Chapter 18 – Paris

They woke up late the next morning, had a leisurely brunch in the hotel's restaurant, then went back up to the room to change into their bikinis so they could spend the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon relaxing by the pool.

After a late lunch, they went up to their room and took a short nap to recharge. Afterward, they did a little wandering around the area of the hotel and made some plans for the rest of their time in Paris.

Their first two full days were spent following a walking tour that was on a blog called Anywhere We Roam. The two guys, Mark & Paul, who run the blog gave a good rundown itinerary for a three day trip to Paris. The girls had ten days so they followed the itinerary loosely in order to spend more time at certain attractions (like the Louvre and Notre Dame).

The third afternoon, they were relaxing by the pool.

"San?"

"Yeah?"

"I wanna go out dancing tonight."

Santana sat up and looked at Brittany. Since The Incident In Brussels (which is the only way Santana could think about it; like it was an Agatha Christie novel), Brittany hadn't been … Brittany. Santana couldn't explain it but they hadn't really kissed or made love since that night. Brittany had seemed to enjoy the sights but she almost seemed detached. She didn't take as many pictures; she seemed … subdued … that was the word. She was subdued, not her normal bubbly, enthusiastic, smiling self.

"Um, okay?"

Brittany took a deep breath. "I … I think I need to. I can't be afraid of clubs or dancing and right now, I am. I think," she finally looked at Santana, "I need to feel normal again." She finished in a whisper. A tear slipped free and Santana moved from her chair to Brittany's and knelt next to her, cupping her cheek and softly swiping away the tears that continued to slide down Brittany's cheek.

"Whatever you need, babe. I'm here. I've got you."

"Thank you."

xoxoxoxoxo

Later that night they were ready to go; Brittany was in an emerald green dress that was fitted to her waist then flared out to below her knees. Santana was in a fitted black dress with red accents down the side.

"You ready?" Santana asked her.

Brittany nodded resolutely. "Yeah. Let's go."

Santana took her hand and looked into her eyes. "I love you. We don't separate. One of us goes to the bar, we both do. Same thing for the bathroom. Stick together on the dance floor. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, we leave, okay?"

Brittany nodded.

It was ten p.m. when they got to the club. The bass was thumping and the place was packed. Santana held tight to Brittany's hand and led her to the dance floor.

For the first few minutes, Santana was sure Brittany was going to bolt; her timing was off, her eyes restlessly roaming the crowd. Then the music grabbed her; she started moving fluidly letting the music flow through her. She and Santana were completely in sync by the time the second song started; grinding, spinning, twirling, carving their own space out on the dance floor.

For the first time since The Incident In Brussels, Brittany was Brittany again. She smiled as she pulled Santana close then swiveled to the floor, hands raking down Santana's sides. She turned so her back was grinding against Santana's front then reversed their positions.

They danced several songs, always touching each other, winding each other up. Santana felt Brittany letting go; she actually felt like Brittany again. Brittany tugged at Santana's wrist, pointing to the bar. Santana nodded and they headed over to the bar. Santana ordered a rum and coke, Brittany ordered a pina colada. They stood off to the side drinking their drinks and watching the crowd.

Brittany leaned down and talked into Santana's ear. "Thank you, San, I think I really needed this."

Santana smiled at her and kissed her cheek. Maybe this is exactly what Brittany needed.

Xoxoxoxoxo

They spent several hours dancing and didn't return to the hotel until after two a.m..

When the door closed behind them, Brittany pushed Santana up against the door and kissed her hard. It was almost violent as Brittany started pawing at her. This wasn't right. It all felt wrong; the kiss, the way Brittany was touching her … it wasn't right.

Santana tried to stop her. "Britt … wait."

Brittany continued to kiss and paw at her even as Santana struggled.

"Brittany! Stop!" Santana managed to finally get away from her and stood there breathing heavily. They'd had rough sex before but this was different; Brittany had actually hurt Santana this time.

Brittany looked at Santana then slumped to the floor, tears flowing freely down her face.

Santana was beside her in an instant. "Britt, what happened? What's going on?"

"I'm just a piece of meat. That's all I am and I can't even satisfy my girlfriend."

Santana was stunned. "Honey, what are you talking about?" Santana tilted Britt's chin so she could see her.

"That's why he picked me. I'm hot. Just another piece of meat in the market. I'm only worth what someone would have paid for me."

"Oh, honey, no. No, baby, you aren't a piece of meat. You are so much more. His MISTAKE was thinking that all you were was a beautiful, blue-eyed, blonde. You're so much more than that; you're a heart and a mind. An amazing, loving heart and a brilliant, beautiful mind. You are so incredibly special, Brittany Susan Pierce."

"I'm not. If I was I wouldn't have needed you to save me. If I'd been smarter, more aware." She shook her head. "Why would you even want me?" She dropped her head again.

"Brittany, look at me." Santana waited until Brittany looked up. "You helped yourself before I got to you. If you hadn't struggled against him, I would've been too late."

Brittany looked at her in confusion.

"Britt, even with the drugs in your system, you knew you shouldn't leave without me. You were pulling against him, slowing him down, telling him you couldn't leave without me. If you hadn't slowed him, I wouldn't have had a chance to help you get away."

Santana brushed away Brittany's tears. She stood up and offered Brittany her hand. Brittany took it and Santana led her to the bedroom. She slipped out of her own dress then slowly stripped Brittany out of hers. Santana stood looking at her beautiful, wonderful, amazing, hurting blonde and considered the best way to proceed.

Santana stepped to Brittany and, with a feather-light touch, traced the contours of her face; her hairline, her jawline, her cheeks, her chin, forehead, and nose. After she'd traced them, she started to kiss them with the gentlest kisses ever.

She repeated the process with Britt's neck, collarbones, and shoulders; feather-light touches followed by gentle kisses.

She slowly removed Brittany's bra and underwear and led her to the bed and laid her down softly.

"I love you so much. Yes, you're beautiful and hot but you're so much more than a body, sweetheart." She continued the feather-light touches down Brittany's body. "I love you because of all the things you can't see. Like the way you look at me. Do you know you have a different way of looking at me depending on the situation?" Santana smiled, following the touches with gentle kisses. "But even when you think I'm being crazy or mean, you still look at me like I hung the moon and the stars."

Santana worshiped Brittany's body with her touches and her kisses until Brittany was trembling and had tears sliding down her cheeks and into her hair.

"I love you because of how your mind works. The creativity, the vibrancy. The way you bring stories to life with your photos and songs to life with your choreography."

Santana continued her ministrations. Feather-light touches followed by gentle kisses down her body. There was nothing sexual about them; they were simply affirmations of adoration.

"Santana …" Brittany's voice broke.

"I love how you love. Deeply, fully, loyally. Courtney. Your parents. Lord T. Your friends."

Once Santana had touched and kissed every inch of Brittany she returned to Brittany's face and looked her deep in the eyes.

"Me."

She leaned down and caught Brittany's lips in a sweet kiss.

"I love you, Brittany. I will always love you. You are the owner of my heart and I don't know what I'd do if you weren't in my life." She whispered against Brittany's lips as she pulled away.

She stood up and slipped out of her bra and panties then crawled back over Brittany's body. She maneuvered Brittany onto her side then slipped in behind her, cradling her; her front tight against Brittany's back.

"If we weren't able to ever have sex again, I would still love you and want to be with you. You are my best friend, my lover, my one true love. I don't know what I'd do without you." She said softly in Brittany's ear, placing gentle kisses on Brittany's shoulder.

Brittany was crying in earnest now. Santana kept holding her tightly and whispering love words in her ear. She didn't care how long it would take; she would stay up all night to let Brittany break apart and help put her back together.

It may have been minutes or hours later when Brittany turned in Santana's arms and looked deep into her eyes. "I love you." She leaned in and gently kissed Santana's lips. "You are … incredible." She snuggled against Santana, tucking her head under Santana's chin. "Thank you," she whispered before sleep finally claimed her.

Santana held her tightly. She kissed the top of her head and gently stroked her back. She knew it wasn't going to be this easy; but it was a start and she'd take the win.