A\N: I need a sad and non happily ever after JIBBS story. Be warned: you might want to get the tissues ready for this one, it's really sad. As the title says, this is the last thing she'd ever have before her death and she'd rather have it with Jethro because let's be honest, we all know that they still loved each other to the very end. Hope you enjoy, Angels.
Once she found she had an incurable, unknown illness, she knew it was only a matter of time before she would be dead, leaving behind an empty townhouse, a grieving team who had become like her family in the mere three years she had been Director, a goth labrat who called her 'Mommy' and a grandfatherly grandfather who gave her a few stern lectures when he found out she'd not told a certain blue eyed agent about her illness and how she feels, people on The Hill, her boss, the other letters of the alphabets and the politicians she had interacted with in the years she'd been on the other side of the agency would all grieve for her for a little while before forgetting that she existed before getting back on with their lives, the new Director of NCIS would be appointed only hours, maybe days, after her death, and an ex-boss and ex-lover who would no doubt drink himself into a stupor after her death, unable to forget her (or at least she hopes he'll be unable to forget about her after everything they've been through, after everything they've seen), her funeral will be big seeing as she's the head of a Armed Federal Agency, with everyone in her life in attendance, a few she actually wants there, after her funeral, everything will go back to normal: the new Director will take over, bark out orders, go to meetings, organise undercover ops, the team and the rest of the agency will go back to how it always has been, everything will go back to normal except for 1 thing:
Her.
She won't be there, at NCIS, in her office that overlooks DC, she won't be there working in the office working, when Jethro comes in with takeout, she won't be there to eat with him and offer advice about his cases, she won't be there to laugh with him or reminisce about their shared past or their undercover operations they had. She won't there in her townhouse, taking a bubble bath and reading a book in her bed with a glass of bourbon or wine, she won't be there when her front door gets pounded on by a fist, she won't be there opening the door with a smile directed at Jethro who is smiling back at her as he enters the house. She won't be there in his house, walking down the basement steps, watching as he works on his whatever number boat it is. She won't be anywhere that she wants to be.
Because she'll be in a coffin, decomposing into a skeleton until she rots into bones, unrecognizable to anyone, rotting six feet underneath the DC cemetery, alone for all eternity, she'll be alone forever, just like she has always been destined to be. She had a chance at love eight years ago but with a 'yes', a letter in a coat pocket she left on the seat of a plane, a ruse of going to get a chocolate bar before take off and a final kiss to his lips, she threw it away and cut off contact with him for six years when she was revealed to be the new Director of NCIS in MTAC. She had another chance at love with the same man three years ago, the day she was announced as the new Director of NCIS but she had shaken her head and told him 'no' for a second time, breaking both their hearts all over again. She could see the pain his eyes had shown when she said 'no' and wanted to tell him 'yes' before throwing her arms around him and kissing him but she knew she couldn't, at least not even an hour into new role.
Saying yes to a job she was nowhere ready for and leaving the love of life was the worst mistake of her life.
Walking out of her office, for however long it's hers for, slowly, she leans against the railing and looks down at the bullpen where her favorite team is working on a case. Her once sparkling green eyes, now dull with black circles underneath them, zero in on a grey haired agent who holds his ever present cup of coffee. Almost as if he can sense her looking at him, Jethro's blue eyes meet her own and he gives her a brief smile.
After she's dead, this is one of the things she'll miss the most: him looking up at her with a smile when he knows she's looking at him from the catwalk. He'd always had a sixth sense when it had come to here, which was why he could've sensed when she was looking at him when he was working. Jethro frowned when he noticed how dull her eyes had become. She beckoned her up to her side with her finger and cracked a smile when he walked up the catwalk steps to stand beside her, his coffee cup still in hand.
"Jen, are you sick?" He asked her for the second time in two weeks. She had lied to him once before and it had made her feel awful. she didn't want to tell him that was sick, that was dying a little each day until she would no longer be here. She didn't want him to watch her slowly waste away into nothing before his very eyes. She didn't want him to see her in pain and think about the time she was in pain whilst dying, she wanted him to remember the happy times they had.
Jenny's eyes welled up with tears, not for the first time since hearing of her illness, and sighed, turning to face her former lover and partners. "I'm fine, Jethro, as I said, my health is none of your business." She tells him. She wished she hadn't kept him in the dark. Keeping him in the dark about the undercover operation involving Tony and Jeanne Benoit was an entirely different thing, she wasn't sick then, but she had kept him in the dark about her declining health because she didn't want him to see her as weak, she had sworn Ducky to secrecy about it when he wanted to tell Jethro about it after he saw how pale she had become when receiving the news that there was no cure and that she was slowly dying and as her doctor, he had to obey the doctor/patient confidentiality rules, regardless who the patient was. It would have been nice to have someone to hold her hand and hold back her hair when she was throwing up, to have arms catch her when she stumbled because her mobility was declining faster and faster each day, to have someone wipe away the tears from her face when she started to sob over her death. She always thought her death would be from a bullet, quick and painless, not an incurable, painful death but fate had dealt her a pack of shitty cards.
She turned to look at her former lover and her eyes had gone straight to his lips. The lips that had kissed her softly, roughly, barely there kisses, had kissed every inch of her body multiple times a night. She missed being kissed by him in the years she had left him, she had dreams and memories of being kissed by those lips when no one was looking. She would've given anything to be kissed by him one last time before she was dead. She sighed and looked up from his lips and into his eyes, not knowing how many more times she'd get to look into them. His icy blue eyes could see every secret she had hidden from him, except one, "Jen, I know something is wrong with you." Jethro said, somewhat angrily. Sighing again and moving away from the railing that had been supporting her, the redheaded woman led the silver haired agent back into her office and shut the door.
She didn't want to have this conversation where everyone could see and hear it.
Jenny had walked stumbled really, over to her couch and curled up into it, Jethro had joined her a few seconds later and sat beside her, worry covered every inch of his face.
"Jen, please tell me what is going on with you and don't say it's nothing because there's something wrong with you, I can see it." Jethro had always known her and how to get her to talk. Jenny closed her eyes.
"I..I need to tell you something." She finally said to him as she opened her eyes, her green eyes were locked on his blue eyes, which were looking straight at her, ready to listen to her and catch her when she fell like he always had.
She needed to tell him before she was dead and it was too late.
A\N: I hope you Angels enjoyed this first chapter. I wasn't planning on this story having more than one chapter but my writers brain has taken over, I hope you enjoy, Angels.