Shayla was sure to listen to everything the doctors had to say so she could get out of the hospital as quickly as possible. She couldn't stand hospitals. She hated the way they smelled, the way the ambiance was set up to make it homier, she hated the way that everyone walked around in scrubs. She hated the way that they told her that she wouldn't be able to feel the IV in the back of her hand so she would be able to rest easily, but she could feel it. They told her that it wasn't solid so she would be able to move around, but she knew it was there.
She wanted to go take a shower, but the doctors had told her that she wasn't going to be able to shower until they were certain she wasn't going to get her staples wet. Apparently that was a bad thing. Of course, she didn't want to rust them out, but one would think that they'd find a way to keep them from rusting considering they were in her fucking head.
She was able to leave the next day, thankfully, after promising them a million times that she'd follow up with her cardiologist as soon as possible. She was thankful to Becky for bringing her a change of clothes since she had gotten blood all over the clothes. She stepped out of the hospital with a grin on her face. Clay was waiting in her car in front of the doors. She slid into the passenger seat and took a deep breath.
"I'm so glad to be out of there," she said leaning her head back. "I'm going to have to figure out how to shower with these staples." Clay hummed as he put the car in drive and drove towards the main street.
"I have something to tell you," he said quietly. Shayla felt a shock through her system. She was certain that her heart skipped a couple of beats. She had been through enough for the past twenty-four hours, she was over it. She didn't need anything else. Then she remembered the vote. Had they gone through with it? It was supposed to happen, but she landed herself in the hospital. Had they done it once they had left her for the evening? She felt herself swallow the million questions that tried to escape her mouth.
"There's nothing I can do about the vote," he confessed. "Once it's in motion there's nothing I can do. The vote will still happen and there's still a chance that you'll have to go back to Charming."
"Why are you telling me something that I already know?" she spat at him. She really didn't want to talk about the obvious, especially when she had no control over it. And apparently, neither did Clay.
In all her years of being around the club, she had never seen them go back on a vote, therefore she had never thought about them being able to cancel a vote.
"I spoke to your mother," he continued as he stared at the road ahead of them. Shayla watched him out of the corner of her eye. She felt her fingers bending almost to the point of breaking she was twisting them together so hard. "She made me realize something that I don't think I was ready to face." Shayla narrowed her eyes at him. She wasn't sure where he was going with is words and it was making her wary for what he was going to say next.
She heard him clear his throat a little. "You're not my little girl anymore." Shayla finally turned towards him fully, giving him her full attention. She had never expected to hear those words from him and the way he said it, it sounded like saying the words was like chewing on glass.
"I want you to understand that all this was to protect you. At least, what I thought was going to protect you. Sending you back to Charming was the only way I thought I could do it, but I was wrong. You're more than capable of taking care of yourself and making your own decisions." Shayla grinned at him as she settled back in her seat as she felt a wave of relief wash over her. She hadn't realized that but she had waited a long time for those exact words from Clay. Finally someone understood it.
"You're wrong," she said. Clay glanced at her but his gaze settled back onto the road. She leaned over a leaned her cheek against his shoulder. "I'll always be your little girl." Clay chuckled and reached his hand over and patted her knee.
"What about all this mess with that Tiki asshole?" she asked. Clay sighed.
"We've reached out for a meeting. It's going to be on a day where you're going to be at school for the day so we won't have to worry about you since you'll be around a lot of people," he said. She noticed that he was gripping the steering wheel harder, but she didn't mention anything. He was worried for her and he had every right to be. She was worried for herself. There was a little voice in the back of her head that was constantly whispering to her about what was lurking in the shadows. She could hear it, even then, whispering things to her. She went to look outside, but she felt a wave of anxiety wash over her as if someone was going to be just on the other side of the window to grab her, even though they were driving. She felt her fingers twist together painfully.
She also worried for her family and friends. She didn't want them to be going into anything completely blind. She wasn't sure what they knew about Tiki now. A lot could have happened overnight, especially if they had the Prospect in on the search. It was amazing what he could do with computers. Sometimes she thought that he was even better at it than she was.
"I don't want any of you to get hurt," she said looking down at her lap.
"I don't either, but you know that every last one of us would take a bullet for you," he said assuredly. She scoffed and shook her head.
"Promise me that you'll get out of there if you feel like it's a trap," she said.
"I promise."
Once they were back at the Clubhouse, she was surprised to see actual cars there. There were a lot of bikes in the parking lot, but that was to be expected since there were so many members from around the country currently crashing there.
When she walked in, there were cheers from various bikers.
"She's alive!" some yelled.
"She made it!" others screamed. She grinned and shook her head. Then she noticed that Clubhouse.
The Halloween decorations that she had been putting up when she had fallen had been put up. There were little skulls placed between liquor bottles behind the bar. There were black candle sticks with blood-red candles spread out on the bar. Each table had a black centerpiece with roses, spiders, and webbing. Dolls were hanging by their necks from the ceiling and plastic skeletons mounted to the walls. The garland she had been putting up when she had fallen had been finished. There was random creepy crawlies lying around, there was fake webbing on the backs of chairs. The place looked fantastic.
"What happened here?" she asked looking over to Clay. He grinned at her as he put an arm around her shoulders.
"We figured it would be a nice surprise for you to come back and see the place decorated for Halloween," he said. She looked around the room. There were people she didn't know that were sitting at tables drinking beer with people from SAMCRO and SAMTAC. She wondered who each of them were and where they were from. She couldn't wait to meet them all.
"You must be Shayla," a woman said approaching them. She was roughly Gemma's age and had long, blonde hair that was clearly from a box, but on her, it looked beautiful. She had bright green eyes and a lovely smile. She wore a simple T-shirt and jeans with a pair of tennis shoes. She walked up to Shayla with open arms. Shayla was caught off guard by the hug, but she welcomed it all the same. She smelled like freshly baked apple pie and the warmth of the hug was like a warm blanket on a winter night. "It's so great to finally meet you. I'm Susan. I'm Lee's Old Lady."
Shayla blinked a couple of times in surprise. She wasn't even aware that Lee had an Old Lady. She had been around him multiple times and she had never noticed a wedding ring on his finger, then again, there was a chance that they weren't even married.
"It's nice to meet you," Shayla said with a smile. Susan stood next to her and waved her arm out in front of them as if presenting the room to her.
"What do you think?" she asked.
"It looks wonderful," Shayla answered. "Did you do all this?"
"Well, I had some help, of course, but we thought it would be a good idea to have the place all done up for you when you got back." Shayla narrowed her eyes at the woman. Clay had moved away from them so he could go have a seat. Susan led her over to the bar and they sat down. Shayla looked for Happy, but he was nowhere to be found. Where could he have gotten off to?
He had stopped by that morning for a short time, and then had taken off. He was quieter than usual. His thoughts weren't on her and she wondered what was going on. That was when she noticed that Jax was missing as well. Tig was gone too. She didn't like it one bit. She felt anxiety grip her one more time.
"Do you really like the place? We worked hard on it," Susan said pulling Shayla back.
"Yes, I love it. But I do have to ask, why did you think this was necessary? I've never met you, never done anything for you…" Susan laughed causing Shayla to stop speaking.
"I'm not going to lie, I was a little skeptical about you coming here. Figured you were going to be a stuck-up little brat considering who your mother is." Shayla snorted. "But Lee talked about everything that you've done, or what you're trying to do." Shayla narrowed her eyes at the woman. She wasn't sure what she was getting at exactly.
"I don't follow," Shayla admitted. Susan took a quick breath before smiling.
"I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but Tacoma is very important to the club. We're one of the larger Charters here and we get a lot of shipments that go out across the country. We rely a lot on the brotherhood that the club has but along the way, we've lost it. We used to get together for holidays, which is why we still had all these Halloween decorations, but Travis put a stop to all that. We started losing that feeling of family. It put a rift in the charter. Now Travis is gone and it's all thanks to you."
Shayla frowned and felt her fingers twist in her lap again. Travis was dead because of her. He had been killed, no murdered. By Happy no less. She bit her lip. A man was dead because of her. She was the reason why he was no longer breathing. It was all her fault. She glanced over her shoulder. Looking for someone, anyone from home that she could go to for shelter. She needed to get away. The panic was setting in again.
Jesus, when was the last time she took her meds?
Where was Happy? Where was anyone?
"Are you okay?" Susan asked reaching out for her. Shayla stood quickly and backed away from Susan before she could be touched.
"I- I'm fine. Where's Happy?" she asked. "I need help washing my hair." It wasn't a lie. She was looking forward to a shower, but she needed someone there to make sure she wasn't going to get her staples wet. It was the perfect excuse to get away from the realization that Shayla was indirectly a murderer. She took a deep breath to force the realization back down to her gut, but it remained right on her gag reflex.
"Oi, luv," she heard Chibs say behind her. Shayla turned quickly. He was standing a little ways away from her, far enough to put some much-needed distance between her and Susan. Almost like he knew. Of course, he knew. He held out one of his arms to signal her to stand next to him. Shayla tried her best to calmly walk to Chibs, but she was certain that there was a noticeable hurry in her step. She went straight into his held-out arm and he put his arm over her shoulder as if to put a shield around her. "I know ya didn't wan' do any trainin', but gettin' outta it this way was a little extreme." Shayla rolled her eyes playfully and was completely grateful that he came and got her out of that situation.
Chibs looked to Susan with that kind smile that he was always so good at giving even though a lot of people tended to shy away from him upon noticing the Glasgow smile he had. "I'm just gonna take her ta her room and go over her discharge instructions." Susan nodded in understanding.
"It was wonderful to meet you, Shayla," she said.
"Yeah, same," Shayla answered quickly and let Chibs steer her toward the back. Shayla kept her eyes downcast so she didn't have to make eye contact with anyone. She missed the nod that Chibs and Clay exchanged as they disappeared in the hall leading back to the dorms. Chibs opened the door into Happy's room and Shayla took a quick, relaxing breath.
"Why haven' ya been takin' your meds?" he scolded her. She sat down on the edge of the bed and slid off her shoes. She ran the bottoms of her feet on the floor below her feet. She thought back to the last time she had taken her meds. When was that? She closed her eyes hoping that the motion would help her think.
"I was put into lockdown because of this whole Tiki thing. My meds are back at my house. I didn't even think about them. I was more worried about everything else." Chibs had put his hands on his hips like a disappointed parent as she spoke, but his hands slowly slid back to their place by his sides. He walked over to her and knelt down. He placed his hands on her thighs, close to her knees.
"I'm so sorry about all this, Sheleligh," he said quietly.
"Travis is dead because of me," she blurted out. She had to tell someone. It was eating at her and without her meds balancing everything out, it was overwhelming. She gripped the edges of the bed and squeezed her eyes shut. She wanted to cry, but she was done crying. She was stronger than that. She was better than that. She couldn't let anyone see that it was messing with her as much as it was.
"What makes you say tha'?" Chibs asked as he narrowed his eyes at her. Shayla licked her lips and then took another breath. Her heart with thudding so hard she thought she was going to have a fractured rib.
"I found out what Travis was doing because of Kozik and then Happy killed him. If I had kept my mouth shut then he would still be alive," she said hurriedly. She had to get it out of her. She had to speak her mind. She had to let all her worries be known by someone who cared about her.
Danvers would have been proud of her.
"If you woulda kept yer mouth shut, drugs woulda been going through Tacoma. The Charter would still be broken," he said making sure that Shayla was making eye contact with him. She looked at the clock on what she considered her nightstand in Happy's dorm as if it had become the most interesting thing in the world.
"I don't want to be responsible for bringing this Charter back together. I came here for my education, that's it," she said. Chibs shifted to where he could sit on the bed next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him and wanted to put her head on his shoulder, but she didn't want to upset her injury. It was going to be hard enough figuring out how to sleep.
"I know it's not yer responsibility, but you cannae deny that you've started this. It's already showin' throughout the club. Lee's the President now, they've appointed a new Sergeant at Arms. Everythin' is comin' together and it's all thanks to you," he said proudly. Shayla sighed.
"This is all very exhausting. I didn't expect to be afraid for my life when I came here. It was bad enough that my anxiety was through the roof because of me leaving everything I knew. Now I've had to leave my job, you tried to get me to leave my school, and I don't know what's going to happen anymore." She sighed and finally leaned her head against Chibs' shoulder.
"The choice to go back to Charming is still on the table," Chibs offered.
"I'm not going back. This is my choice. This is what I want. I'm not going to let some fucking douchebag change my mind just because I outed him," she spat. Chibs chuckled.
"There's my girl," he said and made a move to kiss the top of her head, but decided against it since her staples were there. Shayla hummed in question. "The reason why we were trying to get ya to go back ta Charming was because of how much ya backtracked. The night terror was the nail in the in coffin. We knew then that it would have been best for ya to go back to Charming. But I don' think it is. You're going to be just fine. We're all here for you. Ta protect ya. No matter what."
"I never backtracked, Chibs. I'm fine. It's been fine. I don't know why you all can't see that," she said lifting her head to look at him.
"I see tha' now," he said. "We're jus' protective of ya is all. We want you safe and we'll do anything in our power to make sure tha' happens," he said. She sighed.
"I know, but you all have to understand that I am not a little girl anymore. I'm more than capable of taking care of myself." Chibs sighed then grinned at her.
"Aye, tha' you are. Just kinda happened all the sudden." Shayla gave him a small smile. His eyes held a certain pain in them. Like the fact that Shayla being an adult now hurt his very soul. She always felt a similar pain when he spoke of his little girl that had been taken away from him.
She knew she was a type of surrogate and it helped to fill the void he had in his chest, but she would never be Kerrianne. She would never be able to fill that void completely. She leaned over and gave his cheek a gentle kiss.
"You know I'll always be your Sheleligh." Chibs chuckled. He reached over to pat her knee.
"None of this is your fault, luv. Please understand tha'." Shayla shook her head.
"All of this is my fault. Everything. Travis is dead because of me. A lot of members are going to be facing some harsh consequences. There's a rift in the club now and it's there because of me. That's why I am going to do everything I can to fix it." Chibs grinned.
"I know ya will," he said confidently.
It was going to take time for her to wrap her head around. She had never been responsible for someone's life in such a way. The closest to ending anyone's life she had ever come was when she had mixed some of her more potent meds with alcohol and blacked out. When she came to after a couple of days, they had told her that she went on a rampage and even pulled a knife on Tig.
No one would go into much detail about what had actually happened, but she was certain it was bad considering Tig wore a bandage on his forearm. No one looked at her any different when that had happened. No one seemed to walk on eggshells around her. She was grateful for it. It was a difficult time for her as it had been the anniversary of her kidnapping and while the label on her medication clearly stated not to mix with alcohol, she didn't know it wasn't going to be that bad.
She wanted that now. She didn't want anyone to act any different around her. She knew the situation and how dangerous it was for her, she didn't need their constant stares and looks of pity to add to the fuel that was her anxiety. There was nothing that Chibs was going to be able to say to make her feel better about being responsible for Travis' life. She knew the truth was that it was her fault and just because someone told her that it wasn't didn't change anything. Especially how she felt.
"Can I be alone? I need to meditate," Shayla asked. Chibs gave her a small smile. He reached out so he could pat her cheek a couple times before leaning over to kiss it.
"If you need anyone at all, you know where to find us," he offered her. He stood and walked out of the dorm so she could be left alone.