Chapter 5: Anthology

Sasuke´s POV

I could´ve run through the trees and arrived at Konoha hours ago but I´ve been gathering courage for the last few days and trying to choose the best scenario possible I can, sort of, plan to have a first good impression with Sakura.

So, for now, I´ll walk and think and wait till morning.

I really don't know much about what's been going on in her life, every now and then I exchange letters with Naruto and Kakashi, with the Hokage it's mostly for me to be updated on any important changes in the village or if he needs to know about my findings.

With Naruto is more casual, mostly he asks when I´m coming back or he tells me some random story, his last letter came a few weeks ago, he was telling me about how him and Hinata have been remodeling their house and that he's been learning about flowers and gardens because his wife wants to create a space for all of their friends to gather often and he told me I was the first person in the invitation list.

I appreciate that Naruto writes to me even if it's not my style to be all chatty with people, even if it's through letters. But he rarely mentioned Sakura and I didn't dare to ask.

She mentioned her for the first time when he stayed as second in charge when she was invited to Suna for the mental health clinic she was working on and Hatake joined her. He said that he basically was the Hokage for a week and that it felt so natural to him.

He mentioned her again when she told me about the birthday party she threw when she turned nineteen. He told me that she got so drunk that Kakashi had to walk her home.

For some reason, that piece of information gave me a headache, at that time I was still struggling to give my feelings a name, well I still struggle with that, but something inside told me it should be me the one helping her get home safe, just a nice thing to do for someone who always took care of me, I thought.

Days later I wrote a letter to her, apologizing for not writing earlier and not wishing her a happy birthday for both her 18 and 19 birthdays, I asked her how she was doing and that I heard about her clinic for kid´s mental health and how it made me happy to hear such a wonderful idea.

But I didn´t know if she would get angry because I didn't write to her before. I also knew she had feelings for me at some point and I was never good to her, and she probably moved on and I didn't want to be haunting her thoughts again so I burned the letter instead.

Instead, I just sent a 'congratulations' note meant for Naruto and Hinata. I don´t know why I didn't send it directly to the newlyweds.

Two weeks later I received a photo of Sakura. Well, it was from Naruto´s wedding. The picture was of the couple with team 7. And that was the last time a letter mentioned her.

In the photo you could see Hinata and next to her was my substitute and the ANBU sensei. Sakura was right next to Naruto, she was wearing a red dress and red headband. She had her right arm over Naruto's shoulder and head pressed against his with a bright beautiful smile, and to her left was Kakashi.

I noticed her left hand was grabbing Kakashi´s hip and there was no way for me to know, but I thought she was grabbing his hip a little too low and a little too tight.

I felt a headache again. I had been two years outside the village, so I should've gone back for Naruto´s wedding. I wondered if I had been at the party, where would my place be in that photo.

I looked at that photo every time I felt sad, and I missed Konoha, which lately has been a daily occurrence. I never acknowledged the fact that if I spent 10 minutes looking at the picture, half that time would be looking at Sakura until one day I thought that she looked good in red and then I started wondering if I ever saw her wearing something besides that color and a memory of little Sakura in a green dress flashed behind my eyes.

I forgot the memory that, upon recalling it, felt as if I was living it for the first time.

-5-YEAR-OLD SASUKE

I was in the commercial district with my mother, she was running errands and I asked her if I could wait for her in the park nearby. And she let me. I loved swings and I would always try to go super-fast and super high, I would take it as a ninja task.

So, focusing on reaching the velocity I liked, I didn't notice the swing was hanging by a slim thread about to break. And with my intense play it didn't last, and I flew to the air and fell to the ground. I tried to land on my feet like a ninja would, but I ended up on my knees and scratched both. My mom was going to kill me because one of my knees was bleeding, and my clothes were all dirty and my knees were stinging, and I wanted to cry. But I am a ninja and ninjas don't cry so I held back my tears when suddenly a small shadow blocked the sun that was hitting directly at my face.

I looked up and there was this small girl about my age, her eyes were apple green, and so big it covered most of her face, especially when she was giving me a wide look, like in shock and she had weird pink hair with a red ribbon.

I didn't know why I felt a weird sensation and my cheeks turned red. Hers were red too. It looked weird the contrast of her weird pink hair and her red cheeks. And the green eyes. And she was wearing a green dress as well. Too much color for my liking.

Such weird hair.

She kneeled in front of me, not caring about getting her dress covered with dirt. Did her parents not care? Why is she here alone? A small kid like her shouldn't be alone, it can be dangerous.

"Are you ok?" She asked "I saw you falling, it's ok if you want to cry. I would be crying. I'm always getting myself hurt. That's why I'm covered in scratches. Also, because I'm always chasing cats around and they don't like it when you touch their little belly, but they are so cute, right? I would loooove to have one, but my parents don't want to. I've been begging them for ages to let me adopt one, I keep telling them I would be super responsible and take care of it, but they still said no, and I-"

She was annoying.

"What do you want?" I interrupted her.

"Oh! Sorry I got distracted," she pulled a packet of band-aids from a pocket in her dress "I always carry band-aids with me because I always get hurt. And I saw you falling so I thought you might want one."

She ripped a pink band-aid off and placed it on my bleeding knee.

I was angry. No one asked her for help. And I don't like being touched.

"I didn't ask for help," I said.

"But you were injured, so I still decided to help you," she said, smiling at me.

I frowned and crossed my arms and looked away from her. At that moment I heard my mom calling my name and my brother was next to her.

"My family is waiting for me," I said angrily before leaving.

"See you next time," I heard her yell behind me but I didn't pay her any more attention.

I ran towards my brother and when I reached him, he carried me and put me on his shoulder.

"Who was she?" asked my mom "She is a pretty girl"

"No, she is not, did you see her weird hair and big eyes?" I said, "and she is annoying."

"Pink suits you," Itachi said, looking at my knee and squeezing it gently where the band-aid was.

"Oh, my goodness Sasuke, what happened to your knee?" said my mother. "You were being careless, weren't you?"

"No, pink does not suit me," I said, upset. "And I wasn't being careless, I was just playing and the swing broke and sent me flying like 20 meters high. I could've died but I'm a ninja, so I managed to only get a small scratch, nothing serious. I don't even need a band-aid, but this nosy girl arrived and put a band-aid on me without asking."

"Sounds like a nice girl," said mom

"She does," Agreed Itachi

"No, she is not, she is just annoying" I said. "She made me so upset that even my cheeks turned red"

Mom and Itachi looked at each other and laughed.

I was taken aback by that memory; it was brand new to me.

For me, Sakura came into my life when I was placed in Team 7 along with her. But this new memory changed everything. I felt my stomach sinking and my chest burning. I didn't know why but that day I spent the whole night thinking of her.

I don't like to think about my past because it hurts me and it's hard to digest all the wrong decisions and mistakes but right then I didn't care to endure the pain because remembering every interaction I had with Sakura was more important.

I replay my life looking for her in every memory. Trying to find more new memories. But I couldn't find any, however I found something more important. A revelation. I saw my life with a whole new perspective. I always looked at life with hate and revenge in mind but for the first time I looked at the little things I was too stubborn to notice before.

I remembered Sakura as a kid when we were in the academy and all the girls would swoon over everything I did and said but I never gave her, or anyone, too much thought especially because, well all what happened with my family, being left alone and all that, most of my memories from ages 7 to 13 are about training, sitting alone at the Uchiha lake and feeling alone.

The first time I felt happy after the massacre of my family was the day Kakashi tested our teamwork. Right before he showed up and told us we passed. The moments before when Sakura and I were feeding Naruto, I wanted to smile.

Of course, I never admitted it. But I started to enjoy all our missions more and more. I was annoyed by both, but I still liked to spend my time with them. We had been a team for such a short time, but I cared for them. I mean, I awakened my Sharingan because I wanted to protect Naruto, and I would´ve awakened it for Sakura as well.

I remember my first encounter with Orochimaru, and how I had to stab my leg to snap out of the trance to save Sakura, not me.

When I woke up for the first time after being branded with Orchidarium's cursed mark, the first thing I saw were pieces of beautiful pink silk threads scattered throughout the ground. When I gained complete consciousness, I realized it was Sakura's hair.

And as soon as I saw her beaten up and hurt, I felt the need to protect her and avenge her. I guess she is the reason why I went crazy with that guy, or well the angry I felt when I saw they hurt her.

She was also the reason why the curse didn't take complete control over me at that moment.

When I remembered that, I noticed how I let her hug her. And a chill ran through my spine because I hate physical contact. I would only let my family be physically close to me. After that I realized that I literally leaned on her and let her hold me throughout the rest of the second test. I was surprised I allowed it back then. I wouldn't allow it now with anyone. I have always pushed people away.

My next memory was of me crying to Naruto to protect Sakura against Gaara, followed by the memory of waking up at the hospital after my encounter with Itachi, I remembered thinking about how much Naruto had improved.

Filled with rage for Itachi and jealous of Naruto, and poor Sakura, always there for me, I treated her awful. As always.

Minutes later, I was falling towards her with Chidori in hand when she tried to intervene in my fight against Naruto on the roof. If it weren't for Kakashi, I could´ve killed her.

But that time it would have been an accident.

If it weren't for Kakashi and Naruto, Sakura would be dead, and it would've been my fault. Of course, this wasn´t an event I needed to try and remember, it lives rent free in my head. It is the second thing I regret the most.

The first thing is not accepting her proposal, back when I was 14 ready to abandon the village, right before I knocked her out and left her laying on that bench. I regret following revenge instead of choosing Konoha. I wish I could go back in time and stay and follow up on her promise of making my life happy and fun with her.

I wonder where we would be if I had made that choice. And still, she knew me better than anyone, even better than Naruto. She always knew that I could´ve never stayed without regretting it. I needed to avenge my family. But if I had known what I know now, maybe things would be different, but all I have left for now are what ifs.

When I was with Orochimaru, I suffered a lot in silence in the first months. I hadn't cried since the massacre. But one night I cried because I missed Naruto, Sakura and Kakashi and for a moment I thought of going back. But then I remembered Itachi, so I stayed. After that day, I let rage consumed me entirely. I would have killed anyone that stood in my way.

And so, the last memories were from our fight against Kaguya, how I let her die again. And once again, she was saved by the rest of team 7 and if it weren't for her, we couldn't have won, since she's the one who rescued me from the dimension I was lost in.

I will always be in debt with her. And all I´ve ever done was give her one apology and a thank you. And then once more, I left her behind in Konoha. This time with a tap on her forehead and a promise that there will be a next time.

And that night, going through my memories, I realized that I loved her. Not as a friend but romantically and that my love for her was deeper than I could imagine, it was rooted in me. It had always been there. From the first moment I saw her. But I forgot. And I´ll make sure I never forget.

I firmly believe my life as a ninja will be one of service to Konoha and to everyone in need. I will never follow a path of revenge and darkness. I had no doubt about that. I know I can´t be the one to decide if my crimes are forgiven or not and I will always feel regret for my actions, but I found some sort of peace.

I still want to reestablish the Uchiha clan. But now I only have one priority and that is to make Sakura happy, in whatever way she asks me too. I would love to make her happy as my wife. But if she only accepts my friendship, I´ll have to live with that.

With the trip down the memory lane, I realized that when I was shipwrecked and lost, in the cracks of light, I saw Sakura.

Now it's my turn to be the light in her dark days. This realization happened almost a year ago. And ever since I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder, I feel that something inside me clicked. And every day since, my love for her just grows. I just wish she can accept it after everything.

Finally, I arrived at a small town close to the village and rented a room. It was already dark outside; I took a quick shower and went directly to sleep.

— — — — —

When I woke up. I opened the curtain to let the sun through and I saw a cherry tree right outside my window. I took it as a sign from the universe. I would arrive in Konoha today, and Sakura and I could start right where we left it on that bench all those years ago.

One more time, the memory of Sakura helping me in the playground flashed before my eyes and I couldn't help but smile. That was my favorite memory of her, and I can't believe it was hidden all these years.

I think part of the reason why it was my favorite, was because even if it was for a brief moment, mom and Itachi meet Sakura and they both liked her. Almost as if giving me their blessing when I ask her to share my last name with me.