The Princess That Was Promised: Visenya Targaryen

Chapter 1 : In The Beginning

Why do people realize the value of something when it is only lost?

Why is what you don't have is always more desirable than what you do have?

Why do things you have, love, value or can value become meaningless after a while?

And since life is so fickle, why do the majority of people spend most of it burying themselves in meaningless, trivial shit for the whole of their miserable life until they die scared and regretful of things they didn't do?

We forget, don't we?

People die everyday.

Nothing matters.

Nothing is eternal.

Nothing will last.

So shouldn't we just enjoy all the things we have? Even the bad things. Never forgetting, but using it to fuel you, to live to the best of your ability. Is this not how we, as people, should live? To be happy? To make other people happy? However, this is a lesson usually learned very late, sometimes even too late, I've realized, since a lot of people are used to living without remorse… without realizing it makes them oh so cruel.

You see, I've known this from the start by experiencing it from the first breath I've taken in this life. Majority of people are cruel without even knowing it or really intending to be one, like most of my so-called ''family''. Which makes their words or lack of words, actions or lack of actions, even more hurtful towards others. There is no point in wondering things like why they are so cruel, why some people use cruelty as a reaction due to all the pain they had to endure in life or why others use it as some kind of drive to survive. At the end of the day, cruelty is cruelty and the reason behind it does not make what happened right, unfortunately. After all, when a heart breaks, it's impossible to repair it and restore it to the way it was in the beginning.

I've even realized lately that the worst kind of cruelty is the one you have towards oneself. Everyone is cruel, in their own way, but most of the time people start being cruel towards themselves, first. Then, they are cruel towards their loved ones and whom they might love. Then to what and whom they might not like and it goes on, on and on. They are cruel, I've realized then, because life itself is also cruel. People rarely realize that their lives are tied to a thread of a cotton and can end at any moment. By the time they realize it, how fickle and precious life can be, it's often too late. That's why they inflict pain, first to themselves and then to their loved one, not appreciating what they do have. That's why they can't live their lives always chasing after some other thing they can or should have. Wasting every precious moment, again, again and again…

Just like me.

My name?

You see, my name is Visenya Targaryen, trueborn daughter of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, but I've lived most of my life thinking I was just a girl named Lyarra Snow. Always chasing after something better and never appreciating how ''safe and ''easier'' those days I've lived as a ''bastard''.

Yes, Lyarra Snow was a bastard. Ned Stark's bastard. But at least Lyarra Snow was not alone (well, most of the time, anyway). You see, Lyarra Snow had a father and five siblings! Lyarra Snow was loved and in turn loved so much. But Lyarra Snow has never been able to deal with being a bastard, being belittled and humiliated by Catelyn Stark's icy stares and people laughing in her face but talking behind her back. Staying in Winterfell, being with Robb, braiding Sansa's hair, sneaking around to have some swordsmanship lessons at Godswood with Arya, playing with Bran and Rickon, putting her head on Ned Stark's knees and imagining a better life secretly when all of her other siblings went to bed and mostly, most importantly all of her moments with her sworn shield Arthie should have been enough, she should have appreciated them before they all slipped from her hands like little soap bubbles, again, again and again. But Lyarra never managed to be able to feel contented and never appreciated because why would all of those things matter? She wanted to be a Stark! To have the name, not just the blood. No matter how many times her uncle would say ''You may not have my name but you have my blood'', it was not enough. So Lyarra always felt like something was missing from her life and the life she has been living was not enough because surely, she was not enough. So like an idiot she imagined, wanted, hungered after being a Stark… without knowing that she could never be one of them, always wasting everything she had for something she could never have…

As for Visenya Targaryen… She was alone, and she has always been alone. She was a baby who had lost her mother, father, two siblings and three Kingsguards who had sworn to protect her and her kingdom with the first breath she took. Declared as his bastard by her own uncle Ned Stark for the sake of protecting her life. Known as a ''half-sister'' by her own cousins and thus living a lie. Seen as a rival by her aunt Daenerys Targaryen who insisted Visenya had to prove herself as a ''real dragon''. Loved by a mummer's dragon who died with empty promises in his eyes. A baby, a girl and then finally finally a woman the rest of the Westores either loved or hated for being born as a half dragon - half wolf…

In a perfect world, I would have lived just one life.

In a perfect world, I would not have felt so thrown apart.

In a perfect world, I would have found myself content with the life I've had every time I've closed my eyes on warm nights.

In a perfect world, I would not be forced to choose a ''a life'' so that I can abandon the other (a part of me, a huge part of my soul) by literally everyone else.

Since I was not living in a perfect world, however, I was not able to manage my own life, neither as Lyarra Snow nor as Visenya Targaryen.

I've always felt stuck between them when I learned the truth. Hell, maybe even before learning it by always feeling like a huge part of me was missing and the world around me wasn't supposed to be the way it was. This hell should not be mine, I've always thought. I deserve better, I've always felt. I have to choose one and sacrifice the other, I've been told, countless times. Then came choices I've made and the ones I didn't or was not able to because of other people. Always with choices and paths that only ended with bringing so much pain and so much loss to my life and those I've always the wrong choice. Always the wrong path. Always feeling betrayed. Always imagining the life I could have had if only, if only….

So many if onlys….

Again.

Again.

Again.

Only to end up with feeling betrayed, resentful, never being enough, always giving so much without receiving back, most of the time. What a life. What a fucked up destiny.

Only to end up feeling… so damn empty.

Too damn lost.

Maybe that's why we lost the war even before it began.

Maybe that's why I've always felt like I was just a pawn (not a player, never allowed to be a player) at other peoples games of thrones.

Maybe that's why I've closed my eyes and begged the Gods for a second chance as I was falling from my dragon, surrounded by all my loved ones and those I didn't appreciate enough, with the Night King's spear buried in my chest.

How was I to know that the gods would grant my wish and give me a new chance by sending me back to the darkest time in my family's history? Or that when I've opened my eyes the next time, I'd find myself with burning lungs, tons of water I'm trying to vomit in my mouth, a sharp sword at my neck and at the mercy of a man with silver hair, violet eyes and plate armor looking at me like he's going to kill me?

What a fucked up destiny, I've thought when I closed my eyes, again, losing consciousness, regardless of the man who was looking at me like I was crazy.

What's the point of living, if I can't even die peacefully?

A/N:

English is not my first language so if there is any grammer mistakes please forgive me. I'm both translating this from my original story that was written in Turkish and editing/improving some stuff by writing them fully in English. Hopefully, with practice my writing skills are gonna get better since this is my first fanfiction story.

Looking forward to seeing what you guys this!