

"Go pee, sweetheart. I'll be here when you get back." He croaked, reading her mind for the millionth time that night.

When she finished up in the bathroom, she found him in her bed on the verge of sleep. Taking every second she could, she slipped into the crook of his arm and dozed off with him.

It was hours later when she awoke to the orange glow of the setting sun casting a calming light in the room. Ed was sitting on the bed fully dressed as he put his watch back on. His hair was damp so he must've snuck off to the shower while she slept.

A smile lit his face when he noticed she was awake and leaned forward to press kisses all along her face. "Thank you for today", he breathed against her lips before sitting back up.

She caught one of his hands in hers and held on for a minute. "I don't want you to go." She confessed softly, the double meaning to her words making tears sting at the corners of her eyes.

"I don't have a choice." He whispered sadly.

And with one last lingering kiss, slipped out the door. She waited to hear the front door click before she let the burgeoning tears start to flow.

That was the last time she saw Ed Tucker.

He took his own life three days later.