Chapter 23

Jennie

I wake up in Lisa's arms, and for the first time since I found out I'm pregnant, everything feels like it's going to be okay. She made me dinner last night, and went out and got me more Sour Patch Kids before we went to sleep.

I carefully roll over, moving closer to her. It feels so good to have her next to me. Physically, her presence is comforting on its own. But having her here for everything else is almost enough to do me in.

We jumped into a relationship and need to take things slow. She said she likes me but held off moving forward out of respect to Jinwoo, but things are bigger than their friendship now. We have less than a week before we drop the bomb on my family, and I'm fairly sure all four of my brothers are going to have a few choice words for Lisa.

Early morning sun filters through the large windows. I forgot to close the blinds last night, and the light is shining right in on Lisa. I reach over and take my phone from the nightstand. My blinds are powered, and I can open and close them with an app on my phone.

The room darkens, and I lay back down next to Lisa. Two of the cats are in bed with us, and it might be silly to take it as a sign, but I do: the cats like Lisa. I'm completely aware of how much I'm becoming a crazy cat lady, but hey, at least I'm not currently single. That has to count for something, right?

"Jennie?" Lisa asks softly some time later. I hadn't quite fallen back asleep on account of an overactive mind. All those things I didn't want to think about kept popping into my brain. "Are you awake?"

I tighten my arm around her and tip my head up. "Yeah."

She smiles and kisses my forehead. "I like waking up next to you."

"I like it too. But you, not me. Because saying I like it too means I like waking up next to myself, right?"

She laughs softly. "Sure. Are you hungry? I'll make breakfast. Just tell me what you want."

I wrinkle my nose. "Breakfast and I don't really get along too well at the moment."

"Oh, right."

"But a smoothie sounds good, and easy to digest."

"I can go get you one." She smooths my hair back. Neither of us makes a move to get up. Lounging around in bed with Lisa—who's now my girlfriend—feels so damn good.

"There's stuff in the freezer for it. I used to make smoothies every morning in an attempt to eat healthy. We have donuts and coffee cake at work all the time, and bringing a smoothie with me helped me resist the temptation."

"I think I went into the wrong line of work," Lisa jokes. "You have parties and donuts at your office."

"The first Monday of every month we have massages too."

"Yep. Definitely the wrong line."

I grip Lisa's hand and exhale slowly, eyes on the large TV screen mounted on the wall in front of us. The room is cold, and I'm blaming that on why I'm trembling. But really, I'm nervous as fuck.

"Try and relax," the ultrasound tech tells me. Lisa gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. I tear my eyes away from the screen to look at her face, needing to see into her deep, brown eyes for a second.

Because this is it.

The moment I know will change everything.

"All right," the tech says with a smile on her face. "There's your baby."

Lisa and I both look at the screen, watching a little white blob come in and out of focus. Something flickers inside of it, and I don't have to be told to know what it is.

It's the heart.

Tears well in the corners of my eyes, and I tighten my hold on Lisa's hand. The tech takes a few pictures and then switches something over so we can hear. I turn my head, looking at Lisa as the sound of our baby's heartbeat fills the room. She's smiling, looking at the screen with emotion in her eyes.

And now I'm a goner.

The tears roll down my cheeks, but I don't try to stop them. Everything hits me all at once, and my mind races from I'm going to have a baby to that's my baby's heart beating and I'm scared and panicked while at the same time maternal instincts are kicking in and I'm feeling incredibly protective of that little flickering heartbeat.

After the ultrasound, we meet with my OB. I think I'm in a state of shock, not really absorbing any of the information the doctor gives me. Thank goodness Lisa is there and in doctor-mode herself. Everything looks good with the baby, and we're given the official due date of March eighteenth, a few days before Lisa's birthday. I get a prescription for anti-nausea medication and leave with a spinning head.

"Jennie?" Lisa says carefully when we get into the elevator to go back down to the main floor of the building. "Are you okay?"

I swallow hard, hearing the baby's heartbeat echo over and over again in my head. Lisa recorded a clip on her phone and sent it to me, so I have it to reference later, though I don't think I'll need to.

"My mom keeps talking about how excited she is to someday plan my wedding." My jaw starts to tremble and I lose my resolve. Lisa takes me in her arms, cradling me against her. I press my face into her shirt, not wanting anyone to see me cry. We're alone in the elevator for now, but that'll change soon, I'm sure.

I don't expect Lisa to understand my train of thought. Hell, I hardly understand it. But she does.

"I know things didn't happen the way you thought it would, and I'm sure your parents will be upset. But it's only because they love you, and because they love you, they'll come around. Jinwoo too. All your brothers will be there for you, and eventually your mom is going to be pretty damn excited to get another grandchild. Hell, I bet even Jackson will be happy to have a cousin."

I pull a tissue from my purse and mop up my face before blowing my nose again. Stifling a cough, I turn my face up to Lisa's. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"And as for your wedding…" She trails off, hand going to the back of her neck. If she were to suggest to me right now that we get married, I'm telling her no. Though for the last ten years I've been convinced there is no one more perfect in this world than Lisa, I can't do that to her. I want her to marry someone she's head over heels in love with, not the girl who got knocked up during an attempted one-night stand. Yeah, she likes me. But liking someone isn't enough to get married.

"You'll still plan it. And it will be perfect. Maybe having your kid there will make it more special. They can, uh, bring the ring down the aisle or something."

"Or be a flower girl," I say quietly. I close my eyes, trying to imagine it, and I can't. I can always see things panning out, and that vision drives me.

I saw myself getting into MIT. And I did.

I envisioned working at one of the best new software companies in the country. And I do.

Living alone in the city? Yeah, I could see myself doing that before I even took the job.

But having a baby? I can't picture it. At all. I can hardly even see myself with a big belly. I'd give anything for a cheat code to get around this mental blockage in my head. I have to play the game to get to the end, but if I could at least see how it works out, I'll be fine.

Not knowing is killing me.

"Breathe, Jennie," Lisa says, hands landing on my shoulders. I let out a breath, just now becoming aware that I'm hyperventilating. "It'll be okay."

"You keep saying that, but how? How is it going to be okay?"

"I don't know. But I do know I want it to be okay, so I'll find a way." She moves her hands to my face and looks me in the eye. "We'll figure it out, Jennie. I promise."

The elevator dings and the doors open. Lisa keeps a steady hold on my hand as we get out, walking through the lobby and stepping out into the summer sun. We grab lunch to bring back to my apartment and sit on the couch once we're done.

I'm coughing again and feeling run down, and cuddling up with Lisa is exactly what I need. We put on a movie and even though there are a million and one thoughts running through my brain, I doze off and fall asleep before the movie ends.

Two and a half hours later, I wake up, needing to pee. Lisa is asleep, and I slip off the couch without waking her up. The ultrasound photos are on the coffee table, and I pick them up when I get back into the living room, staring at them as I go into the kitchen to get more candy.

"You're going to be a big sister," I tell Lily, the biggest of all my cats. And by biggest, I mean fattest. She's been on a diet for over a year and hasn't lost a single pound. "He or she won't be here for a while, but I thought I'd let ya know." Lily lets me pet her for a minute before walking away.

I take my candy back to the living room, sitting on the edge of the couch by Lisa's feet. After a few minutes of me searching through Netflix for something to watch, Lisa wakes up, smiling as soon as she sees me.

She runs a hand through her hair, and that messy-sexy look is doing bad things to me. We never did get our thirty minutes like she promised.

"How are you feeling?" she asks right away.

"Better. Taking a nap helped."

"Yeah. You needed it."

"You did too."

She chuckles. "I haven't been this well-rested in a while. I forgot what it feels like to not be dead tired." She sits up, stretches, and swings her legs over the edge of the couch. "If you're not feeling up to it, then please tell me. But if you are, I'd like to take you out on a date."

I smile. "I am feeling up to it. Can I have like an hour to get ready? I want to pull out all the stops tonight and look good for you."

"You don't have to do anything to look good. But sure, you can have as much time as you want."

She pulls me in for a kiss before I get up and go into my bathroom. I gather my hair up into a bun and get in the shower to shave myself smooth. Lisa is my girlfriend now. We're going on a date. Even though I wanted to take things slow, I'm okay with sleeping together tonight. Because I am so fucking horny.

"Thanks, baby," I mumble, looking down at my stomach. I move quickly, curling my hair once I'm out of the shower. I put on my usual makeup, but go for my best pushup bra that makes my boobs look ridiculous.

I pull a black dress on top of that, finger comb out my curls to relax them more into loose waves, and finish off with a few pumps of perfume. The smell instantly makes me gag, dammit. I scrub as much of it as I can off my skin, grab my heels, and meet Lisa in the living room.

She also changed and looks incredible in dark jeans and a blue button-up shirt. Turning around when she hears me come into the room, Lisa's eyes widen when she sees me.

"You look beautiful."

My lips curve into a smile. "You don't look so bad yourself."

She takes me by the waist, pulls me in, and kisses me. I melt at her touch, heat growing between my legs as her tongue slips into my mouth. It's tempting to suggest staying in instead of going out. Something tells me Lisa won't object.

"Where did you want to go?" I ask, stopping for air.

Lisa seems to have as hard of a time moving away from me as I do from her. "What about Navy Pier? I've never been."

"You'll love it."

"Good." She takes my hand and heads toward the door. "I want to make sure our second date is as memorable as our first."

I keep the smile on my face, not letting Lisa know my confidence is wavering. Not specifically in her, but in this whole situation. If our second date isn't anywhere near as good as the first, we can forget about a third.

Normally, it wouldn't be a big deal. But I don't normally go on a second date with someone who already knocked me up.