A/N: Inspired by "Not so Bad a Friend" on Ao3
Scorching desert sun beating down, Marco felt nothing but cold.
Cold, cold emptiness. On the day he and his bestest friend in the whole multiverse confessed their feelings, they were forever separated. He couldn't help but think of what he could have done differently, if he could have convinced Star not to destroy magic, if Mina could have been defeated earlier, if anything but this. Out of all possibilities, why did it have to be this?
When he wasn't feeling cold, he was feeling hot. Hot, hot anger. Anger at Mina, Moon, Eclipsa, even Star. But the greatest anger, his most hateful thoughts, were directed to someone else.
He glanced at his reflection in the front door's glass. It was a weekend, a rare Saturday off from school. He figured being here was better than staying alone in his room, silently screaming. Suddenly, he heard the sound of approaching footsteps behind the door, snapping him out of his emotional stupor.
The door swung open, revealing Starfan13. She had bags under her eyes and disheveled hair. When she recognized Marco, a faint smile crossed her lips. "Hey, Marco."
"Hey Starfan." No hearts on her cheeks, no improvised horn headband, the only reminder of Star was the faded shape on her shirt. "I'm here for the Star remembrance party."
"The remembrance party? That's tomorrow."
"Oh. Sorry." Marco turned a foot to leave, but froze. He didn't want to go back home and just wallow alone. This conversation, no matter how brief and somber, had provided some relief. "Sorry if i'm bothering you but, can I come in?"
"Sure." Starfan stepped aside. "I'm glad you came, actually." She closed the door behind him. "I feel like you were the closest to Star out of everybody who was coming. Sit down if you want."
Marco complied, taking a seat. "Where are your parents?"
"Out for the weekend. That's why we decided to host the party here, remember?"
"Oh yeah, I remember. It's just that… gosh, the days are slipping. I've been staying up late, ignoring due dates, grades are crashing... I woke up like two hours ago. I went to sleep at like 3 am."
"What're you doing staying up so late?"
"Just… thinking. I'm in bed, I try to sleep, but I can't." He also wept at night, the ghost of cold tears lingering on his face even now, but it was too embarrassing to say.
Starfan sighed and sat next to Marco. "I feel ya. Been going through the same thing."
"Wait, really?"
"I'm guessing not as intense, but yeah really." Starfan smiled, though not at Marco. She faced forward. "Can't sleep, days fading, I've been having some bad dreams-"
"Me too!" Marco jumped in his seat. "Sorry for that, but I've been having nightmares too. Star's in every single one."
Starfan nodded. "I feel ya." She patted Marco's hand.
Marco just looked down. "I have one that keeps happening. It starts by wading in the realm of magic as it's collapsing. I'm looking for Star desperately, because I know she's there. After… days of going against the cold and wind, I finally find her. She's standing there, in the water, just so calm and happy." Marco makes a fist as he starts to shake. "I reach out to hug her, then… then…" Tears started to form in his eyes. "She's-"
Starfan threw her arms around him, resting her cheek on his chest. Marco was taken aback but soon returned the hug, his eyes closed.
"I'm hugging her, and I want to say so much. Then I open my mouth and… she's gone."
Starfan didn't say anything, but nodded, like she was saying let it out, let it out. Marco could feel her head move against him. "She's gone, and, and…" He began to cry fully, tightening against Starfan. "Please don't go."
They stayed like that for a while, sharing their warmth as sunlight shone on ethereally floating dust. Slowly, they both loosened their grip just enough so that they could face each other. Starfan opened her eyes, and revealed she was crying too. She leaned in and whispered, "I won't."
Marco was in his living room eating popcorn and happily watching his favorite sitcom. His parents were out for a night on the town, leaving him alone to his own devices. He was just in his undershirt and pajama pants.
There was a knock on the door. Marco stuffed himself with one more handful of popcorn then got up to answer it.
"Starfan!" He smiled. "Sheesh, what're doing out here so late? Did you walk here with that?" He pointed at the stuffed duffel bag in her arms.
Starfan gave a half-hearted tired smile."Yeah. So uh, how're you doing?"
"Fine. I aced my history essay yesterday!" Marco stood tall with pride. After what Starfan had seen a few weeks ago, she was grateful for it. "You wanna come in? Pretty sure it's like a 30 minute walk from where you live."
"Yeah, that would be nice." She came in, set the bag on the coffee table, and crashed on the couch.
"Lemme get you some juice."
As Marco disappeared into the kitchen, Starfan eyed the lumpy bag she brought in.
What the heck am I doing… she thought as she took the bowl of popcorn into her lap.
"Heya!" He popped back in and tossed her a Kappi-sun. As she sipped, he sat down next to her. "So, uh, you're running away?"
Starfan smiled. A stupid, genuine smile. "Hah! No, I'm…" She quickly returned to her frown.
Marco frowned too. "You ok? You don't seem normal."
Starfan sighed, then turned to him. "Do you have any of Star's clothes?"
"What? Why?"
Without a word, she leaned over and unzipped the duffel bag. Inside was a sea-grass dress, a red devil-horns headband, and more hidden beneath.
Marco looked through it, digging deeper into the layers. "Starfan, what the heck?"
She drank hard from her little juice packet. "I found my Star cosplay stuff a few days ago. My mind started racing with all the ways I could make it better. So…" She waved her hand at the general direction of the bag. "I couldn't resist."
"So, gosh, you want a primary source?"
"You really did ace that essay, did ya? But yeah."
Marco nodded his head disapprovingly. "No. And even if I did, I wouldn't show you. What the heck is wrong with you?" He narrowed his eyes at her.
"Sorry…" Starfan looked down at the popcorn, quietly sipping. "I knew it was stupid, I was just… whatever. It's fine." All of a sudden, Marco regretted jeering at her.
He sighed. "Do you wanna maybe… show me what you have so far?"
She immediately lit up, still biting on the straw. "Do I ever! I'll be back." She grabbed the bag and ran up stairs, presumably to the bathroom.
Marco sat on the couch, hands on his face. This was just plain wrong, what Starfan was doing. A part of him wanted to kick her out his house and never see her again. The other part still thought it was wrong, but knew that Starfan was just going through some grief with Star, and this is just one of the quirky ways she's coping. And another, smaller, near-indetectable part of him wanted to see her in cosplay.
When he heard footsteps coming down the stairs and positioning themselves in front of him, he didn't look up. Seeing Star's boots moving in front of him gave him an uneasy feeling.
"Hey, Marco, you gonna look up dude?"
Marco pulled off the band-aid and forced himself to look. Starfan had it down perfectly.
She must have studied old pictures and brands, because the clothes looked remarkably like Star's. Seagrass dress, star shaped purse, the works. The centerpiece was the wig, she even got Star's bangs right. The cheek-heart makeup was subtle, extravagantly so. The wand was obviously cheap, but that was forgivable. But it wasn't just the things: The way she held the wand with both hands pressed near her legs was incredible, and the way she looked at him was so much the way Star did.
The way she looked at him…
"So… what do you think?"
"You look exactly like her."
"Heh, well compliments to the chef. Oh, which is me!" She pointed the wand at herself. He could almost see magic come out of it.
"..."
"Uh, Marco, you ok?"
"Sorry, just, gosh, you look exactly like her." He fell onto the couch, staring like he'd seen a ghost.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" She pulled off her wig, revealing the normal brown hair beneath. "I didn't think-"
Marco leaned back and covered his eyes as he began to feel a lump form in his throat. He had been relatively fine for the past week, and he thought he might have gotten over it by now. But seeing Starfan like that, it was like Star returned, just for a moment, before the illusion shattered. Just out of reach.
Starfan sat next to him. "No hard feelies?" Starfan smiled.
Marco looked at her grimly. He could still see it. The makeup, the clothes, the way she looked at him, it was all there. "Can you… put the wig back on and pretend you're Star again?"
"What?"
"Just... please."
Starfan looked at the wig in her hands for a moment, face grim. "This is for you, Marco." She put the wig on again, and in a flash had a wide grin on her face.
Marco looked at her in silence for a moment, internalizing the image. He sighed, half-beleiving this was a waste of time. "Hey Star, it's been a while."
"Oh my gosh, Marco!" She said in her best Star impression. "It's been soooooo long! How are you?"
"I'm… not good."
"Aw. You know what makes me feel good? Kitten hugs!" Starfan pointed the wand at him. "Pew pew pew!" Afterwards, she hugged him for a moment.
"Wow, she would do that. Ahem, uh, I have some things to get off my chest."
"Well shoot!" She put the wand beneath her chin, acting as sort of a rest.
"Well. I'm… sorry for that five bucks I still owe ya. And-"
The lights and TV suddenly turned off, making Starfan jump.
"Oh, sorry, we set up an automatic shut off so that we could save power. Dad's always leaving lights or the TV on."
Starfan nodded, and continued her listening pose.
"Uhm, and i'm sorry we never watched all of Youths! together."
With the lights off, the only light coming in was the dim cool of the moon and street lights from outside.
"And I'm sorry for that time I took the last Kappi-sun."
The dark silence seemed to envelope them like a blanket, as if these words were spoken under the covers. Like even God couldn't see or hear these words.
"And I'm sorry for that one time I called you stupid at the school fair."
Starfan listened intently, and in the darkness Marco could make out a glint of light in her eye.
"And… and I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you more when I still could."
Starfan, on the other hand, could see the glint of a tear in Marco's eye.
"I'm sorry we had to separate. I'm sorry for not thinking of something else to do to fight Mina, like biding our time or trying to assassinate her or fake surrender or even real surrender." He put his fist over his mouth, struggling to hold back the tears.
"And… and I'm sorry we couldn't go on dates. I'm sorry I could never take you to the pier, or the movies, or a restaurant. I'm sorry we could never set matching profile pictures on our social media. I'm sorry we could never post each other on international boyfriend or girlfriend day. I'm sorry for never telling you how beautiful you are."
His voice broke and he breathed a sobbing breath. "And I know we did go to all those places, but those were just as friends. I'm sorry for never having ice cream and holding your hand at sunset. I'm sorry for never holding you close at the school dance. I'm sorry for…"
The tears were flowing now. "I'm sorry for not holding your hand more. I'm sorry for not playing with your hair more. I'm sorry for not snuggling up against the fireplace with you more. I'm sorry for not calling you cute stupid nicknames. I'm sorry for not hugging you more. I'm-"
Suddenly, Starfan hugged him. She pressed her cheek into his, feeling his tears cling to her face. Marco paused for a moment, then resumed his rant while hugging back, more quiet and intimate this time.
"I'm sorry for not interlocking our fingers more. I'm sorry for not holding you in my arms and looking into your eyes more. I'm sorry for-"
Starfan pushed away lightly, just enough so that they could look at eachother. They were so close.
Marco was whispering now. "I'm sorry for not snuggling up with you enough. I'm sorry for what I thought about you when I first met you. I'm sorry for…" he gulped. "I'm sorry for not kissing you enough."
They looked at eachother, unblinking. The way she looked at him. So close.
"Look, Starfan, I think-"
Starfan kissed him, grasping his clothes hard as fabric rubbed against fabric. Marco's vision, so blurred from tears, was immediately cleared. Electrifying tingles rippled up and down each of their bodies. Marco knew this was an illusion. Fake. But he didn't care. He couldn't.
Finally, they pulled away, and Starfan looked up at him in horror. "Oh my gosh, Marco, I'm so sorry-"
"Shut up." Marco pulled her in again, running his fingers through her hair this time. He touched some of Starfan's real hair. The kiss was sweeter this time. "I'm making up for everything."
When they pulled away again, Starfan was breathing heavily. "Marco, I love this, but you're gonna regret this later."
"Yeah, I know. This probably isn't healthy. But… I need this." He kissed her cheek and began moving down. "What the heck am I doing, Starfan?"
Starfan caressed the back of his head. "Let's… let's just pretend I'm Star right now."
"Yeah, let's…" He gave her a kiss on the side of the jaw. "I love you, Star."
"I… I love you too, Marco. I love you so, so much."