III.

I want what you want

She was so tired of being scared, but mostly she was tired of being lonely. Always so afraid of being vulnerable, she used what happened between Peter and the other Olivia as an excuse to run away and put the blame on somebody else, instead of acknowledging her own cowardice. Of course, knowing that the other Olivia occupied a place that was supposed to be hers, was extremely painful, she felt robbed of something that she didn't even get to have, it stirred up all her insecurities and fears of having a real relationship, which she never really had, except for her sister.

But that was in the Past.

Peter came back for her. He was still here, waiting for her. And she's been so focused on herself that she forgot he was hurt too, he was used, deceived, and manipulated. And she was tired of it, tired of complicating something that could be easily fixed. Back there, at Mrs. Merchant's apartment, Peter's words crawled to the bottom of her soul and nested.

– You've already had what most of us only dream of. A lifetime with the person you love. Look around you. Your entire house is filled with mementos, photographs, ticket stubs. Evidence of a life shared with somebody. Proof that what you had was true and real.–

Life was so short and it could change so quickly, one moment you're here and the next you're gone, like what happened to Derek and Mrs. Merchant. – The world is falling apart, for Christ Sake! So here she was at his doorstep determined to take matters in her own hands. And she was going to be brave.

– "Peter, what you said to Mrs. Merchant... I want what you want."

– "And what do you think we should do about that?

She smiled softly and leaned in, to press her lips gently into his, he responded in earnest. Just a soft sweet peck, and then another, and another… She pulled away to look at him, to remember how beautiful he was despite her fears. She understood now, this was not about not being afraid, it was about being afraid and still trust that what they had was real and true and that was their strength. They belonged together, pulled each other like magnets that could find each other through time and distance.

And she didn't want to waste one more minute of her life by being apart from him.

– "Am I glowing?"

– "No" She lied. But she was determined, and bold. And despite her anxiety, he was beautiful surrounded by that soft shimmer.

So she took his hand leading the way up the stairs to his bedroom, ready to claim back what was hers to begin with. She was leading and he followed. He would follow to the end of the world, through one universe to the other if he had to. He already did, and she knew that.

She was pulling him by the collar of his shirt, walking backwards guiding him through the hallway to his bedroom, kissing him on the mouth full tongue from time to time, snaking her hand on the back of his neck. She wasn't really sure which one of all the doors upstairs was his. But it didn't really matter. She was controlling this and he was letting her. He knew she needed to do this on her own terms, she needed control to feel safe. So she kept pulling him as he gently guided the way, with his hands on her hips until she hit the right door with the length of her back, and pushed it open. Pulling Peter inside as they kept kissing. They didn't even bother to turn on the lights.

She was taking her time to explore his mouth fully for the first time. There was no rush. She played this moment over and over in her head.

And she intended to savor every moment of it.

She suckled softly on his lower lip, and she received his tongue happily drinking her inn, to claim full access inside. The softness of his lips brushing through hers. The savor of his mouth. The smell of his manly and musky scent filling her nostrils. It was delicious. The kind of kiss that made her toes curl, and her insides tingle and pulse. Soft fingers threading his hair. His arms embracing her completely. And he was hers.

She could stay like this forever just kissing him, soft and long, and deep and wet.

She finally found an old recliner sofa. And pushed Peter by his chest strongly to the sofa. He dropped himself on it and splayed there pleased and expectant, waiting for her to decide how far she wanted to go with this. Whatever it was, the sight of her was enthralling. The light of the moon falling down her body, from the window nearby. She looked ethereal.

She stood in front of him, looking down as she unbuttoned her coat and slid it down her arms, to throw it to a chair nearby, followed by the tangled scarf around her neck.

– "Take out your sweater," She instructed. He obliged, as she was now unbuttoning her jacket, and then her shirt, button by agonizing button, he didn't want to miss any of it.

She was mesmerizing.

She was nervous, he could tell, and he loved her even more for that. For her willingness to put herself out there. Be vulnerable and brave, and jump with him. And here they were freefalling together.

She finally got rid of her shirt, her belt and heavy boots. And walked to him straddling his lap, wearing only her black slacks and bra. As he slid his hands on her thighs and hips caressing up and down gently. She put her arms around his shoulders and kissed him fully with devotion. She unbuttoned his shirt slowly and pulled it out. As she angled her hips to align her heated core to his growing groin, only separated by the fabric of their slacks. She started a soft motion rubbing herself against him, as she spread her hands and slid them on his bare chest softly.

She locked eyes with him, not ever wanting to break that connection, the kind of connection that can tell what you're thinking or feeling, without the need of words. She turned her hands towards her back to unclasp her bra, and let the black straps fall over her shoulders slowly, as he hooked his finger by the middle of it to slide down the plain piece of clothing, finally revealing herself to him.

He felt like a castaway finally getting to the mainland, just by looking at her beauty. Her breasts were like a hand-carved marble sculpture. Milky white, full, heavy and plump on her chest. They were perfect. He couldn't stop admiring her, looking at him with untamed golden hair strands and slightly parted raspberry swollen lips, abused by his kisses and the rash of his stubble.

– "Put your hands on me."

She took his hands to cup her breasts, the perfect fit on his hands, her rosy nipples perked up to the attention, hardening at the soft intrusion of his thumbs caressing and squishing.

He leaned in to the front to kiss her jaw and neck as he slid his hands through the full length of her chest and back. Exploring thoroughly the back of her ear, the length of her neck, feeling her pulsing point. Accommodating her hips to have better access to her neck. Taking mental notes of the places where she would moan and whimper, and call his name. He felt like Magallanes exploring new territory for the first time.

Some could say he explored this path already with the other Olivia, but they were wrong, with her he could never be thorough, everything was always in a rush, fast and rough. Not giving even time to take it in. Ending as fast as it began, like a shooting star dying before it could fall to the ground. On the outside they could look the same, but they weren't the same. – How could he not know?

For instance, like the Cassiopeia constellation he discovered just now below her collarbone, tracing a pattern from one dot to the other with his tongue. He followed a soft slow trail with wet kisses from her collarbone, to her sternum with his tongue. Until his silklike lips finally found the peak of her breast waiting eagerly for him to finally turn his attention to it. His tongue carefully tipped the velvet of her shy dormant nipple, the one time getting it fully erect, happily responding to his attention. Pleased with the response, he went in full mouth to eagerly suck and lick, and squish deliriously from one breast to the other. He loved it there, the silkiness of her skin, he loved the response of her body to his attention, loved the soft moans and whimpers he was inciting on her. He now declared that territory, his. So he suckled soft and hard each of her nipples until they were strawberry pink and tender, happily overused by his tongue and raspy chin.

All this consideration and care to her sensitive nipples, made her heated soft-core tingle in anticipation. So she increased the friction grinding against his hardened groin.

– "Oh God! Liv! You are killing me." The strain inside his pants was too much to bear.

She smiled to herself pleased, she loved the effect she was having on him, she felt empowered and in control and she was gonna keep it that way. She shifted a bit to unfasten his belt, skillfully. She undid the button of his jeans and opened the zipper, she got on her knees in front of him and hooked her finger at the waistband of his pants to pull them down. He helped her by lifting his hips making it easier for her to yank his jeans all the way to his ankles.

On her knees she squished herself between his legs, and she fondled the bulge restricted inside his trunks through the soft fabric. He closed his eyes and held his breath. She loved to hold this power over him. She wanted to absorb every twitch, every pleasure expression on his face. She wanted to hear him beg and scream her name. She pulled gently at the elastic band of his trunks pulling them down, letting his cock sprang free.

She was pleased with what she discovered, and bit her lip with a chaste expression. His penis was perfect, long and thick but not in an exaggerated manner, she was mesmerized. – Mine!

– "You are big!"

He seemed satisfied with her approval.

She leaned in and took his penis in her hand sliding her thumb across the velvety head, stroking up and down gently. She got closer and put the head on her mouth suckling softly at first holding the base of his cock with her hand firmly.

– "Oh God Livia!"

His cock was both, silky soft skin and a hard rock rod. She bobbed her mouth up and down trying to accommodate him all the way to her throat, his scent was masculine and clean, her lower belly twitched with excitement as she heard him moan in ecstasy, knowing quite well what she was provoking in him.

He smiled in sexual bliss as he watched her blow him. She traced her tongue along his length from the firm base of his shaft all the way to the head, and closed her lips again over his perfect silken head. He trailed his hands on her hair, to uncover her face and watch her swollen lips stretching over his wide cock, loving him so erotically, as she looked up with a wanton leisureness. His balls tightened at the sight of such an erotic scene. She was being so generous in her ministries. He could die right there, a happy man, and he wouldn't care.

As much as he was loving it, if she kept this going he would embarrass himself, so against his own will he pulled gently at her face to make her stop.

– "Livy.. honey! Your mouth feels amazing, and perfect but I don't think I will last long if you keep this up… Please!"

She stopped and looked at him with swollen glistening lips, her eyes were smiling in bliss. And he could swear she was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen in his life.

She stood in front of him, watching his naked form in abandon and bliss on the sofa, completely surrendered to her. So she started to get rid of the last piece of clothing remaining on her, unzipping her slacks, as she slid them down her thighs to fall down to the floor, followed by her black panties.

And there she was completely naked right in front of him, showing herself to him openly, no more holding back, no more fears or doubts. This was the man she wanted, she was his and he was hers.

– "You're so beautiful!" He extended his hand to her and she took it, he pulled her to him and turned her around to sit on his lap; her back against his chest. He snaked his arms to the front of her waist, brushing his lips on her shoulder.

Her butt is sitting on top of his shaft. She slid her wet core along the length of it spreading her slickness over it. Peter snaked his hand from behind to slide his fingers to the juncture between her legs, running one of his fingers through her slithered lips folds, spreading her wetness up and down, rubbing her clit, dipping his fingers at her entrance, getting her ready to take him in full length.

He brought back his hand, to take his slick soaked fingers near his nose, to inhale deeply and took a taste by suckling softly, his index and middle finger. Feeling intoxicated by her scent and taste.

– "Liv, honey… It is you… it was always you… My Olivia.

He angled her to align himself to her entrance, with a motion of his hips upward he pushed gently the tip of his head inside, but not penetrating completely, as she gasped in a pained-pleasure moan.

– "Oh God, Peter!"

He waited there for a moment letting her get stretched and accommodate her body to him, she finally moved her hips towards him to slide him in all the way to the base, and it was heaven, she was tight and enfolding him completely. For a moment there she kept herself still, holding him inside tightly, she felt… completely filled, she wasn't ready to start moving she needed to relish in the sensation just a bit. – They were a perfect fit.

She started rolling her hips slowly at first fitting him in fully, aided by him grabbing her hips to give her leverage. The motion was deep, gliding in and out, hitting her very core, reaching her soul. She was in heaven.

– "Tell me, Peter!" She turned to look at him straight in his eyes, while she kept riding him.

– "I belong with you"

– "I love you." – She put it out there, she wasn't scared anymore. Never in her life she felt safer.

Olivia woke up with a sharp headache, and a dry mouth, like sandpaper on her tongue. Her body was sore and weak. She had no idea how much time she had been sleeping. She remembered a panic attack at dinner, she couldn't breath and then everything went black.

She was confused about her whereabouts, again. This was not the room in which she had been staying, this was bigger and decorated differently. The colors were plain and darker. As any other room of the house it had a big terrace overlooking the water.

A new dream, it felt so real and tangible. There were so many details and feelings, her dreams were fuzzy and chaotic. Like all the other images that have been flooding her mind, they were so cluttered. She hasn't been able to put any of this together. As if she had incomplete pieces of a puzzle, and the pieces she had were not enough to reveal the full picture on the back of her head.

She stirred and tried to get up, but a man's arm was holding her waist tightly from behind. That's when she felt his body pressed to her back, she realized then, she was in Peter's bedroom and the body on her back was him. She turned a bit, trying not to wake him. He was fully dressed on top of the covers, spooning her.

– How could her life change so drastically in such a small amount of time? Is it possible that this man could be such an important part of her, somewhere in other lives, she deeply loved him? She could feel the joy, the sense of security and fulfillment, the love she had for this man sleeping soundly behind her. – How could that be?

Forty-eight hours ago she was focused on her job, trying to discover this big conspiracy. And now, she was in Peter's Bishop's arms feeling safe and contempt. Was this the end of her search, the answer she'd been seeking all her life?

Her mind was still trying to put things together, but her body and her feelings were completely attuned with him. Her struggle was to balance mind and emotions, her mind was a tangled mess, images from here and there with no right order. A big chunk was missing and her own memories were starting to tangle within themselves, making her doubt if her own memories were real or were part of a fuzzy dream. She had nothing to tether her to reality now, she had no idea what was real or what was a dream.

She looked at his sleeping form and felt the need to bury her hand on his hair, and feel the softness. The same softness she experienced in her dream. But she stopped herself, she was never a woman driven by her impulses, she learned to cancel her emotions as a child when she had to stand up for her mother. And no matter how much she felt pulled towards this man holding her. She was not going to start acting up now on her desires.

So she remained there stoic and unmoving, trying to figure out how to disentangle herself from this warm and familiar embrace without waking him up. Or maybe in reality, she wanted to prolong the moment as long as she could, before putting back on, all her defenses.

– "I know you're awake" She heard from behind. As he pulled her closer and kissed her shoulder and neck softly.

– "And how would you know that?"

– "By the deepness of your breaths. Plus… you stopped snoring."

– "I do not snore!" She snapped back.

– "Yeah you do." He said with amusement "But only when you're too tired or worried about something. I always found it adorable."

– "Why am I in your bed?" She tried to sound stern, but in reality she was just curious.

– "You collapsed last night. I just took care of you while you rested."

He nuzzled his nose on the base of her neck and caressed her sides softly.

– "Stop it!"

– "Stop what!" He said feigning innocence.

– "Stop touching me and talking to me as if we were familiar."

– "You want me to stop?" He said as he brushed with his fingers the side of her breasts barely touching her.

Her heart pounded, and her nipples puckered.

– "Yes!"

– "Then make me stop, you can stop me anytime, you can break my arm if you wanted to, why haven't you?" He slid his hand through her belly, itching his fingers down there, making her breath catch up and her insides tingle in anticipation, but just at the last inch to the final destination, he went back up to her upper belly teasing her.

– "I don't know." He was right, why couldn't she?

– "I think you do. But you're stubborn."

– "I'm confused, things are happening to me. You're confusing me." She said in earnest.

– "Tell me about it." He slid his fingers softly on her neck to move aside the golden strands of her hair, to run his lips and raspy chin through the back of her ear and neck, giving her goosebumps. "You're having a flow of memories. I know it's too much too fast. Unfortunately that can't be deterred, they won't fall in order for you to put them together. It can be a little overwhelming. I understand. But I'm right here with you."

He kept brushing his lips through her neck inhaling her in, she closed her eyes relishing in the feeling.

– "I've been having these dreams."

– "Tell me!"

– "We've been working on a case. 6B."

– "Mr and Mrs Merchant, yeah. Her husband died and she couldn't let go of him."

– "Yeah!" He tightened his grip on her waist. – "I went looking for you at your house, with a bottle of whiskey. I was determined to..."

– "To what?"

– "To win you back. To prove myself to you. I felt betrayed, and angry at you and myself. Not quite sure why, it's in the back of my mind but I can't reach it. But whatever it was, I was determined to put that behind. So we had a drink. And we kissed. We went upstairs. It was the first time…."

– "The first time we made love. It was a full moon, I remember the light of the moon over your body. We made love all night. And it was beautiful!" He said overwhelmed by emotion.

She turned to look at him with a surrendered expression in her eyes. She didn't want to fight her feelings anymore. She looked down at his lips inviting her to close the gap and taste him.

So she did, she brushed her lips with his, and felt all the joy in the world gripping her lower belly. He held her tightly and kissed her back, entangling his fingers through the strands of her soft hair.

– "You know what Barrett said? He said that he looked into her eyes, and he knew that it wasn't her. I understand the facts. I know that she had reams of information about me and about my life and about the people that were close to me. And I understand that if she slipped up that she would have a completely reasonable explanation for it. And I guess to expect you to have seen past that is perhaps asking a little bit too much. But when I was over there, I thought about you. And you were just a figment of my imagination. But I held onto you, and it wasn't reasonable, and it wasn't logical, but I did it, so... why didn't you? She wasn't me. How could you not see that? Now she's everywhere. She's in my house, my job, my bed, and I don't want to wear my clothes anymore, and I don't want to live in my apartment, and I don't want to be with you. She's taken everything. –

The memory plunged into her mind like a heavy rock plopping in the middle of a pond, creating a ripple effect carrying a deep and virulent feeling of betrayal.

She pushed him away with a mix of emotions, she couldn't breathe, she needed to get as far away from him as she possibly could.

– "I… I have to… I have to go." She got out of bed as fast as she could, and ran out of the room.

– "Liv! Honey! Don't run from me. Liv!" He yelled after her.

To be continued…