Previous Chapter: Fog - Next Chapter: Wanted
Following Water 7's first night of celebrations the sky turned to storms once again. The water rolled in high with heavy rains and, just before the early morning hours, Flam's makeshift home was stolen by the tide. He awoke to the old ship taking on water around him and managed to clamber out and flee into the chaos just before it was pulled out to sea.
With no time to mourn he crossed the scrapyard quickly as he was able, terrified of running into the monster that sometimes lurked the area. Though he hadn't seen it face-to-face yet, there had been several close encounters that'd left him hiding among the rubble with his breath held to bursting - and that's as far as he wanted their meetings to go. The way it plowed through the scrap heaps and flung junk around with such ease he was sure it was a sea-king that could come on land and wreak havoc whenever it felt like it.
An octopus, probably. A giant octopus could do it, no problem. The Kraken - he'd heard enough stories and seen enough horrors to know it was possible. Anything was possible.
After a glance back at the water he picked up his pace despite the cutting pain in his feet.
Could a tentacle reach him from there? Whether it could or not, he didn't want to find out. All that mattered was running as far away as he could, but where could he go? After all, he'd learned there were monsters in town too.
Somewhere in-between was where he ended up, huddled beside one of the giant flights of stairs that bridged the rest of the island to the city. After a while of watching the lightning flash across the grey scenery things started to sink in for him. His little place in the world was gone; the things he'd collected and made so far, everything he had other than the clothes and goggles he wore as he'd accidentally fallen asleep in them again.
He pulled off the goggles to check they were still in good condition, and they were, but after a moment of staring his lip started to tremble. Seeing them there in his hand reminded him of the fearless young man who'd returned them to him and gone after the boys who attacked him in town. That's when a sudden realization struck him and, unable to hold back any longer, he sobbed; the white kerchief etched with the faded map of Water 7 was gone now. He hadn't thought to grab it from where it laid with him where he slept and now it was at sea somewhere, long gone. He didn't need it for directions anymore, he knew it by heart and didn't plan on going far very anyways, but he was sad nonetheless.
Once, when he was a very small child, Iceburg tried to grab hold the flame of a candle that sat on his father's desk. The dancing beauty in his world of darkness had easily tempted him and just as quickly taught him to keep a safe distance from anything that shone too brightly.
Now, at the Boy's School, he woke doused in a similar pain; doused in sweat like the sheets around him. He laid and stared at the flames of the fireplace, wondering what was burning him to the core.
"What's wrong? More nightmares?"
He was stunned by the familiar voice at the end of the bed; even more by the grey eyes that stared at him, and the crazy, wavy hair that framed them.
"You're back!?" The sight of his brother brought him to tears. He wanted to crawl to him, but his heavy body still wouldn't cooperate.
Back from where? He couldn't recall exactly. It didn't matter.
"It's okay," Sarion held out a hand but was just out of reach, even when Iceburg stretched as far as he could. "Don't cry. The dreams can't hurt you, remember?"
"They're still scary though." he gave up and fell back to his pillow and blew out a long, shaky sigh. "I hate them."
He'd already forgotten what the nightmare had been about though. Had there been a nightmare? He could only remember fear; a fear that started growing by the moment. Something was wrong.
"I know." Sarion settled in comfortably and gave a silly, reassuring smile the way he always did, before…Before what?"But none of its real. Right?"
"Oh. Right." Finally, things clicked for him "Of course it's not real." He couldn't stand the sight any longer. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned to the wall.
He had to tell himself that the boy in front of him was just another dream; nothing but a memory of the brother he used to know; before everything changed. He couldn't be there. He couldn't be real. The real him was the one he'd seen last: the one who'd grown to be enamoured by cruel and dangerous things, the maniac laughing over their father's gruesome fate. There was no telling where he really was now; Iceburg had no recollection of what'd happened following the murder.
"He's where he belongs." Was their mother's answer the day of the funeral when he asked where he'd gone; there were two grave markers, but he'd only seen the one casket. To mention him was forbidden after that; the day their father was buried, they buried all evidence of Sarion along with him.
Years had passed since then, he knew it, but sometimes it felt hardly any time at all. Everything that came after was such a whirlwind of terrible events all leading to his betrothal and subsequent escape to Water 7 that he sometimes forgot the loss of them was what triggered all of it in the first place.
'Papa? No such thing. Never was.'
A tear rolled down his face. He couldn't stand knowing he'd never see him again, and that he'd never have the chance to find out what he meant by those eerie words.
Something shifted on the bed near him and after a moment touched his back; rubbed it gently up and down. When he found the nerve to look, he was met with another familiar face. He cried out at the sight.
"Dylin!" he could finally pull himself up to sit; he reached out to him, sobbing.
Flushed, pale skin, pressed lips and sweaty locks of tangled hair had him looking as worn out as Iceburg felt. Dark circles under bloodshot eyes emphasized his exhaustion.
"Hey, there you are…" he fussed; brushed a few strands from Iceburg's eyes then grabbed his face, studied him thoroughly "Are you okay?" he had his dark studded gloves on; they were coarse but still brought Iceburg comfort as they pressed to his cheeks.
He nodded his reply, afraid to unglue his eyes from him in case he vanished too.
Dylin breathed out a string of weary, foreign words then looked back to him.
"You're sure?"
"I think so."
He was far from 'okay' but, determined to be tough like him, didn't dare show how anguished he was.
"Then you'd better tell me what the fuck happened last night, Iceburg!" before he knew it Dylin's fingers clamped down to a harsh pinch on his cheek. "What did you take!?"
"Wh-what!?" he spluttered.
"What the hell did they give you!? Where did they get it from!?" he growled, yanking him closer.
"Who!?"
"Who the fuck do you think!?"
"I don't know!" A sob caught in his throat. His cheek ached from the rough clasp, but his heart hurt more.
The pain brought him back to a bad place; back to getting dragged through the halls when he was forced to 'court' with Giroux in his personal guest wing for a second time. His mother made sure, before she knocked on the door and sent him through alone, to twist the unharmed cheek as hard as she could to match the deep red of the other. Crying only made her complain about how it was his fault.
"Perhaps if you'd have walked like a proper lady with the maids instead of fighting like a dog, we wouldn't have to do it this way! He's your future husband, you awful girl, be grateful anyone wants you at all! If you give him any more reason to change his mind…"
Only when the bruising started to show on his cheeks did she stop hauling him along the way she had been. He remembered her muttering about how 'Nobody wants damaged goods' while she ordered more makeup than usual onto his tender face; layers of pale concealer and foundation to cover the bruises, rich blushes and deep contour to cover the pale, and bright lipstick just to appease Giroux's tastes. She would only pull him along by the ear after that, but before too long he gave up fighting altogether and would walk in silence to and from, listlessly, like the livestock to slaughter he felt he'd become.
Until the day finally came that he saw a way out.
He retreated to his own room after what would be his last visit to Giroux's quarters. Still shaking, he stood at the window and stared out in silence. It was something he did often to escape his own reality so he could daydream a more pleasant existence. This time, though, he found his sights set on a docked ship that was bobbing on the water in front of a rare sunset backdrop. He'd watched them come and go many times over but that evening he looked at the vessel and crew differently. With hope.
"Miss Icelyn? Your father wishes to speak with you and your mother - it's about your fiancée." His handmaid who'd thankfully come to collect him early and escort him from Giroux's room spoke with a gentle voice while she took out an evening gown to dress him in for dinner.
Somehow it felt like the boat was calling to him, telling him how it was going to escape that awful place and sail off into the fleeting golden sunset, and that he could go too, if he wanted.
"My stepfather." He politely corrected her but didn't move from the pane. "Tell him I don't feel well, please, so I'm going to retire early. He can find me here if he needs to, otherwise we'll talk… another day."
She watched him for a moment, then after a small nod she smiled and put the clothes back, traded them for his nightgown.
"Well then, Miss, let's get you some fresh air since you're unwell." She used her skeleton key to unlock the window and open it wide "The way you children used to like having it…"
Instead of dressing him she left him in peace at the window with his eyes closed, welcoming the cool breeze. She came back and gave him his medicine like she always did, said goodnight, but somehow forgot to close and lock the window when she was finished.
He could still remember the fear, the pounding of his heart like never before, as he laid there staring at the open window.
"Hey!" Dylin gave him a rough shake and it rattled him from his thoughts. "I know you wouldn't touch pills or needles so what was it!?"
"Nothing! Only what you and I shared! The bottle earlier!"
"Tell me!" his grip tightened by the second.
"You're scaring me! Please, stop!"
"You're scared!? I almost lost you again! Are you trying to get yourself killed!? Is that what you want!?"
"No!"
"You wanna die!?" he gave another rough tug.
"No! Dylin, it hurts!" it burned like the rest of him, but he was too weak to fight back, he could only cry. "I swear, I didn't have anything else!"
"You think he's lying, don't you?" Iva's voice chimed in from near the windows. "Well, I know exactly what it was, but how he got his hands on it is beyond me."
"I'm not!" Iceburg felt an unexpected flare of rage when his eyes fell on Iva looking especially feminine; barely dressed but wearing what looked like one of Dylin's jackets, open in the front.
"You!" Dylin finally relinquished his cruel grasp to snarl back at Iva. "You just shut your damn mouth and stay out of this!"
"That's hardly a way to thank me! You little punk…" they smirked as lightning strobed steadily behind them.
Iceburg rubbed his aching face and cried softly, unable to keep up with everything going on around him.
"Thank you!? Thank you? Like hell I'm gonna thank you!" he seethed "Why haven't you left yet? Haven't you done enough!?"
They scoffed before departing with a snappish remark.
Don't you dare forget to tell him what I said, candy-boy! He needs to know!"
"Shut up and leave already. I know."
"I will not do this again - and I mean it this time!"
Thunder shook the room as Dylin watched them go with a cold sneer.
"I'm not lying..." Iceburg's wounded voice broke the silence after Iva was gone awhile. "I'd tell you if I knew. There's nothing I can remember, except -" he could only cry harder; nothing he remembered made any sense at all.
Dylin put a hand on his back and sat with him like that for a while before he finally spoke again.
"I told you. I damn well told you, didn't I?" A pause; Iceburg could hear him gritting his teeth. "You were supposed to be careful."
"I was!" he whimpered "Well, I tried my best to be!"
"And a hell of a lot of good that did, eh!? I should've just gone with you…I should've known."
"But," patchwork memories brought nothing more than further confusion. "you were there, weren't you?" Iceburg looked up at him, hopeless.
"No. I stayed behind." He crossed his arms and glared down. "Remember?"
"Oh?" Again, he tried to sort his thoughts out. He did remember feeling sad about leaving Dylin behind in the dorm to go work the Gala, but… "Are you sure? Didn't you come down after?"
"I'm sure!" he winced.
"It was someone else? But I thought…" he grabbed his swirling head "I - I guess I can't even tell what was real and what was just a dream."
"Not just a dream..." his sour expression was pointed his way again. "Delirium."
"What do you mean?"
"You don't know what's what because you were drugged, dammit!" he pounded a fist down.
"What?" Iceburg's stomach sank "W-what makes you say that!?"
"You overdosed." For a moment he stayed quiet and stared at one of the vacant bunks "Do you know what that means?" he folded his hands tight together on his lap.
"Yes. My papa was a doctor, after all…" while he wiped his tears he missed the quick look Dylin gave him.
"Then you should know how serious this is. Iceburg…if I didn't get to you when I did-" He cut himself short with a sigh and pushed his messy hair back from his face. "Think about it. Since you didn't take anything on your own, it means they drugged you. God knows what else they did before I got there..." He lit up a cigarette and hauled half of it down in one pull, exhaled slowly.
Iceburg sat horrified. The words were heavy like the smoke that was gathered around him. He tried not to breathe through his nose; nauseous as it was without the smell but regardless, he could still taste it, something else, too – something vile and bitter that reminded him of his past. Medicine?
"I wish you wouldn't do that right now." He gagged as Dylin took another slow drag.
For a moment he watched with a blank expression as Iceburg fanned delicately at the plumes, then he erupted.
"That's all you've got to say to me!? Y-you stuck up little princess!" His voice was ferocious, but it trembled "Dammit, just like that bitch Ivankov aren't you!? Always worried about the wrong things…" He stomped to the window to toss it away.
"I'm sorry!" Iceburg cried as lightning struck outside the windows again. "I just feel so sick!"
"Well, so do I!" he pulled out another cigarette but crumpled it before it touched his lips "What were you even doing there with those boys, bambino?" his tough voice waned as he dropped the remnants to the floor. "Why did you go with them?"
Blurry memories of the boys in the Amethyst wing haunted him.
"I-I-" shame slapped him raw in the face "I don't know!"
"I thought you were better than that!" he fumbled trying to pull out another, then threw the whole cigarette case out the window to the grounds below. His palms landed on the sill with a dull thud. "You are better than that! Why, Iceburg!?"
"I just woke up there! I don't know how I got there; I didn't want to be! I wanted to leave but I couldn't! I could hardly move or see or anything!"
Dylin stood there for a while longer. He was paler than ever as he stiffly made his way back to the bottom bunk to sit with him.
"So…you were drugged before you even got to their dorm then. Did one of them offer you something to drink at the Gala? Think hard if anyone gave you anything at all."
Iceburg's eyes spilled over again as he considered it. "I-I can't remember." He hung his head, too ashamed to look his way any longer. "I'm sorry."
"Hey. It'll be okay." Dylin grabbed his hand. He was awkward and held on just a little too tight, but Iceburg didn't want to say anything that might make him let go. "If you remember anything else, you tell me."
He tried, but the things he did remember were horrible.
"They said they were gonna dump me somewhere!" he started to cry again. "I didn't think anyone would come for me!"
"Of course I came." he squeezed his hand tighter "If anything happens to you, I won't rest until -" he paused with a cloudy look but quickly shook it off "until I know you're safe."
"I'm sorry for how I've made you worry." he slumped, too drained to hold himself up anymore.
"So quit being such a brat about everything and I won't have to worry anymore!" Dylin pulled him down to lay on his lap, draped an arm over him then added softly "Okay, bambino?"
Iceburg nodded before his eyes finally closed, willingly now, with the confidence that he was safe where he was. The idea of having people care about him as a person and not as a belonging or investment was still hard to believe in but also something he didn't want to be without ever again.
He fell back asleep to Dylin petting his hair, blissfully unaware of his dismal expression.
Across town, Flam rubbed his eyes. They were swollen and blurry as he blinked against the low light of the morning. He hadn't quite fallen asleep but for awhile he hadn't quite been conscious either. Though he felt especially disoriented it didn't take him long to remember where he was and how he got there. Quickly he stood and scuttered off from the stairs before anyone from town saw him. He rushed to get back to the scrapheaps; he could already see several piles of debris and a few partial boats that'd been uncovered by the storm, and the sight was filling his mind with ideas of new things to build.
At first there was nothing usable to be found, just rotting wood and bits of metal scattered about, until he started rooting through one of the old shipwrecks. With a loud gasp and a sparkle back in his eye, he held up an old hammer. The handle was half eaten away, the head was just starting to rust, but it was just what he needed. Piece by piece he started to pull more parts from the wreckage, bringing them all to one spot where he could work on his newest project.
Despite his newfound excitement he felt laggy and sore, his head was throbbing and everything was too heavy; not just the cannonballs he found but the hammer, his limbs, his eyes. He sneezed, wiped his nose on his shirt and kept working. He'd figure it out later.
Iceburg awoke again alone and cold on the bottom bunk. In a panic, he searched for Dylin and his warmth.
He was relieved when he finally laid eyes on him; he was up and at the door speaking to someone in hushed tones, but he didn't have his full uniform on yet, just a dark button up shirt and pants. At first, he thought they were catching trouble for oversleeping, but the clock claimed it was early – before the time they'd normally be starting their day.
Dylin closed and locked the door when they were gone. With brooding eyes, he leaned his head against it and didn't move for a long while.
"Hey?" Iceburg's voice was weak and raspy.
He turned and his expression softened at the sight of him sitting up in the bottom bunk with his hair amok and clothes disheveled.
"Hey. Get as much rest as you can. No classes today."
"Why? What's going on now!?" Somehow, he felt as annoyed as he did anxious.
"Eh, nothing we have to worry about. They did a search but moved on before long." He shrugged. "They said everyone's gotta stay in their rooms until further notice though; someone will bring up the meals instead of us going down to eat. Looks like it's quarantine again; just you and me for a while."
"Oh!" Iceburg's face lit up "Good. Last time was nice."
"Wasn't it?" he tried to hide the goofy grin that was reaching across his face by staring out the window. "I was thinking of doing more reading. Care to join me?"
"Yes, of course! I have a few new books I picked from the library early yesterday and - wait –" Iceburg's blood ran cold as the rest of what he'd said sank in "You said they did a search!? They were in here?"
"Yeah. Just for a quick look though."
"Did they find anything!?" He leapt to his feet despite the woozy state he was in.
Dylin slid from the doorway to catch him before he tumbled to the floor.
"No." he held him steady until he regained his balance "They didn't look too closely at anything. Why? Is this what you're worried about?" From his front pocket he produced the glass vial of testosterone Iva had given him.
"Y-yes!" He blubbered as he took it "Thank you!"
"Eh, c'mon! You cry too much!" He gave him a tiny push "Just forget about it!"
"Forget it!? You can't be serious!" he shoved him back.
Dylin stumbled back, stunned by his smaller companion's burst of strength.
"I'm always serious!" He straightened himself up. "It's nothing! I had to hide mine anyways, right? Imagine if they found needles and all that? They'd think I was a…" he trailed off, and a brief frown surfaced before he threw a quick laugh to the ceiling "So come on! It was nothing, really."
"Nothing!? You know you deserve more credit than that." Iceburg crossed his arms.
"Nothing is exactly what I deserve, so would you cut it out?" he kept avoiding his stare
"Don't be so dense!" he made a face "You don't really think that do you?"
"Hey, you're the dense one!" Dylin's brow creased "Watch your mouth!"
"You watch your mouth! Look how much you've done for me, but someone like me can't even do a thing for you in return!"
"That's bullshit!" he tried to raise his voice, but Iceburg cried over him.
"So, please stop being so stubborn and accept my thanks – at the very least; it's all I can give you!"
"No, I-" he started to argue again but Iceburg lifted sad eyes up to catch his, silencing him.
"Is it really that worthless to you?"
"No! It's just-" he looked to him sheepishly "You have nothing to thank me for, Iceburg! Look what happened to you last night! You were only alone because of me! Please…" he hung his head "don't thank me when it's been my fault; the trouble you keep ending up in..."
Dylin felt guilty, Iceburg was shocked to realize. It felt urgent to him that he fix it.
"Well," he stammered "I'm fine now, right? And I won't let it happen again, so -"
"Iceburg!" He cried out; fists clenched "There's still something else I have to tell you!"
A quick silence fell over the room with only the crackling from the fireplace left to be heard. Iceburg held the bottle tight and stared at the flames for a while.
"I forgot about Iva saying there was something I had to hear…"
"Yeah." Dylin whispered, that brooding look back in his eyes again.
"If it's something bad, can it wait – maybe just a little while?" He looked back to him, eyes aglitter "I don't think I'm ready to hear anything else bad yet."
"Of course." he answered with a heavy sigh, and it wasn't clear if he was disappointed or relieved. "Just tell me when you are ready, though."
"Okay. But…" Iceburg coiled some of his hair around his fingers "what if I'm never ready?"
Dylin gave him a baffled look, but eventually broke into a smile.
"Then in that case I'll never tell you. I'll just tell you other things instead."
"Other things, like what 'Tesoro' means?" he tried to smile back. "Bambino?"
"Something like that…" Dylin bit his lip then added, his voice a gravelly whisper "Iceburg, my tesorino…we'll talk about anything else. Please, just don't worry anymore."
Iceburg fought the urge to hide his face.
Tesorino?
"You probably think I'm such a coward." Iceburg tried to laugh away the tears in his eyes "Well, I am. Everything scares me. So there."
"What!? You? A coward? No!" He shot him a cross look. "Small and naïve? Yes,"
"Hey!"
"a feisty little brat - of course! But,"
"Dylin!" He looked around for something to throw at him "You're one to talk! Take that back! And I'm not that small – not enough you had to bring it up twice!"
Dylin didn't flinch when he had a pillow hurled at his head; just continued chatting casually while Iceburg ranted on.
"A coward though? Ridiculous. Without a doubt, you're the boldest boy I know." He closed his eyes and let a warm smile fill his face "God, I can't get enough..."
"I've seen other students that are even shorter than me here, so you can just-" his words ran dry as what Dylin said finally caught up with him. "wh-what!?"
Dylin looked at his stunned face and broke out into hoarse laughter.
"You're just making fun of me again, aren't you!?" Iceburg crossed his arms, red in the face.
"I'm not."
"You are! You're laughing right now!" he jabbed a finger at him.
"No!" he wiped away a rolling tear and tried to stop his laughter but burst back out in the same breath.
"Shut up! You're laughing at me! I can obviously see you are!"
"No, no, not like that!" he balked up over the massive pout that was sent his way "It's just that when you get all flustered like this, it's so – it's so cute! I can't help it!" He nearly fell back and laughed harder than ever.
"Cute!?" at first Iceburg gawked up at him, then cracked a shy smile.
Dylin finally quieted down then cleared his throat.
"Listen, I may not know much yet, but I know you've faced a lot to get where we are right now. You're so many things, Iceburg, but you're no coward. And I look forward to learning more about you. All about you."
"There's not much to learn." His knees wobbled.
"I'm learning more every day." He looked quite pleased about it.
"But I'm not even interesting…"
"Yet, I'm so interested." His grin widened as Iceburg flushed deeper and deeper. "Before I forget - there's this too." He drew Tom's old knife from his pocket and flipped it about, Iceburg gasped at the sight. "It was lying by your bedside when they first knocked, so I grabbed it. I doubt they'd be too worried about an old whittler like this, but just in case... didn't I tell you to keep your shit put away, ages ago?"
"They could've caught you with all of it!" he looked from the bottle in his own hand to the blade that played deftly between Dylin's fingers. "You act like it's nothing, but they all think so highly of you here – you could've ruined that! You could've even been kicked out!"
"So?" Dylin stared; head cocked, and brows drawn.
"So!? So why?"
"Why what?" he stopped the knife short amidst its final spin and waited.
"Why risk all of it so carelessly like that? For someone like me…"
"Huh!?" Dylin's up-and-down gaze cracked across him like a whip "why you gotta be like that, eh!?"
"Be like what!?"
"Like such a little jackass!"
"Hey!" Iceburg gasped. "I'm curious, that's all!"
"You're a cold bastard, that's what you are." He turned his back to him and set the knife on the counter. "Or just an idiot. Both, maybe."
"What!? How could you say such a thing!?" Iceburg caught a glimpse of him in the mirror; red-faced with a childish pout.
"I should be asking you that! How could you!?" then, embarrassed by his own outburst, his voice fell back to a grumble "You know that I – well, you know…when it comes to you, that I…I-"
Frozen in place, Iceburg awaited his next words.
"I really-" he choked up, too aware of the intense focus on his back "I – well, I just mean we're friends, aren't we? We're…close? Right?"
"Of course we are!"
"So why ask something stupid like that, eh!? Should know damn well you're more important to me than anyone here! After everything…" he poked the knife around a few times before he leered over his shoulder at him "you just looking to get a little rise out of me, bambino? Or are you trying to insult me?"
"No!" but it did feel stupid the more he thought on it "It's just -"
The way he whipped back around to face him Iceburg was sure he was furious. He stumbled back and tried to stutter an apology, but Dylin cupped a hand under his chin and locked him in place with a heated stare. After a moment of it, he spoke as tenderly as he could.
"You'd do the same for me. Wouldn't you?" Whenever he murmured so softly, Iceburg could hear the thickness of his accent; he wondered when he'd become so fond of it.
Iceburg nodded. It was all he could do to reply but it was enough to satisfy Dylin.
"Of course, I know you would - you have before. Even though I didn't deserve it..." He stroked along his jaw, gently edged himself closer. "It's what…friends… are supposed to be, right? Somebody who'll have your back, take care of things when you need it…and someone you can be there for too?"
He nodded again.
"Then, that's that." he ran a thumb under Iceburg's bottom lip then gave it a soft tap; the way it dragged just the slightest drove him wild "I'll do anything you need me to do. Okay?"
He tried to answer but only a timid, shaky breath made its way out.
"Anything you want me to." the invitation was far too enticing, and his heat beckoned him in. "Just tell me to, I will."
Iceburg hesitated, caught between his wants and his fears. He wouldn't quite feel right telling him to do anything.
But there were things he wanted him to do.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Dylin murmured just loud enough that Iceburg had to lean in to hear him. "Does it bother you? Being so close like this?"
"No." but his skin buzzed beneath his touches, and he clung on to every syllable like it meant survival.
"No?" Dylin inched in so they were pressed together. "Not at all?"
Iceburg shook his head but, still dizzy, lost his balance again. He teetered and grabbed fistfuls of Dylin's shirt to steady himself but was reassured to find he'd already slipped a hand to the small of his back to catch him.
"Good…good," there was something in the way he stared down at Iceburg that hinted he was more than pleased he'd reached to him for support, and when Iceburg relaxed his grip and let himself lean back into his strength he broke into a toothy grin and added "coz now, I really don't wanna go anywhere. Do you?"
"No. I like it here…" he glanced around the room, then back to him with a whisper "only when we're together, though."
With a laugh, Dylin scooped him up high by the seat of his pants and pulled him in tight against his hips.
"Here we are then. Together. Nothing wrong with that." He smirked at his shocked face but was more surprised himself when he wrapped his legs right around him.
"Well," Iceburg poked at the buttons down the front of his shirt and remembered how they'd cuddled together before the gala. "It doesn't bother you, right?"
"Me?" After another rumbling laugh Dylin shook his head and Iceburg caught the light that twinkled from the little ring he wore in his ear; the urge to reach and toy with it was too much for him to resist. "God, no. Never." He closed his eyes as Iceburg reached up to it.
"But aren't you still worried about how much it would bother them?" Iceburg accidentally grazed his earlobe while he played with the loop and was paralyzed by the low groan that followed.
Dylin's fingers dug into Iceburg's back.
"Who?"
"You know. The ones who work here. Everyone." he peeked back at the door to the hall.
Probably even Kokoro.
"Would it?" Dylin feigned shock but didn't try to move; instead, he grabbed his hand that held the bottle. "Oh no." the mischievous glint in his eye contrasted his laidback voice.
Until then Iceburg hadn't realized how much he'd wanted him to take his hand again, for just a little while longer – even if his grip was still too tight. Nervous but for some reason excited about being caught that way, he leaned into him and laid his head on his chest.
"You know it would. Look what happened before..." his grip started to tighten around Dylin's shirt again.
Dylin leered down at him.
"What do you mean?"
"To those awful boys..." He glanced to the window he'd watched the commotion from that night. Thinking of the lies that, in his mind, had led to such terrible things always started a downward spiral for him.
"Oh…Desmonde and Braeburn? You don't think the school was responsible for that do you?"
"Well, yeah. Don't you?" Iceburg frowned; wondering why he looked so disgruntled. Until that moment it'd seemed so obvious.
"No." he scoffed.
"But isn't that why you had us say all that stuff in the first place? So they'd get caught and we'd get rid of them?"
"Well, yeah, that was the initial plan…" Dylin drew back a little to study him "you really don't remember much else of that night, do you?"
"No. I think I remember hearing from a nurse the two had been attacked by someone, though…" he frowned then corrected himself "Something, actually. So, maybe they weren't -"
"Never mind for now." He spoke hastily "There's something I have to ask you."
"Yes?" his heart started to pitter-patter at the intense look on his face.
"Have you decided that this is what you really want - for sure?" Dylin squeezed his hand around the jar of oil.
"It is." He beamed while he stared down, enjoying how his hand shielded his so easily "I've finally found exactly what I want."
"Well," suddenly Dylin was carrying him to the washroom "how about we get these clothes off you then."
"Oh!?" He chirped in surprise but followed obediently and started fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. "Everything? Now? Right here? Like this?"
Dylin caught himself watching in rapt silence and started to burn. He set him down at the door and ushered him in.
"You've just gotta shower first!" He plucked the bottle from his hand and laughed "This stuff's gotta go on clean skin! That's all!"
"Oh, that's all?" Iceburg trudged ahead to get the water running.
Dylin faltered at the threshold before following him in. He locked the door then turned to him, lips pressed tight. After watching him slide out of his pyjama pants, he broke the silence and his usual cockiness had returned to his voice.
"You sound so disappointed... What did you think I had in mind, marmocchio?" Though he had a playful grin taking up most his face, he couldn't hide that he was blushing.
"N-Nothing!" Iceburg yelped "Stop looking!"
"I'm not!" Dylin put his hands in the air and turned back to the door, laughing like always.
"But don't leave either." He murmured "Please."
"If you say so." He put his hands on his hips and stared at the grain of the door, still laughing quietly.
"I do say so!" He laughed too, and found himself swimming through the arms of his shirt to try and fumble with the rest of the buttons. When it was finally off, he looked over the thin, glossy fabric. It was familiar but not his. He played with the fabric for a moment, then smiled.
"This is yours, isn't it?"
"Eh?" He glanced back. "Is what mine?"
"Hey!" Iceburg launched the shirt into his face "I said don't look!"
"I was just seeing what the hell you were talking about! Yes, it's my shirt!" he turned away and waved it like a white flag. "I had to find something you'd be comfortable in. I hope it was okay."
Iceburg giggled at the display. It all reminded him of their first night together. Finally, he stepped into the shower. "Thank you," He wrapped his arms around himself, a strange sense of calm filling him.
"For the shirt? Of course. Don't be silly."
"Well," he closed his eyes as the hot water ran over him. Showers were something he'd finally come to enjoy; knowing there was no way he could sink and drown was the only way he was able to stand water at all - even baths were just enough to unnerve him. "for everything." Before Dylin could protest his gratitude again, he added "And…I like the way it feels when I wear your things. I'm going to keep it."
"What!?" he couldn't help himself looking back again. He bit his lip and watched how he scrubbed his fingers through his hair; how the water ran over him "You…do? You want my shirt?"
"Mhm."
"Well, it's soaked with sweat so you can't change back into it now. But yeah… It's yours." He hesitated "What's mine is yours, you know."
"It is?" his heart took a running leap through his chest.
"Of course," he shrugged and made it sound so casual that even Iceburg thought maybe he should've known already "you get into my books and drinks whenever you want, don't you?"
"It's only been a few times now!" he couldn't help but laugh though; it'd been more than a few by then.
"And more to come, I'm sure. Take whatever from me. I won't mind." he pushed his hair back and turned to the door again "I'll get you something else to wear for now though."
"No! Don't go yet!" Iceburg turned back and was relieved to see he hadn't moved.
"I won't go until you tell me to." He hung the garment on the back of the door. "How does that sound?"
Iceburg stood in silence with his eyes locked on the shirt. Ragged holes and blood he hadn't noticed before covered the front of it. He closed his eyes tight. Just moments ago, the shirt was spotless and white but even when he closed his eyes he could vividly see it, somehow back in his hand again, running red into the water below him.
"Okay?" Dylin gently urged, but it quickly became clear he didn't hear him.
Iceburg was trying to speak sense to himself. Just as Sarion hadn't truly been there with him, he knew it couldn't be real no matter how much it seemed to be. When he finally checked he was relieved to see the shirt was white again, back hanging at the entranceway, but then his eyes fell back on Dylin.
"Ehi?" Dylin spoke louder. "Why don't we get you back to bed? Maybe this was too much too soon..." he peeked back.
There was still no response, just his petrified expression.
"Hey?" He couldn't tell if Iceburg was staring at or through him "What's wrong? You're freaking me out!" He gave in and turned all the way around "Look at me, Iceburg! Aren't you gonna get me in trouble; yell at me and tell me not to stare!?" he started toward him, and the sudden movement seemed to bring him back to attention.
"Dylin!?" he pointed, trembling. "What happened to you?"
"Huh?" he scrunched up his brow, motioning furiously between them "What the hell do you mean 'what happened to me'!? What happened to you!? I'm fine!"
Iceburg stepped dripping from the shower and reached a hand to where the scars from Braeburn's gunshots hid beneath his dark clothes. Dylin shivered at how his touch soaked warmth through his shirt and to his skin.
"But, the blood? I thought…" he looked up at him with eyes as lost and drowsy as his voice.
"Blood? Huh?" reluctantly, he slid Iceburg's hand aside so he could unbutton his shirt to check.
His scars were soft and purpled but safely closed. There was no bloodiness, just the damp chill from the wet handprint.
"Oh... that's odd." When his voice drifted out slowly, softly, Dylin was thrown off by the familiarity of it. He wondered how he hadn't noticed it before. "I thought I saw blood on you."
"No. I'm fine." He wanted to brush it off but found himself staring hard at him, reconsidering every detail he'd taken in so far. "Did you mention a doctor in your family? Your papa?"
"Hm?" He paused. "Did I?"
"You did." He cocked his head with a little smile of encouragement on his lips. "Is he the one who put you on those medications you didn't like taking?"
After a moment of considering it, Iceburg scowled with a dark intensity Dylin hadn't seen on his face before. It passed quickly.
"I never thought of it like that…but I guess so. Forget all of that though - what happened to you?" Iceburg traced along the scars with a quiet sigh. He imagined that when fresh it must've resembled the fatal wounds Sarion had inflicted on their papa.
"Remember?" He twitched at his light touch "I was dealing with - other things - that night before I made it back to you."
"But I thought you only hurt your hand? It took weeks for it to get better…were you shot!?" He tried to ignore the gunshots that echoed over and over in his head.
"Well, more or less."
"More or less? What does that even mean in a situation like this?" Iceburg gave him a dismayed look.
"It was probably more than once." Dylin shrugged.
"What!? Probably!?" Iceburg prodded him "Weren't you supposed to be at work then!?"
"It's Water 7. People get hurt at work all the time. It's no big deal. It's nothing."
"But you were shot!" He wasn't sure why, but his haphazard attitude annoyed him more than ever. "Shot!"
"And!?"
"What if I get shot!? Would that be nothing to you!?"
Dylin's face twisted up.
"No! My God, no, Iceburg, don't say that! Nobody's gonna shoot you; nobody's gonna touch you! I'll keep tearing apart whoever tries with my bare hands!" he clenched his fist to his chest "As many times as it takes."
"Well-" rattled by his protective stance, Iceburg was left fumbling as usual "Just don't get yourself mixed up in trouble like that anymore!"
Dylin crossed his arms and smirked.
"Come on, I turned out fine - better than you that night! Quite the little firecracker, weren't you?"
"Was I?" he frowned "I can hardly remember much…"
"Of course you can't! You nearly killed yourself, then decided to get wasted right after." Laughing, he ruffled his soppy hair "On some of my most expensive liquore too! Now settle down already, enough crying for today!"
"It's not just that first night I'm talking about, though! So much is just a blur when I try to think back…"
"Just goes to show that you've been drinking too much - especially for a lightweight like you. Even if it's not every day there'll be lapses in your memory from it. There's plenty of nights I can't remember, thankfully."
"But it's like I'm losing my memories from before I came here too! Before the drinking! Sometimes I'll remember things that happened to me and it's…weird that I'd forgotten it until then."
"Is forgetting really so bad though?" Dylin grabbed his shoulders "From what I hear from you… maybe it's better that way."
"But…" He couldn't argue. It would be better to forget – all of it. All of them. Even Sarion. "There are things I'm afraid to forget though! I don't want to forget you!"
"Then I guess you'd better not!" Dylin's voice was hearty and loud, making up for them both in spirit. Iceburg didn't notice how much effort it took him to keep it up.
"How?" He found himself getting dried off and wrapped in a soft towel.
"I won't let you forget me." His laugh rang wall to wall. "How's that!?"
Iceburg smiled, but it quickly fell back away.
"Do you really think everything'll be okay?" he couldn't shake the feeling that someone was tugging him away, urging him to run as far as he could.
"What do you mean? Look at you! You're fine. We'll be fine!" He gave his cheek a pat.
"Well…" he glanced back to the door, but Dylin grabbed his face and turned it back to him. He leaned down to his height.
"Hey. Don't you worry about what's out there. We're in here. I'll take care of you."
"But you'll leave me eventually! I hate being here without you!" He cried and pulled away. "Maybe I should just go back-" he cut himself off and winced.
Home. Home was the word he wanted to say but he couldn't bring himself to say it. Avoiding the subject of his personal life had kept him from thinking much about it, but he realized then that he didn't have a home; not really. He had space with Tom and Kokoro, wonderful space, but with the way he was sent off almost as soon as he'd arrived and with everything since, he felt he'd be barely more than a stranger there. When he imagined returning there after school was done it wasn't a graceful scene that played in his mind; it was as awkward a mess as he felt he was.
His heart sank as he considered something he hadn't before; when that day came, he wouldn't be with Dylin anymore anyways, and being with him was the closest thing to a home he had. He looked up at him, distraught.
"Maybe I should just go now." He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Before this gets any more complicated…before it's too hard to part ways….
He knew he was kidding himself though, it was already far too late. Leaving his old life, everyone he knew – he hardly thought twice about it. Leaving Tom's for school was scary, but he'd been excited for what the future held, and paired with the fear of being found, it pushed him forward. This was a goodbye he wouldn't be able to face easily, though.
"I said," Dylin grabbed him by the wrist and reeled him in, so they were face to face again "I'll take care of you. So don't you dare think of going anywhere without me."
"What am I supposed to do!? You'll go back to work at the shipyards like you always do and I'll be alone!" he was aware of how desperate he sounded, shouting in his face the way he was, but for some reason there was no going back. "I don't want to be here without you anymore! I-I don't want to be without you at all!"
Dylin managed to stay composed but took an extra moment to think on his answer.
"No matter where the work is, it can wait. After tonight I'll take time off to be with you. Stay with you." He reached back for his cheek.
"You won't!" Iceburg pushed his hand back and turned away, arms crossed.
"I will." He sounded calm while he said it, but Iceburg could feel his hands shake as he started to peel back the damp towel from his shoulders.
"No, you won't!" He kept the towel clutched to his chest as it fell away from him, leaving his back chilled.
"Calm down, baby, I will!" he chuckled and stepped up against his bare skin, sending his nerves into a warm frenzy "I'll come back like always, but this time I'll stay. Every day, every night. Until we figure out our next move, I'll stay with you, and I'll protect you – if you're with me... just me."
Iceburg gasped and wondered if he'd misunderstood. He looked back at Dylin through narrowed eyes and was met with something new. Dylin looked terrified; not just concerned or like anything else he'd seen from him before. Absolutely terrified.
"Well, what about you!?" Iceburg turned away again. "Would you be with just me too? What about Iva?" he surprised himself – he'd never intended the words to leave his mouth but out they flew, with no vitriol held back from their name.
Dylin was just as surprised by it.
"Iva!?" He cringed "I hate them, tesorino! They're nothing to me like what you are! Nothing!"
"Didn't you say I'm just like them though?" he hissed back. "Do you hate me too?"
"No! I could never! Perdonami – please, forgive me." Dylin bowed his head under his cold glare "I was too emotional. I should never have said the things I did to you. You're not like them at all."
"Well, you can't just say whatever you want because you're upset," he balled up his fists and finished off as loud as he could "stuck up p-princess!"
Dylin flinched.
"I deserve that. I'm so sorry." he touched his shoulder. After enduring a long silence, he piped up again "Even if you don't forgive me, I'm still going to stay until you tell me to go, like I promised."
Iceburg peeped back at him.
"So," he was glowing "you and Iva really aren't a couple?"
Dylin twisted up his face.
"My god, no! You're worried about that!? We may have a past… but Iva's more an associate than anything now. The closest thing to a doctor I've got now too. Real doctors won't treat people like us, remember?"
"Well," he was ashamed of how venomous he'd been "I'm glad you've had their help in the meantime then."
"Yeah…" he clenched and unclenched his fists then continued with a strained smile "but believe me when I say it hasn't come without a cost. I want to rid myself of them for good, and I almost did last night. But I worry about you! If they withhold your hormones because of me…ah!" he palmed himself in the face and laughed.
Iceburg recalled seeing Iva and Kokoro at the gala together and how they'd interacted with each other. Though he'd been glad to see them, some of the comments he remembered them making made him upset all over again.
"I don't think Iva would do anything like that. They're friends with someone else important to me and I get the feeling they wouldn't want to upset her."
"Oh?" Dylin stiffened and looked up from his hand. "It's funny but you both gave the impression you didn't know each other prior to all this…"
"We didn't. It's complicated." Suddenly, he wanted to blurt it all out – tell him everything about where he came from and why he was there. "I didn't find out until last night. It surprised me too."
"So, you're starting to remember, are you?" his tone was cold and suspicious.
"A little bit…" he frowned and Dylin said nothing. After another moment, he added "Is something wrong?"
"No." But there was a catch in his voice that Iceburg couldn't ignore. "Here, let's get this started, eh? It'll be cold at first." he pulled off his gloves then popped the cork from the bottle "Other than that, it shouldn't bother you."
"I'm a bit cold anyways." Iceburg braced himself "I'm sure I'll be fine." but he gasped and scrunched up; the icy trickle still managed to catch him by surprise.
Dylin breathed out a soft laugh then went to work massaging the oily gel into Iceburg's shoulders and down his arms; his strong hands quickly warmed him.
"Is it okay?" Dylin squeezed out his tense muscles, slowly work his way lower down his back.
"It's really nice."
Iceburg watched their reflections in the mirror: he saw himself, scrawny and sickly with teary eyes, barely covered by the towel. Then he looked up to Dylin. His dark gaze was fixed downwards on his task with a small smile across his lips. His unbuttoned shirt hung open over his bandaged chest and he'd rolled up his sleeves, showing off his muscular arms as he applied Iceburg's first hormone treatment.
"Remember, this is a big thing. Okay? The changes can be a lot for one person. It's like starting puberty all over again," he purred "so don't be shy about coming to me with any of it. I've been through it all. Well, I'm not sure exactly how fast things happen with the gel…but, still…I've got you."
Iceburg looked down with an awkward smile, too embarrassed to admit he hadn't really experienced it even a first time yet; only tummy cramps and breast growth so far and that had been painful enough. He changed the subject as quickly as he could.
"Dylin?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you…" he hesitated "call me baby?"
"…Yeah." He failed terribly at sounding casual. "What did you think bambino meant?"
Iceburg darted his gaze up, heart pounding. Dylin kept at his work with his teeth clamped down on his bottom lip and avoided his hopeful stare.
"But not in a bad way...right?"
"No, of course not." he mumbled "You're just so small, you know, for your age, and you're precious to me. When I think of anything else happening to you..." he squeezed his shoulders and Iceburg could feel he'd started to shake again.
"Your gloves are off. Is it okay to get that on your skin?" he stammered.
"It's fine - for me. I'm already on a higher dose than you are anyways."
"Oh, right..." He leaned his head back against him. "That's good. I'm glad."
"Just don't let anyone else but me put it on for you, or touch you - " Dylin sort of chuckled then added "where it was applied, I mean. Or…"
"Well," Iceburg twisted some hair around his finger "that's not something we'll have to worry about, is it? If it's just you and me?"
"No." Dylin caught his eye in the mirror and rested his chin on the top of his head with a euphoric smile "I suppose not." He reluctantly let go to wash his hands.
Iceburg stayed close behind him and after a few seconds of contemplating he took a deep breath and grabbed his arm.
"Hey, Dylin…" he couldn't stop the heavy drumming through him "can I tell you something?"
"Anything, bambino."
Baby.
Iceburg turned to mush at the word he'd heard dozens of times before. Suddenly he didn't know how to act or where to start.
"Well…" He wondered more than ever what 'tesoro" meant, and now 'tesorino' – just a combination of the two words, maybe? Marmocchio sometimes, though not as often. He felt too shy to ask, which he found funny considering he was ready to open up to him everything else on his mind.
They both startled at loud knocking from the main door.
"Shit." Dylin hastily buttoned up his shirt "It's not time for breakfast yet...they're here for something else."
Iceburg took a step toward the door with him, but Dylin put a hand to his chest and gave a gentle push.
"No, no…you stay in here. Cover up. Wait for me." He rushed to the door but took one last look back at him the way he was. He leaned his head on the frame and warmed him with another smile "We'll talk after, okay?"
Iceburg didn't panic. Walking on clouds, he wrapped the towel back snug around himself and sat up next to the sink. He didn't have any clothes to change into with him, so he just waited, combing his hair and trying his best to eavesdrop.
"So, what's going on? Someone already searched earlier."
Dylin's low voice was clear, but whoever responded wasn't; he couldn't make out a single word.
"Well…the new guy's worried. I have a responsibility to him too, don't I? What do I tell him?"
New guy?
It took him a moment to realize Dylin was talking about him. He pouted and decided to complain about it to him later.
"No. I won't have that." His voice came through again, stern, and thunderous. "Not while he's showering. Come back in a few minutes."
He blushed, delighted but still shy about how he protected him so heatedly. He looked at himself in the mirror, perched on the countertop, comb in hand. He still wasn't sure what had changed with him since they met - why he was so keen on defending him, or what he saw in him at all.
He loved it, though.
Before long the door opened, and Dylin hurried through with clothes for Iceburg thrown over his shoulder.
"You dry?" He ran his hands along Iceburg's arms and before he could answer, nodded "Good. You just worry about getting dressed before they come back. Lock up behind me until you're done this time." when he saw a troubled look on his face, he put his forehead against his with a lax smile. "It's fine. Remember, I've got you." He lifted him by the waist and set him on the floor then, after he handed off the clothes and grabbed the oil and knife, slipped back out.
It didn't take Iceburg long to dress since he didn't have to be in full uniform. When he was finished, he hurried back to be with him before the final search of their quarters.
They stood off against the wall and watched the strangers tear through their room. When the search moved on to the washroom, Dylin slouched down and nudged Iceburg with his knee. He flashed a bright beam at him when their eyes met, then glared at the backs of the men rifling through their things.
"Don't you worry about a thing, tesorino…" he whispered close to his ear so only he could hear "Nobody's gonna bother you anymore." He caught his fingertips with his and for a brief second while no one watched, they kept them intertwined.