Chapter 1: and then there were none
"Ten little soldier boys went out to dine; One choked his little self and then there were nine.
Nine little soldier boys sat up very late; One overslept himself and then there were eight.
Eight little soldier boys travelling in Devon; One said he'd stay there and then there were seven.
Seven little soldier boys chopping up sticks; One chopped himself in halves and then there were six.
Six little soldier boys playing with a hive; A bumblebee stung one and then there were five.
Five little soldier boys going in for law; One got in Chancery and then there were four.
Four little soldier boys going out to sea; A red herring swallowed one and then there were three.
Three little soldier boys walking in the Zoo; A big bear hugged one and then there were two.
Two little soldier boys sitting in the sun; One got frizzled up and then there was one.
One little soldier boy left all alone; He went and hanged himself and then there were none."
James Potter did not think out his plan.
When Peter Pettigrew took notice, Sirius Black was already sitting on the floor, covering his bleeding nose. For some reason, Lily Evans was adamantly pulling Remus Lupin by his arm with Severus Snape in the middle, ushering her to do otherwise. Mary McDonald had been pushed against Cassandra Snyde, and Marlene McKinnon was - note, ungraciously - pushing anyone that came near the first. This rather annoyed Alnus Carrow, who was not fond of the girls when they were sitting quietly (rare occasion) let alone occupying more space than required.
Back to James Potter and his realization of not thinking out his plan (which 2-minutes-Past-James would disagree, arguing that he had actually), it really hit him when he was grabbing Avery Mulciber by his torso against the pillar of the staircase. Curiously and perhaps coincidently, at the same time he was also hit with, would seemed, everything at hand. And seeing that Mulciber was always surrounded by a couple of a lot of Slytherin hands, it was a lot of everything at hands.
By the time Sirius had gotten up, running to his friend aid while looking for his wand, Professor Minerva McGonagall had arrived in shrilling thick Scottish accent.
"Mr. Black, you will stop this instant! Everyone- distance yourselves immediately."
There was a switch in the previous manic energy, as if turning on the lights in the middle of watching a film.
"What on Merlin's sandstorms is this?" Professor Horace Slughorn quickly followed, slightly out of breath, addressing his House students.
"Potter slammed Avery unprovoked, professor", Cassandra readily offered.
"I'm sorry, could you push your boobs down Snyde, they're clearly obstructing your vision." Marlene threw out, before Carrow started towards her, spitting:
"Jealous, McKinnon? Or maybe you're just jealous you can't touch them, which is it?"
Peter widened his eyes at this, following Black who was starting to stand between Marlene and the bull-moved teen. "Why would she? Carrot-head, when she was with your mother's last ni-"
"Mr.-Black-you-will-not-finish-that-sentence or I will personally ensure you suck any beverage you desire by a hand-given spoon 'till the day of your final swallow."
The warning echoed through the hall of the big school.
This made everyone freeze in place, looking at their 157cm tall professor.
She continued, "Every 6th year Gryffindor student will follow me to my office immediately, and no, before you protest Miss McDonald, without any food from the welcoming feast, as it is my rightful order for apparently dealing with rabies ratty rodents instead of young members of civilized society."
Even professor Slughorn was startled when she then turned to him, breathing in 'I believe you will do as you see fit to the students under your care Horace, in order to find the truth behind this circus.'
"Y-yes of course, Minerva. Children, follow me please to my office quickly" and then, to himself "quickly so we can hopefully still find chicken-pie when coming back."
In the corridor adjacent to McGonagall's office, lined seven 16-year-old Gryffindor students showing different reflections and moods, from resentment to discomfort to apparent apathy.
"Very well," the older woman started, "who will begin telling the truth, owning up to their faults and hopefully allowing us all to not spend the rest of the night interrupting our schools' portraits evening?" There was a collective grunt from the hanging pictures around.
At that, three of the four young man standing by the wall took a step further
"It's alright professor, I-"
"Me, professor."
"I can speak for-"
Everyone looked at the three boys while McGonagall pinched her nose and sighed to herself "Why are so many of Gryffindor traits easily transfigured into stupidity…"
As soon as the self-driven carriage from the Hogwarts express arrived to its destination, James jumped off of it and motioned to Sirius the cigarette he had in-between his fingers, walking away. Sirius probably would have wanted to join him if given the chance, and that's why James didn't give him one.
Truth is, James had needed an alone cigarette every night for that past summer, sneaking past his and Sirius bedrooms at his parents house to do so.
Particularly today however, and especially with the words of his father echoing through his head over and over again all through the train ride.
Just acknowledging a swift explanation of his departure was the best he could offer.
"I imagine Sirius to be upset by the possibility of encountering his mother at King's Cross, tomorrow?"
James looked up to his father, sitting across the room with his glasses at the end of his nose reading yet again, another biography of some potions genius.
"What?", shaking his head to wake up from his own thoughts.
"Sirius", Fleamont repeated, taking off his glasses as he didn't need them to see his son at a distance, "he seems distressed. Is the idea of seeing his mother tomorrow afflicting him?"
"Oh, hum" straightening his back that had been crouched at the piano stool where he had been numbly playing some keys, James looked through the big window finding his friend flying on his broom in his parents' garden. "Not sure," he cleared his throat. "I think it might be more about Moony finally having to be face-to-face with him for a good couple of hours." He looked back at his father. "You know how they've been all summer. I've given up trying to parent them."
A small pause.
"Hum."
James looked again at his father. "What?"
"Nothing" the man said, looking at his book again.
"Dad," Fleamont looked again "it doesn't work with mum, it doesn't work with me."
"First, it does work with your mother. She just doesn't know I enjoy her pestering me for answers." James smirked. "Second," he continued closing his book , "I must admit to be, say slightly disappointed to hearing you say that."
It triggered James to hear he disappointed his father. "Why? It's between Padfoot and Moony, I can't force them to be mates again. Believe me I've tried, they're terribly petulant brats, more even than the one you and mum raised" he signalled to his father who easily squinted his eyes at him and made him grin. "Besides, I've enough growing myself to do, don't want none to do in guiding those two" he finished.
His father reflected.
"You know how much of age I found you saving that classmate of yours and Remus, from a life of destitution" Fleamont shared.
"I know" because he did.
"Although, if your mother's in the room, I will forever say it was a prosperous decision to be made by a young reckless boy," he pointed with his glasses to his son making sure he understood. "But son," in a sober tone "what horrid other possibilities it might have come to."
A chill between them before he continued, "I have the pleasure to know my son enough to recognize that he sees what I if we are completely honest with ourselves, were there signs in all of you four lads' behaviour over the years towards others that we ignored?" A pause between the two. "I'm afraid the answer is yes. And then the child's play hurts at a serious concern and that's on all of us."
James swallowed.
"It is true that the responsibility of your friends actions are not on your shoulders. But that doesn't mean they are not on your conscious. And if I know my son as I believe I do, I'm sure some of his thoughts about, as you said, growing, are related to this very dilemma."
He waited for his son seeming to comply. He nodded in understanding before continuing.
"In life, we can be what is perfectly reasonable to be or," he got up from his chair with effort, and sighed "or we can be better."
James clenched his jaw looking his father in the eye. Fleamont walked to his son and put his hand on the side of his face, looking with love.
'Your unfortunate luck is to have a mother and father who always believe you to be better, than I think you believe yourself.'
James closed his eyes has Fleamont gently brushed a finger on his cheekbone. "Use that hazard to do good for those who have different hazards to navigate through. You have my full trust."
With a soft pat, the senior Potter turned to leave the room, wishing his only son a good night leaving with echoing footsteps on the old quality wood.
James inhaled his last drag before stepping into the smoked cigarette and closing his robes tighter. Hands on his pockets as he started walking back to the school, he kept struggling with the same images over and over again on his mind, all linked to the same realization: he had hurt people. Recurrently.
Particularly, a red hair whose memory of her crying one night in the Gryffindor common room, when she thought no one would come down, clung to his conscious. She hadn't notice him, but out of all the incidents of those last 5th grade months - the Snivellous encounter, the disastrous prank, the afterward fallout - that moment where she seemed so young and small, seeing her hurt and wanting to offer comfort but knowing he'd probably be the last - well, one to last - person she would want to see, gave him the desperate feeling of wishing to be someone else.
That feeling clung to him all summer. The wondering of what he could do differently, the frustration of wanting to prove himself capable, neatly hand-in-hand with the fear that he might not.
But he sure was going to try.
James was the one with the two loving parents, reasonable ability and a lack of lycanthropy that conditions others less keen to see it as a cool alter-ego. He'd bloody best be a better friend and not get the Marauders in more trouble than it's reasonable enough for personality purposes.
This is what was going through his mind when he was climbing the stairs heading to the Great Hall when he saw commotion ahead.
Sirius was on the floor while Mulciber and the usual pack stood close.
"Oh what a sight. The disowned Black heir in his rightfully place - my feet."
Fuck. James knew he couldn't act like he would last year, which would be to pull off his wand and start throwing hexes to all and any Slytherin that showed their face - and enjoy it. No, he was going to stop it from escalating. He was going to step in and step up.
That was James' plan as he wandlessly plunged towards Mulciber, pushing him away from his best friend, and against the nearest wall.
Apparently the opposite House did not see his decision as mature as he'd intended - Slytherins really were the dumbest of the lot - and started to aggressively attack him before McGonagall's voice drilled in their ears.
"So yes, I did bulldoze Mulciber a little but all in all, I consider it quite a success. I will accept my well-deserved points for our House and will make sure the boys get to bed without incident."
McGonagall was looking at him through her glasses, less inclined to see the positive turnout as James.
"Mr. Potter, in the future - and believe you me, I do wish there were less certainty in my belief that there will be future similar scenarios - whenever I ask for a description of any type of baboonery you have thrown yourself into, I do advise you to not volunteer to testify just for the sake of chivalry, if you are but only able to describe about 10 seconds of the whole scene. You've added no context of value."
James grimaced. "No context of value?, I've told you that Mulciber attacked Padfoot and I stepped in to break it off. Case closed."
"Have you seen said attack, Mr. Potter?"
"No, but-"
"Exactly. Now could you call Mr. Black in, on your way out? Please feel free to not wait by my door and head straight to bed."
"Professor"
McGonagall sighed and looked up again to a standing James in front of her desk. "Mr. Potter I cannot congratulate you for not hexing a student, the bar is not yet that low even for your standards-"
"No, it's not-" James interrupted, closing his eyes to think. "It's not that professor, I just- I wanted to ask you to go easy on Padfoot…", Minerva furrowed her brows and James cleared "Sirius. It- He hasn't had it easy this Summer. It's still - really hard, for him- I think."
McGonagall pressed her lips and looked down before continuing.
"I am well aware of Mr. Black's new - custody, in lack of a better word, situation. It is my understanding your parents have taken him under their care these past few months?" James nodded in a stoned expression. "Yes well, it does move me that Mr. Black can find support in you and your family" a small lump in her throat proved the extend of her empathy.
James nodded and sat at the chair he was previously holding on to.
"Good. Then you know that whatever happened between him and Mulciber was not entirely aimed at the Slytherins themselves - but a certain grief from a lad that has been deserted by his own mother" he talked lower, looking at his hands.
"Mr. Potter, I believe we have met long enough for you to understand that my position is always curt but fair. Please do not try to meditate my methods" she looked stern but he looked up at her with real vulnerability, and a certain pleading.
She stared a second longer and sighed. "And if you must know, the student who brought my attention to the disagreement did not mention any altercation with Mr. Mulciber,"
James was confused.
"The exact recall was that Mr. Black had been gravely assaulted… by Mr. Lupin."
Lily was quiet.
However, the thing about Lily was that, and after so many comments throughout her life she was bound to believe it, her eyes tended to have their own language. She was intent in keeping her head down, stopping herself from looking around in case she'd cross view with someone she really did not want to. She had been able to dodge him more or less on the train, except for the Prefects meeting where she still avoided his gaze. Her jaw was fixed walking behind Marlene and Mary, when she heard Avery Mulciber snickering.
"Apparently this year there's a whole new badge of Mudbloods like never seen before."
That word was like a spider crawling over Lily's neck. Before she could react, he continued.
"This school will let any filth enter as long as that old man is running it. He's such a coward, so scared of offending that one day a pure-blood will be killed because he wanted to teach some savage beast like-like a werewolf."
He spat this last word and Lily caught her breath, involuntarily looking to find Remus, hoping he wasn't near.
"I for once hope that happens sooner than later," Sirius voice came forward out of the blue, "I have a couple of little weasels in mind that could use extermination."
"Padfoot, drop it." Lily finally saw Remus appearing.
Mulciber turned around to look at Sirius head on.
"I see that there was not one thing that your parents succeeded in when it comes to your education, Black - not even eavesdropping did they teach you not to do."
Sirius snorted, "Opposite to you I see, that blindly follows every disgusting belief your family feeds you."
"Oh but this is a new one," Mulciber's eyes glowed "you mean to tell me that not only you favour the heinous ones that walk these halls," and Lily felt like he had pointed at her, "you also think monsters should sit down in our classes and what, eat humans at Christmas feast while we eat soup?" the gang around him laughed. "C'mon Black, not even you can be that daff."
Remus got closer and Lily noticed his jaw tense harder.
"If it's you that he slashes open and devours your guts," Sirius had a murderous look, speaking slowly at a hands length of Mulciber's face, "I would open the door of this school for them, myself."
From there, everything followed very quickly. Remus grimaced with such anger, making Sirius turn, pulling him by his shoulder and punching him straight on his nose. Lily gasped and pushed Mary away to reach Remus and pull him away.
"Remus" she called, grabbing his arm and making him look at her instead of a stunt Sirius Black on the floor, "not here." She hushed gravely which had an awakening effect on him.
"Oh what a sight. The disowned Black heir in his rightfully place - my feet."
Lily was about to spat at Mulciber when Severus Snape put himself between her and Remus in an authoritative manner.
"Lily what do you think you're doing? Stay away from this."
"You stay away, Severus" she pushed him and when she looked again, James Potter had launched himself at a bunch of Slytherins.
She was looking at Remus now, sitting on the floor with his head hanging on his arms. She noticed Sirius took turns as well, from the opposite line where he stood with Peter.
"I'm so hungry, I hope Dorcas brings us some food to the dorm" Mary cried out. Marlene was tying her hair up "Merlin, me too. If not, Black everyone knows about you boys sack of stolen goods, don't think I won't storm your dorm"
Sirius turned to her "Relax McKinnon, as soon as Prongs gets out I'll explain everything and you lot can go stuff your faces."
"That would be lovely, thank you Sirius" Mary brimmed.
Lily crossed eyes with Sirius and he looked down. She sighed and went to sit down next to Remus who had not moved.
"Hi" she said unsure in her voice.
He turned his neck to look at her "Hey"
"Nice summer?"
He furrowed his brows and snorted, raising his head and leaning it on the wall.
She smiled "Yeah, me neither."
He sighed. "How are you?"
"Happy to be back, I guess" she shrugged.
"I can see why, everything is so peaceful here" he nodded, full of sarcasm.
She nudged him "You don't have siblings, you'd know what I mean"
Lily noticed him looking beyond her and she checked to see that Sirius was staring.
"Yeah, I can imagine they can be an absolute nightmare" she looked at him again and he started massaging his knuckles. "Thanks, by the way, for stopping me back there. I doubt I had any violence left in me but I guess I could have said something dumb."
"Of course. You know, I-…" but she stopped herself, biting her lip.
"What?"
"I was going to say something dumb."
He was the one nudging her now. "Let's hear it."
She blushed slightly "No really, I was going to say the dumbest possible thing people tend to say about how-how they know how you feel when really they have no idea and at this case in particular I mean it's specially dumb because I really don't know how you must feel, no one does…" she glanced at him. "B-but I kind of know what it is like to be betrayed by a friend."
He pressed his lips and she continued.
"It's a very particular type of pain isn't it?" her voice soft "You're almost embarrassed of showing how much it hurts because that means you had to trust someone who- well, who is capable of something like that."
He nodded almost undetected.
"So it's better to be angry" she continued, "angry is safer. I mean the whole reason they got to hurt you was because you were vulnerable once, right?" she looked at him and he looked in pain.
In that moment, James opened the door and looked straight at them. He cleared his throat and turned to Sirius. "Padfoot hum- you're next."
Sirius passed through him, patting his arm before entering. James wanted to talk to Remus but seeing him with Lily, he took one last look before heading instead to Peter to get the whole story.
Lily turned to Remus again and his jaw was tense.
"However," and he looked at her "I still think I don't know how you feel because you see, I think they're very different stories" big green eyes open wide, "it took me awhile but I see now that- Severus" she swallowed a lump from saying his name "well, he had stopped being my friend for a long time before that. It wasn't him that betrayed me, it was this fantasy version I had of him and couldn't let go."
She bit the inside of her cheek. "The closest I can think of, from what I can imagine you must feel, is my betrayal to all of you, by… by defending a-a bigot all these years."
This took Remus by surprise "Lily, wha-"
She smiled, quickly cleaning a tear that had escaped. "It's fine, sorry, I just-" she breathed out. "I don't want to make this about me, I really don't, I just think that… we can all be blinded by our own traits. I was so stuck in my ways of being good and kind and whatever it is I wanted to be defined by, that it actually backfired and I didn't realize that I was being friends with a hurtful person to many I care about. I owe you an apology, Remus, for being a bad friend."
"No you don't, Lily you-" he looked at her, stopped talking and just hugged her. "It's okay, you don't need to apologize. It's not your fault."
They hugged for a few seconds until Remus noticed James was looking, before he pretended not to. Remus sighed and let go of Lily. "People suck" he said and she laughed.
"They really do" she put her hair back her ears a bit embarrassed. "Whatever you decide to do, I'm here to talk if you ever need to" she finished with a smile.
"Thanks Lils. You too."
She nodded.
"I should…" he pointed to James and Peter.
"Oh yes of course, go ahead."
They both got up and James started walking his way to the two.
"So," James started with his hands in his pockets, "Wormtail just told me what happened."
"He did huh?" Remus said.
"And I don't know what to say except that… that's-awesome." Remus snorted. "I've been telling you whole summer you should just punch Padfoot, didn't I tell you?"
"Yes you did, Prongs."
"Yes I did!"
Lily rolled her eyes and started backing away. Of course James Potter would joke even about his supposed friends' pain. Guess some things don't change.
"Maybe you'll finally join Quidditch then mate, huh? Whadya think?"
Remus was passing by him, pretending to ignore his friend but with a smile on his face. "Sure mate, when Nifflers fly."
"C'mon, a little bit of this… little bit of that", James said throwing air punches.
Sirius appeared at the door and everyone looked at him.
"You can all go, Minerva said-"
"Mr. Black"
He grinned. "Apologies, professor McGonagall said we can go and probably still get mid-feast."
"Oh brilliant!" Mary jumped off, brimming around.
"Except you Moony-" and the two boys locked eyes "Hum, she-she still wants to see you."
Remus nodded and went to McGonagall's office, passing by Sirius.
"Right" Sirius sighed and looked at James "Let's go then?"
"Yeah, just a-" Lily was passing by his side and he stopped her, walking in front of her "Evans, can I have a word?"
She was surprised and looked at the girls. "It's OK Lily, we'll save you some food." Mary said nicely.
"Thank you, I-I won't be long."
James got the cue.
He saw the four of them leaving and then turned to Lily who seemed annoyed already for making her wait to go eat.
He had to remind himself that it was fair game and tried playing nice.
"I wanted to apologize-again, for how things turned out last year. I know I'm also to blame for the whole thing and I'm sorry, really."
She started leaving. "You've said that already Potter, I don't want your apology."
"Yeah I know and I'm sorry," he blocked her again and she breathed in annoyed "Sorry. Again. But I-I want things to be different this year."
She looked confused and tired. "What do you want from me, Potter?"
"I just want to be friends."
Lily shook her head, with a cold smile on her face. "No you don't."
"You could have been my friend when we were kids but you chose to make fun of me every chance you got. You could have been my friend by not tormenting someone I cared about but you didn't."
"I know, and I want to make that up to you" he said.
"It has nothing to do with me, you don't know me." She was upset. "It is about you and it is always about you. What you need and what you want."
James breathed in, taking a step back and Lily thought that he might actually be hurt. It briefly made her cover crack, old Lily's way of giving the benefit of the doubt. But she quickly hardened again.
"Look, I know you don't think I can-"
"Don't" she interrupted, putting her hand up. "Don't try brushing it off - you don't know me. You haven't known me for the last 5 years and you sure as hell don't know me today. So stop acting like you do, stop pretending and please, stop trying."
Remus opened the door in that moment and was surprised to still see them there.
"You've done enough" she said moving past him before he could say anything else.