INTRODUCTION:

In this story, Emi and Hisao reconnect in their 30s after not having seen eachother for almost two decades. This is also an unofficial sequel to Eurobeatjester's incredible fanfic Learning to Fly. In that continuity, Hisao ends up with Saki Enomoto. She suffers from a fatal degenerative neurological disorder called ataxia. I thought ahead to the tragic conclusion of their relationship and I came to the realization that a Hisao that had experienced such an extraordinary loss could really use Emi's help, and she could still use his. Once that clicked in my mind, this whole story sprang to life, and I had to get it out. While you don't have to read Learning to Fly for the story to make sense, you will probably appreciate it more if you do. And it's amazing, so you should probably read it anyway.

FILLING IN SOME GAPS:

Because Learning to Fly is currently incomplete, I have filled in some of the gaps.

Saki and Hisao get married at 18 so she can be free of her dad, and be together as long as possible. As her ataxia worsens and she can no longer play the violin, she shifts towards music composition. Because she wants so badly to leave something behind, she becomes a very successful and prolific composer in the years she has.

By the time she is 28, her ataxia has advanced enough that she is ready to go. The story picks up on the sixth anniversary of her death.

While Chisato and Mitsuru broke up so he could go to school in Korea, he does return to Japan after completing his studies, and the two are married by the time this story picks up.

STRUCTURE:

The first 22 chapters encompass the main story arc. There are also 9 epilogues that cover major events in their lives after that story arc. Each of these is from the perspective of either Emi or Hisao. This portion of the story is complete.

There's also a "Part 2" that is still in progress, but I can't tell you much about it here without spoiling things. Suffice it to say, it follows some of the characters you'll become familiar with in the first part.

Chapter 1 (Hisao)

"Okay, class. That does it for today. Remember to do the reading on the laws of thermodynamics before Monday, as we'll be doing an exercise in class. Have a nice weekend everyone."

As I pack up my things for the day and say goodbye to my students, I start to steel myself for the events that are coming this evening.

Today is the anniversary. I'm going to visit her grave later with Chisato and Mitsuru. We were good friends before Saki's passing, but over the last few years we've become a lot closer. Sometimes I feel like they think they have to take care of me, especially on days like today. It can feel a little degrading sometimes, but truth be told, I do appreciate everything they've done for me over the last several years.

...

"Do you want us to leave you alone? We can go wait in the car until you're ready."

Chisato and Mitsuru have already paid their respects to their friend, but then can tell that I'm not ready to go yet. This is the usual way of things. I always want to stay later than they do.

"Yeah that would be good. I'll just be a few more minutes."

With Chisato and Mitsuru gone, I feel my vision start to blur as I look at my wife's grave, and tears start to silently flow down my cheeks. I don't feel like I can cry in front of them, because they are always so worried about me already. They look at me like I could break at any minute. Who could blame them? It isn't that far from the truth.

I feel pathetic that it has been six years and this day still affects me this much. I feel so much despair and sadness every day, but it's so much more intense on the anniversary. But why wouldn't I feel this way? I loved her…still love her so much. I've felt a hole in my life for the last six years. It just isn't fair. Why did she have to have ataxia? Why did she have to be taken from us so young? She deserved so much more of a life than she was given. Now the tears are really starting to flow.

Eventually I've cried myself out, and most of my negative emotions seem to have left with my tears. She wouldn't want me to think so negatively about this. I smile as I read her name and trace it with my finger. She did so much with the life she was given. She loved so hard, and really left her mark on the world with all her music. I'm so happy and thankful for all of that. She really did live a full life with the time she had. I'm happy I was part of it. I'm happy she was able to go out on her own terms.

But I still miss her. So much.

I stand up and wipe away my tears before walking back to the car. I get back in without saying anything, but give a nod to Chisato, and we head back to their place.

We've just enjoyed some takeout from Saki's favorite restarauant, and now we're just laughing and reminiscing about some of our favorite Saki memories. I talk about the day we met by chance, when I was just trying to find some art supplies, and how she almost immediately began teasing me like she had known me for years. We laugh about the time she made us miss the bus back to Yamaku and we ended up stuck at the beach. We talk about how incredible her performance was at the end of the year concert the day before graduation. We talk about how amazing it was when her first song won a national contest.

Before long it has gotten late, and I stand up, say goodbye to my friends and take a few steps towards the door.

But before I can leave, Mitsuru says, "Hisao, can you just stay a little longer? There are a few things we'd really like to talk about with you. We're…worried about you."

I scoff in frustration but sit back down. "It isn't news to me that you're worried about me. Do we really need to have this conversation today?"

"Yes. I think a day where Saki is at the forefront of all our minds is a good day for this."

I sigh loudly but gesture for them to continue.

Chisato takes over from here.

She looks at me with deep concern all over her face. "Hisao…you made a promise to Saki that you would keep living life to the fullest without her. You promised you'd find happiness, and even find love again one day. But you aren't doing that. You aren't trying to make new friends. Hell, I'm pretty sure the only places you go are the school, our house, and your house. You don't even like to go out with us. You don't ever want to come over when we have company. At some point…you need to start living again. It's great that you've thrown yourself into school, and that you're accomplishing some great things in your professional life since we lost her. But what about your personal life? She... wouldn't want to see you like this. We don't want to see you like this."

Something in my mind snaps, and I leap to my feet and scream at them.

"Don't you THINK I already know that? Do you really think I need YOU TWO to tell me that I'm letting Saki down by being like this? Don't you think I know she would probably HATE the person I've become? Don't you think I hate the person I've become?"

I feel my heart rate start to elevate. I need to calm down. I shouldn't be yelling at them anyway. They are just trying to help.

I sit back down in my seat and avert my eyes from them, and I quietly speak.

"I get it. She was all about doing everything she could with the time she had, and right now, I'm wasting mine. I think about it all the time."

Chisato comes over and crouches to hug me while I'm seated. I feel her body shaking as she starts to cry quietly. I put my hand on her back.

"Look. I'm sorry for yelling. I'm just upset. I'm not angry at you two. I'm thankful for everything you have done for me. I wouldn't be in as good of shape as I am now – such as it is – if it weren't for you two. I promise that I will eventually turn things around. I just… I need more time. But, I am trying, okay? I'm doing the best I can. I won't always be like this."

Neither of them seem convinced by that.

With Chisato incapacitated, Mitsuru takes over.

"Well, that's all we can ask for. Just keep trying, okay? But...we're not just worried about your mental state. We're worried about your health too. With your condition, don't you need to be exercising? It doesn't seem like you've been doing that for some time."

He's not wrong. My exercise regimen has really dropped off. Swimming became too painful for me, and I haven't really picked anything up to replace it. I do at least walk a lot in my daily life, but I should be doing more. Still, I don't want to talk about this right now.

"Can't you just…lay off? Isn't discussing one of my major shortcomings enough for one night?"

"Can't you at least…think about taking better care of yourself?"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever."

Chisato breaks our hug and seems to have recovered, and she rejoins the conversation.

"That doesn't sound very convincing."

I sigh loudly again and cross my arms.

"I know you're right, okay? My doctor isn't exactly thrilled with the turn things have taken either. I've already been thinking about finding some new way to exercise. I probably need the outlet. It will probably help in more ways than one."

"Good, I'm glad that you've already been thinking about it. I'm sorry we ambushed you like this. It wasn't…exactly planned. But seeing you like this tonight was really hard. You…don't seem well, Hisao. We love you, and we wouldn't be good friends if we didn't speak up about it."

"Oh, so I look awful too huh?" I say half jokingly. "You were right to talk to me about this. I just...have really shut myself down. I need something to get me going again. I'm going to try to do better. Hopefully, by the time of Saki's next anniversary, I'll be in a better place."