Some of you might remember a fic that I posted here when the web exodus happened. That fic isn't being posted here anymore but as recompense, I decided to write this one to fit general audiences. I hope I can actually be funny but that's just me asking for the impossible. Anyways, here is some fic about tanks and RWBY... I guess this would be RWBY und Panzer.
Yang wasn't one to consider herself as easily surprised, she was more of the opposite really. When she found her sister mumbling while squirming on her bed on a Sunday morning, her first instinct was to do some 'Sisterly bonding' with a good old-fashioned prank.
It was a simple joke! Pinching her little sister's cute nose would make her wake up from whatever euphoria she was experiencing. Ruby was too precious seeing her smiling and chuckling to herself while she slept.
No one in the team had woken up yet, Weiss valued her weekend rest and Blake had been up reading her smut. Yang readied her stance while rubbing her hands together in a malicious fashion.
'Your fault for being too darn adorable, Rubes!'
*Ker-chak!*
Her hand froze mid-squeeze, and Ruby felt her older sister's fingers putting small amounts of pressure on her nose. Ruby groaned from the incomplete stunt and Yang had reason to stop all movements.
Looking to her left from where the haphazardly made bed hung from creaking ropes, her jaw dropped.
Not because she was shocked beyond belief...
But because a gun barrel was ungracefully forcing her mouth apart, accompanied by a massive turret staring at her lilac eyes. Two other machine guns pointed right at her with belts of ammunition clinking together from a mysterious force.
Only the sound of a random breeze coming from god knows where swaying her shining yellow hair could be heard.
A tank had shown itself. It resembled a refrigerator if a refrigerator had enough guns on it to take on a horde of Grimm. They were monsters, sure - but Yang heard the purr of an idle engine which was way more intimidating than she had thought.
It somehow appeared in the middle of their already cramped room, its top already flush with the ceiling.
She whipped her hand back from squeezing Ruby's nose as she tried to recompose herself. Raising her arms in response, the unknown entity was about to get into a fight, as if Yang could do anything to it.
"..."
"What the hell?!"
As soon as she blinked, the thing was gone.
"...I'm not going crazy, am I? I swear I just saw something in front of me. Did Ren sneak in some of his nightmarish herbal concoction while I drank my coffee last night?"
Weiss yawned and was irritated at the blonde speaking to herself. "Yang... why do you always have to be so loud whenever you wake up? It's already bad when you snore louder than an Ursa during the night."
"Weiss! You're awake!"
The white-haired SDC heiress felt her eyelids still trying to open. "Well, I am now. What got you so worked up this morning?"
"Something came into this room!"
Weiss assessed the look of her partner's sister, a crazed look is what she saw. To be fair, Yang was pretty vague. Not that it mattered since Weiss wasn't going to let something so menial derail her Sunday rest.
"Yang, we live in a school full of up-and-coming huntresses and huntsmen. I'm sure the headmaster wouldn't let anything of the variety enter. Either you are seeing things or you've found something worse... a dark devil."
Weiss shudders as a memory came when she was younger, a cockroach invading the bathroom floor after she tried to brush her teeth that one night. Even her father's berating against her isn't a match to the fear instilled into the soul by the said bug.
"No, it isn't anything like that. I promise I just saw a gigantic gun barrel pointing at me but the second I shut my eyes it wasn't there anymore!"
Yang even emphasized her points by throwing up hand signs to her eyes and pointing to the last known location of the mysterious refrigerator-shaped object.
Weiss was not impressed.
The mad ramblings of a probably still weary mind just woken up is something she didn't have the time for nor was she going to keep asking.
"You're starting to sound like Ruby. Are you sure you didn't get infected by Jaune's idiocy or Ruby's dorkiness while you were together? Maybe you got infected by... both..."
Weiss was reverting to her elitist nature but as soon as she began her 10-paragraph speech on why Yang was dumb, her mouth hung open, the same way Yang had hers. Only this time, it was out of pure horror.
Right to the front of the other dangerous hazard they called a bunk bed was the front end of a tank pointing its gun. It was out of sight for the blonde since she was turned around but Weiss had seen everything.
Yang noticed Weiss staring at the other side of the room. She assumed the worse and quickly spun her whole body to face whatever was there.
Once again... it was gone. Not even Raven could leave Yang as a child faster than how the object disappeared.
"Did you see it too?!" Yang grabbed Weiss by the shoulders and shook her violently, if this was a basic horror situation, none of them enjoyed it.
They stared into each other's eyes in silence.
"I'm going back to sleep." Weiss had the philosophy that if they're in a nightmare then going back to bed was probably the right idea.
Ignoring a problem until it goes away was her only reaction to the matter.
"Wait, don't just try forgetting that I saw you widen your eyes like that!" Yang started pulling on the covers, to Weiss' annoyance.
A door opening was heard soon after, Blake had long woken up and lazily made her way to the bathroom. She wasn't going to show her friends that the way she stretches is the same way a cat does it. It'd be way too embarrassing.
Weiss and Yang were left to their hijinks, Blake didn't catch anything important other than learning that Yang was apparently going crazy based on the flow of conversation.
She closed the door behind her and crouched low to the floor before stretching as much as she could, it was bliss and no one would be able to see her do so. Like a guilty pleasure that she could only enjoy.
Blake finished her routine before a sound caught her attention, it was a low droning that made her cat ears twitch to the direction it came. Being a Faunus had that advantage.
"The medicine cabinet?" Blake said to herself.
She reached over and slowly creaked it open and when she did, she didn't expect to be laying inside.
"...Is that a toy?"
A smaller version of the tank was idle inside, the object was tiny and it could fit in her hands. Blake didn't get what was happening.
Did Ruby buy it? Did someone put it there as some sort of inside joke? Blake didn't know. She tried grabbing it but like usual, it disappeared.
She didn't even blink.
Her amber eyes started rapidly fluttering and just in case she was inside a dream she pinched her cheeks. It wasn't there... she thought it to be just morning haziness.
Deciding to take the first shower of the day so that Yang doesn't hog it all the time, Blake opened the shower curtain but had to stop when a tank shoved itself inside.
"...Again?"
She rubbed her eyes, perhaps she was just getting woozy from all the catnip she smuggled in from Vale and decided to keep to herself during her free time.
"..."
It was still there.
She rubbed her eyes repeatedly.
"...Hello?"
It disappeared this time.
She turned on her heels and went straight out the door, thoroughly confused by what was happening. "Yang, I just saw something in the shower."
"Blake, tell Weiss that she needs to get out of her bed. She's refusing to acknowledge that something is sneaking around in here!"
"Sneaking around may be an apt term since something keeps disappearing without much effort from it. Do you think someone is using their semblance against us?"
"That's true... or maybe it's something else. I don't know anything that could do something like that. It all feels so real. I doubt it's an illusion."
This was the only time Yang had to think and use her brain for anything else other than bad puns. Every impulse in her brain activated and her face opened with a realization.
"Yang? Do you have an idea?"
"Is it a curse?! I knew all those times I stole popcorn from the theaters would come back to haunt me for days! What if it's a spirit of vengeance?!"
"Yang you can't use that phrase, it's trademarked."
"Oh... maybe something insidious is creeping around!"
"That's a movie title."
"Er... Is something going to spirit us away?"
"Yang, you know that's just a word away from something we know. Haven't we all watched this last week? Wait... so you were the one stealing all the popcorn!"
Weiss couldn't handle all the noise, she shot up with a furious glare. "Can you both keep it down?! I'm trying to get some sleep!"
"Aren't you the loudest one here?" Blake pointed out.
Weiss deepened her scowl. "Look, just because I accepted you for being Faunus doesn't mean you can give me that kind of sass."
"Heh." Yang quipped. "I guess you could say, you're feline annoyed at Blake? Eh?"
No one laughed.
Weiss was the first to respond. "Yang, I can't handle any more dumb things happening. Just let me forget anything I've seen or..." she trailed off.
She paused, her finger was stuck in an advising manner, a trait she inherited from always listening to tutors. The other two questioned the pause until they realized what it meant.
"It's right behind us isn't it?" Blake guessed right.
"I won't let you take us away! Grah!" Yang's fist hit the thick plating only for her wrist to bend as her punch was ineffective, despite it being aura enhanced.
Punching through thick steel wasn't the smartest of ideas, but it was Yang, it practically came with her stereotype.
"Yang, is punching things your first instinct? Maybe it's not that hostile to us since we didn't see this do anything other than appear and go away."
"It can't be, Blake. It's an invader of space and the reason why I couldn't prank Ruby! Leaving it alone would be a threat to my identity."
"Identity? Playing jokes and making puns isn't a personality. It's a disease that you need to cure by going to a carpenter."
"Why a carpenter?" Yang had a genuine question about what Blake meant.
"Because even a doctor can't fix that dreaded humor of yours. A carpenter will have more luck trying to build something from nothing."
"Are you calling me stupid?"
"No, I'm calling you smart."
"Aww, thanks!"
"That's not what I- never mind. So, should we take Weiss and Ruby's unconscious bodies away from here if you really think that it's a threat?"
They both look back at the tank.
They heard it reload its main gun.
"Yes. Yes, we should."
Glynda was having the time of her life, in her hands was the finest wine she could buy from Vale. It wasn't much but when you worked for a crazy person acting as the headmaster, anything can count as a vacation.
She swirled the crimson delight in her glass, the swirling of the pristine and smooth texture hypnotizing her tastebuds just from sight.
Glynda brought it up to her lips and tilted it, enough for only a small sip.
Pure ecstasy spread throughout her cheeks, it pulled and prodded at the best parts of her tongue. She started to smile and relax her stiff expression.
Not to mention the gorgeous smell! She could finally flush out all that annoying scent from the coffee-filled room that was Ozpin's abode. It was more like a den to her since she'd never seen the headmaster do his job.
Ozpin obviously does things but Glynda was given the boring stuff. Glynda almost snapped the stem of the glass from the recollections of those days, even before they graduated from Beacon.
For now, she reveled in the finely pressed consistency of her wine.
All was good.
*BOOM!*
A vein in her temple bulged. Her expression went from a relaxed complexion to the fury that could bend worlds. Her telekineses semblance was acting up, she needed an outlet because of the explosion.
It came from the dorms.
The dorms where team RWBY of Beacon usually stays.
Her riding crop stretched and prepared itself as Glynda set down her set of wine. Her heels clacked on the floor below while the glasses shielding her green eyes slipped from the bridge of her nose.
She readjusts them hastily while traveling down the halls with a vendetta against the troublesome individuals that had been a problem ever since Beacon had its initiation.
*BOOM!*
The blonde turned the corner and another explosion sounded, this time much closer. She was getting closer to reprimanding the fiends that dare to interrupt her alone time, the only time during the weekends when she could let loose!
As soon as she found her way to the location, she had to grasp her head. An aching sensation came as she saw the damage, the entire front of the door to RWBY's dorm was torn open while the hallways had scraped paint and wallpaper with bullet holes dotting the area.
She followed the wake of destruction.
"Goodwitch! Help us!" Yang said while cradling her little sister still sleeping soundly. How she managed to ignore the explosion, no one knows.
Everyone was still in their jammies, but Glynda didn't care. "Team RWBY! You ladies are all in so much trouble!"
"Wait!" Yang protested, and a purple glow caught their clothes. Fearing for their lives they tried warning the school's combat instructor to let them go. "Something is chasing us that wants us dead!"
"Preposterous, the only thing here that wants you dead is the detention you are going to receive at the end of the day for disrupting my alone time- I mean public order!"
Glynda had her semblance controlling the clothing they had, apart from Ruby who was still asleep, she had subdued each member.
"Look!" Yang nudged her struggling body to where she thought the tank that was chasing them was. "...No! It's gone again! Please believe us, Miss Goodwitch!"
She waited and saw the horrified expression of each member.
Perhaps they were telling something.
"I believe..."
Yang's eyes shone, they were going to be taken seriously!
"...that you are all going in my office until the end of the day writing an essay. Your leader is exempted since she appears to be in an unconscious state the whole time."
"What?!"
"It's only appropriate given the amount of destruction you three have caused so early in the morning. Oh and I'll give you all the extra homework until next week for this. First, the police called about you four fighting terrorists and now you're destroying the hallways."
Yang didn't say a word, to Glynda's approval. Maybe the other blonde was seeing sense in not contradicting the disciplinarian's words.
"...Behind you!"
Glynda thought it was a cheap trick to make her look away. "The audacity! Such childish behavior is not going to work on-"
*Ker-chack!*
The machine gun re-engaging as a reload finished echoed the silent hall. Glynda turned around and saw the machine in all its glory. The hallway was tighter but the tank had somehow accommodated itself where it shouldn't be.
Ruby had finally cracked her eyes open during the whole debacle, she was still getting held by her sister, everyone glued their eyes on the tank but Yang prioritized Ruby waking up.
"Ruby! You're awake! Could you somehow strip us naked so we wouldn't be stuck being seized by Miss Goodwitch?"
Ruby sputtered. "Wha- Huh?!" her cheeks flushed red. Yang smiled, Ruby never got used to the things Yang says. "Yang, can you please not do this so early in the morning? I just got the weirdest and most awesomest dream in the world!"
"I don't think that's a word Ruby, but we uh... kinda got ourselves in a situation."
Ruby looked up from her sister's face and gaped at the tank. "Oh. my. gosh!"
"I know right? This thing just appeared out of nowhere and started assaulting us the moment I picked you up. I really think it's the spirit of vengeance."
"Trademarked!" Blake yelled from behind.
Ruby didn't reply, her knees quivered at the thought before she bolted right past Glynda and pushed out so much dust from the floor and walls that she nearly created a smokescreen from how fast she moved.
"Remnant be blessed! I can't believe it! It's... really real!" Ruby practically started molesting the tank all over. The guns, the barrel, the tracks, the armor, and even the vents for the engines. Every detail was being rapidly touched in quick succession and drool leaked from her mouth because of it.
Glynda assumed Ruby had something to do with this. "Care to explain how you brought this into the dorms?"
"I don't think this is supposed to be here! I had this amazing dream of these cool things fighting one another!" The tank in reply started trying to mime out a response, and Ruby widened her silver eyes.
"You! Have! A! Name?!" the young leader shrilled.
The rest of the team was beyond the comprehension of what was happening. "Is she speaking to it?" Weiss observed. "Huh, I didn't know Ruby talked to vehicles too, and not just her weapon Crescent Rose."
Ruby was so enthralled she didn't even stop talking to the tank much to everyone's curiosity. "Uhuh. You did? Yang tried what? Oh, and you met everyone? Hostile? Why would they try? You were just trying to save me? ...semblance?"
"Miss Rose, explain now or I'll have to include you in the list of students I have to punish, along with your friends."
"Sorry, Miss Goodwitch! There's uh... someone that would like to apologize for making you all panic." she ignored the responses of awe at Ruby somehow speaking with the tank. "This." she points to it. "Is Tiger."
""Tiger?"" they all blurted. Even Glynda had time to start being intrigued.
"Tiger meet friends and teacher - teacher and friends meet Tiger. He says he's sorry for shooting you and all that. He thought you were doing something bad to me when you were carrying me so he chased you down."
Glynda didn't want to understand it, another onset of a migraine crept into her head. "Maybe the headmaster will handle this better than I do. I don't even want to deal with whatever nonsense this is."
"Er... Tiger says sorry?"