Crystalline Entity - Alternate Record

by Cpt. Lynx

This is the story of how Darth Imperius, the Emperor of the Eternal Alliance, found himself on Terra. Burdened by the ghosts of his past, will he be able to fulfil his purpose and find happiness, or will the darkness consume him? As a fair warning, this contains dark and mature themes in much greater detail than the other version, so discretion is advised.

13. Day 10-3: Of Heroes, Monsters and a Fair

A/N: I don't have much to say this time around. You know the drill by now, I hope you'll enjoy it. Feel free to let me know if you do so.

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As we approach the more densely populated part of town, Leanna must let go. Illusionary luck mustn't be pushed so readily.
Though even if I understand that, my expression still falls visibly, and the aura of happiness around us dims considerably as well as I drop all illusions.

'I'm sorry, but it's necessary.'

'I know... but that doesn't mean I like it.'

We walk together, spending some time in comfortable silence.
After a moment, Leanna eventually starts talking again, gifting me with the sound of her voice.
"Like almost every populated area in Esaria, Stonecrest suffered during the war against VOID."

I nod grimly, my mood still dulled.
"War tends to have plenty of negative effects."

"You might've noticed an area of the town that's in ruins. During the siege, it was occupied by VOID and sympathizers. And even discounting the effects of a war using Shadow magic, battles involving VOID tended to be incredibly devastating."
She shakes her head.
"They tended to opt for scorched earth and ambush tactics, meaning that the best option most of the time was to burn out occupied structures until they collapsed. Plenty of Royalists and Allies died in an effort to capture intact and habitable areas."

I frown in disgust.

"Besides, as I'm sure you're aware by now, any areas occupied by VOID would have a heavy Shadow magic bent to them, meaning that in the case of heavily tainted areas, plenty of energy would be needed to make them safe again anyways. So oftentimes, a commander just wouldn't bother."

"So, the war left plenty of uninhabitable wastelands?"

"In cities, yes. It's one of the reasons Illumia is the way it is - when contact was made with the Dwarven Holds, the Kingdom was hearing design concepts for rebuilding the capital."

I raise a brow.
"Okay?"

"The one that eventually was approved was the one you saw - a city of many levels, carved and lit and maintained by magic."
She smiles proudly.
"A new city, for a new world."

I nod in approval.
"Your architects certainly succeeded in that. It is very impressive, you must be very proud."

"But I digress. During the war, most populated areas were assigned at least one Mage Knight to oversee defense. Stonecrest was no different. They received Alaina Vale, a Wind Knight student."
She stops in front of a stone statue, chiselled of volcanic basalt, depicting a woman in armour. She takes a dynamic pose, crouched with her sword out and ready to leap at any foe.

I look up at the expertly crafted statue with an analytical eye.
"Well, the fact she got this neat statue probably means that she did something important, right?"

Leanna nods smiling at the statue, though her smile dims the more she speaks.
"She did. Despite being only a student, Alaina was the Line Commander during the Siege of Stonecrest, as well as their primary combat mage. She volunteered for the position when she heard that VOID's movement was coming here, as she wanted to defend her home. When the war began, VOID's primary pool of recruits came in the form of mages who believed in the organization's goals, noble houses placing their bets, and the many, many conscripted commoners from the locations those houses administered. This meant that when VOID revealed itself, approximately half of the known practitioners of magic went rogue."

I frown again.
"Conscripts, huh?"

I then shake my head, memories of the incursion of Revanites resurfacing.
"But yeah, that does sound rather familiar."

"Combine that with the people that had been training in secret, forming VOID's core of Shadow mages, and the Guild of the era was hideously understrength. For a town the size of Stonecrest, they could spare only one Knight in training, a handful of mages, and the rest was due to be picked up by the locals and the Royal Army. But even then, we didn't have the same type of training regimen in place back then as we do now. Normal townsfolk weren't trained or prepared to fight in a battle and it was absolute chaos."
She gazes up at the statue with a mixture of different emotions that are difficult to differentiate. I'd best describe it as contemplative.
"Scouts by the gate spotted the advancement of a VOID troop coming to town, which caused panic. Alaina quickly took charge and tried to calm the people down. Thinking on her feet, she asked for volunteers to help evacuate families from the city and others to help set up barricades and defenses in town to slow the VOID advancement.
Those who stayed to fight knew what the consequences would be, but Alaina's unfaltering bravery rallied them. Together, they found whatever they could to block off the streets and alleyways. That way, they could at least try to control where the fights happen. And then VOID entered the town."

My face is grim, and I just now notice that I have clenched my fists.
"That must have been a bloodbath."

Leanna grimaces.
"It wasn't pretty. These weren't trained soldiers, but still, they persevered for their town. Alaina and a team of guards sought out the leader of VOID, who was hidden in the back lines. They used hidden passageways in the town to quickly reach him. Using her magic and training, she was a formidable match during the skirmish, and at one point, she even had the upper hand. When the leader realized he may be cut down, he cowardly tried to retreat. He cast a line of shadow fire between himself and Alaina, which stretched across the road. It burned both any VOID followers and townsmen alike who were caught in the crossfire."

She begins to speak in awe.
"But that did not stop Alaina. She leapt through the dark flames and ran her sword straight through him!"

I nod in approval.
"An impressive feat of bravery."

Leanna grins broadly, her eyes sparkling.
"It was! And a huge morale boost for anyone who witnessed it too."

"I can imagine. She literally jumped through fire. I'm assuming that was the fatal blow that killed the leader?"

Leanna nods.
"Unfortunately, shadow fire is far more deadly than normal fire… and it proved to be fatal."

She sacrificed herself to save the people of her town. That is highly admirable.
"What happened then?"

"With the VOID leader defeated, the rest of the followers broke down and either fled or surrendered. Thanks to Alaina, this town wasn't taken over."
Her gaze droops.
"Yet the Siege of Stonecrest was just one of many battles in the war against VOID. As I said, they had roughly half of the continent's mages on their side, and many noble families with countless soldiers..."

I wince.
"No wonder it took all three kingdoms to band together to stop them."

She nods sadly.
"VOID didn't just come out of nowhere, after all. It was intended to be a carefully timed deathblow against the three kingdoms, to finally unite Esaria."

"It is impressive that you managed to turn the tide against that. How did their plan fall short?"

"The efforts of millions. Mages, soldiers, citizens all. The Allied Movement."

"I assume they did not account for the kingdoms to unite against them like that."

She shakes her head, looking up at the statue.
"Alaina gave her life in defense of this town. So did thousands of others."

I look up at the statue as well.
"But something makes her more memorable than the thousands of others, yes? After all, only her statue stands here."

She trains her beautiful focus back to me.
"Alaina was a knight. Wielding the gifts of magic and warfare in dramatic tandem. The exploits of knights are visible and legendary."

She smiles.
"She's one of the reasons I'm a knight. Alaina was living proof of what Mage-Knights could be... diving through deadly flames of darkness to bring villains to justice... To me, Alaina embodies what it means to be a Mage-Knight. Being a student didn't stop her. She still did everything possible to protect those who needed it. She showed me that no deed is too small to make an impact on someone. Knowing she existed put an obvious lie to what I had heard."

I arc a brow at her.
"That women can't be knights?"

She nods.
"Yes, that. But..."

She looks at the statue again.
"...I do wish that the others were remembered more as well. I've no doubt that this battle and countless others like it had other moments of incredible courage. I have no doubt that Alaine was not the only one capable of standing like she did. And yet across the kingdom, we remember the mages. Only the mages, the nobles, the kings and commanders."

I shrug.
"It's always like that. It's no different in my galaxy. Only the people in command are honoured, or those soldiers who did truly heroic deeds. Though they more often than not also have some form of higher rank."

I then look back up at the statue as well, standing beside Leanna.
Alaine was a hero who gave her life to protect this city from an invading force. That is quite admirable. However... how many times was I the invading force? How many such heroes have I slain?
My expression twists into a slight grimace as I put a hand over my heart, my chest feeling constricted all of a sudden.

Leanan senses my sudden discomfort, her mental voice reaching out with concern.
'Xerath, is something wrong?'

A tear slides down my cheek as my breathing becomes more rugged, labouring.
I have killed thousands. How could I forget that, even for a moment? I am a villain, responsible for the deaths of millions. How am I better than those people from VOID? How can such a pure hero like Leanna stand me, never mind want to be with me, when I should be her natural enemy?
I clench the robe over my heart, slouching forward.

'Xerath, are you okay?'
She seems to listen to something, then frowns, patting my shoulder.
'Xerath, come with me.'

I put up no resistance, swaying slightly from her motion. My wide eyes stare ahead unblinkingly as I draw rapid, shallow breaths.
Why are there people looking up to me when I am such a monster? How could there be people worshipping me, when I am the villain? How many heroes like Alaine have I killed, how many families ripped apart, and how many lives ruined?

My fellow acolytes on Korriban alone... Grathan's forces on Dromund Kaas, the rebelling slaves... the resistance of Balmorra. Normal citizens pushing back against an oppressive new state, just like the people here pushed back against VOID. And I was an attack dog of that state.
My stomach churns and I feel sick as all these memories rush through me. Each person, be they man, woman, human or alien, that I killed in a myriad of gruesome ways, burned into my memory forever, their screams and pained faces haunting me more fiercely than any ghost could ever hope to. I remember the smell of charred flesh, burnt by my lightning and cauterized by my saber.

I notice how I sit down somewhere... like a throne... like I sit on my thrones built of death and suffering. I am a danger to everything and everyone. Wherever I go, death follows. I am nothing but a monster and a villain... I... I should just be gone...

'XERATH.'

I blink. Slowly, very slowly, my gaze turns to Leanna's general direction. She seems to sit across from me.
Right, Leanna. She was around. She's going to tell me that I should just be gone, right? That I am just a burden...

I idly notice Nox doing something.

Oh no... now I've done it, haven't I? This is the moment she has had enough of me. I knew it was too good to be true. I do not deserve such happiness, after all. For all the crimes and sins I committed, I deserve her scorn and hate.

I ball my fists, clenching them to the point where my knuckles turn white.

Suddenly, I am hit by a massive mental force of light and sentimentality turned over and over, wrapped in magic.
'XERATH. STOP. YOU ARE LOVED.'

I recoil like I was struck by a whiplash, bolting upright and eyes blinking rapidly into focus on Leanna.
"H-huh?!"

She does not let up. She speaks in reality, to make sure everything seems normal, but the true voice I hear is from her mind. Every syllable drips with affection and sentimentality, and refuses to be ignored.
"'Xerath, you seem to take every chance you can to hate yourself. Why do you feel the need to do that, when it hurts you and everyone that cares about you?'"

The reality of the situation sinks in, and my eyes grow teary, even as my breathing evens out. It is still very rugged, but not as fast and shallow anymore.
"I..."

I ball my fists tighter, nails cutting through the gloves and skin, drawing green, metallic blood.
"'I'm a... monster. I should've died... ten times over by now. I'm an abomination. I'm alone. Nobody understands... nobody ever cared. And those that did... died. Were ripped away from me. I'm alone...'"

Like hers, my voice resounds within her mind as well. But where her voice was laden with affection, mine is drenched with darkness, pain, misery and a seemingly endless self-loathing.

"'Xerath, you are not a monster.'"
Conviction.
"'No one is. You are a person. And there is nothing anyone could ever do to change that.'"

"'You haven't... seen me on a rampage... as a colicoid. I am a monster.'"

"'Xerath, listen to me. Nothing anyone could ever do can unperson them. You are not a monster. You are a person that has done regretful things, yes, but you are no monster.'"

"'Then what is a monster? You said someone is not a monster because they look icky. You said beasts are not monsters, either. So what are monsters? Because the only thing left, are people that do monstrous things.'"

"'I told you before. A monster is a creature, something that does terrible things without intelligence. It cannot be responsible for its actions. Monsters are not people, and people are not monsters. You are a very human person, with very human blood on your hands, and you think of yourself as a monster to somehow separate the good of the human from the evil of the monster but they are of the same.'"

I hold up the fist where the green blood trickles faster off than it normally should. The droplets hit the table, sizzling.
"'Even the human in me isn't fully good. I am an evil abomination, and I shouldn't exist! Everything about me is abnormal, and I am a danger to everything.'"

"'NO.'"

Tears stream down my face.
"'Yes, Leanna. I am unreliable. Unstable. With the powers I have, I am a danger to reality itself.'"

"'Xerath, tell me again about the most recent moral actions which you have done.'"

"I..."
I blink, surprised, caught off guard to the point that I drop my side of the telepathy.
"I don't... know... uhm..."

"'Think hard, and know I'm with you the whole way. Take your time.'"

"...but why? I'm pathetic, aren't I? Why do you waste your time with me?"

"'Why wouldn't I? What about what you just said implies that I would feel the need to leave?'"

"Because everyone does. Even surrounded by people, I'm alone. Always alone..."

"'So you're using your previous experiences of being abandoned as a reason why I should too? Can't I decide for myself?'"

"You can, of course, but you'll eventually grow tired of me as well... it's always been like that."
I strain at her with a twisted grimace, trying very hard to hold my tears at bay.

"'That is not guaranteed. Do what I asked, please.'"
She gazes directly into my eyes.
"'Describe to me what moral actions you have taken in recent days.'"

"I..."
I swallow audibly, trying in vain to get rid of the lump in my throat. My eyes dart away from her gaze.
"I... I've freed the souls in the Forest of Sorrows... I suppose..."

"'Keep going. That's one action that spared the suffering of thousands of beings.'"

"And I did it for you."

"'Irrelevant. Keep going.'"

Now that I'm not clenching my fists as hard anymore, the wound on my hand has already closed itself again. Only some droplets trickle down every now and then.
"What else...? I... guess I helped you catch those bandit scum alive? Oh, and we defeated the VOID mage - no, wait, that's not a moral choice. But the guards at the gate, I guess? That we talked with them instead of attacking them?"

"'Yes, and each of these are good things. Keep going.'"

"I... I'm not sure... where are you going with this? All of those things, I did for you."

"'Irrelevant. Keep going, Xerath.'"

"How much do you want to hear?! What are you looking for?"
I raise my voice in irritation.

"'I'm looking for what it takes!'"
She slams her hands on the table, leaning far over it toward me.
"'Xerath, I do not care how long I have to sit here for, because until you figure out that you're worth something again we are not moving.'"

"But I am worth nothing! I'm nothing but a tool. A weapon. All I can do is destroy. For over a decade, day in, day out, I killed. I took lives left and right. And when I died, I just woke up again. That is all my life has in store for me!"
Tears flow from my scrunched-up face.
"My life is worthless! Why can't I just end it? Why can't I rest, Leanna?!"

"'I don't know! But since you can't, what can you do?'"

I flail my arms out in anguish.
"I have no clue! I tried everything! But I do know that I can't go on like this for much longer. And to be honest, I don't want to."

"'Xerath, please. Just trust me.'"
There is a deep anguish in her voice - caused by me, but the specific cause is clearly identified. This specific thing I am doing is hurting her, and nothing else.

My arms droop down, and I regard her with an incredibly tired and hurting expression, my eyes seem almost hollow and lifeless.
"You are in pain. Because of me... I knew it..."

"'Because you're in pain, Xerath.'"

I grind my teeth.
"It would've been better if you never even met me."

"'NO.'"
The word is forceful, accompanied by a bright flare of anger.

I recoil, shocked by both her firm tone and the surge of power.

"'I wouldn't have known about you, but you would've still existed. Your pain would still be there, and I would have no chance to help.'"
She stares straight into my eyes.
"'Xerath, the only reason I'm hurting right now is because I care about you. Why don't you get that? Why does everything have to be your fault? I know you can't help yourself here, but why can't you just let me help you? I've dictated this to you before. I've shown you in so many ways that I am happy to be around you. You've felt the things I can do - what makes you think that a person who didn't care could do that?'"

"...You're hurting because I'm in pain. But being in pain is my normal state of being. I realise that now. I've always been in pain, I just never noticed because I was too busy facing threats. Thus, my very existence causes you pain because you know me and are around me."
I sniff and turn my face away.
"If you never met me... you wouldn't be in pain now..."

"'Pain is not essential to your existence, Xerath. Nor is it essential to our relationship.'"

My eyes widen a bit in realisation.
"If you wouldn't know me... if you would forget me... you could be happy again."

She sighs exasperated.
"'Xerath, that's not the correct answer. I'm going to be as cold as possible here, as if you didn't just threaten to take my memories away.'"

She takes a breath.
"'If you wanted to do this, assuming for a moment that you could successfully edit my mind despite you being unwilling to enter it in a much safer circumstance, let's see what you'd need to change.'"

Her light is icy, displeased. An almost haughty golden colour.
"'You couldn't just cut out the memories - there's too much different, you'd need to fabricate new memories, and you know that I'm clever and potentially very powerful, so you'd need to edit the people and world around me to make sure I couldn't figure it out and come looking for you.'"

I shrug, almost as if this problem doesn't concern me.
"I would find a way."

"'Which means, effectively, in order to do this, you'll need to edit an entire planet to ensure your absence from my life - performing an action that I find despicable and placing me in a hollow fantasy world, and since you're unsure of the full extent of what I can do even that solution might not be permanent, since regardless of memories you can't touch my soul directly and I'll likely break out eventually. If you want to prove to me you're a monster, that's one good way to do it, Kallig.'"

My eyes narrow.
"Then maybe I should. Maybe then you would finally see that I'm bad for you."
Even now, tears flow down my face. I try to keep a neutral mask, but my expression is twisted in pain.

"'Then where is the man I met days ago? Where is the Xerath that wanted to do better?'"
She shakes her head.
"'Xerath, regardless of the skeletons in your closet, the person I met wanted to do better than what he had done. And regardless of motivation, he delivered. Those things you listed then, all the good deeds you did? You dismissed them because you only wanted to please me. But you know what? Having friends just changes people!'"

"This is me. It was you who told me that I am all of me, regardless of how dismembered my personality feels."

"'That isn't what I mean and you should know it.'"
The emotion is back, hot and vibrant. The air shudders.

"Even if I don't know who I even am, you told me I simply am myself. And this is me being myself. I hate who I am."
I sway, slouching forward, bracing myself against the table. All my energy seems to leave me.
"I hate myself, Leanna. And I hate seeing you hurt just as much. Which is also caused by me, leading me to hate myself even more. So, if you know what I can do about this, please tell me. Because the only thing I can think about is to take myself out of the equation, and I truly believe that would be the best for everyone involved."

"'There is another, better option.'"

I lift my head just enough to glance at her from under my eyebrows.
"Then please tell me. Because I am incredibly tired of feeling like this..."

"'You hate yourself, you want to die, that's a sickness. In the classical, easy-to-understand way, yearning for the most terrible peace is the mind's equivalent of a deadly disease. And death is never the only answer to a disease. There is also the cure.'"

"Yet some diseases are incurable."

"'Are they? Or are the cures merely unknown?'"

I shrug hopelessly, listlessly.
"It doesn't matter for the patient who has no time to find out, does it?"

"'And the cure for what you're feeling is known. It's people.'"

I blink, confused.

"'There is a great deal to the cure, and it varies from case to case, but it is curable.'"

"But how?"
My head falls to the side.
"My mind is broken, falling apart at the seams. I entertained the idea of sharing my memories with you, so that you could understand my pain, but am afraid it would leave you a crying, broken mess."

"'Well, I have a solution then. At least, one for now. You're entertaining the idea of wiping my memories, aren't you? Then what's the harm in letting me see?'"

"Because damage done to the mind, once done, cannot easily be undone."

"'I'm willing to take such a risk.'"

I weakly shake my head.
"I am not."

"'Then how could you possibly think that leaving me through brainwashing is a good idea? Will not that affect my mind?'"

"It will, of course, but not to the extent of potentially destroying your mind."

She sighs.
"'Xerath, you deserve a good life as much as anyone. And I just cannot see you having a good life if you keep shutting others out. Are you going to do the same to Kory when she gets here?'"

My eyes widen.
"I... I..."

I then hang my head.
"I'm not even sure I'll still be around by the time she arrives..."

She stands up and steps around the table.

I can lift my face just barely enough to glance at her.

She hugs me.

I shudder at the contact, but have no strength left to do anything. Only more tears spring forth from my eyes.

She is warm and radiant, and her heart shines with comforting light. She, on no uncertain terms, doesn't want to forget me.

"You... want to remember me? Even if I only hurt you like this?"

She looks at me like I'm insane.
"'There is just... so much wrong with what you just said. Yes, I do. No, hurting me is hardly the only thing you do.'"
Her soft, caring voice seems to wrap around me, holding me as close as her embrace.

I drop my head again.
'I know I'm insane...'

"'And that's okay.'"
It rings with belief, hope, love...

I shake my head in denial.
"No, it isn't! I'm a liability, a danger!"

"'Yes, you are. I wouldn't need to protect you if you weren't.'"

I shudder and shake in her embrace.
"I... I can't be protected, I mustn't... I have to be strong, have to be perfect..."

"'Not for me you don't.'"
She kisses my cheek, setting off a flare of love.
"'You don't have to pretend to be anything for me. When you need something, you'll have it.'"

I blink in remembrance.
"Ask... and receive..."

"Yes, Xerath."
A hand passes through my hair, soft and caring and everything I could ever want.
"'Ask and receive. You have to pretend to be perfect and unassailable for your galaxy, but here? You don't have to be anything.'"

Her smile has returned, as has the enrapturing gleam in her eyes.

I shake like a leaf in the wind.
"I don't have to be anything... then can't I just be nothing?"

"'Is that truly what you want? Is there no other choice you could make? Because I've heard several other desires come from you.'"

I weakly wrap my arms around her, the salty and acidic tears slowly but surely leaving their marks on and in my clothing and the table.
"I'm so tired of feeling like this. Why can't it just stop already? I can't take much more like this. Leanna..."

My voice cracks with emotions, laden with hurt and hopelessness.
"This is destroying me. And I wanted to prevent this end for me, the end of my mind, at all costs. But now... now I kind of look forward to it. I just want to be free of this eternal pain."

"'It's alright.'"
Her voice echoes with a bright and homey tone. As she told me so many times, she welcomes me. Her light pulses all around, its calming, hypnotic patterns in this moment are for me and me alone. She wants me to feel better, to be healed.

I cling onto her, my grip weak and powerless, yet desperate. I bury my face in her welcoming shoulder, wailing her name.
"Leanna...!"

She kisses my forehead, another flare of the gentle, warm love that she surrounds me with, tighter than any embrace.
"'You are no great pain to deal with, being with you is a joy. I've told you before, and I'll tell you again.'"
My unspoken plea for her attention is answered, as her voice rings in my ears and my mind like the blessing of a goddess.

I shudder again, but this time positively.
"Am I... am I really? Am I truly not a bother? Do you truly not wish me gone?"

"'You are bothersome at times, but I would never wish you gone. You remember the bad, and forget the good.'"

"...when all you ever knew is darkness, the light can be hard to see..."

"'And trust me, there is much to want you here for.'"

My grip regains a bit of strength.
"Like what?"

"'Like the way you smile when something makes you happy. You're not perfect, but that's okay. You don't need to be. Not for me.'"

"Is it really? Even in the face of your perfection?"

"'It is because I say it is, Xerath. I'm the person you're trying to please by being perfect for me, yes? Then isn't it true that I get to decide whether I find something acceptable to me?'"

I falter, hesitating.
"Well... yes, technically... true... but..."

I avert my gaze again.
"...how can you like me when I loathe myself? How can you accept me when I'm such a pathetic mess? I just... I don't understand that. I don't understand at all..."

It seems her ability for telepathy is drained, but she still draws her blanket of warmth and affection around me.
"Do you need to? For now, do you need to understand the why?"

"If I understand... maybe then I can accept it... For how can I accept something I do not understand?"

"Well... it's going to be hard to explain how I think to someone who thinks differently... it'll make sense in time, okay?"

"I... I hope so... I sure hope so..."
I cling to her.
"But do I have the time? I'm... I'm coming undone at the seams, Leanna."

"We have to believe that you do. How will you survive if you don't think you can?"

"..."
I lean into her weakly, my strength leaving me again with a suffering sigh.
"...I'm not sure... I want to anymore..."

She looks down.
"If it makes you feel better, I feel inadequate too."

I blink in disbelief.
"What?"

My gaze snaps up at her.
"How? You are so perfect! How could you possibly be inadequate?"

"I couldn't stop you from hurting yourself without reaching for something to shut you down..."
Her eyes glint in the candlelight of our surroundings, seemingly wet.
"I ran out of things to say, so I'm just hugging you and hoping that will help..."

I lean into her.
"Well, then I'd like to note that it does help. However, I would also like to note that it is of no fault of yours that I'm hurt. Or hurting myself, as you say. My mind is broken, literally. That I function the way I do alone is a miracle in itself. But now that the pressure that kept me strong is gone... I became brittle."

"I know people can heal, and I know that other people can help, that they're key... but really I don't know how I'm supposed to do this... I just don't want you to be sad, Xerath."

"Without a new threat to focus on, without the constant danger to keep me on edge, all the terrible things I did... caught up to me. I am responsible for millions of deaths, Leanna. And only now do I realise the weight of that burden, of that guilt. It is crushing me. Meeting you... talking about your book... it made me realise that all the lives I took with my own hands... all those that died due to my orders... all those that perished due to the consequences of my actions... all of them were not just faceless enemies. They were people. They had lives of their own, they had families and loved ones. Parents, siblings, children... and I ripped them out of those lives. How many heroes like Alaina have I slain? How many families have I ruined? How many orphans have I created?"
New tears stream down my face as my voice cracks.
"How am I supposed to live with this guilt, this crushing regret, Leanna? How am I supposed to go on like this, when it feels like I do not deserve to draw breath after all this misery I brought? Never mind the happiness you bring into my life. How could I possibly deserve it after I destroyed the happiness of so many others?"

"By learning. I'm here now. And you have shown you're capable of good to me. So just keep going, with that."

"...but you haven't seen me vanquish entire armies... massacre entire tribes..."
I have to pause for a few sobs.
"...I'm sure you would h-"

Another sob rocks me.
"I'm sure you would hate me if you'd see my memories, see the heinous deeds I committed..."

"Shh..."
Stroke, stroke. Comforting light ripples over me with every pass of her hands.

I readily lean into her touch, and it seems this breaks the damn. Tears stream unhindered and my cries wail out.

She smiles sadly, concentration unbroken. Her embrace is so comfortable, a safe place where I don't have to guard myself, where the world can't bear down on me.

Even before, when I cried in her arms, I sobbed silently. But not now. I let all the grief, guilt, regret, hatred and everything else out, sobbing and wailing as tears stream down my face. With it, turbulent energy rolls around us, gathering in power with each passing minute as I vent my emotions.

She stands firm in the sealed storm, her light cupping around it with gentle care.

My voice is broken in my wailing, but the way I cry her name is unmistakable.
"Leanna!... ...Leanna!"

Like a broken record, I repeat her name over and over again, unable to speak anything else. Until at one point, when I also cry out Kory's name.
That word is accompanied by a loud thundercrack overhead.

She blinks, but smiles brightly in response.
"Oh Xerath, it will be alright."

"I'm so- I... I'm so, so sorry! Kory!"
Another thundercrack. And my wailing continues, uncaring about the thunderstorm I summoned over this position.

The light doesn't leave me. It is not disappointed. It is not dissatisfied. It surrounds me, interleaving with my power in the air and in me. The lightning flashes, but curves away from the earth.

I had a lot of pent-up emotions that fuel this outburst of my power, but it can't go on forever. After some time, Leanna's light manages to break through the clouds, and my wails turn to sobs, and then to silent tears, until those too dry up. The thunderstorm raged violently for quite some time, having turned the day to night, and giving Terra a taste of Dromund Kaas, but after about something that could be an hour, it begins to dissipate again.

I cling to Leanna, thoroughly exhausted and spent, with a hoarse throat and bloodshot, puffy eyes. I pant from the effort.

She cups a cheek, looking at me.
"How are you feeling?"

I sniff.
"...exhausted."

I weakly wipe away my tears.
"But... aside from that... I think I'm... better. Thank you..."

She kisses my forehead, light flooding through me. It's only a peck, but it's as enrapting as any kiss I have received today.
"Good."

I sigh positively at the sensation.
"I... If I can't trust myself... I'll just have to trust you."

I gaze down again.
"Even if the last time I trusted someone like this, she tried to take over my body..."

"Well, at the very least I'm not interested in replacing you with me."
She smiles.
"That specific problem just isn't in the cards."

I chuckle weakly.
"Yeah... who would want this beaten body at this point, anyway?"

"I do. Just not for that."

I blink in confusion.
"W-what?"

In answer, she leans forward and gives me another quick kiss. She tastes like... like... like a goddess...

I sigh, positively melting into her embrace.

After an eternity, the kiss ends in seconds, and my head is left spinning. I can still feel it, like a burning flame in my mouth.

As she pulls back, she puts a finger in the space she created, smiling across the gap.
"But mostly because you're in it, I want it to at least stick around."

I stare dazedly at her lips, then sluggishly look up into her eyes.
"You... mean it? You... like me for me? And want me around?"

My eyes start to water again and my lips quiver.
"You won't betray me, like so many others?"

"I don't want to betray you, Xerath. I just like having you around."
She smirks.
"Any shenanigans I am able to get up to with your help will be totally consensual."

Fresh tears flow from my eyes, but this time, they seem to be out of happiness. I throw myself into her arms.
"Leanna! I love you, Leanna! I love you so, so much! Please, never leave me..."

Another kiss, on the cheek, and she shines like a star all around me.
"I'll see what I can do."
The flow swirls at an ever-increasing pace.

I dry my tears again as I bury my face in her shoulder.
"Alright... And... if you really like to have me around... then I guess... I can continue... for you..."

"For someone else is fine for now."
She scratches my scalp, her hands working their utter magic...

"Krrrrrr..."
I lean into her touch.
"I love you, Leanna. I... Want you to be happy, so... I'll try to not hurt myself anymore. Or... at least not as much..."

I gaze up at her with bloodshot eyes, shining with tears and love.
"You are... the light to my darkness. I'll... do my best... for you. You're... worth the effort."

"Yes... please try not to scare me like that again..."

I blink.
"You were... scared?"

"Of course I was scared! You were, and are, suicidal, and I was afraid you might really hurt yourself."

My expression saddens.
"I mean, even if I tried, I can't."

I hit my chest, where my slightly acidic tears have burned into the armour.
"I could rip my heart out, and it would do nothing."

"But would it do nothing? It would be painful, and you'd sink further into sorrow..."

"Physical pain is nothing to me, anymore. If anything, I welcome it. Because the emotional pain is so much stronger... and I can't just heal that with a snap."

"And the pain of trying and failing?"

I sigh.
"I suppose that's there."

I look on, sad.
"Can you even imagine... how it feels like...?"

Then I quickly shake my head.
"No! I... I just said I wanted to continue... for you... so no more thinking about that."

"No no. Xerath, if you ever feel down, you can bring it to me. I don't want or need a carefully curated image of you."

I blink.

"If you're in pain, it won't help either of us for you to try and hide it."
She cups my cheeks, light billowing through them as she gazes into my eyes.
"When I said I like you, that doesn't mean I like the fake perfect version of you that you show everyone else."

I return her gaze softly, leaning into her touch, holding her hand in place with one of my own.
"...Alright. Thank you, dearest."

She smiles, and her eyes glow with loving light.

I then sigh, looking at her pensively.
"Then... well... can you imagine... how it feels... when you absolutely want to die... but you can't?"

"No. I don't know how that feels. I know it must be terrible though, so I'll help any way I can."

"When every single day in your life is a nightmare that you just can't wake up from. And living on means living in hell... and the only way one could escape that... is blocked for me, specifically."

"Well, maybe we can take the nightmare and turn it into a dream."

I tilt my face to kiss the hand I hold against my cheek.
"You are on a good way to achieve that. But even with your light saving me... the darkness remains. Even with the few days of divine bliss, the majority of my life has been a living hell."

My lips graciously receive the delicious shock of joy as Leanna's affection easily responds.

"And... while I do want to talk with you about those things... it always feels like you will never be able to understand the pain I'm in. To the point where it seems to be the only option to share my memories with you. Yet such pain is something I wouldn't even wish... no, wait, I would wish it on my worst enemies - but only them, absolutely not on you."

"Well, do you need me to understand your pain?"

"Well... potentially. It feels like, because nobody could possibly understand it, they couldn't help, either. That you couldn't help..."

"Can I not help?"
A thumb traces along my cheek, my soul lighting up at every motion.

I shiver pleasantly.
"O-oh, y-you absolutely c-can... but when I get lost in my darkness, it feels like you can't..."

She smiles my way, bright as a quasar and bending my perceptions just as much.

I sigh softly and begin to get lost in her eyes, a dreamy stare washing out the rest of the hurt from earlier.

Her presence is soft and warm, blanketing around me...

My exhaustion catches up with me, and I lean into her, closing my eyes. Despite everything that just happened, a small smile graces my lips. I sigh.
"I love you so much, Leanna..."

Leanna, who has remained standing at my side thus far, pulls up a chair so she can sit down beside me. She's so warm, and she smells like love...

I nuzzle into her.
"Mhm... maybe... just maybe... sharing a bed would be nice, after all..."

She smiles softly at me.
"Only what you're comfortable with, Xerath."

"I'm comfortable with you."
I cuddle up against her.
"And if that feels as nice as this does... then I would be very comfortable... You're so... nice and..."

A yawn escapes my lips.
"... and warm and lovely..."

She slowly caresses me, giving me the perfect environment to calm myself.

I close my eyes as I lean into her, and her slow love enables me to focus. The tears and blood I spilt during this... episode... has done some damage. I'd best repair it. And so I do. The tearstains vanish, as well as the blood on the floor and table. I repair my clothing as well as Leanna's armour, even the table and stonework, restoring everything to pristine condition.
When I open my eyes again to gaze at Leanna, they are tired, but not bloodshot any longer. They still hold sadness, but are far outshining that with love and adoration.
"I cannot even begin to thank you enough, my love. You are my goddess... and for you... for us... I think I can live."

She smiles at me.

"If my presence can make you happy... then it doesn't matter what I have done in my past."
There is a fervour in my eyes, a newfound conviction.
"No matter what sacrifices led me here... your happiness is worth it."

"..."
She blushes.

I have found a justification for my actions - her. She wants me to be by her side. And my warpath led me directly to her. Thus, the wars I fought in, the lives I took... all of it was worth it, not for me, but for her.

"Ehh, maybe that's not the best way of thinking about it?"

I blink, then tilt my head.
"Hm?"

"How about 'despite all the death I've caused, I'm still human, and I have an opportunity to do better and heal the wounds I've caused' instead? And then if you like, the opportunity is me. Please don't act like all the stuff you did is now retroactively in my name."

I shake my head.
"I am human no longer. And the wounds I've caused are too deep to heal. But... they have led me to you. I can make you happy. Thus, it is worth it."

"Alright. But I've forgiven you. I haven't said those things were good. Okay?"

I arc a brow, but nod.
"They were not good at all, but they were necessary. They led me to you. I can now make you happy."

She slowly scratches my scalp.

I lean into her touch again, closing my eyes.
"Krrrrrr..."

I slightly open my eyes to gaze at her.
"I feel so privileged to be at your side..."

She smiles again.
"You do, hmm?"

I nod weakly.
"Yes. You are a goddess, my love. My goddess. You give my life meaning."

"Well, tell me. What do you need, right now?"

"You."
I hug her a bit tighter.
"I need you."

Then I pause for a moment.
"But I suppose that isn't very helpful, huh? Hmm..."

I trail off, humming softly.
"I... I think I'm... okay... for now. I found solace in a new point of view."

Leanna seems to glow slightly in response.

I smile slightly, nodding to myself. I have made the right choice. From this point onward, I will devote everything to her. Every sacrifice I made, every choice I made, everything led me to her. And she is worth it. She wants me, so I have to be okay. I will be okay.
I glance into Leanna's eyes, conviction, resolution and pure love glinting in them.
"We stand at the brink of infinity, Leanna. And for you, I will be okay. I will make you happy. We'll be fine."

She holds me, her glorious light coiling around me as brightly as the sun.

"I love you with everything I am. The good... and the bad. And you accept it all. So maybe... I can accept it too... one day. But for now, I can accept that my past has led me to you. And because of that, I can make you happy."
I kiss her cheek.
"And your happiness is worth the pain I endured."

She smiles.
"I'll take anything if it keeps you safe... and this isn't the worst thing that could've happened."
The light squeezes me, and every inch of me lights up in response. Leanna, it seems, is unable to not melt my heart and capture my soul with everything she does.

I sigh happily, nuzzling into her.
"I suppose it isn't."

I gaze up at her with a loving expression.
"Yet you truly remind my being of the reasons I'm in love with you with every single gesture you do."

Her eyes gaze back, burning with their incredible affection, and my attention is utterly captivated. I could gaze into these eyes with all my soul for aeons and never tire, never want for more...

So all I can do is stare on with a dreamy expression, getting lost in her eyes, speaking softly.
"An eternity with you might just barely be long enough..."

Like the purest gemstones, like the greatest stars in all the cosmos...
"'What does long enough even mean when it's about people, Xerath?'"

The ethereal ripple returns to her voice... this unearthly quality that would make the most passionate foes question if they're on the right side, and for her most passionate lover... well, I need only look at myself now.

Shivers run down my spine, prickling my skin.
"Ahh... Well, it might be long enough... to get enough of those deep gems you call eyes. Or your voice, which is smoother and sweeter than honey and more melodic than an orchestra."

"'Is 'enough' truly what anyone should want? After all, 'having enough' implies that one could now leave it alone, having experienced of it all they wish to.'"
Force... the sound of her voice - her real voice, the one she normally uses is nothing but a pale imitation - doesn't just drip with everything I could ever desire, it makes reality drip with everything I could desire...

My muscles lock and I have to fight off a spasm, as my senses are overloaded by Leanna.
"Ahhh... I-I didn't... I mean... if you put it like that... I don't think I would ever get enough. Not even in eternity."

"'Then what is it you meant, Xerath? No judgement, even if you did mean that - after all, maybe one would tire of eyes in millions of years. But maybe you wouldn't.'"
The light coils tighter around me, and the sound of her voice drowns out every other sound not from her.

"I... I mean..."
My breath falls short and for a moment, I forget how words work.
"Uhm... I... I mean... that... uhm... anything below forever... would be not enough time with you... so... I wouldn't... I can't... leave you..."

Her cheeks redden at that, but that only makes her tones warmer, and strike deeper chords within me. She's not even touching me, but my senses are frying just as deeply as they were an hour ago when she... when she...

"'And so, what would that forever look like, Xerath?'"

It's as if I was just dunked in a battleship's exhaust stream, that's how hot I'm burning right now. And Leanna... isn't entirely unaware of what she's doing, even if she doesn't know her own limits. But I can't bring myself to stop her... because this is too much like what I'd ask for if she was offering everything.

I breathe out, my voice more of a groan.
"Ahh... you... me... our children... our children's children... their children... and so on..."

Then, there's a short spark of clarity in my glazed eyes.
"And... maybe... Kory..."

"'And, besides what I can already guess, is there anything specific you'd want to do in that time?'"

My thoughts are calmed, even as I am overwhelmed by her, for all my pain is silenced. Even as I can only think about one person, those thoughts are had with perfect clarity, and even that is a greater pleasure than I could imagine having without her.
So there is no hesitation.
"Everything."

My jumbled thoughts prevent me from forming an elaborate response, but the emotions I put in that one word still get across the sentiment. Or at least I hope so.

She laughs, a musical noise that would've made a Xerath that just met her consider proposing on the spot. Or at least, that's what I think would happen? Now that I consider it, I'm probably a bit biased.
Still.
It allows me to collect my thoughts, strangely enough.
"Life... has so much to offer. The simple moments we share right now. The wondrous places to explore. There is an entire galaxy to visit where I come from, a society to build, and an empire to govern. We are gods at the brink of infinity, Leanna. We can do whatever we want. We can settle down on some backwater planet and build a family in peace. Or we could move in on a city planet. We could try to find ways to even more galaxies to discover."

I look at her with an expression of utter devotion and worship, love positively burning in my eyes.
"All I know is that every moment spent with you, will be a great one. You are my goddess, and I will love you for as long as I exist."

"'Offering me the world, then? Interesting strategy, let's see if it pays off.'"
Even if Leanna had no feelings for me, she can comprehend love, and she gives me a smile so bright and beautiful that giving her the world would be worth it for that alone.

"Yes, I offer you the world. I offer you all the worlds. Nothing less would be befitting of the goddess that you are. Your wish is my desire, your word my command. I live for you, Leanna. To be with you."

"'And how do you feel about that?'"

I pause. Have I considered that before? How... do I feel about that. I am vowing utter loyalty to her. The last time I did that, I got horribly betrayed. But Leanna would never do that... would she? No, never! It is Leanna, after all. But still...
My gaze droops, doubt clouding my eyes.
"I... I'm not... I don't... I haven't really thought about it..."

"You really should."

The aether drops from her voice, disappointing me, but I recognise why. After all, when she sings so sweetly... it's impossible to doubt her for more than a moment.

But even so, it doesn't matter. Having known Leanna, having tasted the bliss she offered... even if she would betray me... I could die in peace. I have been given more affection and happiness than I ever thought possible to experience.
"I... I love you, Leanna. And more than anything, I want to stand at your side. I want to be your god, as you are my goddess. I want you to be mine, as I am yours. At your side, I am happy."

She pats my head, pulling me into her chest.
"That's sweet, but it sounds like you're avoiding the issue. Are you sure you want something like that?"

"I want to be your husband, yes. That I am absolutely sure of."

"Not quite what I meant. Are you sure you want to make yourself vulnerable in that way?"

"I... I'll be okay if it's you. To be honest, I am a bit uncomfortable. The thought of the possibility of you betraying me is still there, lurking around... but even if you were to betray me... the happiness and bliss you've already given me would enable me to rest in peace."

She blinks.
"That... wouldn't sour it?"

"It would. Of course it would. But I don't think that my mind would be able to withstand that blow, anyway, so I'm not sure it matters. My life is yours. You keep me alive, you make me want to live. So... if you, my goddess, my love, were to decree it has to end... I would accept that."

She looks at me sadly.
"Oh, Xerath..."

She cups my cheeks, and light flows through them again.
"I'm not going to kill you if I can help it."

I lean into her touch, tilting my head to kiss her fingers.
"I know. You said you like to have me around, and I can feel the sincerity of your being. It is why I love you as much as I do. But the thing about fears is that they're not always completely rational."

She slowly rubs my cheeks and under my chin, the friction absolutely perfect. Every cell catches against hers, desperate to extend its contact.

"Krrrrrr..."
I chitter in her grasp.
Every touch sends fire swirling into the depths of my mind. The world feels like a dream, not in the least because of how exhausted I feel.
Exhausted?
No, that's not right... moreso drained.
But drained of what?
I think back, to an hour or so ago, when I had collapsed against a wall and was receiving the most mind-blowing kiss I had ever had...
I was just as fried now, after Leanna had spoken to me with her true voice, and felt even emptier... but it was a glorious emptiness... oh no. Again? I glance down.
Yeah. Again. Kriff.
Heat rushes to my cheeks. Though wasn't I hot before? Oh no... A sound of embarrassment escapes my lips.
"Nngh..."

Reassessing my memories, it wasn't so much a discreet event or set of events so much as a long, continuous reaction to her absolutely overwhelming me.
But still...
"Why are you so absolutely perfect..."

"What is it, Xerath?"

"...You... it happened again..."
I look away, embarrassed.

She blinks.
"Huh? Ohhhhhh..."

She scotches away slightly.
"...sorry."

Feeling as weakened as I do, I end up being dragged along, with how I hold onto her.
"I just... noticed it now... I feel... drained. You are... so much... that you overwhelm me entirely."

I send a surge of power to clean the mess... again.

She is clearly flustered as well, but moreso concerned.
"So... are you okay...? I didn't mean to..."

"Well... as I said, it is an expression of my unending love for you. So, I'm embarrassed... very much so... but I don't think it's a bad thing... not really."

"...okay."
She takes a breath, trying to change the topic, it seems.
"So... are you alright? You'll be able to survive without me? I'm sorry, I still want to visit my friend today..."

My face falls.
"I just told you that I... well... you know... from the way you talked to me... and you want to leave? I see..."

"Hey."
She pulls me back into a hug.
"I'm just on a time limit if I want to get to it today..."

I hold onto her.
"I know... I'm sorry..."

"Shh."
A kiss is planted atop my hair, sending shivers down my spine.

I sigh as I nestle into her.
"Mhh..."

I glance up at her shyly, still flushed from the earlier event.
"I understand you want to meet her... and that you want to meet her alone... but still..."

I nuzzle her cheek with my own.
"I'd love to meet your friend as well... and I'd love to spend more time with you..."

Then I look down.
"But I also know I shouldn't cling to you that much, either. I'd like to get closer to the others as well..."

She taps my chest.
"Don't worry. I'll try to be in here, even if I'm not out there."

I blink in confusion.
"What?"

I then blink again, this time in realisation.
"Oh. Well... Rest assured, you will always be in here."
I clasp her hand over my chest. Her hand is soft, and it feels dexterous. Like just by existing, it wraps my heart around its little finger.

She smiles at the gesture.

I smile at her dreamily.
"You have me completely wrapped around your little finger. I love you, Leanna."

She laughs lightly, tapping on my chest again.
"Does that make you happy?"

"I think so. You certainly make me happier than I ever thought I could be."

She puts a delectable finger to her delicate chin.
"Well... we've maybe skipped a bunch of steps to this dance, perhaps sometime you'd like to retrace a few?"

I blink once more.
"Huh? Like which?"

"I think I'd like to try a proper date. We've done a lot of cuddling... and a few other things... but we might've missed out on a few others, you know?"
She grows more uncertain the more she speaks.
"If we get the chance, maybe that could be interesting?"

I shrug.
"Well, I don't really know what you do on a date. But if it involves spending time with you, of course I'm interested."

"We'll have to figure something out."
Her smile seems a bit strained.
"It'll be fun, I hope."

I kiss the hand I still hold on to.
"With you, everything is fun, my love."

...Force, why does her hand feel so good to kiss... If kissing her hand was the only job I had, my only purpose, I might just be happy with that...
Oh well, then I'll do it again.
Her hand is just so absolutely lovely. As lovely as the rest of her. How can such a perfect being even exist? I truly am blessed.

Soon enough, she begins scratching my head, more of her strong but delicate fingers combing over my every weak spot.

I melt into her embrace.
"Krrrrr..."
I stare up at her with a dreamy expression. I truly love her more than anything.

She gazes back down with a warm and radiant expression, seeming for all the world like a goddess that has looked into my soul and found me worthwhile.

At that, I slowly reach up, wrapping an arm around her neck, closing the distance between us. This goddess has not only very lovely hands, but also very delectable lips.
As our lips meet and my eyes close, I drink of her. Deep, desperate draughts like a man who has plunged his face into the oasis that has sprung from the desert sands. The elements of her taste, mere traces to a normal human, explode across my mouth and my heart like solar flares. Every little motion, every tiny noise, every stroke of her hands and twist of her body, all of it can only accomplish one goal for me. Some might call it logistically impossible, but this kiss is as far removed from the feeling of our first kiss as that was from the loneliness I felt before I met her.
I truly experience the true love's kiss to end all kisses. I sigh happily into our kiss, folding into her arms.

Every motion seems to trigger a thousand responses, tugging at every part of me and slowly tethering the disparate fragments of my spirit together. The tap of her finger there, the firm pressure of her lips here. I feel like I'm dissolving into a puddle of goo for her, all of my senses ablaze with the rapture of a blooming goddess.
My powers roar as my spirit sings for her. Energy wraps around Leanna like a blanket, holding her ever closer towards me. A thousand gentle touches run over her as I want to make her feel as good as she makes me feel.

I feel the motion of approval from the light as it tugs at me playfully, urging me onward. Every surface of me glows white hot with a million tiny patterns of love and pleasure, all carved by constant, loving contact with Leanna, each one a perfect mark of belonging to a perfect person.
In the face of such overwhelming comfort and pleasure, I can only whimper softly against her mouth.
Such a perfect person gives me and my body a perfect response, and I give her all the love I can muster.
Slowly, carefully, her light curls into me, flowing across those patterns. She keeps time with my breaths, my heartbeat, every tiny rhythm of my body, and at every moment when I desire it most the light strikes, coiling closer and tighter around me as all thoughts of doing anything except simply enjoying fade away.
There is only Leanna. Just Leanna.
And enjoying her I do. There is nothing else but Leanna filling my mind.

Until... at one point... I notice. And when I do, I gasp, pushing her away with a horrified expression.

She blinks.
"What is it, Xerath? Did I... do something wrong?"
She immediately gives me space. The worry in her voice cuts right through any of its mesmerizing qualities.

I feel mortified, tears welling in my eyes.
"I... I... I forgot, Leanna... For a moment, I..."

My voice is shaky and my body trembles. From the pleasure I just released, or from this, I cannot tell.
"I-I forgot her, Leanna... I... how... how could I...?"

It takes her a moment. Then, she realizes.
"You forgot her?"
She moves carefully, to hug me again.

I nod shakily, reaching for her to hold my trembling body still.
"Y-yes... there was... only Leanna... n-nothing else..."

I swallow a lump in my throat.
"For a moment... there was not even the afterthought of h-her... nothing. J-just L-Leanna..."

She holds me, light dimming to a comforting glow.
"I'm sorry."

I clench her tightly.
"H-how could I forget her? She... she was everything to me... and I forgot her..."

Tears trickle down my cheeks.
"I'm awful..."

The sound of metal squealing makes me aware that I haven't regulated my strength in the last squeeze, as her armour is beginning to dent. Leanna doesn't seem to care, however, her concern is elsewhere.
"Xerath, what caused you to do that?"

Still, now that I'm aware of it, I dial down my hold on her a bit.
"There was... just so much of you... So much radiance... so much perfection, love and joy..."

Her voice suddenly grows small.
"...I knew it..."

I glance up at her through blurry eyes.
"...knew... what?"

"I'm... starting to get a feeling for the amount of energy I'm putting out. Ever since then, I've... tried to hover around reasonably feel-good vibes. But your reactions..."
She looks down.
"...it's clear that this is too much for you. At least in one sense..."

"I... I'm sorry... I'm awful..."
I bury my face in her shoulder once again.

"No Xerath!"
She cups my cheek.
"You're sensitive... really sensitive... to something I'm not used to controlling. I thought I was just doing enough for a friend to be extra comfortable for you... but that's not what you were feeling, was it?"

I slowly shake my head.
"N-no... you were... so perfect... Every trace of your touch, the sensation of your light... all those little details a normal human would never be able to pick up on... There was only Leanna."

"I just... I feel like I need to back off on that... okay? It's... hard to think about whether you want something like that when you're feeling it. A little bit ago you worried that you weren't ready to feel too much, so... I think I need to hear you, later today, once this has worn off, tell me that you're okay. Is that okay?"

"I..."
I wipe at my tears.
"I think so..."

"I just..."
She hugs me closely.
"I just want you to be okay... And if I can make you forget about Kory... maybe that's not the best thing."

"M-maybe not..."

She holds me, and her light feels much more restrained now. It touches me, but delicately, sparingly.

I sniffle as I relax in her embrace.
"I'm sorry..."

"You have no need to be. I promise."

"Still... we had such an incredible moment... you fulfilled your promise... and then I... I'm sorry..."

She blinks.
"My... promise?"

I nod.
"You promised me the true love's kiss to end all kisses. That I'd be blown off my feet. And, well... I'd say you certainly delivered on that."
I glance at her shyly, flushed. And as I say that, I remember that I have to clean my trousers once again and send a surge of power there.

She smiles slightly.
"I... suppose I did."

"You are absolutely amazing, Leanna. A bit too much so for me, perhaps... but you are perfect regardless."
I smile up at her, shakily.
"I just... I don't want to forget."

"I know. I don't either. You shouldn't be forced to forget someone like that."

I shake my head softly.
"Not only her. I don't want to forget anything. But of course, her in particular."

She nods silently, holding me comfortably as we sit together. Every now and then, I sniffle again, wiping at my eyes.

Eventually, I speak up again, my presence calmed but still saddened.
"I'm sorry..."

"For what?"

"You want to meet your important friend you haven't seen in years, but now you have to stick with me to make sure I'm okay..."
I look down.
"I'm sorry I'm so unstable..."

"Hey."

I glance up at her again, keeping my face still lowered. At least initially.

Using a single finger, she lifts my chin up.
"It's alright. This is something you need."

"Still... I don't want to tie you down more than I already do. This is something important. I don't want to keep you away from it... well, not fully..."
I sigh as I begin to stumble over my words and thoughts.
"I just... I just want you to be happy, dearest."

She smiles warmly.
"Ask and receive, Xerath. This is something you need."

"Then... Alright."
I nuzzle into her.
"Thank you, Leanna. I love you."

She pats my head in response, her smile bright once more.

I take a deep breath and smile up at her.
"I... think I'm okay now."

The rest of the world may be cold, but there is a warmth burning within me. It builds when she is there, and holds while she is gone.

My resolve is still a bit shaky, but I push through.
"You... can go visit your friend now, if you want to. I'll be okay."

She gives me one last squeeze.
"Try to hold off, but if you need me, I'll be there. Okay?"

I nod.
"Of course. I always know where you are, and how to contact you, after all. But really, I'll be fine. I think... I'll need a moment for myself, anyway. I... want to revisit my memories with Kory..."

She stands up, hands trailing over me.
"Have fun."

I smile at her, giving her a kiss on the hand as she parts.
"Thanks, you too. And, if you want to, greet her for me. I meant what I said earlier, I'd love to meet her as well at some point."

I smile lovingly.
"After all, someone who has earned your friendship must be a great person."

She returns a smile of her own.
"I will. And thank you."

She turns around and leaves, and I can't help but watch her go. Like everything about her, the way she walks has this quality to it that burns into my mind.

I stare after her dreamily, until she leaves the room. Wait, room? I take a look around, and sure enough, we are in a room. It seems that Leanna has brought me to the tavern. Then, I remember that I wanted to think about someone else entirely. I feel a pang of guilt at that, but shake my head.

Now that I am alone with my thoughts, a familiar voice catches my attention.
"Well, well. That was quite something, wasn't it?"

I flush, knowing what Nox is getting at.
"It certainly was..."

The dark voice sounds... relieved.
"I'm just... glad you're okay. That was very dangerous. Such an extreme up-and-down... I'm not sure how many of those you can endure."

I bite my lip.
"Yeah... me neither..."

Nox sighs.
"Just... be careful, okay?"

I can only shrug helplessly at that.
"Well, I'll try my best."

"That's as much as I can ask for, I guess. Anyway, I can drop the illusion now, can't I?"

I blink.
"Oh, you kept an illusion up?"

His answer is a mental blank stare.

"Of course you did. Thank you for that."

"No problem. Now, I'll leave you to your thoughts."

"...Thank you, Nox."

"..."
The Dark Lord doesn't reply, but his flustered feelings echo through our shared mindspace.

As the illusion fades away, I lean back, thinking back and shifting through my memories about one very important girl. I must never forget her again.
I smile as I think back about all our little pranks when we were younger. We'd make some of the Pykes trip and fall into the sand, or make it look like there was a womp rat and confuse them, or other harmless things. I lean onto the table, propping up an elbow and holding up my head with a hand, smiling happily as I think back to her happy smile. Despite our situation, we really did have fun there.
I remember how we ate together with the other slaves, and how we sat together with Grangran, who told us stories from all over the galaxy. Stories about mighty heroes wielding mystical powers and swords of light. Or the story about the Seraph of the End, this mythical being that is supposed to break the cycle of violence.
I remember how we tinkered with the machinery together. I always had a natural knack for understanding things, but Kory was also highly curious, and I enjoyed sharing my findings with her.
I remember how we huddled together when we got our hands on an old picture book. We couldn't read back then, but looking at the pictures was enough for us to understand the story.
I remember how we were brought along to the market every now and then, whenever they needed new spare parts. They allowed us to buy some candy for our work.
I remember how her face lit up whenever she ate something sweet.
I remember how we found our new powers, and how we trained in secret.
I remember how we got found out anyway, how we got shipped off to Korriban.
I remember how she tried to hide her fear and appear to be strong when we were assigned our first tasks.
I remember how she screamed in agony when Harkun's lightning hit her. My vision blurs once again.
I remember how I told her that I love her, and how she made me promise to live on for the both of us.
Now I have to sling an arm over my eyes, as tears fall anew. I silently sob into the fabric of my sleeve.
The tears interrupt my thoughts, and I am made painfully aware of her absence. Her death has left a hole within me, and even Leanna can't fill it. She can cover it, apparently, but even she can't fill it. Of course, I don't want her to, either. It's just... everything is so much right now. How can I even begin to sort this out? And then I was told that Kory will return soon. How would we even work that out, then? I have Leanna now, but I obviously still love Kory.
As my tears dry up, I run a hand through my hair and sigh deeply.
My thoughts circle around this conundrum for a while, and the only solution I can come to is Leanna's words.

Eventually, however, I notice some people I know entering the inn. Being thankful for the distraction, I glance up at them.
Zack and Amelia walk through the door, both of them still dripping from a recent weather event. Amelia is impassive, but Zack apparently does not appreciate being rained on - as indicated by his expression being ever so slightly more stormy than usual. Though this disparity of reaction may be a result of Amelia having a hood.
I wince. That's my fault, isn't it? I wonder if they'd appreciate being dried by me? I sit back upright and raise a hand to signal them over.

They notice me and sit down at the table.
"Greetings."
"Hey."

I look between them, feeling a bit uneasy and guilty.
"Hey, you two. How... uhm... how have you been?"

I then sigh, already feeling stupid for asking that.
"I'm sorry. Would you like me to dry you?"

"It was wet for about two minutes. Not the worst thing in the world."
Zack shrugs.
"Wouldn't go amiss, though."

"We have been alright, Xerath, although it could be better. Our searching of this town has not uncovered a location which I might peruse."

I nod and snap, sending a surge of energy over the two of them that turns the surface water into air.
Then I focus on Amelia.
"What have you looked for? Libraries and museums?"

I then scratch my cheek, glancing away guiltily.
"Also, I'm sorry for the sudden storm."

She tilts her head curiously.
"Your apology is accepted, though your holding yourself responsible is strange. And yes, would you suggest another form of leisure then?"

"Well, I am responsible for it. I... My control over my powers slipped for a bit. And I would, yes. While I can see why those two targets are your primary source of entertainment, there are lots of other things one can do for fun."

She regards me with her cool, curious amethyst eyes.
"And your suggestion for a properly mentally stimulating task would be?"

I shrug.
"I don't know. Up until recently, fun was not something I really considered. But here... I don't know. Taking a walk around town, enjoying each other's company, seeing if they have any local specialities or something?"

I draw a hand to my chin.
"Walking around the market of Bazada with Leanna was fun, even if somewhat exhausting. Maybe they have something similar here?"

She cocks her head.
"You find spending time with her exhausting? Strange, you do not indicate as such."

I shake my head.
"No, that was specific to the market. Crowds tire me."

"I see. They do for me somewhat as well."

I then draw my hand up again.
"Although I suppose the emotional roller coaster around her is also exhausting in its own right."

As I register her statement, I blink and look at Amelia again.
"Really? What gives?"

"I do not appreciate an environment which is overloaded with too many sounds. Focus is preferable."

I nod.
"Yeah, it's something along those lines for me as well. But it can be enjoyable once in a while, I found. So, you don't happen to have found a market or something? I'd assume that given the state of a whole district of this town, they're not necessarily in a very festive mood..."

"I am told that apparently, some are trying. There is a fairground set up outside the city. Hardly something I would consider visiting, but perhaps effort can be appreciated."

I arc a brow.
"Oh? Well, that certainly is surprising. Would you two perhaps like to explore that with me? I've never really been to a fairground or something, so I'm rather curious."

"Sure."
Zack doesn't seem to mind.

Amelia, however, is more hesitant.
"Would that truly be an effective use of our time here?"

I tilt my head.
"Do you have another idea? I'm open to suggestions."

"I still have much work to do upon the notes I've compiled from Elder Issim. A few hours spent there would not go amiss."

"Certainly. But between all the work, you also need to give yourself a bit of time to relax."
I chuckle a bit.
"I know that's rich coming from me, but I have found it quite enjoyable to take some time off and just do something not for the sake of progress."

I then look curiously at her.
"Also, have you been to such a fairground before?"

She softly shakes her head.
"I have not found purpose to."

I nod.
"Then this would be a new experience for you as well, wouldn't it?"

She cocks her head again.
"You mean to say that this experience will be valuable in that it is new, then?"

I nod.
"Among other things, yes. If you want to see it from a perspective of value, it could serve as a team bonding exercise to spend time together like that, and it would serve as something new and unusual for you and me both."

I smile at her.
"You know, knowledge is not only found in books and artefacts. It can also be found in the very world around us. How other people live their lives, how they spend their free time, how people working in the entertainment industry make a living, and what sort of things there are. I found it imperative to not only focus on the written texts, but also the ever-evolving world."

"I am aware. I do not think that the application of sociological research is terribly related to my theoretical studies on the nature of magic, but perhaps I could glean some insights."

"Perhaps not. But at the very least, I would be quite happy to spend some more time with you to get to know you better. And for me, that is reason enough."
I smile softly.

She nods.
"Alright. Then we shall do this. I will guide us to the reported location of this carnival."

I look softly, but imploringly at her.
"Very well. But is it truly something you would like to do as well?"

"Not within the bounds which you have decided are important."

I tilt my head.
"Which are?"

"That it must be a traditionally fun and social activity."

"I see."
My head droops a bit.
"I don't think it's important to be traditionally fun and social. I'd just... I'd like to experience this for myself. And since I see so much of myself in you, I thought you might, too. But I do not want to pressure you into something you have no interest in. So, if you do not want to, please tell me clearly."

She shakes her head.
"I will accept this pastime. I am simply not enthused by anything which this town currently offers, and therefore have nothing which I would do instead of study under normal conditions."

I breathe out and nod.
"Alright... good. That's acceptable. I still hope you'll have fun with us."

I rise to a stand, smiling at her.
"Because I have found, that in the right company, just about everything can be fun."

"I see you've learned something of your own, then."

I nod.
"I have. And I sincerely hope this will hold true for you as well."

I then look between Amelia and Zack.
"On that note, shall we go?"

"We shall."
Amelia stands from the table.
"I will lead, if no one else desires the role of navigation."

I smile at her.
"I will follow your lead. You said you already know the location, after all."

"Well then."
She moves towards the door, and we make our way through the town. Amelia fumbles with her waterskin a bit, and I notice that she has two containers that hold water.

I peek curiously at her.
"Say, Amelia, what reason is there that you have two waterskins? Is one for your magic?"

She blinks.
"Of course not, you can acquire enough water from the environment for most applications. The other is for emergencies."

"I see. Is now one such emergency, or are you just thirsty?"
I slightly tilt my head curiously.

"Ah, the implication is not familiar to you. Your culture does not have access to a source of water like this then?"

"Like what?"
I blink, confused.

"The other skin contains water from one of the Dynamo streams. The water is magic."

I blink once again, dumbfounded.
"Come again?"

I take a deeper glance at the water she refers to. The structure of the water is essentially the same as normal water, but… yes, there are dormant elemental properties to the stuff. The main issue is that it's barely doing anything - it seems lighter than it should be, but without an example of how it works it would be hard to understand it without probing deeper.
Fascinating. It's so faint that my passive senses don't even pick it up. It seems to get overshadowed by Amelia's own presence. But the question remains, what is she talking about? Have I missed something important in my previous scanning of the planet?
"I can detect only faint traces of elemental properties to the water. What does it do, and where is it from?"

She does not miss the opportunity to impart knowledge.
"It does many things. Water holds its energy better, which means it's harder to access but also that it doesn't bleed as much. Numerous crafts benefit from access to water from the Dyne, but as for why I specifically would want it… I took the warning that this journey would be treacherous seriously. It is known to increase a mage's ability to channel magic when drank."

"I see..."
I frown slightly.
"You did not know about my powers when preparing for our journey, after all. Makes sense that you brought something along to buff your abilities."

Her intelligent and curious pink eyes train on me.
"You are disturbed. Why is this?"

"Don't mind me. I just questioned if you do not trust in our capabilities to keep you safe. But as I said, you likely did not know just how capable I am when you prepared this."
I glance away.
"You don't think you would need that to enhance your capabilities at this point... right?"

She shakes her head.
"Protection is not the only reason I might want to have this available."

I tilt my head.
"It is not?"

"I am not limited to having combat as the only reason for increased elemental capabilities. As would, I think, you. Surely warfare is not all you can do?"

"Of course not. My abilities can be applied near endlessly. However, most of what I have been taught is directly geared for warfare."

My eyes glaze over for a moment as I stare into the distance.
"I had many lessons... and even more opportunities to apply the learned."

"I see. But even so, having it around is worthwhile. I do not wish to rely entirely upon another for protection."

I blink, focusing back on her.
"Ah, yes. That is commendable, but I'd still like to encourage you to rely on me for protection."

I avert my gaze again, glancing down.
"Hurting others... spilling blood... that is a heavy burden. One I would like to keep away from you."

"You speak as though the morality of murder changes somehow when someone else is doing it. Or that you inflicting all possible moral pain upon yourself is some sort of virtue. At what cost, Xerath? You intend to engage in this self-harm, and for what? What makes you think that killing for us will make you better?"

I flinch at her words.
"I... it won't make me better. But it won't make you worse. I am used to this weight that I carry, you are not. And as a matter of fact, the weight of murder changes very much depending on whether you did the deed or someone else did it."

"And why should I permit you to go through with such a plan?"

"Because I very much doubt you seek out blood to be shed. And besides, however many enemies we might come across on our journey... they won't tip the balance of my conscience anymore, anyway. But for you... it could have permanent, catastrophic consequences."
I gaze at her with worry and warm kindness.

She regards me with her neutral face, but her eyes shine with... something. Sympathy and concern, I'd say.
"Will they not? Will they not still hurt you? The man so wracked by guilt that he has killed will not mind that he kills again?"

My face falls, but I shrug.
"I am used to the pain. I can endure it. And after the many deaths I caused, a few dozen more won't really change anything."

"As if the human mind thinks so quantitatively."

I mumble to myself.
"Human mind... right..."

Then I glance away.
"Regardless. I have carved my path through multiple wars, over the course of over a decade. My hands are soaked in blood, while yours are clean. No matter what I'll do, my hands will never become clean again, but yours... yours I can keep clean."

I look back at her with a kind and warm determination.
"Yours I will keep clean."

"Such a cost you shall incur to do this. Being used to pain is no reason to submit yourself to more."

"It will hurt me less than it would hurt you. I can take it, and you are worth it."

She shakes her head.
"I will not be protected or coddled at the cost of your state. If anything, you should remain in the back and let us handle it."

That brings a rise out of me. My brows furrow and my eyes narrow.
"Absolutely not! I once watched someone close to me die, I will not stand by idly while those close to me fight for their lives!"

"And neither will I!"
She bites back.
"I am not some child to be protected, Xerath, and neither are the others, and I shall not let myself rest easily in the knowledge that I specifically did not cast the spell. If I must convince you this way, then know that I won't let my mind take the natural course of shifting blame."

I blink, stunned by her outburst. Countless emotions flash over through me, mirrored on my face. Astonishment, pride, wonder, care, disbelief, regret, and many others.
It takes me a moment to organize my thoughts.
"Are... are we... close to you? Am... am I?"

My voice is small, barely above a whisper reaching her ears.

She nods, voice back to normal.
"Not as much as some, but you are a companion. And I refuse to let you go through the act of violence alone. Do you think my conscience would be clean watching you self-flagellate like that?"

I sigh deeply.
"...I had hoped so. I... you don't know the burden the taking of a life has on a mind. It is unbelievably heavy. But at a certain point, when enough bodies have been accumulated... the weight becomes easy. Way too easy. I have reached that point a long time ago."

I glance down.
"...Or so I thought, at least. I..."

I ring for words.
"I just want to protect you, Amelia. You are not a child, but you are still young. And you are important to me..."

"Protection is not something I desire. I would rather have a peer than a guard."

"I am a god, Amelia. Immense powers are at my beck and call. And I'd rather use these powers to protect those I care about than for anything else. I won't be your guard, but I will keep you safe. You won't be hurt if I have a say in the matter. As for a peer, well, in terms of power, you will likely never be my peer. But on the intellectual level, the protector and the peer are not mutually exclusive."

"And is protecting me from harm the same as me sitting in the back doing nothing?"

I glance around, not quite able to look at her.
"Most likely. I tend to resolve matters rather quickly."

"And how would that make you feel?"

I ponder her question for a moment, giving it the thought it deserves.
"Hmm... hard to tell. I guess it would depend on my general mood in the situation. Relieved, proud, guilty... those three seem to be the most likely emotional responses from me."

Her amethyst eyes are trained on me, belying the sympathy and care that is not shown in her neutral expression.
"So, I tell you: this is not a gift you try to give Xerath. I urge you not to shoulder this alone. You do not need to."

I shake my head.
"I know. And I am not alone anymore. I have Leanna at my side. She too knows the burden of blood. But you do not. And I'd prefer to keep it that way."

"You will do as you must."
She continues to walk.

I do too, feeling rather rattled by the conversation. Have we reached a consensus? Is Amelia unhappy with me? I am confused.
Amelia seems stiff, as always.
I sigh wearily. Was this a bad idea? I wish Leanna were here... I miss her. Another sigh escapes my lips. But Leanna wants to visit her old friend, and I did want to spend more time with these two. Speaking of two, one of them has been rather silent in the last conversation. I glance over to Zack.

Zack doesn't seem at ease.

"Do you... Would you like to add something?"

He shakes his head.
"Just that in my experience, displays of magic that the enemy has no chance of surviving tend to be painful."

I look down at my hands, letting some sparks snake between my fingers.
"...Yeah... same..."

Then I clench my fist, letting the electricity subside. I look back to Zack.
"But I've since grown past that. My mastery over the Force allows me to deal death instantly and painlessly."

He arcs a brow.
"Are you sure? I mean, have you asked them whether it's painless?"

"I haven't used this specific technique myself, yet, but it is instant. The body has no time to experience pain."
I stare off into the distance, my eyes glazing over. My memories bring me back to a space station, orbiting a certain Imperial world.
"I... have not asked victims of disintegration, but I felt their last moments... as an entire planet... died..."

I pause for a moment, reliving the moment.
"There was... fear. So, so much fear... but no pain."
I trail off, staring ahead as I walk mechanically and stoically.

"Is fear a good thing, then?"

I snap out of it, looking back to Zack.
"No. But the fear was the result of the way this power was applied on such a wide scale."

"I see. So the way you use your powers is like how some people use hand cannons on people… makes some sense."

I blink.
"In what way do you mean?"

"When you hit someone in the head their brain explodes. No thoughts happening after that."

"Ah, yes. Similarly. Just that with this power, a body simply ceases to exist. Both brain and the nervous system are simply gone. Without pain."

"In theory, hopefully."

I shake my head.
"Not in theory. In practice. I have not used this power on people myself, yet, but I have seen it applied first-hand. I know it invokes no pain. Does that... put you more at ease?"

"Somewhat."
He shrugs.

I sigh in relief.
"Okay, good. I just noticed that you were... tenser than usual. If something bothers you, you can speak up about it, okay?"

"Of course."

I smile slightly.
"Good."

And with that, I go back to observing my surroundings, especially my two companions. The mood doesn't seem very joyous, does it? Even though we went out to have fun... And this isn't fun, is it? It seems here… that my insecurity around Amelia was the culprit. The conversation would've gone very differently if I hadn't steered the topic of magical water into territory where its existence was an attack on my person.
I knew it. I am bad company. There's a reason I never really got close to many people, after all...

Suddenly, I hear a mental cough.
'Xerath you are dumb.'

Distant, Leanna's words echo in my mind.
'Oh, something is wrong. It can't be fixed because if I did it it's inextricably linked to who I am and I am bad and will always be bad.'

Wait…

A head dips down from above, as if coming down from a sit-up, and red eyes stare at me.
'Bullshit. Doing the wrong thing isn't a personality trait.'
Thymia stares at me, seemingly annoyed.

I blink, wince, but also smile. Yet that smile falters and eventually fades when I realise that it is in fact not Leanna, but Thymia.
'Oh. It's you. I would like to mention that, as a matter of fact, I am highly intelligent, thank you very much.'

'That doesn't mean you can't be an idiot. Which you have been, repeatedly, many times since I met you.'

My eyes narrow.
'I'd be careful with who you insult.'

She waves at me.
'Hi by the way. Leanna's a bit busy so I headed off your stewing. And I am very careful who I insult.'

She makes a motion like she's checking the back of her hand, probably for a manipulator reading.
'Yeah, anyone powerful. They're the ones that need it. Gods need humility more than the rest of us, after all.'

My eyes narrow further, and my powers surge along my emotions.
'Humility has been bled out of me in a life of violence. What is left is a soreness that reacts very tenderly to insults. So consider this your first and only warning. Do not insult me. I do not take kindly to that.',

'But it's also not an insult. How else could you become convinced my other half didn't really care about you again and again?'

'Experience.'
I say nothing more. My rising rage ebbs again, but I'm not terribly keen on conversing with her and her rudeness.

'Okay, listen Xerath. You make mistakes, yes? These mistakes, they have consequences. These consequences make themselves known.'

I scoff.
'Obviously. Every action has consequences.'

'And you see 'oh, I've made a mistake. Well, guess I'll just chalk it up to me being human trash.' And then you won't actually do anything about the problem. And because you hold yourself to this standard of perfection you sweep it under the rug and hope it doesn't happen again. Now that's either dumb or it's a mental health issue.'

I laugh darkly, mirthlessly.
'My mind is on the verge of collapse. Not much health left there, I'd say. The fact I even function on the level I do is a miracle.'

'Because obviously no one can be allowed to know you feel you screwed up - the consequences of that would be too dreadful to contemplate.'
She looks concerned.
'I might be mocking it, but that's because it's really not good. So, if you're here, we have one miracle then don't we? If we've got one, can't we try for another?'

'There already is one. Maybe even two. And I really do not want to push my luck.'

'And… what's our alternative?'

I shrug helplessly.
'I'm supposed to have all the answers, but unfortunately, I do not.'

'Is not pushing our luck somehow… better? Than this?'
She shakes her head.
'Xerath, you are in pain every second that pain isn't being numbed by one of only a few things. That doesn't strike me as a good deal.'

I avert my eyes.
'Yes... I am in pain. I don't think denying that would even work at this point. But I have no idea what can even be done about that. I mean, Nox showed you the state of my mental framework. It's shattered, and close to complete collapse. That is not a pleasant feeling, let me tell you that.'

I pointedly glance back at her.
'And unless you know of a way to repair this delicate patch job, disturbing my mind further with these emotional sine curves... is not good.'

'And that is, in itself, an example of that mindset in action.'
She shakes her head.
'You can't do this alone.'

A simple statement of fact.
I can only nod in agreement.
'Correct. I cannot. Neither mine nor Nox's powers are capable of healing that damage.'

I look at her with a softer expression.
'That is why I have placed my faith in Leanna. Though I really hope this burden is not too much for her...'

'My guess would be that the simplest method might be doing what you're both afraid of. But in the long run, rushing into something like that might not be the best for either of you.'
She smirks.
'Though I'm sure I could convince Leanna to break you if you thought it was in your own best interest.'

I regard her with a flat look.
'If I am broken, I will be gone. I hope you realise that.'

'First up, not in the way you're thinking, and second yes that's the idea. But it wasn't a serious suggestion anyway. Easy to achieve? Yes. But while rebuilding you from that point might be easier than it is from this one, I question how she would feel with that type of responsibility.'

'Well, I actually do know what you refer to. However, as I said before, large blows to my psyche will cause it to crumble. Hence the breaking you refer to would also lead to my undoing. And Leanna is rather keen on avoiding that, it seems.'

'Okay, it still feels like you aren't getting it. What do you think I'm talking about?'

I suppress the urge to roll my eyes.
'The way of breaking me with love, like the kind of vision Leanna once showed me. Where I would be an obedient, lovely doll, effectively.'

'Okay cool. You do get it. And you also get why we're really keen on avoiding it don't you? Because honestly, I think it would work, at least in that your fragmented mind would cease to be an issue.'

I shake my head.
'I severely doubt I could reach that state without falling.'

I then stroke my chin.
'But if I could, then yes, I assume my fragmented mind would cease to be an issue.'

'The problem is that then you've given Leanna the keys to someone's soul and told her to build them a new personality. It would paralyze her. As it should: no one should have that kind of power.'

I nod.
'Absolutely. My personality would boil down to 'I love Leanna'. And while that already is a large part of it now, there's still more to me.'

Then I blink.
'At least I hope so.'

'And well… we almost can't use how you were as a guidebook, since according to you how you were is what's killing you.'

I chuckle mirthlessly.
'Heh, well, yeah, pretty much.'

'So fundamentally, that puts all thoughts of levelling you to ground zero and starting over out. That's the best and most effective way to do such a thing we can think of, but the very concept is flawed. So what do we have left? We don't want to lose you, we need to fix you so you no longer have to fear yourself, but we can't just turn you off and on again.'

'Well, the only way I can think of, is to heal my mind's framework first, and then my psyche. The problem is that this step is all but impossible. Leanna's awakened powers might be possible to achieve that, but who knows when and if she will reach her full potential.'

'And even that would require you to effectively just shut down.'

I tilt my head.
'How so?'

'If we're going to fix your framework, we'll probably not want you using it.'

I shrug.
'Eh, I have experience in effectively shutting down by now. That wouldn't be much of a problem, I think.'

'There is a cleaner option for now if you're willing to not go outside for a long time though.'

I tilt my head again.
'Spending lots of time with Leanna?'

'One idea she floated to me was that since you're kind of on an up and down and up and down path, it may be possible to simply not allow the downs to occur. Today is an experiment to see how bad it gets when you're without her, and if it's not good… she's willing to cancel a lot of independent exploration to submerge you in a happy environment.'

'Yes, that would be nice. However, I believe it was already proven that some of those downs happen automatically - even in the presence of Leanna.'

'But they can be lessened, and mitigated.'

I wince.
'For you to come out like this, I've already failed the experiment, haven't I?'

'Not yet. But it's clear that you aren't exactly having fun or doing well. She's feeling your distress, as am I.'

I wince again.
'I'm sorry... all of this is my fault...'

She frowns deeply at me.
'It's like you're trying to spite me. I just told you about how annoying it is that you blame yourself for every little thing that goes wrong.'

'I'm sorry, but it's not my fault I'm such a bad person. I mean, it is, but... Ahem. Leanna is distressed because of me. I'm distressed because I ruined the mood with Amelia and Zack. Hence, all of it is my fault.'

'Why is it always you? Why is everything wrong with you your fault, as if everything that happened to you did so because you chose it and then you chose exactly how to respond to it and what lessons to learn?'

'I am responsible for my actions. And my actions hurt those around me. Hence it is my fault.'

'And you were always entirely rational in those actions were you?'

'Rational in the sense of logical. My actions make sense... from my point of view. Most of the time.'

She sighs deeply.
'…I can't do this. I don't have the patience or skill - and don't you kriffing dare blame this on yourself!'

She sits up out of my view.
'I'm getting help.'

Her presence vanishes from my mind for a second.

I blink.
'No, wait! Please don't disturb Leanna...'

A face leans back down, eyes meeting with mine. Sparkling, kind, enrapturing blue eyes.
'Are you alright, Xerath?'

I feel her warm radiance reach across the town, touching my heart with a gentle caress. She's holding back… but I've missed her so much in the time we've been apart.
I smile brightly.
'Leanna!'

Then, my smile fades as my excitement dies down.
'I...'

It quickly turns to guilt.
'I'm sorry...'

'Xerath, it's alright. I've made my excuses - now, what do you need?'
She smiles softly at me and awaits a response.

'I... I don't know. I think I screwed up...'
I avert my gaze, but steal glances at her every now and then. I just can't look away from her for long.

She looks up - down? Then she lets herself down.
'Don't really get why she was like that. But anyway...'

Her hair sways in the breeze and her small smile shines at me. Even though she's only an image in my brain, and even though she's keeping her distance on the illumination front… I really want to kiss her, for her to tell me that I've done nothing wrong even if I need her help.
'You screwed up? Do you want to tell me how?'

I idly notice how she's getting closer to me - or am I getting closer to her? - but since she's not really there, I miss a step and stumble slightly. I quickly cover up my blunder. Nobody should have seen that.
'Well, I don't really want to disturb you. You finally get to spend time with your dear friend. I don't want to cut into that...'

She shakes her head.
'You don't get to worry about that right now. It's going fine over here, and people need bathroom breaks. Thymia told me you need cheering up so I made a few minutes. So what do you need?'

'Alright... well... I noticed Amelia has two canteens of water on her person. I was curious why, and she told me one held water of this Dyne river. It's ever so slightly magic, and supposedly allows a mage to cast better when ingested.'
I scratch my cheek.
'And that led to me question her faith in my abilities to protect her. Which in turn led to a discussion about the nature of protection and taking lives...'

I run a hand through my hair.
'All I wanted to do was for us to have a nice and fun outing into a... carnival, I believe she called it. But no, I have to completely ruin the mood.'

She hugs me. The gentle, ecstatic pressure of her flesh is not there - instead, a gentle warmth that slowly nuzzles into me.
'So… Amelia brought up a topic related to her protecting herself, and you wondered if that meant she didn't feel safe around you?'

I ponder for a moment, open my mouth to speak, but then shake my head.
'Yes, actually. That pretty much describes it.'

'And that makes you uneasy. You like being dependable, the person others lean on.'

I nod, readily soaking up the warmth she offers.
'I... I am a god. There aren't many more powerful beings than me out there. For all accounts, I can offer protection against anything that can be expected to be encountered. Is that still not good enough? Does she not trust me? I...'
I trail off.

'Have you considered that maybe she just doesn't want to be protected? By anyone, for any reason? You know, just like you?'

'Well, yeah, that's kind of what she said, too... But... she's still so young... and pure... I could never forgive myself if something would happen to her. Or if she would have to experience the weight of a life taken.'

'Does that make what you're doing right?'

'Well, obviously not. I made her uncomfortable...'

'Amelia is a logical person. An extremely logical person. And she knows that taking lives hurts you too. Specifically, what it hurts is the argument I had with you less than an hour ago. You know how I pointed out that since you've come here you've done a lot of good things? Do you know how much harder it would be to make you believe that if you've also done bad things while on Terra?'

My mind is a bit muddy right now, so I can only tilt my head, as her point seems to elude me.
'Come again?'

'Xerath, when you were hurting, and you thought you weren't worthy, that you were evil and irredeemable, I showed you that you had done good things. If you had killed people recently, how would that have changed the equation there?'

'I... suppose that would have made it more difficult to convince me that I am, in fact, worthy of you.'

'So regardless of whether you can deal with the pain of killing, it would hurt you in other ways, wouldn't it?'

'However, you have already accepted the weight of my actions. Whether my last kill would be a day or a month ago doesn't really matter for that, does it?'

'Doesn't it?'
She looks at me challengingly.
'They're both bad things, but what do they say about you? If it's a day ago, you're a murderer. If it's a month, maybe you used to be a murderer. Because you can make up for these sorts of things, if you try really hard. You can learn, and do better.'

'I am a murderer, there's no debate about it. But you have accepted me regardless.'

'Yes. But what I'm saying is that if you try, maybe you won't have to stay that way forever.'

'Perhaps. But the memories will stay with me forever, fresh in my mind. It doesn't matter if it was a day or a decade ago, I do not forget. Not a single detail.'
I look down.
'And if I killed a million or a million and one... that hardly makes a difference at this point.'

'You won't forget. But that doesn't mean you can't make new memories. Do you think that once you do that that's just it? Oh no, I have all the memories, these will dominate my mind for the rest of time? No! Of course not! You've already started. You just need a million and one memories of saving people to match the million and one memories of killing them, and the scale will start to tip.'

I roll my eyes.
'Obviously. Out of my thirty-one years, the thirteen years of warfare dominate my memories. But if I'll have a hundred years of memories with you, the picture painted will very likely be a very different one.'

'So. Have a little hope… if you can. I really want you to.'
She gazes into my eyes, and they shine with a bright love and care.
'Can you do that for me?'

I stare straight back.
'I will do anything for you...'

Then I clear my throat and focus returns to my eyes.
'Ahem. I mean, I'll try my best. I believe in you. And I will fight for a future with you. For every moment spent with you, is one I am happy for.'

She gives me a peck on the lips, the soulful warmth of her flooding through me.
'That's all I can ask for. All we can do is try. Again and again, until we get it right.'

'Or we fail too hard.'
My voice comes across as dreamy, my focus not quite there as I feel the current of warmth.

'And then we try something else. So, just trust me. Your life can be better - just be patient, and trust, because even that is a lot to ask of you. I don't really have anything big I can think of needing to do after this town, so we can spend plenty of time together. As much as you need.'

I blink, then gaze at her lovingly.
'Well, I would certainly love that. Because I could spend eternity with you and not grow bored for a moment.'

My gaze darkens a bit.
'However, if we fail too hard, there won't be anything else left to try, is what I meant.'

She looks sadly at me.
'Well, if we fail too hard then will you have anything left to worry about?'

I mirror her expression, just as sad.
'Actually, yes. Leaving you behind heartbroken.'

'I… I can live with that. If you're not suffering anymore then… at least that's something…'
She squeezes tighter, the image intersecting with my body - where it does, I feel her.

I hug her back, just as tightly.
'Yes, I suppose you could live with that. Just like how I can live with Kory's death. Still, that is a pain I would want to spare you from. I... You managed to make me understand you care deeply about me. You got it into my thick skull.'

Despite myself, I have to chuckle at that.
'So now, I do not look forward to my end anymore, because it would leave you behind. And I would impart the same pain on you that Kory's death imparted on me. I would never want that.'

'But… I think I'd rather try to help you... than to leave you in limbo like - like this, where a single misstep can leave you fighting with depression for another piece of your life. If I can help you, that's perfect.'
She kisses me again, reverberating against my heart.
'And if not… at least you're not the one that has to deal with the consequences...'

I sigh, both into her kiss and for her words.
'Well... and neither will you, I suppose... But I trust you. I'm confident and believe in you, Leanna. If anyone can do it and help me, it's you, my love.'

She beams at me, her eyes sparkling.
'And I believe in you.'

I return her smile with a loving one of my own.
'Then let's do our best. Together.'

And so, for a minute, she just stays there, keeping me warm and making sure I'm ready to face the horrors of a carnival.

As she stays with me while I walk, I can't help but sigh in bliss.
'Force, I wish I could be at your side right now. Or you at mine. I miss you, Leanna.'

'I have to ask but… when you miss me, is it better than when you didn't know me? Or does that hurt…?'

'Hmm...'
I ponder her question for a moment, giving it the thought it deserves.
'I'd say... it's better. Before, I just always had this numb void inside me. But now I know you, and you make me whole. But your absence makes me kind of painfully aware of what is missing.'

'I wish I could fill you up all the time…'
Then, she stops. Her face reddens.

I blink at her reaction.
'Is something wrong, dear?'

'Meep!'
She squeaks most adorably in my mind. Does it have something to do with what she just said, maybe?

'Aww... you are so cute and adorable...'
I smile softly.
'But that still doesn't answer my question.'

'Ahhh… hahaha… uhhh…'

I just look at her softly and patiently, if somewhat confused.

'I just said… uhh… that I wanted to make you feel full… and… Ohboy…'

I tilt my head.
'Yes?'

'Well… that's…'
She looks down.
'…it's a sex thing.'

My eyes widen and my cheeks redden.
'Oooh... I see...'

Then I scratch my warming cheek.
'But... wouldn't it have to be me saying that to work properly?'

Her eyes go as wide as saucers and she grows even redder.

Her reaction makes me realise what I just said.
'Oh Force, I'm sorry!'

I feel how I radiate heat like a generator.
'Oh kriff, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to...'
Then I trail off, not knowing what to say.

After a moment of stewing in heat and embarrassment, and even more embarrassing thoughts about what could possibly be in the future, I violently shake my head.
'You know... I just meant that your love and care nurture me, and that you make me whole and keep me full like a good meal. And I thought you meant the same...'

She nods meekly.
'I did…'

'Then... how did you make yourself embarrassed like that?'

'But then I realized… I'm sorry…'
She buries her face in her hands.

'Hey, it's okay...'
I take her hands in mine and gently lift them. I place soft kisses on both of them.
'We are both adults here, in a committed relationship. We may also be innocent dorks, but this will be a topic of our relationship at some point. At least I hope so.'

'Well... uhhh...'
She sighs.
'It's just... it happens when I don't mean it to...'

I smile slightly.
'Yeah, same.'
Then I gently kiss her hand again. Even just her mental image is so lovely. Oh, how I wish I could be by her side.

'...I should get going soon. Are you going to be alright, Xerath?'

I sigh.
'I'll miss you. But... I think I shouldn't collapse in the next moments.'

I smile reassuringly.
'I should be fine.'

She beams at me, and for a moment I am at peace.
'Have fun, Xerath.'

I sigh happily.
'Thanks. You too, my love. I'll eagerly await seeing you later.'

She leans in, and plants a kiss on my lips. The taste of her warmth would linger there for hours. Then, she slowly fades, returning to what she was doing before.

I lean into her touch, again not paying attention to my steps and stumbling slightly, before catching myself again.
'I love you, Leanna. Enjoy your time with your friend.'

She waves as she vanishes.

I sigh happily, but melancholically. I already miss her. A hand travels to my lips absentmindedly, but her warmth remains with me. I smile.
And so I return my mind to the task of following Amelia to the carnival. Once more I realise that I forgot to apply an illusion. All my actions were visible. I glance around nervously, to see if anyone has seen my odd behaviour.
Not that I can notice. At the very least, my companions have not bothered me. Well, I wouldn't even mind them. They are my friends. But if the townspeople saw me, that could be bad... Yet it doesn't appear so.

Eventually, we reach the fairgrounds. Consisting primarily of a number of colourful tents hosting stalls, the area is expansive and somewhat active. Perhaps at a lower density than its spread would permit, but active enough.
My eyes scan the perimeter with the routine of an experienced combatant, searching for potential dangers and escape routes. Then I shake my head and focus rather on the atmosphere of the place, the people and the activities offered there.

Amelia stops.
"We have arrived. Do... any of you know what is done in a location like this one?"

I return my attention to her and shrug.
"Not personally. I never visited a parade, either. But from what I heard, there are all kinds of different activities and foods offered. I'd suggest we just stroll the grounds and see if anything strikes our fancy."

"I see."
She looks around.
"Contests of strength... fortune tellers... ah, a game of skill perhaps?"

Her eyes land on an accuracy game - using a discharger, hit several targets to win.
Zack looks it over.
"Probably pretty easy for me at least."

"I am aware. But perhaps I could find this interesting. Xerath, what do you think?"

I frown.
"As you may have noticed, I am not the biggest fan of firearms under the stars."

My frown then lessens somewhat.
"However, it could provide a good challenge for you. I'll just have to make sure the weapon in question is safe to use."

I take a look around as well.
"I would be quite interested in the game of strength and the fortune teller. See if your locals can predict the future as well."

"Generally speaking, they cannot. Fortune telling is quackery. The one over there would accomplish it via the study of a person's hand, and would have you believe the various lines upon it determine a person's destiny."

I frown somewhat.
"That would require me to remove my gloves, wouldn't it? Hmm..."

"Indeed it would. Though I do not understand the problem that you have with that."

I ponder, but hesitate.
"Hmm... well, the day is still young, we can go through multiple stalls. We're here to have a good time, after all."

Then I glance at Amelia.
"My body is... not as... smooth as my face may imply. I am rather hesitant to show skin."

"I see. You are not required to take off clothing if you do not wish to."

"I am aware. But still, I am quite curious what that fortune teller would read from my palm."
I draw a hand to my chin. Then, I smile. It is slightly strained.
"Let's just go and start with the... discharger stand. It caught your interest, and with Zack and me here, we could give you some pointers, if you'd like."

"Affirmative."
She steps up to the stand, paying for her attempts.
"I would like to try, please."

The operator nods, handing her a discharger, and explains the game.
"You've got five shots, the goal is to hit as many targets as possible. Do well enough and you'll win a prize."

I scan the discharger with a critical eye. I don't trust firearms farther than I can throw them. I will not have one blow up again in the face of someone I care about.
The weapon seems stable. I cross my arms and keep a portion of my focus on it. If anything appears out of the ordinary, I will be ready to step in.

Amelia positions herself. Zack nudges her arm.
"Don't stand sideways like that. Position yourself so your body can absorb the kick - it's crucial for aiming."

Amelia nods.
"I will take that under advisement."
One foot steps back.

I arc a brow.
"Personally, I would have let her try on her own first and come to her own conclusions, then step in and correct her if necessary. But she seems to appreciate the assistance."

Zack shakes his head.
"I'm not exactly a fan of just throwing someone into the wind with no training. They should know the basics. But don't worry, she'll figure the rest out on her own."

I nod.
"She will, I'm sure. Yet in a safe environment, I like to let people make their own experiences first. Though I absolutely understand where you're coming from, too."

Amelia lines up her first shot. There is the crack of magic, and she misses.
She frowns, and lines up again.

I stand by, watching impassively. I feel both the disdain for the weapon, and the desire to help Amelia. I want her to succeed.

Another crack. Another miss. In a different direction, yes, but not exactly much closer. Amelia is trying, but it's hard to tell whether said trying is accomplishing anything.
Her brows furrow.
"Perhaps..."

She shifts her aim again, and changes her stance.

I am silently watching, glancing over at Zack to gauge his reactions.

Zack remains impassive, only slightly judging Amelia's form. She fires again. Another miss.

A slight frown settles on her face as she quickly lines up another shot. She misses again, and this causes her to look at the weapon again.
"Zack, you are aware of the functioning of dischargers?"

He seems somewhat startled.
"Yes?"

"Could you inspect this one for me, perhaps something is impeding the projection process."

I arc a brow.
"What makes you say that?"

"The weapon is behaving erratically."

"How so? I can't detect any fluctuations out of the norm."

"Perhaps someone who is familiar with the functioning of dischargers should weigh in on such things?"
There is annoyance in her voice, but it isn't exactly directed at me.

Zack inspects the discharger, turning it over and running a few tests. Then, he looks at Amelia and she nods. He shoots the weapon towards the sky.
Then he shakes his head.
"It's not any worse than a carnival toy would be."

"I figured as much. There is nothing wrong with the weapon."
I arc a brow at Amelia.
"What made you think so?"

Amelia takes the weapon back.
"It was not behaving ergonomically. I had anticipated a designed object to be made to be used. No matter - if nothing is wrong then I will comprehend it."

She places another coin on the counter, and the shopkeep nods. Amelia breathes, raising it to a firing position.

I nod.
"Yes. A weapon is made to be used. That said, it still requires skill to be used effectively. And said skill needs to be learned."

"Indeed. Though it should still be trivial for an amateur to hit a still target at this range, surely."

"Hardly. Those targets are rather small, and you never fired a discharger before, did you?"

Another breath. The sound claps against my ears. The air splits - above one of the targets. It's impossible for an untrained or unenhanced eye to see, but her shots are getting closer, by a few millimetres every time on average.
"If it was, I would have to assume the designers of these weapons are lax, or that I have been lied to about the utility key to their ubiquity."

I smile proudly.
"Well, they fire magic. You have to aim. Those things do not have aim-assisting systems."

"What do you mean 'aim assisting systems'? You speak as though it is difficult to design something for ease of use."
She turns towards me.

I shake my head.
"Ranged weaponry are a... delicate thing. It will likely take some..."

I close an eye and ponder something, calculating numbers.
"...centuries before you can manufacture absolutely precise weapons."

I then look back at the discharger in her hands.
"You wield a tool. And like with any tool, its effectiveness depends on the skill of the wielder. You are untrained, as of now. Repeated use will make you more experienced. You already get closer to your mark with each shot, little by little, as both your body and mind adjust to this new sensation."

She looks at Zack.
"So discharger groups use volley fire a majority of the time, then?"

He nods.
"How else could you make them ready in three months?"

Her eyes close.
"I see."

"Truly skilled marksmen train for years to reach uncanny precision."
I step forward and place an encouraging hand on her shoulder.
"You are an exceptionally fast learner. You already make incredible progress. Do not be deterred. I know you will hit your mark very soon. Just remain calm, focused and steady. Anticipate the kickback, and adjust your stance to compensate. Despite not being kinetic, it has force behind it, and you're not the strongest person, so put your weight in it."

"…I will do this."
She turns, aiming back for the target.

I lift my hand and take a step back, giving her the space to focus.

Two more shots follow - more erratic than her previous ones. There is something wrong with the discharger - it is a carnival game, after all. It isn't properly dispersing elemental energy which can disrupt the weapon's aim. As people begin to learn, this factor kicks up, preventing them from being able to consistently hit the target.

I frown, but remain silent. As long as it is safe, I need not interfere. This, too, is part of the learning process.

Zack, however, decides to interfere and puts a hand on the weapon.
"Hold on, it's jammed."

He twists the crystal in its socket, and the discharger off-gasses a considerable amount of energy.
"Cheaper dischargers don't have good magic emitters. You need to vent them manually."

The crystal is returned to its original position.
"Try it now."

I arc a brow and turn to Zack.
"Would it have led to a dangerous build-up of energy if not done?"

"Dangerous how? If you mean the shots becoming more and more inaccurate until one hits the barrel lining, then yes. In a few dozen shots it would've been dangerous for the weapon. This poor little guy is a bit too simple to ever pose a threat to a person though."
He looks almost mournfully at it.
"Poor thing…"

"Well, I'm glad."

"I shall take it under advisement."
Amelia aims again.

Zack and I fall silent, allowing her to concentrate.

Another shot. The target, a glass bottle, rocks in the breeze kicked up by the blast. I see her smirk slightly. She knows she just about had something.

I nod proudly. She really is an exceptionally fast learner.

Amelia listens. Her senses are open, and she moves a foot back another little bit. I see the glimmer of her Force presence - being pulled upon in the form I recognise, and to the absolute greatest extent that Amelia's being could muster. Most Force users never know, but there's not a being alive that doesn't use the Force in some capacity, and it's never just to stay alive. Even if they can never be taught how to break spines with their mind, subtler things can happen, and right now Amelia is focusing to her absolute limit.
I watch intently. This should definitely hit. There is no way she could miss like this.

Her arms are stilled by telepathic command, layered overtop of each biological signal.
The trigger is pulled… the target rocks on its position, and falls over. She didn't hit, but she got close enough that it didn't matter. The dense glass bounces off the floor.

Amelia stands still, surprised. She pulls herself back together, and fires her last shot. Miss.
The gun is placed back on the table, and she turns around, shaking.

I smile widely, proudly.
"You did it, Amelia. You hit your target."

After a moment she jumps in the air with joy.
"YES! I did! I did it!"
Her smile is bright and cheerful, confidence overtaken by pride.

I smile brightly at the sight, my heart and expression melting at the adorable sight. I hold my arms out for her, sharing her joy.
"You did! I told you you could do it!"

However, the scene collapses, as she looks around, wide-eyed, and then composed herself.
"I mean… yes. Given sufficient attempts I should expect it would be possible."

My face falls as I notice her desire to hide her joy. I smile, a bit sadly.
"As I said, you are truly a fast learner."

"I… shall go for a bit. Something needs doing. I shall return."
She departs.
"Thank you two for your help."

"You're very welcome. We'll wait for you here."
As soon as she's out of earshot, I look to Zack curious.
"Any idea where she has to go to?"

"To wash up? Couldn't say otherwise."
He puts down a coin on the table himself.
"I'm going to win one of those plushes. You going to do something?"

I eye the dischargers of the booth critically and with a slight, disdainful frown. Then, I remember something Leanna said a while back. She doesn't want to stay afraid. But am I afraid? Well... in a way, I am. Not for myself, obviously, but... I am afraid all the same. And yet I let Amelia use this weapon. It is safe. It won't blow up and burn her face. It's alright. And besides, I would like to win a plushy, too, give Amelia a reward for her efforts.
I sigh deeply, glancing at Zack.
"What would you like the plushy for?"

"Eh, this and that. You never know when you could use something like this."

I arc a bemused brow and smirk.
"What? Expect to find a lovely lady? Or do you want to prepare it as a trap?"

My eyes widen a bit as I realise what I said, and I remember the tactics employed by the Empire on Balmorra, hiding explosives in discarded commlinks. My smirk quickly falls.
"I-I'm sorry. Forget the second part."

"Bad memories?"

I nod slowly.
"Yeah... you could say that. I have... a lot of those."

He shrugs.
"It's fine. Discharger please."

The discharger is offered. Zack picks it up.
"…different weighting…alright, I can work with this."

Crack crack crack crack crack!
In quick succession, five shots ring out, and I hear the sound of reverberating glass.

I glance at the booth, already expecting five solid hits. Which is exactly what I find. Five targets, missing from their positions.

The person manning the booth is slightly surprised.
"…Oh. Well, pick a prize."

I nod impressed at Zack.
"As expected of you. Well done, my friend. Well done indeed."

Zack nods once to me, then goes up to the booth, looking over the prizes. There are many, and many of them are different flavours of pango. Zack does not choose a pango. Instead, he selects a crude facsimile of what appears to be a warrior from Velden. In stubby hands, the plushie holds an oversized longbow, a small and round buckler covering one hand. The small thing has a fierce expression, yet upon its tiny features that expression is almost comical.

I peek at it curiously.
"An elven warrior from Velden, I believe?"

"Yes. A hunter."
He places the plush in a small pouch.

Zack did not choose a pango, but Amelia would most likely like one. I sigh deeply and glance at the dischargers with disdain. I really don't want to wield such a blasted thing again... but... I want to treat Amelia to a small gift. With great reluctance, I hand the booth operator the required coin.
"I... would like to try my hand as well."

"Alright."
I am handed a weapon. Its housing shakes with elemental power.

I tentatively grab the gun, staring at it intently. It really has been a while since I last used one such weapon. Yet the memories of that time still remain as clear as day. I close my eyes and attune myself to the crystal inside. This weapon uses the flow of magic. I can sense that.
The crystal within breathes, in what can really be described as… a parody of life. It's mechanical. The nature of the crystal is that it is mechanical. Every motion is choreographed well in advance, and I can see them all.
I frown even deeper, but ignore that. I must not get sidetracked. I do this for Amelia.
After a moment, I open my eyes again with new focus. I raise my arm to aim, predicting the flow of the discharge and the trajectory of the resulting blast. My Force senses and my keen mind work together, calculating the optimal vector.
Then, I squeeze the trigger.
Crack.
One shot, one hit. The glass bottle was hit squarely and falls over.
I nod once, then repeat the process. In a fraction of a second, I calculate the trajectory of the next shots and adjust my aim accordingly with uncanny precision. My colicoid muscles coil as my arm absorbs the kickback effortlessly.
Crack. Crack. Crack. Crack.
Four more bottles fall over.
I nod once again, with grim contentment. I then place the discharger on the table as fast as I can. Now that the moment of focus fades and my mind shifts back to the world around, I notice that my hand is now shaking without the discharger. I clasp it with the other one to hold it still.

"Huh. Well, pick your prize."

I nod at the man.
"Thank you. I think I'll take a... pink pango."
Amelia seems to like cute things and soft, pastel colours. Based on her colour scheme, a pink one should be a good fit for her.

"Alright."
The weapon is exchanged for the pango, and the operator reorganises for the next attempt.
"Next!"

I step away from the booth, holding the pango in a shivering hand, and holding that hand with my other. I exhale deeply, letting the tension run its course through my system. I step beside Zack.

"Doesn't look like you enjoyed that."

"No, I can't say I did."

He shrugs.
"Well, you got the thing at least."

I nod.
"Yes. My desire to win the prize was greater than my... disdain for firearms, it seems."
I take another deep breath, and the trembling of my arm begins to subside.

"What's yours for?"

I blink, glancing over to Zack, then smile slightly.
"I wanted to give Amelia a reward for her efforts. A gift to show her my appreciation, so to speak. I hope she'll like it."

"I see. Hope that works out - she did seem excited to win."

"Oh yes, absolutely. And I hope one day she won't feel forced to hide her joy like that."
I smile warmly.
"Her unbridled joy was incredibly adorable."

My glance turns a bit more curious.
"And what about yours? I think we got a bit... sidetracked as I asked you earlier."

"Like I said, you never know when something like this might come in handy."

I nod, then smile at him.
"I see. Well, I hope you like our little... excursion today so far."

"Eh. It was fun."

Amelia reappears a minute later.
"There. I am ready to proceed."

I nod at her and hand her the plushy, smiling warmly.
"Great, welcome back. This is for you, by the way. I hope you like it."

She looks at the gift for a little bit, seemingly perplexed. Finally, she accepts it.
"Thank you. This is appreciated."

My smile grows a bit.
"I'm glad."

Then, I regard her with curiosity.
"But what about this perplexed you so?"

"It is strange that you give me this."
Her expression, far from the joy she expressed before, is neutral.

I tilt my head.
"Is it really so strange of me to give someone I care about a gift? Is it strange that I'd like to give you a reward for your efforts?"

"Yes, from you it is."
Despite it all, there is a hint of a smile.
"This does not mean that it is not appreciated."

I blink.
"Is it? Really?"

I smile as well, still a bit confused.
"Well, then I'm glad. It was not easy for me to win the prize for you, let me tell you."

"Then I appreciate that as well."

I nod at her.
"Well then, shall we continue? There are some other things I'd like to check out, after all. Are there also some things that have caught your interest while we strolled over the grounds?"

"Nothing I have seen. Let us explore."

I nod again.
"Very well, let us do that. As I said, I'm interested in that fortune teller, and that strength contest. I wonder if that fortune teller would be as accurate as Inquisitor Ragate..."
I draw a hand to my chin.

"Fortune telling is not accurate."

"Have you tried it out before?"

"I have, and I have read about the tricks they use to make their predictions seem accurate."

"Oh? Would you mind sharing those tricks?"

She takes a breath.
"Ahem. 'Soon, you shall encounter a person who - should you play your cards right - will have an incredible influence upon your life.'"

I blink at her.
"I mean, you know I already met Leanna."

"Did I mean Leanna?"

I smile dreamily.
"I quite doubt anyone could have potentially a bigger influence on my life."

"Perhaps another. 'Powerful forces swirl about you, if you are careful you can harness them.'"

I tilt my head.
"That is rather accurate, too, given who - and what - I am."

"Is it? Because both are lines I read directly from memory, sourced to a guidebook I read two years ago."

"Fascinating. It may not apply to anyone. But to me... well, with the Elementals being interested in granting me power for some reason, and my own might, it really is quite accurate."

"I did not consider who you were when I selected them."

I shrug.
"Perhaps not consciously."

She chuckles.
"They're all like that, Xerath. The way these statements work is by being vague - they could apply to anyone who is willing to interpret them. If you stop to think about more than just yourself, who is the person who could have a massive effect on a person? Surely I'll meet them soon, but have I already? Did I miss them? What if they've already passed me with a hello and I just couldn't tell?"

"Fascinating."
I listen to her intently.

"And so, the statement creates a situation in the mind of the believer where the statement may be made to be true through almost any future event that remotely resembles it, while having no predictive power and providing no assistance should the person encounter a scenario which it may have predicted."

"I suppose that is true. I may be suspective to this, given my background regarding the reading of futures"

"A classic example of this style of fortune-telling is found in history, when an ancient general asked who would win an upcoming battle. They were told 'There will be a victor'."

I look at her flatly.
"...Wow. Really?"

"Such is the nature of fortune telling. In the absence of a magic that could predict the future, some turned to the magical thinking that pervades the minds of humans."

"I see..."
I shrug.
"Well, I still find that plenty interesting. So who knows what that fortune teller has in store."

Then I smirk.
"Or how they'd react to being called a scam by you."

"I would much rather we not provide them with funding and encouragement. They receive enough already."

I sigh.
"Alright. Then we don't visit them."

I glance over to the stall of the fortune teller. I'm still curious, though. Oh well.
"That leaves us with the test of strength, then?"

"Yes, you wished to do that?"
She shrugs gently.
"It is not my thing, but I shall watch."

I nod confidently.
"Yes, I didn't expect you to participate. But I would like to get Leanna something as well. And I'm curious how that particular challenge functions."

I look over to Zack.
"You wanna try it, too?"

He shakes his head.
"Nah. I know how strong I am."

"Well, so do I. But how does that prevent you from wanting to attempt this challenge?"

"I don't have the thing that makes you want to, clearly."
Zack just looks at me.

I nod, catching his meaning.
"I see. Well, then I'll see it for myself."
I step up towards the stall with the others, curiously gazing at this strange challenge.

The test of strength takes the form of a bell, meant to be rung by a weight launched into the bell by striking a target at the bottom with a mallet.
I step up to the operator.
"Good day, sir. You have a very curious machination here. This is my first time seeing something quite like it. It seems I'd have to hit the plate at the bottom with a hammer, is that correct?"

"Yeah, that's about right. Five circlets a go."
Then, he looks behind me, and pales slightly.

I furrow my brows in worry and glance over my shoulder. I don't detect any danger, beyond this presence of someone not hailing from Esaria.
Sure enough, there is a man walking over to us. As he strolls over, I get a good look at the large man, or rather the wall of muscles. He's about two and a half meters tall, with arms thicker than Amelia's torso.
A two-hander is strapped to his back. The blade alone is as large and wide as I am. But the most curious feature of his is the blue skin, which I only notice in his face. It's not as deep a blue as the Chiss, but it does come close. He doesn't share their characteristic red eyes, however. The rest of his hulking mass is clad in imposing, heavy metal armour.
Heavy metal armour... made of beskar. That inscrutable metal not even I can replicate.

I blink. That must be one of the Proxians, then.

The walking tank steps up right past me and to the booth operator. His deep voice rumbles down.
"One try."

The gruff voice calls me out of my surprise, and I clear my throat.
"Ahem. Excuse me, sir, I was first in line."

The man towers over me and glances down at me, looking me over and sizing me up.
"Is that a problem, little man? I am strongest, so I go first."

However, I am not intimidated in the slightest.
"Well, you sure seem to be far away from your lands, and I'm sure you have your own customs. But around here, people value order. Your undoubtedly impressive strength gives you no right to cut the line. Here it's first come, first served."

The hulking mass of a man blinks, surprised.
"Is that true? Nobody told me so far. All just made way for me, gave me what I asked for. I did not know was wrong."

He focuses his intense gaze on Zack.
"You, other small man. Is what he says true?"

Zack nods.
"Yeah. Doesn't always work out that way, but it's what we try to do."

The Proxian pauses.
"I... see. Then... all this time... caused trouble, didn't I?"

He holds a fist across his chest and makes a half-bow.
"I... apolo... apologize."

He looks at me and gestures towards the vendor.
"Please, small man, go first then. Show me your strength."

I nod in acknowledgement and turn back to the vendor.
"So, five coins you said, right?"

The booth operator nods, a bit perplexed.
"Y-yes, right."

I hand him the amount. I burn through my winnings rather fast. But if I can make Leanna smile with a gift I can win, then it would be worth all the money.
I pick up the hammer with one hand. Hmm, it's about five kilograms. Quite heavy for an untrained person. But for me? Not so much. I leisurely position myself in front of the tower and analyse the mechanism. Ah, simple leverage. You just have to hit it in the right spot with the right angle. That's as important as raw strength.
I focus down on the target and hold the hammer up with only one hand. I hold it at the end of the handle, but then decide against it and let it slip a bit down, so that I don't get too much leverage. I lift it up above my hand, tensing my muscles.
Then I swing down. Hard.
The hammer quickly connects with the base and sends the weight upwards.
But apparently, I swung a bit too hard, as the hammer bends slightly at my might and the weight crashes into the bell with a reverberating clang, yet not quite denting it. I wince inwardly and mutter.
"Oops."

Everyone notices the loud sound. The Proxian cocks his head.

I lift the hammer back up to assess the damage and notice it's not that obvious. Just not even a degree off, easily fixed.
Then, I smirk at the large man as I place the hammer back on the shopkeeper's table.

He blinks impressed and mumbles under his breath. Most don't hear it, but I can pick it up clearly.
"Me'ven?"

"Have I shown you my strength now?"

He nods.
"You have indeed. Most impressive display of strength. Small man more strong than he looks."
He grins a toothy smile. Some teeth are missing.

I smirk up at the muscular man.
"That holds true for surprisingly much. Many things have hidden talents, despite their unassuming appearance."

He pauses at my words, then nods once at me.
"There... may be merit to your words. What is your name?"

"Xerath Kallig."

"Then Tryndamere will remember your words and your strength, Xerath Kallig."

I smile.
"That is really all I can ask for."

The big man, Tryndamere, then smiles.
"But now, allow me to show you my strength."

I gesture for him to go to the booth operator.
"By all means, go ahead."

The towering man nods once and steps up to the counter, while I browse the selection of prizes. I did win that game, after all, right?

This stall appears to provide a number of small personal affects instead of the plushes from the previous stall. Simple wooden jewellery and clothing articles.
I frown ever so slightly. I know Leanna loves cute things, and would probably appreciate a plushy. But I'm not so certain about these things. I scan the rows with a critical eye, looking for anything that may be good enough for my goddess.
Searching through them nets me one object I believe will be acceptable - a small wooden container, to be worn from the neck. It is currently empty, but that appears to be the point - it is supposed to store something small close at hand to be kept or looked at frequently. It seems to be a rather cheap trinket... but it was at least done with sufficient craftsmanship. And I hope the thought counts. This might be my option from the selection.

After the gruff Proxian paid his coins and received the hammer, I point to the item.
"I'd like this small... container on a necklace, please."

"The locket? Alright."
I receive the locket from him.

"Thank you."
I take it and gaze it over curiously. I really hope she'll like it, because I'm not sure about its potential functions. One question is on my mind about this item - should I put something inside it myself, or let Leanna decide what is stored there?
Well, I am not familiar with the customs surrounding it, so I'll ask Zack and Amelia about it later. If they can't provide a satisfactory answer, I'd ask Kara when we meet up.
Oh well. The Proxian is about to demonstrate his power, so I pocket the locket.

Tryndamere positions himself in front of the tower and focuses his attention on the plate on the ground.
He raises the hammer over his head, gripping it not quite at the end with both his hands.
Then, he swings it down with a mighty roar.
"Oya!"

The hammer connects squarely with the target zone, sending the metal weight straight up towards the bell, fast. Only a moment later the bell rings out, announcing the man's victory.
He grins and raises his arms up.
"Yeah! Oya!"

There is sparse, polite clapping, and some animosity bubbling in the crowd. Less of it, thanks to Tryndamere's apology and apparent humility, but it is present.

I arc a brow at that, training my sensitive hearing on this bubbling animosity.

"Oh, sure, he's been making a mistake while bullying us this whole time... he just accepted to avoid a diplomatic incident."
"I haven't seen much of those men from the north, but if this is their best..."
"So uncivilized..."
It's quiet. Hushed. Most of them aren't talking to anyone but the air. The Esarians in fancier clothing move away from the area, seeking other parts of the carnival.

I frown at that, then glance over to the Proxian.

Tryndamere stomps over with a smile on his face. If he can hear those whispers, he does not care about them.
"Did you see my might?"

I nod, my frown getting replaced with a small smile.
"I did indeed. The result was about expected of a man of your build."

He blinks, confused, not quite understanding the words.

"Ah. You have an imposing muscularity. The strength you showed was expected with that body."

His eyes widen in understanding.
"Ah. Yes, yes, I well trained my muscles. Prox is tough. Proxians are tougher."

I nod.
"You certainly seem so. Well now, I bid you a nice day, Tryndamere. May our paths cross again."

He puts a hand over his chest and makes a respectful half-bow.
"Ret'urcye mhi, Xerath Kallig."

I blink. That is definitely mando'a. I should've noticed it at the 'me'ven' earlier, but this confirms it. The presence of their people here marks a huge mystery. One I can ponder over later.

Tryndamere focuses on the booth operator, browsing the selection of prizes as well.

I then leave that man to himself and turn back to my friends.

"Well, that was certainly something."
Zack regards the behemoth.
"I can believe they survive up north."

Amelia nods.
"It is good that he learns more about how to live here. I can't imagine that the others he bullied have a bright view of him."

"Now, 'bullied' may not be the word I'd use - it implies an intention to harm - but I agree with your statement. He does remind me of the Mandalorians, including how they're misunderstood by most who don't know them personally."

"Forgive me, then, if my speech is unclear or absurd."

I shrug.
"It's fine. It just may be another instance of our definitions differing."

"Still, I am curious. What could be learned from them? Surely they could tell us a great deal about their home."

"I wonder. Probably not too much you'd find useful, to be honest. They have to fight with a whole set of different problems than you."

"There will be Esarians with interest in their environment and culture, and even if it cannot benefit my specific studies directly I'm sure it will give me much."

I nod.
"Most likely. I hope the relations will remain peaceful. The tensions here do not bode well..."

Her head droops a tiny bit.
"With only a modicum of luck there should be no blood spilt in Esaria over this..."

I shake my head.
"Be that as it may, there was also something else I wanted to ask you two."

She raises her face again to train her neutral expression at me.
"Ask away."

I pull out the locket.
"I got this here for Leanna, but I'm kind of at a loss for what I'm supposed to do with it. I assume it's some kind of container. But should I let Leanna decide what to put in there, or should I put something in there myself? And if so, what?"

Zack blinks.
"Oh, a locket? Well, usually a little portrait goes in there. Since you're giving it as a gift, you'll probably put a picture in it."

I nod slowly.
"I see... That should be doable. Thank you."

I close my eyes and concentrate for a moment. A picture... Well, the first thing that comes to mind is me and her, cuddling together, gazing into each other's eyes. The second one would be of me and my trademark smirk. I create small pictures of both images in my palm, but ultimately decide to put the one of both of us into the locket. I open my eyes to look at Zack.
"Would this be appropriate?"

He inspects the locket.
"Hmm... good effort. This will do fine."

I smile widely.
"You think so? Great! Ahh... I can't wait to give it to her."

I excitedly clap my hands.
"Now, would you like to go over the grounds some more?"

"This is acceptable, though I haven't seen anything else which interests me."

Zack shrugs.

"That's okay. I haven't either, aside from the fortune teller. But maybe we can grab a bite to eat and talk a bit?"

Amelia looks up at the sky.
"If you wish, you may get yourself something. It is too close to the evening for my liking."

I blink up at the darkening sky and the setting sun.
"Oh. You are right. It is getting a bit late. At that point, we might as well head back to the inn and eat together with the others."

"Indeed."

We leave the carnival as it begins to fill with torchlight.
Wait. Torchlight? Doesn't their society use crystal lamps?
Oh, right. Rampant crystal theft in this city.

As we return to the city proper, that becomes ever more evident. Some lamps are just dark, leaving patches of void in between lit areas.

"Take care. I doubt you can see in the dark, so watch your step."

Soon enough though, we return to the front of the inn. I see Leanna walking down the streets, talking with Kara about something.
My expression immediately lights up. I wave over.
"Leanna!"

She looks over and smiles at me.

Soon enough, the two reach the doorway and she stands in front of me again.
"Hi Xerath. How were things?"

She smirks slightly.
"Stayed out of trouble?"

"Hey Leanna. I missed you. But things are going nice."
I then blink.
"Ehm... I think so, at least. I ran into a proxian, but things were fine."

She beams at me, and slowly the world around me begins to thaw again.
"A Proxian, huh? How was that?"

My expression softens, as my world begins to be returned to this blond angel in front of me.
"He was very tall, very muscular and very gruff. As expected of a warrior of the north. That full beskar plate armour is very impressive. But he had a bit of... a problem with local customs."

Leanna appears interested, but looks at the others, and at the inn.
"I'd love to hear about this, but perhaps food first?"

Kara sighs dramatically.
"FINALLY some recognition around here!"

I blink, and am suddenly reminded that there are, in fact, other people around.
"Oh! Right. Sorry."

I smile at Kara.
"Hey Kara. Haven't seen you in a while. How was your day?"
As I speak, I hold the door open for my companions.

As motion occurs, Amelia attempts to take my place to maintain flow. Kara shrugs.
"Been working with a contact about leads regarding your lost city. I think I might have something, too."

I step through, but still hold the door open, so that the others can pass through without issue. I gesture for Amelia to go in.
"Oh? Sounds interesting."

"I do need to look into it more, but apparently some baron's kid was bragging about having found something nearby."

"Ooh. Alright. You are quite competent, so I have no doubt that you'll find it."
I smile at her warmly. Not nearly as warmly as I smile at Leanna, but still quite welcoming.

Leanna asks for food, and we all sit down. Amelia looks out the window.
"Have we not yet considered the strangeness of light crystal theft? Petty crime like this is not unheard of, but this is city-wide. Who has need for so many low-power crystals?"

Leanna frowns.
"Yeah… you can't exactly do very much with them, and no black market spikes have been reported while this was going on… is someone keeping them?"

"Well, a while ago, you mentioned this transmutation thing. Shadow transmutation? Maybe someone wants that many crystals to amp them up."
And at her frown, I move just a bit closer to her.

She puts a dainty finger to her delicate chin.
"…there is a shadow plague outbreak ongoing, that energy is coming from somewhere. One somewhere could be a messy transmutation operation. Usually it would be a new crystal deposit or something like that, but if someone is making enough tainted spheres… It would need to be enough to be a big problem."

I prop my elbow on the table and rest my head on my fist as I look dreamily at Leanna and her motion.
"...so cute..."

Amelia coughs.
"Shadow magic is hardly cute."

I catch myself and blink, clearing my throat.
"Ahem. Right. Shadow magic. Besides the rampant shadow plague, I haven't felt anything out of the ordinary in this city. But that may be because this plague is already bad enough."

"The issue is that the cause of the plague and the symptom of the hypothetical operation are the same. Excess ambient Shadow Energy."

"No, the issue is that I cannot find it."

"You can't see an area of particularly high energy in the city?"

Zack raises an eyebrow.
"What about outside the city?"

I shake my head slowly.
"The entire slum district is drenched in the Dark side. I cannot see a specific location standing out. Outside? Hmm... that would be logical, to set up their base of operation away from prying eyes."

Amelia looks at Zack.
"Perhaps, that could be. Moving the energy elsewhere would be an effective strategy. If you wait in between sessions of transmutation to allow the magic to move it would be more effective still. If there is a domain capable of such trickery it is Shadow magic. Hmmm… but how to find it?"

I draw a hand to my chin.
"How to find it indeed..."

Kara smirks, game face applied.
"We follow the thieves of course."

I blink, then nod.
"Right. If we can't find the energy, follow the people."

"Sometime tonight they'll make today's rounds. I'll figure out where they are, and we can check it out tomorrow."

"You sure you don't want us along? If they're thieves, they might be dangerous."

"Not all of us are used to hours of stakeout, and believe me I'll be safer without a big group to make noise. But if you're really quiet, I might be able to bring one person along - if they're interested in laying completely still for hours without falling asleep."

I smirk.
"I can be quite quiet. And I'd rather not you go out alone to investigate a potentially dangerous group of thieves."

Then, my small smile fades as I remember something, and look over to Leanna.
"But on the other hand, I kind of had plans this evening..."

"I can do it."
Zack raises a hand.
"Awake and alert isn't that hard."

I nod.
"Alright, sounds good. With you at her side, I know you two will be fine."

Kara looks him over.
"Hmm… well, you are the merc-y type then arentcha?"

Zack doesn't comment.

I blink.
"What? I thought it was long established that he is a mercenary?"

Kara looks at me.
"You can be a mercenary without being a mercenary."

I just tilt my head at her, confused.

"Okay, how would you understand…"
She looks around for a reference.

Leanna just shakes her head.
"Kara was merely making an observation that Zack would fit in among some of his peers."

My eyes widen in understanding.
"Ooh. I see."

Leanna stands again, going to collect the food set out for us.

It occurs to me that the table has taken this for granted - perhaps Leanna would appreciate help with carrying five plus items to a table?
So I stand as well.
"Do you need a hand?"

Leanna seems a little surprised, but smiles warmly at me.
"Yes, I would like a hand. Thank you."

I skip up beside her.
"You're welcome."

As I reach her, I lean a bit closer and lower my voice.
"Is it so surprising that I want to help my love carry the food for five people?"

I smile warmly at her.
"It seems we've come to expect it. But it's very much appreciated that you always bring us our food, or at least order it."

She glances my way, and though most words remain unspoken her eyes flicker with all I need to hear.
"I appreciate it."

Together we gather up the bowls and cups, and I notice every beauteous moment of the time Leanna reaches for the same cup as me so her finger brushes across my hand.
A few hours I survived, but that hardly meant I wasn't starving, and this moment of contact feels like it drags out for an aeon.
I search her eyes as my cheeks feel warm. Is she aware of what she's doing? Is she even doing this on purpose?

She is collecting her set of bowls and cups, but she catches my gaze, and smirks mischievously. She might not be aware of the full scope of her effects, but this one she did on purpose.

Oh, this woman... I sigh and smile at her dreamily.
'I have missed you so much.'

'I can see. I missed you too, Xerath. But more than that will have to wait.'

Disappointment and understanding flash over my face.
'I know.'

I feel the echo of warmth upon my lips, a shadow of the dizzying and intoxicating feeling she evokes.
'Now come on, let's get these where they need to be.'

A promise of more of that later. I imagine how her reaction to the present might be. I sigh happily as I nod to her.
'Sounds good. I am quite hungry.'

With a light clip, she returns to the table.

I am right by her side, balancing the trays of food effortlessly.

"So, you two can scout and do what you do, and tomorrow we'll find our bandits?"
She sits back down.

I sit down in sync.
"Sounds good. It'd be good if we can shut down the cause of the plague, otherwise me healing the people wouldn't do much good in the long run."

I hear it begin to rain. Just a light patter. I blink, looking out of the window. This one isn't on me.

Zack nods, and Leanna moves on.
"Alright. Anything else we should share?"

Droplets of rain begin to enter the building, and someone shuts the shutters. Seems natural, but a storm front. Tonight is going to be cold and wet.

I draw a hand to my chin and look up at the ceiling, staring through it. Did my renegade powers cause a shift in the atmosphere? Is this an aftermath of that, or would it have formed anyway? I usually take great care not to impact the natural balance too much. Perhaps I simply do not understand this world's meteorological properties? That would explain it, whether or not I am the cause...

A deeper analysis of this region's climate would solve this conundrum.

"Perhaps you should pack some denser clothing, Kara. Tonight is likely to be wet."
Amelia doesn't seem surprised that it's raining...

"Oh, wet is it?"

Amelia blinks.
"Yes, wet. If you remain out for too long, you will get wet from the rain."

I blink at Amelia.
"You don't seem surprised at this."

"Is this unclear to you?"

Kara snickers, and waves her off.
"Acceptable. Xerath, you are confused?"

"Just a bit wondering. You don't seem surprised at this stormfront suddenly arriving. Is that normal for your climate to change so suddenly?"

"Oh, that? I suppose there are more common things which can occur, but Stonecrest is certainly far enough north. I believe that this is the snowstorm that hit Grasvald a week ago. Quite a nasty blizzard for northern Krezimar this time of year."

"I see. Interesting."
I mutter to myself.
"But I should've noticed the airmass shifting... but on the other hand, I was rather distracted today..."

"I suppose you haven't yet gotten used to the climate changing with latitude."

I blink.
"Oh. Right. We are farther north than Bazada."

Leanna puts a hand on my shoulder.
"It's unlikely we'll be going much further north than this for now - it's thought that the Earth Temple would be centrally located."

I lean into her touch.
"Well, I'm just glad it's a natural occurrence, and not caused by my lapse of control earlier. I take great care not to impact the natural order more than I have to."

With everything needed said so far, Leanna digs in.

And so do I as well. I have a lot on my mind, and I don't want an unruly stomach to be one of them. Still, in that contest of strength, I held back, yet it was still a bit too much. People did seem quite surprised by the loud ringing of the bell. I'm sure Amelia noticed that as well. Now the question is, will she bring it up with me? Would I be ready to reveal my... the source of my strength to the others? Would they accept me as well?
I stare at my food as I eat methodically, periodically glancing at Amelia.

If she noticed, she continues to not broadcast that she did. My continued attention on her, however, is noticed, as she gazes back curiously.
"Do you wish to ask something of me?"

I sigh.
"I'm sorry. Not particularly."

If she won't bring it up, then I won't, either. But no, this would be suspicious to leave it at that, wouldn't it? And I did want to ask her something earlier.
"Actually, yes, there was something I wondered about. Is it really okay for you to be with us on this journey? Wouldn't you miss any... lectures in your curriculum?"

"That is not an issue. I packed forward study material. When I return, I will have done everything that would be asked of me."

"I see. That's good, then."
I smile at her.

As we eat, the rain slowly ramps up. And as the rain increases and dampens the air, I begin to smile to myself softly.
Soon enough, a quiet relaxation spreads throughout the group. Zack and Kara say their goodbyes and make their way to whichever location they intend to watch from.

"Take care, you two."
I am still worried.

"Of course."

"Kara, are you sure you don't need a cloak or anything in this downpour? You are quite lightly clothed for this weather."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want you to catch a cold or something. One can easily get sick if exposed to rain and chilly weather."

She thinks for a second.
"Oh, right, other people do that. I forgot."

I blink.
"'Other people'? Are you implying that you do not?"

"I am."
She shrugs.
"Never really got it myself."

"Huh. I see. You must have quite a strong immune system, then."
I shake my head.
"Well, if you say you're fine, then I'll trust your word. Just take care."

"Sure."
And they depart.

I pause and draw a hand to my chin, muttering to myself.
"Huh... odd..."

Leanna turns, stretching her back to the left.

My eyes and general attention are immediately drawn to her.
"Are you alright?"

"Just a bit tired."
She sighs in relaxation.

"Would you like to retire for today, then?"
I blink.
"Speaking of which, what are our lodgings for our stay here? I believe we wanted to work it out in the evening."

"Amelia, are you alright with opening the door for Kara when she gets back?"

Amelia nods.
"I doubt she could stay out long enough to reach past my time of rest."

"I could not find any rooms with more than two beds, and I'm not forcing anyone onto the floor, so I gave Zack his room key for when he returns. Xerath, your choice - you can take the other key to Zack's room I got, or room with me."

I glance at her, pondering. I still worry. What if my mutated side awakens tomorrow morning? I don't want to endanger her. But... if she's fine with me... and if it's with her... it might be fine.
"I'd rather say that the choice is yours. Are you comfortable with me?"
'Even in light of what I told you earlier?'

"'Yes. It's not a problem.'"
Her warm and welcoming voice soothes both my ears and my soul.
"And there are things I'd appreciate the chance to discuss with you."

I smile at her.
"Same here. Alright, then. I'll gladly share the room with you."

"Alright then."

"Is it that you two have this need to dance around every question the other asks, or is this some sort of game?"

I blink at Amelia.
"Huh? What do you mean?"

Leanna mirrors my sentiment, blinking at her.

The pink-haired girl in question looks between us.
"Each of you indicated that you found the arrangement of sharing a room acceptable and then passed the decision on to the other. What purpose does that serve? Check and recheck communications logic is hardly necessary for this task."

"Well, for Leanna, I'd assume that she wanted to leave the choice with me. As for me, I wanted to make sure that she is absolutely comfortable with me being in the same room as her."

"That makes some sense. So this is check recheck."

I nod.
"Technically yes."

"Interesting. Then:"
She stands.
"I would prefer a quieter place, and will retire. Goodnight."

Leanna smiles.
"Goodnight, Amelia. Good luck with your work."

I smile warmly at her.
"Good night, Amelia. I hope you had fun today."

She smiles slightly.
"The same."

And she leaves. Leanna yawns slightly, most cutely.
"Should we leave ourselves?"

"Cute."
I blink.
"Ahem. Yes. Sounds good."

I stand up in one smooth motion, then hold out my hand for her.

She takes it, even using it to pull herself up. I feel the gentle tug of her on me.
We then head upstairs. Leanna opens the door. Two beds are laid out for us, tidy and tight.

As the door closes and the lock clicks shut, I sigh in relaxation. I take off the armour plates and place them down, all with the flick of my wrist.

Leanna walks past me, sitting down on one bed.
"So. How did today go?"

As the armour floats down, I sit down on the other bed.
I smile widely at her.
"It went better than expected. I have something for you."

Surprise lights up her face.
"Oh? Something for me?"

I nod.
"Mhm. Close your eyes."

She does so, and when they do I can feel her light burn just that bit brighter, wafting off of her and into the air about her.
How peculiar.
I step over to her and pause in front of her. She looks so pure, so beautiful and awaiting. Her full lips just sit there... I could just steal a kiss...
I shake my head.
No, that is not what I wanted to give her. Instead, I pull out the locket and gently place it in her hands, then close them around it and give her fingers a soft kiss.
"I love you, Leanna."

As that lightstuff spins around upon my lips, she opens her eyes, looking at the 'locket'. She opens it, and smiles. Leaning forward, she gives me a hug.
"Thank you, Xerath."

I smile at her and return the hug.
"You are most welcome. I had hoped you'd like it. I won it specifically for you."

"Well, I appreciate it."
She looks me right in the eyes, as they glitter in all their million blues and silvers and golds.
"You are appreciated, Xerath."

My breath hitches as I am drawn into her eyes, my own gaze shimmering with affection and adoration. Maybe... if Leanna can appreciate me... then maybe my continued existence isn't that much of a mistake. Maybe it's fine.

After a moment, she leans back.
"But also, how did today go? Were you... okay, while I was gone? It might not have gone as planned, but... surely you had some parts of it not be about me."

When she leans back, I lean more into her.
"I missed you. I missed you a lot. But otherwise, it was quite enjoyable. I think I grew a bit closer to Amelia, and perhaps even Zack."

I smile.
"We went to the carnival, and we tried out a stand with dischargers. It was spectacular watching Amelia learn and adapt as quickly as she did. But unfortunately, she did not win a prize."

"Well, that makes sense. She hasn't had a chance to practice before."

"Yes. But still, the way she absorbed the knowledge, tackled the problem in front of her, and focused... it was great to watch."

"That sounds amazing."
When I lean into her, she puts her hands back around me, and slowly rubs my back.
"It's okay though, Xerath. So, what do you want in the coming days?"

My voice sounds dreamily at her divine touch.
"Krrr... just being together with you."

I shake my head back into focus.
"But wait, I was actually getting at something."

"Go on."

"When she focused, she drew upon the Force. It was minimal, and most likely the most she can do, but in her last shot - her first hit - she drew upon the Force. That's what impressed me so. And it..."
I scratch my cheek.
"It made me want to reward her. I wanted to give her something for her effort."

"Oh?"

"I..."
I smile flatly.
"I won a prize at the game for her."

"Interesting choice."

I nod.
"It took... quite some effort. But... I was... inspired by you. And I wanted to make Amelia happy. And make you proud. So..."

I scratch my cheek.
"I stepped over my shadow."

"A marksmanship game... with dischargers."
She smiles softly at me, and caresses my other cheek.
"You were brave today, then."

I lean into her touch readily, holding her hand closer with one of my own.
"I was, wasn't I? I... I want to be the best person I can be for you. All of you."

She flickers, echoing with that transcendental light she was giving off before, before becoming afraid and tapering it off. Her smile remains, however.
"For reference, Xerath, this is what I see in you. You have proven yourself very capable of change with the right reward scheme."

I sigh and caress her cheek as well.
"I'm glad you believe in me. You give me the strength to change - to heal. And I wish that one day, I'm healed enough that you do not need to be afraid of overwhelming me with your radiant and divine powers."

She gently runs her thumb over my cheek.

I lean my forehead against hers.
"As much as you hate to see me afraid of my own powers, as much do I hate to see you afraid of your own powers. But I understand better than anyone why you feel that way."

I place a soft kiss on her cute and dainty nose.
"Yet just because I understand it, doesn't mean I like it."

She giggles slightly at the sensation.

I breathe out in wonder and lean back enough to gaze into her eyes.
"You are so incredibly perfect in my eyes, my love."

As I make eye contact, I catch the shimmer within them, and have just enough time to realise that I'm going to be staring for some time. It's not a problem, just a fact. As her brilliantly shimmering eyes of care and love entice me to stare, and her oh so perfect scent fills the room and thus my nose, I inevitably draw closer to her. My goal is obviously this set of incredibly soft and delicious full lips of hers.

She blushes somewhat at my single-minded gaze, and leans in herself, and as our lips meet my brain turns to a fuzzy mush.
While unwilling to employ her aura, she has learned some while engaging with my frequent desire for physical intimacy, and gazes lovingly into my eyes while her lips slowly massage mine.

My arms snake around her as most of my higher cognitive functions devolve into making Leanna feel good. And her loving gaze draws me in ever more, which due to our position means I am leaning down ever more, pushing against her sitting form.

'You make sure to tell me what you need, Xerath. I'm not going to fling myself all around, but you can still ask for it... I think I've given you enough time to make a clear-headed decision about something like that.'

As her voice resounds in my mind, some focus returns to my thoughts.
'I need you, Leanna. But... what do you mean with flinging yourself all around?'

'My light... it's much, much more than I expected it was for you. I wanted to give you a chance to think about it, and then decide whether you appreciate it rather than just inflicting it upon you.'

I let up, leaning away from her.
"I see. I... don't want to worry you. And even if I hate that you have to restrain your light, I'm afraid I can't handle it. Even without using it, I'm completely wrapped around your finger. Even without it, your touch makes me think only about you."

She blushes deeply.

I trace a thumb over her incredibly soft lips, then let it gently run over her warming cheek.
"I love you so incredibly much, I do not know a word in any language that could come close to describe how much I love you, how much I yearn for you."

I lean closer again.
"I need you, Leanna. I love you."

She beams at me, taking a second. With a flick of wind magic, her armour comes away, leaving only the quilted padding beneath. Then, she embraces me, and I... feel... her... she is so beautifully built, so soft and delicate yet firm and powerful.

As she embraces me, I embrace her as well, smiling lovingly before our lips meet again. And this time, I do not hold back. At least not as much. I push her down onto the bed, into a more comfortable position for me, and probably also for her. Then I shower her with love and affection, sending her my emotions to let her feel how much I love her. All with the goal of making her feel as good as possible.
My arms wander on their own, wanting to explore more of her softness, her beautiful delicate yet firm and powerful form. Every single part of her is purely perfect, absolutely lovely, and deserves my love and attention.

In response to my use of emotion, she opens up slightly, and I feel the tentative licks of her heart through the reshaped channels that run along the surface of my being. Her eyes convey no surprise, horror, or anything any other person would show when Xerath Kallig backed them up against an unmoving surface. Leanna seems to be in her element in many ways, and after only a few queries about position - asking whether I'd be more comfortable beside her or with her lying on top of me- all concerns she had are assuaged.
Her own arms move about me, methodically targeting the parts of me that cry out the most for her touch.

But for now, I want to remain over her, pinning her down, yet also cradling her within my arms and really my entire presence.
"Mmh... Leanna..."

My lips are locked to hers, but my hands can roam. And that they do. Everything about her demeanour draws me in even further, reassuring my conscious and subconscious fears.

As we are locked in our love, my hands begin to unconsciously travel a bit farther down than they previously have.

"mmm...mmm!"
She removes one hand, and picks up my hand, replacing it somewhere more sensible.
'Bad Xerath. Not there yet.'

Once more, her voice brings focus to my mushy thoughts, and I pull back, worriedly.
"Oh no... I'm sorry, Leanna. I- I didn't want to make you uncomfortable..."

"It's okay... just try to pay attention please."

I sit back up fully, frowning sadly.
"I'm sorry... I... I shouldn't have..."

I sigh.
"When I'm with you like this, it's... weird. Like I simultaneously am way too focused but also not focused at all. I should've known you wouldn't like that. And my only thoughts right now were even to make you happy. So why did I have to ruin it again? Stupid!"
I hit my head with my fist. Hard. The sound of the impact echoes throughout the room.

"Xerath, you don't need to punish yourself."

"Argh, I'm sorry..."
I phase over to sit on my bed instead, sighing heavily.
"I'm sorry I can't respect you properly. I'm sorry I'm like this."

I then flinch.
"Ah, no, Thymia told me to stop apologising for that. I'm sorry."

She gets up herself, stepping across the room to place a hand on my shoulder.
"It's alright."

I look up at her.
"Really? But... you deserve better. You deserve to be treated with all the respect one can muster. You deserve to be cherished like the most precious treasure."

My gaze flickers down.
"Are you really sure that I'm fit for that...?"

"Didn't we agree that I can decide what I feel I deserve?"

I sigh again.
"Yes, we did... But still..."

I look back up at her, primal fear shining in my eyes.
"Am I really good enough for you? I... Even when I'm like this? Even when I ruin just about every tender moment we have? Am I... am I really the one you want to be with?"

"That's what we're trying to find out. We're both learning how this works."
She smiles softly, patiently.
"Maybe I'm better at not accidentally crossing physical boundaries, but I just learned I was crossing a mental one without thinking, didn't I?"

I blink, confused.
"Huh? Which boundary would you have crossed?"

"Light, Xerath."

I blink in understanding.
"Ah. No, I don't think so. That wasn't your fault. It's more like... you are so darn perfect, that I want to experience every part of your body. Every single part of you is perfect and lovely, and I want to shower it with the attention and love it deserves."

I droop my head.
"But it seems in my quest to do that, I've gone too far. I'm so sorry..."

"But then I don't want that. And you have to remind yourself that just because I feel nice doesn't mean I'm asking to be honoured in this way."

I grip my head, which is starting to develop a dull ache.
"I know! But it's... it's so hard to resist the temptation, Leanna. We are alone in a locked room, your scent is riling me up, and your touch kicks my bloodflow into overdrive. I try to be as tame as possible when my instincts scream at me to push you onto the bed and devour you."

She looks me in the eyes.
"Xerath, if it really bothers you that much that these instincts cause you to lose control, can't you change them? Or are they too similar to how you were before?"

I look back at her.
"They are... part of my being. A part of who I am, for better or worse. And given how... fickle my current being is, I cannot fathom what such an extensive change could mean for me."

She sighs, and cups my cheeks.
"I figured. I just wanted to remind you in case you forgot. You do have a habit of forgetting things to do with behaviours around me, after all."

I avert my gaze.
"But what does it say about me when I know you had some negative past experience in this regard, and despite trying to cherish and value you I constantly overstep a boundary or two? Am I not constantly hurting you with that?"

"That you need help?"

I curl up into myself, creating an unnaturally good ball.
"I know. I'm so pathetic. I'm such a bother... I'm sorry, Leanna... I want to make you happy, yet I only give you trouble and problems..."

"Xerath."
Her voice is soft and warm, yet also firm.
"Look at me, Xerath."

My eyes poke out from the ball, so I can look at her.

"What do you think of when I say you need help?"

"...my mental state."

Her eyes shine intently in the dim lighting of the room.
"What I think of is that you need my help. When I say you need help, I mean also that you should get it."

I uncurl fully and gulp.
"So... despite all this... you still want to help me?"

"What do you mean 'despite'? I only want to help you because you need helping. If you didn't need it, our relationship wouldn't involve you needing help."

"So, once I no longer need help, you would leave me?"
The primal fear from earlier shines through again.

"No!?"
She recoils in a moment of shock, then leans forward again, speaking softly.
"Xerath, when the project is done, what's left?"

"A healed mindspace, hopefully..."

"A person with all the good I wanted to help him for, and none of the problems that meant he needed help."

I blink, and the fear subsides.
"A person you would love fully."

"What could make you think I'm some kind of professional love doctor, who only cares about you as a means to an end to make you whole only to abandon you once the job is done?"

I close my eyes and smile sadly, breathing out a huff.
"Hm. A crippling lack of self-worth, it seems. And the existential fear of losing you. I'm sorry..."

"You don't have to be sorry about that, Xerath."
She scratches my head.

"I'm sorry. Argh! I mean, I'm sorry I cause you so many problems."
I lean into her, clinging onto her.
"I love you, and I want to make you happy."

I feel the scratching on my head increase.
"And that's perfectly fine."

"Krrrrr..."
I look up at her, hurt and desperation shimmering in my hazel eyes.
"Then why am always making things worse? Why am I constantly making problems for you?"

"I think it's because you don't know how. You don't exactly have a lot of practice, and most of the easy solutions aren't desirable for their own reasons."

"I suppose... But even so, I hate to hurt you, and I constantly hurt you..."
I avert my eyes.
"I'm so useless..."

She gives my cheek a gentle smack. Looking back in her direction reveals a frowning face, at the sight of which I have to blink.

"Xerath, you are not useless, and neither is utility a good measure of a person. What is a person even useful for?"

"I want to make you happy, and your frown right now is just further proof that I constantly fail at that. I fail at my highest goal."
Tears well up in my eyes.
"Why do I have to hurt you?"

She hugs me, warmth spreading over me.

I cling to her tightly.
"I want to do better by you. But I... I... I just seem to can't. And I hate it! I hate myself for it!"
Tears spill over.

"Xerath, you're safe here. I do not expect perfection from you. Not now, and not for a while yet."
I hear her slow, calming breaths beside my ear.
"Just... it's alright. You've done things you shouldn't, but you just have to do better, eventually. That will be worth it."

"B-but... I expect perfection from myself. Everyone else expects perfection from me. And most importantly, I want to feel worthy to stand at your side. I... I try to do better... but I always fall back."
I hug her tightly as tears stream down my cheeks, and I gaze up at her with shimmering eyes.
"I can't go on like this. It destroys me to be the cause of your pain."

"With me, you're safe. You don't have to transform at the drop of a hat from someone who learned to kill and used that knowledge into a pure and virtuous paragon of all that's good. That would be terribly unrealistic."

I chuckle darkly, mirthlessly.
"My entire rise to power could be considered terribly unrealistic."

"The world has, again and again, demanded unrealistic things from you Xerath. I refuse to."
A hand trails down my spine, and she whispers in my ear.
"I would much prefer it if you remained just a bit off-kilter even after you were mended, because then I'd know I was getting the real thing."

Her touch and breath send shivers down my spine and cause the muscles in my arms to lock up and spasm slightly. My breath hitches in my throat and my cheeks flush.
"A-ah haaa..."

"I don't want to see you perfect, I want to see you mended, Xerath."
Her voice is quiet, yet it rings in my ear.
"If I hear the confidence in your voice, but it's only for show and the real you is shaking in your boots, then I've accomplished nothing of value."

"I... I..."
Words fail me as I am once more abashed by her care and concern for me. My mouth opens and closes uselessly, however, my tears dry up.
I take a few deep breaths and close my eyes, trying to calm my fried nerves. After a moment, I open my eyes again, and they seem... more collected. If she looks closely, fear is still there, but it's not so prominent anymore.
"...Thank you, Leanna. I... I'll try my best to... keep that in mind. I would... like to be better. And if you... if you really do not need me to be perfect... then... is it okay if... no, it would never be okay..."

I shake my head.
"But would you be forgiving... if I would... continue to hurt you like this?"

"Change is expected, eventually. Love and support must come first."

I take another deep breath.
"So... are you okay? Even if... even if I hurt you? Are... are we okay? Are we going to be okay?"

She leans back outward, smiling as warmly as the desert sun in the morning.
Dawn. The time on Tatooine when it was neither blazingly hot nor freezingly cold.

Despite the situation, I can't help but smile and chuckle softly. She truly lives up to her name. She truly is the Dawn in my life.

She notices the change in my expression and searches my eyes.
"Xerath, how do you feel? Do you think you'll be able to heal?"

I sigh, my smile quickly dims and the laughter silences.
"With you... I believe the chance exists. If anything can heal me, it will be you. You are my radiant dawn, after all. I... cannot endure much more, I'm afraid... and if these ups and downs continue, my time may be even shorter still... but regardless, I am glad I was able to see your light. I'm glad I have you at my side to illuminate my darkness."

I hug her close.
"But you know... I thought I had become a master of fear, after I faced my own and defeated the Dread Masters. I even absorbed them and their powers. But it would seem that I'm wrong. Because in the same margin that my love for you continues to grow, my fear of losing you also grows. I'm not even as afraid of my end anymore, as I am afraid of leaving you behind, hurting."

Her brow furrows in some worry and sadness.
"Well, I'm not exactly sure how to assuage such a doubt, but right now... what do you need?"

I shrug helplessly.
"I wish I knew, Leanna. I just... I don't worry about your safety that much. I believe myself capable enough to defend you from harm. And in case I'm not, there's nothing either of us could do about it. No, I'm afraid that I would drive you away by constantly hurting you with my behaviour, that you someday wake up and see me how I see myself. That you someday wake up and have enough of my constant breakdowns. I... I need you at my side, Leanna. And... I think... I need the assertion of you to stay there... no matter what. A... a vow, if you will. But also, I know that this is not possible right now due to a lot of other... reasons."
I sigh deeply and run a hand through my hair.

"Tell me Xerath. Do your worlds have butterflies?"

I blink.
"Butter... flies? I'm not sure?"

"I'll picture one, okay? You've probably seen at least one while you've been here, but they aren't big or important, just pretty."

"Well, I've noticed a lot of your local flora and fauna. I just don't know your names for most of them."

She closes her eyes, and I feel an image of something come into her head. A small, insectoid creature fluttering in the breeze with its large, colourful wings.

I nod.
"Yeah, I've seen them around. And while we don't have the same exact animals in my galaxy, some terrestrial worlds have some similar species. I've seen something resembling them on Alderaan, for example."

I draw a hand to my chin.
"Some wonder if they might be related to the Killiks."

"Do you know where they come from, Xerath? We didn't for some time, so don't feel bad if you don't after seeing them for a few days only."

I blink at her.
"What do you mean 'where they come from'?"

"How do butterflies come to be?"

I cock my head.
"Through reproduction?"

She smirks.
"Not quite that simple. You see, when butterflies reproduce they make something distinctly not a butterfly, even if it shares their lineage."

"Does that have to do with the worm-like creatures that have a similar genetic makeup?"

She pictures another creature - a small, fuzzy worm-looking thing eating a leaf.
"These are called caterpillars, and their existence is spent eating and eating for the weeks or month that make up their existence. Caterpillars get fat. It's what they do. Until they get fat enough, having stored the energy needed to do something remarkable."

She pictures something that looks like a webbing predator has trapped a caterpillar. The long wormlike creature hangs from a small branch in a... what even is that? Some kind of cocoon?
"And they use that energy to transform."

Days pass, weeks, with no evidence of external change, but then something breaks free. A butterfly, its wings soaked with some fluid and completely unusable.

I close my eyes and smile, understanding warming my face.
"I see."

"And what happens within that chrysalis of change? The caterpillar dissolves - everything but the basics breaks down. The tools it needed to survive and grow once are abandoned for new tools in a new world of bright possibilities and clear skies. The butterfly is one of the most amazing creatures on Terra."

My smile dims.
"I understand what you're getting at. You compare me to these caterpillars - unrelated to the insectoid heritage - and are certain I can become a beautiful butterfly in time."

I glance down at my hands and my smile drops.
"And while I would like that... while I would love to see in myself what you seem to see, I want to change without abandoning who I am as a person. I'm... myself. The good and the bad. You told me so."

"Has what the butterfly is changed?"
She shakes her head.
"It still did everything. But now it is no longer weighed down like it was. Now it can do anything."

"Genetically, not terribly much. But then your words of 'abandoning the old tools' don't match so much, I think?"
Power surges within me as I clench my fist.
"I can already do anything."

"Can you not be weighed down by what you can do? And have done?"

"..."
I unclench my fist, the power fizzling out.
"...I could. But I refuse to go that path."

"So, not in the way I am asking then."
She hugs me, and her warmth settles around me like a blanket.

"No, not in that way."
I accept her embrace, folding into and around her.

A light kiss is placed upon my brow, just another immaculate feeling to add to my endlessly expanding love.

"Mhm..."
I nestle into her, gleaming up at her with shimmering eyes.
"I love you, Leanna. And I'm incredibly thankful to have you in my life, to have you at my side."

Her eyes glitter back… perhaps from the bits of moisture collecting at their edges.
"You are always welcome, Xerath."

I blink at that and reach out a gentle finger to wipe at her eyes.
"Are you... about to cry, my love?"

She blinks, and moves to blink back the tears for a second, but then makes a different decision.
Leanna surges forward, toppling me onto the bed with a passionate kiss, and I feel slow tears roll down her face and onto mine.

I am completely stumped by this action, and don't know how to react to her sudden move. I wrap one arm around her waist while the other hand cups her cheek. My face, however, is frozen in shocked surprise. My mind cannot quite comprehend what just happened. Leanna is crying, but she's also kissing me fiercely, with more passion than I have known from her so far, which would be enough to melt my mind twice over. But she's also crying. Why is she crying? Did I do something wrong? Is she in pain? Is she happy? What is going on?
While still heavily restrained, I see the fire in her rise higher and hotter than it ever has before. It's taking a lot of effort to keep it inside while also lavishing me with this kind of passion. It is… definitely the most physically intimate she has been with me, even if other experiences felt better.

While my mind freezes over in worry and wonder, my body reacts to her, matching her passion and intimacy eagerly.
Still, I call out to her in surprise.
'L-Leanna? W-what's going o-on?'

She pulls back, sits up on my chest, and places a hand on her heart.
"…phew…"

Her eyes still glitter, but she's smiling like a star, and her soul is so tantalizingly bright beyond my reach.
"I…I'm sorry. If I surprised you."

I blink at her, still not fully grasping what just happened.

"I just… it felt like what I was supposed to do just then. Do you… get that?"
She lets out another breath.
"In case it's not clear… I really do appreciate what you do. I like you, Xerath."

I look at her flatly.
"I doubt you'd do that to someone you don't like."

Then, it changes to disbelief.
"But... you appreciate what I do? Even when I hurt you? You like me even when I'm a burden?"

She leans back down, her mouth coming to rest by my ear, and she whispers a word.
"Yes."

Her breath and soft voice send shivers down my spine.
"And... you are comfortable enough to kiss me like that..."
That was not a question. It was a realisation. A glint lights up in my eyes, almost feral, and my lips form a smirk, before I pull her in for another round.

She smiles brightly.
"Any requests in particular? Because… I know what I want."

"Then how about you show me that?"
I gaze deep into her eyes.
"Make sure I understand properly, so that I won't forget."

I draw closer to her face.
"I'm ready for you, this time."

Her eyes shimmer, almost seeming to glow with their hypnotic light.
"Okay."

She leans in, and I'm feeling the deep, luxurious pressure of her body atop me, and then her lips make contact.
There is a life, an ecstatic will to the feeling as her hair falls all around my face that ensures all I can see is her. Not that anything else could even hope to captivate my senses and attention like her, anyway.

Her hands draw across my sides, my arms, feeling through clothing both clear skin and dense scarring, fingering the sharp divides between them and giving both equal attention. Her lips move slightly with every moment, face changing the angle of attack upon a sealed but hungry mouth. Her light makes it in where it can, stretching gently across me where we touch and setting my being ablaze… and when it pauses, restraining itself, it feels pressured. Like it has grown so much that without being allowed to roam a little its cage is starting to become too small.

Noticing that, feelings of self-loathing begin to set in again. I hate myself for having her restrain herself like that. But I am afraid of what it will do to me when she doesn't.
Yet before I can think about this for more than a fraction of a second, her loving caress swipes away all negative emotions in a tidal wave of bliss.

Is it dangerously repressed just yet? Hard to say… but eventually it might be. It's irrelevant, because for now, this is enough roaming.
Feeling that spark of loving belonging trail along the path of her fingers… it's a glorious experience for me, and more than enough for her.
One of her hands moves back, taking mine and lacing fingers together.

That, too, is then more than enough to reassure me and soothe my fears.
I gladly accept our intertwined fingers as I pull her as close to me as possible, my lips hungrily meeting hers.

'Don't worry, Xerath… you're doing fine. And fine is good enough for me.'
Slowly, carefully, the kiss begins to burn. Light trickles out through the point of contact in small drops. It burns with her perfect fire, all glorious and addicting, increasing ever so slowly and gently.

While her powers of love pour into me, my own rise as well. I want her to experience at least a fraction of the bliss I feel as well.

I don't get much of a response from her - except for how she squeezes my hand more tightly.

And as our kiss continues to deepen, my hand on her back begins to roam again, but staying clear of the offending area.
'I love you, Leanna. I love you.'

With this assault on all my senses from her, it isn't long before my body reacts again.
"Mhm!"
'Leanna!'

'You okay?'

With a surge of strength, I revert our positions, rolling her onto the bed, and leaning over her.
'You are... once more... more perfect than... my body can handle. I love you.'

She blushes up at me, before taking her free hand and trailing a spark of lightning down my spine bright enough that my back arches slightly.

"Ahhm...!"
I breathe out in satisfaction, before renewing our kiss. This time, I am on the offence, pressing into her closely. Absentmindedly I clear the stain, so she won't feel the wetness, as that area of me also seeks out closeness to her.

She is squished between the bed and me, but expresses no discomfort. For me, my weight being pulled down towards her makes it even more lovely - everything about her is pressed deeply into me, and I can feel every little move she makes with a deep, desperate attention. Every time her… her chest… slips along mine it makes me fall in love all over again.
Her passion matches my ferocity at every turn, dripping with love and glorious magic.

While her gambeson restrains her... chest... less than the armour, it still restrains her more than the dress. Oh, her dress... But even now she is so incredibly perfect. How did I live without her for so long? How can I not love her with every fibre of my being? How could my body not react to this extreme pleasure?
I groan against her lips as our new position, and her positive reaction to it, riles me up again, perhaps even more so.

Leanna… from what I've seen, she likes being on top. It's the position she chooses practically every time. But she is comfortable with other positions as well.

After yet another release, my pressure against her eases, and I almost slump into her. I have to break our intense and intimate kiss, spent.
I am... out of breath. Well, at least somewhat. Something which hasn't happened since my mutation. I gaze at Leanna with wonder, admiration and pure, unbridled love.
"I love you... Leanna."

She smiles up at me, and cups a cheek in one hand. Her thumb traces across, reaching up to scratch behind the ear.
"How did that feel?"

I lean into her hand.
"I... I'm not sure I know words sufficient enough to express the sheer amount of divine bliss I experienced. You are simply amazing, Leanna. You are perfect."

I blush at her, deeply. I also remember to clear my undergarments again.
"And... I think the fact that I... uhm.. just... released... twice in a row... from 'just' a kiss... is rather telling in how incredibly good this felt for me, no?"

She looks away, majorly flustered.

I understand. And although I'd like her to look at me, I change the topic. At least a bit.
"And, uhm... I noticed that it seems to be your preference... to be on top of me?"

She looks back.
"You noticed, then?"

She smiles shakily.
"I guess I'm not the type to sit back and just accept things."

I nod, just as shakily.
"Well, it happens to be my preference as well, so that might could be... interesting... in the future. Though given that we both also seem comfortable on... not the top... I think we should be just fine. And... I assumed it also came to be your preference to assure me that this is really what you want? That is at least an impression I got..."

"Somewhat. In general, there's a lot of people that assume I don't really want something unless I go into it with a lot of enthusiasm - more than would be the threshold for another, let's say."

I blink at her, a bit confused. Maybe my mind is just a bit slow to follow right now, after the flood of pleasure.

"Certain people would like to believe I was forced into knighthood by my parents against my will."

I blink again, then frown.
"What?"

"After all, what kind of lady would accept participating in such an activity? So unbecoming of her… I must save her from having to do it!"
She puts a hand to her forehead dramatically.

I hug her. A soft kiss lands atop the hand on her forehead, then another one on her forehead.

She laughs musically.

"I can acknowledge the worry about you. I understand that feeling intimately, after all. But I don't appreciate it."
I then blink, as in a moment of clarity, I recall a memory of a few days ago.
"Wait... Am I perhaps... just like that? Assuming someone needs my help and then acting upon that assumption?"

She quirks a smile.
"Perhaps."

"You know, a few days ago, in Illumia, I made the acquaintance of a consort. As I learned that that was her profession, my next thought was if she was doing that work voluntarily. As you see, in my galaxy, that is generally not the case, as far as I'm aware."

"They… aren't always free here either, but they aren't always forced. It's interesting you were able to find one, though - I wonder if something changed in Illumia while I was out…"

I tilt my head at her.
"How so?"

"Illumia is the jewel of Havengarde - a city of the future, right? A lot of nobles in particular don't like it when… certain types of people they consider dirty get to exist visibly near their big monuments."
She frowns.
"Or rather, monuments they pretend are theirs."

I frown as well, then shrug.
"Well, if it helps anything, I thought she was a noblewoman at first, based on her fine clothing. That's why I approached her in the first place, I thought she might know something about Embermyst."

I then snuggle into her.
"But yeah, my first thought after learning her profession was if she needs my help."

I blush a bit.
"She then, uhm... reassured me that she did that job quite voluntarily. Yet I couldn't help but worry, so I gave her a token of my power, so she could call upon me if she ever finds herself in need to do so. Your statement just now makes me believe that was the right call."

"How is that profession treated in your galaxy?"

I think back.
"Well... I'm not too familiar with the red-light sector, to be honest. You might imagine why. I don't know how the profession itself is treated, but I do know that a large portion of the people working in this field are either slaves or otherwise 'convinced' to work there. Rare are the people who willingly do that. At least as far as I know."

"Well, if you treat them badly there's no wonder there are so few."

I ponder a bit more.
"But it also depends alot on the place. The Republic has different laws than the Empire, for example. And the Hutts do whatever they want, too. So it's not an easy question to answer, but I believe that generally, it's not really the safest line of work, for a variety of reasons."

"Hmm..."
She thinks for a bit, but doesn't end up saying anything.

I trail a hand through her silky hair.
"What goes through that pretty head of yours, my love? If you're worried that I took the consort lady up on her offer to 'thank' me, then I can reassure you that I did not. I'm only interested in you."

"I'm... not quite sure. How do you think these people should be treated?"

I tilt my head.
"With respect. Like every person should be."

"Mmm..."
She trails off.

I sit up to look at her properly. Her and her beautifully sprawled-out hair which I comb through.
"I'm starting to worry. You seem to have a lot on your mind."

"I guess, but I'm not sure what to say about most of it."

I plant a soft kiss on her forehead.
"I know that feeling all too well. You can just try to find the words that come closest to express your thoughts and emotions on this topic."

She smiles up at me. Then, she looks about.
"Soooo... what should we do now..."

I kiss her nose.
"Alright, I acknowledge your rather obvious attempt to change the topic. Just for future reference, does it make you uncomfortable?"

"No? I mean, I don't think so..."
She reaches up, scratching my head.

"Krrr..."
I lean into her touch.
"It's just that you getting lost in thought like that seems a bit unusual to me, so it has me worried that it makes you uncomfortable, or that I said something wrong, you know?"

She focuses her thoughtful eyes on me.
"I've just... had a lot of reasons to think lately. A lot of different ones."

I smile flatly.
"I wonder why."

"Some of it is you, and things you've caused, but we've got some other stuff mixed in as well..."
Her gaze seems to drift about again.
"I've never really had a chance to just think while on a mission, not really. Academy keeps me busy."

I caress her face with one hand, and bring our still interlinked hands up to kiss her fingers.
"I understand that quite well."

I feel the slight bloom of love from the touch when I do.

"I hope something good comes out of it - I could stand to have a good idea or two."

I kiss her forehead again, before going back to lavish her hand with affection.
"It's you we're talking about, so as far as I'm concerned, just about every idea of yours is good."

Then I clear my throat.
"Ahem. Or rather, to clarify, maybe not every idea you have is practical, but every thought you have is most certainly appreciated."

She smirks.
"I suppose if I left you to your own devices you'd come up with ideas like 'let's kiss her hand more'."

I blush a bit.
"Do you not like it? Your hand is just so dainty and lovely, and your skin is so smooth, and never mind the warmth of love radiating off it with every brush of my lips..."

Her smirk melts into a soft smile.
"I don't mind, Xerath."

I breathe a sigh of relief.
"Okay, good."

I regard her with a somewhat shy glance.
"Or could it be that the rest of you feels neglected?"

She smirks mischievously.
"In fact..."
Her index finger moves slightly, brushing past my lips and into my mouth.

My eyes widen, and there is a glint in them. My teeth move to chomp down, but at the last moment, I am able to stop myself.
"L-Leanna!"

She pulls back, worried.
"Was that too much? Did I do something wrong?"

I jump back from her, surprised and horrified.
"N-no, you di-didn't... but... instinct..."

I close my eyes and gulp.
"I... I almost bit off your finger..."

She looks at the finger for a moment, confirming that it is still there, before she approaches again.
"...oh."
She places a hand on my shoulder.

I am shaking, but don't move away from her.
"I... I'm so terrified to hurt you, Leanna..."

She is still, for a little while, hand remaining on my shoulder.

My eyes dart to her hand, making sure the finger is still attached, and then to her face and eyes, searching for signs of fear and horror, finding neither.

Eventually, she speaks.
"Xerath, that was an instinct, right?"

I nod.
"Yes."

"So, can you tell me how it works?"

"I... I think it was that something entered my mouth. The instinct recognized it as food..."

"Okay. Do you think the instinct is safe to remove?"

"I... I'm not sure... It's linked to my digestive system, I believe."
I close my eyes, analysing what exactly just happened. Leanna's finger got recognised as food, so my teeth snapped shut. This is, most likely, because I am able to consume humanoid parts as well as any other form of flesh, or just matter in general. I have in the past, too. It never came up before, never did something enter my mouth that was not food, so it never was a problem. But now...
If our relationship is going to continue to grow, and get more intimate, there might be some... parts... of her, that would enter my mouth. Maybe...
"This is simply my eating instinct. Something entered my mouth, and since everything that has gone into my mouth so far has been food, this instinct recognised it as food and reacted accordingly. But... I shouldn't remove this instinct, though maybe I can adjust it. Let me try something."

Maybe I can adjust this instinct, giving it the information that Leanna is not food. Yes, that should work... now only to find... ah, there! I find the instinct in question and add the relevant information. This instinct should no longer trigger for Leanna.
I open my eyes again and smile shakily at her.

She regards me with concern and curiosity.
"How is it?"

"I have edited the instinct. You should no longer be recognised as food."

"Okay. Would you like to try it again?"

I shrug, blushing a bit.
"I am rather confident that this edit works as intended, but I am honestly not quite sure why you wanted to put your finger into my mouth in the first place."

"I think a demonstration will help you understand then."

I just tilt my head at her questioningly, then nod slightly.

Gently, the hand is moved, cupping a cheek. Then, an index finger slips inside. It glows there, radiating bright love all about.

My eyes widen a bit. I make sure to keep my sharp teeth away from her delicate skin. And now that my instincts don't want to chomp down and digest her finger, there is something else I feel like I want to do. As the bright love fills my mouth, I want more of it. And so, I try to suck it out of her finger. Just as she smells of love, she tastes of it too, feels of it... this little thing is so nice...
My lips fold around her finger, and my arms hug her closer to me. But with these motions, saliva pools in my mouth, coming into contact with her digit.

She recoils from the acidic liquid burning at her skin.
"Ouch!"

"Oh! I'm sorry! Here, let me clean that..."
I remove the offending substance and heal the minimal damage it caused.

She peeks curiously at her finger.
"What was that?"

"My saliva. Like just about every liquid in my body, it is acidic to some capacity."

"Oh. That might be a problem, then..."

"Hold on. I thought about this before, and I would've needed to do it at some point anyways, so I might as well do it now."

She adorably tilts her head.
"Do what?"

"Remove the acidic capacity of my saliva."
And while I'm at it, also the acidic properties of all other bodily fluids that do not need them, like my... of that which stains my undergarments.

"Why haven't you done so before? Before meeting me, I mean."

"There was no need to. Sure, it takes more consideration, but just like with my density, I can just increase the durability of the objects I use to circumvent the issue."
I look at her with tinged cheeks.
"That wasn't an option now, however, and neither is missing out on this sensation. Hence I fixed the issue. So, if you'd like, we could continue..."

"Sure."
With a warm smile, she approaches me once more, gently slipping her finger into my mouth.

And once more, warmth and love slowly spread across my mouth, and I eagerly try to get more out of it. And this time, the approaching liquid does not burn her.

"You seem like you're appreciating it, Xerath."
She giggles happily. Light continues to slowly coil about, wrapping around my tongue and setting the senses in my mouth aflame.

I close my eyes, focusing my senses on this radiant bliss, while her musical giggles sound like soft bells within my ears.
I sigh contently in response, opening my eyes to smile at her.
"Mhm."
'I appreciate you. It's... it's... simply wonderful.'

She smiles at me, slowly and deliberately massaging my back - seeking out points of stress and moving into them with soft touches and little tracers of light. All the while, I continue to bask in the love I can access here...
I'd close my eyes again, but hers are looking into mine, shimmering with all their life and beauty. I can't look away. They're too beautiful, too mesmerizing...
So all I can do is flush, staring at her perfection, gazing deeply into her deep blues, while I continue to suck on the love and light pouring into my mouth.
"Mmh..."

With this how it is... I can't help but imagine what it might be like to... to...
I blush fiercely.
...to really kiss her, to take her tongue into my mouth... how would that taste? How would that feel?
...ohhhh, I want that... but she has been fairly clear on how she kisses for now. This... whatever this is... is a most generous gift, much like everything she does. It would not do to try and impose the next step. ...because... wouldn't that be like saying this gift wasn't good enough?
But... I am a greedy man, it seems. Always wanting more. She is already so good to me, giving me so much - more than I could ever hope and dream for... yet I still want more.
Yet as always, her wishes come first. I am not a patient man, but for her... I will wait. She is worth the wait. I just wonder if I will have the time... No, I will have the time, even if I have to carve it out. I will not fall before I can fully experience the things my love has to offer.
This internal debate is reflected in my eyes, as they first shine with wonder and arousal, then with worry and a bit of loathing, and then with dedication and devotion.

She watches me, and when I settle she smiles brightly - and for a moment she is enveloped in her nimbus of light. Then she panics for a second, and it shuts back off.

I frown and remove her finger from my mouth. I glance down.
"I'm sorry..."

"Shh."
She shakes her head.
"It's not your fault you're that sensitive to it."

She hugs me again.

I lean into her, holding her close.
"Maybe not, but unlike mine, your powers are such an incredible gift. To see you afraid of them hurts me. To see you afraid of yourself hurts me. And to know that I'm the cause of all of this hurts me even more..."

She averts her face.
"I don't want you to feel poisoned by me..."

I gently cup her chin and turn her head back to me.
"I do not feel poisoned by you. Not in the slightest."

"Not even a little?"

My eyes shine with devotion and earnest admiration.
"Not even a little. You are the greatest and most positive presence in my life. I am incredibly glad that I have met you. I love you. All of you. To me, you are perfect, Leanna."

Her voice is small.
"...you're still afraid though..."

I sigh.
"That is correct. I am afraid. I'm afraid of many things. Chief among them is losing you in any meaning of the word. But in regard to your powers in particular... I'm afraid of being changed by it against my will. I'm afraid of being weakened in ways that are way too similar to things that have already happened to me. But not once did I consider your powers as poison to me. It's more like..."

I ponder my words for a moment.
"It's more like my mind is darkness, and your power is light. If there is too much light, there's no more room for darkness. It's overwhelming me. However, I do hope that one day, my mind is stable enough, that my powers are strong enough, so that I can accept your light without fear. That I can accept your power without losing myself in the process."

"...okay."
Her smile returns. Worth.

I return her smile.
"I love you, Leanna."

"Let's get some rest. We have things to do tomorrow."

I nestle into her.
"Indeed we do."

Then I look up at her.
"But I'm also curious. How was your meeting with your dear friend?"

I glance away.
"...Aside from my interruptions..."

She brushes a hand through my hair.
"Xerath, helping you was not the bother you seem to think it was. But to your question: Katarina was lovely, and surprisingly enough as scandalous as she has ever been in her own way."

She smirks.
"I guess we share that rebellious energy."

I relax and smile softly at her, giving a soft kiss on her cheek.
"I'm very glad to hear that. You do have a very righteous drive, and it's one of the countless parts of you that I admire. I'd love to meet her myself someday. I'm certain that a friend of yours would be a friend of mine as well."

She giggles most melodically and cutely.
"Perhaps she would be."

Then she grows more contemplative.
"Though… Xerath, you seem to be considerably more relaxed around me than you normally are, right? So, do you otherwise have trouble sleeping?"

I blink, a bit surprised by the shift in topic.
"Not particularly. I've learned to sleep anywhere."

"I've noticed that you're always extremely still when you sleep - as if you're paralyzed. It's hard to tell if you're even breathing."

I blink again.
"Ah. That. Well, I usually shut my mind down these days. Y'know, to repair."

I draw a hand to my chin.
"But even before that, I guess I slept rather... still. Helps not drawing attention in the wilderness. Predators tend to ignore you if they think you're dead."

"Alright. Thank you."

I blink once more.
"Huh? For what?"

She smiles.
"Answering my question."

I tilt my head.
"It is only natural, isn't it?"

"A lot of things are natural, and yet we thank people for them."

"Hmm..."
I hum in thought, then ultimately shrug.
"I guess."

I snuggle into her again.
"At any rate, I'm a light sleeper, usually awoken by the slightest trace of foreign beings within my threatened space. But with you, I feel... more at ease. At peace, even. I feel safe with you, my dear. I suppose that's why I seem more relaxed like that. I'm so incredibly thankful for you..."

I draw her in and lean my face closer to her, my voice just a hot breath tingling her skin.
"May I show you a fraction of my love for you?"

She leans in as well, the warmth in her soul rolling over me.
"If you like."

"I would like very much..."
And I close our distance, capturing her lips with my own. And further, I do what I said, and project a small part of my love for her towards her. Just enough that she can feel it through her still unattuned senses.

We connect, and I feel that gentle, ecstatic, yet forceful pressure against my lips, as little prods of luminous energy play across my skin. She breathes in through her nose, and the light withdraws, and then she breathes out and it surges, lapping at me like the tide and dissolving unhappiness as easily as if it were a sand castle.

And just like sand, I drink up her light eagerly, for there is a lot of unhappiness that needs to be toppled.
Eventually, the sand castle collapses entirely - at the back of my mind I know it will be rebuilt later, but I can't bring myself to care - and I stand up in its ruins. A dreamscape stretches out before me- of an idyllic beach, and the ocean. Calm, gentle waves lap at my feet - it's the perfect weather to swim. The sky is clear and the sun warm.

If only the sand wasn't there. If I venture too deep, I'll drown, but a swim should be fine… as long as I know how to swim.
It may not be expected from a man of the desert, but it was one of the things I learned throughout my life. Especially after drowning on Manaan. That experience in particular left me wary of great bodies of water. Nevermind my distaste of sand. But in this dreamscape, everything feels so much... better. The sand feels soft, not at all irritating, and the water seems enticing and beckoning. Welcoming, not at all scary.

So, I step out. The water is light, warm, and everywhere it touches feels cleaner… like washing off decades of dirt and grime that no soap I could find could lift off. It washes off even the filth my disintegration couldn't reach.
I worry about dirtying the ocean… but it just seems so big. So grand and beautiful. All the fish that swim there.
A step deeper, and I begin to float. The tide carries me out to sea, but not so far that I couldn't return to land. And I swim.
The water splashes against my face - seas are supposed to be salty, right? Why is this one so sweet and fruity?
I feel… welcome here. A few little fish slip by my feet, and I feel that I belong in this place as much as they do, even if I can't dive as deep as they can. Looking out into the distance, I spy other islands - or… what's the word of something entirely submerged but still land-ish? A sandbar? That sounds right. Things are growing on them, in the tender care of the ocean waters.
As I move through this ocean, I float, but not exactly because I swim. It feels like this ocean caresses me, and in turn, my movements feel like I hug the ocean.
How odd. I never thought I could think favourable about an ocean again, but here I am.
Actually, where is here? And am I really there?

At that thought, the illusion fades, and I see Leanna again, feel her embrace like loving water enveloping me, taste the sweet touch of her lips that ensnared my senses so deeply I believed I was in another place entirely.
Force, she is just… magical.
That was… a dream, wasn't it? Leanna made a good dream for me. A beautiful dream.
A dream, huh... When was the last time I had one? Did I fall asleep, or was it a daydream, like the others Leanna induced earlier? At either rate, she is just so... so wonderful.
I sigh into our kiss.

Every touch of her hands is at once sedative and inflammatory, calming and lustful, restrained and passionate. Even now, I still feel what the metaphor came from - it's like a gentle ocean sweeping over my body.
I'm in love. Every atom of me is deeply, madly in love with this woman in every single way it can be. My starvation for this kind of contact, for this kind of acceptance, broken over the knee by the most lovely and most loving person I couldn't even have imagined. Even restrained as she is she can't do anything less than leave me drunk and enraptured.
And to think that of all the beings that call themselves human in this universe, I am the most able to feel what she is.
I have to break ourr contact, regrettably.
"Hah... I... you... wonderful... love you... so much..."

She smiles at me, her eyes shining like the worlds of starlight they are.
"Well, it seems like you had fun."

The sentence is accusatory, but the tone is playful, and her face is lit up with a smile that could power a city.
She rubs a thumb over my side, tracing over scars and ribs.

I lean into her, just slightly exhausted after that experience.
"You... I had. I didn't think it possible, but you made me like the ocean. Or at least one ocean."

She arcs a delicate eyebrow in curiosity.
"Oh? I'm not sure anything we were doing had anything to do with the ocean… so what was it?"

"I... you... well, I experienced another daydream, potentially induced by your powers - of the kind like when our hands touched when petting Ceru. It was a... very lovely tropical ocean. The waves were soft and gentle, the same shade of iridescent, clear blue of your eyes. And it was an ocean, but it didn't drag me down... unlike Manaan... instead I floated without swimming, the waves caressing me with a gentle care."
I close my eyes and smile softly.
"Some of the water splashed me in the face, and it didn't taste salty. Instead, it tasted fruity and sweet... similar to you."

She smiles.
"So, you liked that?"
A hand pats along my back, happily letting me lean on her.

"There really is no way I couldn't like it."
I scratch my cheek as I open my eyes to look back at her.
"You are so perfect, you made me like the ocean and the sand of the beach."

I snuggle into her.
"The ocean which tried to drown me, and the sand that... well, sand is just awful for plenty of reasons."

"Shh..."
She kisses my brow, setting off another loving flare there.
"That's great, Xerath. I really like that, that you were able to enjoy something like that."

"I think I'll like anything, as long as you're there. I truly, positively, absolutely love you. To think that you can even turn some of the things I dislike into things I enjoy could be scary, but right now I don't care."
I rub my cheek against hers.
"I'm just so happy and glad to have you in my life, Leanna. To have you at my side."

"Well, you deserve to enjoy things."

"I am inclined to agree. However, imagine being... not exactly afraid of something, but having a deep-rooted dislike of something. Then, one moment to another something happens that makes you like that very same thing."

"Hmmm… well, what happened that made me like it?"

"My touch, for example? However, it is unrelated to the dislike in question. Imagine your... dislike of ghosts, and it would just go away while we cuddle like this."

"I mean, that would be weird, but because it has nothing to do with ghosts. If you were doing something ghostly that I found I enjoyed, would it be so weird if I started to like ghosts?"

"Hmm... perhaps not..."
I shiver.
"Still, it makes me... concerned, if your power influences me to such a great degree. I love you, but I don't want to be controlled, not even by you."

"I get that. But you don't have to like every ocean."
She kisses my cheek.
"Just one."

I smile softly at her.
"I think I could do that."

I stiffle a yawn, then blush and gaze up at her shyly.
"Say, does your offer of earlier still stand?"

"Which offer?"

"Sleeping in bed together..."

She smiles warmly, even though her cheeks gain colour.
"Sure, Xerath. Is that something you'd like?"

"Of course I would like it. I was... afraid I would might do something, but... after this evening, I feel just so relaxed... Your embrace is so soothing. I'm still worried, to be honest, but... I don't want to miss it."

"Well then, I don't see why we should wait."

She stands up, and I am disappointed for a moment before an incredible anticipation washes over me.
Huh? Is she... going to undress more? I flush brightly at the thought.

She then proceeds to crawl under the covers. Evidently not.

I blink.
"Huh? What... did you get up for?"

"To get in? We were sitting on top of the covers, Xerath. Were you not paying attention to your surroundings?"

I blink again.
"As a matter of fact, I did not. I could only pay attention to you."

She lifts the blanket slightly, inviting me in.
"Well, isn't that unexpected."
It certainly doesn't seem like she didn't expect that answer, given her teasing smirk.

Can… can she even make an expression that isn't attractive with that face of hers?
I seriously doubt it. Hers is the face of perfection.
Yet at any rate, I should probably get under the covers before getting lost in her eyes again.

I get in, squeezing into the twin bed. This bed is smaller than the one I slept in while I was an initiate inquisitor, and as a result there is no place I can be except pressed up against Leanna.
I settle into her soft embrace, squeezing against her body as her soul surrounds me. Under the covers is warm, tight, and beautiful. Again and again, my brain reprocesses the revelation.
I am in a bed with Leanna.
I am going to sleep in a bed with a goddess.

Is this what heaven feels like? This is the most comfortable I have ever been.
A small moan escapes my lips.
"T-this is... so much more then when we slept in Embermyst..."

Worry creeps into her expression and voice.
"Is that… bad?"

I flush.
"You... just triggered another... 'response' from me, because this feels so intense and incredible. This is the most comfortable I have ever been in my entire life."

I snuggle into her, pecking her on the lips.
"I feel so warm and safe... so cared for. I love you so much."

She smiles brilliantly, reaching over to turn off the light in the room.
"I'm glad."

"But that sound just now was a bit different than my others, wasn't it? I don't think I ever had that one coming out."

Even in the darkness, my advanced eyes can still easily make out the outline of her face, and the twinkle of her angelic eyes. Her skin glistens like silk in the thin moonlight streaming through the shut window.
"Oh? You know, it was, wasn't it? Do you recognize it?"

I ponder this for a moment, but slowly shake my head.
"Not... particularly. It definitely was a sound of deep contentment and satisfaction. But beyond that, I'm not sure I could name it."

"Well… I don't really have a handle on it either. But it sounded nice."
She gives me a tight squeeze.

I sigh in bliss, the sound coming quite close to the one from just before. Then, I snake my arms around her as well, wrapping around her.

Our noses touch as we pull together.

How can she accept me so? She's so beautiful, so trusting… my heart aches with the sheer amount of emotion flowing through it.
I'd clutch a hand over my chest, if my hands weren't wrapped firmly around her and my chest pressend against hers.
Speaking of chest... she is so impossibly soft as well, and this realisation brings a new wave of heat to my face.

"How are you feeling?"

"My chest aches. It comes... from my heart."

She looks concerned.
"Are you okay?"

"I... think so."
I take a breath, her scent filling my nostrils.
"It's just... so many emotions. So much emotion... It's... amazing... exhilarating... overwhelming."

She kisses me gently.
"Is it… good then?"

"I... think so. It's... just too much, I guess. The sheer amount of love I feel for you."
An invisible hand brushes over her cheek, tucking some stray strands of gold out of her face.

She smiles shakily.
"You're okay?"

I immediately worry.
"Was that not good?"

"Well, you're hurting… even from love that might not be fine. What do you need?"

I blink, realising she didn't mean my reach of power.
"Ah. No, I'm okay. I think. It just feels like I can't properly express all my emotions for you, I guess."

"So… what do you think it would take for you to be able to?"

I gaze into her eyes.
"I think you know the answer to that, my love."

I close my eyes and snuggle closely into her.
"But for now, this is more than enough - perhaps even too much. Maybe I just have to get used to it. This is only the first time of many sharing this utter bliss with you."

"You've gotten a lot of chances to say things like that, haven't you?"

I blink my eyes open to regard her with a confused glance.
"Huh?"

"Well, you've been in a lot of situations where we're sharing something for the first time, and you've pretty consistently enjoyed those."

"Ah. Yes, that is quite true."

"And this isn't the first time you said something to that effect either."

"I suppose it isn't."

She gives me a kiss on the cheek.

"I just... experience more joy, more bliss than I ever thought was possible."
I close my eyes again, basking in the warmth on my cheek.
"And yet this goddess in my arms always seems to find a way to make it even better still."

"Well, if it makes you feel good about it, I do find it adorable when you're just squirming in my arms. But I also like to share."

Though my eyes remain closed, I arc a brow.
"Share? My dear, I am fairly certain that my experiences are a lot more extreme than yours. Of course I want to make you happy, and I'm glad that I seemingly succeed, but I doubt you have the same experience, based on your reactions."

She shifts, then plants a kiss in my hair.

I sigh happily.
"How can you be so perfect?"

"I don't know. But it works, doesn't it?"

"It works quite well, I'd say."
I stretch, so that my head nuzzles hers.

And so we lay in silence.

After a moment, my voice speaks up softly again.
"Leanna, are you tired?"

"Yeah… a bit."

"Yeah... me too. On one hand, I'm exhausted. On the other hand, I'm exited. You should feel how much faster my heartbeat is than usual."

"Still… kind of feels like a continuous hum."

"Heh. I suppose that is to be expected. Given how fast my heart rate is, it only is audible like a constant hum. Going even faster won't be that easily noticable, I guess."

She doesn't respond directly, only gently patting through my hair.

I snuggle further into her embrace, looking up at her with adoration, but also hesitation.

She combs my hair, quirking her lips.
"Something wrong still?"

"I just wonder... is it really alright for me to be this happy? I mean, I..."
I blush.
"I'm in bed... with a goddess... Is it really alright for me to feel such bliss?"

She looks at me for a second, then pinches the bridge of her nose in exasperation. She sighs.
"Xerath, yes it is. What makes you think it isn't?"

"Well, you know... I just want to make sure. There's still this nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I don't deserve any of this. It's a bit hard to fight against that feeling and tell myself that I do, in fact, deserve your affection and compassion. And also..."
I squirm a bit under the covers, blushing even more.
"I... I'm not sure where to put my hands. Or my head..."

She giggles lightly at that.
"Well, I suppose that's a challenge I can help with."
She takes one of my hands.

My eyes glance between her beautiful face and her dainty hand. Where is she guiding mine?

She places the arm around her, resting it on the small of her back. Then, she lifts herself slightly to allow my other hand to do the same.

I do so, wrapping my arms tightly around her. I gaze into her eyes nervously.
"Alright, done. Now... where can I rest my head? The only options seem to be... well... your ch-chest... or your stomach... or maybe your shoulder?"

I gulp.
"All of which seem so... intimate..."

"Well, I'll give you some options. Stomach or shoulder. I'm... not comfortable with option three, okay?"

"O-of course! I don't think I'd be comfortable with that, either. I think... I'll then try to lie on your stomach?"

"Alright."

I do as I said, and curl a bit into myself, so I can rest my head on her stomach while pulling myself as close to her as possible. My face remains rather flushed.

My head sinks into the thick fabric and softly tensile skin. Like everything to do with her, the sensation of resting a head on her stomach is unlike anything I have ever experienced - in a way that has begun to help me understand. This place lacks the internal armour of bones, letting me press into it. Not only is it comfortable in its own unique way, but it has a unique scent - now that I know, every part of her does, a difference no one else would detect, yet for me it makes my mind shudder in unexpected ways.
My breath hitches as the new scent enters my nose. Even though toned muscles are evident, she is still so soft. How can she be so perfect? Truly, every part of her must have been handcrafted by the Force for utter perfection. How else could this be?

And then... her soul reaches out, feeling over my head and slowly flooding my heart with sensation.

I... She... her light... so warm... so welcoming...
And oh, was there that sound again? I wonder... am I dead? Was I finally accepted by the Force to rest? Because I do feel as blissful as the faint traces I felt coming from other souls inside the Force, when I managed to sneak glimpses. Extrapolating from there... I can't help but wonder. If this is what my death would entail, I wouldn't mind lying here forever.

With my welcome acceptance, the trickle of light grows slightly, stoking the flame in me until it's a very comfortable temperature. I am not excited, or energetic, just relaxed... resting more deeply than I ever have in my life.

I sigh deeply. Or is it a sigh? I can't quite tell. I can't quite care, either. I just feel so comfortable. Is this what peace feels like? At the very least, I am home.
My eyes droop and I yawn.
"You're... perfect, Leanna... I love you... so much..."

A finger trails across my cheek.
"Goodnight, Xerath."

I tilt my head to kiss the finger.
"G'night, Leanna... so wonderful..."

I snuggle into her, the blankets wrapping around us comfortably.

As our voices fall silent, the sound of rain hitting the world outside permeates the room, calming me even more. I love the sound of the rain. A wide, content smile spreads over my face.
Until I fall asleep, I feel the gentle touch of her hand on my head, and her soul all around me.
With the goddess of love and life that Leanna so clearly is to me, it doesn't take long for me to fall asleep. With such soothing surroundings, even my subconsciousness shuts down. For the first time in way too long, I fall into a deep rest.