Scars Collected
Author's Note: I had a dream about this a while back, so I figured I'd just write out it out as a fic. :P
This is for the 2023 Obikin bingo. :)
~ Tirana Sorki
"The Council has reached their decision," Windu's voice rings out chillingly cold in the dimmed Chamber of Judgment.
Anakin keeps his head up, expression as impassive as he can, as the other Council members take their seats. That is, the six Council members who are now left from Operation Knightfall, several of whom who were appointed on the fly, by the looks of it, based on whatever Jedi survivors were left.
The sinking feeling of dread only grows in the momentary pause of silence. He already knows their decision. He knew it from the start of his so-called trial, from how they have never once let him explain himself or any of the choices he made that night.
Was it only days ago? It could be a lifetime for how much has changed since then, for how much the entire galaxy has fallen completely.
But he won't let them see his fear, any more than he'll let them know how hard it is for him to even stay standing right now. The Force-null cuffs on his wrists keep him from reaching the Force, just as much as the cell he's been locked in does. He... hasn't felt it once since they arrested him.
The gaping emptiness that surrounds him whenever he tries to reach out makes him feel like he's drowning in space instead of drowning in the sheer intensity of life he normally feels around him. It's a gaping, gnawing emptiness that's slowly eating him up, and somewhere along the way, it went from just being mental to worming it's away through every inch of him until it's a physical ache. The pain is only getting worse.
He's half Force, though. It makes sense that he wouldn't react well to being cut off from the Force for so long. It's not something that's ever been tried before.
Not that it probably matters, because he... doubts he's ever going to feel the Force again. Or... anything, shortly.
"In the Council's opinion," Windu finally goes on, the words a glaring reminder of when they remorselessly threw out Ahsoka less than a year ago, without even listening to a thing she had to say on the matter, "That Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker has committed treason against the Republic and the Jedi Order."
Treason.
Right.
Because it certainly wasn't treason when Windu went to murder the Chancellor in cold blood or when they themselves told him to commit treason by spying on the Chancellor, but when he tried to stop them, suddenly that's treason. But now, they're the ones in control of the Republic. The law is whatever they say it is. Palpatine was right. They were planning to take over.
He – he was leading the attack force on the Temple that night, no matter how much he wanted to stop but he couldn't let the Jedi cause another civil war when the war could finally be over. But then, something in the clones had suddenly changed. Anakin still doesn't understand what it was, but suddenly, they were in support of the Jedi again, and then, he felt his bond with Palpatine shatter.
It was Windu who did it. Somehow. He doesn't know how the Jedi Master even survived, but then, the survivors forcibly took control of the Senate, using the clones to do it. Even though there's no way the clones could want to help with that, so he doesn't understand why they're acting so numb and going along with it. But apparently, none of that is treason if the Council agrees to do it.
How – how could Obi-Wan be alright with this? Even if he is the one who asked Anakin to commit treason at the very start of the whole mess. It was really that which made everything start falling.
"He is also guilty in orchestrating the murder of countless Jedi and conspiring with the Sith to overthrow the Republic. Such extreme actions in these trying times require extreme measures," Windu goes on. "As such, his status of Jedi Knight will be stripped from him, and he will be subject to execution."
He feels frozen, even if he... knew it. Of course, he knew it. The Jedi don't execute people, but the rules for him have always been different. Harsher. And he betrayed them. He – (He can't even say he doesn't deserve it.)
He expected a smothering wave of betrayal, but instead he just feels... nothing.
They're going to kill him. The Jedi, the organization he dedicated his entire life to until they turned on the Republic, and now...
He's emotionally shutting down entirely, he knows, when he's feeling too much to be able to register anything at all. It's happened a few times before – like during Operation Knightfall.
But... they're going to kill him.
Anakin's head snaps up in spite himself, gaze momentarily darting to Obi-Wan. He's here too. And he – Did the Council vote for this unanimously?
Is Obi-Wan perfectly fine with having him executed? Not that Anakin could rightfully blame him, even if he's still angry that his once master would turn on the Republic. (But if Obi-Wan really thinks he deserves this, to be killed in cold blood, the same thing Windu was going to do to Sidious, then – then he must. But this is everything against what the Jedi always believed in, and Anakin can't regret not standing by them, even if he'll forever hate himself for what he did.)
Obi-Wan's expression is tight and closed-off. The anger he was radiating almost constantly throughout the trial isn't there now, but Anakin can't tell what is.
His former master won't look him in the eye – not that Anakin could even handle holding his gaze right now, either.
"Do you have anything more to say for yourself, Skywalker?" Windu asks, as though they might somehow care to hear it now, when they've essentially ignored him the whole trial.
"Yes, Masters." Anakin doesn't know where the sudden surge of courage is coming from, but what does it matter when they're going to kill him anyway? And for a fleeting moment, he's just angry and so bitter. No matter how much he might deserve this. "Kriff you sleemos and kriff the path you've led the Jedi Order on."
There's a moment of stunned silence. They're all gaping at him.
"You are hardly one to speak on that Skywalker," Windu replies icily, and he could swear he actually hears the loathing in his voice now. "This was a final chance for you to say something actually... constructive."
Because they'd totally change their minds after they made their decision at the very start. "Were you hoping I was going to beg? Like Palpatine was before your murdered him?"
"Return him to his cell," Windu orders finally, as the platform starts to lower.
Because apparently, they aren't going to just get it over with. How long is he planning to drag this out, to make him wait and agonize over it? (Is Obi-Wan going to be there to watch? For all that he can hardly feel any emotion at all right now, except a gaping betrayal and hurt that runs too deeply to put words on, he doesn't think he could... handle that. Not that it would matter when he'd be dying anyway.)
The guards approach, and he follows them out the door numbly, through the badly damaged Temple halls. It looks like a mere shell of what it used to be. And he did this. He... But the Jedi still had it coming.
Anakin pauses when he sees a clone trooper passing by. He'd still like to know what's wrong with them, but there's nothing he can do about that either.
One of the guards shoves him forwards, roughly – he doesn't need the Force to feel their anger. Anakin stumbles a step, breathing in sharply as he tries to regain his footing. The wrong move makes his head spin, from the pain it takes to even keep walking right now.
(Do they know about that? Do they not even care? It's not like Windu wasn't torturing Sidious, though.)
They reach the cell area quickly enough; probably, the last time he'll be seeing anything beyond this. The guards don't take the cuffs off until he's in the cell, locked behind the ray shield.
He waits until they're gone to sink to the floor, leaning his head against the cool wall.
All he ever wanted, once, was to be enough. But he only failed over and over and over, so much that now they want him dead. He thought he might break down completely once he got back to his cell, but it hurts too deep even for that.
But maybe being about to die isn't such a bad thing, anyway. At least in this moment, he can't say he doesn't want it. (Padme is still out there, though, and he doesn't know if she's okay or if she even realizes what happened to him.)
**w**
Something lands hard on his stomach, and Anakin's eyes fly open, instantly expecting a threat. Except, it's only to see Ahsoka perched on top of him – she's sitting on him, one leg on either side.
Anakin blinks a few times, reorienting himself to the small room he's actually in, not – not that the cell. Though Ahsoka doesn't make any move to get off him.
"Morning, Skyguy," she chirps, even if the lightness in her voice feels so fake. That childish spark her eyes always had is gone, replaced with something duller and far older than he likes seeing.
He thinks that's true about both of them, though, even if sometimes it feels like it's always been true about him. That every bit of what he shows on the outside is fake.
"Are you going to get off?" Anakin asks, a smile tugging at his lips, despite the depression crushing him, about as heavily as Ahsoka's tangible weight on top of him.
"You gonna get up?" she asks, snippily.
Maybe it's just with how exhausted he is, but he really doesn't want to right now. Anakin reaches up with his flesh hand, taking one of hers. She stills, squeezing it back tightly.
"I... missed you," he murmurs, voice barely audible, as he traces his thumb across the back of her hand. Maybe it feels like he lost almost everything – he was about to die and that he didn't still doesn't feel real sometimes. He expected everything to be over, and then suddenly, it... wasn't – but Ahsoka is here again. And for all that he lost, he could never regret that it led her back to his side. He never thought she would come back. Not truly. Probably because when she did, it wasn't in a way he could ever imagine.
Ahsoka's expression tightens. "I missed you, too," she whispers, and he's grateful that at least the... initial distance between them – neither of them knew how to talk to the other anymore – is starting to fade. "I was afraid I would be too late," she adds, "That I wouldn't get to you in time."
Anakin winces, grip tightening on her hand. He can only imagine how afraid she must have been in that moment. He well remembers the terror he felt when he knew Ahsoka was on trial for her life, and if he didn't get to her in time, if he failed her, she would've been executed. He never would've imagined Ahsoka would have to face the same thing, even if he hardly understands why she's so upset about it when she knows what he did that night.
"It's okay, Snips," he replies, hoarsely, "I'm fine."
Ahsoka bounces just a little on his stomach, enough to knock his breath out anyway, and he lets out a strangled 'oof'. "You are not fine," she replies as fiercely as the death grip on his hand suddenly is. "You – you could've – They were killing you."
He itches to pull her into his arms and never let go, as though it would block out the memory of every bit of that moment. (He wishes someone would do that to him, that he could feel protected and safe again. But that will never happen, will it?) "We're safe now," is the most he can offer, even if he can only desperately hope to the Force that that's true.
The soft rose petals of a Force presence that Ahsoka always was, has changed now, shifted into something darker. The petals are withering and going dark at once, without actually dying. He hasn't truly felt her touch the Light from the moment she rescued him. It scares him, but he doesn't know what to do about it. It's not like he has, either.
When she doesn't make any move to get off, Anakin twists sideways, dislodging her. She half-rolls off of him, landing on the bed next to him. He slides an arm around her, pulling her close, and she curls up half on top of him, the way she often used to end up during nights on the battlefield.
"We really need to get up," Ahsoka mumbles finally, voice muffled against his chest.
Even though he really doesn't want to move right now. "What time is it?" he asks, hand lightly trailing across the back of her lekku.
"An hour past the time we usually get up."
"An hour?" He didn't mean to sleep that late – not that they have much to do. He's never had issue with sleeping late before, only the opposite, but he's still... recovering.
Ahsoka shrugs, as best she can when she's still pressed against him. "We were gonna let you sleep, but Obi-Wan's heading to town soon, and I thought you'd want to go."
Right.
He ought to, even if he's not terribly keen on being around him right now. (It's almost ridiculous how he can miss him when they live in the same house, but they haven't truly spoken since everything happened. And even before then, before everything fell, they were fighting. Sometimes, it feels like that's all they ever do.)
"I should," Anakin agrees, moving to get up.
Ahsoka – who's half on top of him again – pushes him back down. "I think you ought to stay in bed. You don't... look good."
She shouldn't need to be worried about him, but she... still is, for some unfathomable reason. He doesn't know what he'd do if she wasn't here.
"I'll be fine, Snips."
She doesn't move, though, expression far too serious for what it ought to be when she's still only seventeen. He hasn't seen her smile in so long, and he misses it. He reaches up when she's not expecting it – too focused on keeping him down – and starts tickling her.
"Hey!" Ahsoka yelps, a surprised giggle escaping her as she rolls off of him to get away.
He doesn't stop his own laugh, however brief it is, as he finally sits up.
"I won't fall for that trick again," she warns with a huff, though she's smothering a smile as she swings off the edge of his bed.
He should get going, though, before Obi-Wan gets impatient. It's getting late anyway, even if it's not as if they have anything important to do anymore.
**w**
Anakin has no idea how long it's been. A day? Two days? Only hours? Time is a blur in here, especially when the pain is steadily increasing. It didn't seem to be getting bad so quickly at first, but that's probably because his body is beginning to much more rapidly deteriorate now.
Maybe, the Jedi are just going to leave him in here like this until he dies. It would spare them the messiness of execution, after all.
Which is when he finally hears a noise outside the ray shield. He opens his eyes – his head was tilted against the wall, trying and failing to stop the pounding headache – to see two Temple guards.
They're here for him.
His heart rate picks up instantly, even if he still feels mostly resigned. That doesn't mean he's... ready for this. The end.
He drags himself to his feet without being asked, moving unsteadily for the door. What makes him still entirely is when he sees Obi-Wan standing in the hallway outside.
He's –
Why is he...
Anakin doesn't want to know what's going to happen now, at all actually. The sharp wave of hurt and betrayal – even if he must deserve this – is nearly enough to take his breath away, not that he isn't already having a hard time breathing.
Is he going to – why –
Maybe it's better he's half out of it that he can hardly form a coherent thought anyway, because he doesn't want to. He does notice that Obi-Wan's pace seems deliberately slow, enough that Anakin can actually keep up without face-planting. Not as if such consideration matters when he's about to – to be killed.
That Obi-Wan doesn't even say anything to him somehow cuts far deeper than he wants to think about, even in this hazy state. Not that he wants to hear the cutting condemnation right before – right when it's the last thing he'll ever hear from his former master anyway.
They reach an upper level in the prison area when Obi-Wan suddenly pauses. He lashes out with the Force, suddenly, sending one of the guards flying into the wall. The other goes flying a different direction as a familiar figure drops down from the ceiling.
Ahsoka?
What's she doing here?
His mind must be moving too slowly, because Obi-Wan's already cutting the binders on his wrists before it fully registers what's happening. They're... they're breaking him out.
The Force and all the sensations of the life around him come rushing back full force, so strongly it feels like he's being hit with way too much air when he couldn't breathe a second ago. His head is swimming wildly, and he abruptly loses balance.
Someone catches him. He can tell mostly from the weight distribution and the strength of the grip that it must be Obi-Wan. He can distantly hear worried voices, but everything hurts, and it's too much, too suddenly.
"Anakin?" Ahsoka asks; she sounds sacred. More than just scared, actually.
He wants to answer but it hurts, and all he can do is keep his eyes closed, trying to deal with the sudden stimuli.
"We need to move," he hears Obi-Wan saying, before he's awkwardly half-lifted off the ground, and they start moving. Everything is moving too quickly, but at least the overhwleming pain is starting to recede just a little. At least he can feel the Force again.
He finally opens his eyes at the sudden rush of fresh air. They're in the back of a speeder somewhere, off a small landing platform on the outside of the Temple. Ahsoka jumps into the pilot seat to take off, as Obi-Wan lowers him into the back, and they streak away into the endless lines of traffic.
Ahsoka – she came for him. And Obi-Wan...
All this time, Anakin thought he was going to go along with it. He never had a reason to believe anything else. But he –
It floods him with a sudden overhwleming guilt, knowing how every bit of what he did here would've hurt his once master, but he's still... doing this for some reason. Which doesn't really make sense when he's always put the Order first.
"Anakin?" Obi-Wan asks, crouching next to him. He could swear there's a hint of worry there, as his hand lingers a moment linger than necessary on his shoulder.
"Mast'r, he rasps, weakly. His voice sounds awful. When was the last time he talked, anyway? Probably sometime during the trial before they told him to shut up, even if in not so many words, whenever that was.
Obi-Wan looks momentarily relieved, even if that flicker is gone just as quickly. Anakin can still sense it in his rain of a presence, but it feels far stormier than he's ever felt before. Dark. Angry. Wild. It's... scary, if he's being honest. Especially when he can also tell much of that is still directed at him.
Ahsoka's rose petal of a presence is going dark too, even if it's changed a lot, likely over the time they were apart.
Obi-Wan pulls back, then. Anakin achingly misses the contact instantly, not that he'd ever ask for it back. It's been so long since he touched anyone. The last person was Padme, before... before everything fell apart.
Obi-Wan shuffles through a bag of things they must've brought with them, pulling out water and pushing it into Anakin's hands. He gulps it down gratefully – at least he's able to stomach it right now, unlike most of the time recently.
He needs to say something to them about what happened with the Jedi, but he doesn't know where to start. He hadn't really had time to think of how Obi-Wan would react to it, but he was... terrified of facing that. Still is, because he certain it's going to be coming, even if he wasn't going along with the Council to have him killed. "Thank you for – for coming for me," he rasps finally. He doesn't even know where to begin.
"Of course, we came for you, Skyguy," Ahsoka replies, though she sounds angry and a little appalled at once.
His gaze darts to Obi-Wan. "Master, I –" he starts, even if he has no idea what he's about to say.
"I would like an explanation," Obi-Wan cuts him off, and yes, he's definitely furious, from the way his voice is too carefully even and hard. He's just trying not to lash out, because of circumstances. "But I don't believe you're in a state for talking about anything right now."
He could've asked him in the trial. He tried to explain, and they all argued over him. He... doesn't know that he believes Obi-Wan would listen to him anymore now.
But his former master is right that he's not ready for any conversation right now, and he's maybe unreasonably grateful that Obi-Wan's even giving him that chance. He's too worn out to do much of anything right now, except slump back in his seat, silently grateful that they... took him out of there.
**w**
They never did talk about it. Not really. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka asked him for an explanation, and Anakin had tried to give them one, but it hadn't gone over well. They'd finally just dropped it, and no one's really touched the subject since. He's... not really looking forward to when it does come up again. It's only been a couple weeks so far. He knows it's going to happen eventually.
Anakin steps into the main room of their house – it only has three rooms on the top level and the lower one where he stays so no one sees him – heading to where he keeps his bounty hunter disguise in the corner.
Obi-Wan is waiting, and it's still jarring to see his face when it's so different. He dyed his hair black and cut it far shorter. No one would recognize him. Half the time, Anakin feels like he's looking at someone else, for how much he's changed.
"Have you eaten?" Obi-Wan asks, and Anakin stills, midway about to pull on his metal-reenforced left glove. Pretending to be a cyborg is convenient, in some ways. It also means he can wear a mask that looks like it's intended as a breathing mask of sorts, so no one can see his features, or question why he's wearing such a suit.
"I... will do that later," Anakin offers.
Obi-Wan crosses his arms, giving him a pointed look.
Well.
A debate on that won't be going anywhere. They've both been... very much hovering over him. Considering how desperately alone he felt when he nearly died – it's still sinking in that he's not going to now – he doesn't always mind, but...
"Fine," he concedes, getting something quick and moving to their small table.
Obi-Wan collects some tea-concoction-something, from the tiny kitchen area, taking a seat across from him. Why he bothers when he always complains about how poor quality it is compared to what they got on Coruscant, Anakin has no idea.
The pause of silence that drags on between them is almost awkward, but that's usually true recently.
"If we can't pull another bigger job soon, we'll have to look elsewhere," Obi-Wan comments finally, clearly disgruntled.
Having to manage credits like this is something else complicated that none of them have had to do before. Ahsoka is ironically the best at that. They were given what they needed at the Temple. Now they... have to figure that out on their own. Anakin had to somewhat on Tatooine, but at the end of the day, he only "earned" whatever Watto gave him. It wasn't like this.
"Maybe we need a different profession," Anakin points out, dryly.
Playing as bounty hunters works, especially in a crime place like Corellia, but they're obviously picky about the jobs they actually take, and that means they don't often have much.
"We already discussed all other options."
He leans back in his seat, breathing out heavily. "I know."
It's the easiest way to explain why they don't interact with people, and why they carry weapons. No one will come too close either.
Silence lingers again, and Anakin glances up at Obi-Wan a few times, uncertainly. He could swear he keeps feeling Obi-Wan looking at him, but he never is when Anakin actually glances at him.
It still feels like he should say something, even if he really doesn't want to. Depression is already crushing him constantly, ceaselessly, and if he started outright fighting with Obi-Wan right now, he doesn't think he could handle it.
For an aching moment, he misses Padme. He only stopped by her briefly before going into hiding. It was long enough to make sure she was okay, long enough to hold the twins in his arms, before Padme had them sent away to be hidden from the Jedi. She wanted to stay in the Senate to do something about the Jedi oligarchy, because for all that they claim it's a Republic, it's certainly operating nothing like one. They won't even give up their power – just like Palpatine feared.
And he didn't want to risk them hurting Padme or his children, while they're out for his blood.
"What?" Obi-Wan asks finally, catching his gaze.
"Nothing," Anakin mutters, gaze hastily returning to his food.
That Obi-Wan doesn't press gives him the feeling he doesn't want to bring it up either. Which Anakin almost finds surprising, but nothing about this really makes sense. His master was always a Jedi first. It was never fair to expect more, but then, he suddenly turned on the Jedi, and it leaves Anakin with no idea what to expect.
Ahsoka steps into the room then, glancing between them before sliding unnecessarily noisily into her seat, maybe to break up the moment. She slouches forwards a little dramatically, half on the table. "There has to be something more creative we could do," she pipes up, an obvious indication she heard the end of their discussion, "I don't want to just sit here forever."
Anakin doesn't either, but he doesn't know what else to do. He wanted to settle down with Padme, and now, he can't so long as the Jedi are... out there. He wants to help the galaxy, too, and he's beginning to think it would've been easier for the galaxy had they been destroyed, as sick as it makes him feel to even think such a thing.
"Unless you'd like to start a high-quality tea brewery," Anakin interjects, dryly.
Obi-Wan huff. "There is no such thing as a tea brewery, Anakin."
"Then you'd be the first one," Ahsoka chirps, and Anakin realizes abruptly it's the first time they've teased each other since this all started. For a moment that's already fading, it didn't feel forced.
"That is not what it's called," Obi-Wan replies flatly, "And take your elbows off the table."
Ahsoka rolls her eyes dramatically but leans back anyway.
Anakin quickly finishes up eating, standing. "We should go."
Obi-Wan makes a noise of agreement as he downs the rest of his tea, and Anakin heads back to get ready.
**w**
They're sitting on either side of a small table in a cantina when Anakin suddenly senses something.
He starts instantly, leaning forwards as discreetly as he can, even as the panic builds wildly in his chest. This can't be happening. It can't be. Two people dressed casually like anyone else walks in the doorway, but Anakin knows they aren't just anyone.
For all that they're concealing their Force presences, they're still too bright.
Jedi.
Here.
Somehow. And Anakin doubts they'd be here for no reason. They're here for him. He and Obi-Wan can't just get up and walk out either, or that would attract too much attention.
"Dad," Anakin starts, heart pounding, even if he manages to keep his voice even.
It's what he calls Obi-Wan for their disguises, and it only floods him with an aching, gutting longing most of the time. He already knows he won't truly get what that means in return, especially now, but calling him that and knowing the opposite is hard. Even if there's a part of him that... likes to, anyway.
"I see it," Obi-Wan replies, keeping his tone casual.
Anakin's mask gives him a certain advantage, and he glances out of the corner of his eye to where the Jedi entered. One of them is approaching the table but from how they're moving casually, they're trying to pretend they're not giving them any attention.
But they're coming towards them, and that means... their game is up. And he – he can't be taken by the Jedi. No matter how much he might deserve what almost happened. He can't.
Besides, they'd hurt Ahsoka and probably Obi-Wan, and he will not let them do that. There has to be a way out, but he doesn't know what. But he needs to think fast, and he's always been good at that.
They need a distraction. The Jedi is coming closer. It's them the Jedi are suspicious of.
Time to play the part of bounty hunters to the fullest.
"I told you we should've looked for a job elsewhere. We aren't going to get anything here," Anakin says with an exaggerated amount of irritation. The vocoder distorts his voice, but it sounds human enough that someone might think he sounds entirely different than he really does.
"As though you put any effort into doing so," Obi-Wan retorts, in a very twisted accent. He still sounds similar, but Anakin can hope the difference is enough.
Also, he has no idea what they're pretending to be arguing about, but so what?
"That... is not fair," he protests.
They also sound like younglings now.
"Unfair?" Obi-Wan repeats, "Your inability to listen is what is unfair."
That shouldn't sting when it's just a feigned argument, but it still does. And the Jedi are still watching. They need to do something more. And he can't think right now, of what would throw them off entirely. "That's not –" Anakin starts.
"Had you finished your mission effectively from the start, we wouldn't be in this situation," Obi-Wan says, leaning forwards.
And suddenly, this part, he doesn't think is just a feigned argument. He's – he's thinking about the mission to spy on Palpatine, isn't he? Even if that isn't necessarily what he means right now.
It hurts just as much as it upsets him because it was that mission that made Anakin realize Palpatine was right, that made him realize Obi-Wan might be willing to betray the Republic for the Jedi. "How could I have?" Anakin demands, "That would betray every principle we're supposed to follow."
"Would it?" he asks derisively, clearly still mindful of the eyes on them, "Were you that unaware of who our target was?"
"That doesn't mean it was right," he throws back, hands clenching, "It was still against everything we're supposed to follow."
"And the rest of what you did on that mission was?" he asks, lowly. The anger in his voice isn't feigned anymore. It doesn't need to be.
Anakin draws back, a little. He knew this would come up eventually, He just didn't expect it to be right now. "That has nothing to do with – with the rest of this." They can't afford to start an argument about this now, anyway.
"That target had to be neutralized," Obi-Wan throws back, and Anakin wonders sickeningly if that actually is how the Jedi saw it, even if Obi-Wan would never say in those terms if not for the present situation, "The rest of that mission was something else entirely."
"I didn't see any other choice!" he snaps back, his own anger starting to rise, because it's true. He didn't, even if – if there had to be one. But he couldn't stand with the Order, especially not after seeing what they were becoming.
"How," he repeats, "Was there no other choice?"
"You were the one pushing me into a fight I didn't believe in," Anakin retorts, "What you asked me to do – You know that was against everything we were meant to do."
The Jedi aren't leaving. They're still moving a little closer, if anything. They have to – to something. Fast. Anakin doesn't know what.
"You betrayed everything we stood for," Obi-Wan snaps before adding, "Our... reputation. All of it."
He nearly flinches from the first accusation. He already knew Obi-Wan probably thought that, but it still hurts, and it's just as upsetting because the Jedi are the ones who betrayed the Republic, and there's no way Obi-Wan can't see that. (Even if Anakin still regrets how many of the Jedi died there. Even if it will haunt him forever.)
"Don't lecture me, Dad," Anakin retorts, ever mindful of the eyes on them, and something like that isn't something he would ever have said as a Jedi. Even if it's every bit how he's feeling right now, though he'd never voice it if not for the situation. "I could see through the lies you were telling me."
Obi-Wan stands much too abruptly, something almost threatening about the move, or maybe it's just that Anakin's feeling so jumpy right now. "And I have seen enough of your... attitude. If you cannot show a shred of obedience, there's other ways I can teach it to you."
He means –
He doesn't have to spell out what he means. The threat is obvious enough. He means hurting him. It –
He doesn't mean that, though. Not for real. It's just to say something as un-Jedi-like as he can. Anakin knows that. But it certainly doesn't feel like it. He'd been afraid Obi-Wan was fine with having him killed, and he knows he's still furious over what happened to the Jedi. How does he know he doesn't genuinely want to – to physically hurt him? Beat him or – or something.
The way he flinches back in his seat isn't entirely exaggerated.
(And in truth, if he actually tried hurting him, Anakin doesn't think he'd stop him. Not – not if Obi-Wan actually believed he deserved something like that. He can't say that he doesn't. He knows he hurt Obi-Wan irreparably, after all. No matter what the Jedi were or weren't doing.)
"Dad –" he starts anyway, desperately to... something. Apologize, maybe? Because really, getting in an actually physical fight in a cantina would be a perfect way of making sure no one thinks they are who the Jedi suspect. He can't believe Obi-Wan would actually do that, though. Would he?
"Shut up." He doesn't think the anger in Obi-Wan's voice is real anymore, but he doesn't want to know, either.
Anakin flinches again, can't help it, but he instantly goes quiet. It wouldn't hurt so much, if Obi-Wan didn't constantly tell him that when he was a padawan, even if he'd never say it so bluntly. He never listened to anything Anakin said, and now...
He doesn't know why he thought that might get any better now.
But then, he can sense and see the Jedi moving away. He doesn't dare reach out with the Force to tell, but he thinks they're planning to move. It floods with him with a small measure of relief, despite how... depressed he's still feeling. He just needs some air right now, and the moment the Jedi disappear out the door, he pushes himself up from the table, making for the back entrance.
He hears Obi-Wan calling his fake name, but he ignores him. Doesn't really want to talk to him right now. At least not in a public place like this.
He just... wants to cry, which is ridiculous, when it's not like Obi-Wan even meant any of what he said anyway. (Right?)
It's hard to find any quiet spot when there's people everywhere, but he manages eventually. It's a mostly quiet alley way where no one's presently passing by. He slides to the ground next to the wall of a building, arms wrapped around his knees, taking a few moments to just breathe. Only weeks ago, he thought everything would be perfect, and now –
He has Ahsoka back. Everything isn't bad, but it still feels like it.
He thought he'd lose Obi-Wan when he left the Order for his children, but there wasn't anything he could do, even if it hurt. It feels like it happened anyway, though. Not that he didn't know that, the moment he gave in and kneeled to Palpatine in the first place.
"Anakin?"
Predictably, Obi-Wan found him already. He doesn't feel angry anymore, but Anakin doesn't know if he can trust that.
He crouches in front of him after a moment when no one says anything, and Anakin finally risks looking up at him. He seems a little worried and maybe uncomfortable, and a mix of other things Anakin can't decipher.
"Are you... alright?" Obi-Wan asks finally.
What?
Somehow, he didn't expect... that. The question is almost laughable, not that's he capable of it right now. Though it's suddenly making him feel stupid for getting so worked up over... nothing, really. Obi-Wan was just trying to get them out of danger. (That doesn't change that sometimes he's afraid Obi-Wan will actually hurt him, once whatever this truce between them is finally shatters, and to hear him actually threaten that...)
"Yeah," he offers, even if it sounds like a flat out lie.
Obi-Wan doesn't look remotely convinced. "If what I said hurt you, I... apologize," he says, finally, "You know I didn't... mean that."
Yes, he does. (Does he, though?) "I know."
For a long moment, they just... sit there.
The silence is too tense and awkward, and he's afraid if they don't address this now, it's going to come up again when he wants it to least. "About the rest of what you were saying... I – I'm sorry," he begins, finally. It sounds ridiculously inadequate. He braces himself the moment the words leave his mouth, though, waiting for the... inevitable rejection.
He can certainly feel the way the atmosphere around Obi-Wan shifts towards anger again. "Then why did you do it?" he asks. "I never could have thought you capable of such a thing."
That he sounds maybe a touch more disappointed than angry only hurts worse.
"I told you before," Anakin replies, tiredly, momentarily grateful for the mask that's hiding his face.
"I know what you told me before," Obi-Wan replies, "But that doesn't answer how you could, regardless of what the law said. If... it were Ahsoka guilty of... a crime the law was that harsh about, I can't imagine you would ever turn against her."
That – is entirely different, not that he can imagine Ahsoka falling to the level the Jedi have in the first place. She's dark now, and he's worried about it, but she's still her. "It's not the same."
"How isn't it?" he demands, an edge in his voice, "The Jedi were your family. They –"
Anakin shakes his head, looking away. "No, they weren't, Master. Ahsoka and you... are, but not them as a group. I saw so many losing their way throughout the war, and I saw Windu about to break everything the Jedi stood for, and Palpatine wasn't wrong that they were planning to take over the Republic. You know that, Master. And I didn't want to believe it, but then I saw it happening, and you always taught me I had to put the greater good over what I wanted to do. I didn't want to do it, and I'm not... blaming you for my choices, but I didn't know what else to do."
Obi-Wan doesn't look any happier. "I know you were raised knowing what a... normal family was like, but the Jedi still took you in, raised you."
"You raised me," Anakin objects, quietly, sounding about as worn as he feels, "Not the Jedi. They never wanted me there. I was never one of them."
"The Council may have had their doubts at first, but that... is not true, Anakin. You were one of the best of us."
He doesn't miss the "were", not like there's a surprise about that. He certainly isn't anymore. He failed at being a Jedi, like he has at pretty much everything. At least Padme survived, though.
He doesn't know what to say to that. Maybe there's nothing they really can say. This can't be fixed. They can only learn to deal with it somehow. "Why do you say that now?" he asks finally, a touch bitterly, but mostly... overwhelmed that he'd say it at all. Even if he doesn't know that he believes it's what Obi-Wan genuinely believes.
"I told you that before Utapau," he reminds.
"I know, but – but before that you never indicated that even once. Ever." He doesn't know why he's even bringing this up. Maybe, he's too tired to realize that he really ought to be quiet, for real this time.
"That is not true," he starts, sounding the slightest bit irked.
"All you ever told me was that I wasn't doing enough, or that I was doing too much. I don't... understand how you could say this now."
"If this is about you... constantly trying to prove yourself, we've spoken about this countless times before. After Zygerria, I... can understand why you have trouble with this, but it's something you need to overcome eventually, Anakin."
Anakin looks away, a fresh wave of depression smothering him. Talking about any of this is hard, and it doesn't feel like it gets anywhere, anyway. It –
"What's... wrong?" he asks, maybe picking up, at least a little, on the sharp turn of his emotions.
"You asked me how I could do this when I was one of you," Anakin says, "But you know I was always different. I never felt the same. Not once."
Obi-Wan sits back, frowning. "I know you had issues fitting in, but not to... that extent."
"It... was always hard. You were all I had then, but we never –" He won't add that Palpatine was the one who helped him so much in those early years. Even now, he doesn't know how he would've survived without him.
"What?" he prompts again. That he's letting him talk at all is genuinely surprising. Maybe, he's just as lost as how things got to this point as Anakin himself feels even now.
Anakin tries to imagine explaining, about how much Obi-Wan hurt him constantly, and he just... can't. Maybe he'd try, if he knew Obi-Wan would actually hear him out, but he's too afraid to be cut off mid-way. And he doesn't want to hurt him, either. He knows it wasn't intentional. At least, he doesn't think so. "You were a good master. That's – that's all I could've asked for."
"I know we have had... difficulties," Obi-Wan says finally, slowly, "But I never noticed it to the extent you're speaking of. I... failed you, Anakin."
His head snaps up, surprised and confused at once, because what – "I'm not your failure, Master. You... Thank you for coming for me," Anakin says, quietly, "I didn't... deserve that." Not from Obi-Wan, anyway. Sometimes, he doesn't even understand why he's still here with him.
Obi-Wan stills for a moment, studying him. "I... saw how much it was hurting you to be cut off from the Force like that. It... was supposed to be a real trial, but I know that isn't how it... ended up."
Talking about it brings back all the emotions he was feeling then, and he doesn't want to think about it. Every minute of that had been agonizing, and it – He tries to blink away the tears burning his eyes.
He nearly jumps at the suddenness when Obi-Wan touches his shoulder.
It only makes his chest feel tighter. "I'm sorry," he mutters again, leaning closer when Obi-Wan lightly squeezes his shoulder.
It's oddly comforting – despite what happened in the cantina, and his fears over that are slipping away, for now at least – and he desperately wants that right now. Anakin leans forwards without really thinking about it, once he's... fairly certain it won't be rejected, wrapping his arms around Obi-Wan tightly.
It's been a very long time since he has. Mostly, it was just when he was a young padawan, but everything is different now. He didn't think it would be welcome, but Obi-Wan's the one who touched him first.
His former master slips his arms around him in return, though a little more loosely.
Now, Anakin really wishes he didn't have his disguise on. It makes feeling most of it more difficult. "Are you alright?" Obi-Wan asks him again.
As if. "I... don't know. I will be. What about you?" he queries, uncertainly, "I – I know I hurt you."
Obi-Wan doesn't answer him. Somehow, he's not surprised about that. It doesn't really feel like he has the right to ask in the first place. "We should go before they find us out here."
"Yes," Anakin agrees reluctantly, pulling back, "I don't think we should stay here, on Corellia I mean."
Obi-Wan stands, and they start down the street again, heading for their home which won't be their home much longer. They knew this would happen eventually, but that doesn't mean he's happy it's so soon.
"We shouldn't," Obi-Wan agrees grudgingly, "But then, we'll have to change our disguises so no one can track us there or moving will be pointless."
"Do we?" Anakin asks, feeling a sudden, ridiculous swell of disappointment. It's strange to call Obi-Wan 'Dad' but he – he thinks he rather likes it, too. "Bounty hunters move their base of operation sometimes, and no one really knows our names." It might be safter, though. Maybe.
"Perhaps not, but this disguise is getting old." He sounds decidedly grumpy. To be fair, he seemed overly unhappy about changing his hair so much in the first place.
"Does it really bother you that much?" he inquires, dryly.
Obi-Wan huffs. "It was acceptable for a time."
"Come on, Da- Master –" He hastily corrects himself. He can't believe he nearly slipped up on that. But he's grown so used to the opposite.
"And now, you cannot even keep my title straight."
As if there's ever been a difference for him. "Do you want to keep that the same?" Anakin asks, trying not to make it obvious how hopeful he is. He wants to, but he's afraid of the rejection, especially right now.
"You seem fine with it," Obi-Wan comments, side-eyeing him. Though why, he's not exactly sure.
Maybe looking for some specific reaction? He's not sure. "You know I am, Master," Anakin replies, quietly.
"So you mentioned before." His tone is too neutral for Anakin to tell the meaning, unless it's because he's too nervous. (Afraid of being hurt.)
"Are you alright with – with keeping that part of disguise the same?" It's a far easier way to ask the question, rather than directly addressing what he really wants to know. That... isn't important anyway.
Obi-Wan studies him for a moment, though there's something slightly softer in his gaze. "Yes, I am. I... understand what that means to you."
His chest tightens from emotion, and he desperately wants to say something to that, even if he can't find the words. (He wants to hear that Obi-Wan feels the same, but he doesn't think his master would ever outright say it, even if he's indicated it. He doesn't... talk about emotions like that. It's not the Jedi way, anyway.)
Obi-Wan touches his shoulder for a brief moment, though, and Anakin leans into it, reaching up to touch his hand with his own human one. Not that it matters when he can't feel much of anything through his metal-enforced glove, but the emotion is still as visible as it could be.
"We should go," his former master says finally, pulling back, but Anakin still feels... better. For now at least.
**w**
"You wouldn't believe this," Ahsoka says, opening the door before they even step inside. She sounds angry, a certain fire burning in her eyes that catches Anakin entirely by surprise. What would have triggered this?
"What's wrong?" Anakin queries, stepping inside and heading to the corner to remove his disguise.
"A holo caught on security footage somewhere," she replies, "It's of the Jedi."
That... doesn't sound good. He's not entirely sure what she means, either.
"What?" Obi-Wan demands.
Ahsoka steps over to their holoprojector, flipping it on. Anakin instantly has a bad feeling, when he sees the hologram that's playing.
It's inside the residence of some Senator's apartment, from the looks of it. Whoever it is – Anakin can't recall the name, but they look familiar, like they're someone Padme works with often – is arguing with Mundi and another Jedi present.
From what he can gather, with the poor sound quality, they're angry over all the changes the Jedi have made and are demanding that they give power back to the Senate immediately. The conversation isn't going anywhere, and then Mundi declares that because they're only sowing disorder in the failing Republic, they'll have to be... dealt with.
The Senator's guards immediately react to the obvious threat, and it quickly descends into violence. The fight ends with all the guards dead, and the Senator draws a blaster to shoot at the Jedi, only to get the shot deflected right back at them.
Mundi didn't need to direct it the way he did, killing the Senator instantly, but he still did.
They just killed someone for disagreeing with them, entirely senselessly. And this person wasn't a Sith. It was a Senator, with every right to express legitimate concerns, and the Jedi are silencing that.
Anakin feels numb with horror, even if he's not as shocked as he would have been, before everything fell apart.
"The Jedi are claiming the holo is forged to make them look bad," Ahsoka says as it finishes playing, "But I looked into it. That Senator is missing."
Obi-Wan seems... shaken, though he doesn't immediately reply.
"We have to do something," Anakin states, without really thinking through what that would entail. If the Jedi are doing things this extreme already, even Padme could be in danger from them right now. There's no way she's quiet about the changes, and... The twins. Something could happen to them, too.
He can't sit back and hide anymore.
"What exactly are you proposing we do?" Obi-Wan asks.
"I don't know," Ahsoka speaks for him, "But we have to. How could the Jedi do something like this?"
"I don't know, Snips," Anakin replies, quietly. He takes her hand when she reaches for him, squeezing it tightly.
"This... is too far. It was never what we intended to do," Obi-Wan agrees.
"I'm sure there's people out there who already have a resistance of some kind," Ahsoka speaks up. Clearly, she's furious, and she's probably been thinking about it the entire time they were gone. To be fair, she's always seen things in black and white, and now that she's truly seeing what the Jedi are becoming – which, he thinks, started when she heard about his trial – she can't see them as anything but the darkness they've become.
Right now, Anakin's having a hard time with that, too. Even if he knows everyone couldn't have agreed with it. And even if some of the extreme action they're taking might be because of how many they lost in Operational Knightfall. That doesn't make it right. (Even if it doesn't make right what he did, either.)
"We could contact them, see if there is a way we could assist them," Anakin offers. He already fought the Jedi once, and he can't imagine all of them doing it, essentially getting involved in yet another war, but they can't let this continue. No matter how much he doesn't want to do it. "We cannot remain here, regardless."
At least it answers where they'll go.
"What do you mean?" Ahsoka asks, frowning.
"Jedi came into the cantina. They were watching us," he explains, and Ahsoka's grip on his hand tightens until it's almost crushing, "We need to leave before they return for a closer look."
Obi-Wan nods, even if Anakin can tell how unhappy he is. "Yes, we must."
He doesn't voice any objections to their next course of action, which means it's... settled. They'll see if they can track down any resistance movement against the Jedi's forced rule and take it from there.
No matter how much Anakin doesn't like what this is going to mean, he can at least be grateful that they're together.
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