Beth's songs to Judith threatened to demolish every wall Michonne had built since the beginnings of this new world. They haunted her. The songs sang, not ones typically sung to a baby, they reminded her of the world long dead. A world in which you could dance around the kitchen, singing softly with a child in your hands. A child that was perfect, that was young, that let out little noises of enjoyment, whether they were giggles or just little soft murmurs.
Michonne squinted her eyes shut, attempting to transport away from these memories that refused to back down from chasing her. She felt a chill run right through her, she shuddered ever so slightly, she ignored the tears that escaped just as Beth was doing as she paced back and forth and as she had done earlier.
She needed it to stop, she didn't know how but she needed it to cease, Michonne asked tiredly voice breaking as she did, "No lullabies?"
Beth paused, in front of Michonne's cell, swaying the baby gently, "I sing the songs I like, figure it better than ashes and cradles falling off trees," In talking the baby, let out a few uncomfortable grunts, before she threw up her carrots onto Beth, "Oh no! Can you hold her?"
"No!" Michonne said, probably the loudest she had in a while but she couldn't fathom holding a child, "Please, I can't." She added somberly, looking Beth into the eyes as she did, praying that the teen would have some mercy towards her.
Beth looked at Michonne and Judith, before she saw Michonne's eyes shift, from fear to resignation as she held her arms out for the baby. She left soon after securing Judith in Michonne's arms.
As soon as Judith found herself in Michonne's eyes, she whimpered sensing the discomfort, or perhaps even her own from the way she was being hold, as though she were something that needed to be kept at arm's distance.
Michonne's mind went blank for a second, before everything came back to her, before tears, yet again, began to pour from her eyes. She adjusted Judith, to make the experience more comfortable for the two of them, holding her cheek to cheek, whilst supporting the neck and back. Her resolve broke and the memories, her memories, came full force: holding Andre as she did with Judith now, feeding him his favorite snacks alongside Mike, moving into their first house together, gifting him his favorite toy, a teddy, 'Buttons', the excruciating pain of giving birth to him and when she first found out about the life that had been gifted to her, after weeks of being sick, tired and what she thought to be bloated.
Her eyes widened, as flashes of her recent life began to join her past, her recent illness throughout the woods, the bloating she had undergone despite her lack of food, and then the times she spent here with Rick and Carl, romantic nights with the former and something that could be considered 'family nights' with the both of them. A spike of fear overcame her, how would either of them react, how she would react if her new hunch was proven to be correct, she needed to confirm it.
Through her internal musings Beth had returned only to leave again, not wanting to interrupt the private moment between the woman and baby. Instead going through her day without Judith, something she hadn't done in a long time.
Rick rushed out to the departing group, he spotted Michonne joining them, "You goin' out already?"
She smiled ever so slightly, nodding as she did so, but she remained silent.
"Alright," Southern twang present, as he too smiled, "Be safe, I feel like we only just got you back."
"And I will be back again," Michonne replied, turning away before halting.
"You sure everythang is alright," Rick questioned, taking a hesitant step forward, "You can talk to me."
Michonne turned round again, surprised to see him so close, "Yes, I think. Though if I'm alright this may be one of my last runs for a while."
"Huh," Rick said, mind blank, "You found the governor?"
He saw Michonne shake her head, a hesitant smile on her face, "That's all you're getting from me deputy."
He shook his head, "You sure?" He stared her down with a smirk decorating his face.
"Michonne!" His son shouted, barreling towards the two, "You're leaving already?"
Before Michonne had a chance to reply, Rick cut in sternly, "I thought I told you to stay away?"
Carl looked at Rick with disgust, "What, you're allowed to say goodbye and I'm not?"
"Now, Carl, that's not what I-"
"No! You want to risk Michonne getting sick and not me?" Carl cut in derisively.
Rick grunted, "We're outside, and I've not displayed symptoms yet."
Carl's look of disgust melted into a smug smile, "So since we're outside and you have no symptoms as of yet I can be out here to say goodbye too? Awesome, thanks Dad!"
"Now Carl, just wait a minute," Rick started, in an attempt to regain control over his son.
He was ignored, "You're going? Again? It feels like you only just got back."
Michonne reached for Carl's shoulder gently, "I'll be back before you know it, I just need to help out, and after I promise I will stay for a while."
Carl looked down, "You said that last time, though."
Rick noticed Michonne ever so slightly at that, "Yeah, well, I swear on my beautiful cat stature that I will."
Carl and Rick simultaneously rolled their eyes, both spoke up as if they'd had this argument multiple times before, "You mean the ugly one?"
"Hey! I will go back on my promise with no regrets," Michonne snapped, causing a chuckle to overcome them all, "I'll see you soon I promise."
Rick stopped her from walking further, and pulled her into a hug, he whispered into her hair, "Come back soon, because I have a few things I would love to do to you again."
He felt her shudder rather than heard it, just as he felt the smile that overcame her face, "Be back before you know it, Deputy."
She opened out the hug but before he could think about pulling her back in, she reached for Carl hesitantly but also confidently, Rick felt a sense of unfamiliarity. Even in the world he'd come to known as the old world, he'd never particularly felt comfortable with a three person hug. He'd loved Lori, and always would, afterall she'd provided him with his life's purpose, their children, but even in that world there'd been a barrier between them, or even a great divide. That barrier became Carl, later, he was a buffer between the two of them, then he became a weapon for Lori to use against him. Their last conversation before haunted Rick even now, how could she ever have questioned his love for their son? It broke him that day. He wondered, maybe, if his head hadn't been tampered with, poisoned, if he wouldn't have got shot.
He unknowingly squeezed two of the people he'd cared about the most, terrified of letting them go even if for a bit.
"I'll be back before you know it, I promise," Michonne uttered again, feeling the desperation in his grasp, she knew that feeling, she felt it again, for the first few times in a while. The feeling made her want to sob, perhaps out of guilt for the fact she had to lose a family to even need to regain one.
Before either of the trio could say anything else, Daryl's voice cut in, "Michonne you coming or not?"
"Yes," She replied.
Rick nodded over to Daryl walking alongside Michonne, "Be safe out there, all of yall?"
"You wanna come?" Daryl asked.
His eyes widened in response, "I'm good, can't leave the farm unattended without Hershel to keep up with it."
Daryl grunted, clearly mulling over whether to say anything, he decided against it despite Rick's insisting eyebrow.
"Keep yourself and everyone safe," Rick said directly to Daryl before turning to the rest already in the car, "That goes for all of you, good luck."
Carl and Rick walked in time with each other to the gates, opening and closing them, as they soon watched the car of four drive off. Rick thought he felt the tension regrow between him and his son yet again, before Carl spoke up, "You think she means it?"
Rick pondered, "I believe her, as far as I'm aware she's never lied before so I doubt she'd start now."
He worried he'd said the wrong thing when he was met with Carl's silence, something that was rare with Carl recently, even with the development of Carl being pissed off or not with him, the ever changing status he'd come to get used to.
"Good," Carl said, quietly, before continuing, his low sound levels still carrying conviction as he said his next few words, "Because she's one of us, not just us," He clarified waving his arm around the prison, "But she's one of us, I think."
Rick stood in silence, as his son wandered off to their cell, contemplating over his son's words, no flashes of why Carl felt that came to mind instead the only thing that came to mind was how Rick felt. How he felt at home when he was with Carl, with Judith and now with Michonne. He ran to catch up with his son.
"You're right son, I think she is too."