Sorry everyone. I really just lost the will to write for a while.

Two things before we start:

1. My author's notes in the last two background chapters advised they contained missing/bonus scenes from Part I that were designed to enhance the story a bit and fill in blanks, so if you noticed they felt like scenes put together at times, that's correct and why I gave the head's up. The remainder of the background chapters are a bit similar that way, just to let you know.

2. If you're finding slower paced, plot building/character enhancing material boring, you probably won't enjoy the rest of this story or Part III, which is definitely a bit slower paced. While I completely understand it is one opinion, I also really, sincerely don't want to waste anyone's time or bore anyone, so I'm being transparent with what is to come and will 100% understand if anyone decides to stop reading my work.

Happy reading, I hope. Part II is almost over.

Come Again by Thornley

I Need a Doctor by Dr. Dre ft. Skylar Grey & Eminem

Rain by Brian Tyler

2020

Verdun

Reset 260

Rita lay there in the dark trying to sleep, but it just wasn't coming for some reason. Memories kept spinning and swirling in her mind, and she was finding herself wanting to curl up into a tight ball and disappear. She felt stuck. She felt lost. She felt like nobody should be counting on her to win this war, even if it was only Travis because he was the only one who knew. How he had so much faith in her was beyond her understanding.

She was discovering that this must have been how Kenny felt after losing his team in Vietnam. No wonder he'd wanted to end his life. The guilt was just too much for her at times.

When morning came, she'd had fitful sleep. She didn't get up when Travis did. She didn't notice him stand over her and look concerned.

"Rita," he said gently, and she finally looked at him. "When is the last time you took a day off?"

She resisted laughing. How could she take a day off? What good would that do? He must have seen her face because he was hauling her up and giving her a slight shake.

"Come on now," he ordered. "Don't be like this."

"Like what?"

"Whatever the hell this is," he answered, letting her go. "Rita, you're scaring me."

She stared at him. She was good at scaring people apparently. She'd scared her father, Carol, Kenny, Luke, her son, an old boss, a student who came back for a book in her classroom, a child in a grocery store, drivers on the road, and now Travis, just to name a few. She'd always felt bad for scaring someone; it wasn't her intent to do so. All those times, she'd really just been trying to scare herself out of the feelings and back into normalcy.

"Just ignore me," she insisted. "I have to be this way in order to survive this."

"You have to be a robot? I don't think so," he argued. "Come on. Get dressed and meet me outside."

"We can't skip on war..."

"Today, we can," he interrupted. "Come on. Move it." He went out of the room, and Rita growled slightly. She did not have time for frivolousness. She did get dressed, but then she went out of her way to avoid Travis.

Unfortunately, he found her before she could slip into the armory to get ready.

"I don't think so," he said, catching her sleeve and pulling her away. "Come with me."

"I don't want to go to the beach again," she said firmly. If he was surprised, he didn't let on.

"Fine. Just come on."

She wondered where else he could take her since that beach was meaningful to him. She said nothing as they left, stealing a transport and vanishing from the base. She sat and stared at the dashboard as he flew.

"I almost died in a plane once," she stated.

"During a reset or...?" Travis trailed off, waiting.

"No, when I was 19. This guy had come to my farm to kill my father, and my boyfriend and I escaped with me fighting him the whole way because I did not want to leave my father. We ended up on a plane anyway with that guy, and then we almost died because he fought with us and Luke couldn't get it level again after killing him."

"Whoa," Travis said. "That...I did not expect that from you. I have so many questions."

"I don't feel like getting into my life again, sorry."

"Okay, just answer me this: How did you survive the plane crash?"

"We jumped out with parachutes before it did."

"Ah."

"I'm not really a fan of flying," Rita said truthfully. Her muscles were taut and sore as she said it. She was on edge and eager to land, just like she always was when she was on an aircraft. Even though she learned how to fly, it didn't take away that fear entirely.

"We're almost there," Travis promised. She stayed quiet, and he didn't press. When they did finally land, she felt surprised at where they were.

"Holland, right?" she asked, looking around.

"Yea. Chloe and I had a great holiday here once, and I always wanted to come back."

Rita didn't want to admit out loud that it was nice, but it was. She looked around as Travis walked on ahead down a trail. The sun was shining, and she could smell flowers. When they reached the top of the hill, she barely held in her gasp at the sight of the huge field of flowers spreading out before her.

"Breathtaking, isn't it?" Travis asked with a smile. She reluctantly nodded. It was. He walked down to be among them, gesturing for her to follow. He walked until they were about in the middle and then stopped. When he sat down and crossed his legs, she thought about challenging it but then decided it wasn't worth it. She really was tired, and maybe spending some time among nature's beauty would help her. Thank God the Mimics hadn't ravaged this place. Yet.

She sat and pulled her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knee.

"Tulips were Chloe's favorite," Travis said now, looking around. "She was in heaven here."

"I can't believe this is still intact," Rita replied.

"Maybe the Mimics are allergic to tulips," Travis suggested. "Hey, maybe that's the key to winning!"

"How? By making them all sneeze to death?" she asked sarcastically. A small hint of a smile was on her lips now, though.

"Hey, it got you to smile," he countered, nodding at her in recognition.

"I feel hopeless, Travis," she said a moment later. "I don't think we're going to win this."

"Not with that attitude."

"I'm being serious."

He sighed and shifted before looking at her again. She studied him, seeing how tired he looked and feeling jealous that he did not have to carry all these resets with him like she did.

"Then just focus on what you're feeling right now," he said finally. "Don't think about the war or your past or anything else. What do you feel in this very moment?"

Rita paused and looked out at the flowers. She listened to the wind and rustling of the petals against each other. She felt the sun's warm rays on her face and arms. She felt...at peace.

"There it is," Travis said, making her look at him again. "That's what I'm looking for."

"What?"

"Peace. Calm. Sereneness. You've just achieved it."

"It won't last for long," she started.

"But you can enjoy it until it ends," he cut in. She closed her mouth, feeling too tired to argue. "Things end in life, Rita, but sometimes we literally have to stop and smell the flowers or else we miss the entire point of being alive."

His words hit home, and she ground her jaw while trying not to cry.

"The problem is that I'm not living," she explained when she was able to control her emotions. "This whole thing that I'm doing here, it's not living. It's a loop, and it doesn't change."

"You're telling me you've had the exact same experience every single reset?" he challenged.

"Well, no..."

"Then you're still living," he insisted.

"Did you bring me here to argue with me?" she asked tiredly.

"No. I'm just trying to make you stop for a moment and find peace."

"Fine, then shut up for a minute and let me," she said childishly. He chuckled but kept quiet. She fell onto her back slowly, staring up at the sky and letting this experience take over. She reflected on her resets. She hadn't lied. Most of them had the same things happening for sure, but there were also different things.

Like seeing a shadow of a person and then never seeing it again.

Her stomach tightened at the memory, and she thought hard about it. Had she seen it again? She didn't remember. She'd been so focused on other things that she hadn't thought about it again. It puzzled her as to who it could be, though, if someone was stalking her. Unless it was Luke. Had he been here the whole time? She thought hard.

No. He wouldn't hide from her. She knew him; he'd be unable to help himself and would come talk to her. It was a mystery, and she didn't think she'd ever get the answer.

"I always wanted a little girl," Travis said suddenly, startling her out of her thoughts. "I imagined myself doing all the things a girl wants to do while also maybe teaching her how to get her hands dirty on engines."

"Girls get moody," Rita pointed out, and he scoffed lightly.

"I know, but can you blame them? Hormones, you know. And guys can be moody too."

"Ha, yea."

"I envisioned myself walking her down the aisle, becoming a grandpa, and having weekly lunches at our favorite cafe."

"I'm sorry it never happened."

"I know."

"You would have brought her here, right? And to the beach?"

"You bet."

"She would have loved it."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

She didn't have to look at him to know he was smiling. She smiled too. A little girl would be cute. She loved Brendan, but sometimes his stuff made her feel awkward and embarrassed and wishing he had a father to talk to about it. Then she beat herself up for being the one keeping him from his father.

As she lay there among the tulips, she felt a few tears leak down her cheeks. It was beautiful here, and she hated to leave it, but she remembered what Travis said—one had to live life and enjoy every moment before it was gone. She could do that...not until she was finished resetting, though. For now, she had to stay hard and emotionless. It was the only way she could survive.

"Travis?"

"Yea."

"Thank you for bringing me here today."

"You're welcome, Rita."

It was one of the hardest days to reset from.

Reset 275

The boys were sparring, and Rita wasn't sure why she was watching. It didn't make her smile anymore like it used to.

"Come on, Rita," Harvey cajoled. "Come fight with us!"

She looked at him, and suddenly, she did want to fight. She wanted to unleash everything that was pent up inside of her. Without a word, she got up and joined them on the training floor.

"Whoa! She's doing it!" Kamden exclaimed, shocked. Rita knew she didn't typically engage in this, but she wanted to hit something other than a Mimic. She was also angry at her team for not believing her. She'd made some halfhearted attempts to convince them over the last few resets and still got the same results.

"You're up, mate," Pete said to Harvey, who squared off in front of Rita now. She surveyed him, knowing what he was good and bad at in sparring. In reality, it was a bit unfair that she had this advantage, but she didn't care.

She lunged.

"Holy shit!" Pete exclaimed at her furiousness. Harvey barely held his own. Rita applied every skill Luke had ever taught her along with her training the last few hundred resets, and Harvey eventually went down. She stood over him, and he gaped up at her.

"Well hot damn!" he said with a laugh. "You're way tougher than I expected!"

"Who's next?" Rita asked, and Pete took a step back while Kamden shook his head.

"I'm good," he said.

"I'll go," Travis offered. Harvey hauled himself up and out of the way, taking Pete's hand in the end for a boost. Rita stood across from Travis and waited. She also knew how he fought. He surprised her, though, and it was as if he'd been hiding his true fighting self from everyone.

She let out a yell as he threw her down, and she suddenly felt like a teenager again, helpless and not in control. It angered her.

"Wow," Harvey said in awe. Rita breathed hard and looked up at Travis, who was waiting. She put all her weight on her upper back and hands on the floor and jumped up. She went at Travis again. She needed to not lose, needed to be in control...needed to feel like she could actually win this war.

She made him stagger, but he managed to get her onto the floor again. Her frustration grew, and she slammed her fist onto the floor before pushing herself back up again. She no longer understood why she was really doing this.

"That's a lot of rage," Kamden noted as she went at Travis again. When she finally did get him down, he took her with him. She managed to avoid getting pinned and instead got him in a chokehold with her leg.

"A'ight!" Travis called out, smacking his hand on the floor. "I give!"

She let him go, and she fell onto her back covered in sweat and wheezing from the effort but victorious.

"Feel better?" Travis asked her, and she looked at him. Had he known she just needed to let it out somewhere—all that anger and frustration? The truth was: it didn't really do a damn thing for her.

"No," she answered, getting up. She walked out, ignoring the calls from the men to come back. She just wanted to be alone.

Reset 280

"I can't do it anymore, Dad," Rita said in the dark. She was sitting on her rock, and she was so tired. Everything was the same now. Every reset was the same things said, done, and lost. She wasn't getting anywhere. She wasn't finding the Omega. She wasn't ending this war. It was feeling hopeless.

Can't is impossible, like uprooting a tree and throwing it into space. You're really saying you won't.

"I know," she answered. "But it feels impossible." Maybe she was insane. Maybe she had finally cracked and lost her damn mind. After all, she was sitting here talking to a dead person.

It feels impossible because you can't see the endgame.

"And what is the endgame? It's win or lose, and right now, I can only see us losing."

You don't know that.

"I need help," she said, her voice cracking. "I need someone who is resetting with me so I can save time explaining it all every single time."

Her father did not answer this time, and that was because Rita did not have an answer to conjure him saying. In the end, she just sat listening to the wind and wishing that all of this would be over soon.

Reset 284

Mum? Why did you lie?

Rita opened her eyes and tried to stop hearing the sound of her son's voice asking a question she didn't know how to answer. How could she explain all of it to him? He'd just look at the simple solution of "Just tell Dad" and not see the rest of it, but perhaps she should have just looked at that solution too. It probably would have saved a lot of heartache, or they all would have been killed.

And really, maybe that would have been better than the death they were all facing now. Rita didn't know anymore. She got out of bed and went for a run, unable to stop thinking about all the runs she went on with Luke. He'd pushed her until she was as fast as him (he'd never admit she was faster, which had always led to play fighting, which later had led to other things).

Rita ran hard now, tears streaming down her cheeks. She couldn't outrun her past. She couldn't outrun what was happening now. She felt like a hamster on a wheel, always running and never getting anywhere. When she finally stopped, she saw Farell stretching and getting ready to run himself.

"You're up early, soldier," he commented.

"Just wanted to get one last run in before we go today."

"Agreed."

She didn't answer, and he said nothing else. She went to get some water and cool down. She sat on her rock and watched the sun come up. When she heard everyone getting ready, that's when she met her team in the armory.

"You good?" Travis asked her.

"Yea," she lied. It wasn't worth getting into it anymore. She geared up and walked to their waiting transport. She rode along with her thoughts bouncing off the inside of her brain. She reacted when the aircraft got hit and dropped to the ground. She slashed and shot her way through Mimic after Mimic. She did her best to get to the cathedral.

She died once again.

Reset 290

The numbness was all through her now. She barely smiled. She barely acknowledged people. She tolerated Travis's questions and comments.

She wanted this to end.

Reset 293

"Come on," Travis said, pulling on her arm. "We need to talk."

Rita let him pull her along without saying a word. She was quiet on the flight, quiet when he landed near the beach, and quiet when they walked to sit in the sand.

"Okay," he said now. "Let it out."

"Let what out?"

"Everything. All of it. Lay it on me."

"I don't want to."

"Rita, you're like a shell of your former self," Travis said, sounding concerned. "You were guarded before, but this—this is a whole new level. I don't even recognize you."

"It's been too long," she said after a moment. "I've lost myself, Travis."

"You can get her back."

"I don't think so."

"Our true selves never fully disappear, Rita. Yours is in there; she's just buried under all this shit. Once you get the chance, you'll come back. I know it."

"I think I'm insane," Rita went on when he stopped. "I talk to my father, you know. He's dead, but I talk to him. I imagine Luke here and what he'd do or say if he was. I hear my son's voice talking to me as if he's standing right next to me."

"You're not insane."

"You don't know that."

"I think most insane people have completely lost touch with reality. You haven't."

"Pretty sure I have."

"How about we focus on something else for a little while," Travis suggested. "Just a little while."

"Like what?"

"Anything."

Rita thought about this. She stared at the waves, wondering why she couldn't get past her fear of water. Sure, she tolerated it now after swim lessons with Brendan, but she could easily do without it. She brought her mind back to Travis's idea. What could she talk about? She'd talked to him about almost everything; he just didn't remember it. Then, something hit her.

"I always wanted a brother," she said finally.

"Oh? How come?"

"I wanted someone who would have my back, want to have fun with me, and teach me things I didn't know." As she said it, she realized that Luke was all of that for her, but then he'd become the love of her life (well, he'd always had been since the moment she met him), and she'd thrown it away.

"Yea, being an only child does kind of stink," Travis agreed.

"I almost killed myself," she said now. She didn't say if it was more than once. She honestly wasn't sure if the other times counted as attempts. She'd dangled over the edge a few times, but something always brought her back. Always.

"You did?" There was no judgment in his voice. There wasn't even curiosity. It was a statement that implied he'd listen if she wanted to talk or was fine if she didn't.

"Yes," she said quietly. "Our neighbor, Keira, was only ten years old when she was murdered. I'd lost my horse not long before that, and earlier that year I was almost raped. Then my best friend tried to get with the love of my life while I was drowning in depression from it all."

"Well, that's a lot," Travis said compassionately. "So what stopped you?"

"I didn't want to leave Luke behind," she answered. "But in the end, that's exactly what I did."

"I don't know if you've already told me or not, but if you want to again, I'm listening."

Rita debated it, and in the end, she decided to. He listened to it all, and by the time she was finished (she had a good summary version now), he gave her an empathetic look and let out a soft sigh.

"You were doing what you thought was right for your son," he said finally. "And Luke. You thought you were saving him too."

"I should have just told him," Rita insisted. "I should have left the apartment, found him at work, and told him. He would have dealt with it."

"But Simon terrorized you for years; you were afraid of him and rightly so."

"Whose side are you on?" Rita asked, lifting a brow.

"I'm just saying that you can't beat yourself up for a decision you made in the past when at the time, it seemed like the right one to make."

"But it was the wrong choice..."

"That you thought was right."

Rita's head was hurting, and she felt a little bit annoyed. She didn't comment any further because she didn't know what else to say.

"You ever thought about telling him?"

"A million times."

"What stopped you?"

Rita thought about this answer. There were a few reasons, the main one being Simon. "I guess I just was afraid he'd never forgive me, and we'd be apart and more broken than we already were. I was afraid he'd be so angry that I kept his son from him. I was afraid Brendan would be angry at me and leave to be with Luke and never come back."

"What if he did forgive you?"

Rita had considered this before. "There's always Simon. I didn't want him to find me or Brendan. I still don't."

"But you went to see Luke in Jersey when Brendan was about six."

"I did."

"You must have felt a strong pull to do that."

"I...I did, but it was because Brendan had so many questions about his father that I was beginning to think I was crazy for keeping them apart."

"You ever consider that maybe Luke knows about him?"

Rita stared at Travis. That idea was definitely insane. She'd hidden herself very well; Luke wouldn't have found her if Simon couldn't.

"No," she said after a moment. "He didn't even know I was pregnant when I left."

"Hm," Travis mused, stroking his chin with his fingers thoughtfully.

"He doesn't know," Rita said a bit forcefully.

"Alright, I believe you."

Rita knew that if Luke had found out, he wouldn't have kept quiet about it. She had left no trail to be found anyway. No, he did not know about Brendan. Her skin still prickled, though. What if he did? She shook her head hard.

"We should reset," she said now. They couldn't waste any more time.

"Rita, promise me you'll tell him," Travis said now. She didn't tell him that she already had promised this or that his voice was stuck in there saying it on repeat almost.

"I don't think it'll change anything," she tried.

"You won't know until you try. Just promise me, Rita. Have the conversation with Luke. Okay?"

"Okay." It was easier to just go along with it than have him argue with her, but she'd never admit that she had hope for reconciliation because Travis had hope for it.

But she was probably never going to see Luke again anyway, so it didn't matter.

Reset 299

Rita went through the motions. She did not engage in any further heart to hearts with Travis. He'd said his piece, and she'd listened. Now it was stuck going in circles in her head. She had no idea how she'd react if she ever saw Luke again if she was honest. There were too many mixed up emotions chasing each other around in her heart and her head. Would she be angry? Would she cry? Would she be vulnerable? Would she be cold? There were so many different reactions that could come out of her.

But there was definitely a part of her deep inside that would be happy, and she knew she didn't deserve that after everything.

She watched her team get ready for war and secretly look at photos of their loved ones. She avoided eye contact and kept her jaw tight. Something about this reset felt different, though. It felt like the end was coming, and she couldn't explain why she was feeling this way. How would the end even come if she didn't defeat the Omega? She had everything down to a science that she would always die, so perhaps it was just her imagination trying to take off again.

She fought and killed Mimics. She saved her teammates until she and Travis broke off on their own. He was killed not long after, and she stood there alone and covered in blood feeling void of all emotions except for the ache in her heart at losing Travis.

She'd never told him, and she'd meant to on that last trip to the beach but chickened out. She'd never told him that she considered him to be a brother to her. In her heart, she felt it, and maybe he did too, but it was something she was keeping to herself.

If they both survived this war, then she'd tell him.

She turned her head to the left too late, and she was killed.