Disclaimer: I do not and have never owned Attack On Titan. Characters belong to the original author.
This was inspired by my friend, who was playing anime-truth-or-dare with the discord chat bot; she received a dare to "dance like your favorite anime character" and responded, "So, spin around in circles like a beyblade?"
To which I suggested she hold some butterknives in a reverse grip while doing so, and she said it should be chef knives instead (note: she didn't actually do this, we were just kidding around), and...voila! This popped into my head.
Deep Announcer Voice:
"You are watching: Cooking With Levi, the award winning show, teaching you that conquering even the most difficult of recipes can be possible with an Ackerman at your side!"
Scene cuts to Levi furiously chopping onions
"He's so fast, he makes the onions cry!"
Stirring batter
"So strong, even chocolate crinkle cookies practically mix themselves!"
Pans to Levi glancing at the camera
"So deadpan and witty, even your mother will love to listen to him talk!"
Music swells as Levi finishes the intro off by wiping down an already sparkling clean kitchen
"And don't forget to stay tuned for the bonus hour: How to clean your kitchen to a shine after making a horrible mess!"
Eren, the kitchen assistant, pops in just long enough to say- "It's his favorite part of the show-aaack!"
Eren, the kitchen assistant, is tackled out of camera view by Mikasa
Announcer continues: "So come on in, and join us for another episode of: Cooking With Levi!"