Author's Note: I promised it wouldn't take me three years to write the next chapter, and here I am two years later with the update. I'm the worst. However, I have been really inspired to write lately. I'm going to try to finish this story by the end of October and carry that momentum into writing an original novel during NaNoWriMo. Enjoy this really long chapter that took me two years to figure out.

Riley's POV

"Heads up. Haley knows."

My heart dropped when I saw the notification of the text from Lucas flash across my screen. It could only mean one thing. My world as I knew it was about to implode. I was already at cheer practice and I knew Haley would be there soon too.

"Riley," I heard her voice call my name from behind me. "I want to talk to you." She sounded extremely pissed off. I spun around as Haley approached me. I involuntarily took a few steps back from her and tripped. I fell backwards onto one of the blue mats that were already laid out on the gym floor. Haley towered over me and scoffed "Clumsy Riley, you're always falling aren't you?" She reached down to offer me a hand. I was afraid of what she might do to me once she had me in her hand, but I took my chances and pulled myself up with her help. "Falling onto the floor. Falling in love with your best friend. Falling into my boyfriend's lips."

I instantly let go of her hand and dashed towards the locker room. She ran after me. "Riley, stop running. You're going to-" She was interrupted by the thunk caused by me tripping again (on literally nothing this time) and falling face first into the door of an open locker.

"-hurt yourself," she finished her sentence as she caught up to me. This time I stood up before she could offer me a hand. We both knew I didn't deserve it.

"I want to know why you did it, Riley. Was it just because you could?" If eyes could throw daggers, hers would be impaling me right now.

"I never meant to hurt you," I replied.

"Oh, your face is bleeding," she said. I touched my face where I suspected I had cut it on the locker door and saw the blood on my hand.

"Haley, please don't tell Maya," I begged as if I could somehow still control this.

"What?! We're all friends, or at least we used to be. She's going to wonder why Lucas and I broke up."
Shit. "You broke up with Lucas?" I asked.

She shook her head. "He broke up with me, actually."

"I'm so sorry-" she held up her hand to stop me.

"You already had Maya. You just had to have Lucas too?"

Of course, right at that moment Maya ran into the locker room. She saw Haley's raised hand and then looked at the blood on my face and jumped to the wrong conclusion. Maya pushed Haley up against the lockers, pinning her.

"Don't touch her," Maya said to Haley.

"I didn't," Haley said.

"She didn't, Maya. I fell," I explained.

"The other cheerleaders came to get me. They told me you guys were fighting," Maya said, still holding Haley against the lockers.

"We're not fighting," I assured her.

Maya looked at me and then back at Haley. "They said you shoved Riley down onto the mats and then chased her in here."

"I didn't shove her!" Haley refuted.

"Maya, she really didn't. I tripped and fell and she helped me back up. Then I ran back into the locker room and she followed me. Then, I tripped and fell again," I could taste the blood that was running down my face.

"Why did you run after her?" Maya questioned Haley.

"Because I needed to talk to her," Haley answered.

"Why did you run away?" Maya asked me, perplexed.

"Because I didn't want the other girls on the squad to hear what we were talking about," I replied. I didn't want to face the conversation myself either, but not wanting the others to hear it was also true.

"What were you talking about?" Maya's confusion grew.
"Tell her," Haley said to me.

Maya looked back and forth between us, still holding Haley against the lockers unnecessarily. I looked at Maya and I tried to find the words, but I didn't even know how to begin. I inhaled, trying to find the air necessary to push out the truth, but I froze. Haley watched me. I could see her frustration with my hesitance growing. Then she did something I never saw coming.

"Maya," she said. Maya turned her head back to face Haley. Their faces were inches away from each other. I thought Haley was going to tell Maya everything in that moment. What she did was even worse. Maybe I deserved it, but Maya didn't, and I still resent Haley for that.

Haley leaned forward and kissed Maya. Maya dropped her arms that were pinning Haley to the locker and backed away but Haley moved forward and wrapped her arms around Maya. I was in complete shock. I knew that Haley wanted to hurt me back, but I never imagined she would take it this far.

Maya took another step back and pushed Haley away. Maya looked so confused. Before I could even say anything, Coach came in. She saw the blood on my face and grabbed my arm. She pulled me away to her office where she had her first aid kit.

Maya's POV

For a moment I just stood there stunned. I couldn't make sense of anything that had just happened. What had I walked into? Was Haley confessing to Riley that she had feelings for me? Were they fighting over me? What is going on?

Coach took Riley back to her office. I looked at Haley for answers but she was already walking out the back door of the locker room. I followed her outside where she sat on a bench. She looked like she was fighting back tears.

I sat down next to her. "Why did you just kiss me?" I asked her.

"I'm sorry, Maya, I wasn't thinking. My emotions completely took over," she said wiping a tear away from her face.

"What emotions?" If Haley had feelings for me, she had certainly never expressed that to me before. She clearly wasn't about to start now either because she just shook her head.

"Haley, I thought we were friends." I said.

"We are," she said. "At least, I hope you still want to be."

"If we are friends, and you still want us to be friends, then why the hell did you just kiss me right in front of my girlfriend?" I was growing impatient and I wanted answers.

Haley stood up. I did the same. She faced me, and I thought she was going to start explaining, but she stood silently. I reached out and took her hands in mine for encouragement. Her hands were shaking.

I asked her the obvious question."Do you have romantic feelings for me?"

"No," she shook her head.

"Are you questioning your sexuality?" I guessed.

"No, it's nothing like that. I'm definitely straight," she affirmed.

"Okay, I'm going to need you to explain yourself here," I said, letting go of her hands.

"I think you should hear it from Riley," she said.

"How is Riley going to explain to me why you kissed me?" I asked, more confused than ever.

Just then I heard the locker room door. Riley walked out of the locker room and headed towards us. She must have heard my question. I was afraid that whatever alleged non fight I walked into was going to to become a real fight so I stepped into Riley's path and stood between her and Haley.

"She kissed you because she wanted to get back at me," Riley said. She now had a large band aid on her cheek where she had been bleeding.

"I shouldn't have done that. I regret it now. I'm sorry." Haley apologized.

I started to connect the dots. "So the emotion that you were taken over by was revenge?" I asked Haley. She nodded. "It's much less innocent than you thought," she confessed.

I looked at Riley and said what she was afraid to say. "This is about Lucas, isn't it?" She nodded sheepishly.

"What happened?" I asked her bluntly.

"Maya, please know that I love you-" she started.

"If you love me, then tell me the truth right now," I cut her off.

Riley closed her eyes as she spoke, as though she couldn't bring herself to look at me.
"Lucas and I kissed," she admitted uncomfortably.

"When?" I asked, trying to remain calm.

"It was in Texas, after Pappy Joe's funeral," she sighed. "Maya, I'm so sorry-" I stopped her again because it wasn't time for apologies yet, I still needed clarity.

"Who initiated the kiss?" I asked.

Riley looked at Haley and then at me. "Lucas kissed me," she said.

Haley had a question of her own "Did you push him away like Maya pushed me away?"

Riley closed her eyes again, this time seemingly to blink back tears. "I did, but not immediately."

"What do you mean by not immediately?" Haley pressed.

Riley opened her watery eyes. "I mean, I kissed him back, at least I did at first. I didn't stop him immediately like Maya stopped you."

I wanted so desperately to be able to blame this all on Lucas. Part of me wanted to find him and breaks his perfect face. Of course, what would actually end up breaking would be my fingers against his jaw, so I knew it wasn't worth it. I also knew that he wasn't the only one responsible. Riley confirmed something that I had always feared, something I think Haley had always feared as well.

"He was grieving. He was obviously in a vulnerable state, Riley. Why did you kiss him back?" Haley grilled Riley.

"Because in that moment, I wanted to kiss Lucas. I could try to explain it to you, but everything I'd say would sound like excuses to you," Riley answered Haley.

"Then explain it to me, Riley," I demanded. "Why did you want to kiss him and why did you keep this from me for so long?" I asked, fighting back tears.

"You and I were were in a rough place that summer. I was back in Texas with Lucas. It was just the two of us. Old feelings for Lucas got stirred up, feelings I hadn't felt in a really long time. I didn't think there was any part of me that still felt that way about him, yet there I was. I didn't have the strength to fight those feelings in that moment. When I did push him away, I made him promise not to tell anyone, because I never wanted either of you to find out. I never wanted to hurt you like this," she explained.

I stood there with my arms crossed because I felt like like I needed to hold myself together, literally. It felt like my heart had been shattered and I needed to hold the pieces together in my chest. I couldn't hold the pieces of my heart and hold back my tears, so I let the tears flow freely down my face. Haley stepped closer to me and put her arm around me, as if she could sense that I was crumbling inside.

"Is there anything else you've been keeping from me?" I asked Riley.

"Yes," Riley answered. "I applied to the University of Texas at Austin." She applied to the same school that Zay, Haley and Lucas all applied to. Zay and Lucas had already committed to play college baseball there next year.

"Wow," Haley commented.

"Okay, I can't handle anything else right now," I said honestly. I started walking away.

"Maya, please-" Riley stepped forward and tried to stop me from leaving.

"Not now. I just don't have the emotional bandwidth right now. I need some time," I told her.

Haley and I walked to her house together. She wanted to make sure I got home okay, but she lived closer to school and I insisted I'd get home just fine. She invited me in, but I told her I needed some time alone to process everything.

"Maya, I'm really sorry about the whole kissing you thing," Haley apologized again.

"I'm not upset with you," I told her.

"It was so disrespectful and shitty of me," she continued.

"It was, but I won't hold it against you because I know what you were feeling in that moment, and you're the only other person who understands how much all of this hurts," I told her.

She hugged me and said "I know you need alone time, but if you need me, just call or text, anytime."

I started walking downtown alone. So many thoughts were running through my head. Surprisingly, one of those thoughts was Adeline. I thought about using her number, but I didn't. I wondered what it would have been like if she had kissed me that night at the bar. Would I feel better right now if she had? Would I feel like Riley and I were even somehow? Maybe we were. I have this whole other life that I keep a secret from her every time I walk into that bar. Do I have any right to be angry with Riley for having a secret other life in Texas?

I had been so consumed by my racing thoughts that I didn't realize I had walked all the way to SoHo. I guess subconsciously I wanted a drink. I actually wanted many drinks, and here I was, outside The Room on Sullivan Street. I walked in and took a seat at the bar. I said hi to Jackson, the bartender working tonight.

"Hey Maya, you look like you've had a rough day." I nodded.

"Jackson, man, you have no idea," I said.

"Well I was about to open a bottle of this new brand of Chianti we just got in and pour some samples. I know you're usually a beer drinker but you look like you need something stronger today," he said as he poured me a generous, full glass of wine. "Give it a try, if you don't like it, then your next drink will be your usual beer."

I tried to pay him but he insisted it was on the house. I took my wine glass over to a booth and sipped on it in the glow of the candle light. I wasn't a huge fan of wine but I didn't care. I just wanted to numb the pain. I glanced down at my phone. I had put it on Do Not Disturb earlier. I scrolled through my new messages. There was one from Haley: "Hope u made it home ok." There was surprisingly one from Lucas: "I know u hate me. I'm sorry." He's a man of few words, that Huckleberry. Then there was one from Riley: "I know you need time, and take however much you need, but if you want to talk I'll be here in the bay window." That one made me ache for a simpler time when the bay window was our safe place.

I chugged the rest of the wine in my glass and I told Jackson that despite having finished it all, it wasn't my thing. He gave me my usual beer as promised. I dropped a $5 bill on the bar as a tip and went back to my booth. As I drank my beer I thought about what I might say to Riley. I already knew I was going to end up at her house after I finished this beer. I drank it quickly and hailed a cab to Riley's house. I replied to her text in the cab: "on my way now". She replied almost instantly. "I'm here. I'm really glad you decided to come."

I climbed through her bay window like I had so many times before, knowing that this might be the last time. I stumbled a little bit.

"Maya, have you been drinking?" Riley could tell right away.

"Yes," I admitted.

"How many?" She probed.

"Just two." The one glass of wine was full so it was probably more like two glasses, and 3 total drinks but oh well. "I didn't come here to talk about my beverages," I answered.

"Okay, well I will let you lead the conversation then," Riley yielded.
I still had questions that I needed answered.

"What happened to our plan of applying to colleges nearby? I only applied to Cooper Union, the School of Visual Arts, and The New School University. They're all here in New York City," I asked. I was shook that she had applied to the same school as Lucas and didn't tell me.

"Yeah Maya, and you actually got in to Cooper Union, because your portfolio is amazing. I applied to schools here too. I applied to NYU, Columbia and Rutgers. I didn't get in to any of them because my application doesn't stand out from every other local applicant," she replied.

I thought Riley was still waiting to hear back from schools. She hadn't yet told me me about the rejections.

"I got rejected by NYU and Columbia. I got waitlisted by Rutgers," she revealed.

"Well, New Jersey isn't far," I said as though there was still hope for us.

"And then I got accepted into the University of Texas," she added.

"Fuck," I said.

"I know," she said.

"I mean, Congratulations," I said half-heartedly.

"Thanks," she said.

"Riley, don't you think that maybe the universe is trying to tell us something?" I asked.

"I think you're confusing the universe with the university," she quipped.

"Riley," I reached out and took her hand; I told her the truth even though it killed me. "You can't turn down an acceptance to a top university for a waitlist."

"Yeah, I was thinking that too," she sighed. "Rutgers is not a sure thing. I might not get an answer until late in the summer, and that answer might still be a rejection," she reasoned.

"But what does that mean for us, Maya?" Riley asked. I guess that means she still thinks there is an us. I guess there is because we haven't exactly broken up yet. But how do we overcome this?

"Riles, be honest with me and be honest with yourself," I began. I think a younger version of me would've fought for her, but I couldn't this time.
"When you were in Texas with Lucas, you realized you still had unresolved feelings for him and you didn't have the strength to fight them." As those words left my mouth, I realized that I didn't have the strength to fight for her either. The odds were stacked against us, and those stacks were just too high.

"You guys were there for what, like a week? What do you think is going to happen when you guys are down there for 4 years?" I rationalized.

She held my hand a little tighter. "Peaches, I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I don't want to give up on us," Riley said.

I took this opportunity to kiss her one last time. I knew it would be the last chance I got, so I kissed her like she meant the world to me, because she does. I took a deep breath and then I continued with the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

"Haley and Lucas broke up. He's going to UT. You're going to UT. You guys both have feelings for each other and you guys need to figure them out. I'm not giving up, but I am getting out of the way." I said, letting go of her hand.

"How is that not giving up?" She asked.

"If you and I are meant to be together, then we will find our way back to each other. But right now, we can't move forward as a couple. I can't be with you when you still have feelings for him. It's killing me to let go, but I can't do this now, and I can't do this long distance unless I'm the only person you have feelings for. Can you understand that?" I drew the line and she retreated.

She closed her eyes to hold her back tears, but she nodded.

"Yes, I can understand that. I'm sorry that I haven't been fair to you," she said.

"You haven't been fair to yourself either, Riles. That's all I'm really asking you to do," I said.

"Yeah, just be fair to myself and let go of the love of my life," she said sadly.

"You haven't sorted out your feelings yet, Riles. If I'm really the love of your life, I want to be the only one."

"But you're pushing me in his direction," she said.

"Actually, life is doing that. You only got into one school, and it's in Texas," I reminded her.

"What if we're making a huge mistake right now?" She questioned.

I couldn't be sure that we weren't, but it felt like it was the only way forward. "Then I guess we'll learn a huge lesson from it. It's a risk we'll have to take."

We hugged each other tightly. "I'm still a little tipsy, so I'm gonna leave through the front door." I said. I took one last look through the doorway as I closed her bedroom door. "Goodbye, Riley."

"Another Mimosa?" The waiter asked. He snapped me back to the present reality of bottomless brunch. After reliving those moments and remembering that I don't like wine, I ordered a beer instead.

"The fact that Riley has kept your tryst a secret from Lucas for several months now tells you the same thing, Maya," Haley said.

I took a moment to process Haley's theory. "So, what you're saying is that our hook up meant something to Riley and that's why she's keeping it a secret," I supposed.

"She still has feelings for you, Maya. She wouldn't hide it if it meant nothing to her."

I couldn't help but smile at the possibility.

"I really hate to say that because you honestly deserve better than this perpetual love triangle," she scoffed as she finished her Bloody Mary and ordered another one.

"Well you forgot to include yourself, so it's really more of a square dance than a triangle," I pointed out.

Wait a minute.

"Smackle told me not to tell Farkle that she was back in town. Does that mean she's hiding it from him because she still has feelings for him?" I wondered.

Haley thought about it for a moment. "I don't know. Smarkle was always a wild card when it came to feelings."