I'll keep it short because I'm tired and want to go to bed. My internship is over! So hopefully I'll find a little more time to work on this story and maybe I can pick up the pace and update twice a week. We'll see about that. At the moment my kids are sick and they'll probably be for most of the time until March. But I keep on hoping I'll have at least a little more time in the next few weeks.
In advance: I'm sorry for everything concerning cases in this and all umcoming chapters. I tried to think of something funny and this is the best I could come up with.
Disclaimer: Nothing of Castle belongs to me and it'll probably stay that way forever.
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Kate woke up to a throbbing pain in her forehead. She blinked against the light that was falling through the curtains and numbly realized she wasn't at home but at Castle's place. And like a wave, the memories of the previous day came crashing down on her. She was lucky she was still lying in bed otherwise, the emotions that came with these memories might have knocked her off her feet. The panic she had felt when she left her doctor's office the day before started to build up in her chest again. She tried to calm herself by deeply breathing through the feeling of an iron hand wrapping itself around her lungs. That worked better than she'd have thought.
Keeping her eyes closed and concentrating on her breathing, her heartbeat slowly normalized and she repeated what Castle had said to her over and over in her mind. It'll be fine. Everything will be alright. You're not alone in this. "It'll be fine." She whispered to herself as if hearing these words again would make her believe them more. Unfortunately, that didn't work as well as the slow breathing. But she wanted to believe he was right, so she would keep on fighting the fear that was still boiling in the pit of her stomach. Still, it would take her more time to process the fact that her life was going to change completely.
Castle was still soundly asleep beside her. She sat up and the pounding in her head grew even stronger. She squinted her eyes and figured what happened yesterday might have been a little too much for her brain to process and this was the consequence. Opening her eyes again her gaze fell on the alarm clock next to Castle's side of the bed and with shock, she realized it was past 8 a.m. Ignoring the roaring protest in her head and the soreness of her muscles she jumped out of bed and hurried into the bathroom.
"Kate?" She didn't hear the dumb mumble behind her. Woken by her sudden movement, Castle looked around the room, his eyes still heavy with sleep, wondering what was going on. Rubbing his hands over his face he remembered the previous evening and was suddenly wide awake. He pushed away the covers and stood up, following her into the bathroom. "Are you all right?" He asked with slight concern in his voice. A part of him feared she would just back out and run again. She was hastily putting on some of the clothes she had forgotten here a few days before. "I'm late!" She said in a frustrated tone while buttoning her jeans. She was thankful for the distraction she felt as she hurried to get dressed. And he was relieved she wasn't having another panic attack that would cause her to shut him out.
She looked at the wrinkled dark blue blouse that was her only option and knew she would be getting some looks arriving at work wearing it. "I have no time to go back to my place. Now I'll have to go to work looking like I'm coming from a one-night stand!" She slid on the blouse, and he had to grin though it somehow felt strange. Yesterday it felt like the world had turned upside down and they had experienced quite a rollercoaster of emotions. It felt weird that the normality of something like going to work still existed after it felt like their lives had shifted in a completely different direction. He figured it was probably the aftermath of the emotional exhaustion that caused him to feel like this.
"Well, you're not. But I can see what you mean." She turned to the mirror and tried to tie her hair up into a bun that didn't look too messy. "Very funny." She dryly replied and he smiled. God, it felt good to retrieve some of the lightness they had lost so suddenly. He walked into the room and came to a stand a few steps behind her. Facing her in the mirror he still couldn't ignore the thought that crossed his mind. Weighing up his words he considered to not say anything at all. He was happy she was here, that they'd come clean after the chaotic events of the previous day. But thinking she could still change her mind when she felt like it was becoming too much again scared him. Yet there was no point in treating her like a doe that could be scared away.
"Do you think it's a good idea for you to go to work?" She gave him a confused look while holding a bobby pin she had found on the edge of the bathroom sink between her lips. Her mind was already halfway down the way to the precinct and she didn't get what he meant. He hesitated for a second, trying to find the right words. "It's just… I mean, it's been a rough day yesterday and maybe you should take things a little easier now that…" The glare she gave him through her reflection in the mirror as she understood where he was going let him fall silent. Why did he even try, he should've expected this. "Oh, forget it. I didn't say anything."
She finished the work on her hair since she had done the best she could do. Turning around to him she struggled to give him a smile and walked up to him. The distraction she had been thankful for was gone and the weight of the situation settled back down on her shoulders. But she knew she would have to face these kinds of talks and do better than she'd done yesterday. And it didn't matter that she was late or scared, she needed to take the time for this. Taking one of his hands in hers she searched for his eyes. "I know there are a lot of things we'll have to think and talk about. But I'm still on this probation period and I don't want to mess up this chance by acting rashly." She softly said.
He felt the tension in his shoulders ease at her words. Compared to yesterday she seemed so much calmer and less frightened. It felt good to see her being able to face the reality a little bit easier now. And she was right, they needed to think things through before they decided on how to deal with all the aspects this pregnancy influenced. He realized he would need to learn to suppress his desire to wrap her up in bubble wrap for the next nine months. So he was fine with the fact that she was delaying their talk, as long as she admitted they would speak about everything. He nodded and returned the squeezing of her hand.
Secretly Kate was grateful for the fact she had to leave for work. That would give her a little more time until they would talk about all of these frightening changes ahead of them. Walking off into the kitchen she changed the course of their conversation by saying "And some coffee and an aspirin will surely help me with that headache and get me through the day." He followed her while she was already slipping on the running shoes she had put on yesterday because they had been the closest at hand. Again, he had to smile at her looks. "I think it's time you start to leave some things around here."
She nodded and again forced a smile to her lips. Not even twenty-four hours ago that comment alone would have been enough to keep her mind busy for the day wondering whether they might be taking things a little too fast. But she didn't allow her mind to wander down that track any further now.
"You coming after me soon?" She interrupted her own thoughts. "Sure." He walked towards her and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "Take care, okay?" He knew they had quietly agreed to let the topic rest for now but he couldn't stop himself from saying that. "Castle, I've been in this job for years now. I know how to look after myself." She said in a slightly unnerved tone. Raising his eyebrows at her he gave her a doubtful look. "Well, you're perfectly able to bring yourself into dangerous situations too, I've witnessed that countless times." He hesitated for a second. He had to say it. "And now it's not only about you anymore."
Kate fell silent and felt the pressure of the new responsibility that had come into her life so unexpectedly weighing down on her heavily. It seemed like there was no way to distract herself enough to completely blend that out. But at this point, she didn't feel ready to carry that responsibility at all. But she reminded herself there was no other choice. She had made her decision. And even though she was scared and didn't want to think about it if she was being honest, she still believed her decision was right. Again she repeated his words in her head. "Everything will be fine." She just needed a little more time. Looking at him she gave him a weak smile, it was the best she could offer. "I'll be careful, I promise." He reached for her hand and pulled her into a hug. He hoped that by touching her he could maybe close the gap he still felt uncomfortably present between them.
"I know it's a lot." He mumbled into her hair. "And I would lie to you if I said this feeling will go away." He looked at her and gave her a crooked smile. "But I promise you, it'll get easier. And you'll get used to it." She returned his smile as well as she could. And even though his words somehow scared her even more she also felt her tension fade a little. If it wasn't for him and the fact that he had already been through this whole scenario once she would probably be hopelessly lost in her panic.
"I'll see you soon." She said, squeezing his hand once more and then pulling it apart. Reaching the door she turned around once more. "But Castle, please act normal, okay?" "Have you ever seen me not acting normal?" He answered teasingly. It was a try to ease up the situation a little but he realized it failed when she gave him a warning glare. "You know what I mean. No jokes about anything that could give anybody a hint about what's going on. And no overprotective walking after me." He had already planned to tell her she was being paranoid again but changed his mind, hearing how serious she was. "Fine. But walking after you is technically what I'm supposed to do. And I promise you, I'll behave. But you can't keep me from looking after you. Because I already did that for years and I for sure won't stop now."
She clenched her jaw. How was it that he could always find a way to be right? "Fine." She hissed. Once more looking at her watch she realized she should have been on her way fifteen minutes ago. "I'll go now, I see you later!" And with that, she hurried out of the door. When the doors of the elevator closed she let out a deep breath. She just started to understand what was lying ahead of them. Last night she had felt like the hardest part was done by deciding to keep this baby. She now realized that might have been naïve as she thought of the countless problems they would have to solve over the upcoming months. At the moment her biggest worry was how they should deal with the situation when it came to her job. The amount of secrets they were keeping from the team slowly became suffocating.
But for now, there wasn't any other way. She just hoped their secrecy wouldn't come crashing down on them once the time came to be honest with everyone, especially Captain Gates. And she knew this newest addition to the things they were hiding wouldn't be easy to conceal for long. Her eyes wandered to her reflection in the mirrored wall of the elevator. How long would it take until her body would begin to change? She had no idea. Weeks? Months? She hoped it would take a while. Not only because she hoped to keep this secret for as long as possible but also because she feared what it would be like. At the moment she didn't feel anything but she was sure that wasn't going to last.
When the elevator came to a stop she pushed these thoughts aside. It still felt strange even thinking about it. She decided she would handle it the same way as with their relationship and her job: Deal with it when there wasn't another choice anymore. And she successfully ignored the voice inside her head that was telling her it wouldn't work that way forever.
After driving to the precinct as fast as possible Kate walked into the bullpen and immediately got what she had expected. A surprised frown from Esposito as he noticed her sneakers and the unironed blouse. "I had a family emergency last night and didn't make it home this morning. Shut up." She shot at him as he opened his mouth to make a comment. Technically she wasn't even lying, she thought with a hint of sarcasm as Esposito's mouth closed again. Ryan had overheard what she had said and looked up. "Is everyone all right?" She nodded and gave him a soft smile, thankful for his sincere concern. "It'll be fine." She replied with the phrase that would probably become her mantra for the next… What? Eighteen years? Thinking of that let the panic flicker up again. She quickly needed to change the course of her thoughts.
"We've got a case?" Kate asked hoping to change the subject and get something else she could focus on. "Yes! Just came in ten minutes ago." Esposito reached behind him and grabbed a file from his desk to hand it to her. "Also some kind of family event." He stated. Kate opened the file and the first thing she saw was the picture of an old woman. Pointing towards the picture Esposito said, "That's Grandma Jefferson." Kate frowned at him for using that name but Esposito went on as if he didn't notice.
"Grandma Jefferson had eleven children, who went on to have thirty-one grandchildren and then they went on to have sixty-seven great-grandchildren. Now, Grandma Jefferson died last week at ninety-eight and they gathered at her old house after the funeral. And this morning Amanda Jefferson found her cousin Stanley dead at the bottom of the stairs with obvious injuries from a previous fight." Kate looked at the bottom of the page and saw the face of the victim, a nineteen-year-old young man.
"So someone pushed him down the stairs." Kate looked up at Esposito and Ryan in disbelief. The wheels in her head started turning to count together all of the descendants of Grandma Jefferson Esposito had just mentioned. "And you're telling me with the whole family gathered there, there are a hundred and nine suspects?" Esposito shook his head. "Oh no!" He replied. "One of them's the victim, that brings it down to hundred and eight. And when you leave out the ones that have already died, sit in a wheelchair and can't go upstairs, or are little children you only have seventy-eight suspects. But that doesn't include some of the spouses that were also there. But we don't know about those details yet."
He grinned at her and Kate's head started to throb even more. That was too much math after what her mind had been through last night. But well, at least she got plenty of distraction. "Ah, and I forgot, three of the grandchildren are in California, so we can cross them off the list. And I guess there will be a few more who weren't there at all but we'll have to work that out first." Kate let herself sink onto her chair. "So we will have to do seventy-five interrogations at least. Are they still at the house?" Ryan shook his head. "Only a few, most of them left last night. We will have most of them come here as soon as we can get a hold of them." Ryan pointed to the door. "There come the first ones." Kate turned her head and saw a man in his fifties with three young men, who were obviously his sons, entering the room.
"Well, then we better get started." She stated and Ryan and Esposito went off to lead the men into the interrogation rooms. "But first I need a coffee." She mumbled to herself. Just at that moment, a big coffee-to-go was placed in front of her. "Perfect timing, I guess." He whispered next to her and Kate couldn't help but smile a little. "Indeed." "And I brought you this too." He placed a little bag next to the coffee, and Kate was extremely grateful to see it was some aspirin. "I even asked Dr. Google and he said it's okay. I also considered getting you a decaf coffee but I like my head attached to my neck." She looked up at him and saw his grin, he seemed very proud of himself. Ignoring the tightness in her chest caused by the repeated confrontation with her new condition she smiled back at him.
He walked around her desk and took a seat on his chair. "Oh, don't get too comfortable." She said, taking a sip from her coffee to get the pill down. "We got a case." He sat up straight looking eager to get to work. "What is it?" "A family gathering with one of them dead at the end." She took the list of family members from the file and placed it in front of him. "And there are at least seventy-five interrogations to be done." She emphasized every single word and could see his eyes grow wide. "And the first ones are already here, so we should be going." She gulped down some more coffee and got up.
And so the day went on and the precinct started to fill with members of the Jefferson family who came into the interrogation rooms one after one. When the clock was almost hitting 6 p.m. and there were still over twenty people waiting for their turn they decided to have them come back the next day. As the last one of them walked out of the room Kate let herself sink into her chair squinting her eyes and pinching her nose. There wasn't enough aspirin to cure the headache this day in the interrogation room caused her.
"What the hell." Esposito muttered and let a pile of papers fall onto his desk. "So it isn't just me?" Kate asked, her eyes still closed. Castle sat on his chair beside her with a blank stare into the air. "Nope." He said, his voice dry. Ryan came out of the interrogation room, shaking his head. "Did anyone of you talk to at least one person who was able to understand a question on the first try and was also capable of answering in a coherent sentence?" All of them shook their head in unison.
"How can so many people be this equally stupid?" Castle asked. A short silence spread out among them before Ryan said. "Must be genetic. Grandma Jefferson didn't do society a favor." Kate had to smile and looking at Ryan's grin the smile turned into laughter. And within a few seconds, all of them were laughing and Kate noticed that even Esposito couldn't keep himself from laughing at Ryan's joke. It was good to see the two of them starting to come to terms with each other. And it felt even better to just full-heartedly laugh at something funny.
After a good minute, the laughter started to fade. "I'll call it quits, guys." Ryan said, a little chuckle still ringing in his voice. "Jenny's probably already waiting for me." He collected his belongings from his desk and headed towards the elevator. "Any plans on how to recover from this day?" Esposito asked as he started to pack his bag. Kate just shook her head. "I just want to go home and sleep." She could foresee Esposito's idea of going out for a few drinks. But the last thing she wanted to do now was to sit in a stuffy bar. Then she also remembered that drinks wouldn't be a thing for her for a long time. And as if a switch had been turned her mind was once again filled with thoughts circling around the little black dot she had barely thought of over the day.
"I think I'll make use of the whirlpool function of my bathtub while allowing myself to eat an unhealthy amount of Chinese takeout." Castle said and shot Kate a look while Esposito was still busy with the clasp of his bag. "Sound's good." The other man said but Kate could hear the disappointment in his voice. "Well then, see y'all tomorrow." Esposito went for the stairs with a weak waving of his hand and left Castle and Kate behind.
What Castle had just said sounded more than tempting. She knew she would have to face some things he would want to talk about. And she also knew it was important that they talked about what was going to happen, even though she didn't want to. But she figured doing it surrounded by hot water might make it a little more comfortable.
As they walked into the elevator and the doors closed, Kate turned to him. "I'll go home and get some things for tomorrow. And then I'll get the food. But if you dare to get in that whirlpool without me I'll let you go to bed starving." She tried to be funny to ease her own tension and he smiled at it. He was happy to see her relax, even if it was just the slightest bit. "Believe me," He answered, "I have absolutely no interest in getting in there alone." Then pressed his lips to her for a quick kiss before the doors of the elevator opened. And to his relief, he found her feeling a little bit closer to him than she had this morning.