And here it is, my final story for the year. Or at least the month of September

It's back to my old style of third person narrative, with switching POVs as I see necessary. It's an action comedy with Issei remaining a perv, a literal power idiot walking amongst sea of magical supernatural girls and so and so

focuses primarily on Rating Game and expanding it, as promised. Tag teams, fortnite esque matches, royal rumble, royal tumble, etc. etc. if you can name it; I've probably had a scene ready

If you've watched Mashle, you'll know this one

In a World of Magic, I Cast Fist

[Chapter 1]

Mana? I Can't Eat That

Deep within the heart of the lush, verdant forest, a mischievous band of Yōkai gathered. These lively pranksters hadn't quite grasped the subtle nuances of the phrase "personal space." Their sole purpose in existence seemed to be derived from tormenting and frightening creatures of other species. Today, they had a prime target in their crosshairs: a lone Human, practically ringing the dinner bell with every step he took.

At the helm of this approaching chaos was none other than a wily Kitsune, her bushy tails twitching like hyperactive extremely fuzzy snakes. She sensed the approaching human with the precision of a bloodhound on a scent trail. Grinning from ear to pointy ear, the Yōkai advanced, their excitement evident as they inched closer to their quarry.

But then, in a collective moment of clarity that would go down in Yōkai history, they all decided, in unspoken agreement, that perhaps this particular Human was a tad too... challenging. It was a classic case of 'Let's-Not-Get-Punted-to-the-Heavens' Syndrome, a rule etched into their folklore through generations of unfortunate pranking attempts.

So, in a synchronized frenzy, they executed a lightning-fast about-face and bolted back to whence they came.

And there he stood, the unwitting protagonist in this supernatural sitcom, amid the towering trees, his heart racing as if he'd just survived a marathon on a caffeine overdose. Sweat dripped from his furrowed brow, mingling with the forest grime that clung to his body like a clingy ex. His unremarkable brown hair resembled a bird's nest after a particularly wild party, and his dull brown eyes scanned the forest, their main emotion being confusion – and maybe just a dash of annoyance at his unexpected workout interruption.

With a nonchalant shrug, our intrepid hero resumed his workout routine. If one could call it a routine, that is. It was more like a spectacle, a baffling display of physical prowess that defied all logical explanation, even in a world teeming with magic.

Because there was nothing magical in his exercise.

Hyoudou Issei continued with what he fondly referred to as "The Synchronized Tree Hug." In a feat of sheer insanity, he embraced not one, not two, but an entire grove of trees simultaneously, like some sort of arborous octopus. His rippling muscles strained against the bark as he performed this arboreal interpretive dance. Birds perched in the branches above watched in a mix of awe and terror as their homes trembled with each tree-hugging embrace.

After several reps, he transitioned into the "Boulder Bop." He located a massive boulder, four-times his size, and began to dance around it like an overly enthusiastic partner in a salsa class. With each twirl, he kicked the boulder, and to the utter disbelief of gravity itself, the colossal rock soared into the air, spinning like a demented UFO. Issei followed its trajectory, doing a series of mid-air somersaults before catching the boulder with one hand and slamming it back into the ground. The forest floor trembled, and the bewildered animals began to suspect that their realm had been invaded by a particularly bewildering hurricane.

Throughout this madness, Issei maintained a stoic expression, as if levitating logs and juggling boulders were the most ordinary activities in the world. And as he completed his workout that defied all logic, one couldn't help but wonder if there was a method to his madness or if he was simply living in a world of his own, one where trees were his friends, gravity was optional, and truck-sized boulders made excellent props for a circus act.

And as he finished his workout with a triumphant, satisfied smirk for another day well done, the forest stood still, the animals rendered utterly speechless by the spectacle they had just witnessed.

Issei wiped a bead of sweat from his brow, completely unaware that his daily exercise routine had officially transcended the realm of the ludicrous and entered the annals of the surreal.

"All done," he huffed with satisfaction, a glint of perverse determination in his eyes as he declared his next goal: "Time for porn."

With the grace of a gazelle on caffeine, he bolted towards Kuoh City. His speed defied the laws of physics, leaving behind a trail of befuddled squirrels and bewildered birds and panicking Yōkai that believed he was chasing after them.

His destination? A humble newsstand tucked away in the city's bustling heart, the sacred repository of knowledge for connoisseurs of the art of hot women's anatomy—this month's edition of the renowned "Legacy of the Oppai Dragon."

In this supernatural carnival of a world, where Devils, Demons, Angels, and regular folks, along with those extraordinary heroic descendants, all shared the same Earthly sandbox, a peculiar kind of harmony had settled in. Earth, Heaven, Hell, Asgard, Olympus, and plenty more had collectively agreed to set aside their squabbles, courtesy of a motley crew. Some guy from the Grigori Institution, a handful of Satans running the show in Hell, and the ever-reliable Archangel Michael who was temporarily filling in for God, who was presumably lounging in the celestial equivalent of a hammock in the higher dimensions, sipping on divine piña coladas for a job well done.

But amidst this grand action-sitcom, our protagonist, Hyoudou Issei, was what you might call a "Mana Miser." While everyone else was tapping into their or Earth's plentiful Winds of Magic, or "Mana" for short, Issei was the guy with the wand of envy, capable of turning the most powerful magic wand into a backscratcher.

Hyoudou Issei's upbringing had been nothing short of a whimsical fairy tale, albeit one penned by a particularly quirky author.

His parents, who he lovingly referred to as Pops and Mumsy, were your garden-variety magic enthusiasts. Yet for some reason, they decided that living in a remote forest miles away from civilization—specifically, Kuoh City—was the epitome of the good life. This hidden paradise was expertly concealed from prying eyes, courtesy of a mysterious Japanese deity who preferred to remain incognito for now. And as for Issei, he simply rolled with it, content in his blissful ignorance. The reason behind their hermit-like existence remained an unsolved puzzle that he didn't care to solve.

Issei's eccentricity didn't stop at his mind-boggling workouts. Oh no, he had a quirkier side, cultivated by years of living in isolation with his peculiar parents, his closest confidante being a barn owl who occasionally mistook him for a predatory creature—unless he came bearing breadcrumbs, of course. But perhaps the crowning jewel in the eccentricity crown was the frustration born from his parents' uncanny ability to dodge any questions about their peculiar living situation. Why in the middle of nowhere? Where the chances of finding himself a girl—let alone a girlfriend that would let him do stuff—were roughly on par with discovering a unicorn riding a pogo stick?

'My goal? Simple: I want to assemble a harem of supernatural beauties. And I've got this grand plan to get there – by getting powerful first. The rest? I'll figure it out on the fly. Or so I hope.'

His lofty goal, fueled by a heady concoction of teenage hormones, romanticized notions, and a dash of delirium, was a beacon of ambition that gleamed like a lighthouse guiding him through the stormy seas of his eccentric life. And according to his father, with the conviction of a true visionary, the path to this peculiar dream was paved by a tar called power. He'd figure out the logistics later, presumably over a cup of tea with his ever-slimy parents and a befuddled barn owl.

And as he sprinted toward Kuoh City with a singular mission in mind, he couldn't help but wonder if today would be the day when destiny would finally reveal itself in the form of a hentai magazine.

As Issei arrived at the bustling heart of Kuoh City, he hastily donned his trusty maroon and white tracksuit, with its symbolic three white stripes. It was one of the many hand-me-downs from his father. Remarkably, it still retained its pristine condition, thanks to his mother's magical touch. And like his usual fashion choices, which seemed to scream "fashion crisis," the track suit clung to him like a paper bag, ruffly and slightly oversized thanks to his compact stature.

As he entered the city limits, he couldn't help but marvel at the kaleidoscope of races and species that mingled in the urban sprawl. People of all kinds, from Humans to Devils, Angels to beings from Realms with names he likely would get tongue-twisted, strolled the streets.

'Can't they just use their hands…?' a stray thought wandered into his breasts-invested mind as he observed his surroundings.

Magic, a commonplace tool here, was used for the most mundane tasks. Someone summoned a floating umbrella to shield themselves from an imaginary drizzle, while another turned their coffee cup into a scuttling spider just for kicks. Issei, with his 'Mana Miser' status, couldn't quite comprehend why they were bending over backward—sometimes literally—to employ magic. But he wasn't here to philosophize about the magical intricacies of city life.

He felt as if Kuoh City was stuck in a never-ending magic show, and he was the only audience member who didn't receive the memo.

But he didn't have the luxury to stand around pondering the mysteries of magical hairdryers. His parents had adamantly warned him never to visit the city, and although he respected their wishes, ever since he stumbled upon a very specific magazine—disguised as a historical tome, no less— with a smoking hot, scantily-clad 'Angel' (which was just a Fallen Angel who painted their wings black) posing seductively on the cover, hidden under his father's bed, his curiosity, and soon enough, desire had become an insatiable beast.

It had gnawed at his every waking moment, driving him to risk the wrath of parental admonition for the sake of that monthly issue.

With a promise to himself to return quickly, he set off on his noble quest.

And got completely sidetracked in a heartbeat as a vision of exotic allure sauntered past him—a Demon girl from the Leporine Clan. She was the epitome of supernatural allure, a bronzed-skinned beauty with long, tantalizing legs, cascades of snowy-white hair that brushed her shoulders, fluffy rabbit ears perched atop her head, and a cheeky pair of elven ears that peeked out like secretive accomplices.

Why did her kind have two sets of ears? He had no idea.

One thing he knew, being the eager connoisseur of the supernatural and a pervert, found himself unable to tear his gaze away. His eyes practically laser-locked onto the mesmerizing spectacle of her firm hips, causing him to momentarily forget his sacred quest for the elusive adult magazine as he pondered the chance of getting his head smushed between those tantalizing bronze thighs. A glance was all it needed to drive his imagination to overdrive as he conjured a whirlwind of fantastical scenarios, each more absurd and tantalizing than the last.

A nudge from the rational part of his brain finally jolted Issei back to his senses.

With a self-imposed mental slap, he reminded himself of his mission—a mission of utmost importance, at least in his hormone-fueled mind. He couldn't afford to be sidetracked any longer, not when the clock was ticking, and the magazine he sought was presumably awaiting his eager arrival.

With renewed determination and the image of the Leporine girl imprinted firmly in his memory, Issei resumed his jog through the city. He would return to his forested sanctuary soon, magazine in hand.

Issei arrived at the bookstand with all the subtlety of a teenage boy on a mission. The influence of the Fallen Angels over the red-light district had turned this otherwise discreet shop into a spectacle, openly displaying its adult content for all to see. But Issei couldn't care less about the lack of modesty—all the better anyway, since everyone was stunning in their own supernatural ways—his mind was nonetheless fixated on a singular book.

Although it took his entire willpower to control his thoughts from wandering into the labyrinth of erotic books that beckoned seductively from the shelves, he spotted what he had come for—the monthly issues of the "Oppai Dragon". It had the bright pink Magical Girl Levia-tan on its cover, but he knew that it was just a cross-promotional material to get his hopes up.

Nevertheless, with a triumphant grin, he plucked it from its place, his fingers handling it with a mix of anticipation and reverence.

As he strutted towards the cashier, the shop's owner as well as guardian of sensuality, Kalawarner, regarded him with a knowing smirk.

She was a Fallen Angel, a temptress who thrived in this tantalizing domain. Tall and buxom, her brown eyes hinted at a mischievous secret, and her long, navy blue hair cascaded like a silken waterfall, concealing one eye, leaving the other to convey her playful nature.

Her attire was a maroon coat-like top that hinted at danger and a matching miniskirt that oozed sexy office lady. More importantly, at least for him, her trench coat was unapologetically open at the chest, showcasing her ample chest and cleavage, adorned with a gold necklace around her neck, gleaming like an invitation for his eyes.

"Never late, huh?" Kalawarner arched an eyebrow, her voice laced with amusement as she scanned his choice. "Hey. Eyes are up here, Kiddo."

Issei, undeterred and seemingly immune to subtlety, responded with a simple point, his gaze remaining steadfast. "Yeah, but your goods are down there."

Kalawarner couldn't help but chuckle. "Hah— there needs to be more people like you." With a playful wink, she slipped something extra inside the brown paper bag containing his prized possession. "Here," she said, handing it over to him, "Something a little extra for your loyalty."

Issei accepted the bag with an eager grin and wasted no time peeking inside. "Awesome!"

Whatever surprise lay within that tiny box was an added bonus to his already successful mission. As he made his payment with an extra bounce in his step, he strutted out of the store, an unspoken promise of returning next month for another rendezvous with temptation and the ever-enticing Kalawarner.

Issei emerged from the store, his stride full of newfound confidence. His mission had been accomplished, and the bonus from Kalawarner had made the trip even more worthwhile. He couldn't help but feel that today was a particularly good day, despite his parents' warnings about venturing into the city.

As he strolled through the city park on his way back, he noticed a thick crowd congregating around a grand, ornate fountain. It was evident that a street performer was at the center of this spectacle, and the curiosity that had led him here spurred him forward.

With a flourish of his cape and a dazzling display of sparks, the performer summoned a cascade of glowing butterflies into the air. The ethereal creatures danced in harmony with the performer's whimsical gestures, captivating the attention of the passerby, including Issei.

The Guy Without Magic found himself drawn to the spectacle. His eyes widened as he gazed at the radiant display, his curiosity piqued by the enchanting dance of the butterflies, wondering if he could pluck one and keep it as a pet, his innate musing broadening the subject to wondering if these butterflies had predators; what would they be? Glowing iguanas?

As Issei stood there, enchanted by the ethereal dance of the butterflies, a sharp-eyed individual in the crowd, someone particularly keen of magical senses, sensed something amiss. With a furrowed brow and a growing suspicion, they began to scrutinize Issei's presence, their magical perception honed like a finely tuned instrument.

In this world where magic was woven into the very fabric of existence, the absence of Mana was as conspicuous as a rainbow in a monochrome world. And it didn't take long for this perceptive individual to arrive at a startling conclusion: Issei was hiding his mana, a grave offense that went beyond the boundaries of legality.

With a voice that cut through the hushed awe of the onlookers, the accuser pointed an accusatory finger at Issei. "You there! What are you hiding?" they demanded, their tone laced with both authority and suspicion. "Mana concealment is a crime, you know!"

It took Issei a glance to realize that finger wasn't pointing at someone behind him, but at him.

"Huh? Me?" he then stared down at his brown paper bag, and instinctively clutched it tighter. "I ain't hiding anything from anything."

Issei's bewildered protest was cut short as someone in the crowd, misinterpreting the situation entirely, jumped to a bombastic conclusion.

"HE HAS A BOMB!"

Chaos erupted like a tempest. The tranquil park was transformed into a pandemonium of fear and frantic movement. The startled crowd scattered in all directions, like leaves caught in a sudden gust of wind, nearly emptying the once-packed park in a matter of seconds.

Amidst the panic, his accusator, an officer in white uniform, known as a "Sentinel," —which was really just a cooler term for magic police— stepped forward. Nervously, he pointed his wand at Issei, conjuring tiny magical circles before his mouth and ears. As he spoke into these arcane channels, he called for urgent backup, his voice trembling with the weight of the situation.

"A-a-attention all units," he said, his words amplified by the enchanted circles, "Potential threat in the park! Suspect accused of Mana Concealment! Suspected bomb threat, potential Khaos Brigade affiliation! Requesting immediate backup!"

"Wait!" Issei raised his arms, still clutching his bag. Having read this scene from his many books as he smoothly read the nametag on the officer's chest. "Officer Takashi! This is all just one giant misunderstanding! What I have is just a book!"

The Sentinel's wand wavered slightly as he took in Issei's plea, but didn't buy it. "D-d-don't you move!"

The park had fallen eerily silent, save for the distant hum of magical activity and the tension that hung in the air like a charged storm.

"If you don't believe me, then have a look," Issei said, his voice earnest.

As he tossed the paper bag toward Officer Takashi.

Who emitted a non-magical high-pitched shriek that could have shattered glass, making it seem like he'd suddenly sprouted pigtails complete with pink ribbons. "EEEEEEEEEEEKK!"

With a frightened wave of his wand, he unleashed a bolt of fire magic, aiming it directly at the tossed bag.

But what shocked the poor Sentinel more was what Issei did. His instincts kicking into high gear, with a swiftness that defied belief, Issei burst forward, patting the fireball away like it was a casual game of beach volleyball, guiding it harmlessly off course. In one fluid motion, he snatched his bag out of the air, fixing the officer with a somewhat annoyed look.

"Hey! Careful!" Issei scolded, exasperated. "These things cost money, you know!"

Officer Takashi, his face a mosaic of sheer horror, had gone from panic to full-blown meltdown. "A-A-A-ALL UNITS! REQUESTING IMMEDIATE BACKUP! P-PRONTO!"

Amid the chaos and befuddlement, Issei's smoothbrain—always reliable in moments of questionable judgment—seized control. Without any further ado, he made a split-second decision that, to him, seemed utterly sensible: running like a gazelle fleeing a particularly ambitious magic-infused cheetah.

With a burst of adrenaline-fueled energy, he launched himself into a sprint, leaving Officer Takashi utterly stupefied in his wake. Issei's track shorts did their best impression of an afterthought as his feet thundered against the ground, creating a rhythmic drumbeat of escape.

As dust billowed like a storm, the Sentinel's jaw practically grazed the ground, his eyes expanding to the size of dinner plates as Issei vanished into the horizon before he could even utter a single word. As he staggered back, beads of cold sweat trickling down his furrowed brow, the seasoned officer felt like he'd narrowly avoided a collision with a speeding freight train. Retirement was suddenly looking quite appealing, and he contemplated the merits of an early exit from the world of magical policing.

.

.

.

His escape had not gone unnoticed, even in the chaotic maelstrom of dust he created. High above, a majestic raven, a Familiar—a creature bound to the will of a master, silently tracked his every move, its sharp eyes locked onto the fleeting figure below.

In a dimly lit room filled with a myriad of screens displaying scenes from across the city, a man in a fedora leaned forward in his chair, his smirk betraying a sense of exhilaration.

"Finally…" Dohnaseek mused, "Some entertainment."

Years of diligent service had rewarded him with his lofty position, but the daily grind had left him yawning with boredom. Yet, watching the young man's mad dash through the city park, Dohnaseek's grin broadened.

With the precision of a seasoned strategist, he began coordinating his Familiar, directing it to keep a vigilant eye on the presumed young terrorist's hideout.

And it was the best mistake of his life.

Break

Issei, his heart now beating steadily and thinking absolutely nothing of what had happened due to his limited interaction with the outside world, approached the quaint cabin, the one place in the world he truly considered home.

Before entering, however, he discreetly stashed the magazine and the extra gift from Kalawarner beneath his tracksuit and pocket respectively, feeling like they were some sort of contraband he needed to smuggle past a stern border patrol—namely, Miki Hyoudou.

"Pops, Mumsy, I'm back," Issei called out, doing his best to sound casual despite the whirlwind of events he'd just experienced. "Just finished my training, and I'm heading for a quick shower."

"Welcome back, sweetie."

"Good work again today, boy."

His parents, in the midst of their magical endeavors, acknowledged his return with brief greetings. They were well-accustomed to their son's routine and peculiarities.

With the grace of a seasoned spy, Issei tiptoed through the living room and up the stairs. His mother, Miki, occupied a cozy corner, her fingers moving with the grace of a master as she knitted a warm sweater destined to be cozier than a dragon's den, thanks to her enchantments.

Meanwhile, his father, Gorou, was knee-deep in what Issei affectionately dubbed "fatherly mysteries." This enigmatic term encompassed a medley of odd experiments and tinkering with peculiar magical contraptions, an everyday occurrence in their enchantment-infused abode.

Issei's entry went unnoticed, a common state of affairs in their magical household, where everyday life unfolded against a backdrop of magical charms, elixirs, and eccentric incantations. With ninja-worthy stealth, he slipped into his room, his clandestine magazine still concealed beneath his attire.

As he closed the door behind him, he couldn't help but marvel at the outlandishness of his day. From a simple quest for adult entertainment to a high-speed park escapade, it was shaping up to be a day like no other in his mana-challenged existence.

And now, to savor the day…

"Nyehehehe—" Issei's gremlin chuckle filled the room as he retrieved his prized contraband and the small box gifted by Kalawarner—a gel that promised heightened pleasure. He stared at the mysterious gel for a moment, perplexed by its potential applications, and then placed it inside a small trinket box. "I'll figure that one out later," he muttered to himself with a mischievous grin.

With the anticipation of a treasure hunter unveiling a long-lost artifact, Issei now held the magazine before him, "Legacy of Oppai Dragon." He admired it with pride, his fingers itching to tear off the plastic cover and delve into its contents.

But just as he was about to embark on his evening of indulgence, fate had other plans.

A thunderous crash reverberated through the cabin as its door was blown open from the outside with a surge of magic. His moment of blissful solitude was shattered, and he found himself facing an unexpected and undoubtedly noisy interruption.

'Did mom find dad's stash again?' he idly wondered, taking a cautious peek from his bedroom door.

To his surprise, the scene unfolding before him was far from the usual domestic drama.

Three unwelcome guests had invited themselves into the living room, their authoritative presence rendering the air thick with tension. Leading this impromptu intrusion was a Fallen Angel with a striking appearance—four black wings and a jauntily perched fedora atop his head. The glint in his eyes hinted at a thrilling hunt, and Issei couldn't help but feel that his hope for a peaceful evening was being thrown outside the window.

Two others accompanied the Fallen Angel. Issei immediately recognized Officer Takashi among them, but the Fallen Angel woman at his side was impossible to ignore. She wore a modified Sentinel uniform that accentuated her provocative and dangerous aura. The attire was form-fitting, leaving little to the imagination, with a white top that clung to her voluptuous figure, the collar daringly open to reveal a tantalizing hint of her ample cleavage. Her matching miniskirt hugged her hips, showcasing her long, shapely legs, clad nicely in black tights.

Her silky raven hair cascaded straight down her back like black silk, framing a face that bore an air of exquisite beauty. Sharp violet eyes held a captivating intensity, hinting at her cunning and predatory nature. Her lips, painted a seductive shade of crimson, seemed to curl into a perpetual smirk.

"They look like regular hermits, Dohnaseek," Raynare commented casually, dismissing any notion of strangeness. "Maybe they just prefer the quiet life."

"He's here," Dohnaseek declared firmly, his gaze narrowing. "You two, search the house for him."

"Yes, sir!" Officer Takashi nodded obediently, his usual carefree demeanor replaced by a sense of duty as he embarked on his house-hunting mission. Raynare fluttered away with a nonchalant hum.

The room's tension continued to escalate, and Miki Hyoudou couldn't conceal her fear. She turned to Dohnaseek with a trembling voice. "O-Officer, what's all this about? Have we done something wrong?"

Dohnaseek offered an explanation, though cryptic and enigmatic. "All in good time, ma'am. But for now, we're looking for a suspicious individual whom we believe to have affiliation with the Khaos Brigade."

"Khaos—what?" Gorou Hyoudou, now playing the role of the protective husband, inquired with bemusement. He held his wife close, trying not to provoke the Sentinels. "With all due respect, Sir, we don't have anyone like that here... We don't even know what that is."

Dohnaseek shot them an incredulous look. "Have you two been on a permanent camping trip?"

Gorou couldn't resist a smirk. "Well, our house is in the middle of a Nameless Forest and we've been here for the past couple decades… I suppose the comparison isn't too far off…"

The Chief Sentinel paused, his irritation and amusement warring on his face. "Right," Dohnaseek conceded with a cough. "My apologies. But we tracked the suspicious character here, and he's—"

"Is this him?" Raynare's voice came from the second floor, somehow sounding both amused and bemused at the same time as she tugged Issei's ear, "This… pervert that had just blatantly asked me my three-sizes?"

"Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow."

Both Miki and Gorou facepalmed.

The abrupt identification by Raynare left Dohnaseek momentarily flabbergasted. He blinked at Issei, who remained undeterred in his ogling of the lieutenant's assets, wearing a leering grin that could rival a Cheshire cat's.

"...Yes, that... is him," Dohnaseek muttered, his initial confidence melting away like ice cream in the summer sun. He couldn't quite believe what he was witnessing. "Takashi! Confirmation!"

"Sir!" Officer Takashi, who had been diligently searching the house, reappeared from the kitchen, having found no sign of a hidden fugitive under the cupboards. His expression quickly shifted from determination to sheer panic as he pointed a trembling finger at the unfazed brown-haired leecher. "Ah! Th-that's him!"

The situation had gone from mildly absurd to utterly surreal in a matter of moments, leaving everyone in the room questioning their own sanity.

A long exhale was held.

"...Ma'am, Sir," Dohnaseek said, attempting to regain some semblance of authority, "Does your child possess any peculiar proclivity for... improvised explosives, perchance?"

Miki and Gorou exchanged bemused glances. "None that we know of, Officer."

"R-right…" Dohnaseek nodded as he turned his attention to Raynare, his brow furrowing with a mixture of disappointment and relief. "And you, Raynare? What did you find in his room?"

Raynare shrugged, still pinching Issei's ear. "Nothing that screams he's a terrorist. He's just a kid. With lots of magazines. But unless we're charging someone for the possession of pornographic materials—"

"Hey! That was uncalled for!" Issei wailed, feeling a cold sweat starting to bead as he was now the target of his mother's withering glare.

Raynare, undeterred, continued her assessment. "—then I don't think we'll be making any grand arrest as you've promised me today, Dohnaseek."

The Chief Sentinel let out a weary sigh, realizing the enormity of his misunderstanding. With a flick of his hand, he summoned a shimmering curtain of magic, and the blasted door floated back to its hinges, mending the shattered entrance as if it had never been damaged.

"Sorry about the door," he mumbled, his voice tinged with chagrin. "We'll be on our way. False alarm, it seems."

However, Officer Takashi remained resolute. "B-but Sir, he concealed his Mana!"

The color drained from the Hyoudou parents' faces as they realized the potential implications. Meanwhile, Issei was still savoring the memory of the hot officer's cleavage, committed to future material.

"Enough, Takashi. You want to embarrass me further?" Dohnaseek said, causing the Yōkai Sentinel to shrink. Though Dohnaseek did recall the matter, he nodded slowly. "Do remind your son that it's highly inadvisable to conceal his Mana," Dohnaseek advised sternly. "Especially now, with the entire world on high alert for dangerous individuals... erm... Mr. and Mrs...?"

"Hyoudou, Sir," Gorou responded with gratitude. "And yes, Sir. This'll be the last time."

Raynare, amused by the absurdity of the situation, couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Unless he's... one of those 'Mana-less' folks, that is."

Miki and Gorou paled further.

They paled even more as Issei obliviously asked, "What's wrong with that?"

Dohnaseek, after recovering from the surreal events, cleared his throat. "Well, young man," he began, addressing Issei, "it's very unusual to not have Mana in a world full of magic. Your lack of Mana is a matter of concern."

With a wave of his hand, Dohnaseek attempted to scan Issei for Mana once more, only to find the result unchanged. "Unconceal your Mana, boy," he instructed, "I still can't detect it from you."

Issei blinked. How could he hide something he didn't have?

Dohnaseek's scanning spell continued to register no Mana from Issei, and he frowned deeply. "This... This is highly irregular," he muttered to himself, slowly turning over to the parents. "...Have you been hiding a blemish in our society, Mr. and Mrs. Hyoudou?"

The color drained from the Hyoudou parents' faces as their nightmare came to life.

Gorou's voice quivered as he implored Dohnaseek, his words carrying the weight of a father's despair. "Officer, please, you have to understand... He's our son. We love him."

Miki's voice joined her husband's, her eyes welling with tears"Taking him away from us, it's not fair. Please, there must be another way."

Dohnaseek, despite his earlier bluster, felt a pang of sympathy as he witnessed the parents' genuine anguish. Yet, he knew the law was unyielding in this matter.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice laced with regret. "But the law is clear. We cannot allow someone without Mana to exist in our society. It's a danger we cannot ignore."

"But what's so bad about that?" Issei asked, still oblivious to the gravity of the situation, not getting why everyone was making such a fuss about his lack of magical mojo. "And you're not taking me anywhere without the approval of my parents, Fedora Guy. I ain't leaving with you."

"And he won't be going anywhere—!" his parents suddenly declared in unison, and drew out their wands.

The room crackled with tension as a clash of magic erupted, and Dohnaseek took charge, his lightsaber-like weapon slicing through the firebolt and ice bolt spells with precision, splitting the weak spells with ease.

"Neutralize them!" he commanded urgently. "Incapacitate! Do not harm them!"

Raynare gracefully left Issei and leaped to the floor, her four black wings spreading and then retracting as they aided her movements. She summoned a violet spear made of light, ready for combat. Meanwhile, Takashi conjured his Youjutsu, a unique form of magic known only to his kind, seeping purple mist that coiled around the Hyoudou's.

"Run, Issei!" Miki shouted, her voice tinged with desperation as her magic weakened in the presence of the strange purple mist. The family understood that the Sentinels didn't mean to harm them, which was precisely why they needed to make use of this opportunity.

"Run, Son! We'll be alright!"

"Get the kid," Raynare instructed Takashi, her lightspear crackling with energy. With a swift movement, she sent a jolt of electricity toward the parents, not to harm them but to surprise and incapacitate. Miki and Gorou winced in surprise rather than pain.

Dohnaseek and Raynare kept their attention on the adult Hyoudous as Takashi rushed forward to capture Issei.

It appeared that today was the rare day when he'd defied his parents' orders not once but twice.

"Come with me, and now—BLARGHGAH—!" Officer Takashi could be heard yelling as he cartwheeled across the house, leaving a gaping hole in the wall and sending the bewildered Sentinel on an impromptu tour of the neighboring trees.

The stunned silence that followed was thick enough to slice with a butter knife, as everyone, Sentinels included, wondered if a meteor had struck the house sideways. Miki's knitting needles hovered mid-air, Gorou's magical contraptions that were simply glorified alarm clock ceased their erratic whirring, and the both of them collectively wondered if they had somehow overlooked their son's secret superhero training regimen amidst their enchantment-filled lives.

"So," Issei muttered, his knuckles still crackling with unfathomable power, his flippant brown eyes now glinting with an edge of danger. "Who's next in line for the dirt sandwich?"

Dohnaseek and Raynare exchanged a glance, unspoken thoughts passing between them as they assessed the situation and the formidable teenager before them. It was clear that things had taken an unforeseen turn, and Issei had no intention of cooperating.

Raynare chuckled softly, her eyes glittering with amusement as she took a step forward, her lightspear poised for action. "Well, well, it seems we've stumbled upon quite the anomaly, Dohnaseek. Shall we see just how much dirt this young man can dish out?"

Dohnaseek, with his fedora perched at a rakish angle on his head, nodded in agreement. "I believe we shall, Raynare. This might turn out to be an eventful evening after all. After you."

As Raynare prepared to launch her lightspear like a javelin at the audacious teenager, Gorou and Miki, who had been momentarily stunned by the unfolding spectacle, suddenly snapped out of their stupor. Their parental instincts kicked into overdrive.

"ISSEI! NOOOO!" they exclaimed in unison, their voices filled with desperation and fear… that lost steam midway, transforming into an extended, bewildered, "—OOOOOOoooooooo….?"

Because their son had caught the lightspear mid-air. His parents could hardly believe their eyes. The weapon, which had enough electric force to incapacitate a rampaging bullmammoth, seemed to have about as much effect on Issei as a gentle tickle. His brown hair stood on end from the static electricity, giving him the appearance of a particularly unruly porcupine.

Raynare exchanged a profoundly perplexed glance with Dohnaseek, questioning if she'd mistakenly thrown a dud lightspear. It was as if they had been transported to a parallel universe governed by the rules of slapstick comedy. They watched in stunned silence as the young boy returned the lightspear.

It blazed through the space between them with the speed of an interstellar jet, slicing through the air with an otherworldly hum.

Raynare's raven hair flapped dramatically as the projectile sailed past her, leaving behind a trail of bewildered sparks. Dohnaseek, momentarily entranced by the dazzling display, contemplated whether he had accidentally wandered into a magician's circus instead of a police operation.

The lightspear continued its journey, leaving a pair of very confused and now highly terrified Sentinels in its wake, who were now deeply questioning their own strength, training, and life choices.

"Damn, I missed," Issei muttered, his voice colored with the nonchalance of someone who had just thrown a poorly aimed dart in a pub. "I won't miss next time, though."

Raynare, having narrowly escaped the prospect of having her upper frame turned into pink mist, couldn't help but be relieved. She promptly sank to her knees, her recovery far from graceful.

Dohnaseek sensed the gravity of the situation and the undeniable power that Issei possessed, and quickly realized that he needed to change his approach. He and Raynare could at least hold back against Town-level Disaster Level, but the kid was undoubtedly several grades above. He couldn't afford to let this anomaly slip away or become an actual threat. And surrendering him to the Bureau seemed too much of a waste.

Moreover, this presented a golden opportunity.

Taking a glance at Issei's parents, who were now in their fifties and looking bewildered, he saw a potential angle to exploit.

"Kid," Dohnaseek began, his voice edged with a seriousness that hinted at a past filled with close calls. "You've got some serious power, but the world isn't kind to those without Magic. No matter what you do to me or Raynare, our higher-ups and the entire world will track you down to the ends of the earth. Your family will be in constant peril. Maybe you can handle the heat, but can your parents do the same?"

With a glance at his parents, who were now reaching their fifties and had seen more than their fair share of hardships, Issei knew that he wanted nothing less than a life of peace for the people who had raised him with love and care.

"S-Son…" Miki muttered, really questioning if she really had managed to carry this behemoth of sheer strength in her womb for nine months. "...You don't have to do this."

Issei took a moment to think, his brow furrowing in deep contemplation.

"No, Mumsy. I think I have to. I want you guys to live in peace."

"I-Issei…" his father started to tear up, touched.

Finally, Issei nodded. "Let's hear the deal first, Fedora Guy."

Fedora Guy offered a sly smile. "What I want is simple: prestige, recognition, and opportunities. You'll enroll in an Arcane Academy of my choosing, and I'll be your sponsor. If you rise to the top of the ranks at this prestigious institution, or even just get in its top Peerages, it will benefit me greatly. In return, I'll keep quiet about your lack of Mana, handle Officer Takashi, and ensure your family lives in peace and abundance."

"Like sending them to Hawaii and stuff?"

Dohnaseek leaned forward, a grin playing at the corner of his lips. "Yes, Hawaii and more. All expenses covered. We're talking top-tier vacations here."

"Hawaii…?" Gorou mused, his voice tinged with dreamy nostalgia. "Hula girls, tropical drinks... I've always wanted to see that."

"Gorou…"

"Hmmm…" Issei narrowed his eyes, contemplating the offer while his mother reined in his father's daydreams with a pinch. Easy to see where he'd inherited his perverse tendency, really.

Meanwhile, Raynare, seated on the floor but with a sharp eye for personal gain, chimed in as she picked herself up, her voice trembling with determination and perhaps a touch of fear. "I-I can help him keep his secret. File his case as undercover work. But I want my piece of the pie too, Dohnaseek."

"As per usual, of course." Dohnaseek smirked. "What do you say, kid?"

"Does that place have hot babes?"

Dohnaseek smirked. "Tons."

With a resolute stare, ambition blazing, Issei slid down the staircase railing with an air of casual rebellion. As he touched down at the bottom, he pointed a finger at the two bewildered Fallen Angels before him.

"Say no more, should've started with that. You've got yourself a deal, mister."

Gorou and Miki exchanged glances, their faces reflecting a medley of relief, gratitude, and lingering confusion about when their adorable son had evolved into a powerhouse. They couldn't help but wonder if their Goddess had lent a hand in guiding their beloved boy on this unexpected path. ...Although, the Goddess did mention their son is just a normal Human... back to a time before magic took over.

His moment of coolness, however, took a nosedive as Issei obliviously asked, "What's a Peerage? A magical sort of porridge? I'm warning you: I'm no good at cooking."

To be continued…

Have you read/watched Mashle?

No? Wdym no?

Well, you should. You're missing out. It's OPM but Saitama has actual screen time

This story is heavily inspired by that, but DxD with danzy's special spice

Dzanzy will there be a harem? pft, do you really need to ask?

wut about lemons dzanzy we horni- but of course. don't we all.

well, maybe. later on. there's tons of cast and I definitely won't limit the cast to just the popular dxd casts or just dxd. I bet Whimsy can already sniff out one. the reference is pr much on the nose

Ingvild will definitely be there because I haven't used her much in my other stories. So will Lavinia Reni, because we must have spicy sorceress with big magical mommy milkers to be the hot teacher. A spangle of Fate characters, and since I want Issei to have his own band of bros like Mash did in Mashle, I gotta think of this one for a bit more. There's Vali, obv, and Sai, but I've used Sai as best bro twice now, while I haven't touched Vali because I just think he's really bland

i can grow boobs on him, rename him with the basic Valerie or Valiana and push this fic onto a cursed territory and earn much flak

amusing as it is, I think i won't shoot my genderbending raygun after turning kiba into a dudette twice in my other stories (Death's Chosen and Fates Reforged btw)

There's Freed but... his rep is shitstain. Can't make him best bro material without turning him completely OOC.

Currently there's Saji, Riser, Vali, and Bikou as prime candidate. Though I'll probably just add them all one by one into his growing group. Power idiot attracts power idiots after all

follow and favorites. reviews.

They're the determinant I'll see to judge if I'll continue the story or not, and i'll likely decide it after the next chapter - it's already done, btw

also do tell me what you want to see most. is it budding romance, fight scenes, unique Rating Games, character interactions (and if so, who), and so and so