Red Hot Catholic Love Bart gets abused by one of the catholics many, many perverted bishops. We all know what they get up to... Oscar is being weird over the green bear cub from Happy Little Elves again and there's a giant spider ruling over the Vatican...
== Plot ==
Father Sean's cathedral. A bishop is talking to his flock.
"Parents, it's that time of year again when the bishops and priests from around the country are organizing the Young Men's Catholic Retreat. Where we will be alone, unsupervised with your children..." said the bishop. Um okay sus... really, really sus...
Parents glare at them.
"You can't prove nothing!" The bishop yelled.
Father Sean interrupts before he can further put his foot in it. "Don't worry, your kids are in good hands, We'll make macaroni art... sing camp fire songs..."
"That sounds pretty fun." said a catholic choir boy.
Bart gave him the stink eye look.
"Terrance... The whole place is home to a billion Ted Bundys..." Bart shivered in disgust. Well you had to go Latino...
"A catholic boat trip?" Terrance's father raises his eyebrow.
He is thinking about Isaac Washington shooting Abraham Lincoln.
"I dunno..." said another father.
"Stop being so suspicious! You heretics!" The bishop yelled.
"Bishop Kidtoucher please..." said Father Sean. Yeah real sus name...
Bart winced uncomfortable.
"I'm only here for the pancakes..." Homer frowned.
"I don't like this place... Why I hear The bishops..." said Marge.
"Marge that's a stupid rumour! They don't do that to children!" Homer frowned.
"Oh and I suppose Troy McClure commits bestiality with fish then..." Marge sighs.
"Yeah he's like Kanye West from our universe!" said Stan from South Park.
Another father was imagining the boat trip. His imagination went downhill as he started imagining not so subtly the bishops and priests exposing themselves and stroking the choir boys in a creepy manner.
The father screamed.
"Honestly!" Bishop Kidtoucher sighed.
"You're all sick freaks!" The father yelled.
The bishop frowned.
...
Mass ends, everyone goes to their cars.
"Hmmmm... I don't know Homer oh Oz why did you have to be so forceful in accepting Bart's new faith..." Marge sighed.
"Mom I'm catholic now... drop the subject..." Bart said annoyed.
Marge grumbled.
"Bart I support your choice of faith but maybe the rumours are true..." Lisa felt uncomfortable.
"That every boring, stuffy bishop in there is Ted Bundy? Or Jared Fogle?!" said Bart.
"Or MJ..." said Hugo.
"Shut up! MJ is actually innocent!" said Oscar.
"Yeah suuuuuure Oz..." said Hugo.
"Look if this doesn't work out, Bart can always become a Scientologist... Gahahahaha!" Oscar laughed.
Bart seethed at him.
"Everyone just get in the car..." Homer sighed.
"Look, I just don't think it's the best idea to let our boys to go on a c-cruise with the priests." said Terrance's dad.
Omg! the unholy Jareds!
His wife sighed.
"There's no way my son's going..." said a dad.
"Then you're all (Censor bleep) going to (Censor bleep)ing Hell you paranoid heretics!" Bishop Kidtoucher swore.
Father Sean sighed and face palmed.
"Crush them! In da name a Jebus!" said Archdeacon Homer or Pope Homer.
"What are they talking about?" Terrance asked his friend um... Ishmael...
"I dunno." said Ishmael.
"Maybe they want to kill us?" said Jeremiah. Seriously the deeply devout call their kids stupid biblical names!
"No you ding dong! They are not planning to do that..." said a kid.
Homer's pink car.
"Praise Xenu!" Oscar yelled.
"Shut up! Do you want my voice actress to quit?!" Bart yelled.
"Oh like Chef's because he couldn't handle the truth..." said Oscar.
...
Daycare centre because it is summer and the kids are getting in the way of Marge and Homer's snuggle time.
"We're horny! babysit out kids for the next three weeks!" Homer yelled dumping the kids on the daycare centre.
The friendly staff winced.
Oscar was making aeroplane noises while scribbling. Bart was bored.
"Sharon no! don't ask the kids those sort of questions!" said a daycare worker.
"But those rather dumbassed parents from Colorado asked me to ask the kids if their bishop went Jared Fogel on them..." said Sharon.
The constant mention of buttholes lead Cartman into disturbing ideas of reverse digestion.
"If you eat food with your butt then you puke poop?"
"Cartman that's gross!" said Kyle.
"Yeah your sick man..." said Stan.
"It's just a theory..." said Cartman...
Subway the sandwich place.
Jared was eating a sub...
"With those tiny cocktail weenies..."
"Jared you are sick!" A Subway worker yelled.
"And lots of mayonnaise..."
"Dude! stop!"
The catholic church catacombs.
The creepy priests were praying to something.
That something was a giant spider! The giant spider sat in the middle of an equally giant web.
"Holy macaroni!" Oscar yelled.
Nemo, Satan's youngest son grimaced.
"Why am I here?" asked 30 Hs Harry Potter wearing his chainsaw astronaut costume.
"Why not?" Oscar grinned.
The giant spider hissed.
"Hi Shelob!" said Oscar.
The giant spider sounded even more ticked off.
"Sorry, Charlotte..." said Oscar.
Nemo sighed.
...
Day care, South Park.
"Why were they discussing our butts?!" Stan asked.
"Maybe they're gay..." said Cartman.
They were then sent to the creepy clown therapy room with the clowns on the walls!
"Aaaaaaaagh! Cloooooooooowns!" Billy screamed. Yeah he some how ended up in that universe...
Kyle winced.
Simpsons house
"Hugo, Hugo, Hugo, Hugo..." Oscar repeated rapidly.
"WHAT?!" Hugo yelled.
"You haven't answered my question..." said Oscar.
"It's not important enough for me to ponder and ruminate on!" Hugo yelled.
"Just answer it!" Oscar snapped.
"Oz does it flippin' matter if I consider Jessica Rabbit to be a human or a rabbit?!" Hugo yelled.
"But she's purdy... But I don't go for that weird furry crud..." said Oscar.
Hugo sighed.
Oscar was thinking about Jessica Rabbit.
"This is a waste of my genius brain..." Hugo sighed. He climbed up the attic ladder. sighing wearily because Oscar was bugging him. He went to his laboratory.
However his cleaning robots were watching John Wayne westerns.
Hugo grimaced baffled.
"Hugo remember our last personal vacation? The one's your jerk of a dad ain't invited to..." Oscar asked walking about the attic.
"We got buried up to our necks in sand and sandwich jelly smeared on our faces..." said Hugo.
"Noooioo... That was that part of an episode of Sharky and George when I wet my diaper until it leaked..." said Oscar.
"Look I am very busy buddy, bother some else..." said Hugo.
Bart's room. Bart is holding his crucifix rosary and doing a cross gesture before praying.
Marge seethed as she did not bring him up to pray that way.
Bart prayed to a poster of Mary, Jesus's mother. the Latin side is obsessed with Mary...
...
The parents all gathered at Ned's.
"Well Hi diddly Ho-" said Ned.
"Shut up Flanders..." said Homer.
"With everything that's been in the news, I think it's best to keep our kids... far away from the priests." said Terrance's father.
"Oh shut up! It's those Queers and drag queens who are corrupting our kids!" said a trailer trash hick.
"Shut up you homophobe! It's the priests!" Terrance's dad yelled.
"Such liberal projection... It's your side altering the natural order with this homo stuff!" said the bigoted hick.
"What are you all yelling about..." Ned sighed.
"The catholic church!" Terrance's dad yelled.
"What the?! I'm protestant! Lutherism to be exact! I don't care what problems are marring your church!" Ned yelled.
"Now, come on, everybody, just because a few priests in the country have been corrupted doesn't mean that..." said a father.
"Trust me, They're all weird..." said Terrance's dad.
Meanwhile the vatican catacombs.
The weird priests were still praying to the Queen Spider.
"My sister was in Doctor Who you know?" said the Queen Spider. Yeah the Planet of the Spiders...
The priests prayed.
There were also alien priests! They were squid like beings...
Pope Sidious aka Chancellor Pope-atine was baffled. Seriously Pope Benedict XVI is Darth Sidious!
The Simpsons house. Marge is in the kitchen with Oscar checking his blood sugar because of his diabetes. It was too low so she jabbed him to give him a dose of insulin.
"Ow!" Oscar whined.
"Sorry dear." said Marge.
"And then you leave a crater." said Cartman.
Oscar snarked. "More like You'll leave a crater..."
"Shut up!" Cartman snapped.
Marge frowned at the rude, ill manned fat boy.
...
The Attic. Hugo is typing at his computer. his evil computer... mwuhahahaha!
"Just a couple more lines of code... and done! Now I can control every computer in the Pentagon! Gahahahaha!" Hugo laughed.
"Quiet! freak!" Homer yelled from the landing.
Lisa visits Hugo. "Hey Hugo."
Hugo is busy typing.
"What are you doing?"
"Hacking..." said Hugo.
Lisa gasped. "Hugo don't do that! You could get in a lot of trouble!"
Hugo sighed. "Lis, you're the good natured genius trying to solve world hunger... I'm the evil genius..."
Bart was reading a comic upside down and picking his nose.
"And Bart's the moron..." said Hugo.
Lisa chuckled. "Yeah that's true..."
== Plot 2 ==
Church, Sunday or Saturday.
The Simpsons without Bart or Lisa drove to church. Because Lisa is a buddhist now and Bart's catholic.
"Maybe it's for the best Bart no longer attends Lovejoy's church. He'd only laugh at that mentally handicapped kid when he sings Amazing Grace..." said Marge.
In church a mentally handicapped black teenager sang Amazing Grace off key.
"Amaaaaaaazing Graaaaaaaace..."
Oscar laughed.
"Oscar that's not funny!" said Marge.
"Simpsons please take a seat..." said Reverend Lovejoy.
Richard Gere's temple.
Lisa was trying to meditate but Boy George was dancing to Culture Club songs.
Karma Chameleon was playing.
Lisa sighed.
"George turn that music off..." Richard Gere sighed.
Then Ribena sued his boyfriend...
Captain Zapteria arcade, the mall.
Bart was playing Rocky III vs Clara Peller.
"Where's the beef?"
"You're not so bad."
"Where's the beef?"
"You're not so bad."
Bart sighed.
McGee from McGee and Me appeared. "You're supposed to be in church buster! Not playing these ridiculous, money guzzling machines..."
Bart sighed.
Lovejoy's church. He had another boring lecture.
Oscar was fast asleep snoring. Marge glared at him.
Homer was snoring too.
...
Later during prayer Oscar squirmed.
"Oscar sit still. Why are you squirming?!"
"I HAVE TO PEE PEE!" Oscar yelled.
Everyone gasped offended.
On the way home from church.
"Oscar I am very disappointed in you!" Marge told him off.
Oscar made his "Sad puppy" face.
"Ooooooooh! I can't stay mad at that face! So adorable!" Marge cried and hugged Oscar.
Homer sighed. "Marge You've got to stop falling for that..."
Hugo was scratching himself like a dog.
Father Sean's cathedral.
Bart was praying.
"Bart I need to see you in my office." said the creepy Bishop.
Bart shrugged and went to his office.
We cut to outside the cathedral. Bart screams loudly and birds fly off in a hurry.
At home. Lisa is already in. Bart lets himself in rattling with the lock. Lisa sees he is sweating and trying to get away from someone or something. "Bart? What-"
But he fled upstairs and shut himself in his room.
Elsewhere Cartman was still going on about reverse digestion and throwing up um number two.
"Cartman enough! That's disgusting!" Kyle yelled.
Cartman was still being disgusting.
Marge and Homer got home.
"Bart's really upset about something. He's sitting in the bath crying." said Lisa.
Bart was scrubbing himself with a loofa. "Unclean! Unclean!"
They soon found out he was upset over something serious. That creepy bishop molested him.
Marge cried and hugged Bart.
Homer screamed in fury.
The Simpsons gawked worried.
...
Homer calmed down.
"Homie?" Marge asked.
"Marge, Bart... I am going to see that bishop at that cathedral and I am going to murder him..." said Homer eerily calm.
"Dad no! You'll just make it worse!" said Bart.
"That attitude is why that freak MJ is still walking free!" Homer snarled.
"Enough of the accusations about MJ!" Oscar snapped.
Lisa sighed. "Oz he obviously did something..."
Oscar frowned at her.
"We have to go to the police!" said Marge.
"No! break the bastard's knees!" Oscar snapped.
"Oscar! Language!" Marge told him off.
"Oz violence doesn't solve everything."
"Everyone just cool down..." said Marge.
"I just want to smash that freak's face in!" Homer snarled.
"I know! We should geld him!" said Oscar. "That means slice off his-"
"I know what that means Oscar! And no!" said Marge.
"Guy's seriously, you cant take the law into your own hands..." said Lisa.
"Yeah Dad, so it okay for me to hit people..." Bart frowned.
"In this situation, yes." said Homer sharply.
Marge sighed. "Homer I know you're protecting him but still.."
Later Bart was curled up on his bed traumatised like whenever Sideshow Bob gets out of jail.
Elsewhere all the parents in South Park became Atheist.
"No! You must have God in your life!" Marge yelled.
A girl with glasses wearing winter clothes and mittens demanded they go to church and apologise to God.
Stuart, Kenny's Dad, wanted to kill God. yeah um...
"Stuart that's ridiculous..." Randy sighed.
...
Later Oscar is wearing his dinosaur sleeper, zip up costume. rock music plays as he enters the lounge. Oscar roars.
"Sasshhhh! Oscar I just put Maggie down for a nap!" Marge hushed him.
Oscar pouted.
Lisa made a model city with Maggie using her blocks.
"This city needs to be stomped!" said Oscar wearing his dinosaur sleeper.
"Oz no!" Lisa whined.
"But I am a giant rampaging monster..." said Oscar.
"Fine... what are your powers..." Lisa sighed.
"I uh breath fire..." said Oscar.
"Can I just knock down one building..." said Oscar.
"No rampages mister! You have to get ready for Üter's Birthday party!" said Marge to Oscar.
The mall. First they went to Wee Monsieur's. To get him a nice outfit to wear.
Bart groaned because the store sold geeky clothes.
"Mom do not make him wear Argyles!" Bart groaned. "Or knitted tank tops with rhombuses!"
Marge sighed.
Then they went to Donner's Party supplies to get balloons etc.
Oscar made Hannibal Lecter rasps. (It's a reference to an accident in the mountains where some climbers got stuck and had to resort to cannibalism...
Marge sighed.
Then they pass Goose's Gags and Gifts.
"Can I buy Üter's gift from there?" Oscar asked.
"No! He doesn't want to be pranked!" said Marge dragging him along.
"You don't know my friends..." Oscar seethed.
Marge sighed.
At Üter's birthday party. Üter's gift from Oscar exploded in his face, giving him a face stained black with soot and his hair spiked up from the force of the explosion.
Oscar laughed.
...
Father Sean's cathedral.
Homer pulled up in his pink car.
Bishop Kidtoucher came back from getting a coffee to find Homer spraying "Pedo scum!" all over his office in green paint.
"What in blazes?!" The creepy bishop yelled.
Homer screamed in rage and punched him, knocking him out.
"Oh god!" Homer gasped.
His family found him hiding in the playroom aka rumpus room.
"What happened..." Marge sighed.
"I punched that freaky bishop in his three hundred year old face!' Homer cried.
"Coooool!" said Oscar.
"Not cool! We don't live in an eye fir an eye society anymore Oz..." said Lisa.
"Well we should!" said Oscar.
Marge and Lisa sighed.
"Great Dad... Now you have an assault charge on your head..." said Bart.
"I was just trying to help!" Homer said frustrated.
The Simpsons sighed. "We know..."
Later Oscar was sat in the lounge wearing just his diaper and letting his living teddy bear creature sniff his diaper with his big wet shiny black nose.
"Oz can you not! Especially after what I've just been through!" said Bart annoyed.
Oscar glared at him.
"Dad's not the only one to lose his temper trying to defend his son." said Lisa.
We cut to Peter Griffin getting in serious trouble punching a Sports Mom heckling his son.
"Get Moby Dick off the field before he burps up a license plate!"
Thwack!
"Hey! You just hit my mom!" said a boy.
"No I hit your dad." said Peter.
"Oh my get her some air!" said someone.
"Uh get him some air..." said Peter.
"Oh my! She's going into labor!" said someone.
"Uh he's going into labor..." said Peter. "Uh oh..."
...
Home, everyone is getting ready for church.
"Bart are you sure you won't reconsider coming back to Lovejoy's church?" Marge asked.
"Mom I'm catholic, I just can't go into church until that weirdo is gone..." said Bart.
Marge sighed.
Lisa gave Bart a forlorn look of sympathy as she left for temple.
Once they went Bart went back to bed and wrapped himself up tight.
"Mmmmm... cinnamon bun..."
Then he took a whizz with the door open while singing camp musical songs. Ie anything by Gene Kelly...
"(Bart singing broadway tunes...)" Bart sang while peeing.
Oscar stood in his room in his diaper and grunted as if he was clenching a muscle or trying to take a dump. We hear a faint trickling sound of a liquid being poured onto soft fabric ie the inside of a diaper. He sighed relieved.
Bart then sang in the shower.
"Swear in there too!" said Oscar.
"No..." said Bart.
"Ass!" Oscar yelled.
== Plot 3 ==
At church Marge prayed fir Bart to get justice. Ie that bishop to get arrested.
Lovejoy was reading another boring sermon. as such Homer fell asleep again. I also liked it when he banged his head.
"Damn it!" He yelled.
Everyone gasped at him offended.
At Temple. Lisa meditated. Scuzzlebutt's from South Park, leg was in the temple because his leg is also a Buddhist celebrity.
"Oz... Patrick Duffy is not Scuzzlebutt's leg..." Lisa sighed.
Boy George was singing again.
Lisa sighed.
At home. Bart was sat playing Bonestorm while wearing a diaper.
Oscar gasped.
"Uh I can explain!" Bart stammered.
"Explain later in Season 26 when you bring this up again!" said Oscar holding a sign that said Spoilers!
"Speaking of your sudden ABDL tendencies, I have to make Syrus Truesdale from Yugioh GX wear a diaper..." said Oscar.
"Okay that's just weird..." said Bart.
Duel Academy, Slifer Dorm.
Syrus and Jaden were talking about card games about summoning monsters and shit. Suddenly Oscar appeared and zapped Syrus with his wand, replacing his clothes with a diaper. Yeah Syrus in a diaper...
"Oh darn it!" Syrus whined.
Oscar laughed and left.
After church. Police stop the Simpsons.
"I'm sorry Homer. That bishop fella is pressing charges." said Wiggum. Homer is arrested.
Homer protests. "This is a democracy!"
"Look Homer, if it makes you feel any better, I would have done the same thing if he hurt my Ralphie." said Wiggum.
Homer sighed as he was taken away.
Graggle slurped his Squishee.
...
At home.
Bart made Homer's moon waffles and butter.
"I thought you said the liquid smoke gives you a rash?" Oscar asked.
"I know but I like making a mess." Bart grinned.
Oscar shrugged.
"Well I have to pray to the waffle god anyway." said Oscar.
Bart winced exasperated.
He made a mess trying to make a moon waffle and gunked up the waffle iron.
The waffle was ready but burnt and mangled.
"What have you done child?! I'm an abomination!" the waffle god cried.
Bart sighed.
"Mmmmmm... sacrilicious..." said Oscar.
They then watched the Three Stooges together.
"Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!"
"You chowder head!"
Oscar laughed.
Bart the glued a waffle to the ceiling.
"Oh why do you mock me Lord?!" Oscar cried.
"Ok seriously! You need to see a shrink!" Bart groaned.
Later Bart got dressed just in time for his family to get home.
"Where's Dad?" Bart asked.
"He got arrested." said Hugo.
"This is over him punching that bishop..." Bart sighed.
Marge nodded.
In the kitchen, Marge sees the mess he made.
"Ooooooh Bart..." Marge grumbled.
She cleans up.
Lisa frowned at Bart.
...
Elsewhere at the Vatican.
"How about you freaks stop molesting the choir boys!" Father Maxi yelled.
"The Queen Spider mandates we do that instead of sleeping with women though..." said the perverted priests and bishops.
Father Maxi face palmed.
Also the alien priests, well the female... well their reproductive organs resemble the almighty Sarlacc.
"How do you expect us to mate with that?!" said the squid alien priests.
Elsewhere in the catacombs.
Mighty Max was wrapped up in a web cocoon in the web of the Queen Spider.
"Why?!" He asked.
"Because you keep getting captured by giant spiders..." said Oscar.
"That happened once!" Max whined.
Simpsons house.
Quiffy was eating a Dagwood sandwich. those silly tower sandwiches in cartoons.
Marge sobbed.
"Mom?" Lisa asked.
"Oh it's just that your father liked making those ridiculous sandwiches..."
"I wonder how he's doing..." said Bart.
In jail.
Homer was in a weird backwards jail where the pedos beat up the other inmates instead of the other way round.
"Ow! Ahhh! Ow! My spleen!" Homer cried.
At home Marge was comforting Bart because he was emotionally fragile right now because of what happened. He was lying on his bed while she stroked him.
Oscar was wearing a pan on his head and making lots of noise because he was bored. "I am so great! I am so great! I am so great!"
He was swiftly dropped off at Ned's to play.
"Well Hi diddly ho Oscar!" said Ned in a cheerful manner. Wait he's always cheerful.
"I was getting on everyone's nerves!" Oscar grinned. Ned guided him to the lounge where Rod and Todd.
...
Todd gawked as all the christian cartoons were there.
"Omg talking vegetables!" Oscar yelled.
"Vegetables don't talk in your world?" Larry the cucumber asked.
"Pickle carrot tomato... pickle carrot tomato..." Oscar chanted.
Then Todd recited his lines as Taylor the human in Planet of the Veggietales.
"Get your stinking hands off me! You damn vegetables!"
Rod gasped offended.
Then McGee and Me.
McGee dropped an anvil on another Toon. He winced as they got crushed.
Then he began reading from the bible. "Ie the moral is don't listen to talking snakes offering you fruit..."
Then the Storykeepers which was considerably less goofy.
"Evil Nero!" Oscar rasped. Emperor Nero had obviously evil bags under his eyes.
"Can you stop playing the persecuted victim card?! Your people burnt my mother at stake!" Ace the vampire ranted.
"Hi Ace!" Oscar waved in a cheery manner.
Seriously the Roman era christians needed Asterix to clobber a few Romans.
"Oh and this cartoon is new." said Rod putting on Lenny and Sid. a cartoon about a cartoon rabbit with a big, wet, shiny black nose.
"Goo gah! shiny nose!" Oscar babbled like an infant. He winced as he wet himself.
Rod hushed him as he watched the wholesome cartoon.
Later they had glasses of water and cucumber sandwiches. Oscar felt woozy. "Must have sugar..."
"Oh I'm sorry Oscar but my boys can't have sugar." said Ned doing his taxes.
"Ned I have diabetes, the strain where I die if my glycerol gets too high... I require my insulin or sugar! I'll die without it!"
Ned sighed.
Oscar was sent back round the Simpsons.
"Blood sugar's low..." said Oscar.
Marge sighed.
...