Welcome to DRAGON BALL ALL-TIME! An improvised story, written by two different writers! Please enjoy, if you follow along!
[EPISODE ONE - BEGIN]
[WRITER 1]
On today's episode of DRAGON BALL ALL-TIME, we have our first meeting with the one they call Ningen, a human, as the name suggests! He's a man whose fighting skills are more average than his appearance might let on, as he's quite the character. With a spiky blue mohawk that has a red bandanna tied underneath it, his soft and exuberant eyes lay lighthearted determination with his typical smile, the man proud of his red colored "fighting pajamas" that look pretty much exactly as described - a fighting gi that resembles pajamas.
However, despite the silly demeanor and at times goofy attitude, Ningen is actually quite the self reflector with not much in the self esteem department. Having been mentored by a holy fighting figure as a boy, he was taught that the state of enlightenment was something important, but it was never something he quite understood the exact meaning of, believing that once he understands, his self-doubts may end. Over years and years, he's chased what exactly it even means to be enlightened and to act purely on instinct, and now, he's at his wits end. In an effort to find the answer to enlightenment through the universal language of combat, Ningen has vowed to undergo precisely 1,000 battles to search for that and other esoteric answers from as many varied minds as possible by challenging foes of any and every race and gender across every and any place in space or point in time, or else he would give up his dreams entirely and quit being a warrior. He has a similar heart and motivation to that of someone like Son Goku, but instead of fighting for self betterment, it's almost like he's fighting for self validation. If he, a human, can't be strong like the individuals and entire species who may be gifted with natural talent, then what is he at all?
However, stepping back a bit, it's important to note that that 'point in time' descriptor is important here, as the young man found himself in Conton City, the home of the Time Patrol and many of the strongest combatants across all of space and time - a perfect place to enact his goal of learning from as many as possible through battle. Though, here, he would come to a stand still... After losing 99 consecutive fights... He, with a sting in his heart, was disheartened and thus decided to shorten his goal of 1,000 battles to only 100, if he were to lose again. So, in Conton City, he wants his potential final opponent to be someone truly worthy.
"...Someone, anyone, please! I'll cook my best pasta recipe for ya' if you win!
...Or to be anyone at all, really. In Conton City's main plaza, Ningen stood with a cardboard sign that read "FIGHT ME PLZ", waving it around to all passersby like he were a hobo looking for change. "Hey, you look strong, c'mon!" That might've actually been accurate, considering his gnarly scent.
Despite all passing Time Patrollers themselves being warriors, no one was interested since they had actual responsibilities to get up to, aaaand the guy smelled funny. Everyone just passed by with a look of disgust.
"Aha, I got it, you must all think you'll lose!" Ningen proclaims. "..."
He looked like he was about to cry. "Please, anybody...! I gotta know if I'm good enough to keep going...!" Not good enough to stop focusing on validation long enough to take a shower, apparently.
[WRITER 2]
Among the many passing patrollers, a woman remained in place, carefully paying attention to the smelly man's plea.
"Hmm... Maybe they're not too into the idea of someone stinky cooking their pasta?" She shakes her head. Food wasn't the concern right now.
"Hi, uhm... May I ask why have you been standing there asking for a fight for so long?"
[WRITER 1]
"I'll never be a winner...! It's over...!"
Tears sat on the edge of Ningen's skin. He was about to burst out into-
"Winner!" Nevermind. "Hey there, miss!" As soon as anyone stopped to take a look at what he was doing, he snapped back into gear. "Yes, I'm offering fights for cooking! Why, you ask?"
"..."
He can't just say his self worth depends on it.
"My self worth depends on it." Nevermind, again. "Please... I keep losing... I need to win...! I told myself I'd be in a journey to 1,000 battles, but I've lost every single one so far! I just... I just needed to come some place where the real fighters are and see if I can win one, or else I quit! Please!" That's a lot to throw at a stranger...
"But yeah I cook a mean lasagna though." He says. "Veggie based. I'm vegan."
[WRITER 2]
"Uhm...! A thousand battles? That's a bit too much of battling, I think..." The woman scratches the back of her head.
"...But maybe I could help? I was told recently by my boss that I oughta start training harder if I was to maintain my position as an Elite Time Patroller!" She declares proudly.
"uhm we're sorta required to exclaim it anytime we talk about our Elite Status!- sorry"
"..."
"Ahem, in any case, u-uh, I think a quick spar would be swell, yeah! Unless you'd rather face someone stronger than me, that is."
[WRITER 1]
An Elite Time Patroller! Ningen had to be ecstatic! He could prove himself against someone truly worthy! "Wuzzat?" Nevermind, again again. How much did he even know about the place he was in, anyway? "I don't really care too much about status, I just want a good time!"
"Psst, hey..." From afar, some of those passing Patrollers start to whisper as the woman stays with the mohawk-having man. "Isn't that the Elite Majin Time Patroller, Stracciatella...? What's she doing talking to that weird hobo, of all people?"
"O-oh, no...! Maybe he's charmed her! We have to report this, there'll be contamination in the Patrol!"
"Gah, we gotta go!"
Whisperings start to quickly spread. Ningen looks all around, a clueless smile on his face as he thinks, "They must all like my mohawk..." He spiked it up with pasta grease.
"Anyway, that'd be great! We'll probably have to go somewhere else beyond the city, but..." Ningen bows, and then extends his hand to the apparent Elite. "I was taught ta' greet everybody with a handshake and a smile, even if we're about to play fisties! My name's Ningen. What's yours?"
There didn't seem to be any ulterior motive, or suspicion like the whispers. His greeting and smile were more pleasant and genuine than pretty much any fragrance, which helped make the smell tolerable.
[WRITER 2]
"My name is Stracciatella! Or Straccia, for short." The Elite shook Ningen's hand with a smile of her own. "And yeah, I agree on fighting on some other place. Even if we wanted, we can't squabble in the middle of the city, it's on the rules."
[WRITER 1]
"Eh...? That's kinda hard to say..." Ningen's tiny brain laments. "I'm definitely goin' with Straccia!"
However, a name he didn't have trouble pronouncing was, "Kinto'un!" With a shout, he called into the air. Soon after, a yellow cloud came tumbling from the sky, flying with a gold trail behind it before stopping at Ningen and Straccia's location. He pats the puffy cloud like a seat, saying, "This here's my cloud! I had it since I was real young, far back as I can remember. It'll take us where we need to go!-"
Ningen jumps up to sit on it, but he falls through the cloud, landing on his butt. "Ow! What's the big idea, man?!" He slaps at the cloud, sighing before saying, "Only those with a pure heart can ride it! Though, I think that's baloney since sometimes I can ride it, sometimes I can't... I don't get it! I'm a pure dude, dude!"
After finishing his tirade and taking a deep breath to relieve his frustration, he tries again and succeeds. He smiles, patting the thing again before offering a hand to Straccia. "C'mon! There's room for two. If ya' fall, don't worry, I can just carry ya'!" He flexes to show his strength. You couldn't really see much muscle through his puffy fighting pajamas, though.
[WRITER 2]
"Oh, a floating cloud?- wait, all clouds float... Uh, okie-dokie!" Straccia giggles, taking Ningen's hand and sitting on the yellow cloud without issue.
"Let's go!"
[WRITER 1]
Soon after Straccia got on the nimbus, the two were off to the skies and eventually, off to a grassy plain near a riverside at the limits of the city.
"Y'know, you might be one of the first folks I've rode with who can actually sit on this thing! It almost feels weird not having to carry somebody..." Ningen says, adjusting himself on the cloud. "Maybe after we kick each other's butts, I can properly introduce you to my cloud? He's a cool dude!"
The nimbus was blushing from being sat on by two people. "He's a weirdo sometimes, though." Ningen says with a shrug, before hopping off and landing feet first into the grass below. "C'mon! Let's get punchin'!"
[WRITER 2]
"Oh, huh? I thought you'd have run into more pure hearted people with all the battling you've done so far..." Straccia comments, rolling off the cloud and bouncing on the ground, trying to warmup a little bit.
"Okie-dokie, let's tumble! Rumble! Fumble...? I'm not sure what's the right word." Straccia giggles and finishes stretching, ready to face Ningen.
[WRITER 1]
"Well, not too many of 'em wanna hang out and ride my cloud... No idea why that could be..." The call of a shower rings near. "Anyway, I ain't too sure either!"
"..."
Ningen was raring to go! Or... Was he? "Crap, what stance should I take?" Usually, a fighter such as himself in the place they call the Dragon World would be excited to test themselves. However, Ningen seemed to keep shifting himself, trying to find the right footing as he incoherently muttered to his own shaky expression. "If I really do lose, I gotta quit..." He murmurs. "But what's after that...? There's nothing to do in this world but fight...!"
He started having second thoughts, but he saw his flying nimbus floating behind Straccia. Like he'd mentioned, supposedly, he'd had the thing as far as back as he could remember, and as he just mentioned to himself, the art of battle has likely been with him just as long. "...Nah, I just won't lose, then...!" He had to flip the cup and see it as half full instead of half empty, in a certain way.
The man takes a deep breath, fading into his fighting pose.
Ningen Battle Count: 100/1000
VS. Stracciatella
It's all on the line! If he were to lose, then those remaining 900 fights of his would be forfeit! "Let's... Start!" But he still clenched himself, waiting for his Majin competitor to make the first move.
[WRITER 2]
"Yeah, let's start!"
Straccia ran at Ningen, and then dove, curling up to hit him like a cannonball.
[WRITER 1]
"...!"
Ningen prepares to block!-
"WAAAAAHOHOHOOOO-"
Or, instead, he ragdolls a flaccid pancake getting caught in a hurricane, swirling around in the air before crashing down in the nearby river.
Ningen Battle Count: 100/1000
W: 00
L: 99 - 100
The power gap was palpable. Stracciatella was an Elite Majin Time Patroller, supposedly. "Aaaaah..." Seeing Ningen unconscious in the water and floating in it like a chewed up leaf, even his nimbus had to leave. The sight was too damning.
[WRITER 2]
"OhmigoshimsosorryIthoughtyouwereready?" Straccia runs at Ningen again, now pulling him off the river.
"Hey? Ningen?"
She stares down at the pathetic wet cat of a man laying down in front of her.
"Are you okay...?"
[WRITER 1]
"Mmmmnnnnghhhhgjgjgjg..."
The pathetic wet cat of a man coughs up water, eyes closed as he flops around in his unconscious state, similar in appearance to the actual flopping fish that got caught in his boot.
"Noooo... I woooon... Mmnnnghhhhhh..." He was out of it. "Only a handful of spaghetti slow cooked in tomato sauce can save me now... Aah..." Coughing up water, pasta noodles seem to conveniently drop from his soggy pockets.
[WRITER 2]
"?"
Straccia turns Ningen on his side, while carefully picking up the noodles.
"Ew... They're... H-how long have you had these in your pockets...?" She stares at the raw? cooked? Wet. The wet noodles that came from Ningen's pockets.
"Do you eat them like this...? Or... Because I don't see any pot to throw them in or something..."
[WRITER 1]
"Trust me they're good... Aaah..." Truly the ramblings of a broken, supposedly unconscious man.
[WRITER 2]
"O...kay...? Buckle up, here comes the plane...!"
She quickly stuffs the pasta into the man's mouth.
"Yum yum yum...?"
[WRITER 1]
"Mmm yum yum yum"
Ningen immediately sits up. "You should have some, too!" He jovially suggests, looking at Stracciatella. "...Oh..." However, upon seeing her face again, he's reminded of his reality, if the lingering sting of the hit weren't enough to do so. The man spits out a final batch of water, looking down at the waving grass. Somehow, its green lacked color to him. "...I lost, didn't I...?" He holds his head in his hands. "The win/loss counter said so...!" The man sniffles, lamenting his self awareness.
"Aaaagh, what am I gonna do now...? Who am I gonna be now? The only way to understand anything in this life is to be a fighter!" He rubs his temples with a frown. "It's all over...!"
[WRITER 2]
"Huh? What counter? I thought you were the one keeping count!" Straccia scratches her head.
"Hm... Well, if you think you lost, you should move onto the next fight, right? Thousand fights?"
[WRITER 1]
"No, I can't...! Didn't you hear me...? I wanted to make it to 1,000 fights, but I kept losing, making that goal seem even more pointless... So I decided to shorten it to 100..." His shoulders slump as he peers down again. "...And that was my 100th..."
"I said that by the end of my journey, if I didn't understand all those things my teacher tried to tell me, like what it really meant to be a mindful and enlightened warrior, then I'd quit altogether..." The man grips the grass. "...Well, if I was ever a 'warrior' in the first place, I gotta honor that... You have to have 'pride' as a warrior, or whatever..." He scowls, though. Why did that 'pride' make him feel so bad? Isn't it meant to be the opposite? "..." Perhaps it was something else.
"Well, what'll I be now...?" Ningen takes a look around, his mind in a daze. Though, his mind was present enough to remind him of something still. "Oh, yeah, I did say that if ya' won, I'd cook you something..."
In his scans, he spotted the river. "Wanna help me catch a fish to cook? Maybe I can be a fisherman instead of a fighter..." He starts to stand up, smiling. "Yeah, 1,000 fishes instead of 1,000 fights! Yeah, let's do- Ah!" Getting up so quickly made the sting he felt begin to act up, the wet cat of a man almost falling into the water again.
[WRITER 2]
"Whoops, watch out!" Straccia stretches her arm to catch Ningen, pulling the back of his gi.
"Well, I mean... A hundred battles isn't the same as a thousand, I don't think you're being fair to yourself by forcing your journey to be so short..." She comments, feeling bad for the failed warrior.
[WRITER 1]
Ningen goes quiet for a second, but he just shakes his head. "Whatever, it don't matter now... Since I'm a fisherman. No more fighting." He says, as he begins to unstrap the power pole that was tied to his back. He takes it out of its sheath, using the small bit of rope that was tied around it to attach a few of his soggy noodles to the end of the pole. "And as my first act as a fisherman, I'm gonna catch ya' somethin' good!"
He slings the end of the pole into the water, using the noodle as bait. "Trust me, it's gonna be a big one..." The river was pretty much an oversized puddle.
[WRITER 2]
"Hm..." Straccia doesn't insist for now, sitting down next to Ningen.
"So... Mister Thousand Fishes, erm... What does fish taste like?" She asks, tilting her head.
[WRITER 1]
"It tastes like..."
"..."
Ningen just remembered something. "Awh, crap!" His shoulders slump. "I ain't never tasted it, since I'm vegan!" He did tell her that earlier. "I can't cook you no fish! Though..." He puts a hand on his chin in thought. "Maybe if I can catch one, maybe it can tell me where some good tomatoes are nearby... I've always been good at talkin' to animals." He seemed certain in that.
"The fishin' shall continue, but this time, for tomato soup!" He says, wiggling the noodle a little more. "Yep, I could get used to this... No more fighting... Just fishin'..."
"..."
Absolute silence from the water.
"Could you, uhm, try helpin' me out...?"
[WRITER 2]
"Sure, what do I do?" Straccia smiles, looking down at the river.
"I've never gone fishing before... Hmm... Maybe I could be the bait? I'm not sure if fish like noodles..." She suggests.
[WRITER 1]
"Eh, you? How would that work? Hmm..." He taps his chin. "Okay, let's do it!" That was quick.
Ningen unties the noodle from his pole, instead tying it around Straccia now. "This is real genius, y'know? Fish love girls!"
[WRITER 2]
"Yipee! I'll be a real fish magnet, no one will resist swimming up to me!" Straccia seems proud of her idea, smiling at Ningen before jumping into the river.
[WRITER 1]
"Lemme know how it goes!" Ningen says, watching Straccia go into the water where she literally couldn't speak. "Maybe this whole fishin' thing is good after all..."
Upon entering the water, Stracciatella would be able to see a certain sight, if she were able to keep her eyes open long enough.
"(fish noises fish fish fish)"
Inside the river, there were a few fish poking at one of Ningen's boots that fell off when he landed in the thing. However, the splash of Straccia landing in the water made the sea creatures turn. "(fish noise fish noise)"
"(in love fish noise in love fish noise)"
The beady eyes of the fish turn into hearts as they zoom over to Straccia. Fish love women.
"Ohh!" Ningen sees the bubbles immediately, getting giddy. "I told ya', I know my animals!"
[WRITER 2]
The fish bubbles are quickly joined by a second set of bubbles coming from Straccia, as she'd start tugging at the noodle so Ningen would take her out of the water.
[WRITER 1]
"Aha, gotcha!" Ningen gets the signal, yanking at his pole and snatching Straccia out of the water.
"(fiiish noise)" With the splash of her came a few jumping fish, each of them landing in the grass and flipping around. "Haha, booyah! Nice job, Straccia!"
The man grins gleefully before picking one of the fish, looking at it face to face. "Yo, it's me, Ningen! What's your name?"
"(fish noises fish)"
"Ehh...?" Ningen leans his ear in, raising an eyebrow. "You want... Majin girl feet pics? What does that even mean? Feet look funny!" He responds, shaking his head. "I know it must suck being out of the water, but I'll put ya' back quick! Before I do, can you tell me and my acquaintance where some nearby grown tomatoes might be?"
"(fish noise fish noise)"
"Ohh, gotcha! Thanks!" Ningen smiles. "And don't worry, I'm sure those feet are somewhere in the sea!-"
"(fiiish)"
"A-ah! You must really want it!" The fish begins to flail, Ningen soon sending the scaly things back into the water. "Seeya!" Then, he turns to look at Straccia. He coughs. "Half of what they said I can't tell ya', but the other half was pretty helpful! There's loads of tasty veggies nearby! I know just the spot now!"
[WRITER 2]
"plbbtbtblblbplbttt" Straccia spits out a gallon of water back to the river.
"Wow, you actually understood what it was saying?" She chuckles. "Alright, let's get some veggies then!"
[WRITER 1]
And as Stracciatella said, the pair went to get some veggies. A few hours later, by a nearby clearing of bushes, Ningen was finishing up with his supposed roasting of tomatoes over a makeshift campfire, plucking them onto pointed sticks to make a tomato-only shish kabob. After that, he'd spread some of his noodles on them before holding one out to Straccia and saying, "Eat up!"
He takes his own advice first, though. Ningen gets quite a few mouthfuls of his own crunchy tomatoes before Straccia could even grab hers, beating on his chest and burping. "Whew!" The loudness of the act made a few nearby bugs, bees and squirrels in the plains squeal, zooming away from the horrid sight. "Aw, c'mon, it's alright, guys!" Ningen calls out, before slumping his shoulders and sighing. He looks at Stracciatella.
"Man, they didn't like that..." He mentions. "Yeah, I feel like I really can understand 'em, like you asked earlier. I didn't have much else apart from 'em growing up." He says, taking another bite.
[WRITER 2]
"Huh... You look human though..." Straccia ponders, gobbling up her own serving of roasted tomatoes. "Shou're tellph- tellphin' me shou dh-"
She pauses, beating her own chest to finish swallowing. "You're telling me you didn't grow up around humans?"
[WRITER 1]
"Yeah, I'm as human as they get it! And I'm proud of it!" Ningen says, grinning and holding up a finger in exclamation. "Sometimes I wish I was somethin' a bit more... Like you and other folks... You're just naturally tough. But... I guess it didn't matter if I'm not gonna be a... Fighter anymore, huh?" It sounded a bit like chewing plastic coming out of his mouth that time. The man shakes his head.
"But, uh, yeah... I didn't even know other folks like me existed for a while..." Ningen says, taking a bite as he peers to the small fire. "I'm from what I hear folks call 'Universe 6'. Apparently, the place where all the other humans stayed got wiped out in some big war. I don't really remember it since I was a baby, but apparently, I'm one of the last ones left. Boy, do I know that last part..." At that last comment, the man's eye thins as he slowly spins his food. "Everybody I ever met let me know that much. It's why I've got the name I've got. Folks would just call me 'human' since there weren't any others, so it just stuck. I was on my own."
Ningen observes one of his tomatoes, before taking a bite. "I think that's why I really liked animals growin' up. They wouldn't judge ya' like some folks, unless you did somethin' to 'em. That's how I like to roll."
[WRITER 2]
"Oh... But your planet... It eventually came back, right? I remember reading about it somewhere, why didn't you try to go back there? To see if you could connect with people like you?" Straccia asks.
[WRITER 1]
"Yeah, I found out about that when I came here... It wasn't like that, back in my... Time, or whatever..." He rubs his head. "This place confuses me...!"
Ningen sighs. "But, I'm not sure how interested I am in goin'. So what, if they look like me? They're not like me, any other kind of folk can be like me. Like somebody like you, y'know?" He says with a smile, chomping some more and swallowing. "You're one of the first folks I've met who actually wanted to try my cooking, so you're alright in my book!"
It was actually quite decent tasting, for what it was.
[WRITER 2]
"I get what you're saying then, yeah..." Straccia nods, chewing her tomato-flavored stick.
"I don't think you should abandon fighting." She comments out of a sudden, still chewing the stick.
[WRITER 1]
"Ehh...?" Ningen tilts his head, looking at her funny. "What makes you say that? Did my cooking impress ya' that much?"
He almost seemed to actually want that to be true.
[WRITER 2]
"Hehe, nope! I mean, it's kinda good, I've never tried out veggies, so I didn't expect them to..." She shakes her head to avoid getting sidetracked.
"So far in your fighting journey, have you met anyone that could be like you? In some way, at least?"
[WRITER 1]
"Well..." Ningen traces the dirt with one of his feet. "Not exactly, no. Comin' to this place is really the first time I've seen anybody that looks like me at all."
"But, other than that, nah... Not really..." He lingers on that for a second, before chuckling. "But... Maybe I don't want to. I was always told, and felt, that regular 'ole humans were weak. I just had a thought that... Maybe that's why I don't wanna go back to my own place, eh? I don't wanna see a bunch of folks like me and find out... That all that might be true." He looks down. "That... Me, and all the folks like me, already hit a peak... And I'll never be one of the big shots."
He takes a second and shakes his head, though. "Nah, nah... That... Doesn't matter, does it? I don't enjoy fightin' just to be strong... I wanna learn... I wanna learn what my teacher meant by 'instinct', gettin' rid of all thoughts in a fight... That's what would help me get rid of any doubt I might have, I just know it!" He clenches his fists. "That's what's gonna set me apart."
"What about you, eh?" He suddenly looks over. "Why're you even doin' any of this?"
[WRITER 2]
Straccia nods. "Just like I said then, I don't think you should give up yet..."
She turns to look at him, a bit surprised. "Me? I just like helping people. Have you ever seen someone that's doing not-so well, and just can't help but want to find a way to fix it?"
[WRITER 1]
"Of course!" Ningen says, before pausing. He tilts his head. "But you fight... Just to help people? Most folks only do it to get stronger..." He crosses his arms. "That's real interestin'..."
The man stops for a second, inhaling and exhaling. He looks at Stracciatella. "Y'know, maybe you're right... Maybe I should keep going..." He says. "Part of why I was upset is because I wasn't really learning anything, but... Today... I think I finally did .."
"I learned that folks can fight for reasons more than just for the thrill of the fight." He holds a fist out after that. "And I also learned... That I made a new friend!"
"Fist bump!" He nudges his fist. "Or, uh... High five!" He splays his hand. "Or a handshake..." He turns his hand sideways, then slumps. "Which one do ya' like?"
[WRITER 2]
Straccia smiles, glad to have convinced Ningen to not give up.
"I mostly do hugs, but... H-high five? Maybe?"
[WRITER 1]
"Pinkie hug!" Ningen presents his pinkie, and an ultimatum.
[WRITER 2]
Her face lights up with glee, sticking out her own pinkie. "Yay!"
[WRITER 1]
The greatest joining of pinkies of All-Time (nice) occurs. "Yeah!"
After that, Ningen rescinds the very same hand and grabs his tomato sticks again, taking a few chomps. "I guess I've just got to pick who I fight with more thought... Folks who I can really learn from, like you!-"
"(squeak)"
One of the squirrels from earlier starts to reappear, squawking as they run up a tree. "Eh?!" Ningen shoots his head over, furrowing his brows. "What'd you say about my pinkie hug?! Oh, it's on!"
Supposedly, he has an understanding of them. The man runs over.
Ningen Battle Count: 101/1000
VS. Squirrel
[WRITER 2]
"H-hey, wait! What are you even going to learn from a squirrel?" Straccia worriedly follows behind.
[WRITER 1]
Nothing, that's what.
"AUUUUGHAAAAH"
Ningen Battle Count: 101/1000
W: 00
L: 100 - 101
He went flying into the river again.
[EPISODE ONE - END]