Chapter 16
We advance slowly, always scanning for any sign of life. There is none. Dead bodies and blood are everywhere. I find a relatively clean dead orc and crouch down. Sam stops and looks back at me. When he sees I'm struggling to remove its shirt he stoops to help me.
We wrangle the shirt over its head and Sam looks mildly horrified when I move on to its trousers. I ignore him and do my best to retrieve the pants quickly. I gather the clothing in my arms then shove it in my pack. I stand and Sam stands as well, wearing a questioning look.
"Don't ask, you'll see soon enough." I say quickly and quietly.
We continue down the torch lit hall and come to a corner. Sam stumbles back and throws an arm out, pushing me against the wall. I let out a small grunt at the force and shoot him an accusatory glance.
"Sorry. Orcs." He whispers. I nod in acceptance and grip my sword. Sam slips on the ring and I assume grabs Frodo's blade as well.
I inch to the corner and peek around just enough to see what's going on. There're two orcs facing each other, talking in hushed tones. One's back is to me and the other is facing him. Hopefully Sam goes for the one facing me so I can have some kind of advantage.
The one facing me cries out in pain as blood seeps from a wound on its side. Thank god, Sam. The one with its back to me watches the other with panic and I take my chance. I lunge forward and swing at the orcs left side. It bends over clutching its side in pain, leaving its neck unprotected. I fluidly lift my sword up and slash it down at its neck. Guilt of taking another life starts to creep in as its head rolls from its body. To save Frodo. I repeat my mantra over and over.
Sam removes the ring and nods at me. I nod back. We move through a few more halls and thankfully only run into a few more orcs. We take them out quickly and quietly in a similar fashion as the first pair.
At the end of our current hall is a set of stairs. Frodo's likely at the top of those. We're so close but if we run into trouble on these steps; we're open to falling. The stairs are in a square tower like room. They line the wall and have no railing or barrier on the inside.
Sam leads our way up. We're almost two stories high when we hear voices behind us. Sam shuffles me up higher so I'm behind him and we turn back to the bottom to see three shadows ascending the lower steps. We ready our swords but stay quiet.
When they see us they yell a 'get em' and clamber up the steps. Sam clashes swords with the first one to reach us. I stand helplessly as it's too narrow for me to fight along side him. He locks swords then uses all his strength to push an orc over the edge.
"Go to Frodo, I'll take care of 'em." He quickly instructs me before meeting swords with the slower two.
I turn and only make it two steps before movement instinctively has me raising my sword. Metal clashes against metal. Two orcs have come down the stairs, trapping Sam and I nearly back to back in the middle.
I steal a move from Sam and swing my sword to knock the first orc off balance, then shove him over the edge to the floor far below us. The next orc wastes no time charging down at me. I duck as he swings his blade, and it throws him off. He staggers forward and I trip as I rush up to get past him.
I turn and land on my butt on the stair above him, then scramble back a few steps. The orc turns and follows me. The chase puts a good distance between Sam and the orc I'm fighting. It's hunched over as it pursues me and I wait for it to come within reach, then I kick as hard as I can at it's face. My heel connects with its forehead and it drops face first to the ground.
A few more orcs have come and Sam keeps fighting them off. I push myself up and turn to half crawl, half run, up the rest of the stairs like a beast. They lead right to a doorway, and I push myself through without thought. It's stupid, I know, but adrenaline courses through my veins and clouds my judgement.
The room is free of orcs unlike in the movies. I don't look a gift horse in the mouth though and I rush to Frodo against the back wall. I drop to my knees beside him and unshoulder my bag. Frodo lays bound and completely naked. Regardless, he looks at me with so much relief and like I'm the best thing he's ever seen.
I do my best to give him privacy while I pull the clothes I collected out of my pack, but his sudden muffled panic causes me to look up. I reach for the gag obscuring his words but his wide eyes frantically flicker behind me repeatedly like he's trying to tell me something.
I look over my shoulder and my stomach drops. The orc I kicked in the face minutes ago stands behind me with a dagger raised. Dammit. It starts its downward arc to attack, but goes limp part way down. The orc falls just to my side, its blade grazing from my shoulder to midback as it falls.
I gasp and hiss in pain, but it's quickly forgotten about as Sam comes into view. Blood drips from his blade as the now dead orc twitches its last on the ground. Bless you Sam.
"Miss Brielle, I didn't get you did I?" Sam frets over the wetness I can feel sticking my shirt to my back.
"No no, it was the orc as it fell. Don't worry about me, I can manage. Help me dress Frodo." I say and straighten out the pants. We slide them up his body and get him covered quickly. Bent over as we work, the ring hangs from Sam's neck. I can tell by Frodo's fixed eyes that he wants it back.
"Sam, pass me the ring." I say.
Sam sits back on his heels near Frodo's feet, and he slips the loop over his head. He holds the chain in one fist and hesitates to pass it over. I frown in concern. I might be able to justify fighting an orc, but I don't know if I could do it if it came to it with Sam.
"Sam!" I bark out.
He slowly extends his hand and as soon as it's close enough, I snatch it from him. I turn to Frodo and slip it around his neck. Since I'm by his head anyway, I remove the gag then start working on untying his hands.
"Oh boy am I glad to see you two." Frodo says. "Sam, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly."
"I know Mister Frodo, I know." Sam says solemnly while he straightens out the shirt for Frodo.
Hands free, he pushes himself to a sitting position. Sam shuffles forward with the new shirt. We help him slip his stiff arms in and the movement sends another current of pain through my muscles. I move back and let them finish the buttons and ties on their own.
I squeeze my eyes in pain and try to breath through it. My back stings, my shoulder feels numb, and tingling spreads down my left arm. When I open my eyes again both guys are staring at me in concern.
"Has it stopped bleeding?" I ask and Sam moves behind me to check.
"Looks like it Miss Brielle." He confirms.
"Then I'm fine. We're so close, let's get out of here before anyone else notices." I push myself to my feet and sway slightly when I stand. I brush their concerns off.
I go to shoulder my pack but Frodo does it first. I send him a grateful smile and the three of us exit the room. The stairs are quiet but we move just as quietly to be safe. Shadows flicker on the wall from the torches keeping me on high alert the whole time.
When we come to the orcs we fought on the stairs, we do our best to dress ourselves in their armour so we're not immediately given away on the off chance someone sees us. We don't run into any more trouble though.
Sam uses the light of Elendil to let us out again then returns it to Frodo. He accepts it almost in disbelief. Sam hands over his sword as well. Frodo situates his sword, then we take the road-like path that leads further into Mordor instead of the stairs Sam and I used on the way in. Briefly, I wonder how long it's been; now adays it's always dark, I'm always tired, and I have no concept of time.
We trudge our heavy, ill fitting, armour up our debris filled stone path. For a while, tall rock walls close us in on both sides again, cutting off our view. I'm about ready to request a break when we crest a hill. Everything opens up to a view of Mount Doom in the distance. The opening of the top of the mountain looks like it's on fire while thick black smoke swirls around the sky. In the distance we can see the tower of Barad-Dûr. Even from here the eye atop it glows brightly. Immediately before us is a barren wasteland with glowing pools of lava and fire of torches and camps dotted around. The view is surreal. It's so strange. I thought I'd be terrified or at least hesitant, but right now I feel nothing. I just want this all to be over.
"We did it. We made it to Mordor." Sam says. Lightening flickers constantly in the background and the lack of accompanying thunder is what finally kick starts my feelings. It's so unnatural. My stomach rolls.
"Let's just make it down the hill for starters." I hear Sam's voice and a hand clasps mine. I break my gaze away to look down at Frodo. Both he and Sam are watching me with concern. I fix my face into a mask of resolute determination and nod.
We follow the path down as far as we can but eventually it turns away from our destination. We have to go straight, across the valleys and pathways. We step off the edge into the dirt. The only realistic way down is a steep hill littered with rocks. It's not ideal, but it's better than walking for days only to have to back track.
Frodo goes first, sliding down the dirt unsteadily. Sam goes next, and I follow him. By the time the three of us make it safely to the ledge pathway at the bottom of the hill, the orcs that were scattered in the wasteland are moving to the Northwest. Probably to the Black Gate.
"Move it!" An orc commands loudly. Sam starts to lead Frodo back against the hill we just slid down but I stop him.
"No. If we rest against the wall, we get caught. Slide down one more level." I say quickly and the three of us slide down the next dirt hill.
We press back flat against the wall and listen as the troops march by above us. We don't move for hours. When the footfalls finally fade, we relax and step away.
"I think we should rest here a while. We all need some sleep and food and water." I suggest.
"But Gollum threw it all away back in Minas Morgul." I smile at Sam's unneeded worry.
"Frodo, can you pass me my bag please." He unshoulders it and passes it to me. I turn it around and open the top to them. "I came prepared. It's not enough to eat as we regularly would, but it's better than nothing."
"Let's walk further that way and try to find a more hidden area first." Frodo says looking around nervously.
I nod and close the bag up. We walk another 100 yards or so before we find a little alcove. We tuck ourselves in and I open the bag again. We pass around a water skin first, each conscious of how much is left and how far we still have to go. We also ration the dried fruits and meats I brought. All satisfied for now, we huddle together and manage to fall asleep.
I wake first. I sit and observe the sky, and the tower, and Mount Doom, and the dark lands, and try to come up with a plan. Sam wakes next and I discuss a few ideas with him before finally, Frodo wakes.
"Nazgûl have been flying circles around Mordor constantly since I woke. I think it'd be too dangerous for us to make a straight go for Mount Doom. Our movement would be noticed instantly." I say.
"What'll we do then?" Sam asks.
"The rest of the fellowship rides for the Black Gate, so long as nothing's changed, we need to bide our time until they get there and take Sauron's attention. I say we follow the orcs around the border since we need to be on the tower side of Mount Doom anyways. As long as we stay out of sight, we'll be able to keep moving toward our goal in the meantime." I suggest.
Frodo looks out over Mordor and must come to the same conclusions. He agrees and therefore so does Sam. We each take another sip of water, then prepare to walk again.
We follow the orc troops, staying just out of sight. We climb up or down mountain hills as needed to avoid being seen. When one needs a rest, we all stop together to recharge. Even when we try to sleep, the shouting gravelly voices of the orcs are consistent.
We spend a lot of time in silence to avoid being heard, and that leaves us alone with our thoughts. Mine usually turn to Legolas and what he's doing right now. I don't really know what day it is anymore so it's hard to even guess. Is he among the oath brakers ghostly figures right now? Have they survived that and taken the boats yet? Did everything even go to plan to let him be there for those events? Don't go down that road. He's okay.
It makes me feel incredibly bad for Frodo and Sam. I know things turn out right, but even still, this journey is getting to me and making me question the end. Whenever I can, I try to give them a squeeze or word of reassurance.
We sleep a few more times before the way clears of orcs. We must have passed the Black Gates. Then we sleep a few more times before the mountains fade away from us and the space between us and Mount Doom becomes relatively flat.
"I can't manage the weight. It's such a weight to carry." Frodo stutters out after falling stomach first onto a smooth rock.
"We're going straight that way. There's no point carrying anything we don't need anymore." Sam says taking off his helmet and looking at me for confirmation. I nod tiredly and start throwing my orc armour over the edge behind us. When Sam and I are armour free, we help Frodo shed his.
"That's better. I think I can manage a bit further today." Frodo says standing.
We walk a while longer then find a few rocks to sit against out of view of Sauron's eye. Frodo falls asleep instantly, but Sam sits next to him shivering. I undo Legolas' cloak that I couldn't bring myself to get rid of and sit next to Sam. We huddle together and spread the greenish-grey fabric out over us. It's dirty and torn but it's better than nothing.
When we all wake again we finish the last of our food and ditch the bag. The three water skins we have left, we carry in our pockets or, in my case, in my hands. Sleep seems to do us no good anymore and we all push on, dead on our feet.
The flat rocks are a blessing and a curse. It's easier on our bodies but we're in clear view of the eye. We've already had to drop to our stomachs and flatten to the ground more times than I can count as it's giant spotlight searches.
"Get down!" Sam shouts and I carelessly throw myself down, but Frodo's too slow. I watch, it's almost as if it happens in slow motion. The eye locks on him and the ring compels him to turn and face it. Dread fills his face, and he drops to the ground. Far, far off in the distance I can hear the screech of the Nazgûl. The eye moves back to the Black Gate, and I curse.
"We're really out of time now. The Nazgûl are coming." I inform them. We stay down for another moment to make sure the eye is done with us, then we pop up. We rush as best we can to the base of Mount Doom.
I try to keep Legolas' cloak and Glorfindel's sword, but they prove too much of a hinderance as we take our first steps up the sandy pebbly volcano side. I only manage to hold onto my picture compass and that's because I keep it safely tucked in my bra. I give Frodo the rest of my water before I throw the skin away too.
It takes both hands to support myself as I climb. Frodo and Sam are climbing on all fours as well, but their water skins and whatever water is left in them, fit in their pockets. How lucky they are to be men. Frodo flops down on his stomach in front of us. I rush to his side and call out to Sam.
"Help me get him up, we'll have to carry him!"
Sam scrambles back to me and Frodo. We each take an arm and wrap it around our shoulders. The action irritates my wounded skin but I pay it no mind; all of me is tired and dirty and cracked dry and sore. Once we're both holding one of Frodo's hands and have an arm wrapped around his back, we stand on the count of three. We stumble but gain our footing quickly. Frodo even manages to get his feet under him, which helps us too.
"Ready?" I call over the wind, my chapped lips crack and bleed with the movement.
"Ready." Sam confirms. We move together quicker than we were before.
Together, we make relatively quick work of the base of the volcano. Things become simultaneously easier and more difficult when the terrain changes from dirt and rocks, back to large flat rocks that act as steps. We have to work on coordinating our movements all over again.
"The entrance!" Sam cries. "We're almost there."
We go a bit further before Sam says he needs a break. We stop and sit up on a ledge a few yards down from the runway that leads into the mountain. Sam takes a sip of water then forces Frodo to drink. He desperately sucks at the measly drops of water left.
"I don't think there will be any for the return journey." Frodo worries.
"I don't think there will be a return journey Frodo." Sam despairs.
"Hey! None of that talk. You will be going home." I say firmly.
We grow quiet as we catch our breaths. I put my head in my hands and rest my tired eyes. If I don't think, it almost feels like I'm sleeping somewhere nice and breezy, a beach on a windy day maybe. It takes me a second to register that they're talking beside me.
"It'll be spring in the Shire soon. Gardens will be in bloom, birds will be nesting, we'd be eating the first fresh strawberries and cream. Do you remember the Shire Mister Frodo?" Sam says wistfully.
"No Sam. I can't recall the taste of food or fresh water, or the feel of spring grass." Frodo says with his eyes closed. "But you do a mighty fine job of describing them. I can imagine what they once felt like."
It's quiet for a moment while they get lost in the nostalgia. I wish I had that escape. All that's around me is fire and ash and evil. I look back at the hobbits. Maybe not all. Their curly heads fill me with something I can't quiet put a name on.
"You forgot the Brandywine River… Gandalf's fireworks… Rosie Cotton…" Frodo adds to Sam's remembering's.
"If I was ever to marry someone, it'd be her." Sam says with tears in his eyes.
"I'm sorry Sam. I can't do it. I'm so sorry, I don't have the strength to get you back to Rosie." Frodo apologizes. I think if he wasn't so dehydrated, he'd be crying too.
Determination fills me. I'm going to end this and give these hobbits and all my new friends a chance to go home even if it kills me. I turn and kneel in front of Frodo. Both hobbits startle at my sudden movement.
"I'll take the ring into Mount Doom. I promise I'll give you that opportunity to go back to the Shire, and Rivendell, and Bilbo, and Rosie." I say, tears brimming my eyes now too. I wipe them away roughly.
"But I can't force the ring from you Frodo. You have to yield your burden to me of your own free will." I say and wait.
He looks to the pain in Sam's eyes then back to me. He weakly lifts his head and slips the chain off. I lean down to him so he doesn't have to strain too much to slip it over my head. I have to throw a hand down to catch myself as the weight settles around my neck.
My heart grows heavy and I swallow back my emotions before I push up and look at two of the friends I made here. I lean forward and place a kiss to Sam's forehead.
"I promise you're gonna go home soon." I say to them and lean to Frodo.
I place a kiss to his head too. Our tearful exchange is too painful so I look over my shoulder at the entrance to the one place I never thought I'd see. I push myself up and take a deep breath before I run as fast as I can.
I stumble up rocks which cut up my hands and knees when I fall, but I don't stop. My only focus now is getting in there before the Nazgûl reach Sam and Frodo. Before the orc army takes more lives at the Black Gates. Before anymore of the people I've come to care about here have a chance to get hurt.
I stop inside the archway. The heat is overwhelming; I'm instantly sweaty. The sound is also overwhelming; lava bubbles and boils loudly and the whole place rumbles. It sounds like it'll all collapse any moment. There's also an overbearing sense of malevolence.
I remind myself of all the people out there fighting to give us this chance. The place shakes and I cautiously walk to the edge of the bridge. There's no more than a few inches between me and the fall to the lava.
I peer over and sway, the drop is dizzying. I feel sick to my stomach, so I look straight ahead instead. A strange warm wind whips my hair around my face; tendrils of it stick to my cracked sweaty lips.
I reach up and slip the chain over my head. I take it in my right fist and hold it out over the edge. The gold shines and flickers with the orange and yellow light, and the rising heat and steam burn my hand.
But I can't let go.
I take half a step closer and try again. I focus on my hand and will it to open. My arm trembles with the effort. The ring won't let itself be destroyed. Realization dawns on me. It was only destroyed in the movies by accident. Helplessness consumes me.
There has to be a way. I don't have control over my hand, but I can move my legs. The ring's not going in unless I go with it. Tears fill my eyes at the sacrifice that demands of me. I finally find people I can be happy with only to have to give everything up to save them. I don't hold back the hot salty water that streams from my eyes.
Suddenly I feel like turning and running. Running out of here. Running back to somewhere safe. Running to Rivendell where they took me in without question. I could go there and make a home and no one would be the wiser. Or maybe Lothlórien where I wouldn't be able to see what's happening outside its borders.
Don't cave to its influence, remember what this is for. I remind myself. "For Frodo to go back home to Bilbo and the Shire. For Sam to start his family with Rosie. For Merry and Pippin to live a life free of anymore hurt. For Aragorn to live out his days with Arwen. For Gimli to establish the Glittering Caves. For Gandalf to finally find peace. For Legolas…" Each reason comes out of my mouth louder and louder until I'm shouting.
"For Legolas to move on…" I whisper. "For him to let me go and find an elf mate." He would have no immortal life with me. He'd be left to fade after my death.
'You could take the ring and gain immortality.' The whisper creeps into my mind. 'A life forever with your beloved. You'd be untouchable.' My jaw quivers and my breathing picks up.
"It's not true." I tell myself.
'This can all be a bad dream. All the bad memories can be taken back and erased. You could become a creature of peace again. Just take the ring and claim it as your own.' The whisper overpowers any other thoughts. I stare at the ring in my outstretched fist.
"You spew pretty promises but they're untrue." I choke out. "I don't belong here anyways." I sob.
My feet are impossibly heavy as I shuffle forward. My vision blurs and my breathing hitches as I make up my mind. Inch by inch I make my way to the very edge.
I have one foot over the edge when arms wrap around my middle. They pull me back. The impact startles me and the chain slips from my grasp. I land hard on my butt as the ring falls below the edge of the ledge and down to the lava.
As soon as it's gone my mind clears and my body feels light. I look around to see Sam and Frodo on either side of me. It's their arms that saved me from going over.
"Nooo! Precious!" There's a cry from behind us before Gollum launches himself over the edge. I don't dare go any closer but there's a cheer of joy, presumably when he catches the ring.
The volcano rumbles aggressively. Then the lava starts to violently erupt around us. We force ourselves to our feet and we run. We run for the entrance while pieces of the bridge crumble behind us.
I push Frodo and Sam ahead of me and look back over my right shoulder. The heat is scalding. Almost instantly my skin sears. It's bright red and burning like an awful sunburn. My hand and shoulder bubble and peel. I watch as chunks of the bridge fully break off then I turn back around.
The hot air of Mordor feels cool compared to the inferno inside Mount Doom when I finally clear the entrance. I launch myself at the ledge Frodo and Sam are safely on. The landing is painful and I fall to my back beside them just as an explosion goes off from the entrance behind us.
Lava pours out of the entrance and we push ourselves further up the rock. We lay side by side by side. I'm so exhausted I can't even keep my eyes open. My whole body is heavy. Even as they find the energy to talk, I lay motionless.
"It's done, it's gone. The ring is destroyed." I hear Frodo say in astonishment.
"Yes, it's over now Mister Frodo." Sam agrees. I can hear the lava burbling around us. I can imagine the flaming chunks falling from the sky like shooting stars. I can see the intense light as it makes the inside of my eyes glow pink.
"We did it, we accomplished what we set out to do. I couldn't have done it without you." Frodo says. "I'm glad to be with you, here at the end of all things."
I can picture the scene from the movies. A dirty Sam and Frodo sit with their arms wrapped around each other. Taking comfort in each other, while they express their appreciation. I'm not there.
A tear rolls down my temple and into my hair. I never belonged here. I was only here to accomplish a task that's done now. I'm not meant to be included in this world. Doesn't matter now though, it's over. Everyone gets to live the lives they were meant to now. A sense of peace and finality wash over me, and it gives me a moment of reprieve from the anguish.
It doesn't last long. Whatever was detaching me from my pain wears off and my senses erupt with white hot fire. My head, my feet, my back, my burnt arm, everything hurts. I can let go now though; I don't have to be strong for anyone anymore. I let the blackness creep in to consume me. The last thing I hear is my name as my breathing shallows out.
I come to in a giant grey room that is mostly empty of furniture. The floor is multiple levels divided by short railings and staircases. The ceiling is held up by many stone pillars, and the walls are lined by many tapestries, all containing a depiction of what looks to be historical events. The whole place is dimly lit by one big window.
I walk up a few staircases to get to the window. My footsteps echo through the empty room as I go. There's no glass in the window but I don't feel any breeze. I place my hands on the stone windowsill. I expect it to be smooth and cold, but it feels like nothing. It dawns on me that I feel nothing either, there's no trace of pain in my body.
"Where am I?" My question carries through the room behind me.
I frown in confusion out at the scene before me. Dark blue water meets a dark blue sky full of stars. The water ripples calmly in the night while the stars are wrapped in ribbons of white and golds and light blues. Kind of like the aroura borealis.
"You are in the Halls of Mandos, and you are viewing the Encircling Sea." Someone says behind me.
"Halls of Mandos? But that's a place in Middle-Earth. I thought I was dead… I should be back on Earth, or Heaven, or Hell, or wherever."
"You will not die unless that is your choice once presented the offers." The figure before me says. They're an embodiment of light. His hair is glowing white, his skin is pale, his eyes glow a blue so light they're almost white, and his robes almost look sheer as they shine silver.
"You may refer to me as Manwë and you were brought here as we were unsure where you wish to finish out your days." Manwë tells me.
"I don't understand." I whisper.
Manwë steps forward and I copy. We meet in the middle of the room and a pale hand comes up to cup my cheek. I can't feel an actual connection but I get the phantom feeling of tingling where I imagine I'd feel warmth on my cheek.
"You sacrificed so much for our world. In return, Eru Ilúvatar wished to offer you a choice." He says. I wait patiently for him to tell me of my options.
"You may let nature take its course and succumb to your injuries, thought be warned, 'Heaven' and 'Hell' of your world do not exist; once your soul has departed, that is it." Manwë gives me my first choice.
"Alternatively, we can return you home and this will merely be a dream to you. You will be healed of your injuries and there would be no link to our world." He gives me option two.
"And my third choice?" I ask.
He considers me for a moment before reaching into his breast pocket. He extends an up turned fist to me then uncurls his elegant fingers. I gasp and take a step back in horror. My heartbeat quickens and panic starts to choke me. There, presented on his open palm, sits a gold band.
"I thought we got rid of that. How it is here. Why would you offer it to me again?" I get lightheaded as a result of breathing too quickly.
"Be calm. This is not the ring you've just destroyed." He says soothingly. "This ring was forged by Ilúvatar himself." I regard him skeptically. He beckons me forward and when I don't move, he comes to me.
"So long as you wear this ring, you shall not age. It will only affect you and your aging. This ring contains no other power or draw to anyone else as the one ring held." He says and I inspect the ring in his palm.
"I caution you, should you choose this choice, keep it secret except to those you hold dear, as Man still hold greed in their hearts. The ring will not work for them. However, they will not believe this until years have passed and they still wither with time." He warns.
"So my choices are death, life, or more-or-less immortality?" I ask. Manwë gives me a single nod.
Each option has its pros and cons.
If I choose death, I am free. There would be no more suffering. No more depressive episodes. No more anxiety. No more panic attacks. But, I'd also leave behind my sister and her family, and Legolas and all my new friends.
If I choose life, I return to my sister. But, I loose Legolas, and a place as scary as this was, a place that feels right. I also return to my life as it was; suffering and fairytales.
If I choose immortality, I condemn myself to a forever of working through this new trauma on top of my normal struggles. I also never see my sister again. But, I gain Legolas and the hobbits and Aragorn and Gimli and so many others.
Immortality seems like the obvious choice because I gain so much but I'm so tired. I'm so tired of struggling most days. And how do I go on living and have to willingly give up my sister?
"None of these seem like perfect choices." I say. Manwë smiles sadly at me.
"They may appear that way at first glance. Alas, each alternative is designed to provide the you of any reality the situation you require." He says cryptically.
I consider him. I rule out death. It'd be too selfish to leave everyone because I'm tired. That leaves me with my sister or Legolas. They would both want me to be happy. So what do I want. I can't feel them but my vision blurs with unshed tears as I tell Manwë of my decision.