Code Duke
Disclaimer: If you recognize it then I don't own it.
A/N: For Whumptober 2023 #8"I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier." Overcrowded ER
The Duke boys were not strangers to the local ER. They had always been known for their recklessness, anything from jumping the General Lee in a speeding car chase to having their giant hero complexes get them involved somehow with every shady character in Hazzard County. It didn't help that sometimes they fought with each other almost as much as they fought in defense of one another or someone else in need. They didn't usually mean any real harm but both boys were stubborn as the day was long, with fists as hard as their thick skulls. They were as thick as thieves but could fight like a couple of ol' billy goats. When they really butted heads it was a sight to behold, but when they worked as a team they could accomplish what had once seemed impossible.
Most of the consequences of their daring stunts could be patched up by their knowledgeable Uncle Jesse or the local country doctor. Doc Appleby had to have given them a dang good deal by now for how often the Dukes required his services. It didn't seem possible but the boys were more prone to danger and injury since they had stopped illegally running moonshine. It probably didn't help their reckless natures any that Boss Hogg and his crocked sheriff hounded their every move just looking for any excuse to throw them into federal prison. Those Duke boys could hardly help themselves pushing the limits of the corrupt system, getting one over on the two men any chance they could get. Most of the county enjoyed watching them do it, silently cheering them on like two modern-day Robin Hoods.
The boys had been in trouble since the day they moved in with their Uncle Jesse after each of their folks died. Their cousin Daisy could be almost as bad but seemed to have either a little more sense or a little more luck to avoid a majority of the physical consequences of reckless actions the boys acquired. A growing amount of scars, bumps, and bruises were a common sight on the body of both Duke boys. Those were the easy injuries to deal with but not always to only ones, sometimes they got themselves into more trouble than they bargained for. That is when they had to come to the closest ER; it was something they avoided doing if at all possible. It was never a good sign when Bo and Luke Duke walked in through the doors of the ER. It meant that something was really wrong with one or both boys.
The room was crowded when they entered the waiting area, holding each other upright. It had been a busy day, with a new stomach bug going around and an outbreak of some bad produce the ER was full of sick miserable folk, along with the usual amounts of injuries and such. The staff was working hard at a steady rate to bring each patient back in a timely manner but seemed to be fighting a losing battle as more sick people kept darkening their doors looking for help. The overworked and understaffed medical personnel were becoming uptight and snappish and the disgruntled patients became more irritated and sick as they grew tired of waiting. It created a vicious cycle of misery for the whole ER.
The Duke boys almost turned right around and left at the sight before them. Hacking coughs, crying kids, angry raised voices, and the sounds of heaving into various buckets, bowls, and trash cans. It was a special kind of hell. Helen, the front desk lady, familiar with the boys pinned them down with a glare. She knew if these two particular patients had come in then they should not be leaving without seeing a doctor. The boys clearly miserable slumped into the closest chairs falling into them unable to stay on their feet a moment longer, knowing the doctor would see them soon. Helen called back a Code Duke before taking the paperwork out to them. Knowing their brand of trouble it was better to get the paperwork going as soon as possible and get them back quickly.
They looked worse the closer she got. Luke was holding his head in his hands. He looked up at her approach, clenching his jaw at the movement. He pulled himself up straight with a soft hiss of pain. His arm with a bloody bandage went to his ribs with a wince, because his other arm was already swelling up to twice its size. It looked like he had taken a few good hits. While Bo looked like he had taken a good few more hits. While he looked mostly whole and unbroken, he was covered in bruises and looked like he was going to be sick. She placed a trashcan by his leg, used to the familiar symptoms by now. His eyes were ringed in dark shinners as he squinted up at her, with only a slit of blue showing. She hoped the other guys looked worse but she wasn't sure that was possible. She also wondered if Bo hadn't already lost his lunch in the orange car both boys loved so much as he threw up only stringy bile into the trash can. Luke's relatively good arm, the bloody one, went to his cousin's back rubbing it as Bo continued to heave even when there was nothing left to come up.
She waited for Daisy or Jesse to walk through the door, but they never did. It made her wonder which boy had been able to drive, the one with one arm broken and the other bleeding, most likely cracked ribs, and a mild concussion, or the human punching bag with his eyes mostly swelled shut and uncontrollable vomiting? It didn't bear thinking about now that they were safely here mostly still in one piece. They were lucky not to have been pulled over and arrested for reckless driving.
Handing them the clipboards she placed her hands on her hips like a disapproving teacher. "What happened this time?"
"Hey," Bo protested weakly, "It wasn't our fault. It was those dang clowns' fault."
"Helen, you wouldn't believe us if we told you," Luke sighed, knowing full well the story and all its many variants would be all over the county by the time the doctor finally decided to release them. A day in the ER with a Duke as a patient was never boring.