More Stories of Pabu:
Fever Dream (Phee and Tech)
1.
Phee woke in the night, knowing something was wrong.
There was pain; it ran around her bulging belly in constricting bands. She expected pain. Something seemed off, though. But what did she know? She'd never had a baby before.
"Tech," she said, turning to her sleeping husband. She hated waking him; he'd only just begun to get some decent sleep at night. But with a baby coming, that was going to be short-lived, anyway. "Tech," she said again, shaking his arm.
"Wha?" He sat up immediately, his hair sticking up in adorable tufts, though she couldn't fully appreciate it right now.
"I think—" she began, then bent over in a wave of pain.
"Is it time?" He was instantly awake, his eyes wide in the semi-darkness.
"I—I think so, but—"
Tech waved his hand over the glow lamp, increasing the light in the room.
"Phee." Something about his voice. He'd been nervous during the entire pregnancy, but there was a note of something else now: fear.
Her eyes had been squeezed shut as another contraction crushed her middle. As it eased, she opened them and realized the source of his fear.
Blood bloomed bright red on her nightgown and spread around her on the bed like a deadly flower.
2.
By the time Wrecker sped up to their door in his battered speeder, her grasp on consciousness was a tenuous thread. Only the regular contractions jarred her back to reality. The midnight air caressed her face as they zoomed up the mountain.
"The baby…." She whispered.
"It will be all right, my love," Tech murmured, holding her tight in the back seat as she writhed in pain, the blood continuing to gush from her. "Hold on. Dr. Xo will make everything all right." But he'd never sounded more terrified.
"Is she gonna be okay?" she heard Wrecker say from the front. "Tech?"
"Just keep driving, Wrecker," her husband snapped. "Hurry!"
She drifted. The stars, placid and glittering like jewels, began to spin.
My Jewel…I can't lose our Jewel.
Darkness overtook her.
3.
Voices echoing, disembodied. Bright lights, shadows moving around her.
"The placenta….uncontrolled bleeding. We have to take the baby now or…."
"….about Phee? Will she…."
"….wait outside and let us…."
"No! I won't leave…."
"….take your brother and…."
"….me go, Wrecker! I have to…."
"….me fifty units of…."
Dimly, the sting of a hypo in her neck.
Down and down and down into darkness.
4.
"Wrecker, let me go! Put me down, you big oaf!" Tech struggled in the big man's arms, which were like a vise around him.
"You gonna let the doctor do what she needs to do?" his brother asked, giving a warning squeeze.
"Yes, yes, I promise. I'm fine." He wasn't fine; he wouldn't be fine until he knew Phee and their baby were fine. But he had to get it under control, or the Shadow would take advantage of his panic.
Wrecker set him down gently. "Should I get someone? Hunter? Or Senn?"
"Y-Yes. Perhaps that is wise." He'd been working closely with Senn for several months now and making progress. But he couldn't take any chances. Not now.
"Okay. Okay, I'll go get them," Wrecker said nervously. "You just stay right here, okay?"
"Where else would I go?" he snapped, pacing the room outside Dr. Xo's treatment room.
Wrecker dashed out the door, and he presently heard the speeder whine and zoom away.
He took deep breaths, paced some more, and then sat in a chair against the wall, breathing some more. Please let them live, he prayed, though he didn't know who or what he prayed to. He'd never been the spiritual sort; he took comfort in facts and knowledge. But he had no idea what was happening in the next room; there were no facts or knowledge to help him now. So he prayed. Thinking of Senn, he supposed he prayed to the Force.
That won't help, a voice said inside him. It emanated from within him, but it wasn't his sentiment. It was his.
The Shadow.
"Shut up," he muttered, holding his head in his hands.
They're going to die. Both of them. And then you'll just have me.
"No," he said, grinding his teeth.
They're already dead. Did you see all that blood? Your wife's blood. Your child's blood. They're gone. All you have left is me.
"We don't know that. There is no basis for your allegations." He felt foolish having an argument with a phantom in his head. Yet here they were.
But you know it in your heart. They're dead. Because you don't deserve them.
"Because of you," he spat. "If you'd just go away…."
Oh, but you forget, the voice said silkily, It's impossible for me to go away. Because….
I am you.
5.
Phee held on for dear life.
She clung to the rocky wall of the mountain, her booted feet outfitted with small vibro-blades that sunk into the crumbly rock face, her hands clutching at every available protuberance or cleft. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to look down, as a high wind attempted to blow her off the surface of the mountain.
She checked and rechecked the ropes and harness that held her aloft from above, tied to a spike in the ground at the summit. She'd flown her ship in and landed, geared up, and began her descent down the sheer cliff face.
She made the mistake of glancing down. The raging river, far below, was a gleaming silver thread in the sunlight. Strange, bat-like birds swooped past her, screaming, and she'd encountered a few of their nests embedded in the rock here and there. She'd have to be careful.
She snorted. That's for damn sure, you reckless fool, she chided herself. What were you thinking, Phee?
She was thinking about finding the famous Amber Idol and selling it, to pay for the rest of her brother's education, and possibly her own if there was enough.
But she was also thinking about a promise she'd made to her father, when she was very young.
She'd been sitting in his lap in his study, the room filled with strange artifacts, old maps on the walls, even a few dusty books made of actual paper. She loved this room, and her father even more. He was telling her a story about an ancient artifact called the Amber Idol, how it had been lost millennia ago, and only a half-destroyed map no one could decipher could tell where it was.
"I'm going to find it someday, Daddy," she'd exclaimed. "I'm going to find it and give it to you."
"Are you now?" he'd said, smiling at her. "Well, that would be a wonderful birthday present, that's for sure."
She'd spent her childhood thinking and dreaming about it, her adolescence learning everything she possibly could about it, and her University years studying the map and making it her thesis subject. She was on the verge of a breakthrough when the news came: her parents had died in a fire in their home on Draxel 5. Soon after, the funds for their education dried up, and she found herself scrambling for credits.
She'd never be able to give her father the Amber Idol. But she could use it to help her brother finish his education, at least. And in her grief, her need to find the Idol became an obsession.
A year later, she found herself hanging by a thread from a cliff wall thousands of feet from the ground, in search of an elusive artifact that existed only in legend.
I have to do this, she reminded herself whenever fear plunged her into doubt. I'm so close, I can feel it.
As she carefully descended, one of the bat-birds suddenly flapped by her, screaming its high-pitched cry. Startled, she lost her grip on the rope and slid rapidly down the cliff wall. Her hands flailed in panic as she tried to catch hold of the rope again, scrabbling against the wall, sending loose rocks and dirt tumbling down into the ravine far below.
She finally grabbed the rope and stopped her descent. She clung to it desperately as her heart pounded in fear. Yeah, I guess I should have brought someone with me. Too late now; she was on her own in this.
She looked up and saw that she'd fallen quite a distance. But from her vantage point here, she saw something else: a dark shadow against the cliff wall that could only be the entrance to a cave. The cave she was looking for.
She began the long, difficult climb back up.
6.
"You are not me," Tech insisted to the voice in his head. "You were created by Hemlock. You are his creature."
He continued to pace the waiting room, glancing at the door to the exam room every now and then, expecting it to open any minute now, Dr. Xo delivering the bad news….
That's what you want to think, the voice replied. But the truth is….you created me.
Tech shook his head. "No."
Think about it, the voice said reasonably. Without me, you would have died on that rack. I'm the one who saved your life in that hell-hole. And now you spurn me.
"You are a monster. You cannot be allowed to escape."
I did what had to be done! the voice raged. I did the unpleasant business while you cowered inside us. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be here, worried about a wife you've been happily sleeping with for months. Worried about a child that shouldn't even be possible. But you seem to lead a charmed life. And me? Cast aside now that you no longer need me. Thrown into the dark corners of your mind, to be utterly forgotten.
"Senn, where is Senn, gods, I need him," Tech muttered, clutching his head.
That one? Oh, he can banish me to the dark corners with his magic. But perhaps I'll kill him when he arrives. It would be so easy….
"No!" Tech fell to his knees. He tried to get the Shadow under control, to shove him back into the tiny compartment of his mind that held him, as he had before. But his rising fear for Phee and the baby seemed to feed the Shadow. Senn had warned him about this. Fear would make it stronger.
He sat down again in the chair and breathed. Face the fear. Face it and move beyond it.
"I am afraid of losing Phee and the baby. I am afraid of being left alone with you. I am afraid of you. If I did create you, then you are made of pain and fear and violence, and that is what you are. But if I created you, then I am your master, not the other way around. And you will only come out of your corner if and when I say so. Is that clear?"
Silence.
"Is that clear!" he yelled, just as the door to the outside flew open and Senn and Hunter rushed in, followed by Wrecker and Omega.
"Tech," Hunter said, staring at him with wide eyes. Omega had her hand over her mouth in horror.
Tech looked down. His clothes were covered in blood. "It's Phee's," he said, his voice a husk. "She was bleeding…."
Senn knelt before him. "Are you all right?"
No, he wanted to say, but he knew Senn was referring to his hold on the Shadow. Tech nodded. He was gone. For now.
Senn looked to Wrecker, who stood mutely at the door. "Wrecker, can you get him some clean clothes?"
"Yeah, yeah, I can do that." Once again, they heard the whine of the speeder as it zipped away.
"Any word?" Hunter said.
Tech was shaking his head when the exam room door opened. AZ, who'd been working as a medical assistant to Dr. Xo, floated out. They all stood and waited for the droid to speak.
"I have news. Your daughter has been born," he said to Tech, who seemed to sag with the words. Senn steadied him with a hand on his arm.
"Are they all right? What is happening, AZ?" Tech demanded.
"Your daughter is otherwise healthy, but we are working to stabilize her vitals. Mistress Phee has lost a considerable amount of blood, and Dr. Xo is beginning the plasma transfusion."
"Will they be okay? I want to see them!"
"Not yet. You must let us do our work so your wife and child have the best chance for recovery. I must get back now to help the doctor, but I will keep you updated as often as I can." With that, the droid spun around and went back into the exam room and shut the door.
Tech wandered back to the chair and fell into it. He felt like he was falling again, and there was no telling when he'd hit the ground. Omega sat on the floor at his feet and took his hand, and he held fast to the anchor she provided.
7.
Inch by inch, Phee pulled herself up from the abyss.
Her arms were scratched, her fingers bleeding. Every muscle trembled with fatigue. Sweat poured from her skin, soaking her clothes. But she kept going, knowing her goal was near.
Finally, after minutes or hours, she approached the shadow that was the cave. She reached the lip of the entrance and let herself fall into it, lying on the stone floor and heaving with weariness. After a time, she unhooked her harness with trembling fingers, pulled a torch from her belt and shone the light into the darkness within.
It didn't go very far in. There, at the back of the cave, an alcove had been carved into the stone wall. And in the alcove, stood the Amber Idol, gleaming in her torchlight.
Could it be this easy? She approached the alcove, her steps echoing in the cave. As she drew near, she saw that the Idol was about two handspans tall, made of an amber-colored jewel. It was in the form of a woman with exaggerated curves: wide hips, large breasts, and a round belly suggesting pregnancy. From her studies, she knew it to be an artifact that depicted a fertility goddess.
A few feet from the alcove she stopped, looking around her. There was no barrier, no force-field, no booby-trap that she could see. Just the Idol shining in the torchlight.
She slowly stepped forward and reached out a hand.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," a voice said behind her.
She whipped around, unsheathing her blade at her thigh, shining the torch back toward the entrance. The voice was familiar, but she couldn't believe it. She peered into the darkness at the figure standing there, and when the light found the face attached to the voice, she nearly dropped the torch in shock.
Her father stood there.
"Dad? What—I don't understand," she stammered.
"Hello, Phee. I've missed you." He smiled, the same gentle, loving smile she remembered.
She shook her head. "You're not real. You're a trick." Her father had died in the fire over a year ago. And she didn't believe in ghosts.
He tilted his head at her, still smiling. "Perhaps. I am what you need to see right now. What you need to confront."
"Confront? What do you mean?"
"Before you can claim the Idol, you must first look into your heart."
"Uh, okay. And do what, exactly?" It was so strange, talking to her father again, in this cave, on this far away planet. But it was also kind of wonderful.
"To see what it is you truly desire."
She pointed to the Idol in the alcove. "I want the Amber Idol. Why else would I be here?" She looked at her father plaintively. "I found it, Dad. I found it! Remember how we used to talk about it when I was a girl? How I promised you I'd find it someday?" She yearned for his praise. For his approval.
He laughed good-naturedly. "I do remember. You were always so determined and focused. Clever, too. I knew you would find it, Phee. I'm proud of you."
She beamed. "Then I can take it?" Whatever this was, she knew it was a test. This wasn't her father. It couldn't be. But she'd play the game nonetheless.
He crossed his arms and looked at her thoughtfully. "What if I say yes? Then what?"
"Then I'll take it. Sell it for whatever I can and pay for Xander's schooling, and my own, too, if there's enough. I think there will be more than enough," she said, looking back at the Idol. It would fetch an amazing price. "Look, I know you would want it in a museum," she went on, "but I can get so much more for it on the black market. Now that you and Mom are gone, it's….been hard. I have to do what I must, for Xander and me."
Her father nodded. "I understand. Xander will have his own path to follow. And so will you, Phee. Be sure you follow your own heart."
"Meaning?"
"How did you feel, researching and deciphering this mystery? How did you feel when you dropped off the edge of the cliff and rappelled down its surface? How did you feel when you nearly died in pursuit of your goal?"
Phee opened her mouth to answer, but hesitated. The first answer that came to mind was "afraid." But after a moment's thought, she replied, "Alive. Filled with purpose. Excited."
"And will you find those things behind a desk? In front of a classroom? Don't get me wrong; teaching is a noble and fulfilling profession. It filled me with purpose. But will it do the same for you?"
"I….I wanted to be like you. To follow in your footsteps. To make you proud." When he was alive, but especially after he was gone. She'd felt it was her duty to continue what he did.
"Oh, my darling Phee. I will always be proud of you. But what will put my soul at peace is to know that you are doing what makes you happy and fulfilled."
Phee put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. "You mean being a treasure-hunter? A….pirate?"
Her father shrugged. "Semantics. Your true path will lead to good things. Service. Love. Family." He winked, as he often did when she was a child. "Trust me on this."
She suddenly found herself holding back tears. "I miss you, Dad."
"I know. Take the Idol. It will bring you to your destiny."
She nodded and turned to the alcove. She reached and grasped the Idol, glinting in the torchlight. As soon as she pulled it from the alcove, a deep shudder began in the cave. Rocks and pebbles fell from the ceiling, and she lost her footing as the shuddering increased.
She turned to her father in panic. "Hey, I thought I passed the test!"
He quirked an eyebrow. "I never said anything about a test. I just wanted to make sure you were clear on your motives. You better get out of here."
"Dad!" But he was gone, and the cave was becoming unstable. She had to get out of here before she got trapped. She ran to the cave entrance, slipped the Idol into her bag that hung over her shoulder, and quickly strapped on her harness. Rocks were pelting her, bigger ones that hurt, and once the harness was on, she jumped for the rope and hooked it on.
I have the jewel. I have it, she thought with relief. But looking up, as rocks hurtled toward her from above, she knew she still had a long way to go.
8.
Tech had always felt uncomfortable around human babies. Any babies, really. Creatures of pure need, unable to communicate except by screaming, their bodily functions not under their control….well, he didn't know what to do with such beings.
But as he sat in the recovery room with his child in his arms, he fell completely, utterly in love.
Oh, he was still scared. Terrified, to be honest. He had no idea how to take care of this tiny person. But he would learn. He was good at learning. Gazing at the little face that looked blindly up at him, he knew he would do anything for her. Anything.
Even let me out to protect her? the Shadow said. It had been silent since the night of Jewel's birth a few days ago.
"I'm more than capable of protecting her myself," he said, pausing in his gentle rocking of the baby. "Remember what I said. Now go away." But he admitted to himself that the thought had occurred to him. If he could control the Shadow, in extreme situations….
He pushed the thought away, focusing on his daughter. She was content for now, squirming and burbling in his arms. A tiny hand curled around his finger.
"I will take care of you, my Jewel," he said to his child. "Until your mother wakes up, and then we will both take care of you." He glanced over at the bed in which Phee lay, still unconscious, monitors beeping softly in the quiet of the room. Dr. Xo said that it could take a few days for her to wake up; the loss of blood, and then the fever afterward, had been hard on her system.
"Do not worry, she will wake up soon." Please. Please let her wake up.
9.
Phee climbed. And climbed. And climbed.
She barely had any strength left. Her arms felt like wet noodles. Every part of her body hurt. And rocks continued to fall from the face of the cliff, pelting her every step of the way.
She could see the top of the cliff. It might as well have been light years away. But she kept climbing. I have the jewel. I have to make it. No matter what it takes, no matter how much it hurts.
The heat of the sun high in the sky beat down on her. Sweat poured off her. Her skin burned. She was hot, so hot….
Finally, hours, days, years later, she came to the edge of the cliff. After a mighty pull that took every last ounce of her energy, she clawed her way over the edge and rolled. She lay on the ground heaving, clutching the Idol in the bag to her chest. It would go into a museum in honor of her father, and she would take whatever they would give her for it. It would be enough for Xander to continue his studies.
And she—she would go forth into the galaxy and find other treasures.
Her eyes closed. She was so tired. Time seemed to stop for a while.
10.
When she opened her eyes again, she was on a bed in Dr. Xo's treatment room. Someone held her hand. She looked over.
Tech was in a chair next to her, his head down on the bed, his hand clutching hers. Slowly, she reached her other hand over and touched the top of his head, caressing his hair.
He looked up suddenly, his tired eyes wide. "Phee," he breathed. He kissed her hand, pressed it to his cheek. "Thank the Force," he said. She'd never heard him say that before.
"Hey, baby." Her voice was thready, and she felt like a rancor had stomped on her. For a confused moment, she thought it was because of the arduous climb she'd just performed, finding the jewel…the jewel….
Her hand brushed her stomach. Where was her Jewel? She tried to rise, in a panic. "Where is she? Where's our baby? Is she-"
"She is fine, my love," Tech said, taking her hand in both of his. "She is all right. She is sleeping." He looked over to the corner of the room, where a round cradle held a small bundle.
"I want to see her. Let me see her," she cried.
"All right, love," he said, soothing her.
She watched as he bent over the cradle and gently picked up their baby, murmuring softly to her as she stirred. "There now. Are you ready to meet your mother?"
"Well, aren't you the expert?" she teased, impressed with how confident he was in holding her. "How long have I been out?"
"A few days." He carefully placed their daughter in her arms as she sat up gingerly.
She'd never held a baby before. It felt awkward but also right. As she looked into the tiny face of their child, she laughed out loud.
"Oh Tech, look what we did!"
"She is quite perfect, isn't she?" he said appraisingly.
They spent some time exclaiming over the baby's tiny nose, the exquisiteness of the eyelashes on her closed lids, the utter wonder of her fingers and toes.
"Oh yes," she said. "I made the right choice."
"What choice?" Tech asked, tearing his gaze away from Jewel.
Phee smiled. "Did I ever tell you about my very first quest?"
"I do not think so."
"Well, have I got a story for you." She addressed the baby in her arms. "So there I was, hanging by a thread from the tallest cliff face in the galaxy…."