I really, really miss Boss Lady. I miss everything about her and the Night Raid hideout. I miss how she factors in all the lives of everyone involved in her plans. I miss that heart and soul she always shows without any hesitation, the same heart and soul that makes Lubbock fall head over heels for her. It's been a good while since Tatsumi and I have been away from the hideout. The longer I am here in this palace, around these dirt bags like Wave and Run, the shorter my fuse grows. I never had a long fuse to start with, but Najenda was always helping me.

She was always helping me rein in my temper and anger. She helped me find a calm acceptance. Most of all, I feel like her and I understand each other on some level that doesn't need to be spoke on. That's why my soul is aching for her. It's aching to be back with my pack, Night Raid. I don't belong here. Tatsumi doesn't belong here. I may be a nihilist and he may be an idealist, but we are the same. I am an idealist. He is a nihilist. And vice versa. I say this because unlike myself, Tatsumi is sleeping with the others in his own room.

Esdeath had to drag me to this meeting out of our shared room. I can only presume that Esdeath thought we were going to be making love while we go around on a wholesale slaughter basis. I'm so happy I shut her down and put her right back in her place. I'm glad Tatsumi has managed to capture her attention and can serve as a distraction. That's going to come in handy when I make my retreat at some point. I don't know when the oppurtunity will come, but I know Tatsumi is going to give me the opening I need.

I will be taking that opening as well. I have no desire to be here. I can't stand the fact these heathens are so ready to sacrifice their own. It's one thing to fill that stupid arena with morons and putting me against them. That had been a good way to get rid of some of my anger and stress. let's face it also, that was always going to be the conclusion to that fiasco. The fact they'd waste time trying to find Esdeath a lover/husband really does show how far off the beaten path things have gotten.

So I am stuck here at the moment unfortunately. I have no opening. The only opening I have comes in the form of Tatsumi. I can't manipulate the brat or leverage with him the way I want to. I'd be no damn better than these idiots in front of me right now hen clucking away about me having a Teigu and going into Gifnora with one hundred thousand strong. That's where I'm reaching my limits too. If it was anywhere else, I'd care, but I'd care for much different reasons than not wishing to see the Empire soldiers dying for no reason.

Gifnora was where everything killed and ate. There was no thriving or surviving in that region. Esdeath said it herself that her power came from victory and defeat. My power was a different kind of power. it came from needing to survive, and through that, I was able to thrive. She was tired of rudimentary skills and abilities in her mind. She wanted pure destructive power and razor sharp skills, the same things I possessed in oodles. In her mind the trade off of one hundred thousand dying, just so I could get a Teigu, and really shows what I can was worth it to her.

It wasn't worth it to me. This discussion was continued and ended, and this is the third day I've had to sit here in absolute silence while the three most powerful people in the Empire decided my fate. If I'd be going to Gifnora and laying it all on the line, or if there'd be an easier and better way to me attaining a Teigu that didn't require needless sacrifices. Now, don't get me wrong I have no love for any of these Empire scum. My main point is the fact I couldn't stomach so many dying for no reason. They needed to stay alive in order to keep the Empire maintained so other Danger Beasts and rebellious ruck within their ranks could be taken care of.

If one hundred thousand were killed, that means there would be at least one million openings. Losing that many would provide ten times the weaknesses and so much more that'd be detrimental. Yet, it doesn't seem to click within this trio's mind. Not the same way it clicked for me and Najenda. I used to wonder why she was cautious at times. Now I can understand and see through this experience. If she killed too many there'd be too many openings. She needed to carefully work and snake her way in through the high valuable kills of those who needed to be put down. Like the Jaegers. Like the people running around with Teigu that didn't ever need one in the first place.

Those were the ones that needed to be put to rest, and those were the ones that would provide us with the openings that we so desperately needed on the Revolution side. If I did let one hundred thousand soldiers die, I'd really be doing the Revolution a favor. At the same time if I took that opening and tried to use it, I'd be in the same boat as these three. This came down to ideals as much as it came down to brute strength and inhuman effort and perseverance. There's something driving me and Najenda beyond our limits, and it's not the same thing that drives these three beyond their limits.

I realize I'm going to get a Teigu. That's what this opening is. The second I get my Teigu I'm going to need to escape and get back to Night Raid. Tatsumi will find his way back there. Esdeath doesn't want to marry me and have children that are powerful and strong. She wants to try and subdue me, try to make me beneath, and most of all, that means she wants our possible children to bow their knee to the Empire. That's a slight I can never forgive. For now they're going to think I'm loyal.

The second Esdeath sets her sights on Tatsumi I am going to take that opening and escape. Hopefully Leone is close by and can assist me in getting away. I'm going to need more than sheer speed on my side with this. I need the navigation skills and disguise skills that she has at her disposal, so that her and I can get back to Night Raid safely. It shouldn't come down to us being hurt or anything else if I can time this right. There will be a unit going into Gifnora and Esdeath will just learn the hard way when it comes to that region. There's Danger Beasts I'd always avoid, and the last place I wanted to be at night is Gifnora. If she thought it is a game of tag...

She'd learn very fast that it wasn't.

Every fiber of my being is shaking. I can't let Esdeath or Honest see how shaken I am. I can't let this spoiled rotten brat, of a king of this land see how shaken I am. There's a fine line between stupid and crazy. Boss Lady insists I tether this line like nobody ever has before, just like she has to tether the line being the leader of Night Raid and the Incognito Leader of the Revolutionary Army. I will admit it's not much of an army at the moment, but we're getting stronger and stronger by the day. More people see the bloodthirsty nature, and the sheer corruption of the Empire, and their desire to take a stand stems from our noble efforts.

That's why none of this is sitting well with me. I'm not a total fool like Tatsumi and Lubbock. I'm not a complete idiot like Mein and Leone. I'm walking a fine line and I have to tether it so carefully. Boss Lady told me she got her Teigu after she lost exactly one hundred thousand of her own going into Gifnora like I am right now. The truth is I don't want to go back in there and I swear, I know it in my bones that when I get back in there it's going to be a damn hell zone. All of those creatures are going to see me and Tatsumi, they're going to be froth and ready to devour us. Never mind the other ninety eight thousand people that are coming along with us.

I can't do anything...

I pause in my breathing and I look from Onest, to Esdeath, and back to the spoiled and rotten King of this land. They're going through their paces, shooting these sharp eyed glances my way every few seconds. Onest doesn't trust me. The King believes I'll be the strongest next to Esdeath, if I can control my temper and not start fights with everyone. Esdeath is insisting that she and I will be the conquering duo that the Empire needs to put the Revolutionary Army, the western armies, and the damned Night Raid all on notice in her own words. I shouldn't feel bad, culpable, and accountable for the lives that are going to be lost, but I can't help but feel a pang of hurt.

It just comes with my warrior spirit. I can't let a comrade die. While nobody in the Empire is my comrade or ally, letting them walk into a massacre and feeding frenzy isn't ideal. It leaves a stain on my conscience that I just don't want there. One hundred thousand total men and women isn't worth the price of me getting a Teigu. I just can't fathom it. Kondo and Hijikata would never do such a thing. They were always at the war zone with us and retreat was never an option when you were in their presence.

"Can I interject?" I ask at last, biting my tongue when Onest tries to snarl.

"You need to-"

"It is fine Onest-sama. He's been quietly contemplating something. Let him humbly speak." The King says with his haughty sneer. "Let me make this clear to you. I may be a spoiled brat, but I am ruthless."

I carefully nod a fraction, and I trace my vision between the three of them. "I humbly request that we don't go into Gifnora. My spectacle at the stadium should more than suffice."

"Are you telling me you're going to back down?" Esdeath asks with so much incredulity that I can feel my pride waver for a moment.

"No. That's not what i mean."

"Then what do you mean?" Onest asks with his own sneer. "You're going to be a bleeding heart among ruthless murderers that do this for sport?"

I shake my head, and I try to figure out how I can word this. If it's true that these one hundred thousand men and women wanted to do this, there's nothing I can do to stop this. It's going to happen either way. Whether I agree or disagree. At some point Esdeath is going to march in there and she's going to learn the hard way when she sees that giant wolf with lifeless eyes, that pulled apart Empire and Revolutionary idiots limb from limb and stalked them through the night. That's why I can't and will not do this as long as I can help it. Those fools were sent in there to kill me because I ran through so many of them, it burned their pride.

That was different compared to this.

"One hundred thousand is too much to waste and bear to waste. I can get the Teigu of my choosing without the unnecessary bloodshed of those around me I have no inkling of."

"How would I know you won't turn on me and the Empire?"

I look at the young king. "You don't know and won't know. However, you still have one hundred thousand strong. They won't die in a feeding frenzy and killing frenzy in Gifnora."

I can understand Esdeath's desire to go into Gifnora to try and conquer it. I can't for the life of me understand why anyone else would want to go in there with her on this foolish notion. Perhaps things have detiorated so damn much with this regime that these morons can see the writing on the wall and have lost all semblance of hope. Budo isn't even in here at the moment, which shows that the last supreme commander of this Empire has had enough himself. It's only family pride that keeps him going.

"One man that has a Teigu that can decimate the way you did will account for one million men and women. That's the truth of the matter. However, I see that you are thinking long term." Onest says, his sneer lessening just slightly. "You're factoring in things like hope and loyalty. I will tell you that the only thing the majority of these ruck care about are bloodshed. That includes the esteemed Budo."

"I just don't like the idea. Bloodshed isn't necessary."

Onest hums and looks at the King. "This one is wise..."

"That's why he needs a Teigu. There's been too many violent individuals that don't understand." Esdeath seconds.

"Very well. You've been talking about Tatsumi so much anyways. This one is going to be a walking carnage incarnate just like you." The King smiles at me with that haughty sneer. "You're going to get a Teigu. Esdeath will be showing you the ones we have."

"I'm picking?" I question, knowing it couldn't be that easy.

"A Teigu picks you. You'll feel it resonating inside of you." Esdeath replies, a grin stretching across her face. "The sooner we get this done...The sooner we can test it out."

"it isn't a toy."

"I concur with him. That's been your problem for a quite some time...Esdeath..." Onest says, a glare forming in his eyes.

"Don't you dare glare at me. I'll show him the Teigu we have, and he will pick one...He will show me that it is a toy in his hands or he'll toy with his opponents as we're testing it out. Either way, we're going to enjoy ourselves as a couple."

I have no response for that. I'm not going to make a response.

I'm just looking for my opening and waiting for it.

Sorry Tatsumi, but you're cut out for dealing with this mess.

I need to be with Night Raid as soon as possible, ironically...Their ideals line up with mine to some extent and that's what I need.

Give me a little more time Boss Lady and Leone...I need a little more time...