The Introvert's Guide to the Infinity Crisis
…
Chapter 1: Crash Course
It had started out like any other day for me. I had woken up early to get dressed and ready for work, leaving and locking my house behind before walking along the path that would take me to where I worked.
The walk was boring, it always was, but there was a comfort in the everyday routine of walking to work. It had been a cold morning with a slight mist coming in from the sea and cars passed me by as I walked along the footpath.
It was when I had begun to cross the road that some prick came barrelling down the road in their car. I turned to see it bearing down on me and then… darkness. I'd bet I didn't even feel the crunch of my bones breaking as the car hit me at high speeds. Then a bright white light filled my vision followed by darkness.
Then the sudden rush of air hit me as I bolted upright and sucked in a desperate lungful of life-giving air. Panting hard almost hyperventilating, I blinked my eyes a few times, my vision unfocussed and blurry. But after a few moments, my sight cleared and sharpened, although it was still somewhat blurry which made me realise that I wasn't wearing my glasses.
I wasn't completely blind without my glasses, I was just near sighted as I then looked at my surroundings. It appeared I was laying in a bed, the kind hospital patients slept in which made me think I had somehow survived my sudden introduction to a hit and run accident. I looked further around me and saw that I was obviously in some kind of infirmary which seemed like a good sign.
But as I looked closer, I realised that some of the stuff in here looked very advanced, but then again, I wasn't overly familiar with hospital equipment. I tended to avoid going to hospitals as much as I could, in fact, I only ever saw my doctor when I absolutely needed to. Hospitals made me feel uneasy for a variety of reasons; one reason was that someone always ended up dying in hospital. Perhaps not the medical staff's fault, but that was always a possibility to consider.
I noticed that my arm was hooked to an IV drip feed. With a gag and a grimace, I pulled out the catheter, trying not to wince as I removed the fine steel needle from the crook of my elbow. I then noticed that I was naked save for a hospital robe. Trying to ignore the thought of someone seeing me naked which was very hard to do, I swung my legs out and let my feet touch the cold sterile floor. I shivered briefly as chills raced up through my feet and along my legs. After the sensation subsided, I shakily attempted to stand on my feet.
My body felt sluggish and slow to respond which made me wonder just how long I was out. Perhaps I had been rendered comatose for a while? That might explain why I felt so sluggish and slower than a snail.
I then tried to make a step forward towards the door when the muscles in my legs gave out and I collapsed in a heap on the floor. Groaning in pain and frustration, I then made an effort to sit up and recover what little strength I had left in me.
Then the doors to the room slid open and stepping through were two women. But not any two women. These two I was very familiar with.
Standing in front of me were Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel (Carol Danvers) from DC Comics and Marvel Comics respectively. I looked up at them, looking pathetic as I laid sprawled out on the floor as I did.
Wonder Woman's beautiful ocean blue eyes went wide with concern and her mouth morphed into a shocked O and she quickly rushed to my side and scooped me up in her strong arms.
"Are you alright? Are you hurt?" she asked me quickly. "What made you try to leave this room?" she enquired as she set me gently down on the hospital bed.
"Easy, Princess," Carol advised her. "He's gotta be pretty surprised to be here. I know I would be," she said sardonically.
"Where am I?" I asked weakly, my voice feeling weak and unused.
"You're aboard the Watchtower, in the Infirmary," Diana told me right away. "Can you remember your name? Can you tell us who you are?" she asked me kindly, looking like a caring big sister.
"I…" Words failed me as I wracked my brains, my mental faculties feeling faulty. "I don't remember," I finally said, a feeling of panic coming over me. I started hyperventilating as I continued, "Why can't I remember my name?!"
"Easy there, kid," Carol said to me gently, gently taking hold of my hand in her own. "What do you remember?" she asked.
"I was… on my way to work," I said slowly. "I was crossing the street when… when a car… hit me," I added.
"Okay, that's a starting point," Carol murmured with a nod of her head. "Can you remember anything else?" she questioned me.
"A flash of light… then darkness," I answered. "Where am I? How did I get here?" I asked.
"We found you," Wonder Woman told me. "You were in pretty rough shape. It was touch and go for a moment, but you should make a full recovery soon," she said to me with a warm smile.
I then looked at Diana and Carol before I found the courage to ask, "How are you two here?" was the question I asked.
"What do you mean by that?" Carol asked me with a raised eyebrow.
"I think I know what our friend means," Diana said wisely. She looked at me and explained, "Both our universes have been merged into one, and we don't know why."
"Are Batman and Iron Man trying to figure out why?" I asked feeling some small feeling of hope enter my mind.
"They would be if they were here," Carol said grimly.
"Pardon?" I squawked out.
"Our universes have been merged, but all men have been removed," Diana told me. "Except for you. You're possibly the last man in existence," she said.
"What?" I stuttered. Was God having some kind of joke at my expense? Was this some wet dream I was having? Because this was either the best or worst thing that could happen to a guy like me.
"All men are gone, you're the last one," Carol said to me bluntly. "Do you understand that?" she asked as she glared at me.
"Carol, he's obviously scared and confused right now, we can't just dump this on him!" Diana admonished her.
"Thousands, probably millions of people are dying out there right now, Diana!" Carol said angrily. "All men from our universes are gone! We don't have time to waste! This guy could be the answer or the problem for all we know!" she stated as she pointed at me.
Wonder Woman stood to look at Captain Marvel at eye level and replied, "I know that, Carol! What makes you think I was unaware of such a thing? I was trying to explain the situation to our guest here, so that he wouldn't panic!"
"All men are gone?" I mumbled to myself.
"Yes. All men are gone, except for you," Carol said to me a cross voice. "So, congratulations, you're the last man on earth," she added sarcastically.
"Carol!" Diana chided her. She then looked at me with a kinder expression and said, "Please excuse Carol, this situation has been very stressful for everyone involved. I can only imagine how you must be feeling."
I looked at Wonder Woman, my mind numb before I sat back in the bed staring up at the ceiling, a thousand-yard stare on my face.
"Are you okay? Is there someone you can call?" Diana asked me gently.
"Is my phone here?" I asked after a moment.
"Of course. Here," Diana replied as she produced a clear plastic bag that held my wallet, my keys and most importantly my phone. "Is there someone you wish to contact? Your mother, perhaps?" she asked as she handed me the bag.
I didn't answer as I took my phone out from the bag and unlocked it. Opening my contacts list, I found my mother's phone number and called it. The phone rang a few times before the automated voice teller spoke, "The number you have called does not exist, please try again using a different number."
With a frown, I decided to text. I opened my messages and found my mother's. I sent a quick message which returned with a reply telling me that the number didn't exist. With a worried frown, I decided to try my sister's number. I did the same thing and was met with an automated message telling me the number didn't exist.
With a heavy and shaky sigh, I set my phone down and sat back, now realising that I was alone in this strange new universe. I had half hoped that my mum and my sister would be here with me, but it looked like God wanted his joke to continue.
"Are you alright?" I flinched as I felt a hand touch my shoulder and I looked up to see Wonder Woman gazing at me with concern in her eyes.
"My mum and sister… they're not here," I said numbly, my tone devoid of emotion. But underneath, I was reeling from the fact that my family was gone.
"It's going to be alright," Wonder Woman said to me gently as she held my hand. "We'll help you get through this. Won't we, Carol?" she asked looking at Captain Marvel.
"Yeah, sure," Carol Danvers said with a shrug. "But we can't sit around here waiting for a solution," she added almost caustically.
"Carol!" Diana chided her.
"Just saying!"
"You'll have to forgive Carol. She's more of take action kind of person than anything else," Diana said to me apologetically.
"Being in the military and being an Avenger does that for ya," Carol said proudly. She then looked at me and asked, "So, you seem to know who Diana and I are, wanna tell us how you do?"
"You're both… not real where I'm from," I said after I took a moment to consider my words. "You're both fictional characters in comic books," I added.
"Wait a minute, is this gonna be what that crazy merc Deadpool goes on about all the time?" Carol asked and she looked quite sceptical at my words.
"I think I have an idea of what our friend is talking about, Carol," Diana said sagely. "Perhaps the writers of these comic books had subconscious psychic connections to our universes and the flashes of inspiration they received were of events in our respective universes?" she mused.
"Okay, I guess that makes sense," Carol said reluctantly. "But what kind of inspiration would something like this happen?" she wondered out loud. "And how are we going to fix it?" she then added.
"Allow me to answer that for you!" a cold snide voice announced and stepping into the room was a relatively short rotund African-American woman wearing a neat navy blue dress suit and a buzz cut of dark hair and skipping beside her was a taller woman with blonde hair done in pigtails and wearing something akin to a court jester outfit and her face was plastered in white make-up.
I instantly recognised Amanda Waller and Harley Quinn and Wonder Woman did too as her face morphed into an irritated scowl.
"Waller! How in Hades did you get into the Watchtower?" she demanded angrily.
"As always; I let myself in," Waller said curtly.
Harley then stage whispered, "She hijacked your telepotties and beamed us up here."
"Be quiet, Harley!" Amanda ordered.
Carol gave an annoyed grunt and said, "You've been here two minutes and you're already annoying me!"
Waller smiled thinly and replied, "A pity, Captain Danvers. I could use someone like you on my Suicide Squad. Perhaps later, you'll serve as team leader willingly?" she suggested silkily.
"What are you doing here, Mrs Waller?" Wonder Woman then asked in an irritated voice. "You wouldn't be here if it wasn't important," she pointed out.
"You're right, time to cut the chitchat, I'm not here to bandy words or trade barbs. I'm here for him," Waller said looking directly at me.
"Me? What did I do?" I mumbled in a small voice. As I said those words, I had already concluded that being the potentially only man in the world, I was now a valuable asset that many would seek to control or protect.
Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel seemed to realise this too and stood in front of me protectively. "No! You are not getting your hands on him! Not while I still live!" the Amazons Princess promised.
"I agree with Diana! You're not getting your hands on him and dragging him off to do whatever the hell you wanna do with him!" Carol spat as her fists glowed with photonic energy.
Waller looked unimpressed at this display of defiance and said, "Are either of you willing to waste valuable time by fighting? I could do so and come out on top, but I neither have the time nor the patience to do so."
"Why are you here, Waller? It can't simply be for our friend here," Diana pointed out.
"A fair point; I came here to give our young friend this." Pulling out from her jacket, Amanda produced a round circular object. I stared at the thing, drawn to it; it looked like the rotary device of an old-time telephone back when they were first made. But there were six placeholders set around the centre and one of them was filled in with a glowing red stone/ruby that pulsed faintly.
"What is it?" I asked out loud.
"That looks like the H-Dial!" Diana exclaimed.
"And that looks like one of the Infinity Stones!" Carol chimed in.
"You're both partially correct," Waller said to us. "It's what my scientists have labelled the Infinity-Dial. We found it in a crater in the Sonoran Desert, but we haven't been able to get it to work," she added.
"So, why bring it here to us?" Carol asked.
"Well, given that no woman has been able to make this device work, it seems very likely that only a man can activate it, and what luck there is one man right here in front of us," Waller said with a smile.
"Me? Why me? I wouldn't know how to use that thing!" I protested.
"You may be the only one who can, so time to test that theory," Amanda said as she thrust the device into my hands. I fumbled with it, my fingers feeling stiff and made of wood. It felt heavy in my hands like it was made of lead. I began to examine the device. I looked at it and asked, "How does it work? How do I even turn it on?"
"That leads me to the next part of this," Amanda said before beginning to explain. "My scientists had theories as to how the Infinity Dial could be activated and a possible answer is that the Dial is energised by sexually stimulating its bearer," she explained.
"What!?" I blurted out as my eyes went wide with disbelief. This sentiment was shared by Carol and Diana.
"That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" Captain Marvel declared.
"I share that sentiment!" Wonder Woman agreed.
"Heheh, this sounds like one of them superhero porn parodies," Harley giggled uproariously. "I saw one where I got gangbanged by the Sex-Men!" she added.
"That aside, how do you even know such a theory, ridiculous as it sounds, will even work?" Diana asked Waller.
"Precisely why I brought Harley along," Waller said curtly.
"Waitaminute! I gotta fuck this guy in front of everyone?" Harley asked. "I mean, hey, I ain't complaining about getting some dick now that all men are gone, but why's it gotta be me?"
"You don't need to have sexual intercourse. A simple blowjob will do the trick just fine," Waller told her.
Harley grinned widely before looking at and said to Waller, "Waller baby, this has gotta be the best mission you put me on since the time I had to distract Scandal Savage and her girlfriend!"
"No fucking way!" Carol spat angrily. "Keep Giggles the Slutty clown away from him!" she warned.
"Well, perhaps you might be willing to take Harley's place, Captain Danvers," Waller replied.
Carol's face fell at this, and she said awkwardly, "I mean, right now? Can't I get a couple of beers in me first?"
"Carol and I won't go to your lengths, Waller, but a simple kiss and a warm embrace should be enough, shouldn't it?" Diana suggested.
"Fine, but we'll leave it up to our friend here to decide what he wants," Waller said as she looked straight at me.
"Heheheh, yeah, getting a kiss from these two, or having me suck you off; real hard choice there!" Harley said as she licked her lips in anticipation.
Now, if I were any normal guy, I would be jumping for joy at the thought of this situation; thirty plus years of nothing, now I wake up to a universe of only women. Such a thing would be a dream come true for most guys.
Now before you ask, no, I am not gay, well I'm pretty sure I'm not. After many failed attempts at getting a girlfriend or at least losing my V Card, I just kinda gave up and decided to live a more or less celibate life, in some sense. This, plus my personal belief that people weren't worth the effort had effectively turned me off at ever finding a romantic or sexual partner, so I wasn't exactly thrilled with this idea.
"Are you okay?" I flinched as I realised that everyone was looking at me rather expectantly. I slowly shook my head.
"No," was all I said as I set the Infinity Dial on the bedside table. "I don't know why I'm here in this universe, but I am not the guy you need for this," I stated.
"What? Why?" Carol asked.
"I'm not… interested," I said awkwardly.
"Oh! You're gay!" Diana said in understanding.
"No!" I said a little too quickly. "I'm just not interested!" I declared.
"Oh…" I almost felt bad as I heard a tinge of disappointment in Carol and Diana's voices. "It's okay. We can work out another way to activate the Infinity Dial," Wonder Woman said optimistically.
"We can, at Cadmus," Waller said. "I'm a little disappointed that our friend is seemingly asexual, but my scientists can find other ways to activate the Dial. I will be taking our friend with me, of course, for his own safety if anything," she added.
"You are not taking him anywhere!" Carol growled threateningly.
"My people have the resources needed for this. Leave it to my team and we'll have everything back to normal by the end of the week," Waller said coldly.
"Don't I have a say in this?" I asked in a small voice which made every start and look at me.
"Of course, you do," Wonder Woman said to me kindly. "We wouldn't dare speak of you as though you weren't in the room or had no say in the matter," she added comfortingly.
"But you did," I pointed out which had the Amazon's face flushing with embarrassment.
"And I apologize for that," she said sincerely. "Who do you wish to go or stay with?" she asked me.
"Diana!" Carol hissed at her.
"Our friend here was brought to this world without his consent and has been thrust into a situation that many would struggle with," Diana reminded her. "He has the right to make his own choices in this. We can give him that much," she said before she looked at me and asked, "What is your decision?"
I weighed my options; honestly, I would've been perfectly happy to be somewhere far away from all of this and let someone else handle it. Heroes like the Justice League and the Avengers had good people and fought for truth, justice and all the things that make one's stomach ache with patriotism. But, a lot of times, the Justice League and the Avengers would fall prey to human behaviours and mindsets where opinions, both political and personal, clashed, the Marvel Civil War came to mind when I thought of it.
Whereas Amanda Waller and Cadmus weren't all that ideal; Waller was willing to do what was necessary and get her hands dirty should it come down to it. But that didn't make her a good person and I knew enough of her personal and professional history to know that she had a nightmare of a resumé, a heap of dirt under her fingernails and her ledger was soaked and gushing red all over the floor. Couple that with the idea that she might very well put a nano-explosive in my neck to make me comply with her orders, it didn't make an enticing package.
"What is your decision?" Waller asked me, looking impatient with my silence. "Do you want to sit up here twiddling your thumbs? Or do you want to get some real work done and have your life go back to normal?" she asked.
I was indecisive, but as I opened my mouth to reply, the Infinity Dial flew into my hand and activated. I was suddenly enveloped in bright light and suddenly I found myself in a dark and dingy alleyway, the smell of decaying refuse filling my nose. I tried not to gag at the putrid smell as I slowly stood to my feet, swaying unsteadily and nearly toppled over. But after a moment, I finally regained my balance and stood up as straight as I could.
"Where am I this time?" I asked myself as I looked at the Infinity Dial in the palm of my hand. The Infinity Stone set in one of the place holders glinted at me almost innocently. "Okay, so you brought me to this place. Have to wonder why," I muttered as I then realised, I was still in a hospital gown.
"Need a change of clothes," I muttered as I looked for a clothing store where I could find something more appropriate, not to mention warmer, to wear.
And sure enough, I found the back entrance to a building where I entered and found myself in a clothing store. A quick search and I found the men's section where I quickly discarded my gown for some underwear, socks, jeans, a pair of boots, a long sleeve shirt and a denim jacket. I then realised that I didn't have my glasses with me and I groaned in discomfort as I didn't want to walk around and not be able to read where I was going and end up somewhere else entirely.
I sighed to myself, wondering what my next move would be. "Okay, I have warm clothes, just need food and water and somewhere safe to sleep," I prioritised to myself. I looked around the store. "place should have what I need," I mused as I began to search the store.
…
Back on the Watchtower, everyone watched as what could've been their last hope disappear in a flash of light.
"Damn! Where did he go?!" Carol demanded.
Waller was already on her phone speaking rapidly into it before she hung up. "No worries. We'll track him down and bring him to a safer facility," she said calmly.
"What happened that made him disappear like that?" Carol then asked.
Diana thought about it for a moment before she looked at Amanda in annoyance. "You obviously caused him distress which made the Infinity Dial activate and take him somewhere far from here," she accused.
"If emotional distress is what activates the Dial, then we'll need to be cautious," Carol said putting a hand to her chin and she looked at Waller and Harley adding, "And I don't think you should be the one to look for the guy. You obviously caused him to teleport outta here like that!"
"I needed an answer. We don't have time to waste," Waller said unapologetically.
"Leave this to us, Waller. You'll only cause him more undue emotional distress and who knows what will happen if he feels cornered," Diana replied.
"Fine," Waller conceded tersely. "But I'll want an update as soon as you do find him, wherever he is, the sooner we can fix this the better," she said as she turned around and left the room with Harley following her.
"Any idea where we're going to find our errant friend?" Carol asked Diana who put a hand to her chin and mulled it over.
"The Infinity Dial must give off a unique energy signature. We could use that to track our friend down," the Amazon said thoughtfully. "But we could also use a telepath to track our friend down," she added.
"I've got the perfect people for just those two things," Carol said with a sly grin before she put a finger to her communicator and spoke into it.
…
TO BE CONTINUED…
A/N: There! First chapter of this is done and dusted. I hope you all enjoyed it. Now in the past I've done about two or three Marvel/DC crossovers all of which I took down because I felt that they weren't good enough, despite those of you who loved them, but there were some people who criticized them and brought up some valid points about the protagonist, or rather the choice of protagonists I used.
I can't promise anything, but I hope this makes up for it, so let me know what you think of this. Is it better, worse or about average? Let me know in the reviews what you think of this and hopefully we'll get to see more.
My next story update, not sure which one as I don't really schedule which stories I should update, but a fair few of you are clamouring for Justice League of Amazons: Halo to be updated and some of you have even asked if the story is dead or even asked to take over. Let me clear this up right now: JLoA: Halo is not dead and I am not interested in letting someone take over, furthermore the number of people who message me about the story asking me the same questions over and over doesn't encourage me to update it. If anything, it discourages me from continuing it which I'm sure none of you want.
So, to those of you who consistently message me about JLoA: Halo, (you know who you are) asking me the same questions some that I've answered over and over, the next time you do get the urge to message me and ask a question, take a step back and ask yourself if you have asked this question before. If you have already asked it, then don't repeat the question. It's that simple.
Okay, enough of the soap box, moving along. In other news, for my Elder Scrolls/Kingdom Hearts/Fallout crossover, I've set up a voting poll of which worlds Sora and his friends can travel to next that haven't featured in the canon of Kingdom Hearts and I've got a list of eighteen options, a number of which aren't related to Disney such as Shrek, The Witcher, The Simpsons, The Wizard of Oz, etc. A couple of options are Disney related such as Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the live action 90's Disney film The Three Musketeers (starring Kiefer Sutherland, Charlie Sheen, Tim Curry, etc.), Kim Possible, Emperor's New Groove, etc., so feel free to cast your vote if you wish and hopefully once I finish the Narnia arc of the story, I can see which worlds the group can travel to next for some OC content.
And that's about all I have right now, so I'll leave this here and see you all in the next one.
Be kind to one another,
Angry lil' elf.