Soul: I'm taking this concept out of Soul's Brain Dumps for Naruto's birthday. Enjoy!

Rias' lil' Fishcakes

Chapter 01: A Little Detour

Rias Gremory, the Crimson-Haired Ruin Princess, slowly walked down the hallway leading to the banquet room where the engagement party was taking place. She was dressed in a flowing white dress with frills that showed just her shoulders and cleavage. With her vivid red hair, blue irises, and fair skin, she was beautiful in every way.

But her appearance did not match the sadness that was etched on her tear-stained face.

She and her incomplete Peerage had lost their first, yet unofficial, Rating Game against her "fiance", Riser Phenex. She, with her beloved Servants, had fought for her freedom from the contracted marriage agreement between the Houses of Gremory and Phenex. Rias had no interest in belonging to someone she didn't love, but unfortunately, the Devil Community as a whole was desperate to maintain the bloodlines of Pure Devils.

Rias and her Peerage had experience in combat, but not in Rating Games, especially against a more experienced team like Riser's Peerage. Even worse, as much as she loved her Servants, they all had yet to reach their true potential; whether they were new or had long-standing issues that had yet to be addressed.

Akeno with her issues of her Fallen Angel blood. Yumi with her hatred of Excalibur and Holy Swords. Koneko and her fear of her nekomata nature because of her sister. Gasper and his fear of her family…everything. Her new Pawn came with their own brand of baggage (and headaches), but nothing that held them back. But thankfully her new Bishop had no such issues.

Ultimately, they all did their best, even taking out most of Riser's Peerage, but Rias forfeited the Game when her Bishop was threatened and her Pawn was almost killed by Riser himself.

And now here she was, shuffling her feet in trying to prolong the inevitable; to attend the engagement party where family and friends celebrate Rias and Riser finally getting together. Sure everyone would wish them well before the wedding, but for Rias, it was pure Hell in an iconic fashion.

"What do I do? What can I do? I exhausted all options. How could this be allowed? This is no different from the Old Faction's ways." she mumbled to herself, trying to walk slower as she neared the door. "I don't love Riser…I never will. How can my family allow this?"

"This wouldn't have happened if you unsealed me before the Game." a gravelly voice resounded in her head.

"No!" Rias shouted, looking at the back of her hand that now had a green jewel with a Dragon eye. "I wanted to win with my Peerage and my own power! If I'd used you…"

"No Devil would fault you for it, partner. It's time you stop worrying about what ifs and use me to show that arrogant Devil who's boss."

"But…you won't be seen as my power…"

"You have had me since you were born, due to whomever was messing with God's System at the time. Shelf your pride, partner. Your power is not mine, but my power is yours…"

She stopped in front of the door leading into the huge banquet hall, where her fate would be sealed. She clenched her jeweled fist, the aura of her Power of Destruction burning around it.

"I…I-! Huh?"

She blinked as she felt a ping within herself that she recognized. It was the feeling of a personal contractor summoning her, requesting her services.

"Now, of all times?" she gasped. "But…"

Everyone was there, waiting for her, celebrating something she never wanted…

"...Even so…even so…" her sadness was replaced by a determined look. "As a Devil, all contracts take priority, especially for a King like me!"

"Time for a little detour then?"

"Exactly! Riser can wait!"

With that said, she projected her Gremory magic circle beneath herself and warped away in a flash of crimson light.

Rias reappeared in a forest clearing late at night to see the shinobi village of Konohagakure in the distance. Her eyes widened in shock, first at seeing the village billowing with smoke, then upon hearing a massive roar behind her. She whipped around to find two large furry fox-like creatures with orange fur and long limbs. She made contact with their red-slitted eyes before they disappeared towards the ground.

She ran forward and gasped, seeing a crying baby boy and girl with yellow-blonde and blushed whiskered cheeks in the arms of her contractor and fellow redhead, Uzumaki Kushina. While she was holding the babies, she was bleeding from her abdomen, and her lifeless husband Namikaze Minato was hugging her from behind.

"Kushina-san?! Minato-san?!" she cried, running to her contractor. "By the Maous, what happened?! Kushina-san!"

"Rias…" Kushina whispered. "I wasn't sure if you were going to show up…"

"Of course, I would! As Devils our contractors take high priority, but never mind that! What happened to you?! Did Kurama do this?!" Rias demanded, examining her fatal wounds.

"Yes, but it wasn't her fault. We were betrayed…by someone who we thought was long dead- guk-ack!" Kushina coughed up and handed her a scroll. "Here. This has everything you need, with their birthrights…"

"Birthright? Kushina-san, what are you asking me to do?" Rias as the babies were weakly handed to her. "What?"

"Minato's heart is in the right place, but I don't trust my babies' well-being with the village. And so, Rias-chan, my final wish, is for you to take care of my baby boy and girl, Naruto and Naruko, until they're ready for the world."

Rias was dumbstruck, looking between her dying contractee and her newborns. Of all the things to happen, this was the last thing on her mind. She was only 18 right now, in the last year of high school no less! "…Why me?" she asked weakly.

"You proved that…not all deals with Devils…are evil. And…our families…have history. But more importantly…I trust you, Rias-chan." Kushina smiled, cupping her cheek with a bloodied hand, before stroking little Naruto's cheek. "Take care, Naruto-chan, Naruko-chan. Naruto, grow up big and strong and find a nice girl or two. Naruko, boys will be falling at your feet. And when you both get big and strong… give Obito a good whack for what he did here. Mommy and daddy…love you both…so much…"

Kushina kissed them on the cheek, and with one last smile, Uzumaki Kushina passed away.

"Kushina-san…no," Rias murmured sadly, as both babies started crying. She slipped the scroll down her cleavage and held Naruto and Naruko, rocking them back and forth in her arms. "There, there, it's alright. I'm here. You have me now," She stood up and looked down at her former contractor. "Don't worry, Kushina-san. I'll try my best-!"

She then frowned when she saw a squad of shinobi landing near her, led by an old man in black shinobi battle armor. The Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen.

"Minato. Kushina," he murmured before eying Rias. "You're…"

"Rias Gremory, friend of Kushina-san," Rias said shortly, holding the twins tightly in her bosom.

"I see. I have an idea of what happened here and I know you had nothing to do with their deaths." Hiruzen said, stepping forward. "But I must ask you to relinquish their children to me. They undoubtedly made one of them a Jinchuriki, and therefore must be protected."

He raised his hand out, but Rias took a step back.

"Kushina-san said she and Minato-san were betrayed by someone they thought dead. As long as they're out there, Naruto and Naruko aren't safe." Rias gazed at Naruto and then back at Hiruzen, her eyes flashing red. "And Kushina-san entrusted me with him…not you."

"Girl, I don't think you understand-" Hiruzen started to say but a magic circle appeared beneath Rias. "Stop her!" he commanded his troops.

Rias could only narrow her now glowing red eyes and flashed them as she warped away, leaving the lunging shinobi grasping only air.

"...Kushina," Hiruzen murmured, looking at her and Minato's bodies. "What have you done? And why…can't I recall the one that took the children? Who…were they?"

Rias reappeared where she was, only to find the doors wide open with a commotion echoing through the doors. Rocking the Uzumaki babes back and forth to calm them down, she took a breath to calm herself down before entering through the large banquet doors.

"Hey, that's Lady Rias!"

"Lady Rias?!"

"She's finally here, but…"

"Are those…babies…in her arms?"

The whispers didn't matter to her as she pressed onward, the attention growing until the most important people finally noticed her presence. Rias then noticed that her Pawn, a horned demon named Power, was somehow here, and Power was facing down Riser.

"Gimme a rematch now! Lightning won't strike twice, you fried chicken!"

'Must've been Grayfia…'

"Rias!"

"Rias-sama!"

Soon, her family, friends, and Peerage all shared the same reaction when they saw she was finally here: relief, followed by varying degrees of shock and confusion.

"Rias, there you are! Where have you been?!" her mother, Lady Venelana Gremory, née Bael, demanded gently. "We were so worried about you. What happened to you? And who are they?"

"Um…" Rias flinched, now realizing she would have to explain the baby twins and her dress stained in Kushina's blood. "Well…"

"What kind of sick joke is this?" boomed the voice of her unwanted fiance, Riser Phenex, as he stomped up to her. "Why do you have children?! It can't be yours!"

"Eh? I thought you hated Riser, why'd you get in bed with hi-!" Power exclaimed before Koneko bonked her on the head. "Gak!"

Ignoring the horned demon shooting her mouth off as usual, Rias glared at Riser. "One of the contractors summoned me, and her dying wish was for me to take care of her children! And you know what, I will!"

"Ara ara!" Himejima Akeno cooed as she floated over for a closer look. "I can see why! They're such cuties. I can see the boy being quite the stud!"

"Akeno, Naruto is just a baby!" Rias scolded her, with Akeno sticking her tongue out. "Down, girl!"

"And the girl too! Something tells me she'll be playing for both teams!"

"Akeno~"

"Rias, taking care of a baby is hard work and time-consuming. Are you sure you're up to it?" Venelana asked worryingly. "I mean, you're still a virgin-"

"MOOOOOMMMMMMM!" Rias wailed in embarrassment, but Naruto and Naruko both started to cry. "Oh, I'm sorry! So so sorry! There, there, it's okay! I wasn't shouting at you, Naruto, Naruko."

"Well, this is…interesting." Rias's brother, Sirzechs Lucifer of the Four Satans, noted with a raised eyebrow. "Of all the things to happen when making contracts, a couple of children being dropped into my sister's lap wasn't what I was expecting."

"Naruto? Like the Fishcake condiment? That doesn't scream terror." Power said before taking a closer look. "I wonder if they taste…"

"Finish that sentence and you'll be wishing you were swinging from a tree after I'm done with you," Koneko growled at her before also finding her gazing at the babies. "They're so cute. It's so unfair."

"Oh come on, there gotta be a reason they're named after a noodle topping!" Power whined, making grabby motions.

"Power, please stop them and shut up." Rias groaned, her eye twitching at her Pawn's stupidity.

"Is this seriously happening right now?! This wasn't part of the deal!" Riser shouted angrily. "I don't think you understand how important this union is, Rias! I will not allow children to get between us. Either lose them, or I'm calling this whole wedding off!"

The world around Rias suddenly slowed as Riser's last sentence echoed repeatedly in her mind. She looked at the blonde, whisker-marked twins, who stopped crying and found comfort in her bosom, each latching onto one of her breasts. Riser's last sentence had Rias looking at the twins as if they were a Satansend. Not only was Naruto and Naruko in her charge now…

"That's fine then."

They were her miracle…her saviors.

"I will not give Uzumaki Naruto and Naruko up!" Rias declared, looking at a shocked Riser dead in his eyes. "They are mine!"

"Uzumaki?"

"Did she say Uzumaki?!"

The murmurs started back up again at the mention of Naruto's clan name, but Rias ignored them as she glared at Riser.

"Rias! You would give up this necessary union to preserve the Pure-Blood Devil's bloodline…all for those little brats?!" Riser raged, looking baffled and angry.

It was insane!

"If it means my freedom from you…no, not only for that, but for their sake, yes!" Rias shot back, her eyes glowing red. "No matter what anyone says or thinks…I. Will. Not. Marry you, Riser Phenex! I'll take care of Naruto and Naruko no matter what, and that's a promise I will honor."

"Well, this is an unexpected development." Sirzechs murmured to his father, "And I don't think my sister will budge on this. While there was an agreement that was to be honored via the Rating Game…" he frowned at seeing Riser frothing at the mouth. "Maybe it wasn't a good idea to impose your will on her."

"I'll have to agree." the Head of the House of Gremory, Zeoticus Gremory, replied with a sigh. "Right now, the boy Riser is not someone I'd want as a son-in-law…"

"RIAS!" Riser roared angrily, only for Rias's Peerage to stand between them. "YOU!"

"If you want to get to our King and her children, you'll have to go through us!" Rias' Knight, Kiba Yumi declared while drawing her demonic Flame Delete sword from thin air, thanks to her Sacred Gear.

"And me." Akeno agreed, channeling her lightning through her hands. "No one threatens my King and her cutie-pies, and lives to tell the tale."

"Me too," Koneko added, cracking her fists. "To hell with the Rating Game. We live for Buchou…and her kittens."

"C'mon on, you grilled chicken, it's time for a rematch!" Power yelled, blood spraying from her wrist and forming into a giant hammer. "I'll use your immortality to pay back what you did to me several times over!"

But the sparks could fly, the Head Maid of the House of Gremory and Sirzechs' wife, Grayfia Lucifuge, stepped between them, a chilly aura radiating off her. "That is enough squabbling like children. You've already fought in a Rating Game!" she snapped at them. "Any more would be seen as disgraceful to your families, so get a hold of yourselves!"

"Grayfia, if Riser tries to have this way again, I will personally introduce him to the ground. And trust me, their relationship will be more intimate than he and I will ever be." Rias snarled, not backing down even in the face of the Strongest Queen.

"Ok, let's settle down now." Sirzechs chided them, now getting involved personally before his sister and Queen came to blows.

"But Lord Lucifer, isn't this what both our families want?!" an incensed Riser protested.

"Indeed, but Rias has made it clear that she has no interest in you. And in fact, you made it clear to everyone that you wouldn't marry Rias as long as she had those kids, correct?"

"But…that was just a figure of speech! To get her to see my way!"

Sirzechs smirked. "But that failed, didn't it? There is no impasse to be had here. You and Rias will no longer be betrothed. I believe it is for the best."

"But the Elders-!"

"Have no say in the matter. Their role is only to advise." Sirzechs cut across him with a glare and turned to the Heads of the Houses. "I'm sure there are no issues with this?"

Zeoticus shook his head, though he sighed minutely. "I see no problems as long as Lord Phenex feels the same."

The Head of the House of Phenex, Lord Fergis Phenex, shrugged. "I concur. Seeing the animosity between our children has shown that forcing them together wasn't the right thing to do. If we continue to push it…"

"My daughter might end up vaporizing your son with all her new motherly fury," Zeoticus noted casually with a nod.

Rias was currently cooing the babies, who were pawing at her breasts. "Sorry, no milkies in there…yet."

"Serious question, how do those babies not look appetizing enough when they came out the-" Power wondered before being pulled away by her ear by Koneko. "Ow ow ow!"

"Please stop."

"Well, on my authority as Lord Lucifer, it's settled." Sirzechs decided, addressing the guests. "Sorry for bringing you all out here for nothing, but this engagement has been canceled."

"Rias, please rethink this!" Riser called out to her as she and her Peerage turned to leave.

"No. Goodbye, Riser." Rias countered and turned back to look at him with an evil glare. "And I swear, if you show yourself in my territory, not only will I erase you on the spot, I will find an Evil Dragon and feed them your remains! Consequences be damned!" she declared and turned her attention back to the children. "All right kiddies, time to go home; after we pick up a few essentials!"

With that, Rias summoned a Gremory magic circle and warped herself, her children, and her Peerage away; with Power flipping Riser off with a sour raspberry as they disappeared.

Most of the guests were left dumbstruck, having been witness to the crazy events that just transpired. Riser was left standing there while reaching out to her, his Peerage standing on the side awkwardly, all looking unsure how to help their King.

"Um, what just happened?" Riser's sister and Bishop, Ravel Phenex asked, pointing at where Rias was. "Did my brother just get dumped…for a pair of babies?"

"Yes. That's exactly what happened," Riser's busty Queen, Yubelluna, demurred. "But after seeing them, if I were in her shoes…kukuku."

'What the heck?! It was supposed to be my brother and Rias together like he wanted! How could those two brats change things so much?!' Ravel thought furiously. 'I'm going to get to the bottom of this!'

'Well, this will be quite interesting…' the Student Council President of Kuoh Academy, Sona Sitri, thought to herself as she adjusted her glasses. 'To think two newborns would be the ones to save Rias from Riser.'

"Uzumaki. Who would've thought they'd be the ones to stop this? Even as newborns, they can still be unpredictable and shrewd as foxes," Venelana murmured, then smiled. "But be careful, my darling daughter. Motherhood isn't something to take lightly."

After buying some baby supplies and sending everything on their way, Rias entered her house and headed to the guest room upstairs. The children were fast asleep in her arms, still latching onto her boobs. She placed the small twins on an easy chair and set to work, using her magic to construct a makeshift crib and a rocking chair, and a bed for her to sleep in the room with them.

"A bit rough on the edges, but it'll do." Rias mused as she took the children from the easy chair and into the crib. Thankfully, they were still sound asleep.

She reached down her cleavage and pulled out the scroll Kushina gave her. She gazed at it, before setting it on the nearby night table. She turned her attention back to the twins, who were now radiating orange chakra. She narrowed her eyes as the chakra rose up and molded into the shape of a fox's head.

"Kurama… You have a lot of nerve showing yourself before me…"

"I don't blame you, little vixen. I will not deny what I did. It's my fault for not breaking out of that damn Sharingan sooner. If I had, Minato and Kushina-chan would still be alive…" the fox hissed at her, tears flowing from her eyes. "Kushina-chan did the right thing in summoning you, and I'm glad you didn't stick around in Konoha with the children."

"Of course I didn't, not with the one who betrayed Kushina-san still in the wind. And that Sandaime Hokage may mean well, but I couldn't trust him to take care of those two."

"You're right. With Minato's death, no doubt he'll take over Hokage duties until a proper candidate can be found. The old man is alright, but giving that old war hawk Shimura Danzo leeway during his first time as Hokage was a major issue. However, the old monkey is not the one who we should be worried about…"

"That traitor, right?"

"Exactly, and I believe I know who it is," Kurama said with a glare at the memory. "Kushina might not have caught it, but I recognized their scent. The masked man claimed that he's Uchiha Madara, which is laughable because his chakra levels are nowhere near the real deal, and Madara would never wear a mask. No, the one who attacked us was Minato's old student thought to be dead…Uchiha Obito."

"Kushina said his name too- Wait, I remember now! He was one of Minato-san's students!" Rias realized and frowned. "Why would he turn his back on his teacher?"

"...I have a hunch. Somehow, he must've found out about the death of his former teammate, Nobara Rin, after he survived. He was quite the annoying lovesick puppy pining for her affection while she had for their other teammate, Hatake Kakashi. She died after jumping in front of Kakashi's Chidori when they were attacked, with misplaced fear that Isobu would blow up after she was sealed into her. Why she didn't wait for input from Minato and Kushina, two highly qualified Seal Masters, is a mystery unto itself. And now here we are."

"Well, Kushina made sure to keep my existence a secret to all except her inner circle, which thankfully didn't include Minato's students. And I wouldn't worry about anyone remembering what I look like. I used my magic to tamper with the memories of the witnesses before leaving. The twins will be safe here under my care."

"For now. You may be a Devil, but you'd be wise not to underestimate the ninja of the Elemental Countries."

Rias just stared at Kurama, a deadly look in her eye as she partially summoned the aura of her Power of Destruction around her body.

"Do not be arrogant, girl. If what I heard about that Rating Game is true, you have room for improvement yourself. Don't expect me to pull you out of every jam you find yourself in." Kurama scolded her before her aura slowly sank back into the twins. "You accepted Kushina-chan's wish, so I'm counting on you."

"Don't think I'll forgive you for killing Kushina-san and Minato-san."

"I know." Kurama's voice faded. "I will never forgive myself either…"

Rias huffed and leaned over the crib, relief across her face as the twins still breathed normally. They appeared to be unaffected by Kurama's chakra as they were still fast asleep, holding each other's hands.

"My little heroes…my little miracles. I will give you both the best lives you could possibly ask for. Not only will I raise you well, but you'll be just as strong as your parents and your potential realized." Rias muttered as she stoked their cheeks. "Don't worry Kushina-san. As long as I live, your wish shall be forever granted. I won't let anyone take them away from me."

However, certain Devils, Angels, Yokai, Humans, and Familiars from around the world, to the Underworld, and even the Heavens, all let out loud sneezes in union.

"And to do that…" Rias added, raising her left arm and channeling her power through it.

"Oh! Does this mean…!"

"Yes. I kept you foolishly sealed for too long because of my pride. If I'm going to protect and train Naruto and Naruko with all I have, it's time to end that mistake!"

"Finally! About time! I knew you'd come around, partner!"

In a flash of light, the legendary Sacred Gear known as the Boosted Gear appeared on her arm, all thanks to a glitch in the system when she was born.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," she murmured, clenched her gauntlet fist. "Ddraig."

With a single wish of a dying Uzumaki to a Gremory, the world will never be the same.

To be continued…

After story notes

-Original

This was born from my delirious mind after working seven straight days a week.

The High School DxD part is an AU where there are a few changes, like the female Fallen Angel trio being spared, Kiba being female, Rias being the one to wield the Boosted Gear, and having extra Pawns since Issei cost less this time around.

The folks on my Discord (invite link in my profile) really enjoyed talking about this area.

Beta'ed by NSG and Kitnight.

This is more of a funny story than a serious story.

There will be a third main crossover, but only when Naruto and Naruko are grown up. Shinmai Maou no Testament/Testament of Sister New Devil is a strong contender for me.

Each chapter would be at least 3K-5K with shenanigans.

KuronoDono12 has some crazy ideas for future scenarios, a few that include various female characters (including a female Godzilla) making off with the kids.

I know only humans are born with Sacred Gears, but thanks to NSG, I came up with someone tampering with God's system that caused some supernatural beings to have Sacred Gears.

Any and all suggestions for this concept are welcome!

And finally, where can I find pictures of Rias wielding the Boosted Gear? (just the gauntlet btw)

-Full release

I fixed up some errors.

I've seen a review stating that it made no sense for Issei to be around since Rias has the Boosted Gear. So I changed the Pawn to Mio and Maria from Shinmai, only to remember that they'll be appearing in the future when the twins get older, and so…

Power (of Chainsaw Man fame) is Rias' Pawn instead of Issei. I was originally looking for a perverted female character that would fit Rias' Peerage. I know there's Katsuragi from Senran Kagura, but she'll appear much later when the twins get older. Then I saw a pic of Power, everyone clicked into place, and viola.

Rias has more Pawns pieces now.

I made Gasper female too. Rias has an all-female Peerage now.

Beta'ed by NorthSouthGorem.

"Dear Satan…Ugh~"

A suffering Rias was currently changing the twins' diapers the next day. The sight of the ruined diapers made her want to burn her eyes out. She was constantly gagging as the foul smell reached her nostrils.

"Nope! Worth it. Worth it. This is worth it!" she cried out before quickly dumping the diapers into the trash. "Blegh!"

She ran to the window and took precious gulps of air to cure her burning nose.

"I will never give my parents a hard time again." she coughed.

She looked back at Naruto and Naruko, who were yawning and kicking their little legs around.

"Between this and Riser, I'll welcome diaper duty any day of the week…Ulp!"

Original release: March 12, 2023

Released: October 10, 2023 (Happy birthday Naruto!)