Waking up is…well, kinda unusual. Not at all what Peebee expected.
Being brought out of cryo way earlier than she should've been might explain that. But Kalinda knows what she's doing. Well, she at least gives off the air of knowing what she's doing. It's relatable, of course. Pellesaria B'Sayle has kinda been doing that her entire adult life.
Wait; misnomer.
She's barely an adult, at least by the standards of a species that lives to see centuries pass through their eyes.
Anyway, as soon as she's thawed and warm and shakes off the nausea and lingering dreaminess of her heretofore fugue state, she realizes that the plan is definitely gonna have to be changed.
Haha because things are fucked.
One of Kalinda's friends (though not one of hers) calls this stuff a "briar patch", and once Peebee does a bit of digging, she learns that, indeed, the analogy is accurate. The Scourge is thorny, a nuisance, and if you let it prick you enough, it will happily bleed you to death.
But then there are uprisings and lots of violence and hurt egos and a lot of anger. Frankly, she can't be bothered because there are a whole lot of things that she knows nothing about in this Heleus Cluster.
And she's gonna discover it all.
Even if Kalinda is kind of a bitch and drops her like a bad habit.
Peebee's old news – a Milky Way Hangover – and who needs something like that in this brand new place, right?
She tries to not let it bother her, of course, but there's something about being discarded that works at the psyche. Sure, she knows that peer approval shouldn't be required, but damn it certainly wouldn't hurt to have a bit of acceptance, right?
Which is exactly what she feels inside her shuttle as she tries to push all that hurt to a little pocket of her mind, hopefully shielded behind her own little Scourge where it can be lost and forgotten.
So, the planet is definitely a bitch. It's like Kalinda got here eons ago, saw the swirling mass of dust and rock and decided to build the planet herself and in her own image. For shits and giggles, she decided to make Eos radioactive, too.
Seems appropriate for that bitch.
It's lonely out here, Peebee won't lie, but right now she's okay with the loneliness. It's better than the alternative of betrayal stabbing her in the gut all the fucking time. Besides, there are alien structures here! I mean, come on!
That there are also killer-machine sentinel things is entirely beside the point. As an added benefit, they add a quiet little note of danger to her little expedition. To be quite honest, it's a bit invigorating.
And then she sees the monster alien guys who look like they have about as much personality as an angry pyjak (are they ever not angry? Whatever). They erect their little shields and their generators and their bases and Peebee is certain of two things: they are entirely too comfortable here, and they are definitely bad news. And she's just one cute little asari who likes playing with technology and stuff.
But she thinks that she's learning about them. The machine things, not the alien things.
They're far more interesting.
They coordinate, they talk to each other, and they really don't like the Scourge nor intruders. So she has to be careful, because aside from the heat and the radiation that kicks up from time to time, she also has to deal with the machine things – "Remnant", she calls them – and the murderous aliens.
Occasionally she'll take her shuttle and skip on back to the Nexus – she knows enough people to have no trouble sneaking back aboard. While there, she can resupply and spend time resting up. It's easy enough keeping a low profile – fuck the right people and you're good to go.
And it's easy to relax in the pleasure of it all. With no commitment, she can just live in an incredibly pleasurable moment.
Besides, orgasms are fun.
"Now that's odd," Peebee notes with a little frown.
Of course she's watching the team of three humans muck about with one of those big Remnant structures she's been fiddling with for the past few months. She doesn't realize that her fists are clenched into tight balls as she watches with great interest.
Who the hell is "Sam"?
She doesn't know, and quite frankly, she doesn't give a shit. At least right now, she doesn't give a shit.
Because what the fuck?! He just stuck his hand out over the console and made shit happen. She has got to find out who this guy is and –
His armor doesn't hurt nearly as much as she thought it would and –
"Hey, guys…"
There are two guns pointed in her direction but the guy she's straddling doesn't seem to mind.
Of course, she would prefer that the guns were pointed elsewhere, but as long as they're not shooting, right?
They agree that they need to figure out what these monoliths do, and that they'll go their separate ways. Scott Ryder – the guy she straddled (so what if she enjoyed it? Sue her.) – gives her their radio frequency to stay in contact.
And boy, does she want to stay in contact.
Three monoliths later, and they're inside the single biggest structure she's seen on this stupid hellscape planet. They've called it a "vault", and once again, she's out here exploring this mind-blowing hub of Remnant tech on her own.
All of this shit is amazing and she scans everything she can and takes what she can carry but holy fuck that was a daring escape, right?
That she blushes – even a little – when he helps her to her feet after the daring escape feels a little ridiculous. The bit of heat in her face reminds Peebee that Kalinda once did that, too.
"Keep your distance," she tells herself.
So it was one of the "Pathfinders" that finally showed up and met her on Eos. And it's not even the real Pathfinder. Nope, he's the Pathfinder's son, which isn't all that bad, because…well, because Peebee can think of worse things to look at while she's on this ship.
Oh, did she mention that? Yup, she is on an actual Andromeda Initiative vessel; like, as a member of the crew and not just as someone trying to go unnoticed. Which is ironic, of course; because that's precisely what she's trying to do here.
Go unnoticed, that is. Especially by that wannabe asari, Cora, and that intrusive little shit of a doctor.
Buuut, she doesn't necessarily want to go unnoticed by everybody. Nope. Because that damn Pathfinder? He's an interesting one.
Scott Ryder is indeed interesting and boy, does he have a lot on his plate. But instead of being abrasive or angry at the world, he's this odd mix of aloof, jokey-yet-broody, and entirely too charming. Way too charming. More charming than he has any right to be.
And the strangest thing about him?
He checks up on her. Like, he'll pop into the escape pod that she basically commandeered herself. Clearly he'd been exasperated at the flippancy with which everyone (including Vetra and the old krogan, Drack) had claimed parts of the ship as their own, and in truth she might've felt a little badly. But if he held a grudge about it with any of them, he didn't show it. It was a development for which she was eternally thankful.
So of course he knocks on her door as she's in the middle of brooding once again about that Kalinda. She has to let this go, right? Because, you know, it's been a while now and –
"Hey Peebee, got a sec?"
"For you, I have a few secs."
Peebee has, from time-to-time, been known to insert her dainty asari feet directly into her mouth. There was that time at her father's birthday (How the hell are you so slow?), that one time she insulted the head researcher about her tastes in men, that other time –
His smirk spreads. "Geez, Peebee. I never knew you felt that way. But only a 'few'?"
It's rare to see an asari blush in that "no holds barred" over-the-top way that she's seen him do, but man, she is very red right now.
But that he even made that little joke tells her a little something about him. He likes to flirt, and maybe he's a little interested in…you know…her. That's a very dangerous notion for her to try and process right now.
So, arm's length it is. At least mentally, anyway.
"Oh, shut it, Ryder. But, anyway…what's up?"
He takes two steps in, still hesitant in what he clearly sees as her territory. "Just wanted to check and see how you were settling in." He smiles a little too easily for her liking. She's seen that easy smile on a few too many people already. "I mean, it is an escape pod for crying out loud."
Peebee can't help but laugh despite herself. "Afraid I'll just kick off outta here without even a 'see ya later'?"
He smirks back. "Something like that. Besides, Tann would try to kill me if I came back to the Nexus minus an escape pod and our resident Asari Rem-tech expert with no good reason."
She considers this for a moment. Considers if that's all that he means. She halts that line of thought pretty quickly with a wave of her hand.
Peebee wishes she knew what honesty looked like.
"Nah, I'll stick around for a little while longer."
"Oh?"
She scoffs. "Where else am I gonna find such a sweet ride that's as invested in Rem-tech as I am?"
"Uh…nowhere?"
She points at him. "Exactly!"
Peebee stays awake too much when she should be sleeping.
It's not necessarily a new thing, but it is bothersome. There are too many thoughts that like to rattle around her head, and it's already too full as it is.
Sometimes she thinks of the Remnant and those thoughts keep her awake. Sometimes it's the stress of the mission – after all, her obsession with the Remnant won't be worth a shit if the Kett manage to destroy them all. Other times it's the Mily Way and all that she left behind, which admittedly wasn't a whole hell of a lot, but sometimes she missed the familiar.
Give a girl a break, okay? She can't be Miss Gung Ho Discovery all the time.
Other times she thinks about Kailnda and what she did to her.
Other times she thinks about Scott and what she wants him to do to her.
Mostly she wonders how long she can keep her walls up.
Perks of living in an escape pod airlock: it's out of the way, it's quiet, it's essentially soundproof, and now Peebee can add "zero-g floating space" to the list.
So when she can't think straight, she floats.
She knows her head's been clouded. Usually, those clouds are in the shape of her old flame Kalinda. She's invasive and corrosive and once she enters Peebee's head, she never seems to want to leave. She taunts her with her smiles and her words, her light touches that seem to know just where she wants them. She taunts her with that smile that reminds Peebee that maybe you never really know anyone.
Other times she's stymied by the Remnant.
Every time she thinks she's making a breakthrough with some of the Rem-tech they've gathered, something she didn't account for acts up and she starts from square one again. The problem is that she can't pull back far enough to see the whole picture.
And still other times she dwells on her current situation.
She has to have an escape route planned, an easy out for when the people she's with get too close and become too dangerous. There's value in safety and pain is a pretty nasty bitch.
Fool me once shame on you.
Fool me twice shame on me.
After the first time, Peebee's pretty sure she's got enough shame as it is. A second time might prove too much.
Especially since Ryder seems like exactly the type of person that could fool her.
With a sigh, she closes her eyes and feels all of these thoughts recede into the ether as her mind clears.
She floats on.
Scott is an annoying little shit.
Which is to say that he's sweet, unwaveringly kind, and flirts with anything that he's physiologically capable of fucking. What really gives her pause is when he doesn't, when he stops by her little secluded room and helps her try to figure this stuff out. He's not a great technician or engineer (but his biotics? Holy shit, even Cora looks stunned from time to time), but he's curious and interested and his link with SAM more than makes up for what he lacks in expertise. Of course, his particular insight into the way Remnant technology seems to work also helps.
Peebee doesn't pry too much into what he's thinking, outside of the mundane niceties of small talk. But it's pleasant enough and she doesn't actually mind it. Sometimes there are hints of something a little darker lurking beneath the surface of his flirting and his little jokes.
"You know, for someone who says that he 'doesn't know tech', you sure seem to know about tech. What's the story, Ryder? Spill it." She nudges him in the side with a smirk.
He responds unexpectedly. He sighs and puts his tools down.
"I was never stationed anywhere with anything going on. It was always backwater places for me, no matter how hard I worked or how good I was. It left me with a lot of time."
"What do you mean?"
The corner of his mouth twitches. "Backwater assignments, anything and anyplace they could just tuck me away. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. I learned a few things with all that down time. Of course, it was no fun being the son of Alec Ryder. It never left much room for Scott Ryder, if you know what I mean."
Her hands freeze holding her tools, there's a knot in her stomach because somewhere Peebee can see where this is going. She ignores it anyway. "Yeah, I…think I can get that. It's not the same, but Kalinda kinda had that aura about her, too."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, when we would go to parties or get-togethers with her snooty little friends." The words are acid she's spitting from her mouth. "I felt so out of place. Like it was all her all the time, and I was just some kind of pet." Eyes away from him and back to her tools. "Of course, I never really had friends of my own, just hers. Fuck. What am I even saying?"
"The truth. The truth is what you're saying. Feels weird, right?" He just looks at her with those eyes of his and there's a kind of fire tucked in there just under the surface. Peebee thinks he sees her and sees through her.
She looks away, unable to stand under the gaze any longer.
He clears his throat. "Well if it makes you feel any better," there's a glint to his eyes now showing that the moment of seriousness has passed and the joker is back out preening for her, "you'd make a really smart pet. A pet I wouldn't mind being around." A pause. "Can I rub your head? I can scratch behind you ears if you want."
"Ryder, you're such an asshole!" She doesn't mean it, of course, because she's laughing and blushing. She punches him in the arm.
His face turns serious. "She, um, hasn't bothered you again, right? Like she hasn't shown up to your apartment or anything again?"
He is too sweet, too attentive.
"Nah, I think you scared her off for a while." The smile she gives him carries her unspoken thanks.
"Hmm. Good." He stops to consider something. "And for the love of God, Peebee, call me 'Scott'. You sound like one of my COs when you just use my last name, and you're way cuter than any of those assholes."
She laughs. "Okay, Scott. Didn't realize I was still doing it."
He chuckles as they return to their work, and neither of them brings any of this up again.
"This is stupid. It's a stupid idea. He's gonna say 'no' and then it'll just be embarrassing and make things weird. But it's no big deal! Definitely not a big deal. A bit of fun; stress relief, that's all!"
Peebee is pacing in her escape pod qua quarters, hands flailing wildly as she tries to work this out. "But what if he sees it as a big deal? He's human, they only get, like, a hundred years and what if he'd rather spend his time with someone serious about this kind of thing?" She slaps her forehead with a gloved hand. "Fuck it. Here we go."
"SAM?"
"Yes, Pelessaria? What can I do for you?"
There's a wry smirk as she bristles slightly at the use of her given name. "Can…is Scott, um, busy?"
"Scott is currently unoccupied in his quarters."
"Could you tell him to come see me?"
"Of course."
It's a few minutes before he shows up and the first thing he does is flash her that smile, like he's happy to be here.
"Hey, so, I kinda had a question."
He takes a couple steps into her room, a bit of concern on his face. "Okay. Do you need a few days off? Wanna go spelunking through another Vault? We can go back to Voeld. We haven't cleared that one yet, so it might be a little dangerous. Wait, it's cold as fuck there. Scratch that idea." He pauses, hand on chin, thinking. "You don't wanna do Poker Night anymore? I know that Gil is an ass and always wins but -"
"Scott, please stop."
He straightens up, frowning. "Yeah, shit. Sorry, Peebs. Go ahead."
This is not at all how she wanted to approach this, it's way too serious. The idea of hiding behind Poc is a tempting one.
Or blasting herself out in the escape pod.
"Scott, how are you sleeping? You seem a little stressed."
Oh, that's what she's opening with.
"What kind of question is that? You sound like Lexi."
Shit, she'd meant to use that as a segue into her not sleeping. Now he's defensive.
Maybe she should laugh it off?
Peebee tries it, taking flirtatious steps toward him as she speaks.
"Shit, you got me there. But you know there are other ways we could relieve stress. Just between us. No strings or anything, just a bit of fun in a zero-g chamber."
For a few moments, he just looks at her and she doesn't really know what to do or say. She hates being scrutinized, being the center of attention. But she knows that she brought this on herself.
Scott clears his throat, scratching the back of his neck.
"Peebee, are you asking if I want to have sex with you…for stress relief?"
"Uh…kinda?"
"Huh," is all he says, surrounding it with silence.
Boy, is the silence loud. It's so loud that she can't stand it. "Soooo, that's a 'no' I take it?"
He slowly nods. "Yeah, uh, that's a 'no,' Peebs."
"Fuck," she mutters softly and her face is now very hot. "Can I ask why not?"
Finally, Scott smiles at her. "I dunno. I just think sex should be, ya know, special. Between people that love each other...or are in love. I know it's kinda hokey and old-fashioned, but…"
"It's just how you feel." Well, shit. Her eyes are downcast. "You think I'm an idiot, don't you?"
He steps forward. "Nah. Just horny and with a brain that's maybe a little overclocked. But I mean it, sometimes the strings are worth it."
"So, uh, we're still okay right? I didn't just gross you out or scare you off?"
Somewhere in her head there's a voice asking her why exactly she cares.
"It'd take more than a kinda awkward invite to have zero-g sex with my super-cute friend to scare me off. I mean, you do know I fight Kett for a living, right?"
Laughing, she punches his shoulder. "And Tann, too."
He rolls his eyes. "Fuck. Can't forget about Tann." He turns to leave, then stops. "Hey, do you mind if I come by later? I know you've been working on a scanner upgrade for Poc. Do you want some help?"
Oh yes, that sounds righteous. They're still cool, then.
"Yeah, Scott. I'll message you later. But, um, you still wanna do the," she gestures over her shoulder to the airlock, "zero-g thing at least? Nothing extra? We can just kinda float around and chill. I don't bite, promise."
She's convinced that she has, in fact, scared him off, but that smirk has returned.
"Fuck it. Why not?"
It's a small win, but she'll take it.
FOR. FUCK'S. SAKE.
Peebee hates Kadara.
It's humid, the mayor…governor…queen…is a bitch and a thug, and the planet has water that actively tries to kill you.
But that's not the worst.
It's Scott. Per the norm.
"Scott Ryder! Is this how all humans travel?" Peebee would laugh at Jaal's innocently hilarious question if she wasn't busy trying to keep her lunch inside her body.
"Oh yeah, Jaal! All the time!" He looks over to Peebee, who is bouncing like a drunk ragdoll in the seat next to him. The safety straps are for decoration only, it seems. "It's great fun. Right, Peebee?"
"Don't listen to him, Jaal. Scott's an ass and a terrible driver."
"I resent that! Take that back or I swear to God I'll open your door and kick you out!"
"Oh I don't think so, Scott! Remember, I can mind meld you and know every little secret you've got."
He looks genuinely concerned. "Peebs, you…you wouldn't, right?"
She grins, full devil on display before she realizes that he's serious. "No, of course not! That…I would never!" To her horror, she starts blushing and looks away.
"Oh. Okay, cool." He shoots her a smile that's warmer than it needs to be and then focuses back on the driving, narrowly avoiding flying off a cliff. "Haha, sorry guys!"
"Do not apologize! I have not had this much fun in a long time!" Jaal is way too excited by these near-death experiences.
Next to him, Cora rolls her eyes.
Peebee is definitely gonna throw up.
He's still doing it.
Smiling at her, that is. And yeah she's pretty smart but she sucks at feelings and the smile isn't helping.
Especially since she's trying everything to rebuild her walls because let's face it – the constant pounding in her chest is becoming a little distracting and probably unhealthy.
And there is no way in hell that she's going to bring this up to Lexi. She knows too much as it is.
To her own consternation, she actively avoids him.
Especially with Kalinda still living rent-free in her head. Peebee knows that not everyone is like her, that Scott isn't like her, but she's not ready to take that chance, is she?
Maybe limiting her exposure will help.
"That's what Lexi would say, right Poc?"
"Maybe that's the problem," she thinks the converted Remnant Observer argues back.
She finds him in the kitchen when she's just trying to make some tea.
He looks at her but substitutes a wave for a verbal greeting.
She waves back but stops. There's a look on his face that implies he wants to say something. She huffs and faces him. His eyes are kind and maybe a little hurt. "What?"
"You're avoiding me."
"I'm avoiding everyone."
"If you say so."
For a moment she just stands there with her tea in one hand, looking at him.
"Did I do something wrong? Piss you off? I thought we were friends. Hell, we floated and I even gave you a super-cool nickname, which, by the way, I have never ever done before."
"Liar."
He shrugs. "Maybe. But only a little. You are the only person in this entire galaxy that has a cool Pathfinder-approved nickname. So seriously, Peebs: what'd I do? I promise not to do it again." He smirks, but there is sincerity in his eyes. "Well, I might do it again if it's funny enough. But I promise I won't mean it."
He's not gonna make it easy.
Maybe that's a good thing.
"Ah, damn it. Fine. You're right. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not you. Happy now?"
"What? Why the hell would I be happy that you're avoiding me for apparently no reason?"
"No, just…" she sees something in his face and he sighs in a way that makes her think he just realized something.
"You know what? It's okay Peebee. Just…I'm here if you need me, all right? We're friends and you can't get rid of me that easily."
She goes to say something, but instead simply nods before leaving. The sound of his sigh follows her on the way out.
"You can't be serious," she slurs at the alcove displays.
The Asari vaguely remembers that she came here earlier – this museum on Aya – and then…ran out? It's a little hard to recall these details so easily right now, okay? But there's a good reason.
Maybe. Still kinda hard to remember.
The air in here is thick with floral aromas and humidity. It feels cumbersome. Maybe it's the alcohol?
Peebee swivels her head around languidly, not entirely certain of what all these blurred shapes are.
She lets out a sour burp before chuckling.
"Problem, Peebs?"
"Huh," she asks as she turns with a wobble to find what she thinks is Scott Ryder looking back at her. And of course he's smirking because why the hell not? "No, uh, no problem. I think. Wait. Does it look like there's a problem? Because there shouldn't be. I…I came in through there," she tries to turn and point to the door but almost topples over, "and that's a…that's a valid entry point." She punctuates this by jabbing a finger into Scott's chest.
"I see." He steadies her with a hand on her shoulder before looking around for the Angaran caretaker.
"Hey Scott?" There's such mirth in his eyes, but also –
"You want to get outta here, Peebs?"
Another nasty burp, then a nod. She feels his arm slide around her waist and the next thing she knows she's back outside.
It's a bench they're on. Maybe. Probably.
She tries to sit up but she's suddenly very tired. The world looks strange, too. Why are the trees growing from right to left? That's not normal, right? At least it shouldn't be. What's propping her head up? Whatever it is, it smells a bit like chocolate and something like cinnamon. Peebee would look over to find out but damn it she's so tired now.
"Hey. So how come you were a standing drunk in the Angaran 'Museum of History'?"
Oooh, the voice rumbles through her body. It's pleasant, comforting. For whatever reason, she leans her head further into the source. The supporting arm tightens a little around her waist. She doesn't try nor want to pull away.
"It's the Reposit…Repo…yeah, 'Museum' works. I was not…" a mighty belch escaped from her, entirely without her permission. "Okay, I concede. I was maybe a little drunk."
"Not exactly news, Peebee."
"What…whatever. Remember, I can fry your brain."
"You wouldn't."
Another sigh. "No, of course I wouldn't. Doesn't mean I don't like using the threat."
"So…?"
"So…I got sad."
"Sad?"
"Yeah, sad."
"Can you narrow it down? Maybe I can help."
"Unless you can make the Angara 'undiscover' all that cool shit back there, I highly doubt it. Pathfinder or not." She still looks out at the wrong-angled trees. "Whatever's out here has already been done. Shit, the Angara even have Remnant stuff on display. On display, Scott."
"And?"
"What do you mean 'and'? It's…none of it's new. It's the Milky Way all over again, just with a different coat of paint."
"Okay, so they found some Rem-tech. So what? We figured out what it could do. We've started piecing together what the Remnant's purpose was. Hell, you made an Observer! Do you know how cool that is? So, yeah, maybe we're not the first on the scene, but we're the first to figure shit out."
She doesn't really know how to respond. It was true, all of it, but a part of her still wants to be stubborn about it. "Yeah, maybe. But we still weren't the -"
A low rumble erupts from her stomach. Scott laughs at her.
"Peebee, when's the last time you ate?"
"Um…that's actually a good question."
She feels his arm slide off of her and she misses it immediately, but he stands up and offers her a hand instead. "C'mon. Let's go take care of that."
"Ugh. Standing up? You're lucky you're cute."
Teasingly, he laughs. "More like you're lucky you're cute."
"Wait…isn't that what I just said?"
"Yeah, but also no." He pulls her to feet and she's a little steadier now, despite the world swirling around a little still.
He pats her on the shoulder but otherwise that's the only contact they have as they walk.
She finds that she misses his touch.
She wonders why that is.
…
…
Does this mean she's not avoiding him anymore?
It's 2:42 on the Tempest, and as per the norm, she can't sleep.
Not per the norm, she finds Scott sitting in the kitchen with his hair slicked back and a still-damp T-shirt hugging his chest.
She doesn't bother to knock.
"Hey hey. Can't sleep?"
Despite her recent policy of convenient avoidance, she's pulled in toward him again.
There's a flash of surprise before it disappears behind a smirk. His eyes are red and puffy. "Nah. I see you couldn't either."
"Yeah, but you know I keep odd hours. Hell, this is almost lunchtime for me."
He chuckles a little, but it's a tired sound. "I'm sure Lexi would love to hear that."
She sits across from him.
"Well, she doesn't have to know, does she?"
"I'm pretty sure she already does."
"Shit. Probably." She breaks off the other end of the nutrition bar that's sitting in front of him and pops it into her mouth. It's nutty with a hint of sweetness. She reaches across and pokes his forehead. "So what's up?"
"That obvious?"
"Hmm. Kinda, yeah."
He breaks off a bit of the bar and tosses it into his mouth. "Can I compile a list?"
She crosses her arms. "Well, I'm sure you could, but we're talking here, bud. Lay it on me, I'm wide awake."
"Hmm. Come on then."
They get up and she's led around the corner into his quarters. She's been in here before, usually just to bullshit or when he wants to show her one of his dumb as fuck Blasto! vids. She humors him because…well, because maybe he's the first friend that actually let's her in, for once. And as much as she doesn't want to admit it, she kinda likes the stupid vids.
"So what is it?"
He tosses a datapad to her from his desk.
"Play the last entry."
"Last entry…?"
So she does.
Peebee hasn't met Sara yet. She never met Alec, and she certainly never met Scott's mother.
She is meeting them now – along with a side of Scott that she both recognizes and never imagined existed. He looks vulnerable.
The Ryders are on a beach, all four of them. She can't see Alec, but hears his voice. He's clearly the camera operator.
"Is this on the Citadel?"
He nods. "One of their obviously fabricated beaches."
It's a very young Scott and equally young Sara that she's watching. They can't be more than maybe ten or eleven? Peebee's only skimmed over this kind of information for humans. It's a best guess.
She watches as the camera shakes when Alec laughs, she smiles when she sees the smile on Ellen's face and the coy looks she gives the camera. Then the camera shakes and the view shifts to show a rugged human man who bears a striking resemblance to the much younger man now in front of her. Then she hears the playful voice of Ellen Ryder ask how he "likes it now". All the while she hears splashing and the laughter of the youngest Ryders - the only ones that are still alive. The camera pans over, and Peebee is staring directly at the siblings as they are frozen in place, clearly caught wrestling in the sand. The Asari smiles at the sheepish looks they both give the camera, with Sara slowly releasing her brother from a headlock, a cheeky "you caught me" grin on her face.
"The video is over forty minutes long, Peebee. You can stop it now. You get the idea."
Cautiously, she hands it back.
"Your eyes were red – still are. You okay?"
"I don't know. I should be, right? I mean it's not like Mom hasn't been gone and…"
Peebee freezes in place. She knows what's coming. As soon as she recognized Scott in the vid, she knew it. She's never really done this before. She doesn't know how to be a friend to someone else, a real friend, not just one of convenience. But maybe she'll try.
"Doesn't matter. You're upset." She sighs. "Listen, I suck at this but even I can tell that." She sits on the couch near his work desk, patting the seat next to her. "Park it, buddy. You're about the only person I'd do this for, so you'd better feel pretty honored."
He chuckles and takes a seat next to her, running a hand through his hair.
"Tell me about your mom?"
He looks at her almost apologetically.
"Well, she was smart. Sassy. She kept dad on his toes and all of us in line. She liked to ice skate; she grew up in the Northern United States on Earth. Winters got pretty cold there. I've only ever been once, but it was during the summer. She loved strawberry ice cream. She liked to dance but wasn't great at it. Never stopped her. She was quick with a joke and could read me and Sara like a book. She was there in ways that dad never was. She called me and Sara her 'peas' because she liked to say that we were peas in a pod. It's an old human expression."
Peebee listens as intently as she can while he speaks. No one has ever spoken so candidly to her about something so personal. Quietly, she slips off her gloves, and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay to miss her."
For the first time in a long time, she lowers her walls long enough to let someone else lower theirs.
About an hour later, she slips through the dim light of his quarters and back out into the rest of the world. She tries to forget the feel of his head in her lap as he spoke, as he confided in her in a way that no one had ever done before.
He'd finally been able to sleep.
She loves these vaults. They're fun, they're a little dangerous, but most of all they're exciting.
The scanner that she and Scott have been tinkering with is starting to come together, and the final end product is almost completely visible now. These excursions only add to her excitement because there's bound to be more Rem-tech, and Scott is just as excited as she is to figure out what it's all for.
Here on Eladaan, they finally enter the vault and leave the suffocating heat behind.
"This thing had better take care of that heat. Holy shit."
"A little too warm for you, eh Ryder?" Liam is smirking as he asks this.
"No Liam, I can deal with 'too warm'. Eos is 'warm'. This? Man, my balls are practically swimming. Damn it."
Peebee can't help but snort a laugh at that. He always has some insane thing to say, and that she can't predict it only makes her enjoy him more.
"How 'bout you, Peebee? How're your balls?"
"Just fine, Scott, thanks."
He grins at her and Eladaan isn't the only thing that's sweltering right now.
"Anyway, how 'bout we get this party started?"
He does something (probably with SAM) and the familiar light spawns from the hovering blue orb.
He faces them and then, with his arms outstretched at his sides and his incomparably wide smile, he simply falls back.
He laughs all the way down.
Peebee takes a few quick steps forward before turning back to Liam. "Well? Coming?"
She lets herself fall back into the gravity-well, eyes closed and smiling at the feeling of weightlessness. It reminds her of her zero-g floating sessions, and she wishes that Scott would join her again.
She slams her tools down on the table, cursing and slumping heavily into her chair. It's no use, she can't concentrate anywhere, and it's obvious why.
She hates SAM, and SAM is everywhere and in everything. Including him. Especially him.
She hates that she saw what it did to him. Hates that the Archon left Scott with no other choice.
She hates that she watched him die.
That he came back, was resuscitated as SAM had said it could, was of little consequence. After all, it's hard to shake the feeling of watching someone (you love) you care about expire in front of you, regardless of the happy ending.
Peebee had never been more afraid of anything in her life, and she's still shaking as a result.
"Pellasaria, are you troubled?"
Super. It wants to talk to her.
"What do you think? Since you bothered to talk to me, clearly you think so."
"You are troubled. Does it stem from the events on the Archon's ship?"
She sighs. Why is she going to indulge it?
"You could say that."
"I apologize. At the time, there were no other viable alternatives to that course of action."
"Yeah, I know. I just…"
Just what, exactly?
That he could be killed – for real – next time? That she might have these feelings…whatever they are and then he'd be taken away?
"I'm not ready to lose him, SAM."
"When are we ready to lose anyone, Pelassaria?"
"That's a shitty question to ask, you know."
"I apologize. It was not rhetorical."
"If that's the case, then I don't really have an answer for you."
There's a pause and she thinks that she scared it off.
"I was not ready to lose Scott either."
That had been an unexpected response. She shakes her head amidst wide eyes. Then her brows knit in worry. "You and me both, sentient-AI-human-hybrid thing. You and me both."
Scott's been avoiding her. Okay, maybe not, because they do still talk to each other, but they're not talking to each other. It's instead a series of automated responses and scripted facial expressions that he utilizes when they're all together in a group. During meetings or little pockets of discussion, he appears to be just as "normal" as any other time, which makes their current situation even more grating.
Because she can see that something's wrong. Well, it's more like she can feel that something's wrong. Okay, maybe it's just in her head, but damn it, things are just different and it started right after the incident on the Archon's ship.
Ha. "Incident" is such an inadequate word and it turns her stomach just thinking it. Peebee's been trying to process her emotions about the whole thing and she's not sure if she cares too much because she's worried about him or that she cares too little because she hasn't approached him about it. Either way, she's uncomfortable.
"This needs to stop," she says to no one in particular. "SAM, where's Scott?"
"He is in his quarters, though I should mention that he has asked to not be disturbed."
That seals the deal. Not once has Peebee heard that he didn't want to be disturbed. Hell, if anything he made a habit of being the disturbance.
"Bullshit," she mutters as she climbs down the ladder, on her way to being a disturbance herself.
When she stands outside his door, she's still too angry to be nervous, and she presses the button to alert him of her presence. She waits a few seconds before pressing again.
"Pelessaria, Scott has -"
"I don't give a shit, SAM. He's dealing with something and he's dealing with it on his own. Now let me in."
A pause and her breath catches. She doesn't want to go to Lexi…fuck, anyone but Lexi…but she will if she has to. She will if she can help her friend.
"Very well, Pelessaria."
When the door slides open, she is a little taken aback. She wasn't sure what exactly she expected to find in here, but the room is surprisingly…neat; tidy. There were no stray datapads lying about, no random bits of clothing. Only his gigantic headphones sit on the bedside table. Peebee panics because he's not there – she'd expected him to be laying down, asleep maybe. She scans the room again and this time spots him lying on the couch wearing only a pair of blue athletic shorts. An arm hangs languidly off the side, the other covers his eyes. There is untidy stubble adorning his face.
He looks like shit.
His quarters aren't as tidy as she first thought, either. Indeed, there are two short glasses on his desk, one of which still holds a brown liquid. The bottle that contained said liquid sits on the floor and is thankfully still vertical.
Peebee knew that he drank from time-to-time; their escapades with Reyes for the bit of time that they were on Kadara were enough to confirm that much. But now? Well, this is obviously unhealthy. Gingerly, she steps alongside him, kneeling down so that they're at eye-level.
"Hey," she says gently as she slides the bottle away from them. "It's me, Peebs." She chuckles a little at the sound of his nickname for her. It sounds so strange to hear it from herself, there's not nearly as much mirth when it's not in his voice. "You okay?"
"Nnnhhh…"
She smirks a little. "Well at least I know you're alive. I didn't wanna have to call Lexi in here. I almost did."
"Not…Lexi…"
"Okay, then. No Lexi."
"Mmmkay."
Hesitantly he pulls his arm from his eyes. "So bright…"
Peebee jogs to the wall and dims the lights. "That better?"
"Mmmhmm."
She returns and sits on the floor. "I've missed you, ya know."
He still doesn't open his eyes that are red and swollen (he's been crying), but he reaches in her general direction. "Hand…"
She hesitates, hearing but not understanding. "Um, what?"
"Haaaaand, Peebs."
He flexes his fingers to accentuate the point. Finally understanding (but not really understanding), she slips a shaky hand into his. Immediately he wraps his fingers around hers and squeezes with conviction.
He opens his eyes, finally, and they are as red as she suspected they'd be. "Thanks for stopping by."
"Of course I'd stop by, you idiot. I may have yelled at SAM though."
"'S'fine. He'll get over it."
They stay that way – him lying down, his eyes on her while she stays on the floor finding their joined hands incredibly interesting.
She clears her throat. "You should probably get to your bed, yeah? This can't be comfortable."
"It's worked so far."
"Yeah, but you look like shit and you need to sober up."
"But I don't…" He starts as he slowly gets to his feet on unsteady legs. Peebee quietly wonders how long he'd been that way.
"SAM?"
"Yes, Pelassaria?"
"How long has the Boy Wonder been awake?"
"Scott has slept for three hours and twenty-seven minutes over the last seventy-two hours."
She crosses her arms, a smug look on her face.
"Traitor…"
"Don't blame SAM. C'mon, silly. You need to sleep."
He sighs, but allows her to lead him to the bed and…tuck him in.
"Okay, I'm gonna go, but tomorrow you and I are gonna talk, all right?"
She's about to turn and leave when she feels a hand on her wrist, pulling her back.
"Don't go? Stay? With me?"
Peebee gasps – there are tears welling in his eyes and she's only ever seen him cry once before. But even then, he never looked so desperate. Her eyes flick between him and the door and then she sighs.
"Okay. I'll stay. But no funny business; that ship already sailed."
He gives her an appreciative smile. "Wouldn't dream of it, Peebs."
"Yes you would."
"Okay, maybe."
She slips off her boots and hesitates. "Do you have anything I can wear?"
"Scott has several shirts and loungewear that may be appropriate sleepwear, Pelassaria. The closet is to your right, within the wall."
"Thanks, SAM."
A few minutes later she returns from the neighboring shower room clean and wearing a plain white t-shirt that hangs off her and a pair of black athletic shorts that barely stay on her waist. She pads over and slips under the covers.
Scott is laying on his side, his back to her. He reaches his hand behind him, flailing a little and obviously seeking hers. She gives it to him.
"Peebee?" His voice is thick with emotion.
"Yeah, Scott?"
"Thank you."
"O-of course. What are friends for, right?"
An hour later, her arm is holding him to her chest as she strokes his hair. He sleeps soundly.
He mumbles something she can't quite make out.
"What was that?" she whispers.
"Mmph…love…you…Peebs…"
To her surprise, she doesn't feel shocked and she's not panicking. It feels a little weird that she's not.
"Yeah, I know," she whispers to herself with words barely audible.
Peebee places a gentle kiss in his hair.
She falls asleep with surprisingly little trouble.
When she wakes up, she's alone. It's not a new development, but it is in this case wildly unexpected.
Because she wakes up in his bed. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she scans the room – the Pathfinder's quarters – to find that she's actually the only one in the whole damn room.
"So much for getting your rest, you ass," she mutters.
She's just finished changing back into her clothes and is sitting on the bed about to put her boots back on when the doors slide open. Scott appears, completely dressed in full Andromeda Initiative™ attire. He looks refreshed.
His eyes avert hers, but he smirks at her. "Hey."
"Hey."
There are a few seconds of silence, and the air of what remains unsaid is thick between them.
"You look better today. You sleep okay?"
He nods, sitting next to her on the bed. "Yeah. Thanks."
"You wanna talk about it?"
He runs a hand through his hair. "I…no? But I will. To you."
"Now?"
He chuckles. "Yeah, now. You got anywhere else you need to be?"
"Nope. Just here."
"Good, 'cause I would definitely abuse my authority as Pathfinder to keep you here."
"Oh? When have I ever given a shit about 'Pathfinder authority'?"
"Fair. And if I asked as a friend that needed to talk?"
"Stupid question. I'm already in your room."
He sighs, but it's not a tired one. "Okay then. Just…be patient."
Peebee smiles softly. She hopes she's doing this right. "Not one of my strong suits, but…take your time."
He flops back on the bed, eyes unfocused and trained on the ceiling.
"It was easy to forget how dangerous this can all be. Back in the Milky Way, I was a nobody and was pretty much bored to tears. Being bored meant being safe. And of course we didn't know what we would find out here, but you know, dad was the Pathfinder and a former N7. He was a professional. A shitty father, but a hell of a soldier. And then Cora, well for fuck's sake, she trained with elite Asari commandos. It doesn't get much more hardcore than those two, right? I expected to do some exploring, maybe have to pump the biotics from time-to-time and shoot a few riled up critters, but dad and Cora would do a lot of the heavy lifting. I never expected to…I never expected any of this." He waves his hand around the room for emphasis. "As soon as dad died and he made me his replacement, I knew it could happen. Dying, I mean. Well, I knew it could happen, but he kinda made it more real? And then with Sara stuck where she is…I dunno." He rolls over on his side, facing her. "I know we all joke and laugh and have a good time, but there are some nights…it's so dangerous out here." He's silent for what feels like hours and she wonders if that'll be all she gets from him today.
"Maybe I took it for granted, maybe I didn't. I don't know. It's easy to get caught up in that high of success, you know?"
And you know what? She does know. For every bit of success she's had with translating Rem-tech into something viable and useful, there are countless other times when she gets nowhere. Or there are moments when she half-expects Kalinda to pop her stupid, conniving, lying head back up from the ether and cause a shitshow. Yes, Pelessaria B'Sayle is very aware of the thin line between success and failure.
She only nods in response. When he reaches for her hand, she freely gives it.
"And maybe I was caught up in it." He shakes his head. "I was so cocky on the Archon's ship, Peebs. So cocky…"
She lies on her back alongside him, hands still interlocked. He squeezes.
"Peebee, I know what it's like to die." In his pause she squeezes back.
He doesn't give her time to think.
"Humans have always wondered what happens to us when we die. To be honest it's been on my mind a lot with dad and Sara."
There's a part of her that wants to run from this, from him. She recalls all too well how she had felt watching him –
"They say your life flashes before your eyes. That everything you've ever done unfurls in front of you and then…that's it. But it wasn't like that for me." He squeezes her hand and Peebee rolls over, facing him. His eyes are closed still. "I saw everything else. Everything I wanted to do, everything I wouldn't do. That's kinda what I've been wrestling with."
"Hey Scott, don't get too caught up in your head, yeah? Think of it like this: you've kinda got a leg up on everyone else. You know what you'll miss. That might actually be pretty cool to know, if not a little morbid?"
He rolls over and faces her and there's something in his expression that excites and scares her.
"Speaking of things I want to do…"
Instantly, she remembers those few words he sleepily muttered the previous night, and her heart speeds up into FTL. If that is what he's going to…
His hand leaves hers and cups her cheek, and before she can fully articulate what's happening, his lips meet hers.
It's quiet and a little unsure, his kiss. He's asking questions with it, probing, trying to learn. Wanting to convey his feelings while showing her that there's nothing to be afraid of from him.
'Is this okay,' his kiss asks.
A soft moan leaves her lips, and she kisses him back.
'Yes,' her kiss answers.
They have an entire conversation without saying a word.
"Lexi, I'm gonna need you to shut it."
The doctor grins at her like a supervillain.
She'd hurt herself on their last mission, taking out one of those stupidly big Remnant Architects. Too many enemies, too much chaos. She knew why Scott brought her along – it's Remnant, duh – but that battle was probably better suited to someone a bit more combat-y. Yeah, her biotics are good but not great and her on-field tech skills are good but not great, but she's not sure if her Remnant expertise offsets that.
"Peebee, is that any way to talk to your doctor? After all, it's just a question."
She almost growls at her. How dare her! Asking personal questions! Wanting to know things about her feelings. Hell, she couldn't even give voice to those feelings had she wanted to!
"No, but it's the only way I'm talking to you…about that."
The doctor opens her mouth, retort ready on her tongue, when Scott enters the medbay. He makes a beeline for Peebee, who blushes at the attention.
"How is she, Lexi?"
"Well, she's going to be a little sore for a day or two. I would leave her on the Tempest, if at all possible, for at least the next twenty-four hours."
"So no permanent damage? No amputations? Hearing still intact?"
Peebee is trying not to laugh as Lexi attempts to filter the serious questions from the silly.
"What? I…she'll be fine, Scott."
"Ah, good." She takes his hand and hops off the bed. "So no need for her to stay then."
As he leads her out, Peebee turns and sticks her tongue out at the doctor, who is only shaking her head.
"I'll make sure she rests, Lexi!" He calls over his shoulder, a laugh on his lips.
She's grateful and she laughs too, but she also knows that she's not doing anything except laying in his bed or sitting on the couch with him for at least the next day or two.
There are worse fates, to be sure.
Sara Ryder is quite a lot like her brother, Peebee finds.
She's got sass and they have quite a bit in common, based on the few conversations she has with her. It'll be a lot of fun – or chaos…probably both – once she's completely back on her feet and the three of them can go cause chaos across the Cluster.
For now though, she has to wait for her to get her strength back.
What Peebee doesn't have to wait for is Scott gaining another bounce in his step. His smile is a little easier to find, it's a little brighter and he pours this new elation into everything. He laughs just a little more and seems to have found another gear in everything he does. Their conversations are a bit livelier somehow, and he attacks their Rem-tech wizardry sessions with renewed gusto.
Peebee never really knew her sisters, but she suspects she'll enjoy knowing Scott's.
Scott apologizes too much – about everything.
He's sorry about the way Kalinda treated her (not his fault).
He's sorry that Lexi is always on her ass (also not his fault).
He's sorry that they're busy doing menial tasks for Tann and Addison instead of actual exploring (not his fault either, he's kinda stuck).
She tells him it's okay and to just please stop apologizing, and then he apologizes for apologizing too much. The grin on his face makes her laugh when she should be annoyed.
She wants to apologize for not being able to say "I love you" to him when he doesn't know that she knows.
Peebee's doing it again, and it's Kalinda's fault.
Her walls are back up (though not entirely), the alarms are armed, she's keeping her distance and it's obvious.
Scott seems to take it in stride for the most part, though he's clearly concerned. He doesn't press her when she leaves the kitchen before everyone else, and he doesn't press her when she replies that she's "busy" when he wants to hang out.
She knows – she knows – that he's nothing like that bitch who decided to infiltrate the ship, her home, and steal Poc.
But it didn't stop her from yelling at him, at Cora, at Liam, at everyone, for the shoddy state of security on the Tempest.
That they got it back was a bittersweet pill because Kalinda just taunted her again.
When will Scott do that to her?
When will he get bored, or take what he wants from her?
Peebee spends nights hugging her knees vowing to not get hurt again. She vows to keep her guard up. The hurt is too much; it's not worth the price of admission.
But she can't run away, either.
From: RebelRequisitioner
To: RemnantGuru
Hey Peebee,
Whatever it is that you're dealing with, it's okay to talk about it. If you don't want to talk about it to Scott or Lexi, I'll lend you an ear.
It's obvious that it has something to do with that other asshole Asari. I know you two have history. I know what it's like when it won't seem to let you go. It can get pretty lonely.
Also, Jaal says hi.
We're all here for you. You're basically one of us, whether you like it or not.
Let me know when you want to talk.
Vetra
Vetra gets it, even if she doesn't get it. At the very least, she doesn't make her feel stupid about things.
She understands the need for distance.
"But Peebee," the Turian starts as she takes another sip of her drink (how the Angara managed to make a dextro-compliant drink so soon was still a mystery), "has he – or any of us, I suppose – given you any indication that he just…I don't know…wants to take from you?"
Drumming her fingers, Peebee sighs. "No, not really. I mean he's always been just interested in the Remnant stuff. If anything, he never really seems to focus on it when we're, you know, together. It's like he's just in it for me and the last time it seemed like someone was like that…"
"Kalinda?"
"Yeah."
It was Vetra's turn to sigh. "I get it. But do you really feel like this is the same thing?"
"No, I mean, I don't know! It's so obvious that he's not like her." She holds her forehead in her hands. "I'm so bad at this."
"No you're not. You're just figuring things out." Another sip. "It's not as easy as tinkering with that Rem-tech, is it?"
Peebe huffed. "No. Definitely not." She looks up. "What do I do?"
"Open up. Let your walls down. He clearly cares about you. Shit, he gushes about you all the time when we're eating."
Oh that's right. She doesn't really stick around for that.
"He does?"
"Constantly," she deadpans.
"Oh geez…"
"I don't think he can help it. And, we've all noticed that he's been much better recently…well, after what happened on the Archon's ship and everything. Word is that it's not just his sister and that you had a lot to do with that."
Her cheeks flush.
"It was nothing, really."
"I doubt it was 'nothing', Peebee. Whatever it was, you helped him. I don't think there's anyone else that could have gotten through." One more sip and she finishes off her drink. "You should think about that. You're not the only one who has walls up." As the Turian leaves, she pats her seated companion on the shoulder.
"See you 'round, Peebee."
"Yeah…see ya."
"Mmm."
Scott had wasted no time in answering Peebee's email about a floating session. Minutes after she'd sent it, she'd gotten a reply that he'd "be right there". And sure enough, he was there because he never left her waiting.
They wasted few words as they entered the controlled environment and she set the gravity to zero. Soon the familiar sensation of being nothing surrounded them, and in a few moments her mind cleared.
"God, I missed this." He sure sounds like he did, his voice sounds heavy with emotion.
She says nothing for a moment.
"Thanks for coming by, Scott."
"Of course. It wasn't just the zero-g that I missed, you know."
"I know." She finds his hand but watches the ceiling. She looks away, has to, because to see his face would be too much.
He clears his throat. "I gotta ask though: was it that bad? The kissing, I mean."
She smiles at the ceiling. "Honestly? Yeah. It was actually pretty terrible."
Peebee relishes in the beat of silence that it takes for him to get his bearings.
"That hurts, Peebs."
"Not as much as the kissing hurt me." She laughs because she is feeling it right now. Maybe it's because she's talking to him again, maybe it's the serenity of zero-g, maybe it's both, but she feels lighter inside. "But I didn't mind it. In fact," she graces him with a coy smile, "I might be convinced to partake in it again."
He grins. "Wow…you have missed me."
"Ass. Now get over here and kiss me."
"Of course. When have I ever told you 'no'?"
"Good point. You know that's probably gonna come back to bite you on the ass, right?"
"Oh, I'm sure of it. But if there's anyone I wouldn't mind biting my ass, it's you."
The zero-g makes movement a little clunky, but he kicks off the wall and propels himself into her arms.
Peebee lets out an authentic giggle before she presses her mouth to his. His lips are softer than they have any right to be, and he smiles against her mouth. When her tongue is quick to invade his, he gives it to her freely.
They're both breathing a little heavily but Scott's grinning as he pulls away. "Was that any better?"
She rests her head on his forehead. "A little, but I think you still need practice."
Alec Ryder was not done keeping secrets, it seemed. Turned out he saved the biggest one for last.
"What do you mean she's alive?"
The tears in his eyes melt her and she pulls him in for a hug. He's heavy against her because clearly he's exhausted, but Peebee's stronger now, she can help him with some of the burden.
He sniffles. "Just what I said. Alec (he nearly spits out the venomous name) put my mother – whom we all believed to be dead, into stasis aboard the Hyperion. She's…Sara damn near lost her mind. And…"
"Your father wasn't one for honesty, was he?"
He steps away, walking to the couch as he shakes his head. "No, my father was many things, but 'honest' was definitely not one of them." He clears his throat, watching her walk toward him. "I guess he hoped that at some point we'd find something that could cure her."
Peebee sits down, taking his hand. She can't believe the bullshit that he's had to put up with out here. It's not fair, and she can't even find a way to compare.
"Well, look on the bright side," she offers hopefully, "we've got some really smart people out here, ya know? We can rope Lexi and that other doctor of yours -"
"Carlyle -"
"Yeah, him. We can get them involved. Maybe there's something that we've found that can help. Or the Angara! Jaal might know -"
He looks at her, and he almost doesn't look shellshocked and sad. "Let's not get carried away, huh? We've got time. First thing we have to do is get to Meridian and stop the Kett. Everything else depends on that." He sighs a little. "We can deal with everything else afterward."
She lets out a soft chuckle. "Yeah, you got that right." She rubs circles on his back. "You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah…just…a lot to take in."
"I'll say. Never a dull moment with you around. But if you wanna talk, you know I'm here, right? I kinda suck at it and all, but -"
"You're great at it. You don't give yourself enough credit." He pauses, looking contemplatively at the sea of stars outside the window. "Hey, ya wanna go float for a while? I could really use some relaxation."
"Well, at your request? How can I say 'no' to that?" Peebee plants a kiss on his cheek before they head back to the Tempest. She notices his steps are a bit lighter now and smiles.
Peebee's hands are still shaking, long after the mission is over. She's trying to wrap her head around a whole lot right now. Kailnda could have died. She could have died.
That neither of them did is almost entirely the result of Scott.
Her Scott?
Sounds kinda nice.
She keeps replaying the whole sequence of events. She held the Remnant device in her hands. Then she slipped and Kalinda clung to the edge of the dais with her life in Peebee's – and Scott's – hands. She knows he could've chosen the easy way out – save both herself and the device – but he chose to do what she wanted. He listened to her. He respected her.
If he was in it just for the Rem-tech, there's no way in hell he would've made that decision.
She sighs, thinking about how it had felt in her hands. So much information! So much potential!
But she wouldn't have blood on her hands, and now she was realizing a truth about herself.
The door slides open with no warning, and she knows that there's only one person that has that privilege.
"Hey," he says as he takes her shaking hands into his, "how're you holding up?"
"I…" she blows out a tired breath. "I'm okay. I think. Maybe? That was a lot to take in, huh?"
"You could say that." He leans in and plants a kiss on her forehead.
"But yeah. I'm okay. Nerves are still shit," she looks down at their joined hands, hers still shaking slightly, "obviously." She takes a step back, eyes on his. "So, did she hold up her end?"
"Yeah. I just got a message that the Nexus just received a bunch of Rem-tech, ready for you to unpack." He pulls out a datapad. "And this message was for you."
She scans Kalinda's apology and thanks. "So that's that, then."
He nods. "That's that. Do you believe her?"
"Oh, I dunno. I'd like to think so. Facing death can change a person, you know?"
His smile is a thin line. "Yeah, I know."
Oh yeah, he does know. Which reminds her…
She steps forward, taking his hands again. "Hey, I want to tell you something."
He quirks an eyebrow.
"I, um, I've kinda been in my head this entire time. Like, ever since I met you. With Kalinda and the Rem-tech and all this, I didn't really know what to do with it."
"Um, with what?"
"My head! I didn't know what to do with it! I was stuck in it. And…I was afraid."
He still looks lost. "Afraid? Of what?"
She sighs, squeezing his hands. "That I was gonna get hurt again. But…with you, I don't feel that way now."
He clears his throat and there's a blotch of pink on his cheeks. "And how do you feel…now?"
She stands up on her toes, and their lips are millimeters from each other.
"I love you, Scott. That's how I feel."
She's about to press her lips to his, about to imbue the kiss with everything she feels, but he beats her to it. His hands leave hers and she's encircled by his arms and pressed tightly against him. There's much more that is conveyed in this kiss. Peebee is more breathless, more desperate as she runs her fingers through his hair and moans into his mouth. She feels his hands hot against her skin as he's slipped them under her shirt. He pulls away first, eyes lidded and his breathing a little frantic.
"I love you too, Peebs. Have for a while."
She looks away, a little embarrassed. "I…know. I've known for a while, too."
"Did you now?"
"Haha, yeah. When I stayed in your room that first time. You kinda…said it in your sleep."
He laughs. "Look at me! Betrayed by my own alcohol intolerance." He scratches his neck. "Actually surprised that didn't scare you off."
"Yeah, me too."
"So what do we do now?"
"Now? I suppose we could reconsider my first offer."
"First offer?"
"Yeah," she runs a finger down his chest with lust in her eyes, "zero-g. But with…"
"Strings?"
"Yeah. Something like that."
He smiles softly, cupping her cheek. "I'd love to, but…"
"But?"
"There's another matter we need to discuss." He looks pointedly at the empty chamber that once held an escape pod. The escape pod with zero-g.
"Oh…oh!" Peebee hides her face in her hands. "Ah, nuts!"
They get to Meridian and it is incredible.
They learn so much about the Remnant, about Jaal and his people…about the Jardaan. They'll be there for him, she'll be there for him, her semi-adopted brother.
But then they learn horror.
She watches Scott die again as SAM is ripped away from him, watches as his sister is taken from him and used against him.
She's left helpless but watches him rise again anyway, utterly defiant like he always seems to be. He's too dumb to know when he's beaten.
But he's not beaten, he refuses to be.
It's part of why she loves him.
And then he does the impossible – uses the Remnant devices without SAM. He's staggered and hurt and needs her but he does it.
And maybe they have a plan, a way to fight back.
Her crewmates have accepted her now, too. Well, more like Peebee's accepted everyone else, these people who saw her as family long before she realized that she did.
She wants to steal Scott away for about a week and just fuck him until they're both unconscious. As far as she's concerned, they both deserve as much. But they're almost there, just one more fight. Scott said it was for "all the marbles," whatever that means. It sounded kinda important.
For now though, she'll have to settle for a bottle of wine and a suggestive note.
She doesn't quite tackle him, but Peebee does kiss him and then press him back into the bed.
She enjoys how he watches her – has eyes only for her – as she takes her clothes off. Finally, his brain seems to unscramble as he begins doing the same.
"Scott, do you know how Asari joining works? It's more than just a…physical connection." Her face flushes as she tries to explain. "It's a literal connection between us, our thoughts…are shared. No walls, no secrets. Just me and you. Just us. I've…never trusted anyone else to do it before. I've never trusted myself." She crawls up on to the bed, their eyes completely locked on to each other. "But I trust you, and I know now that this is real, so I can trust myself now, too."
As she rides him, she can't help but think about how different this feels to everything that has come before. There is no sense or feeling of detachment, the sex is not being used as a way to escape. If anything, she's using it as a way to dive in deeper with him. She's all-in, headfirst with him and the way that his hands hold her, the way that he looks at her – like she's precious to him – is enough to melt her.
She pushes herself harder and deeper onto him, feeling him part her and touch areas within that she'd never imagined. She's riding the wave, feeling it crest and she calls his name and the world goes black –
Silence.
Pulsating, deafening silence.
It's like bathing in calmness.
Peebee feels his breath on her neck and his hands pressed into her back. Their legs are tangled together, and it's like they're back in the escape pod with its zero-g because they're floating here.
Scott pulls his face away, wide-eyed in wonder as he scans the world around them. There is nothing but a pale blue line of light at the horizon of this…whatever this is.
"Peebee," he whispers but it's so loud, "it's so quiet. What is this place?"
She strokes fingers through his hair. "This is our place. It's the space where only our thoughts can live. It's only us in here."
His face is the very picture of wonder and love. "Peebee…you're not allowed to think that…"
He trails off and she knows why.
"Yeah, sometimes I can get pretty down on myself. And you? You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for."
His eyes widen. "Does that mean…?"
"Yes, Scott. We are one in this place. No more secrets, no more hiding."
He gasps, then kisses her. "This is what you meant by -"
The world comes back into color and focus and Peebee feels his hands on her hips again as she cups her breasts and orgasms hard. As if in direct reaction, Scott sits up, holding her tightly to him and damn near yells into her neck as she feels him empty inside her. Panting, he lays back down and she rests her head on his chest as his hands stroke her back.
"So…so that was Asari joining?"
"Mmhmm."
"That…was incredible. I feel…I feel so close to you, Peebee. Like I can't even describe it properly." He lifts her head so he can look at her. "I love you."
"I know," she affirms through a warm smile, "and now we can carry that feeling with us. It's a part of us. I don't just…feel the love that I have for you. I feel the love that you have for me, too and…"
He chuckles in disbelief. "It's almost overwhelming."
"Yeah…they didn't really do it justice back in Asari Sex Ed class."
"God I'd love to have been a fly on that particular wall. What the hell was that like?"
She tosses him a wink. "Maybe I'll tell ya some other time. For now though," she feels him still hard inside her, he never really softened even after his orgasm, "wanna get more hands-on experience?"
"Oh, please. Don't threaten me with a good time."
"I would never," she says as she starts to ride him again.
Scott is safe. Sara is safe. The Archon is dead.
It'd been a long time coming.
The fight had been a "right pain in the ass" according to Liam, and it was hard for her to disagree. Watching the chaos unfold, the Hyperion crashing to the ground on Meridian itself, seeing their allies all pitch in to help…Peebee couldn't help but feel some pride at the way they responded to the threat of the Archon. It was a testament to the Pathfinder…to Scott…to the man she loved.
After he and Sara had recovered enough from the ordeal, he had done exactly as she had hoped he would: taken a leave of absence. It's a short one, but it's welcomed.
A vacation was in order, and there were few who would deign to argue that he hadn't earned one.
Which is why, out here in the unexplored wilderness of Port Meridian, she and Scott were inside the spacious tent that they occupied, poring over another batch of Rem-tech that they'd found.
"So what do you think this does?"
She looks down at the jumbled mass of metal and wire on the tray that comprises their makeshift worktable. "Beats me. Have you tried SAM-ming the thing?"
"Pelassaria, I have scanned the object and logged it into the database. Otherwise, I am…uncertain of its purpose."
"So…you don't know."
"I do not."
"Hmmm." She glares at it with narrowed eyes, then shrugs. "Oh well. It'll have to wait then."
Scott looks at her in disbelief. "Wait, wait. You're not going to keep -"
She takes the tray and sets it aside, leaving only her, Scott, and the sleep rolls in the center. "No, I'm not going to keep at this. Not tonight. We can take a look tomorrow when we head back. For now?" She pulls her shirt off and unclasps her bra, shivering at the cool air that nips at her sensitive skin. Scott quickly pulls his own shirt off and wraps his arms around her.
"So Peebs, what did you have in mind?"
She tugs at the waistband of his pants with a coy smile. "Oh, I can think of a few things."
And she does think of a few things, and then a few more things. And he's with her for all of it, for all of her.
For the strings and for everything else.