Ash kept losing. He was desperate, clawing for success that always eluded his grasp. Alain was just so much stronger. Sawyer hadn't been on his journey for even a year and had beaten him. And Wulfric had just pulverized him in a gym battle.
Even worse than all that, he was out of sync with Greninja and his other Pokémon, always off-balance, like there was something missing. But what?
He paced around in the snow. What could he do? What should he do? Train harder? But how?! He was putting his all into every training session, every battle, but it wasn't enough.
A cold emptiness settled in his chest. He wasn't enough.
The log in the clearing was a terrible seat but he sat anyways, almost dizzy. Was that it? Was he just…not a good enough trainer? Not good enough to win, to even qualify for the league championship in Kalos, let alone beat it. Not good enough for Greninja to fully unlock his potential, to fulfill his promises to his Pokémon.
He was holding his teammates back.
He heard distant crunches in the snow, footsteps approaching him. He glanced up to see Serena, panting a bit, smiling as she walked into his clearing.
He was a bit surprised to see her. Then he noticed the sky overhead, the time, and realized he'd been out here much longer than he'd thought. She'd had to come out here to find him.
Then she started talking and Ash felt something dark and mean seethe in his chest. What was she doing here? Had she come out here to cheer him up? Why? Why wouldn't she be quiet and let him think?!
He hated her for a moment, as she talked about losing. What did she know? She'd just started her journey and had done phenomenally in her Showcases! What did she know about struggle, about loss? He'd been in more leagues and more regions than anyone he knew of, and he still had yet to even reach the semifinals of a conference.
When he snapped at her, she snapped back, then when he told her to leave him alone, she pelted him with snowballs and ran off into the woods. "You're not acting like the Ash I know!" He thought she might have been crying.
She had quite the throwing arm. He laid in the snow and looked up at the sky and wondered what in the world had just happened. Serena had never been so mad at him before. He'd never been so rude to her, though.
"You're not acting like the Ash I know!"
He growled at himself, then cried out in frustration. Then he stared at the sky some more, not seeing much of anything.
He already felt terrible for what he'd said, what he'd thought. He didn't hate Serena, not even a little. One, she was a ray of sunshine personified. Hating her would be like hating summer itself.
Two…she did know about struggle and loss. She had only just found her dream after years of trying to be a Rhyhorn racer to please her mom. After years of not having a dream at all, of being resigned to just…not being happy.
Serena had been so shy when they met in Santalune City. That timid girl wouldn't have yelled at him or thrown snowballs at him. She'd gotten braver. She'd always been strong, but she'd found her confidence now, too.
And she'd never said so, but he was pretty sure she'd been bullied in school and on her dance teams—she hadn't been in school recently, but she hadn't started her journey or done anything else. She was an excellent dancer but never talked about how she learned to dance. She never mentioned any old friends, never wanted to visit anyone specific to catch up. And bullying…that killed dreams. It had almost killed Ash's, when he'd been in school. It was part of why he'd started his journey so early, to get away.
Serena had been struggling for years, just as he had. She hadn't just started from zero and zoomed to the top—she'd been practicing dancing, costuming, and baking her whole life. She just had an outlet for it now, a way for people to see and appreciate what she'd been all along. A direction to move forward in.
"You're not acting like the Ash I know!"
Full of energy, positive, a leader…and never gave up. He wanted to be those things. He'd tried so hard to become a trainer he could be proud of being, and he'd…thought he'd done alright, here in Kalos.
He groaned and pushed himself up. What was wrong with him? Laying around, feeling sorry for himself? Nothing was going to change if he just moped about it—he had to do what he always did. He had to get back up and keep going. He couldn't give up!
So what if he lost? So what if others surpassed him? It just meant there was more to strive for and stronger trainers to battle. And maybe he would never win a league, but again, so what? That's not why he battled. He wanted to get stronger with his Pokémon, to become the best him he could be, to see new places and have adventures and make new friends. He wanted to see his friends reach for their dreams and help them however he could.
So he took a deep breath and got back to his feet.
It took him a while to get back to his friends, all of them out searching for him. He thanked Serena for finding him, for trying to help him. He apologized as well. He wouldn't do that again, wouldn't worry them all again. And he wouldn't lose sight of his real goals again—the person he wanted to become, the bonds he wanted to strengthen. It would be hard and he'd fall short a lot, but he wouldn't give up until the end.
She smiled at him, grabbing the ribbon on her chest, and Ash knew he'd been forgiven.