You don't know why you do this anymore. Going on walks takes so much energy, pushing your already weak body past its limits because you didn't feel up to breakfast. For the 5th time this week. As you are looking around seeing cars drive by, you are thinking about how everyone else would be better off without you.
You have gentle music going on in your earbuds but it's only making you feel worse and more stuck in your thoughts.
Shaking your head you try to deter the voices. It was a pretty busy day. And so many people were out.
You wonder if anyone would notice.
You keep walking hoping to make it to the bridge just after dark. So you don't have to traumatize someone else.
Looking up you made eye-contact with a guy made of fire, Or at least you think it was eye-contact since he only had glasses.
He nodded at you. You nodded back and quickly looked down so you wouldn't be a burden even on a stranger. Not noticing the weird look he gave you before you walked by, or the slight quiver in his flames as he got a closer look at you. Not noticing the shiver that wracked your body wasn't just from the chill.
You turned your music up higher so you could drown out your thoughts. Just repeating to yourself to keep walking, it'd be better for everyone. You wanted to cry, but you new that would bring attention. Trying to hold back you felt a few slip down your face, you wiped them away quickly trying to get them to stop but it was a lost cause. You were so focused on trying to hide your face and stop the tears you didn't notice the figure you were walking past. Didn't notice anything amiss until you felt a-
-YANK! With a flash of blue that entered your vision for half a second.
As your hood was pulled harshly around your neck choking you for a second. You couldn't stop the backwards momentum.. And you fell harshly on your back, dropping your music and probably bruising yourself for tomorrow. Hearing a car zoom by and the exhaust huffs at you. You lay there dazed for what feels like 10mins but was probably like 30secs.
"Hey kid you good?" You look up to see a skeleton in a blue hoodie. He has a big smile on his face but it seemed tense. "I'm sorry for yanking on your hood, I tried calling to you…cause there was a car coming but I think you were a little too lost in your music and didn't hear me. You good?"
Oh… oh wow you just got saved by a monster. On a day you weren't planning on making through. You feel like an idiot. Part of you is grateful someone cared but you also kinda wish he just let it happen. Despite that not being your original plan for the evening. You figured getting taken out was easier than doing it yourself.
"O-oh… yeah.. thats… umm fine, thank you I'm fine just… just a little lost in my music like you said and I wasn't paying attention. Im so sorry. " You can't even talk right. You are a little shocked at the change in events and feel shaky. You realize you probably still look like a wreck, a tired and sad looking pathetic girl, can't even come up with excuses for a stranger.
"You sure kid? cause that was a close one." He has a look of pure concern and it makes you want to throw up, you don't deserve anyone's concern you were supposed to stop ruining people's lives bot adding more to the list.
"Im sorry, it's just b-been a long day and I'm like super tired but I'm really f-fine I promise." You are basically mumbling to yourself. But you know he hears you. He's giving you a look, a look that feels unwelcome, a look that almost screams pity over how pathetic you are. You want to start crying again, but quickly turn your thoughts off as best you can so you can focus.
"It's all good kid. Looks like you're having a rough one. Hey, I'm Sans by the way, figured I could at least introduce myself as I did just save your bones." He's joking but also not and you both can tell. You can't help but think about how it's not a life you want.
"Umm.. I'm uh.. T-Talia, it's nice to meet you. I am really sorry about that, it was dumb of me. I should've been paying attention." You cringe at yourself. God you are a baby. He probably wants to watch you fall off a cliff (you know that's a conflicting thought when he did just save your life). You smack yourself on the head for emphasis. "Just a little slow up here today."
Everyday, your mind corrects, but you don't say that out loud.
"Like I said, kid, you are all good." He gives you a funny look with a big smile as if he's trying to really get a point across with those words. Which made you feel even stupider because now you are annoying by with even your apologies. "Hey kid, why don't I walk with you? It's a nice day out and you look like you could use the company, and I kinda don't wanna watch the news to find out you walked into traffic with your head in the clouds. Heh."
He says it like a joke but you can see the hint of seriousness.
"S-sure I guess… I don't wanna be a bother heh b-but I wouldn't mind that. Heh." You figured you could use company on possibly your last day, you know it'll be worse tmrw if you keep going. "Uh.. umm do you wanna walk somewhere in particular?…." You look at his shoes, noticing he's wearing pink slippers instead of outside shoes. You are really hoping he has some where in mind, you don't really want to bring him to the bridge.
"Well there's a pretty great park just a couple blocks down I've been meaning to check out. Shouldn't be too far outta your way. Heh." He's swaying back and forth in the spot waiting for your response. You feel kinda baffled a stranger would want to hang out with you when even your family and friends don't want to. You give him a small smile, partial grimace.
"Y-yeah that sounds great…ummm… l-lead the way." You side step a little and give a small swish of your hand to let him start walking. He gives a smirk and starts walking with you following behind. You walk in silence for a while block before Sans breaks it.
"So I know it's nunna my business but where you headed looking so down in the dumps?"
He asks it so casually it makes you trip over yourself a little before you correct it. You take a breath trying to think of an innocent thing to say as to not disturb the friendly skeleton. You don't want to come off as weird. You don't need the concern, it's all in your head anyway.
"Umm…. Well… I w-was…. Headed over to the b-bridge because uhhh… walking… like… clears my head a lot and I've just h-had a long day and needed to get out of the house for a bit." You try your best not to mumble it yourself knowing how annoying it is for others. You are trying so hard to make it sound believable you miss the slight look sans gives over his shoulder at the word 'bridge'.
"Yeah well the bridge ain't nothing special. I think you are gonna like this park." You can hear the smile in his voice and it makes you smile a bit to yourself pretending just in your head maybe you could pretend this is the start of a friendship. "And hey, I get you on needing time outta the house, can be a bit stifling in there with your thoughts."
"Heh….yeah."
You look up just in time to catch yourself from bumping into his back. Realizing you have to wait for the signal to change to cross the street. You are really confused what sans gets out of offering a stranger a walk to a park or why he thought your stupid ass was the one to offer it. Like yes he saved your life but that just means you should owe him, not the other way around.
Not to say you aren't grateful for a change in routine.
Hearing a beep you both start walking across the street, seeing a giant moss covered sign with 'Mildew Park' written on it. You have only been here a couple times, the first was a school trip. The other time was with someone you are trying desperately to not think about. You pinch your eyes shut and shake your head trying to dispel the thoughts.
"Welp, here we are." He pauses slightly at the sign, snaps a picture with a phone you swear just appeared out of thin air. And turns to you with a smile. "Gotta make sure I show my bro I actually did something other than nap today he's gonna be so proud. Hehe." He gives a slight chuckle, his sockets closing slightly in mirth. "Hey maybe you could meet him sometime. He loves making new friends, and you seem pretty chill for a human. I bet it'd make his day."
You felt your world lurch a little bit at that. Like your soul crunched in your chest. Friends? Did you hear him wrong? He wants to be friends with you? No. No you had to be misunderstanding him. Who would want to be friends with a worthless waste of spac-
"Kid you still in there?" You startle slight realizing you must've missed something. Stupid. Sans is looking at you with… concern? Judgement? It was hard to tell but you felt embarrassed either way. Quickly you nod your head.
"Y-yeah no I'm good. I… ummm I would love that heh." You gives him the brightest grin you can muster, must still look off if sans eyes were any indicator but he seemed to shrug it off.
"Well alright kid let's get going. Don't wanna get too boned down yet.heh." He gives you a look that is somehow comforting despite you not being able to tell what it means.
You both start walking again, more side by side now that you are in the wide paths of the park. You still feel shaky from not eating but you didn't really bring anything to help with that and figured you could last til tonight, you've done it before. It's not like you need it anyway with how heavy you feel.
You found yourself mentally agreeing with Sans, the park really was beautiful, more than you remembered. Maybe this isn't such a bad last day after all, maybe in the end you could pretend you aren't alone in this world. Maybe you could trick yourself that this was friendship already and go peacefully.
You guys walk mostly in silence with sans making a few jokes and you giggling at them, even if you've heard a lot of them before. You guys talk about a bunch of different things. He tells you about his awesome brother and a few of his friends. A lizard and a fish??? Two big goat people?? Monsters are cool but they do confuse you a little bit.
You don't give him much info about you even at plenty of requests. You don't lie, you just don't tell the full truth.
"So kid how old are ya? It's hard to tell human ages when you are only really used to monsters who barely age. I mean I know I look like I should be 6feet under to the humans up here. Heh." He's looking up at all the trees but you can tell a lot of his attention is on you and how you respond. You can already tell he's pretty perceptive, hard not to notice with the way his energy feels. You have this itch to tell him you wish you were 6 feet down but you know you can't just go telling that to the first bit of positive attention you get.
"I'm uhh 16." You have to bite your tongue from over sharing. You taste blood.
"Alight, thanks kid. I'm 600." He says it so factual you believe it for second even if it blows your mind.
"Really!?"
"Nah not really, I mean monsters age slightly different from you folks but I guess I'd be closer to like 24 to you all."
"That's really cool."
"I guess heh."
You guys continued in silence for a bit. Just enjoying the scenery. Makes you sad. Are you ever gonna get to experience anything positive like this again? Do you deserve this kindness? No you don't so you don't understand why it's happening. You deserve to be falling off a cliff right now.
"Hey kid it's getting pretty late, got any place you need to be tonight?" He looks at you with warmth. Makes you feel like you have his whole attention. Something you can't even get from those close to you, not anymore.
"N-no not really.. just…gonna go sit at home or something…"you cringed at your own voice, at the lies and sadness seeping between your teeth. Felt like it was coating your lungs and making it hard to talk, " m-maybe play a game or some-something." You finished lamely with a lopsided grimace at his smiling face. His eyes seem to be be looking for something in your face, and looked reserved after he found whatever he was looking for.
"We'll my bros making supper tonight. His signature dish, been working for months to perfect it. I'm sure everyone would appreciate the extra company." And just like that it felt like your world was caving in again. Crushing you with the weight of your own existence in other peoples lives. He's inviting you over? Maybe it's stupid to be scared of being killed when you were literally planning to kill your self later.
That's just it isn't it?
You are planning to end yourself. This is a possible out, a way to make it seem like an accident, a way to make it seem more of a tragedy. A way to take the blame off you.
You sigh a little while you search yourself for the right response, Like who knows, maybe this will be the night you actually enjoy yourself but that seemed very slim. You kinda wanted to see what would happen.
"…S-sure… that's sounds fun…" After a few moments you look up at him with the kindest smile you could wear, he seemed to be a little surprised but returned the smile.
"Well alright then kid. Come with me I know a shortcut." He started walking across the grass over to a dark hole in the bushes.
"A shortcut? through there?" You started after him once again fumbling over your own feet. Once you reached the bushes with him he briefly grabbed your hand. You had the sudden sensation of falling, a weightlessness that consumed your whole body before landing you harshly onto pavement.
You try to catch yourself before you tip over……
You fail.
"Fucking o-owww!" You land harshly on your knees and hands, scraping both. You manage to save your face from the same fate though. You look up after you stop, sans is looking at you with you both amusement and confusion.
"Heh. I've never had someone do that on one of my shortcuts, but maybe after our first meeting I shouldn't be surprised." He offers you a hand with a smile, you take it and haul yourself up off the pavement. Both your hands and knees are slightly bleeding, god you wish you were capable of being more than just a clumsy mess but apparently that's impossible.
"Thanks." You mutter embarrassed.
"No problem kid. Now why don't we go see if Paps is done with dinner. Think imma turn into a skeleton if I don't get some grub. Heh." You can't help but chuckle at that. Looking over you see a warm and cozy looking two story house. Painted blue, with a brown fence surrounding the extremely big yard, Sans must live out of town to be living on this land, it just screams peaceful and welcoming.
You both head towards the house. Truly is bigger when you get closer to it. You can hear sounds like… screaming and yelling? With loud banging happening? What were you guys about to walk in to? Sans wasn't reacting so this was probably normal. The door opened to a warm yellow interior.
"PAPYRUS YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT!!!LIKE THIS!! …..NYAHBHHH!!"
"O-OKAY HERE I GO…. NNNYEHHH!!!!"
Around the corner seems to be an explosion of tomatoes and seasoning. Once you get a good look at it you see a lady with an eye patch who seems to be a fish, covered in tomatoes. Standing next to her is a taller skeleton who is equally covered in bits. You assume that must be papyrus as Sans said his brother was cooking. You aren't quite sure what kind of cooking they are doing but it sure seemed messy.
"Sub bro. Looks almost like someone pasta-away in here, was it our grub?"
"SANS THAT WAS AN AWFUL PUN, AND OUR SUPPER IS ALMOST DONE SO DO GO SIT DO-" papyrus cuts himself off as he realizes that you Sans has brought a guest. "SANS DID YOU MAKE A HUMAN FRIEND TODAY? I DO NOT REMEMBER SEEING HER BEFORE!" Papyrus bounds over to you in just a few strides, and whips his hand out to you.
"I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS THE COOLEST BROTHER BEFORE SANS! WHO IS THE SECOND COOLEST" you don't understand how skeletons can smile or smile so wide but it makes you feel welcome which isn't something you usually feel.
You feel a bit displaced inside yourself. Like you are watching through the window of a microwave. Like you are suddenly smaller than an ant. You came here fully expecting to die, and now you are the centre of attention. You are struggling to keep up with everything going on, this is the most stimulation you've had in months and it's a bit overwhelming.
"H-Hi I'm uh Talia… it's nice to meet you…" you try to hide your face with your long brown hair trying to feel more secure with all the staring.
"IT IS QUITE NICE TO MEET YOU AS WELL, I ASSUME YOU CAME OVER TO TRY MY AMAZING COOKING?!?!" His eyes sorta shine at you despite being holes. You can't help but smile at his enthusiasm.
"Yep, Sans was telling me about how you've almost perfected your..umm… signature dish." You stumble over your thoughts trying to figure out what food they were making. Cringing and getting ready to get yelled and/or judged you unknowingly tensed up. Sans looked like he noticed but decided not to comment.
"WOWIE!! SANS WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT MY SPAGHETTI?!?" Papyrus looked like he was about to cry from joy and you still couldn't help but feel guilty. He probably knew how much of an idiot you are.
"Yeah and I'm really excited to have some,
s-spaghetti is like one of my f-favourite foods heh." You are still so zoned out you are struggling to form words, you can't seem to process anything. You are such an awkward mess you hate it. You can at least tell how stupid you sound.
"WELL THATS EXCELLENT, ME AND UNDYNE SHALL FINISH UP SO YOU CAN HAVE MY AMAZING SPAGHETTI, NYEH HEHEHEHEH. WE SHOULDN'T BE TOO MUCH LONGER!" With that papyrus immediately turned around and started banging things again with undyne hyping him up. You feel small and like you have just barged into these nice monsters house despite being invited. You look over at Sans to find him sitting at the table looking at you. At your glance he offers you a seat. You managed to shuffle over and sit.
You kinda wish you had something to do with your hands other than fiddle, suddenly feeling dumb you didn't bring your sketchbook despite having a good reason. You wanted your mom to be able to keep those after you left. She always loved your art.
Your whole world slams to a stop when you realize that you don't know what to do anymore since your plan would be hard to pull off tonight. You are becoming more scared of what Tomorrow holds for you as you can't avoid it now. Your hands are shaking. You feel like you are gonna throw up, but you're stuck at this table surrounded by strangers who don't even care.
"Hey kid." You jumped a little and quickly looked up at Sans, god you were probably just sitting there like a weirdo staring into space he raises…. an eyebrow? At you? "Wanna tell me about yourself a little? I may be a skeleton but I ain't here to rattle your bones."
"Ummmm… yeah I could I guess… I don't know heh… what d-do you wanna know?" You keep wringing your hands together, trying to rub the nerves away. What about YOU could possibly interest a skeleton? You are just a normal stupid girl.
"Well… what are some of your hobbies? I imagine you have other ones than long walks and almost becoming a skeleton like me." Your face blanches at that a little, why does he have to keep bringing up that embarrassing stunt? You didn't even mean to, you were hoping you'd be gone by now not delving into your interests.
"Well… I uhhhh… l-like to draw… and I love a-animals…. I like to listen to music…." You can't help but stop talking as you realize you don't even know what you like anymore. You are just so used to saying certain things, and it's not like anyone else notices. People will take your word for things even if it doesn't make sense, because truly no one cares.
"That's cool kid. You seem like the kind-hearted kind of human so that doesn't shock me. I have a pet rock, maybe I'll have to introduce you, I warn you he's a bit dense. Heh" You are too busy trying to figure out if he's serious about a 'pet rock' to notice his pun. How does that even work? Is it a monster too and that's how it's alive? Is it just a rock?
"Here kid, Paps might be a bit." He flicks his boney fingers, and suddenly the table is covered is art supplies….. for kids. You look down to notice you have crayons and some paper in front of you. You figure it couldn't hurt, would probably help with your nerves.
"Thanks." You mutter as you start doodling… smiley face, weird blobs, knives…..ropes
….. red dripping off of the ceiling…….. the…
……..the ceiling………
……
….
..
.
"Kid?"
Awareness slams back into you as you flinch aggressively from the hand suddenly on your arm and the voice by your ear and the noises all filtering in as you fall off the chair hitting the back of your head off the floor with a loud CRACK! Pain immediately crashes into you as you let out a startled shriek.
Quickly sitting up you grab your head…. Fuck it felt like it was exploding. You breathe heavy for a moment. Squeezing your eyes tight because damn the lights hurt right now.
You feel a shiver run through you unnaturally, and a very light brush against your arm. You can't help the slight flinch that shakes you. Making your head pulse harder.
"Hey kid…. Can you look at me for a sec?" Opening your eyes into a squint you notice Sans is crouched in front of you, he has a wary stance, both his hands were hovering around you instead of touching. He was obviously worried based on the look on his face, he gave you a smile when you made eye contact. It wavered as you made eye contact.
"There you are… now. I need you to do something for me, you just hit your head pretty hard, I don't really want you to stand, but can you move??" He nods and pauses at you, he seems to be waiting for a response of some kind but you aren't quite up to speed on what's happening. You feel like jelly on a swing at this moment. "Kiddo I need to know if you understand what I'm saying okay?" Talking feels impossible at this moment, you try to nod but whimper, curling up further. That hurt a fuck ton. What does he want from me? I don't know what to do right now.
"Okay… shit, fuck uhh.., okay kid, I'm gonna pick you up, and carry you to our couch… don't freak out on me k?" You feel some bony arms in circle you, you lean in to Sans hoodie as he picks you up like a child. You are so confused. What had happened? Why does your head hurt so much, you want it to stop.
"Shhhhhh I know, I know kid that was a much much heavier fall than earlier… I guess 3rd times the charm. heh." You feel yourself being lowered onto a very soft plushy surface and being directed to be on your right side. You don't want to open your eyes, you feel embarrassed, you want to cry. Why does your brain do this? Why are you broken? You kinda know what happened but now complete strangers are having to deal with you. You still feel so lost and confused. No one's meant to see your pain.
"Hey kid, I uhh know your head probably hurts but I need you to look at me again okay?" You open them to see Sans worried face in front of you. Again he smiles when your eyes connect.
You feel sluggish all of a sudden. "That's great kid…. Now I need you to follow my finger with your eyes, you understand?" He doesn't wait for a nod because you aren't gonna give one knowing how much that hurt earlier. you offer a grimace. You manage to follow it mostly but find your eyes want to close…. So bad .. they feel heavier the more you try to follow it.
Suddenly Sans snaps in your face making you quickly look over at him. "Okay… kid imma be honest I think you gotta concussion…….. which means you are officially staying here tonight, and no sleeping yet…… " you blink owlishly at him quickly, that somehow registered right away.
"No…" even just that makes you wince but you can't… you can't stay…. You can't be a burden on others…. You can't be here…. "I c-c-can leave….. I don't want to take up space…" you mumbled the last bit as you lost a lotta steam saying all that. You feel outta breath, like you don't have enough air. Everything feels like it's shrinking in on you.
"Kid you're staying here you can't even talk right……." You feel him sigh above you. He grabs on of your hands, pauses, then presses the palm gently to his chest. "Breathe kid…. Okay? I need you to breathe….. follow mine okay?" You try to focus on his chest moving, only now realizing how little oxygen you are getting. You almost panic more at the thought. Opening your eyes again they find Sans, he's taking exaggerated breaths, rubbing your hand as he holds it.
"That's it kid just fill those lungs of yours, you kinda need oxygen if I'm not mistaken. Heh"
Tears gather in your eyes as your lungs slowly start expanding more and more. You feel scared, you feel like you are both lost and fully conscious. Like the world is spinning…. Very fast you feel bile start to come up.. you trying to swallow it, you mostly succeed, it's a very thick swallow…. You feel your saliva gather and you know you aren't gonna win next round.
Something must've alerted Sans because when you puked it was into a trash can… you don't know how he got one so fast but you are very thankful. Only bile came up as you hadn't eaten all day, it burned it way out of you. You come to awareness with someone holding your long hair up, and a hand running along your back gently.
"That's it kid let it out. Damn what did I get myself into tonight heh." You were too out of it to notice much of what Sans was saying. You want to sleep so bad. "Now kid before I feel comfortable letting you rest I need to clean that head wound."
….
Wound? You're bleeding? Unconsciously you go to check with your hand but it's caught in a firm grip, making you flinch and whine from pain. "Sorry kid, just keep your fingers off okay? " he disappeared so, but was somehow back a second later with a first aid kid with a weird symbol on it.
"Now kid some of this might be uncomfortable but I need you to stay awake. Let me know if it hurts too much." You zone out but understand what he's saying, having a bit more awareness. He moves your hair a bit, see him grab some gauze and slowly feel it press on the hole in your head. A few tears slip out and you bite your tongue trying not to whimper again.
After that things get a bit blurry, you know you are awake but you don't really know whats going on, you just have pain radiating from what felt like everywhere. The world is too loud, you hear voices talking to each other, but can't really tell what they're saying.
"…they….a….right?"
"…..fell……hit pretty….hard…concussion……..stay here….?"
"Yes……..good…. I hope……..rest…….tomorrow…."
You disappear again for a bit, not being real.
You are so tired. Why'd this have to happen tonight of all nights. You knew you wanted to avoid another day and now that's like impossible to do. You wonder how much more Sans need to do before you can pass out. You tune in when you hear a voice next to you, close enough you pay attention.
"Well….. kid, I'll bandage your hands and knees… then you can probably let go and sleep a little, cause I know you are awake by a thread right now…." You feel him sigh next to you before he takes your right hand. "I'm not even sure if you are awake now…" you don't have the energy to move, you feel him gently wrap your hand. "Gosh kid I may not know you well, but I can't just ignore someone's soul screaming like yours was when I was walking by. You've shown me in just a few hours how desperately you need help… and I'm making it my mission to help, you seem like a sweet kid. Now get some rest kiddo."
You don't get much choice after that, cause your world immediately starts fading further and further away as you finely get some much needed sleep.